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1
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:22,800
Suit, ex-window display, Moss Bros, £30.
2
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,880
Shirt, Burton's sale, £8.
3
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:30,000
Tie, Moss Bros rental, £1 a day,
4
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,200
£1.
5
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,600
Shoes, Cats Protection League, £2.
6
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,480
Looking a million dollars at a funeral...
7
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- ...absolutely priceless.
- I think it's appalling
8
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,600
what you lot have done to this village!
9
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You should be ashamed of yourselves,
10
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,240
turned this place into a bloody circus,
11
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,640
clogging the roads up with your vans,
12
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- filming unsociable hours!
- I did say
13
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,480
you can't park there, Graham, did I not?
14
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,840
- I did say that.
- It weren't like this
15
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,800
when that Father Brown lot were here.
16
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,880
No, they were good as gold.
17
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:05,640
And that Mark Williams, taking time out
to pose for photos with anybody!
18
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,040
Don't get nothing but grief from you lot.
19
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,400
Nan, what you...?
20
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,840
- Get inside.
- It's disgraceful!
21
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:13,880
- Get inside now.
- Somebody's got to say it to them.
22
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,240
Somebody's got to say it.
23
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,800
Your bath bomb's gonna
dissolve to nothing
24
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,280
if you don't hurry up and get in
that bath.
25
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,960
For crying out loud!
26
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,880
You won't be able to use that.
You know that, don't you?
27
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,240
Because she doesn't want to be seen
in a documentary.
28
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,880
She says it's TV for nitwits.
29
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:45,920
Er, so, Kurtan's brother...
30
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,160
- ...snuffed it.
- Half-brother.
31
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,480
Yeah, he died, unfortunately.
32
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,360
Er, but, to be honest,
33
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,680
I didn't really know him.
We weren't close or anything.
34
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,760
Yeah, it's a bit complicated. So...
35
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,720
...me and Ray had the same dad,
Marshal Mucklowe.
36
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,120
He died when I was young.
37
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,760
Er, but he had Ray when he was 20
38
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,840
and then had me
when he was in his fifties.
39
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,280
Kurtan's dad was so old.
40
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,240
He was the same age as Tina Turner.
41
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,760
Yeah, but he couldn't move
like Tina Turner.
42
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,560
Well, no, he had polio.
43
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,640
Try dancing
when your knees are back to front.
44
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,040
Agony.
45
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:29,720
Well, it's always sad
46
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,480
when someone passes away.
47
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,160
I never knew Ray, but, er,
he was a hard-working chap,
48
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,960
by all accounts, and I'm sure
the Mucklowes will give him
49
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,480
the sendoff he deserves.
50
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,200
They're a real, erm, sturdy bunch.
51
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,840
Nice church, though, innit?
52
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,800
Yeah, it's really sad,
53
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,960
but everything happens
for a reason, I suppose.
54
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,320
Yeah.
55
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,240
What reason's that?
56
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,840
Well, it's just the wake's at the Keepers.
57
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,840
Well, what's that got to do with anything?
58
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,080
Well, it's just weird,
59
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:08,200
because John the landlord's recently
installed a power-punching machine.
60
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,200
So you're saying
the reason for Ray's death is
61
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,480
so you can have a punch with the new
power-punch machine at the Keepers?
62
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,160
Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways.
63
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:23,520
Vicar?
64
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,680
Doesn't the Lord work in mysterious ways?
65
00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:28,800
I'm sorry?
66
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,960
The Lord works in mysterious ways,
doesn't he?
67
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,560
Um, yes. Yes, he does.
68
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,040
See?
69
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,720
Thank you. Thank you.
70
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:05,560
Um, I'd just like to, er, quickly say
a few words about my colleague Ray.
71
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:09,600
Now, er, we worked together at Mitsubishi
72
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,400
until Ray retired this year
73
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:16,200
after 42 years of, um, excellent service.
74
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,560
Er, he... he was known as someone
75
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:23,320
who, er, very much
kept himself to himself.
76
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,800
But, um, if you remember Ray
like... like I remember Ray,
77
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:31,040
then you'll remember Ray
78
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,280
liked wearing his overalls
79
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,680
and... eating his lunch at his workspace.
