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["String Quartet in D Major, Op.
64 No. 5 'The Lark'" by Haydn]
2
00:00:08,268 --> 00:00:11,532
[indistinct chatter]
3
00:00:11,532 --> 00:00:13,578
[Dennis]
Frank, would you like
another buttered nipple?
4
00:00:14,622 --> 00:00:17,495
No. The cream
is making me gassy.
5
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:20,150
- Yeah, well, you have had
four of them.
- Yeah.
6
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,239
- [both laugh]
- You know, we could order you
7
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:23,675
something that's a little bit
easier on the pipes.
8
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:25,329
- [Dennis] Yeah.
- You know,
I know what you're doing.
9
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:27,200
This is your annual
10
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,463
"take me out and see
if you can talk me into
11
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,117
giving you more of my money."
12
00:00:31,117 --> 00:00:32,814
- Oh, stop.
- Uh... Is he talking to us?
13
00:00:32,814 --> 00:00:34,860
- Give me money. [laughs]
- We would never. [laughs]
14
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,644
- [grunts]
- [Dee] And we just want you
to have a fun night.
15
00:00:36,644 --> 00:00:37,732
[Dennis]
Yeah.
16
00:00:37,732 --> 00:00:38,864
Oh. [laughs]
17
00:00:38,864 --> 00:00:40,909
[groans]
18
00:00:40,909 --> 00:00:43,129
- Yeah, get that.
- What you working on there, bud?
19
00:00:43,129 --> 00:00:45,175
I brought my own can
of anchovies
20
00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:47,351
because the fish in this place
is not salty enough.
21
00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:49,483
- Mm, that's...
- I agree.
22
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,702
- Got no taste.
- [both] Yeah.
23
00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:52,312
Yeah, no, I-I hear you.
24
00:00:52,312 --> 00:00:54,314
It's, uh, it's not salty enough.
25
00:00:54,314 --> 00:00:56,621
I want to point something out
here to you, Frank.
26
00:00:56,621 --> 00:00:59,189
I think we do a pretty good job
27
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:00,233
of pretending like
you're not an animal.
28
00:01:00,233 --> 00:01:01,582
[laughs]
29
00:01:01,582 --> 00:01:02,496
Is that thing loaded,
by the way?
30
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,889
Nah, it's not loaded.
31
00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:06,674
- [Dee sighs]
- And get off my back,
32
00:01:06,674 --> 00:01:07,675
huh?
33
00:01:07,675 --> 00:01:09,460
- Hey. Absolutely.
- Yup.
34
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:10,548
You got it. [laughs]
35
00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:11,853
Got no intention to be
36
00:01:11,853 --> 00:01:13,420
- riding on your back, pal.
- No.
37
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:15,205
[Dennis]
We like you
just the way you are.
38
00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:17,337
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
- And I think that, you know,
39
00:01:17,337 --> 00:01:20,166
maybe, just possibly, that
entitles us to a little taste
40
00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:21,950
- of your fortune after you die?
- Oh.
41
00:01:21,950 --> 00:01:22,864
- You know what I mean? I-I...
- Oh.
42
00:01:22,864 --> 00:01:24,257
I want to tell you something,
43
00:01:24,257 --> 00:01:26,912
I am not intending on dying
anytime soon,
44
00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:28,827
so don't waste your breath.
45
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:31,917
- [grunts]
- [sighs]
- You know what? Screw this.
46
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,440
- Okay.
- I... Dee, I told you
this was a mistake.
47
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:34,963
- No, I know, I know.
- I... You know what? I'm out
48
00:01:34,963 --> 00:01:36,182
- of here.
- Couple of vultures
49
00:01:36,182 --> 00:01:37,618
picking at my carcass.
50
00:01:37,618 --> 00:01:38,880
- Uh-huh.
- You know, I am in the prime
51
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,317
- of my life.
- Yeah.
52
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:42,362
I mean, if you think
that you can...
53
00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:45,191
[screaming]
54
00:01:45,191 --> 00:01:46,323
- [Dennis] You shot us!
- [patrons clamoring]
55
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:47,498
- You shot us!
- I'm shot in the face!
56
00:01:47,498 --> 00:01:48,934
You said there were no bullets!
57
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:51,806
Okay, so it was loaded.
My mistake.
58
00:01:51,806 --> 00:01:53,591
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
59
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,201
I just nicked you.
60
00:01:55,201 --> 00:01:58,378
It's not like anybody's
in any real danger.
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00:01:58,378 --> 00:02:00,250
♪
62
00:02:19,312 --> 00:02:20,618
[Charlie]
I'm saying don't shoot
63
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:21,749
the whole balloon down, right?
Like, you-you...
64
00:02:21,749 --> 00:02:23,316
- you pull it down...
- Frank shot us.
65
00:02:23,316 --> 00:02:25,318
He shot us in the face.
We barely survived.
66
00:02:25,318 --> 00:02:26,319
Awesome!
67
00:02:26,319 --> 00:02:27,929
- Wha...
- Uh, no, not awesome.
68
00:02:27,929 --> 00:02:30,497
Oh, sorry.
You came in all excited.
69
00:02:30,497 --> 00:02:31,890
I thought you were bragging.
70
00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:33,500
I was picking up
on an excited energy, for sure.
71
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:34,936
Getting shot in the face
and surviving is pretty cool.
72
00:02:34,936 --> 00:02:36,329
Yeah.
73
00:02:36,329 --> 00:02:37,765
This is insane.
74
00:02:37,765 --> 00:02:39,332
Listen, we got to get his gun
away from him, okay?
75
00:02:39,332 --> 00:02:40,681
I-I don't even care
about the money anymore.
76
00:02:40,681 --> 00:02:41,813
Oh, yeah, no, no, neither do I.
77
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:42,988
I don't give a shit
about the money.
78
00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,685
I mean, the man is a maniac
79
00:02:44,685 --> 00:02:46,339
and he's gonna wind up shooting
everyone in this bar.
80
00:02:46,339 --> 00:02:47,819
Oh, yeah. I do care
about the money, though.
81
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:49,690
- Yeah, no, so do I. Absolutely.
- Yeah.
