All language subtitles for Mr Bates vs The Post Office S01E01 1080p HDTV H264-ORGANiC.Sdh

Well, I tend to go for a
seven for double knitting

cos my tension's too tight.

But seven-and-a-half, I
think, yeah. Ta, love.

One first-class
stamp there, Megan.

28p, please, love. How much?

I know, daylight robbery.

That's the Post Office
for you. HE CHUCKLES

Oh, Alan? Alan.

MAN: Alan Bates? Management.

Oh, thugs in suits.

You know why we're here, Alan.

And you know you're a day early.

MAN: Oi! There's a queue here.

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen,
but this post office is now closed.

Er, not yet, it isn't.
That's 2.39, Tom, please.

Alan, come on. Let
us in, please. Yeah?

If you'd like to
make an appointment

for after my so-called
contract ends,

I shall inspect my
diary for a window.

We have a right of entry.

I'm the sub-postmaster,
so I am locked in,

and everyone else is locked out.

So if you want to
see my accounts...

..you'll have to
come back tomorrow.

Right.

Come on. We're gonna need some
help. I'm calling the police.

Sorry about that, Tom.
FAINTLY: Hello. Police, please?

I'm calling from
Craig-y-Don Post Office.

They're not calling me a
thief. They wouldn't dare.

They say money's somehow gone
missing from this branch,

which it hasn't,

and I have to pay it
back, which I won't.

So I say prove it.

Prove that I'm wrong
and you're right.

Show me the figures, but they
can't or won't do that. Alan...

So now they want to close
me down to shut me up...

That's ridiculous!

..because they don't want
everyone knowing what I know.

Which is?

That the fancy new
computer system

that they've spent an arm
and a leg on is faulty.

No-one else has ever reported any
problems with Horizon. No-one.

I don't believe you.

So no actual crime has
been committed here today?

Well, Post Office Limited is
stealing, er, my livelihood,

my shop, my... my job, my home,

my life savings, my good name.

Civil matter.

Righto. Be getting
back to the day job.

Might wanna come
back tomorrow, sir.

DOOR OPENS How exactly
do you sleep at night?

DOOR CLOSES

Same time tomorrow?

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES It can't
be just us, can it?

Morning, Marion! Morning, Jo.

All right?

Hello, Jo. You all
right? All right?

Morning, Jo. Hello, Jo.

Morning, Jo. Morning, Jo.

All right, Trevor, Nadia?

Hi, Elaine! You look nice, Jo.

Morning. With you in a minute.

No rush. MAN: Morning, Jo.

Ooh!

Ooh, you smell good.

Don't turn your back!
They'll all be gone.

SHE CHUCKLES

What's the matter, Diane?

I can't find it anywhere.
It's my pension book.

I can't... can't find it anywhere.
You haven't lost your pension book.

I keep it in my
drawer, remember? Oh...

Sorry! Spinning plates.

Well, it's as much as I can do

to get myself into court every
morning with my hair brushed.

Er, a dozen first-class, please.

Whisper it, legal eagle,
but I'm happier baking.

Book-keeping, accounts
and computers...

not so much. Mm.

There you go.

Thanks, Jo. Have a good day.

No, job, no income,
nowhere to live.

All our hopes, dreams.

All our savings down the pan.

It's killing us, Alan. My
hair's actually falling out.

ALAN: I'm not letting the
Post Office get away with it.

They already did.

Come on. Concentrate.

Well, I... I'm thinking
somewhere quiet.

Up in the hills. I can
walk, you can paint.

Am I not allowed to walk?

HE CHUCKLES

Just tell me how we're going
to afford any of these places.

We'll work. It's what people do.

Now, come on, Suzanne.

If we're going to walk away, let's
do it with our heads held high.

OK.

And so they head off
into an uncertain future.

On the plus side...

it won't be us hanging
around on the phone any more.

"Horizon helpline,
thank you for waiting."

