All language subtitles for Family Matters S03E24 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

[theme music]

Hey, waldo.
How do I look?

With your eyes.

Man, this is gonna be
Some concert.

Nine rap groups
In one night.

Yeah. I just hope they don't all
Sing at the same time.

No, waldo.
They'll probably take turns.

Oh. Cool.

There is just one problem.

Our seats are right next to
The speakers and it'll be hard

For the honeys to hear
Our clever pick-up lines.

I got that covered. I've
Got one clever pick-up line

And the girls
Are gonna hear it.

Hey, babe.
Looking good.

Are those real?

A bull horn.

Waldo, that is so stupid,
It's brilliant.

Thank you.

I need this.
Let's go.

Thanks.

[music continues]

* it's a rare condition
This day and age *

* to read any good news
On the newspaper page *

* love and tradition
Of the grand design *

* some people say
It's even harder to find *

* well then there must be
Some magic clue *

* inside these tearful walls *

* cause all I see
Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin'
Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house
With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother
The blues with tenderness *

* when days go by *

* there's room for you *

* room for me *

* for gentle hearts
An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love
Of the family *

I don't believe it.

Pierce is made captain. He's
Three years younger than me.

Well,
It's not fair, sir.

You're every bit
As good as pierce.

I know. I suck up to all
The same people. Don't I?

Hey, nobody kisses butt
Like you, sir.

Thank you, winslow.

Hey, pierce
Probably cheated.

By working hard
And being conscientious.

Yeah. That lowlife.
He donates blood.

He's a big brother.
He does volunteer work

At the old folks' home.

- uh.
- ha ha ha.

- some guys have no shame.
- yeah.

Bonjour.

Hello, steve.

What's with
The get up, nerd?

Oh. I was working
In my laboratory, flatfoot.

I was attempting
To fix urkelbot.

Urkel-butt?

Uh, no, sir.
That's urkelbot.

Some crazy mixed-up robot that
Steve built a few months ago.

It went haywire and fell in love
With my daughter.

Carl, I know why urkelbot
Malfunctioned.

Several microchips and his
Personality circuit went bad.

I was fixing it
When it hit me.

- a big idea?
- no, my robot. It hit me.

So, I fixed that, too.
And that's when it hit me.

- but I thought you fixed it.
- no, I got the big idea.

Urkelbot needs a job.
And that's when it hit me.

- another big idea?
- no. My robot.

I didn't fix him
After all.

Would you just please
Get to the point?

Well, alright,
Mr. Antsy-pants.

Alright. Here it goes.
Here is my big idea.

Urkelbot should
Become urkelcop.

Oh, what's the matter?
Don't you like my idea?

Steve, you can't
Be serious.

A machine could
Never make a good cop.

Uh, and just
Why in sam hill not?

Well, a million reasons.

For one, it-it
Can't eat donuts.

[mocking]

That's enough,
Winslow.

The lad might be
On to something here.

He might?

Yeah. If this robot
Of his worked out

It would make me look real good
And I'd get my promotion.

It would also help
Benefit society.

It could help
Millions of people.

Why, it could change
The course of human history.

Oh!

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Whatever.

[indistinct chattering]

Hi.

[indistinct chattering]

Hello.

[all]
Hi.

Guess what, I have a chance
To make some real money.

What about the money I pay you
For working at rachel's place?

No offence, but I said,
"Real money."

I want to become a distributer
For larnice cosmetics.

Ah. Larnice cosmetics.
Never heard of them.

Well, that's because
They are a new company.

And they are looking
For distributors.

And you know
I'm a good salesman.

I mean, I can sell suntan lotion
To michael jackson.

And all I need
To get started is 400 bucks.

You have to send
Them money?

Well, yeah. They send me
$400 worth their cosmetics

And I turn right around
And sell them for $800.

-everybody wins!
-wait a minute.

Do you have $400?

Not quite.

I know where
This is going.