82
00:02:49,690 --> 00:02:50,952
- It's the only thing I care
about. Are you kidding me?
- Yeah. Yeah.
83
00:02:50,952 --> 00:02:52,432
Come on. You know
what I'm worried about?
84
00:02:52,432 --> 00:02:53,738
I'm worried he's gonna
kill himself with that gun
85
00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:55,348
before he gets
old and senile enough
86
00:02:55,348 --> 00:02:56,958
to rewrite us into the will.
87
00:02:56,958 --> 00:02:58,438
That's it. That's it.
We need him to live
88
00:02:58,438 --> 00:02:59,874
long enough
so he can become fully demented.
89
00:02:59,874 --> 00:03:00,919
- Mm-hmm.
- [Charlie] I know, but, guys,
90
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,268
I'm picking up, like,
91
00:03:02,268 --> 00:03:03,748
a super stressed-out vibe
from you,
92
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:05,880
and it's really important
to remember, like,
93
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,709
you know,
money isn't everything.
94
00:03:08,709 --> 00:03:10,624
Yeah, of course
you don't care, Charlie,
95
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,583
because your dad didn't have
anything to pass down to you.
96
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:15,542
No, that's true,
but my mom does. Yeah.
97
00:03:15,542 --> 00:03:18,328
On my mom's family side, I got a
huge inheritance coming my way.
98
00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:20,765
Wait, what?
99
00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:22,549
H-How did I not know this?
You're gonna be rich?
100
00:03:22,549 --> 00:03:24,899
Yeah. Totally. Yeah.
101
00:03:24,899 --> 00:03:28,294
Well, uh,
rich in history and legacy
102
00:03:28,294 --> 00:03:30,296
and, uh... [clear throat]
...teeth, of course.
103
00:03:30,296 --> 00:03:32,342
Teeth?
104
00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:34,779
Yeah. It's a pretty sweet deal,
actually, you know.
105
00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:36,650
Everyone on my mom's side
of the family,
106
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:39,305
going back to the Niña
and the-the Pinta
107
00:03:39,305 --> 00:03:41,089
and the, uh, Santa Margherita,
108
00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:43,570
um, they've all been putting
their teeth into a jar
109
00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:44,745
- when they die.
- Mm-hmm.
110
00:03:44,745 --> 00:03:46,921
And, uh, when I turn 40,
111
00:03:46,921 --> 00:03:48,575
that sweet little piece
112
00:03:48,575 --> 00:03:49,924
of history's coming my way.
113
00:03:49,924 --> 00:03:51,143
Just stop. Okay, Dee,
114
00:03:51,143 --> 00:03:52,536
we need to get that gun
away from Frank.
115
00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:53,928
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
116
00:03:53,928 --> 00:03:55,800
You don't do something
like that.
117
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,584
You know, because, like,
Frank's gun is a big piece
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00:03:57,584 --> 00:03:58,977
of who he is, right?
119
00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,805
That's his legacy.
That's his history.
120
00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:03,373
That's like, that's like
my jar of teeth, right?
121
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:05,418
I don't want that taken away
from me when I get old.
122
00:04:05,418 --> 00:04:06,767
What are you talking about?
123
00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:09,596
Charlie, I got some
bad news for you, bud.
124
00:04:09,596 --> 00:04:10,728
What?
125
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:13,296
You turned 40 a long time ago.
126
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,691
Yo. Hey, Ma, how you doing?
127
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,737
- Hi, Mom.
- Oh, hi, boys.
128
00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:21,826
- What brings you by?
- Yeah, uh,
129
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:24,002
hey, I want to show Mac
that jar of family teeth we got.
130
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:25,090
Oh.
131
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,744
- Y-You-you do?
- [Charlie] Yeah.
132
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:28,354
Hey, Ma, did you realize
I was over 40?
133
00:04:28,354 --> 00:04:30,617
[gasps] You are?
134
00:04:30,617 --> 00:04:32,663
Yeah, turns out. Yeah, I figured
you probably forgot, too,
135
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:33,925
or something, but, um, yeah,
136
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:35,100
can I get that jar of teeth
now, please?
137
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,537
Oh, okay, I-I'll go
look for them.
138
00:04:37,537 --> 00:04:39,539
Okay, yeah, good.
Go-go get my teeth, please.
139
00:04:39,539 --> 00:04:40,714
Cool. Hey, Mom,
140
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:41,889
since we're here, um,
141
00:04:41,889 --> 00:04:42,977
do we have any kind of, like,
142
00:04:42,977 --> 00:04:44,457
family heirlooms or anything?
143
00:04:44,457 --> 00:04:46,372
No.
144
00:04:46,372 --> 00:04:48,418
[sighs] Like, anything of value
145
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:50,115
that our family owned
at some point?
146
00:04:50,115 --> 00:04:52,117
No.
147
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,815
Hm. Okay, what if it's just,
like, sentimental?
148
00:04:54,815 --> 00:04:56,382
Just, like,
proof that we existed?
149
00:04:56,382 --> 00:04:58,471
Nope.
150
00:04:58,471 --> 00:04:59,646
Wait, what about those letters?
151
00:04:59,646 --> 00:05:00,821
Weren't there
some kind of letters
152
00:05:00,821 --> 00:05:01,822
that my grandfather
wrote to my dad
153
00:05:01,822 --> 00:05:02,693
during World War II?
154
00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,391
Yeah.
155
00:05:05,391 --> 00:05:07,132
Those letters exist?
Well, well, who's got them?
156
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,090
Donald.
157
00:05:09,090 --> 00:05:11,571
- Donald? Donald who?
- Oh...
158
00:05:11,571 --> 00:05:13,660
Duck.
159
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:15,836
[laughs] Yeah.
160
00:05:15,836 --> 00:05:17,838
Donald... Donald Duck?
What's she talking about?
161
00:05:17,838 --> 00:05:19,840
Yeah, my mom's making a joke.
She's-she's really funny.
162
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,451
She's got a great sense
of humor. Right, Mom?
163
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:25,411
Yeah. She's talking
about my Uncle Donald.
164
00:05:25,411 --> 00:05:27,195
Huh. I didn't even know
you had an uncle Donald.
165
00:05:27,195 --> 00:05:28,675
Yeah, yeah,
that's my dad's brother.