80
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,960
Ray lived and breathed
working at Mitsubishi,
81
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:47,240
and, er, he was often heard
on the, er, factory floor
82
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,760
saying, er, something about, erm...
83
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:56,280
...saying something about,
er, power, er, pumps
84
00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:01,800
and, er, suspension arms
and, um, what have you,
85
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,200
because that, er, that was
his specific area.
86
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,680
But... But over the years,
when we did happen to cross paths,
87
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,880
which, er, was, sadly, not as much
as I would've liked,
88
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:17,200
he'd... he'd always say things like, er,
89
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,600
"Morning,"
90
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,680
and, "See you tomorrow..."
91
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,960
...while Fridays, when he would say...
92
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,760
"...See you on Monday."
93
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:36,600
To Ray, ladies and gentlemen, to Ray.
94
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,440
To Ray.
95
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:52,080
I cannot believe that.
96
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,880
What was that speech all about?
97
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:59,320
You know what? I don't think
Clive knew Ray at all,
98
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,160
because when I asked Clive
what sort of person Ray was,
99
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,960
he was like, "He was sweet,
he was mellow,
100
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,360
"a bit nutty."
101
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,760
And I looked at the blackboard
where Clive was looking,
102
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,600
and he was just reading out
a description of a guest ale.
103
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,480
A guest ale, Ker.
104
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,280
Were you talking to me?
105
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,720
Yeah.
106
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,200
What did you say?
107
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,960
You need to get your head
out of them books.
108
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,640
Just reading your life away.
109
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:43,120
"...a being of flame and air.
She shivered in his embrace
110
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,480
"then, eyes still shut, put up her lips.
111
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,920
"There was nothing cool about the kiss."
112
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,360
Yeah, I really
got into my books of late,
113
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:56,360
and the vicar suggested
I go to a book club that he runs.
114
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,760
And reading this,
115
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,960
I genuinely...
116
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,760
...felt like I was reading a diary...
117
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,880
...of a vampire.
118
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,000
Yes.
119
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,360
It's absolutely
wonderful having Kerry in a book club.
120
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:13,560
Um, she's, I think, getting
so much out of it. I was...
121
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,400
...clearing out Jacob's room
122
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,600
and I found a box
of all his old Goosebumps books
123
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,320
so I gave them to Kerry,
124
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,160
and she has devoured them!
125
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,960
I've got The Blob That Ate Everyone,
126
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,240
er, Say Cheese And Die!,
127
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:33,520
er, A Shocker On Shock Street.
That's really shocking.
128
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,240
The book club used to be run
by a lady called Margaret,
129
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,560
and, as can happen with these things,
it had become a bit of a closed shop.
130
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,040
But Margaret's moved on
and I'm running it now,
131
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,600
and I'm keen the group should be
open to everyone,
132
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:49,120
particularly those who might, er, not be
the most advanced readers
133
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,360
or might lack a bit of confidence,
134
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,000
and it's amazing to see people
come out of their shell.
135
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,640
Next time is Colin's suggestion,
136
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,120
and it's an all-time classic,
The Jungle Book.
137
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,360
Colin, would you quickly like to say
why you chose this one?
138
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,160
No?
139
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,560
That's...
140
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,480
OK. Er, never mind.
141
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:14,240
Erm, well, have fun reading, everyone.
142
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:15,880
Lovely.
143
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,160
So, how are you
doing, then, Kurtan?
144
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:30,080
That wake was an absolute joke.
145
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,640
I thought it was a lovely day.
146
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:37,760
I thought you gave Ray a proper sendoff
that he would have been proud of.
147
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,160
Really? It was like
an advert for Mitsubishi.
148
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,480
Is there really nothing else
anyone can say about him,
149
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,160
other than the fact
he worked at fuckin' Mitsubishi?
150
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,920
- Kurtan, language.
- Sorry, but come on!
151
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,000
Everyone was more interested
in that power-punch machine
152
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,720
than they were paying their respects.
153
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,280
I went round with the condolences book
for people to sign,
154
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,880
and Martin signed it "RIP, Roy".
155
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,160
And he was Ray's uncle,
for crying out loud!