Yeah, straight
To our bank accounts.

Look, I have 100. And if you
Guys put in a 100 each

We'd be equal partners,
I'd do all the work.

I don't know,
Laura.

Look, you know
Money has been kinda scarce

And coming up
With $100--

Oh, come on, you tightwads.

Laura is only asking
For 100 bucks, not a kidney.

She is showing real
Get-up-and-go.

She is being
An entrepreneur.

We should reward that kind
Of an initiative.

I'd say we write her
A check right now.

- you're right. Come on.
- come on. Take that.

Thanks, everybody.

Oh, ladies, I'm a little
Short this month.

Could one of you
Put in my share?

[humming]

Okay. We are all set.

- good.
- it's about time.

Now, in honor of the occasion
I've prepared a short speech.

In the year of our lord, 1977

The urkel child was born.

And on that day
That child was--

Would you just please
Show us the robot.

Well, okay.

But this is
No ordinary robot.

This is the one,
The only, the absolutely amazing

Urkel cop!

Okay, let's see.

An official
Police badge.

[buzzing]

Hasta la vista, baby.
He he he.

Wow! Neo.

Oh, please!
You can't be serious.

Sir.

Go ahead.
Test his knowledge.

Okay. What's the first thing an
Officer should do upon arriving

At the scene
Of a robbery in progress?

[clunking]

Call for back-up.

Is that right?

Yes, sir.

Heh. I'm impressed.

What? Okay, so he memorized
A few books. Big deal.

But, sir, you and I
Went to the police academy.

We are properly trained.

Well, so is urkelbot.

I guarantee you that
He's studied the best.

Check it out.

[dirty harry impression]
Go ahead, punk.
Make my day.

[kojack impression]
Who loves you, baby.

[joe friday impression]
Just the facts, ma'am.

Kid, this is
Quite an achievement.

Well, thank you, lieu.

Oh, feel free
To use word genius.

Now, as the ranking officer here

It falls upon my shoulders to
Think of a way to use this robot

To benefit me
And no one else.

Winslow, say hello
To your new partner.

What?

I'm assigning you
To the mini-mart robberies.

If you two can catch
The guy who's robbed

18 convenience stores,
I'll get promoted to captain.

If you mess up,
I've never heard of you.

It's perfect.

Come on, sergeant.

Let's hit the mean streets and
Kick some bad guy butt.

Well, now, sir, listen,
I realize that this-this

Bucket of bolts is smart
And it talks a good game.

But what is it going to do
When words fail

And it's time
To get rough.

[clunking]

Any other questions,
Carl?

On second thought, I'd be happy
To be his partner.

I know.

Well, that was a nice party.

Margaret sure got some beautiful
Gifts at her baby shower.

Yeah. But now I don't know what
I'm gonna get her

Next month
For her wedding shower.

I miss the old days when we took
Our showers in the proper order.

Oh, look.
Larnice sent us our cosmetics.

Oh. Come on.
Open 'em up.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Mmm, this shampoo
Smells great.

Oh, look, there is
A hair conditioner, too.

Let's go try this stuff
Out right now.

Yeah. I can't wait to see
How my hair comes out.

[screaming]

[all screaming]

Hey, what's
All the noise down here?

What's all the racket?

Hi, how are you?

- harriette?
- carl, look at me!

Do I have to?

I'm sorry, honey,
But...But you're bald.

And so is my daughter.

[screaming]

And so is my mother.

What happened to you guys?

Larnice cosmetics
Is what happened to us.

We all used
That stupid shampoo.

Oh, I don't get it.
I mean I used that shampoo.

And my hair is fine.
See.

[screaming]

I'm gonna call
This larnice company

And yell at them
What happened.

Well, laura, where did you
Hear about this company?

Well, they had a full page ad
In a reputable magazine.

-which magazine?
-funky rap!

Listen to this.
Try larnice shampoo.