Oh, no! SHE LAUGHS

AUTOMATED VOICE: 'Horizon
helpline, thank you for waiting.'

HOLD MUSIC PLAYS

WOMAN: 'Hello, how
can I help?' Oh, hi.

Er, it's Jo Hamilton here
from South Warnborough.

I'm trying to produce
this week's cash account.

'And what's the problem?'

I know it's probably me because
I'm really rubbish with technology,

but... I've declared my
cash, I've declared my stock,

I've done it all three times, and
I still can't get it to balance.

I hate Wednesdays. JO CHUCKLES

'Hm. And what does Horizon say?'

It says I've taken £2,032.67
more than I think I have.

'OK, redeclare
your stock holding.

'So, that'll automatically
create a discrepancy, OK?

'It'll have inflated
your cash holding.

'So now... I want you to
reverse that difference.'

Righto.

'So now, if you redeclare
everything, it'll balance, OK?'

This is so helpful, thank you.

Don't go away, stay with
me till I've done it.

Oh, my God!

It... I-It's just doubled
right in front of my eyes.

Now... Now it says
I'm £4,000 down.

'It'll sort itself
out, these things do.

'In the meantime...'

But I was only doing
what you told me!

'In the meantime, you'll
need to make good the loss.'

I haven't got that money! And
I don't know where it's gone!

'I'm sorry, you are responsible
for balancing your account

'and making good
any shortfalls.'

SUZANNE: You did
your best, love.

ALAN: Well, I wrote
a lot of letters.

MPs, ministers, Post
Office chairman,

Daily Telegraph,
Computer Weekly.

I'd have thought they'd have
shown an interest, at least.

We're putting it behind us now.

Er, I thought we were
walking away? Back burner.

We did say I could have that
spare room for my sewing room.

No problem!

Alan? Up here!

Careful! Give us a hand.

Do we really need to be
keeping all of these?

Just in case. I'll, er... I'll
go through them all later.

Mind your back.

There's nothing wrong with
my back. Yeah, not yet.

All put away, sorted.
Almost forgotten.

Hm, maybe things are
starting to look up.

Shall we investigate
the local pub?

Things are definitely
starting to look up.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

'I'm sorry, Mum.

'There's nothing left to
take out of my wages.'

My savings are already gone.
My credit cards are maxed out.

I know I should have
told you before,

but I didn't wanna scare you.

It's all right, love.

You're her husband.
Tell her it's all right.

I don't know.

Jo... how did the post
office money get lost?

What is it you've
been doing wrong?

I don't know either.
I have no idea.

Oh, I don't wanna cry.

I kept thinking, one day,

some kind of electronic
wizardry would kick in

and it would just sort
itself out, but it never has.

And now the computer says my
shortfall's gone up to £9,000, so...

Remortgaging the house, though?

I know what I'm suggesting
is really awful.

But, David, there's the
40-year lease on the shop,

and if they sack me,
we'll lose everything.

This house. Our home.

I have to make good my shortfalls.
It says so in my contract.

I have to find the
money to pay them back.

If it draws a line under it.

AUTOMATED VOICE: 'Horizon
helpline, thank you for waiting.

'All our agents are busy right
now, but please continue to hold.'

HOLD MUSIC PLAYS

Dad? I can't find my trainers.
Have you looked under your bed?

Have a look.

MAN: 'Horizon helpline,
thank you for waiting.'

Hi, yeah. It's, er... It's
Lee Castleton here again,

er, from Bridlington.

Yeah, look me up, it's
all there. 'OK, hold on.'

Thank you. HOLD MUSIC PLAYS

Daddy! Yeah, just go
and ask your mum, love.

'OK, yeah. I've got
your file here.'

Yeah, right. Now, you'll
see from my records,

this is the 91st time I've called
you about these shortfalls.

'Yeah, it's odd. No-one else
is having these problems.'

I-I still can't make any
sense of these figures.

You know, I still wonder, someone
might have hacked into my account.