166
00:05:28,675 --> 00:05:30,416
Donald McDonald?
167
00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:31,504
Yeah.
168
00:05:31,504 --> 00:05:33,419
Ronald McDonald.
169
00:05:33,419 --> 00:05:35,856
Donald McDonald. Wow.
170
00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:37,728
Your dad really scored with
the name Luther, I guess, huh?
171
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:38,946
[Bonnie screams]
172
00:05:38,946 --> 00:05:41,427
Mom? What happened?
173
00:05:41,427 --> 00:05:43,037
- [Mac] Oh, shit.
- [muffled whimper]
174
00:05:43,037 --> 00:05:44,343
Did she try to pull out
her own teeth?
175
00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:45,779
Did you just try to pull out
your own teeth?
176
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,825
- Mm-mm.
- She clearly did.
177
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,130
- I can see the pliers.
- We can see the pliers, Mom.
178
00:05:50,610 --> 00:05:52,525
- Ah! Ugh!
- Oh!
179
00:05:52,525 --> 00:05:54,875
- I'm so sorry.
- [Charlie] Mom.
180
00:05:54,875 --> 00:05:57,530
Oh, my God. Why did you do that?
181
00:05:57,530 --> 00:05:59,880
I didn't have the heart
to-to tell you,
182
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:03,057
I gave away the jar. [crying]
183
00:06:03,057 --> 00:06:05,495
You gave away the jar of teeth?
To who?
184
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:06,713
Your sisters.
185
00:06:06,713 --> 00:06:08,541
To my sisters?
186
00:06:08,541 --> 00:06:10,978
Those ungrateful bitches.
What the hell, Mom?
187
00:06:10,978 --> 00:06:12,458
They don't even live
in Philly anymore.
188
00:06:12,458 --> 00:06:13,459
They moved all the way
up to northern New Jersey.
189
00:06:13,459 --> 00:06:15,461
They're terrible to you.
190
00:06:15,461 --> 00:06:16,810
I'm the one who stayed. I'm
the one who takes care of you.
191
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,116
How could you do that?
192
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,726
[screaming]
193
00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:21,902
- Now she's screaming.
- This is crazy.
194
00:06:21,902 --> 00:06:23,643
Now she's screaming.
Now she's screaming.
195
00:06:23,643 --> 00:06:25,079
- Well, you yelled at her.
- Now Mom's screaming.
196
00:06:25,079 --> 00:06:26,733
Now Mom's screaming.
197
00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:28,779
Ah, I can't believe
you did this!
198
00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:30,911
- Why are you yelling at her?
I don't know...
- She gave it away to my sisters.
199
00:06:30,911 --> 00:06:32,478
They're the worst people
on the planet.
200
00:06:32,478 --> 00:06:33,479
I didn't even remember
that you had sisters.
201
00:06:33,479 --> 00:06:35,089
All right. Okay, okay.
202
00:06:35,089 --> 00:06:36,830
Look, we're just gonna have
to go and get them.
203
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,484
I think she's having
a stroke, dude.
204
00:06:38,484 --> 00:06:40,181
We're just gonna have
to get in the car right now
205
00:06:40,181 --> 00:06:41,618
- and go get them. Come on, man.
- We should go to the hospital.
206
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:43,010
Let's get in the car. Let's go.
207
00:06:43,010 --> 00:06:44,664
Mrs. Mac, we're taking your car.
Mom, just calm down.
208
00:06:44,664 --> 00:06:46,797
It's okay, okay? I'm not mad
at you. It's fine, okay?
209
00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,712
- I love you.
- Breathe through your,
breathe through your nose.
210
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,235
- I love you, too.
I love you, too.
- This is fucking insane.
211
00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:51,976
I made a mistake.
212
00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:54,239
You did make a mistake.
You did make this... All right.
213
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:55,675
Christ, let's get her
cleaned up. All right.
214
00:06:55,675 --> 00:06:56,763
I didn't mean to upset you.
215
00:06:56,763 --> 00:06:58,765
[Frank grunting]
216
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:01,725
Frank, um,
217
00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:03,291
could you stop scratching
yourself with the gun, please?
218
00:07:03,291 --> 00:07:04,989
- I'm itchy, I'm itchy.
- I-I bet.
219
00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:06,556
Probably from rolling around
in the grass
220
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:07,687
outside of your apartment.
221
00:07:07,687 --> 00:07:09,123
No, I was rolling around
in the grass
222
00:07:09,123 --> 00:07:10,298
because I was itchy.
223
00:07:10,298 --> 00:07:11,604
The itch came first.
224
00:07:11,604 --> 00:07:13,084
Okay, well, why don't you
hand me the gun,
225
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:14,259
- and I'll scratch you
with my fingers.
- Yeah.
226
00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:15,782
I'm not gonna hand you my gun,
227
00:07:15,782 --> 00:07:17,131
but I'll let you scratch.
You want to scratch me?
228
00:07:17,131 --> 00:07:19,743
- Go on. [grunts] Yeah.
- Okay.
229
00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:21,135
- All right.
- Scratch me. See.
230
00:07:21,135 --> 00:07:22,920
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do it down by the neck.
231
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,704
- Frank, I...
- [Frank] The back of the neck.
The back of the neck.
232
00:07:24,704 --> 00:07:25,879
Okay, but I just don't want
to get shot again, is all.
233
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,185
The gun's not loaded.
234
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,969
Yeah, that's what you said
last time, Frank.
235
00:07:28,969 --> 00:07:31,058
[Frank]
[grunts] I got to take a piss.
236
00:07:31,058 --> 00:07:32,277
- Pull over.
- [Dennis] All right.
237
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:38,892
[grunting]
238
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,024
Okay.
239
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:41,678
- [grunting]
- Goddamn it.
240
00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,201
This is not working.
241
00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:44,681
Should we just attack him
and take it?
242
00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:46,552
What? No.
243
00:07:46,552 --> 00:07:48,598
He'd mow us down like Scarface.
We can't come at him like that.
244
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,730
- We'll spook him.
- Yeah.
245
00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:51,949
You know what?
He needs to be lulled
246
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,820
into a false sense of security.