You'll love
How your hair comes out.

Well, you can't get her
For false advertising.

[mocking]

We're sorry, mom. Uh, we realize
That you're upset.

But, hey, look
On the bright side.

You all could be backup singers
For sinead o'connor.

[mocking]

I don't understand. Their number
Is no longer in service.

Well, I hate to tell you this,
Sweetheart, but I believe

You've been swindled.

What do you mean?

Larnice cosmetics is obviously
A fly-by-night operation.

They probably sold
Hundreds of distributorships

Took the money and ran.

You guys, I'm really sorry
About this.

It-it just seemed like
Such a great deal.

Sweetheart, if something seems
Too good to be true

It probably is.

Look, look. I've got to hurry up
And get dressed

And get down
To the wig barn.

Well, hey,
I'll drive you all.

Let's just calm down
And have some breakfast.

That's a good idea.

You know,
I don't know why

But suddenly
I'm in a mood for melon.

[mocking]

Excuse me.

Sir.

[indian accent]
Oh, may I help you
Very much?

Uh, yeah.
I'd like to pay for this soda.

Ooh, paying
Is very very good.

Bless you very much.

And as they say at the border in
My country, please, come back.

Hey, that's
A great accent, big guy.

Ooh, thank you very..

[normal voice]
Thank you very much, steve.

But I still say this is
A complete waste of time.

I mean,
The odds of this place

Being robbed tonight
Are one in a million.

Correction.
The odds are one in three.

Where does he
Get this stuff?

Triangulation.
Urkelbot marked on a map

The locations
Of the previous robberies.

I detected a pattern

And deduced the most logical
Spot to be hit next.

And here we are
At pete's shop 'n save.

Rightarooney.

Well, now that you've got
Your metal man set up

Why don't you head home, steve?

[door opening]

So, let me
Get this straight.

You have three flavors of
Antacid, mr. Night manager.

A person I have never met before
In my entire life.

Yes. Yes. Yes.
Cherry, lemon and goofy grape.

Now go home,
Small man.

Ishmadaddle.

Nobody moves,
Nobody gets hurt.

Oh.

You! Empty the cash register!
You! Get me a cherry slurpy!

- what size?
- surprise me.

- put the cash in a bag.
- uh, paper or plastic?

- just do it.
- uh, as you wish.

- freeze, dog breath!
- what?

You're under arrest. You have
The right to remain silent.

You have the right
To have an attorney present.

Shut up!
What are you?

I'm your
Worst nightmare.

Oh, yeah?

[gunshots]

I believe
These belong to you.

[grunting]

[terminator impression]
Hasta la vista, baby!

You are busted,
Pal.

Thank you
Very much.

Whatever. Just keep that
Hunk of junk away from me.

So, you are not so bad
Without your gun

Mr. Gimme-a-slurpy.

Yeah, then I slapped the cuffs
On and took him right downtown.

Alright, carl.
That's great.

And I participated, laura.
Feel like kissing a hero?

- I sure do.
- oh.

Listen, steve, when our hair
Grows back, do you think

Urkelbot can analyze
A sample and track down

Those jokers
Who did this to us.

And snatch them bald.

Well, he could,
But he can't, so he won't.

What?

Well, urklebot has decided
To give-up police work.

He finds it too dangerous.

So, he has decided
To become a dancer.

-a dancing robot?
-oh, yes. Yes.

It was such a peachy idea, I
Decided to build him a partner.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying that you built
A mechanical women?

That's right.
Oh, and laura

I averted my eyes during
The final welding, sweetheart.

Glad to hear it, steve.

I named my new robot
After you, laura.

I call it laurabot.

Gee, steve,
If I cared, I'd be honored.

Oh.

Steve, are these robot dancers
Of yours any good?

Well, you tell me.

Well, come on.

Ready to dance,
Urkelbot?

Let's get down
With our bad selves.

[music playing]

[theme music]