'No, no, no, that's impossible.

'Branch accounts
are totally secure.'

OK, right. So, if it's definitely
something that I'm doing wrong,

please can you
just tell me what?

'So you wanna request a
visit from the auditors?'

Yes, yes! Finally, thank you.

They'll get to the bottom
of it. Off to school.

All right. Have
a good day, kids.

Right, I'm, erm...

Listen, I'm gonna... I'm
gonna to write it down now,

so, yeah, they'll definitely
be calling me, right?

WOMAN: 'What you need to do
is isolate your transaction.

'You need to put in a number that
is one digit higher or lower,

'or the computer won't find it.'

How's that supposed to work?

'I don't know, it
just works. Do it.'

Last time it showed a loss,
I had to remortgage my house.

I can't understand why
it's happened again.

'Me neither. Nobody
else has these problems.

'You know, you must balance tonight,
or you can't open in the morning.'

I have to open in the morning,
my old ladies rely on me.

'So, one digit higher or lower.

'Your takings must match your
balance on your Horizon...'

God forgive me.

'I'll be fine, Mrs Goggins.
The post always gets through.'

Mummy? Mummy?

Mummy, they're leaving.

Mummy's just nipping down to see
Daddy. I'll be back in a minute.

Thanks for all
your help, yeah (?)

Did they find the problem?

£26,000 has gone missing.

You what? Twenty-six grand.

Let's go through those figures
again, right now. I'm not allowed.

Hey? Suspended.

Locked out my own post office
till I pay it all back.

26,000?

What are we gonna do?

Fight.

ALAN GRUMBLES

Whatever it is
you're reading, Alan,

you're doing it in an
annoyingly significant manner.

Year one of the degree, there's
a core foundation course

including programming
and problem solving.

Let's see?

Oh, God! Computer science?

Why don't you do
English or philosophy?

Computer science is good.
It's career planning.

In which case, why
not aromatherapy

or golf club management?

And my student grant will help
keep this roof over our heads.

Also, we'll be able
to set up a website...

..so people will
be able to find us.

People?

Meaning sub-postmasters?

Three years since we
lost the Post Office

and, "Come on, Suzanne,
we're walking away."

Has a single day gone by when
you've thought about anything else?

I got a job.

Teaching?

Cleaning. Offices.

I start next week.

No shame in it, is there?

One day...

One day, what?

..we'll get the bastards.

Right, Millie, you've been
quiet all the way home.

What's bothering
you? Don't tell her.

Er, don't tell me what?

That boy made a big
spit in Millie's hair.

He did what?

The same one who said Dad stole
lots of money off old people.

Millie?

You know that's not true, OK?

Your dad is not a thief.

He's not.

Go on, go upstairs. Go and play.
I'll be up in a minute, OK?

Now, look at this! Look, look!

I've been through these 100 times.
I haven't seen it before. Look.

I'm gonna have to
talk to the school.

23rd of March, right? I'm
logged in on terminal one.

I put in the transaction... and
it shows up on terminal two.

That should never
happen. That's proof!

It's proof there's something
wrong with the system!

Lee. The children. The
bullying is getting worse.

I know.

The only way to stop it is to
prove that I'm not a thief.

Right? It must be a
bug. It must be...

It must be a computer
bug or... or something.

Right. What are you doing?

Lee? Look, there's 15,000
post offices on that list.

Are you just gonna
randomly call them all up

and ask if their
computer is broken?

How else am I gonna find
someone with the same problem

before my case goes to court?

I've got to show 'em
it's not just me.

Lisa, the Post Office are suing us
for £26,000 which we didn't steal

and we haven't got hanging
around in piggy banks.

PHONE DIALLING OK.

MAN: 'Hello, Oxford
Road Post Office.'

Hello, yeah. I'm really
sorry to bother you.

My name's Lee
Castleton, and I...

'Sorry, mate, I don't
take cold calls.'

LINE DISCONNECTS

It's all right, I'll
just call the next one.