156
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,880
"Roy"?!
157
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,760
How can someone's life
be so meaningless?
158
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,920
No-one's life is meaningless, Kurtan.
159
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,960
That's what it feels like,
160
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,440
because if that was my funeral,
I'd be absolutely raging.
161
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,480
And now he'll just be forgotten about,
162
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,400
like Flat Eric.
163
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,800
- Who's Flat Eric?
- Exactly.
164
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,720
Look, Ray will not be forgotten,
165
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,920
because he'll live on in the memories
that you have of him.
166
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,280
I have no memories of him.
I barely knew the man.
167
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:31,200
Well, this is a good chance
for you to find out about him, then.
168
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,560
I'm sure the rest of the family
have some great stories about Ray.
169
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:38,480
He was probably a lot more interesting
than you give him credit for.
170
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,760
Do you think?
171
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,880
Yeah. Maybe.
172
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:53,600
- I made up my own McDonald's burger...
- Yeah?
173
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,920
- ...by combining two burgers.
- Yeah.
174
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,400
It's called Air, Land and Sea.
175
00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,600
- So it's a Filet-O-Fish...
- Yeah.
176
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,200
...a burger, with, erm...
177
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,040
- ...a chicken burger...
- Yeah.
178
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,720
- Oi!
- ...a McChicken Sandwich...
179
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,440
I heard about your half-brother.
180
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,000
Yeah. Yeah, cheers, Mand.
181
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,960
Yeah, you think that's bad,
182
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,760
my whole brother died once.
183
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:15,960
Aww.
184
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,280
Well, s... sorry to hear that, Mand.
185
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,600
Why are you sorry?
186
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,480
I... Sorry that he died.
187
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,280
Do you know Kevin?
188
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,560
Do you know Kevin?
189
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,680
N-No. No.
190
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,200
Why are you sorry, then?
191
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,360
Well, I'm sorry for you.
192
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,040
Well, why?
193
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,800
I hated him. I'm glad he's dead,
all the wicked things he's done.
194
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,600
Good. And he's burning in hell.
I'm smiling my head off.
195
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,400
Well, that's good, then.
196
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,480
Yeah.
197
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,360
Why's that good?
198
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,920
He's still my little brother
I used to read stories to at night.
199
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,840
- Aww.
- Yeah. Of course.
200
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,040
OK, well, see you in a bit, Mand.
201
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,720
Yeah, see ya.
202
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,040
Hairy Maclary from Donaldson's Dairy.
203
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,160
Yeah.
204
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,040
Blitzer Maloney, all skinny and bony.
205
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,240
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
206
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,080
Muffin McLay... bundle of hay.
207
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,240
Yeah.
208
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,320
Bottomley Potts, all covered in spots.
209
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,760
- Right.
- Yeah.
210
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,040
Hercules Morse, big as a horse.
211
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,000
And Hairy Maclary at Donaldson's Dairy.
212
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,160
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
213
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,080
You know, we were discussing that book
at Book Club the other day.
214
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,280
- Where?
- Well, see ya.
215
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,840
Er, at Book Club at the village hall
with the vicar.
216
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,160
But, yeah...
217
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,640
- Bye, then!
- Bye!
218
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,360
Right. Sorry, bye.
219
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,200
I think my fight-or-flight's kicked in.
220
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,160
- Really?
- Yeah.
221
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,240
- Look at that.
- Come on, let's just get home.
222
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:06,160
- I think I've got it working.
- Yeah? Great.
223
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,520
I've got the tapes here, look.
224
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,640
If it's gonna be anywhere,
it's gonna be in there.
225
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,920
Well, yeah,
226
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,000
I've been thinking a lot about
what the vicar said, and he's right,
227
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,640
I just need to get to know Ray better,
228
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,560
which is, obviously, hard
with him being dead now.
229
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:26,400
But Kerry remembered that her mum's got
a video of Ray's 40th birthday party,
230
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,280
which was also the millennium.
231
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:32,040
So, yeah, proper excited about
seeing what Ray was really like!
232
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,440
It takes me back, doing that.
233
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,480
Bloody hell! Mart?
234
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:43,920
Yeah, what?
