All language subtitles for The.Wonder.Years.S02E13.DVDRip.x264-DEiMOS_track3_[und]

-♪ what would you do
If I sang out of tune? ♪

♪ would you stand up
And walk out on me? ♪

♪ lend me your ears,
And I'll sing you a song ♪

♪ I will try not to sing
Out of key, yeah ♪

♪ oh, baby, I get by ♪
-♪ by with a little help
From my friends ♪

-♪ all I need is my buddies ♪

-♪ high with a little help
From my friends ♪

-♪ I'm sayin'
I'm gonna get higher ♪
-♪ try with a little help
From my friends ♪

-♪ whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ♪
-♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

-♪ happy, happy birthday, baby ♪

♪ although you're with... ♪

-when paul and I
were little kids,

we had our birthdays
only four days apart.

come to think of it,
we still have our birthdays

only four days apart.

but I guess birthdays
aren't as big a part of life

as they used to be.

-♪ would find me beside you ♪

-man, we had
some classic parties.

year after year, we reached
for manhood together.

-♪ baby ♪

-♪ no, I can't call you
My baby ♪

♪ seems like years ago... ♪

-when we fell short,
we fell short together.

god...

we couldn't wait to get older.

-♪ ...We fell in love ♪

-so, what the hell's
A bar mitzvah, anyways?

-it's a ceremony when
You become a man, stupid.

-a man? Pfeiffer?
Ha ha!

That's got to be the funniest
Thing I've heard all day.

Steve, are you hearing this?

Pfeiffer's about to become
A man.

-what's so funny about that?

-you're not a man until
You lose your virginity.

-that's right, so I'd say
You guys are little boys

Until you're at least 45.

-oh, I think that's optimistic.

-well, I mean,
If you're actually

Talking about having sex
With another person.

-oh, shut up, wayne!
You're just jealous.

-yeah, you're just jealous.

-jealous? Why?
Because you get to wear

One of those little beanies
On your head?

-it's called a yarmulke!

And for your information, it
Happens to be a very big deal!

I get to stand up in front

Of all my friends
And my whole family

And say prayers and make
This big speech and stuff.

-a speech? A speech?!

Well, now I'm jealous.
Now I'm jealous.

-[ sighs ]

And then we have
This huge party.

-oh, I've heard
Of those pfeiffer parties.

-very hot. Very hot.

-catered, with all
You can eat and drink.

-ooh.

-and hundreds of guests

And all the girls
I want to invite.

-make sure you keep 'em
On a leash, now.

-and a band.

-a live band?

-and tons of presents.

Well, if you figure
A hundred people...

And they each bring one...

-you're really gonna get
A hundred presents?

-yeah, of course, and that's
Not including the money.

-like how much money?

-it's no set amount,
But I'd say...

Mm, maybe a thousand bucks.

-did he say...

a thousand bucks?

-you got to be crazy.
I'm not gonna pay that.

Well, let me talk
To the mechanic.

Yeah, yeah. I'll hold.

-so, what are you and
Paul gonna do for your
Birthday this year?

-nothing, I guess.

Paul's having his bar mitzvah.

-it's not that
I was jealous of paul.

it's not that I was
feeling sorry for myself.

it's just...

maybe there was a minibike
in this for me somewhere.

-that's right. I forgot.

Well, what are we gonna do
About your birthday?

-I don't know.

-well, it has to be
Something good.

You're turning 13.
It's a big one.

-I guess.

-just not the same
Without paul, huh?

-either that,
or it's just not the same

without a hundred presents
and a live band...

-aww, honey.

-okay. Good, good.

you got her
right where you want her.

now hit her
with the trump card.

-well, I'm not sure I even want
To do anything this year.

-the martyr routine.

-I mean, unless some--

-$500?!

Since when does
An alternator cost $500?

Well, what the hell
Does the transmission

Have to do with this?

-like I was saying,
Unless we could do like --

-look, just don't touch
My car, all right?

Leave it just like you found it!

I'll be right down.

Better grab your coat.

I'll need a ride
Down to the garage.

-don't worry, hon.
-[ clears throat ]

-we're gonna do something fun
For your birthday.

