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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Previously on Married With Children:
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Bud and his frat brothershad tickets to spring break.
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Kelly and her girlfriends tricked themout of their tickets to Fort Lauderdale.
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Kelly's running for Miss Spring Break.Jefferson is one of the judges.
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Al and Griff didn't needmuch convincing to join Jefferson.
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Which inspired Marcie, Budand his cool friends to head south.
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Road trip.
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Destination, Fort Lauderdale.
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So now thanks tostate-of-the-art graphics...
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...courtesy of Columbia PicturesTelevision.
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Let's rejoin Married With Children.
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Will you idiots shut up?
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Sorry, Mrs. D'Arcy, we're just tryingto take our minds off...
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...what Kelly and the easy ridersdid to us.
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Well, it's a long driveto Fort Lauderdale.
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So I suggestthat you enjoy the beauty...
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...of this great country of ours.
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Thanks for the game of chicken.
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See you guys at the hot tub.
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- All right.
- All right.
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Gentlemen,
is this not the greatest day...
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...of our shoulders, necks
and backs?
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This is the life.
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A vacation paid for with money
from a fraternity-scholarship fund.
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It doesn't get any better than this.
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It just did.
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Here you go, gents.
Compliments of the girls in the hot tub.
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Hi there.
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And here you go, miss.
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Compliments
of some needy kid's education.
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Now, see, that's my idea of marriage.
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A gorgeous girl keeps me buzzed all
the time while the wife's out of town.
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That settles it.
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00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,478
Al Bundy is moving
to Fort Lauderdale.
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00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,713
That's a nice fantasy, Al.
But what about your job?
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00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,872
Well, I'll just get
some other profession. I'll...
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00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,112
Here, I'll sell cans.
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I'll make more money selling cans
than I ever made selling shoes.
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You couldn't make less.
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Hey, guys, I say we go up to our suite,
slap on a little more Hai Karate...
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...and join the babes in the hot tub.
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Hai Karate, the cologne
that chicks just can't resist.
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What's that funky smell?
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It smells like geezer.
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Hey, you guys,
I'm starting to get a little nervous...
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...about this pageant tomorrow.
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I mean, I've never been in one
that turned out to be real.
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00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,914
Kelly, the key
is to impress the judges.
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00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,152
Okay, first you walk prim and proper
down the runway...
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00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,954
...to show the judges
that you have class...
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...and then you shake your
money maker to get their votes.
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Okay, then what?
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Talent.
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I suggest how many licks
of a Tootsie Pop...
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...does it take to make you
Miss Spring Break.
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This also works if you're ever
pulled over for speeding.
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00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,593
Then they're gonna ask you
some politically correct question.
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You just answer, "I wanna save
the earth and the ozone layer."
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Okay. What's the ozone layer?
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It's between the N-zone
and the P-zone layer.
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Yeah, we got to save that.
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And the earth, too,
because once the earth goes...
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...the planet's gonna be next.
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There's guys coming.
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Well, howdy, folks.
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Parley Wayne, at your service.
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Hi. My German-luxury sedan
is broken down...
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00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,752
...after running over
one of your state birds...
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...the possum.
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I'll be needing a tow truck.
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00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,830
Well, hell, I'd like a tow truck too.
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I'd also like a new wife
and some more teeth.
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00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,437
Look, ZZ Top.
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00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,671
We have got to get to Florida.
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You keep on calling me names
and you just might land there.
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Look, Mr. Wayne--
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No. Parley Wayne
is my first name.
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Last name is Rockefeller.
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I had to drop it though.
I couldn't spell it.
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Look, there's got to be a way
out of here.
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I mean, a car, bicycle...
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...horse you're not dating
at the moment.
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- You know, I do have a truck for rent?
- How much do you want?
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A $1000
and leave the fat boy here.
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That is an outrage.
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Yeah, we don't have $1000.
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The heck with him.
We'll just walk to the next mechanic.
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- Now, where would that be?
- Memphis.
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You know,I sure am gonna miss Hummer.
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00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,678
Yeah, but on the bright side...
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00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:11,708
...the back seat will no longer smelllike Sweet Tarts.
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00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,590
You might remember me
from Desert Storm.
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I'm former-presidential hopeful,
Colin Powell.
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I was gonna throw my support
behind you.
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Well, you still can.
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Jefferson,
my life has never been better.
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00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,915
I already made 3 bucks
collecting cans.