PHONE DIALLING

WHISPERS: Please.

KNOCK AT DOOR Jo?

Jo! Don't come in here, Mum.

Well, you can't keep
working these hours.

You'll kill yourself.

Oh, Jo. Love...

I don't know what
I'm doing wrong.

I keep trying over and over,
and I can't make it work.

The numbers, they just
slide away from me,

and I don't know
where the money is.

I don't know where it's gone.

They need to send someone
down here to sort this out.

No, no, they'll sack me!

Oh, Jo... You need help.

JO SOBS

Mrs Hamilton?

I'm Ryan Fleming, from
the investigations team?

Thank you. I'll
need those keys.

Oh, of course, yes.

Morning, Jo!

What's going on? Nothing!

Mrs Hamilton, are you
surprised to learn

that the audit you
requested found a shortfall

of £36,644.89?

I've never been able to get
to grips with the system,

and when I tried to get help...

As you must know,
your contract with us

makes clear losses are
your responsibility.

Like, once, I was on the
phone to the helpline,

and it doubled, it just doubled,
the shortfall, before my very eyes.

Mrs Hamilton, this
is public money.

We need to talk about how
you are gonna pay it back.

Sizing this place
up for the bailiffs?

Let me tell you, this
house is my house, too,

so you can keep your
thieving hands off it.

And tell your evil
bosses I said so.

The shortfalls we
uncovered today

do not appear in any of the weekly
accounts you've been submitting.

My daughter is not a thief.

A formal investigation will follow.
No, can I just say something?

Why would I do this?
I love my post office.

Until then, I'm suspending you, Mrs
Hamilton, with immediate effect.

DOORBELL RINGS

Jo! Hello.

I think I might
need a solicitor.

Oh, erm, but I do... I-I
mainly just do criminal work?

That's good. That's great.

You do not have to say anything,

but it may harm your defence
if you do not mention

when questioned something which
you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say may
be given in evidence.

This is your cash account
final for Week 24.

Is that your signature?

No comment.

This is your branch trading
statement for period ten.

It states that the cash-in-hand
figure is £35,515.83.

Is that a true amount
of the cash on hand

for that transaction statement?

No comment.

Have you deliberately
inflated that cash figure...

No comment.

..to cover the fact that you've
been stealing Post Office money?

No comment.

Where's the money, Jo?

What have you spent it on?

No comment.

It was good to have a
rehearsal, I suppose...

Mm-hm.

..before I have to do it
properly with the police.

With the police?

Well, they'll arrest
me now, for sure.

Jo, the Post Office
don't need the police.

The Post Office has the right to
run its own criminal investigations,

all the way to the Crown Court.

It's been that
way for 300 years.

NEWSREADER: 'Disgraced
sub-postmaster Noel Thomas

'is tonight behind bars,

'starting a nine-month
prison sentence.'

He used to be a Federation man.

'Caernarfon Crown
Court heard today

'that County Councillor
Thomas was previously regarded

'as honest, respectable, a pillar
of his community in Anglesey.'

REPORTER: 'What did
you do with the money?'

'The 59-year-old had
earlier pleaded guilty

'to false accounting
involving sums up to £48,000.'

Did she just say £48,000?

Well, that's not the
odd bit of shortfall.

It's a hell of a lot
of money, Suzanne.

And he's pleaded guilty, so...

He didn't look guilty,
though, did he?

Looked bloody terrified.

How do we know what pressure
they're putting people under?

Everything all right?

What is it?

Royal Courts of
Justice? In London?

I'll be the only one
there not wearing a wig.

Oh, God, Lee... It'll
be fine, it'll be fine.

I'll just show the judge my logs,
and I'll explain about Horizon.

And I'll just tell the
truth. It'll be fine.

It's not a criminal court, is it?
They're just suing us for the money.

But, Lee, they'll have so
many big lawyers, and you...

Yeah, I know, and I'll be
representing myself, yeah,

due to the fact I haven't got
a spare million quid to spend.