Right, jack?
-yeah, how about we get kevin

A brand-new alternator
For his birthday?

-have some more chicken, kevin.

I made it especially for you.

-that's right. That's why
It's called chicken kiev-in.

[ laughter ]

-dinner at the pfeiffers'.
it was always an experience.

-okay, kevin...

What's that say?

-alvin pfeiffer, optometrist.

I think I was the only person
he knew with 20/20 vision.

he loved me.

-"Ketchup."
-incredible.

What a kid, huh?
What a kid!

-al, leave him alone.
He's eating.

Some more potatoes, kevin?

-ida pfeiffer,
mom extraordinaire.

I think I was
the only person she knew

who really liked
her scalloped potatoes.

she loved me.

-debbie, don't slouch.

And get your elbows
Off the table, please.

I just put that down fresh.

-debbie pfeiffer,
paul's little sister.

the only girl I ever knew

to whom I was her concept
of the ideal male form.

she really loved me.

-[ clears throat ] uh, great
Chicken, mrs. Pfeiffer.

-chicken.

That reminds me of a story.

[ children groan ]

-and grandpa pfeiffer.

he had a thousand stories,

and I was the only person

who hadn't heard them all
a thousand times.

and so, of course...

-kevin, when I was your age...

-...He loved me.

-...Like my grandson
To your right,

I, too, had a bar mitzvah.

Cousin heshy,
Cousin moshe, and myself.

And we were very poor,

So all these fancy-shmancy gifts
That you kids get today...

They weren't around.

So, do you know

What I got for my bar mitzvah,

My entrance into manhood?

-a chicken!

-that's right!
A chicken!

It doesn't sound like much,

But in those days
It was like gold.

So, I took this chicken,

And I put him on some hay
Outside the shul.

And then I started on my baruch.

I was very, very nervous,
Let me tell you.

Sweat pouring from
Every part of my body.

-oh, dad. Dad. Dad!

-I was standing up there,
Doing my thing.

In walks the chicken.

Right in front of the bima.

Sits down, starts to cluck.

And [pops lips]
Out pops an egg!

-you must have been really mad.

-mad? No, no, no.

I had no right to be mad.

It was my bar mitzvah gift,
And as my father always said...

-never look
A gift chicken in the mouth!

-my family is so weird.

-oh, this is a great occasion.

My family is here,

My grandson's friend is here.

So, paul, tell me...

-yeah?

-...You studied hard?

-yeah.

-you know all your prayers?

-mm-hmm.

-then, I have something for you.

-I wondered what it would be.

money? Stock options?
his own car?

-the prayer book that I used
To deliver my baruch...

On that fateful night
Of the chicken.

My grandfather gave it to me.

And tonight...

I wish to give it to you.

-wow!

-pop, he'll get stains
All over it.

Can't this wait until we clear
The table at least?

-no, it cannot.

My grandson...

...You are on the verge
Of becoming a man.

You are about to inherit
The love, the joy...

The bitterness of our people,

The tradition.

From my grandfather,
To my father...

To me...

To my son...

And now to you.

Mazel tov.

-mazel tov.

-mazel tov.

-2,000 bucks for a '66 impala?

That's a joke.

-maybe it was the glow of
the half-glass of manischewitz,

but I felt a sudden rush
of family pride.

I mean, my family
had a rich tradition, too.

all I had to do
was figure out what it was.

-dad?

-hmm?

-where's grandpa arnold from?

-look at that.
Highway robbery.

What'd you say?

-I said, um, where did
Grandpa arnold come from?

-newark.

You know, one of these days
I'm just gonna

Get rid of the damn cars and
We'll all take the damn bus.

-well, like I was saying...

-mom?

-yeah?

-I was just thinking
About something.

-mm-hmm?

-oh. I-I don't know.

See, um, I was over at paul's
House tonight for dinner.

And, see, grandpa pfeiffer
Was telling all these stories

About his bar mitzvah

And when he lived in russia
And everything,

And, um, I started
Thinking about our family,

And I w--
[ garbage disposal grinding ]

[ loudly ]
-is it some kind of law

that they have to run
the garbage disposal

at critical moments
of psychological development?!