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The babes don't realize
that while I'm dancing, I'm working.
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We are so cool.
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- Excuse me, Kelly.
- It's okay, Dad.
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Pumpkin, what are you doing here?
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I'm in the Miss Spring Break pageant.
What are you doing here?
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I live here.
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00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,354
Hey, Kelly,
who are your dad's friends?
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00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,716
Well, we're Al's good buddies.
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00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,315
I'm Wesley Snipes.
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00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,676
And I'm...
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00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,916
...Woody Harrelson.
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Oh, my God.
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00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:29,316
I loved you guys
in White Men Can't Jump.
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00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:36,878
Oh, my God, isn't that George Clooney
star of that hit TV show ER.
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00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,993
So, Daddy, are you gonna come see me
in the pageant tomorrow?
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No, Kelly, I'm not.
No self-respecting can-man...
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...would watch his only daughter
be gawked at...
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...by a bunch of drunken riffraff
for cheap prizes.
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It means $100,000 to us, Daddy.
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Here, take some cans.
Go buy yourself a bikini.
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00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,158
Man, you know, if I started this
right out of high school...
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00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,636
...imagine how many cans
I'd have by now.
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00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,348
What am I talking about?
I don't need cans.
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00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,434
Once you win this pageant,
I'm not gonna be Can-Man anymore.
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I'm gonna be Hundred-Grand Man.
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00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:39,437
Well, Daddy, I feel good.
I feel strong. I think I can win.
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00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,035
Daddy, you got to do something.
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00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,873
Kelly...
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...we met the cutest lifeguards.
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00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,432
And they want to share
a keg with us.
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But only one because we're on duty.
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00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,914
Hey, how's it going, Can-Man?
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00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,515
Here. Just great.
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00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,228
Jefferson, I'm counting on you
to vote for Kelly.
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00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,080
Yeah, you got my vote, Al.
But there are five judges.
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00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,794
- She needs three votes to win.
- So who are the judges?
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00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,951
A couple
former pageant winners...
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00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,958
...and two of my fraternity brothers,
Wong and DeAngelo.
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00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,357
Well, that's no problem.
We slip them 50 each and Kelly's in.
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00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:31,473
Al, brothers Wong and DeAngelo
are beyond reproach.
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00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,274
Beyond reproach
and rounding second base.
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00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,034
Jefferson, you've got to name
me and Griff as judges.
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00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,311
I don't know.
The only way that can happen...
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00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,114
...is if two of the other judges
became incapacitated.
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00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,869
You might remember me from TV.
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00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:55,231
I used to play Theo
on The Cosby Show.
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00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,718
I love you.
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00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,679
I used to kiss the TV
whenever you came on.
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00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,356
Theo...
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00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,431
...I need to talk to you, alone,
right now.
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00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,950
Not now, Al,
I'm with my number-one fan.
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00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,158
This involves 100,000 bucks.
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00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,197
Bye-bye.
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00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:27,874
Excuse us, gentlemen. Would you come
here a second? Right this way, pal.
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00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,909
Thanks for coming back to get me,guys.
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00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,436
Actually,we just came back for gas...
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...and you happen to be therepulling a plow.
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Wearing a bridal veil.
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00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,075
It was hot out.
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00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,872
Will someone turn on the radio?
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00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:14,790
Jim Dixson reporting from the MissSpring Break Pageant, Fort Lauderdale.
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00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,315
I'm with one of the judges.What is your name, sir?
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00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,835
Jefferson D'Arcy.
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00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,638
I'm single and free to mingle.
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00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,990
Welcome everyone to the 6th annual
Miss Spring Break Contest.
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00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:37,552
Sponsored by the new children's
breakfast cereal, Nothing But Sugar.
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00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,877
Now with Ritalin.
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00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:47,875
And I'm your MC, popular rock-TV VJ,
star of three busted pilots for Fox...
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00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,317
...Dangerous Dan Inwood.
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00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:54,919
Thank you.
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00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,108
Before we bring out the babes,
let's meet our judges.
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00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,954
Representing RTV are former
Miss Spring Break winners...
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00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:05,318
...Missy Cameron
and Tammy Grindstaff-Burke.
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00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:13,156
What was first prize back then,
100 grand worth of chocolate coins?
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00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,957
Our next judge,
frat-boy extraordinaire:
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00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:25,115
Mr. Jefferson D'Arcy.
And ladies, he's single.
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00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,520
Thank you.