Look, Lisa, we've just got to
trust in the British justice system

and everything'll be all right.

I've just gotta tell the truth.

It's fine. Don't worry.

Right, erm...

SIGHS

It's called a plea bargain.

The deal is the Post Office
will drop the theft charge

if you agree to plead guilty
to false accounting instead.

And the plea bargain
keeps me out of prison?

Well...

Sorry.

How is 14 charges
of false accounting

better than one charge of theft?

Theft is much bigger.

And if you fight it and the
jury is not on your side,

then you will go to prison.

Also, there are two conditions
to the plea bargain.

The Post Office say you have
to pay back all the money.

£36,000? How am I
gonna to do that?

And you must undertake not
to blame the Horizon system.

Well, I am guilty, I
am, because I did sign

all those accounts when
I knew they were wrong.

But I never stole that money.
I never saw a penny of it.

Issy, I still don't
know where it went.

WOMAN: 'Computers drive me mad.

'I never got used to Horizon,
and I won't say I love it now,

'but I can't claim we've had
any real problems, so...'

No, no, I appreciate you
talking to me. Thank you.

'I've gotta go. Bye-bye.'
All right. Bye-bye.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

'Sorry about that, I
had to nip out the back.

'Everyone's scared to talk.

'There's just one
guy that can help.'

Hello, yeah. I... I was hoping
to speak to, er, Alan Brown?

ALAN: 'You're Lee, right? I've
been expecting your call.'

Yeah. 'What happened
here in Falkirk

'is that one of our terminals

'just stopped communicating
with the network.

'Horizon didn't pick it
up, no alarms were ringing.

'Some kind of bug.

'And that bug could be affecting
every office in the country

'with more than one terminal.'
That's the same thing!

Exactly the same thing
that happened here.

You see, and they always
tell you you're on your own.

'Don't get too excited, laddie,

'cos I'm not going on
record wi' any of this.'

Well, no, I just thought
that's what you...

'I've got thousands
invested in this business,

'and I can't afford to make an
enemy of Post Office Limited.'

Well, yeah, but
what's the point...?

'Look, I'll forward you a group
email I sent some friends.

'You can use that, if it helps.'

Are you gonna send
it now? 'Yes.'

All right. All right,
thank you. CALL DISCONNECTS

These so-called shortfalls,
they're not real.

Your system, it produces
them out of nowhere.

I'm a systems specialist employed
by Fujitsu, the manufacturer.

I was unable to
identify any basis

on which Horizon could
have caused the losses.

Ah, no, no, you see, no, I
happen to know of another branch

where the same
thing has happened.

You must ask Mrs Chambers
a question, Mr Castleton.

Oh, OK. Sorry. Erm,
just give me a...

You mean the branch at
Callendar Square in Falkirk?

Yes, that's it, yeah.

The exact... The exact same
thing, it's happening there.

I-I think... we both have
the same computer bug.

Yes, but the problem at
Callendar Square arose

from an error in
the Horizon system.

My Lord, there is no
evidence of any such thing

at Mr Castleton's branch.

No, no, no, it's the same
thing. It's a computer bug.

It's... It's...

I-It's... HE SIGHS

The conclusion is inescapable
that the Horizon system

was working properly in
all material respects

and that the shortfall is real -

that the losses must have been
caused by Mr Castleton's own error.

There will thus be a judgment on
the claim against the defendant

for £25,858.95.

The claimant is entitled
to their costs in the case,

and accordingly, Mr
Castleton is ordered to pay

all Post Office Limited's costs
in the total sum of £321,000.

All empty.

Come on, you two.
Let's get inside.

'And that was me, thinking
I could fight 'em.

'And now the shop's gone and
we're stuck living above it

'because we can't sell it.'

Our proceeds will go to the
Post Office cos I'm bankrupt.

But, you know, I was an
electrician when I was in the RAF,

so at least I've
still got a trade,

but it just means I'm
living out of me car a bit.