247
00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:55,213
You don't tell a dog
you're taking him to a vet
248
00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:56,562
to put him down.
249
00:07:56,562 --> 00:07:57,868
Right.
250
00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:02,046
You give that dog
the best day of his life,
251
00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:04,352
and then you turn out the lights
when he least suspects it.
252
00:08:04,352 --> 00:08:06,659
- [laughs]
- Okay.
253
00:08:06,659 --> 00:08:08,052
Okay. Oh...
254
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,184
Ooh.
255
00:08:10,184 --> 00:08:12,709
Ooh, that was a long wait.
256
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:13,927
Ooh!
257
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,276
Wow.
258
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,584
♪ On the road again ♪
259
00:08:18,584 --> 00:08:19,933
♪ Just can't wait... ♪
260
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,369
Why is your mom driving
my mom's car?
261
00:08:21,369 --> 00:08:22,893
I don't know. Dude, they got
some weird arrangement
262
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:25,330
worked out so your mom
can focus on smoking.
263
00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,637
Speaking of, I'm getting
choked to death back here.
264
00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:29,203
Mrs. Mac, do you mind, like,
cracking a window or something?
265
00:08:29,203 --> 00:08:31,205
No.
266
00:08:31,205 --> 00:08:33,077
Why not? I mean, it's ridiculous
to just sit in the smoke.
267
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:36,733
'Cause it's too drafty.
It's unhealthy.
268
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:38,082
- Right.
- Unheal... What?
269
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:40,084
Sorry, my mom's on
a new health kick. [laughs]
270
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:41,738
Hey, Mom, it's working.
You look great.
271
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,217
Shut up.
272
00:08:43,217 --> 00:08:44,958
[Charlie]
Can we, like speed up
or something?
273
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,395
Another car just passed us.
Mom, that's, like, the 50th car.
274
00:08:47,395 --> 00:08:48,745
Why are you going so slow?
275
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,311
Well, highways are scary.
276
00:08:50,311 --> 00:08:52,096
You're going 35.
277
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,227
- I can see you're going 35.
- But... And everybody's
278
00:08:53,227 --> 00:08:54,402
just in such a hurry.
279
00:08:54,402 --> 00:08:55,839
No, it's just the normal...
280
00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,362
It's the speed that people go
on the highway.
281
00:08:57,362 --> 00:08:59,277
Okay, maybe I should drive.
Mom, can I drive your car?
282
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:00,670
- Can Mac drive?
- No.
283
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,150
Ugh, this is my worst
nightmare, man.
284
00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:04,848
This is absolutely terrible.
How much further?
285
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,284
Anyone know? Mac?
286
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:08,329
How much further? Mac?
287
00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:10,070
Mac? Hello?
288
00:09:10,070 --> 00:09:13,770
[whispering] My mom's finger
is up, which means "no talking".
289
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,423
She's annoyed. It's best if we
290
00:09:15,423 --> 00:09:17,774
just keep it down
until the finger goes down,
291
00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:20,037
otherwise, she might burn us
with the cigarette lighter.
292
00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:22,256
[whispers]
This is my worst nightmare
293
00:09:22,256 --> 00:09:23,388
in my entire life.
294
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:26,870
[normal volume]
Okay, finger's down. Um, great.
295
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:28,654
Uh, okay, Mrs. Kelly,
you're gonna want to stay
296
00:09:28,654 --> 00:09:30,874
on the Jersey Turnpike
until you hit 287.
297
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:33,050
You want to take 287
towards Hamburg.
298
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:35,052
Mm, no. That...
No, you just stay on the 206
299
00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:36,053
the whole way up.
300
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:37,228
No, no, we're gonna,
301
00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:38,751
we're gonna hit Hamburg
on the way.
302
00:09:38,751 --> 00:09:39,752
Why are we going to Hamburg?
303
00:09:39,752 --> 00:09:41,232
We're gonna visit
my Uncle Donald.
304
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:44,365
- Donald McDonald
of Hamburger, New Jersey?
- Hamburg.
305
00:09:44,365 --> 00:09:46,280
A bunch of old letters that
weren't even written to you?
306
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,934
That's not a legacy, it's
a bunch of meaningless shit.
307
00:09:47,934 --> 00:09:50,981
Not as meaningless as a jar
full of teeth. [screams]
308
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,112
- [Charlie] Ah! She got you.
She got you.
- Sorry, Mom, sorry, Mom.
309
00:09:52,112 --> 00:09:53,418
Sorry, Mom.
I didn't see the finger.
310
00:09:53,418 --> 00:09:55,289
No, her hand was not
in the air that time.
311
00:09:55,289 --> 00:09:56,856
- She burnt the shit out of me.
- You didn't even put your hand...
312
00:09:56,856 --> 00:09:58,771
- Oh, it's up now, it's up now.
- Yeah.
313
00:09:58,771 --> 00:10:01,034
[Dennis]
Frank, we got a little
surprise for you, bud.
314
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,209
What's that?
315
00:10:02,209 --> 00:10:04,255
Hamburgers.
316
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:06,257
- Oh, hamburgers?
- [laughs]
317
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:08,172
Oh, that's one
of the best food there is.
318
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,435
Yeah, yes, they really are.
319
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,742
And, you know what, you can eat
them right here in the car.
320
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:15,222
You know, once in a while,
they give me the runs.
321
00:10:15,222 --> 00:10:17,442
Yeah, that's why we put
that towel down for you, buddy.
322
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:19,792
Mmm. Mmm!
323
00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:21,794
- [smacking lips]
- Okay. All right.
324
00:10:21,794 --> 00:10:22,969
- Mmm.
- You want to take it easy?
325
00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:24,318
Goddamn. Just one bite
at a time,
326
00:10:24,318 --> 00:10:25,798
or you're gonna barf everywhere.
327
00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:27,974
- Mmm.
- Yeah, it's good, huh?
328
00:10:27,974 --> 00:10:29,715
Yeah, really hammering them
down there, huh, bud?
329
00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:30,847
Very good. Mmm.
330
00:10:32,979 --> 00:10:35,155
Oh! [laughs]
331
00:10:35,155 --> 00:10:36,722
I almost ate my gun.