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00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,672
Our next judge comes to us
all the way from Taiwan...
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00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,513
...Mr. Miyagi Wong.
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00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,274
And our last judge,
from Fire Island...
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00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:54,150
...an organizer of last year's,
Gay Prance on Washington...
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00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,470
...Carmine "Cha-cha" DeAngelo.
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00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,071
Now, let's meet our five contestants.
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00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:11,270
Miss New York, Claudia Harrison.
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00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,069
Miss Atlanta, Scarlett Turner.
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00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,916
Miss Detroit, Marla Strong.
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00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,949
Miss Beverly Hills, Angela Cohen.
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00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,350
Well, she's got my vote.
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00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,917
Sorry, Al,
it was a moment of weakness.
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00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,795
How much for a lap dance?
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00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,598
Hey.
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00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:55,952
And our final contestant,
Miss Chicago, Kelly Bundy.
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00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,919
Go, Kelly. Go, Kelly. Go, Kelly.
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00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,151
All right.
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00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,631
Let's begin
with the talent competition.
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00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:04,309
Ladies and gentlemen, may I direct
your attention to the center stage...
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00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:10,032
...Miss Chicago
will now blow a bubble.
195
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,797
And now, Miss Beverly Hills...
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00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:35,192
...will eat a banana.
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00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,870
Maybe she's got a cute brother,
Cha-cha.
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00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,152
Okay, ladies, you've proven yourselves
to be incredibly beautiful...
199
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:58,634
...as well as very talented.
200
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:02,276
So now let's see
what you've got upstairs.
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00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,834
No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No.
No, I mean, let's move...
202
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,474
...to the question-and-answer part
of the competition.
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00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,638
We'll begin with you, Miss Detroit.
Now, your question is:
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00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,479
"What would you do
to end world hunger?"
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00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,756
I would tell the hungry people
of the world...
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00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,878
...to take smaller bites
and chew your food thoroughly.
207
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:24,271
That way, your food will last longer.
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00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,519
Now, Miss Chicago,
your question is:
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00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:32,639
"What world leader
do you most admire?"
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00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:37,234
I would like to save the earth
and the ozone layer. Thank you.
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00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,516
No. Thank you.
212
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,031
Well, now, let's keep things bouncing
with the swim suit competition.
213
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,152
We'll begin with Miss Beverly Hills.
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00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,675
Vote for me and I'll marry you.
215
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:08,078
Al, I'm voting for Angela, my new wife,
and don't try to stop me.
216
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,709
Now, look what happened to you.
217
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,349
You see what you made me
go and do?
218
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,352
I didn't want to do it.
219
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:22,715
And, now, this year's
Miss Spring Break is...
220
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,235
...Kelly Bundy.
221
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,359
No more cans for me.
222
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,831
From now on,
I just pick up champagne bottles.
223
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:39,676
And here to present you with your
prize, TV heartthrob Joey Lawrence.
224
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,072
You know, Joey, without make up...
225
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,909
...you kind of look like
my dorky brother, Bud.
226
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,549
I am Bud, you beach-blanket bimbo.
227
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,629
Yeah, you and the three slut-kateers
thought you could just rip us off...
228
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,871
...and leave us freezing in Chicago?
229
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,072
Well, yeah.
230
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,632
Well, think again. No one plays
Bud Bundy and gets away with it.
231
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,758
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Could you cry about this later, Bud?
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00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,877
I'm about to be crowned
Miss Spring Break.
233
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,514
So get off the stage
so I can get my prize.
234
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:31,717
Okay, sure. I'd be happy to,
but first...
235
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,191
...ladies and gentlemen, I want
to apologize for taking up your time.
236
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:41,358
I, Joey Lawrence, would just like
to congratulate you, Kelly Bundy...
237
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:45,593
...and judges Wong,
DeAngelo and D'Arcy...
238
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:51,517
...otherwise known as her father,
his shoe-selling sidekick...
239
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,320
...and our soon to be choked out
next-door neighbor.
240
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,232
Is that better, Kel?
241
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:09,593
Well, I guess my brother,
Martin Lawrence...
242
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,672
...has thanked just about everybody.
243
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,873
So I guess it's time for me
to collect my prize...
244
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,914
...and sing my coronation song, right?
Okay.
245
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,513
There they are. Let's get them.
246
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,788
Mr. Bundy, you're being charged
with fraud and assault.
247
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:43,352
- Would you like a lawyer?
- Do you know any that take cans?
20161
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