And people think me
wife's kicked me out,

but it's not that.

'It's not that, just, you know,

'gotta go where the
work is, don't you?'

Mr Castleton, I'm calling about
the computer logs you sent us,

but... Yeah, I'm sorry.

It's me going on at myself.
Yeah, I-I saw, erm... an advert.

Er, "Free expert help with
any computer problems"?

Yeah, I'm still looking
for answers, you see.

I'm not an expert, I'm
afraid, I'm just a reporter.

Mr Castleton...
'Er, it's Lee.'

Lee, Lee, yeah.

Apart from the chap you
spoke to in Scotland,

do you know if this has
happened to anybody else?

Well, it must have done. You
know, it can't just be me.

Morning, Jo.

I've never even had
a parking ticket.

Shall we?

There we are. Ten
o'clock, Court One.

"For sentence, R v Hamilton."

Queen versus me.

I wonder if she knows?

APPLAUSE

The Post Office, the shop,

is at the heart of any
community like ours.

And Jo... well, we all love her.

In some ways, she's more
of the priest than I am.

People confide in her,

and she can always tell
when someone's upset.

You see, we trust her,

and we just can't believe that any
of this was on purpose in any way.

Thank you, Mrs Leese.

Please stand up.

Mrs Hamilton, what exactly
are you doing in my court?

I don't know, sir.

I have a large number of
testimonials before me

from your community,

all of whom seem to be here
today as to your trustworthiness.

I still have no idea.
This wasn't just a muddle.

It turned into fraud.

It's a very serious state
of affairs for someone

in whom the public
is entitled to trust.

However, in light of your
previous good character...

..I do not intend to impose
a custodial sentence.

You will be sentenced to a
Community Order for 12 months

and weekly meetings with
a probation officer.

You're free to leave.
FOREMAN: Court, rise.

APPLAUSE

I can't believe I'm
not going to prison!

You're all right,
you're all right.

SUZANNE: Maybe she
was scared, Alan.

Maybe she thought, "Put your
hands up, get a lesser sentence."

Yeah, and now she's
pleaded guilty in court.

Not everyone is as
stubborn as you. God!

HE SCOFFS Stubborn!

PHONE RINGS I'll get it.

Hello?

Yeah, who's calling, please?

Oh, OK. Yeah. OK. Alan?

It's a reporter
from Computer Weekly

who's read about that
woman in the paper,

and they want to talk
to you about Horizon.

Alan Bates.

I can see you contacted
us five years ago.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
Never mind. You're here now.

It's odd, because everyone
thinks of the Post Office

as sort of warm and
cuddly. THEY CHUCKLE

You know, when I first got legal
advice, right at the very beginning,

I was warned that if I tried to
take them to court, even if I won,

the Post Office would just keep
appealing until I ran out of money.

Thank you.

But they never accused
you of any wrongdoing?

No, no, no. They never
tried to prosecute me.

You know what I think?

I think they knew that there was
something wrong with my system.

But, Rebecca...

how many other sub-postmasters
have you found?

Six who will go on the record.

Plus you, if you're willing.

What do you think?

Course I will.

"problem seems to be
affecting a number of people.

"A seventh postmaster, Alan Bates,
refused to sign his weekly accounts,

"saying it would have made
him liable for any losses.

"He has called for
a public inquiry."

Oh, good luck with that.

Oh, you'll like this bit.

"A Post Office
spokesman said Horizon

"is an extremely
robust system..." Ha!

"which operates over our
entire Post Office network..."

"and successfully records
millions of transactions each day.

"There is no evidence that points
to any faults with the technology."

We had the evidence.
They wouldn't listen!

"We would always look
into and investigate

"any issues raised
by sub-postmasters."

Turds. Josephine!

Well, honestly!

"We do accept that
individual branches

"may experience very
occasional failures."

Oh, yeah, right!
I don't think so.