332
00:10:36,722 --> 00:10:37,810
[laughing]
333
00:10:37,810 --> 00:10:38,811
I dipped it in the ketchup.
334
00:10:38,811 --> 00:10:39,856
Thought it was a french fry.
335
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:40,900
Yeah, that is funny. [laughs]
336
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:41,945
Wow.
337
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:42,946
Hey, you know what?
338
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,077
I'm-I'm gonna pull over, Frank.
339
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,123
I got to take a piss anyway.
340
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,472
Again. Okay.
341
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:52,129
- [Dennis] Well, Frank...
- [Frank] What?
342
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:53,304
[Dennis]
Look where we are.
343
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:55,001
We're at the bridge.
344
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:57,003
Oh, I haven't been here
in forever.
345
00:10:57,003 --> 00:10:58,918
- Go check it out... Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh.
346
00:10:58,918 --> 00:11:01,355
- Ooh.
- Did-did you just slam your head
into the window?
347
00:11:01,355 --> 00:11:03,357
Yeah, I didn't realize
it was up.
348
00:11:03,357 --> 00:11:05,142
Well, were you gonna
dive out of it?
349
00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:07,187
Yeah, I was very excited.
I want to go.
350
00:11:07,187 --> 00:11:08,972
- All right.
- Go see the boys.
351
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,016
- Have fun, buddy.
- Go see the boys.
352
00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:11,626
- Get after it.
- [chuckles] Okay.
353
00:11:11,626 --> 00:11:14,847
- [Frank] Okay.
- I don't know how much
more of this I can take.
354
00:11:14,847 --> 00:11:17,067
Hey, we're almost there, Dee,
okay? He's getting tired.
355
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:18,851
Let's let run him around
the bridge for a little while,
356
00:11:18,851 --> 00:11:20,461
- and then we have
one more stop, okay?
- Uh...
357
00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:26,380
Oh, he's pissing
on another hydrant.
358
00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:28,208
Okay. He's...
359
00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:30,558
literally turning into a dog.
360
00:11:30,558 --> 00:11:31,821
Yeah.
361
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,216
I got to smash.
362
00:11:36,216 --> 00:11:38,392
You just smashed. You smashed,
like, three times
363
00:11:38,392 --> 00:11:40,264
on the way up here.
We keep having to pull over
364
00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:41,918
- so you can smash. What...
- There is a lot of smashing.
365
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,397
She's very regular.
366
00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:45,095
Oh, no, I'm out of paper towels.
367
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:47,140
Oh, I wouldn't worry
about that, Mrs. Kelly.
368
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,229
I'm sure my Uncle Donald
has toilet paper.
369
00:11:49,229 --> 00:11:50,404
You've been wiping
with paper towels?
370
00:11:50,404 --> 00:11:52,929
I hope everyone
371
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,800
brought their appetite
372
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,324
because I made quiche.
373
00:11:57,324 --> 00:11:58,543
- [gasps]
- [laughs]
374
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:00,806
Aw, that's really nice,
Uncle Donald,
375
00:12:00,806 --> 00:12:01,981
but we're kind of in a hurry.
376
00:12:01,981 --> 00:12:04,810
W-Well, that's a shame.
[stammers]
377
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,246
We never get to see each other.
378
00:12:06,246 --> 00:12:08,553
Yeah, that is a shame,
379
00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:11,512
but I'm really here
about the letters.
380
00:12:11,512 --> 00:12:13,819
You know, the letters that
381
00:12:13,819 --> 00:12:15,429
Grandpop wrote to you and Dad
during the war.
382
00:12:15,429 --> 00:12:18,824
Oh. Oh, yes, yes,
I-I-I have those letters.
383
00:12:18,824 --> 00:12:20,391
Oh, that's great.
384
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,262
I was kind of hoping
they would pass down to me.
385
00:12:22,262 --> 00:12:24,308
You know, sort of like
a family heirloom.
386
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,919
Well, that would make sense
because, well,
387
00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:29,008
they weren't actually
written to me.
388
00:12:29,008 --> 00:12:31,968
They were addressed
only, uh, to your dad.
389
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:34,884
Grandpop didn't write to you?
390
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:37,408
He-he liked your dad,
uh, more.
391
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:39,192
Uh, you know, I was the, um,
392
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,064
you know, "funny" one, you know.
393
00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:43,283
It's the reason
I never got married.
394
00:12:43,283 --> 00:12:45,851
Not something we talked about
back then, but...
395
00:12:45,851 --> 00:12:48,201
but i-it always made me feel,
396
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:51,030
uh, a little, uh...
397
00:12:51,030 --> 00:12:53,250
different.
398
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:55,034
Well, I-I'm sure
you can understand
399
00:12:55,034 --> 00:12:56,166
what that feels like, Ronald.
400
00:12:58,646 --> 00:13:00,039
No.
401
00:13:00,039 --> 00:13:02,128
So, the letters?
402
00:13:02,128 --> 00:13:04,478
- Oh, yes. [laughing]
- Yeah?
403
00:13:04,478 --> 00:13:06,263
- [Charlie] Oh!
- Sure.
404
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:08,308
Okay.
405
00:13:08,308 --> 00:13:10,571
Yeah, this is, uh,
this is great, Uncle Donald,
406
00:13:10,571 --> 00:13:11,877
'cause it's really gonna tie
407
00:13:11,877 --> 00:13:13,879
a lot of things together
for me, you know?
408
00:13:13,879 --> 00:13:15,881
It's, uh... I have something
to pass down to my kids.
409
00:13:15,881 --> 00:13:17,404
It's-it's important
to have a legacy.
410
00:13:17,404 --> 00:13:19,145
Oh, yes. You know, I...
411
00:13:19,145 --> 00:13:21,234
I wouldn't know, though.
I, you know, I...
412
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,149
I don't have
any children of my own.
413
00:13:23,149 --> 00:13:25,195
Oh, yeah.
414
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:26,979
- [whispers] What is
this guy's deal?
- [Donald] Oh, here they are.
415
00:13:26,979 --> 00:13:29,199
[whispers] It's, like,
everything you've ever wanted.
416
00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:31,984
Kind of sad, really, uh,
me keeping letters
417
00:13:31,984 --> 00:13:34,291
that, uh, weren't even for me.
