All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S02E21 - Det. Dave Majors.eng.SDH

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,230 --> 00:00:13,148 Oh, my God. 2 00:00:13,232 --> 00:00:15,442 Rosa's wearing pink. Rosa's wearing pink! 3 00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:16,943 Are we sure it's not a white shirt 4 00:00:17,027 --> 00:00:19,112 that's just been bloodied in a motorcycle crash? 5 00:00:19,196 --> 00:00:21,740 Or maybe it wasn't her. Does she have a twin sister? 6 00:00:21,824 --> 00:00:24,658 If Rosa had a twin, she would have eaten her in the womb. 7 00:00:24,742 --> 00:00:27,745 Wait. Hold it. Stop. How come none of you teased her about it? 8 00:00:27,829 --> 00:00:29,288 It's Rosa. She's scary. 9 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,373 You guys are unbelievable. 10 00:00:31,457 --> 00:00:33,417 I once wore a tie with a splash of purple. 11 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,294 You guys called me Mr. Grapes for two years. 12 00:00:35,378 --> 00:00:37,421 -[ALL LAUGHING] -GINA: Oh, Mr. Grapes! 13 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,423 I forgot about Mr. Grapes. 14 00:00:39,756 --> 00:00:41,924 If I wore a pink shirt, you'd tear me to shreds. 15 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:44,344 Well, yeah, but you'd look like a My Little Pony with a gun. 16 00:00:44,428 --> 00:00:45,678 [ALL LAUGHING] 17 00:00:45,762 --> 00:00:47,680 Let me guess. Your theater club is putting on Grease 18 00:00:47,764 --> 00:00:49,057 and you're playing a pink lady. 19 00:00:49,141 --> 00:00:50,558 -[CONTINUES LAUGHING] -PERALTA: Nice. That's good. 20 00:00:50,642 --> 00:00:51,684 What are you guys laughing at? 21 00:00:51,768 --> 00:00:53,269 If Boyle was wearing a pink shirt. 22 00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:54,686 I get it. That's hilarious. 23 00:00:54,770 --> 00:00:57,481 What's happening? Rosa's the one wearing pink! 24 00:00:58,357 --> 00:00:59,400 And? 25 00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:02,527 It's gorgeous. Wish I could pull that off. 26 00:01:02,611 --> 00:01:04,112 Dream on, strawberry shortcake. 27 00:01:04,196 --> 00:01:05,864 Yeah, nice try, Mr. Grapes. 28 00:01:05,948 --> 00:01:07,032 [ALL LAUGHING] 29 00:01:07,116 --> 00:01:10,743 ALL [MOCKING]: Mr. Grapes! 30 00:01:10,827 --> 00:01:12,829 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 31 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:33,014 Last night, several masked men robbed 32 00:01:33,098 --> 00:01:35,100 a number of check cashing locations in our precinct. 33 00:01:35,184 --> 00:01:36,351 They also hit several locations 34 00:01:36,435 --> 00:01:37,477 in the Nine-Three, 35 00:01:37,561 --> 00:01:39,437 so this will be a joint investigation. 36 00:01:39,521 --> 00:01:42,356 Detective David Majors is already on the case. 37 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,692 Whoa. Dave Majors? Seriously? 38 00:01:44,776 --> 00:01:45,901 GINA: Who's that? 39 00:01:45,985 --> 00:01:48,696 He's the best detective in the NYPD, myself included. 40 00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:51,031 His arrest numbers are staggering. 41 00:01:51,115 --> 00:01:53,534 His conviction rate is magnificent. 42 00:01:53,618 --> 00:01:55,327 He is blotter dynamite. 43 00:01:56,495 --> 00:01:58,538 I mean, I'm cool. I'm just hanging out with you guys. 44 00:01:58,622 --> 00:02:00,373 Okay, but what's his body like, 45 00:02:00,457 --> 00:02:02,375 on a scale from Charles to Terry? 46 00:02:02,751 --> 00:02:04,043 Sorry, buddy. 47 00:02:04,127 --> 00:02:06,087 What? I'm the 10. 48 00:02:06,505 --> 00:02:07,547 Sure you are. 49 00:02:07,631 --> 00:02:09,382 Majors does just fine. 50 00:02:09,466 --> 00:02:11,758 His girlfriend is the weather lady from Channel 5. 51 00:02:11,842 --> 00:02:13,719 You know, the one who's always reaching for Cooperstown? 52 00:02:13,803 --> 00:02:15,387 [WHISTLING] Love her. 53 00:02:15,471 --> 00:02:16,805 Well, I need someone to partner up with him. 54 00:02:16,889 --> 00:02:17,931 Oh, I'll do it! Ooh! Me, me, me, me, me! 55 00:02:18,015 --> 00:02:19,933 Sir, with all due respect, I'm the obvious choice. 56 00:02:20,017 --> 00:02:22,645 I mean, look at me. Not in profile. 57 00:02:22,895 --> 00:02:24,229 Sir, please let the record show 58 00:02:24,313 --> 00:02:26,230 that the sauce on his face is from yesterday. 59 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,065 And it is that level of eagle-eyed observation 60 00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:29,483 -that I plan to bring to… -HOLT: Enough. 61 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:30,917 You can both work the case. 62 00:02:31,027 --> 00:02:32,528 Three heads are better than two. 63 00:02:32,612 --> 00:02:35,448 Also, I fear any other decision I make will just result in further noise. 64 00:02:35,532 --> 00:02:36,574 Good call, sir. 65 00:02:36,658 --> 00:02:37,742 I was just about to start chanting 66 00:02:37,826 --> 00:02:38,909 "Vote for Jake." 67 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,911 Let's do it anyway. Vote for Jake! 68 00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:42,245 Vote for Jake! Dismissed. 