-mom?!

[ grindings stops ]
-yeah?

-I-I was just asking you about
Where our family came from.

I mean, what are we?

-what are we?

-yeah, you know,
Like, paul's jewish,

And winnie's irish,
So, what are we?

-oh, well, gosh, kevin,

That's kind of hard to...

Well, let me --
Let me see.

Jack's mother is italian.

Well, actually,
She's half-italian

'cause her mother's romanian.

And then, his father's polish.
Pretty sure about that.

Then, my great-grandfather
Came over from scandinavia.

He came over a long time ago

And married
My great-grandmother,

Whose parents were welsh.

But, of course,
She grew up in ohio

Before they moved to detroit.

-and as my mother tried
to put together the strands

of our old and faded
family tree,

I came to realize
what so many americans do

in search of their roots...

-or was it norway?

-...I was a mutt.

-so, the invitations
Are going out today!

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

I have one for you.

Special delivery!
-thanks.

-there's gonna be
So many babes at this thing
You wouldn't believe it.

I'm inviting sandy mcclouskey,

Jodie hart,
And christine capone.

And I'm gonna make sure the band
Plays plenty of slow songs.

[ both laugh ]

-ahem!

"Please share our joy,
As our son, paul joshua,

Is called to the torah
On saturday, march eight-- "

Wait a minute.

It's on the 18th?

-well, yeah,
I thought you knew that.

-yeah, but...
That's my birthday.

-yeah, I know, but --

-y-y-you didn't tell me
It was on the 18th.

-yes, I did. It's supposed to
Be on the first saturday

After I turn 13.

-I told you that.

-yeah, but I didn't realize...

-I didn't pick for it to be
On that day or anything.

It's just that's when
It's supposed to be.

-I-I know.

-I mean, I'd change it
If I could,

But, I mean, you know,
It's, like, really important.

It's like --
It's like tradition.

-[ sighs ]

-you're not mad, are you?

-well...No, I'm not mad.

It's just I-I'm not gonna
Be able to come, is all.

-you're not?

-well, no.

I mean, my parents have
This whole, big, huge thing

Planned for my birthday.

-not even for the ceremony?

-well, paul, I can't help it

If you're having your stupid
Bar mitzvah on my birthday!

I mean, I'm really sorry
To tell you this,

But you're not the center
Of the whole stupid world!

-♪ happy birthday ♪

♪ to me ♪

-wrench.

No, not the crescent.
The three-quarter.

[ wrench cranks ]

-here.
-kevin, honey?

Paul's on the phone.
Again.

-just tell him I'm busy!

-it's the third time he called.

-well, I don't want
To talk to him.

I'm helping dad!

-I guess the old guy must have
sensed something was wrong.

go ahead, dad, ask.

"I haven't seen paul
around lately.

you two having a fight
or something?"

-screwdriver.

-okay, so he didn't sense it.

I mean, what did I expect?
the man wasn't a mind-reader.

I'd just tell him
what was bothering me.

-we aren't really talking
To each other these days.

-huh?
-paul and me.

We aren't really
Talking to each other.

-oh.

-so, you know, I'm not
Gonna be going to his
Stupid bar mitzvah.

-you don't say...

-it's on the same day
As my birthday.

[ scoffs ]
My 13th birthday.

Can you believe it?

I mean, the whole point
Of a bar mitzvah

Is so dumb, anyways.

I mean, he's only 13 years old,

And everyone's telling him
That he's a man.

[ scoffs ]
And that's really stupid.

I mean, he's just a little kid,
Don't you think?

Dad?

[ wrench cranks ]
-huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's pretty stupid.

-dad?

-huh?

-when did you first learn
To work on cars?

-I don't know.

It's just something I picked up
Along the way, I guess.

[ dog barks ]

-was grandpa good
At working on cars?

-oh, sure. I guess I learned
Mostly from him.

-the fan belt
Looks a little loose.

-huh?

You know, you're right.

It's half-rotten.

I don't know why I didn't
Think to check that.