418
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,641
[laughs]
You know. But, uh,
419
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:40,166
I guess I just, uh,
wanted a connection, uh...
420
00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:41,951
[sniffles]
421
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,169
...with my dad.
422
00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:46,172
Yeah.
423
00:13:46,172 --> 00:13:49,959
That is sad.
424
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:52,004
If I could just... Yeah.
Thank you.
425
00:13:52,004 --> 00:13:54,311
I mean, you know,
there's nothing more...
426
00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:56,356
more important in this world
than the connection
427
00:13:56,356 --> 00:13:58,358
between a father and a son.
428
00:13:58,358 --> 00:14:01,100
Well, besides the connection
between a son and a mother.
429
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,580
Right, Mom?
430
00:14:04,538 --> 00:14:06,236
She's smashing.
431
00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:08,629
- Yeah, she took off, man.
- Yeah, she had to smash.
432
00:14:08,629 --> 00:14:11,589
Well, I guess we could wait
for her in the car.
433
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,199
This is so annoying.
434
00:14:13,199 --> 00:14:14,809
I mean, you're gonna
take time out of my day,
435
00:14:14,809 --> 00:14:16,333
and you have everything you've
ever dreamed of right here,
436
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,291
but we're gonna just blow
right past it, aren't we?
437
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,945
It's probably time to go, huh?
438
00:14:19,945 --> 00:14:21,947
- Well, uh, o-okay.
- Yeah.
439
00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:23,296
Okay, well-well, uh,
you know, hey,
440
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,255
if you ever want to, uh,
you know, hang out,
441
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:27,648
you know, we could throw
the old football around.
442
00:14:27,648 --> 00:14:29,433
Ah, I don't really like
playing football.
443
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,087
It's kind of for jocks.
444
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,392
- It's all he ever talks about
- No, it's like...
445
00:14:32,392 --> 00:14:34,177
is wanting to have
a catch with his dad, so...
446
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,047
Nah, 'cause remember
we were talking about how
447
00:14:35,047 --> 00:14:36,483
it was like a... for jocks?
448
00:14:36,483 --> 00:14:38,442
- Uh, no. That never happened.
- Oh.
449
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,444
Uh, yeah, well, uh,
we could read.
450
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:41,880
- We could read.
- Oh, but, like, he can't read.
451
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,360
- Imagine that. Imagine that.
- He can't read, so...
452
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,404
Yeah, but he's not talking
about me, he's talking about
453
00:14:44,404 --> 00:14:45,666
- bonding with you.
- Yeah, like...
454
00:14:45,666 --> 00:14:47,103
But we're gonna
blow right past this, huh?
455
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:48,582
Reading is for nerds, so...
456
00:14:48,582 --> 00:14:49,975
- Yeah, is that what it is?
- Yeah.
457
00:14:49,975 --> 00:14:51,281
- Uh, cards?
- Uh, well,
458
00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:53,413
the thing about cards
is, like, with the...
459
00:14:53,413 --> 00:14:56,155
the jacks and the queens
and the kings and, like,
460
00:14:56,155 --> 00:14:57,765
I don't like
celebrating royalty.
461
00:14:57,765 --> 00:14:59,767
- You know, he-he knows that.
- Oh, my God, dude.
462
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:01,595
- Oh, my God, man.
- You know that.
We've talked about that.
463
00:15:01,595 --> 00:15:03,989
You're driving me crazy, dude.
All right, fine, let's go.
464
00:15:03,989 --> 00:15:06,252
- Bye-bye.
- Okay, maybe you guys
can swap phone numbers or...
465
00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:08,602
- I think that would be weird.
- No? No, not gonna do it?
466
00:15:08,602 --> 00:15:10,256
- That would be weird. Okay.
- Fine, then this was a good
waste of our time, wasn't it?
467
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:13,564
- Well, there it is.
- The ocean.
468
00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:14,782
- Yep.
- Mm.
469
00:15:14,782 --> 00:15:15,783
[Dennis] Beautiful.
Probably brings back
470
00:15:15,783 --> 00:15:17,002
a lot of good memories.
471
00:15:17,002 --> 00:15:18,786
- Right, Frank?
- Absolutely.
472
00:15:18,786 --> 00:15:21,789
- Yeah.
- You guys, uh, mind if I...
473
00:15:21,789 --> 00:15:23,966
- Oh, no. Of course. No, please.
Please. Yeah.
- Please. Yeah.
474
00:15:25,489 --> 00:15:27,447
Take that you, cesspool.
475
00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:30,450
Polluted sack of shit.
476
00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:32,670
You know, Dee, I kind of feel
like we did a good thing here.
477
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,412
I do, too.
We gave him a good day.
478
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,109
- Mm-hmm.
- For him.
479
00:15:37,109 --> 00:15:38,676
Not for a normal person.
480
00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:39,677
- [chuckles]
- Yeah. Jesus.
481
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:43,289
Right.
482
00:15:43,289 --> 00:15:44,464
You all done, bud?
483
00:15:44,464 --> 00:15:46,814
- Yeah. Thanks, guys.
- Yeah.
484
00:15:46,814 --> 00:15:48,468
- Good. Hey, oh, absolutely.
- Yeah.
485
00:15:48,468 --> 00:15:50,470
- You got it.
- Hey, listen,
where to now, Frank?
486
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:52,124
- We want to take you somewhere.
- Uh, no, it's okay. I get it.
487
00:15:52,124 --> 00:15:54,083
I-I thought it was
a cash grab at first,
488
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,085
but I see where you're going.
489
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:58,478
The hamburger, playing
with Duncan under the bridge,
490
00:15:58,478 --> 00:15:59,697
and now the beach.
491
00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:01,525
A perfect day
can't last forever.
492
00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:03,309
I know why we're here.
493
00:16:03,309 --> 00:16:05,485
Oh. You do?
494
00:16:05,485 --> 00:16:06,791
[chuckles]
Gosh.
495
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,358
Thanks for making it
so easy on us.
496
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,186
- We expected more resistance.
- Yeah.
497
00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,579
Well, I guess hung on
a little bit too long.
498
00:16:12,579 --> 00:16:15,060
- A little bit.