235
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:48,080
I can't bloody work this thing! I don't
know if it's been poisoned or not.
236
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,640
I don't wanna lose my deposit
from Radio Rentals. Give it here.
237
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,040
- Look, I can't.
- Martin.
238
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,800
- There's no... No, no, no!
- Just press that.
239
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,680
- I do display there...
- So press that!
240
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,000
I see.
241
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,480
Little Monica and Chandler in there.
242
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,600
- Aww.
- Are you looking forward to
243
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,440
the millennium, little fellas?
244
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:13,720
Millennium party. Party. Party!
245
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,400
- Look how old everything is!
- Yeah.
246
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,240
2000!
247
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,840
- You all right there, Trish?
- Trish!
248
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,840
There we go.
249
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,640
Lovely, lovely!
250
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,760
And, er, you all right there, Rick?
251
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,000
Rick!
252
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,800
- Hi, Sue!
- Hiya!
253
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,040
Where's Ray?
254
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,440
- Martin!
- My dad!
255
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,040
His hair!
256
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,360
Him and that ringtone!
257
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,520
I'm telling you, Stuart!
258
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,760
For goodness' sake.
259
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,200
- Stuart doesn't change, does he?
- No.
260
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:50,560
Kerry!
261
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:51,760
- Kerry!
- That's us!
262
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,400
No finishing the crisps, please!
263
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,480
Kerry!
264
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,480
- We loved that game!
- Yeah.
265
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:01,480
You can't get through to them
when that Crash Bandicoot's on.
266
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,080
I can't get over Dad's hair.
267
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,240
Well, where's Ray, then?
268
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,480
Dancing!
269
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,600
- There he is.
- You having a good birthday, Ray?
270
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,400
There he is. But...
271
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,000
Give me the remote.
272
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:27,920
Rewind it.
273
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,880
You having a good birthday, Ray?
274
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:37,560
There he is, look.
275
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,360
That is haunting.
276
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,640
Yeah.
277
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,600
His own 40th birthday party,
on his own,
278
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,880
a ghost at his own feast.
279
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,400
They were right about
him always wearing his overalls, though.
280
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:57,680
Yeah.
281
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,840
So, welcome to Book Club, everyone,
282
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:09,600
and a very warm welcome
to a new face, Mandy Harris.
283
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,120
It's so lovely to have new members.
Welcome, Mandy. Erm,
284
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,560
so, The Jungle Book,
how did everyone get on with it?
285
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,120
Yes, Kayleigh?
286
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:23,280
I think identity plays
a big part in this world
287
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,720
and the nature-nurture debate,
288
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,720
cos I think Mowgli struggles
289
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,680
with his sense of belonging
in the two worlds.
290
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,840
No.
291
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,200
Er... Er, sorry,
292
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,920
Kayleigh, carry on.
293
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,280
- Carry on.
- And, erm...
294
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:48,120
I think... we see this when he gets
frustrated that he can't do
295
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,920
the things all the animals can do...
296
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,480
...like... smelling.
297
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,600
That's wrong.
298
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,760
Yes, it's great
to have new members.
299
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,680
It's important that the club
is inclusive of everyone,
300
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,280
no matter how experienced
a reader you are,
301
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,800
and each new member brings
a unique and different perspective,
302
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:11,120
which is always welcomed
and creates good, healthy debate.
303
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,360
I don't know about the rest of you,
I think I would love to be friends
304
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,840
with Baloo. He's that big brother
you always wanted, isn't he?
305
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,840
He's not the big brother
I wanted. He's an idiot.
306
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:25,920
Erm... Er, next time we'll be reading
something a little spookier.
307
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,120
Kerry, maybe you'd like
to explain your choice?
308
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,160
Er, this is Goosebumps.
309
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,680
Don't know if you're familiar
with the Goosebumps books.
310
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:37,200
And this is called
Piano Lessons Can Be Murder.
311
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,520
And let's just say, after you read this,
312
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,200
you won't be taking piano lessons
any time soon!
313
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,560
Why?
314
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,400
Er, well, I don't...
315
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,120
Er, you'll... find out when you read it.
316
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,400
Er, no, I won't.