Hey, look, there's
A extra fan belt in the toolbox.

Why don't you help me
Try to put it on?

-okay!

-as I worked on the car
with my father,

I began to realize what
I'd been looking for all along.

I just needed recognition,

something to tell me
that I was growing up.

-go ahead. All right.
-okay.

-that's good.
Hey, wayne!

Get out here and start the car!

-I-I can do it!

-no, I don't think so, kev.
You're not tall enough.

Here, start it up nice and easy.
-yes, I am!

-step aside, little sprout.

-don't give it too much gas
Till I tell you.

I don't want
To flood the engine.

-the story of my
12-and-three-quarter-
year-old life.

as much a man
as the next guy

until the cards
were on the table.

[ engine sputters ]

then it's a fine
"How do you do,"

a "Pat him on the head," and --

-damn it, kevin! Get the hell
Away from that engine!

That thing
Will take your hand off!

[ engine sputters ]

[ banging ]

-not anymore.

-♪ happy birthday, dear kevin ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

-♪ and you smell
Like one, too, yay ♪

-well, my entrance
into the teen years.

the big 1-3.

could it get
any sweeter than this?

-darn! Your dad wanted
To have the car back in time

For the party so we could
All go for a ride after.

-yep -- paul gets a band
and a thousand bucks...

and I get a ride in an impala
with a new fuel pump.

-well, why don't we just start?
He'll be along.

-here. Open mine first.

[ paper rustling ]

-a poem.

-here.
I'll read it out loud.

It's called "The pain of youth."

The pain of youth...

All its slings and arrows...

Stands breathless, facing time.

Edging its way
To the rim of the nest.

He is pushed, left to fall.

Fall.

[ vehicle approaches ]
Fall to the earth.

And break, writhing in pain.

[ horn honks ]
Oops! [ chuckles ]

That's my ride. I got to go.
Happy birthday, kev.

-why don't you open
The rest of your presents?

-yeah, presents.

who needed a rite of passage?

who needed a father's support?

I had...

-a turtleneck.

A bathrobe.

A wallet.

-and finally...
-a thesaurus.

-well, I just thought
When you were writing
A term paper or something,

And you wanted to say something
Is "Good," for example,

Well, then
You just turn to "Good"

And you can say
"Considerate,"

"Unblemished," or "Pure."

-any synonyms for "Extremely
disappointed" in there?

[ simon & garfunkel's
"Bookends theme" plays ]

[ man singing in hebrew ]

-[ singing in hebrew ]

[ all singing ]

-[ singing ]

-♪ amen ♪

[ simon & garfunkel's
"Bookends theme" plays ]

-[ singing ]

-♪ yummy, yummy, yummy,
I got love in my tummy ♪

♪ and I feel like
I'm lovin' you ♪

♪ love, you're such
A sweet thing ♪

♪ good-enough-to-eat thing ♪

♪ and that's just
What I'm gonna do ♪

♪ ooh, love to hold ya,
Ooh, love to kiss ya ♪

♪ ooh, love, I love it so ♪

♪ ooh, love, you're sweeter,
Sweeter than sugar ♪

-I'll be right back.

-♪ I won't let you go ♪

-hi!

-hi.

-thanks for coming.

-sorry I was so late.

-that's okay.

I felt like such a jerk
Up there.

-no. You were good.

You had this big thing
Hanging from your nose,

But you were good.
-stop it, butthead.

-[ laughs ]
-hey, paul!

Come on over here!
Come on. Dance now.

-come on!
-what?

-just come on!

[ "Hava nagila" plays ]

-and so it turned out to be
a great birthday after all.

I slow-danced
with paul's aunt selma.

I ate more than mrs. Pfeiffer
could have dreamed possible.

and in a funny way,
when I look back on it,

I sort of feel like
it was my bar mitzvah, too.

[ simon & garfunkel's
"Bookends theme" plays ]

-♪ time it was,
And what a time it was, it was ♪

♪ a time of innocence ♪

♪ a time of confidences ♪

♪ long ago, it must be ♪

♪ I have a photograph ♪

♪ preserve your memories ♪

♪ they're all that's left you ♪