- And afterwards,
you guys can have the money.
499
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:16,670
- [gasps] You mean it?
- Really?
500
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:18,542
Yeah. Here.
501
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:20,674
Oh. Gosh.
502
00:16:20,674 --> 00:16:23,068
I-I got to say, this-this went
503
00:16:23,068 --> 00:16:24,722
- so much more smoothly than I...
- Yeah, it really did.
504
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:27,029
Uh, just do it when I'm looking
out at the ocean.
505
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,337
Huh?
506
00:16:31,337 --> 00:16:34,166
Ah, don't be coy.
I had a good run.
507
00:16:34,166 --> 00:16:35,776
- What are you...
- And it's really good
508
00:16:35,776 --> 00:16:36,690
you didn't do it
in front of Charlie.
509
00:16:36,690 --> 00:16:37,865
That was a class move.
510
00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:39,693
Just put me down quick.
511
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:43,088
Put you down? Wha...
512
00:16:43,088 --> 00:16:44,698
Oh, you know what?
I think I'm gonna run,
513
00:16:44,698 --> 00:16:46,613
and then you do
what you have to do.
514
00:16:46,613 --> 00:16:49,094
But if you shoot me in the leg,
come over and finish me off,
515
00:16:49,094 --> 00:16:50,748
because I don't want
to lay there and suffer.
516
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,184
- Actually, here,
I'm gonna take...
- What?
517
00:16:52,184 --> 00:16:53,707
What the hell are you doing?
518
00:16:53,707 --> 00:16:55,840
I'm gonna go natural,
because I've seen
519
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,886
too many guys die
and take a shit in their pants.
520
00:16:58,886 --> 00:17:00,584
I don't want that.
And bury my poop.
521
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:02,455
Or just kick some sand over it.
522
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,370
'Cause... And then you can do
what you want to do.
523
00:17:04,370 --> 00:17:07,112
You can float me out into
the ocean and let sharks eat me.
524
00:17:07,112 --> 00:17:08,374
Or you can leave me
on the ground,
525
00:17:08,374 --> 00:17:09,419
gruesome for the kids to see.
526
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,551
Oh, ugh. Oh, my God.
527
00:17:11,551 --> 00:17:13,771
We are not gonna
kill you, Frank.
528
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,729
- Huh?
- What, did you think
529
00:17:15,729 --> 00:17:17,862
we were just gonna shoot you
right here on the beach?
530
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,037
I mean,
there-there's people around.
531
00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:20,647
I'm actually surprised
they didn't run
532
00:17:20,647 --> 00:17:22,910
- when you started
shooting the ocean.
- I-I'm not.
533
00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:24,869
It's the Jersey Shore.
But good God, man.
534
00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:26,479
Well, if you're not gonna
snuff me out,
535
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,220
what the hell are you doing?
536
00:17:28,220 --> 00:17:29,874
We were giving you
one last day with your gun.
537
00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:31,615
Yeah, it's time
to let it go, Frank.
538
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:32,703
You were stealing my gun?
539
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:33,878
- [Dennis] Well...
- Screw that.
540
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,184
No, it's too dangerous, Frank.
541
00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:36,707
You're out of control
with that thing.
542
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,230
By the way,
you're out of the will again.
543
00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:39,840
- What?
- Why? Just because of the gun?
- Yeah.
544
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,192
Exactly. Because I don't
trust you two guys.
545
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,803
I mean, if you're in the will,
who knows?
546
00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,631
You may wind up
shooting me in the back.
547
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:49,937
- Aah!
- You just told us
to shoot you in the back!
548
00:17:49,937 --> 00:17:51,504
That's different.
It's not the same thing.
549
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,679
Take me back to Philly.
550
00:17:52,679 --> 00:17:53,854
You get an Uber.
551
00:17:53,854 --> 00:17:55,508
- [Dennis] Yeah.
- Get in the car.
552
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,206
- Goddamn it.
- Go on. Let's go.
- Dee,
553
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,424
- why'd you let him snatch
that thing back?
- I-I...
554
00:18:00,774 --> 00:18:02,907
All right, let's go.
555
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,735
- Just barge right in, Mom.
- O-Okay.
556
00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:06,780
Don't-don't be shy, okay?
557
00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:08,608
Bunny?
558
00:18:08,608 --> 00:18:10,871
Candy?
559
00:18:10,871 --> 00:18:14,266
- Are you home?
- Which one is the can?
560
00:18:14,266 --> 00:18:15,441
There's probably, like,
a million bathrooms.
561
00:18:15,441 --> 00:18:17,487
Just go find a bathroom,
Mrs. Mac.
562
00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:20,185
- [groans]
- I don't remember those
being your sisters' names.
563
00:18:20,185 --> 00:18:22,187
No, it's not their names.
They had their names changed.
564
00:18:22,187 --> 00:18:24,363
Oh. How do they afford
to live like this?
565
00:18:24,363 --> 00:18:25,364
T-They're doing
some, like, stupid,
566
00:18:25,364 --> 00:18:26,931
like, social media thing.
567
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,454
I-I don't know, I guess
they're making a killing on it.
568
00:18:28,454 --> 00:18:31,240
Hey! Candy, Bunny!
569
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,371
- Candy...
- Oh, my God.
570
00:18:32,371 --> 00:18:33,981
[both]
Mom, what are you doing here?
571
00:18:33,981 --> 00:18:35,809
Well, we just wanted
to drive up...
572
00:18:35,809 --> 00:18:36,984
[both]
Why'd you bring Dirt Grub?
573
00:18:36,984 --> 00:18:38,334
Oh, yeah, hi.
Nice to see you, too.
574
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,465
[both]
Shut up, fag!
575
00:18:39,465 --> 00:18:40,466
Why'd you bring your fag friend?
576
00:18:40,466 --> 00:18:41,685
Yeah, why is Mac here?
577
00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:43,817
- [sighs]
- This is so distasteful.
578
00:18:43,817 --> 00:18:45,341
Uh, dude, uh...
579
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,472
You know what? I'm not
gonna argue with you guys.
580
00:18:46,472 --> 00:18:47,647
- Oh, you're not?