317
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,600
You can tell me anyway, because
I probably won't read it, anyway.
318
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,600
- Well, you might read it.
- No, I ain't gonna read it.
319
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,200
OK.
320
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,480
Er, it's basically about
a boy called Jerry...
321
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,440
...who takes piano lessons
322
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:12,360
and finds out his piano teacher
is a robot.
323
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,840
And then what happens?
324
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:18,480
He, er, murders people,
325
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,760
just chops off everyone's hands.
That's the end.
326
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,880
I probably would've read that
if you hadn't ruined the ending.
327
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,720
Well done.
328
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,160
Right...
329
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,880
So, how do you think
Book Club went?
330
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,360
Um...
331
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,960
Well, er...
332
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,200
I think I know
why you're asking that question.
333
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,200
Why would that be, do you think?
334
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,080
- Mandy...
- Yeah?
335
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,080
- ...has...
- ...was like an atomic bomb,
336
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:09,680
blasting Book Club and all the books in it
337
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,840
within a 40,000-mile radius...
338
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,640
Kerry I... I just think she was
getting the hang of it.
339
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,840
- She was getting the hang of it?
- She misunderstood the ground rules.
340
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,080
- Totally dominating the whole thing...
- Yes.
341
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:21,320
...being rude to Kayleigh.
342
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,560
I had to look after Kayleigh.
Kayleigh was in tears afterwards.
343
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,120
- Was she?
- So I just thought I'd let you know
344
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:30,440
that we both, um, are now
non-members of Book Club.
345
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,480
- No, wait a second, Kerry.
- No, we're walking out.
346
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,280
- Kerry...
- It's either her or us.
347
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:38,160
Kerry, it doesn't need to be like that.
I'm going to talk to Mandy, all right?
348
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,960
- You've got to give me a chance.
- What are you gonna say to her?
349
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,920
You need to say...
I will do what you have to say.
350
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,880
"Mandy, this behaviour is mental, yeah?
351
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:49,120
"You have to not come to Book Club
any more. In fact, you're banned."
352
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,280
- No, Kerry.
- "You need to seek mental health
353
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,000
- "and not come to Book Club."
- Kerry...
354
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,360
- That's what you need to say!
- Hold on one second, please.
355
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,320
Can I speak?
356
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:01,160
Book Club is for everyone,
357
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,520
- and that's the way it's going to remain.
- Yeah, who's not nuts.
358
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,920
Please let me deal with this and...
359
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,680
- OK, I trust you.
- ...and please just trust me...
360
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,080
- I trust you.
- ...to talk to her.
361
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,400
Thank you. Thank you for...
your patience. I appreciate it.
362
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,000
Because I have been patient.
363
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,960
Yep, you have.
364
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,280
OK? Bye!
365
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:18,840
Bye!
366
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,480
Well, look...
367
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:26,080
...there are always tensions
in any group dynamic,
368
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,000
but Book Club is for everyone,
369
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,440
and that is not something
I'm prepared to compromise on.
370
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,080
I'm sure, with time and support,
371
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:37,720
Mandy will blossom into
a very valued contributor.
372
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,080
Can you just stop doing that, please?
373
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,360
You all right?
374
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,880
No, not really.
375
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,040
Why?
376
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,440
Just...
377
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:18,000
I just wish I had...
an anecdote or a story about Ray
378
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,440
so I know that, you know, at least
379
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:25,560
he made some sort of mark
on the world before he died.
380
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,720
Well, I could always ask Mum.
381
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,160
No, don't bother.
I'm not in the mood for her.
382
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,440
Well, she must have some memories of Ray.
383
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,200
Yeah, but I just...
384
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,120
- Well, I can just ask her now.
- No.
385
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,080
- Don't...
- Mum?
386
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,240
Ker...
387
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,600
Do you remember Ray?
388
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,520
- Ray?
- Ray!
389
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:47,880
No!
390
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,240
Ray Mucklowe, Kurtan's half-brother!
391
00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,480
Mum, he's dead.
392
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,640
Mum, Kurtan's down here.
393
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,040
All right, Mum.
394
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,400
OK, enough.
395
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,680
Enough, please.
396
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,600
Sorry.