What else have they
put? DOOR OPENS

This poor chap got
sent to prison.

Hello?

Noel?

Jo? Yeah!

Do you want a... tea?

Yes, please.

'I couldn't believe it when
I first read about you.'

Fallen postmistress.
What a claim to fame (!)

Just...

Just the idea that
there was anyone else

caught up in the same trap.

I don't miss the Post Office.

Well, I miss the wages, but...

17 years old when I
started as a postman,

delivering letters on my bike.

42 years, I worked for them.

Think of it. Man and boy.

Lord, Noel. And they
still sent you to prison.

All I heard the judge
say was... "Nine months."

I couldn't believe
it. I couldn't.

And then... "Take him down."

Had my 60th birthday
behind bars, Jo.

It was hell on Earth.

I'm really glad you came.

Can you believe this chap?

Just kept refusing
to sign his accounts.

Kept refusing to pay.

Bloody hero.

'Oh, my God, never
in a million years

'would it have occurred
to me I could do that.'

They wrote off my first
so-called shortfall

when I jumped up and down
and complained about it.

You never thought it
was your fault? 'Never.'

Well, why am I such a fool?

I mean, I never even
thought about the computer,

except that it was weird

when they said I wasn't
allowed to blame it.

'I hope you don't mind
me getting in touch.'

I don't mind at all.

But, Jo... can I
ask you one thing?

Yeah, anything.

Why did you plead guilty?

'Oh, I didn't want to.'

Oh, my God, no, but... I really
didn't wanna go to prison.

And I didn't know how
to prove I was innocent.

You shouldn't have to.

It's supposed to be "innocent
until proven guilty".

Yeah, right.

So, what do we do now?

'Alan? Any ideas?'

Thank you for waiting.

CHUCKLES

I guess I'll have my sewing
room in the next life, then.

It won't be for long. Hm!

Bridlington, Hampshire,
Chelmsford, Somerset, Falkirk,

and two in North Wales.

That's the seven
from Computer Weekly.

Then there's, er... the two
that came via our website.

But where are all the others?

I'm thinking, test the water.

Set up a meeting,
send out invitations,

see if anyone turns up? Hm.

Somewhere central.

Birmingham? That's
pretty central.

Fenny Compton.

Fenny... Compton.

OK. Has a lovely ring to it.

Just the place to start
really annoying the hell

out of the Post
Office. SHE CHUCKLES

808 inhabitants.

And a church hall. I still
think maybe Birmingham.

Nah. Today, Fenny Compton...
tomorrow, the world.

HE CHUCKLES

You know...

..this could be huge.

Or nobody might turn up.

But it's got to be worth a try.

Jo?

Alan! HE CHUCKLES

Guessed on account of the cakes.

I wasn't sure how many
to bring. SHE CHUCKLES

Hi. Suzanne. Oh! Oh, hello!

Hello. Oh, thank you.

JO CHUCKLES

We can always take them
home if nobody comes.

HE CHUCKLES

We'll give it 20 minutes.

Oh, wow.

Oh...

HE CHUCKLES

Oh, wow. Alan, you did it!

Look at everyone!

Look at them all.

Hi. JO CHUCKLES

Are you all here
for the meeting?

Yes, we are. We're
here for the meeting.

Well, you... better
come in, then.

We all look knackered.
That's cos we are.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Right. Er... Well...

Welcome, everyone.

We're all here to share
our experiences and...

..put our heads together.

We're here because...

..the Post Office...

..told every single one
of us sat here today...

..told us over and over...

"You're the only one."

And that was wrong. That
was a lie, actually.

Because... Well, look at us.

Here we all are.

And from this moment forwards...

..none of us will be
the only one ever again.

♪ God knows what is hiding

♪ In those weak
and drunken hearts

♪ Guess he kissed the
girls And made them cry

♪ Those hard-faced
queens Of misadventure

♪ People help the people

♪ And if you're homesick

♪ Give me your hand
And I'll hold it. ♪

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