- Okay? No, I'm just here
581
00:18:47,647 --> 00:18:49,693
- for the teeth.
- No, you can't have them.
582
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,216
Yeah, you can't
have them, Charlie.
583
00:18:51,216 --> 00:18:52,522
- You can't have them.
- Mom gave them to us.
584
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:54,045
Well, what do you even care
about the teeth?
585
00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:55,742
I-I thought you always said
they were weird and gross.
586
00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:57,266
- They are weird and gross.
- Yeah, super gross,
587
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,484
but people like that stuff,
so we need them.
588
00:18:58,484 --> 00:19:00,617
- We need them.
- Need them for what?
589
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:01,705
ASMR, dickweed.
590
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:04,273
Yeah. ASMR.
591
00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:06,013
What is that? What even is that?
592
00:19:06,013 --> 00:19:08,538
We stick our hands in the jar.
593
00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,583
People pay to watch us
stick our hand in the jar.
594
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,976
- They pay for that shit.
- Yeah.
595
00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:13,499
They like the noise
of the teeth,
596
00:19:13,499 --> 00:19:14,979
and they give us a lot
of money on OnlyFans.
597
00:19:14,979 --> 00:19:16,502
- Like, a lot of money.
- What?
598
00:19:16,502 --> 00:19:18,548
- More than you could
ever imagine.
- Yeah.
599
00:19:18,548 --> 00:19:20,289
All you're doing is sticking
your hands in teeth
600
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:22,508
and people pay you enough
to live like this?
601
00:19:22,508 --> 00:19:25,337
- We obviously take
our tops off. Like...
- Obviously.
602
00:19:25,337 --> 00:19:26,730
- Oh, girls.
- [Bunny] Oh, my God.
603
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,514
- Shut up, slut.
- You're literally a slut.
604
00:19:28,514 --> 00:19:30,342
All right, you know what? Give
me the teeth. Give me the teeth.
605
00:19:30,342 --> 00:19:31,604
No. Finders keepers, bitch.
606
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:32,910
- Finders keepers.
- You did not find them!
607
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,433
- Mom gave them to you!
- Yeah, she did.
608
00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:36,870
- Okay, we're her favorite.
- I clogged the toilet.
609
00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:39,699
- What the hell? Gross.
- Who is this old lady
clogging our toilet?
610
00:19:39,699 --> 00:19:40,831
That's my mommy.
611
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,528
- Gross, Mac!
- Gross, Mac!
612
00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:43,703
Why did you clog our toilet?
613
00:19:43,703 --> 00:19:45,575
Why'd you clog our toilet,
old lady?
614
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:47,490
There was no TP.
615
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:49,753
If there was no TP,
what did you wipe with?
616
00:19:50,971 --> 00:19:51,755
The letters.
617
00:19:53,452 --> 00:19:55,106
You wiped your butt
with the letters
618
00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,369
that Grandpop sent Dad and then
flushed them down the toilet?
619
00:19:57,369 --> 00:19:58,892
Yeah.
620
00:19:58,892 --> 00:20:00,633
- [groans]
- [Bunny] Oh, my God.
621
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,287
This is so weird, guys.
You got to go.
622
00:20:02,287 --> 00:20:03,549
- All right, you know what?
- No. No.
623
00:20:03,549 --> 00:20:05,421
Hey, hey. Put that down.
624
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:06,944
This is gonna be
the new Kelly family heirloom,
625
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:08,728
and I'm gonna put
all my teeth in it
626
00:20:08,728 --> 00:20:11,775
and all of Mom's teeth in it
and none of yours.
627
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,472
[Charlie groaning]
628
00:20:13,472 --> 00:20:14,865
Okay.
629
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:15,953
[mumbles]
Oh, uh, yep.
630
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:18,042
- Yep. Yep.
- You got to stop
631
00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:20,436
doing that. You're not gonna
have any teeth left.
632
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:21,785
You sure you don't want
to pop a couple in?
633
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:22,742
You know, you can be
a part of my legacy, dude.
634
00:20:22,742 --> 00:20:23,787
I-I feel like you should be.
635
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:25,528
- No, I-I'm good.
- Yeah?
636
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:26,833
- Yeah, I'm good.
- All right, I'll tell you what.
637
00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:27,834
When one-one falls out,
go ahead and toss it in.
638
00:20:27,834 --> 00:20:29,575
- It's cool.
- It won't.
639
00:20:29,575 --> 00:20:32,056
[gunshots]
640
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,755
Yeah. There. Take that, lock.
641
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:39,324
Oh, what the hell, man?
642
00:20:39,324 --> 00:20:41,108
And the door wasn't even locked.
643
00:20:41,108 --> 00:20:42,327
You're paying
for that door, Frank.
644
00:20:42,327 --> 00:20:43,807
All right, all right.
645
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:45,852
Well, this is great.
This is just great.
646
00:20:45,852 --> 00:20:46,766
You know, like, now
what are we supposed to all put
647
00:20:46,766 --> 00:20:49,029
- our teeth in?
- Our faces?
648
00:20:49,029 --> 00:20:50,683
- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about our legacy.
649
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,250
You know?
I can't hold onto it, man.
650
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:53,991
Legacy? You want to talk legacy?
You know what our legacy is?
651
00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:55,601
Spending our lives
in this goddamn bar
652
00:20:55,601 --> 00:20:57,734
with a lunatic man
who acts like a dog
653
00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,605
and handles
his gun like a maniac!
654
00:20:59,605 --> 00:21:01,607
Oh, fine.
655
00:21:01,607 --> 00:21:04,567
I see where this
pity party's headed.
656
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:06,438
If you're gonna be
crybabies about it,
657
00:21:06,438 --> 00:21:08,658
all right, take my gun.
658
00:21:11,051 --> 00:21:12,923
- Ow! Ow!
- Shit!
659
00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:14,403
[all groaning]
660
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:15,795
Shit.
661
00:21:15,795 --> 00:21:17,971
Well, there you have it, Frank.
662
00:21:17,971 --> 00:21:19,973
You've officially shot
everyone in the bar.
663
00:21:19,973 --> 00:21:21,497
[groans]
664
00:21:57,881 --> 00:22:08,587
[crowd chanting backwards]
49914
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