397
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,680
I did say, didn't I?
398
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:35,240
Just don't get her involved.
399
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,120
OK, so,
400
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,560
Piano Lessons Can Be Murder.
401
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,880
Well, I have to say Kerry, I was
very pleasantly surprised by this book,
402
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,800
so thank you very much for your
suggestion. It was a real page-turner.
403
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,160
- I don't know what you thought. But...
- Vicar?
404
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,080
If it's all right, I wondered
if, erm, because I've been
405
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:03,840
so very, very inspired
by everybody reading books...
406
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,840
...if I read out a story
that I've written.
407
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,080
Er...
408
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,960
...w... well, that's...
409
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,760
...wonderful. Erm...
410
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,400
- Murder In The Cupboard...
- OK, very quickly.
411
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,000
...by Mandy Harris.
412
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,360
"A little girl called Sarah was asleep.
413
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,200
"'Bark, ' said Sarah's dog.
414
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:24,960
"'Shut it, ' said Sarah.
415
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,920
"'Bark, bark, bark, ' said the dog.
416
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,760
"'Shut your mouth, I'm trying to get
40 winks here, ' said Sarah.
417
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,000
"'Bark, ' said the dog.
418
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,400
"'If you bark one more time,
I'm kicking you so hard up the arse.'
419
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:36,720
"'Bark, ' the dog replied.
420
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:41,160
"Sarah booted the dog so far up the arse
his head smashed into the cupboard.
421
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,840
"The door swung open to reveal
a murderer what had been
422
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,960
"hiding in the cupboard this whole time.
423
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,440
"'Fuck, ' said Sarah,
424
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,080
"'I didn't realise you was barking
at a murderer in the cupboard.
425
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:54,440
"'I thought you was winding me up,
because that's what you usually do.'
426
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,320
"The dog didn't reply,
cos it was massively concussed.
427
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,160
"Sarah looked at the cupboard.
428
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,720
"It wasn't a murderer after all.
429
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,120
"It was just a suit jacket
that looked like a murderer in the dark.
430
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,480
"'So you was winding me up
after all, then, ' said Sarah.
431
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,680
"The very next day, Sarah took the dog
to the Dogs Trust
432
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:17,040
"and they couldn't rehome him,
so they, sadly, put him down.
433
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,080
"The end."
434
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,160
Yes, it's... very important
435
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:22,960
that the book club remains as open
436
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:26,640
as possible. Er, at the same time,
437
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,080
sometimes one has to think about
the happiness of the group
438
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:32,640
rather than the individual...
439
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,400
Was any of you surprised
440
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,920
when the murderer in the cupboard
turned out to be a suit jacket?
441
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,840
Cos I was,
and I was the one that wrote it.
442
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,400
...especially when
the individual concerned is...
443
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,840
...somewhat of an acquired taste.
444
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,120
Auntie Sheila sent me Ray's diary,
445
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,640
and it's just...
446
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:58,520
"Monday - Mitsubishi.
447
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,320
"Tuesday - Mitsubishi.
448
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:02,560
"Wednesday - Mitsubishi.
449
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,400
"Thursday - Mitsubishi."
450
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,480
I... I give up.
451
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,520
I mean, the man's life
was just Mitsubishi,
452
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,560
and I've just gotta accept it.
453
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,640
I just realise I've wasted
454
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,720
a lot of time trying to pin
a personality on Ray
455
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,440
that I don't think ever existed.
456
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,040
The man just loved Mitsubishi,
and that's that.
457
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:23,600
"Tuesday - Mitsubishi.
458
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,600
"Kitchen hygiene review."
459
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,680
Fuck me, what's the point?
460
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:29,720
Yeah, so....
461
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:35,280
...I rang up Mitsubishi and asked them
if they'd name their next car after Ray,
462
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,560
which they said was
absolutely out of the question,
463
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:41,200
but they did say they'd, er, fund
a memorial bench in his name,
464
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:46,520
which is nice, and, er, Clive said he'd
come down and do an unveiling ceremony,
465
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,520
erm, which is a little bit annoying.
466
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,160
Lovely.
467
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,760
Yeah, but will people get
that he's dead, though,
468
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,760
and it's not just a retirement bench?
469
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,480
Yeah, I... I think so.
470
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,480
To me, that looks like a retirement bench.
471
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,400
Well, it's certainly a lovely view
of the cricket pitch.
472
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:22,680
That I agree with, yeah.
473
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:25,520
Yeah.
474
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:26,920
- Look, I don't believe it.
- What?
475
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,720
Look, it's a Mitsubishi pulling in.
476
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,160
How poignant!
477
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,320
Er, no, that's
a Honda Civic Type R.
478
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:35,920
I can see why you think
it's a Mitsubishi, though.
479
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,120
Looks a lot like the Evo.
480
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:39,840
But it's not.
481
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,720
Well, he's making a meal
of parking that, ain't he?
482
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,160
No, I think he's just
trying to turn round.
483
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,640
You know, it's funny, if you, erm,
if you put the marketplace
484
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,160
in the sat nav, it always brings you
here, for some reason.
485
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,520
- Really?
- Yeah!
486
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,680
Are you on Waze?
487
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,960
Er, no, I tend to use Google Maps.
488
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,480
Well, I would download Waze.
489
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,400
Why? What's the difference?
490
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,800
Um, well, Waze is more
sort of community-based,
491
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,880
and, er, Google Maps is
more data-based, you know.
492
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:11,440
Waze is better with, er, you know,
traffic alerts and whatnot.
493
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,360
And, well, Google, it's... I dunno....
494
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,200
It's more kind of... I don't know,
it's not... it's not so, er...
495
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:19,920
Rest in peace, Ray!
496
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,360
Yeah, absolutely.
497
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,840
Yes, rest in peace, Ray.
498
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,200
Yeah.
499
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:39,160
So, does Waze alert you to, like,
erm, speed cameras and that?
500
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,800
Well, what happens is
that other people alert you,
501
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,120
so it's like... it's like a kind of
sort of social networking group.
502
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,960
- Right.
- So what happens is, you're....
503
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,600
- How clever!
- Yeah, yeah, it's great.
504
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,040
It's really good. So, you'll get alerted
about all sorts of things, you know,
505
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,120
and it re-routes you.
506
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,200
He's more of a Google Maps man, then.
507
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,560
- I think he's a bit overwrought.
- Yeah.
508
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,960
It's understandable.
509
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,800
Well, yeah, give it a year, I think,
and everyone will be using Waze.
510
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,320
- Do you think?
- Yeah, yeah, I think so, yeah.
511
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:24,360
Hello, Mandy?
Er, it's, er, Francis Seaton here.
512
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,080
Hello, how are you?
513
00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:30,840
Er, obviously, my intention was
for Book Club to be a broad church,
514
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,840
but, well, some people just work better
on their own than in a group.
515
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:39,120
But that's fine. Er, the world would be
a bit boring if we were all team players.
516
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:43,200
Look, the last thing I want to do
is to... upset you.
517
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,920
So Mandy and I had a really
518
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,480
good, robust... honest conversation,
519
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:54,480
and we decided that the best way forward
would be to have a special book club.
520
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,520
So, which one do you want to hear first?
521
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,640
I've got Murder On The Dodgems.
522
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:00,040
The sessions will be
523
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,560
one on one twice a week,
524
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,960
and it can be a sort of open forum
for her creative writing...
525
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,920
...which I'm really delighted about.
526
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:12,520
"Harold had smashed
527
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:16,760
"into Tom's head on his Dodgem,
which served Harold right for shagging
528
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:21,520
"Tom's wife while Harold was away
doing catering for the RAF.
529
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:24,320
"Tom was absolutely furious and got out
530
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,840
"and started banging the shit out of
Harold's Dodgem with his mallet.
531
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,400
"But that only made Harold angrier.
532
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:34,400
"Harold drove his Dodgem straight at Tom
and took his legs clean off
533
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:38,480
"and then reversed over his arms
and crushed them into bits, too.
534
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:43,360
"So Tom was just like a fat sack
of potatoes with no arms or legs,
535
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:47,080
"just a head and a pair of bollocks
hanging off the bottom.
536
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:48,880
"The end."
38374
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