69 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,747 Yeah. [SIGHS] 70 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:46,916 Code Chartreuse. I repeat, Code Chartreuse. 71 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,753 Gina, for the last time, please limit your alerts to ROY-G-BIV. 72 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,755 Disappointing. Code Chartreuse means 73 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,465 the recruiter from Copperhead Security, 74 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:54,758 Gary Shaw, is here. 75 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,842 Gary Shaw has attempted to pry me away 76 00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,927 from the NYPD for eight years. 77 00:02:59,011 --> 00:03:01,556 When he makes his offer, I know just what I'll say. 78 00:03:02,306 --> 00:03:04,851 Never is not just a crater on Mars. 79 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:06,435 Of course, it is a crater on Mars. 80 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,561 That's hilarious. 81 00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:10,795 It's not meant to be funny, Boyle. It's meant to be devastating. 82 00:03:11,148 --> 00:03:12,691 Captain Holt, good to see you. 83 00:03:12,941 --> 00:03:15,694 Mr. Shaw, let's just cut to the chase. 84 00:03:16,194 --> 00:03:18,530 Never is not just a crater on Mars. 85 00:03:22,784 --> 00:03:24,327 Of course, it is a crater on Mars. 86 00:03:24,411 --> 00:03:25,787 Well actually, I'm not here for you. 87 00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:28,288 A member of your squad reached out to me. 88 00:03:28,372 --> 00:03:29,790 A Sergeant Terry Jeffords. 89 00:03:30,666 --> 00:03:33,126 Oh. Oh, I see. 90 00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:36,005 Well, uh, Sergeant Jeffords is out there. 91 00:03:36,297 --> 00:03:37,547 GARY: Thank you, Captain. 92 00:03:37,965 --> 00:03:40,259 There's my guy! Terry the tank! 93 00:03:40,509 --> 00:03:43,386 What? Guys? What? Guys. 94 00:03:43,636 --> 00:03:45,930 BOYLE: Terry called him? He's shaking Terry's hand. 95 00:03:46,014 --> 00:03:47,723 Now, I'm just describing everything that's happening. 96 00:03:47,807 --> 00:03:49,016 What the hell is going on? 97 00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,184 I do not know. 98 00:03:50,268 --> 00:03:52,020 And now Captain Holt doesn't know! 99 00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:02,029 Well, well, well. What do we have here? 100 00:04:02,863 --> 00:04:04,113 Oh, Majors isn't here yet? 101 00:04:04,197 --> 00:04:06,533 I wasted all that coolness on a bunch of nobodies. 102 00:04:06,617 --> 00:04:10,037 I'm just gonna reset. [MIMICS ROBOTIC SOUND] 103 00:04:10,871 --> 00:04:12,789 Jake, he's a highly decorated detective. 104 00:04:12,873 --> 00:04:15,415 He's not gonna be impressed by your sunglass choreography. 105 00:04:15,499 --> 00:04:17,709 He's gonna be too distracted by my notebook flip. 106 00:04:17,793 --> 00:04:18,836 MAN: Hey, Detective. 107 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,963 Shut up. Shut up. He's here. [CLEARS THROAT] 108 00:04:21,047 --> 00:04:23,423 Hey, you must be the Nine-Nine. I'm Majors. 109 00:04:23,507 --> 00:04:25,801 Hey. Peralta. This is Santiago. 110 00:04:26,427 --> 00:04:29,220 Well, well, well. What do we have here? 111 00:04:29,304 --> 00:04:30,847 You mean here in my notebook? 112 00:04:31,556 --> 00:04:33,307 I looked into the baby masks the perps were wearing, 113 00:04:33,391 --> 00:04:35,393 and no stores in the tri-state area sell them. 114 00:04:35,477 --> 00:04:37,353 Reminds me of a murder I worked a few years back. 115 00:04:37,437 --> 00:04:38,771 Perp always wore these weird masks 116 00:04:38,855 --> 00:04:40,439 and we couldn't figure out where he bought them. 117 00:04:40,523 --> 00:04:43,485 Turns out he was making his own masks from human skin. 118 00:04:44,026 --> 00:04:46,904 No! That is so awesome. 119 00:04:47,404 --> 00:04:48,906 Really, Amy? For whom? 120 00:04:49,073 --> 00:04:53,077 Sounds to me like those face masks were once somebody's face faces. 121 00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:55,910 That's true, Peralta. I think about that every day. 122 00:04:56,246 --> 00:04:58,415 You and me both. Ahh. 123 00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:01,834 Okay, I'm gonna look around, take a few statements. 124 00:05:01,918 --> 00:05:03,961 GC. GC. Good call. Good call. Yeah. 125 00:05:04,045 --> 00:05:05,629 Tight, tight, tight, tight, tight. 126 00:05:05,713 --> 00:05:08,424 Well, looks like round one goes to Peralta. 127 00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:09,925 And don't worry, I'm just getting warmed up. 128 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:14,222 I still have eight sunglass moves locked and loaded. Make that nine. 129 00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:16,431 Oui. 130 00:05:19,059 --> 00:05:20,268 [IMITATES BIRD SQUAWK] 131 00:05:20,686 --> 00:05:21,769 [IMITATES OWL HOOT] 132 00:05:21,853 --> 00:05:23,062 [CLEARS THROAT] 133 00:05:23,146 --> 00:05:25,399 So, how was lunch? 134 00:05:25,983 --> 00:05:28,151 It was good. I had the T-bone with… 135 00:05:28,235 --> 00:05:29,651 I don't give a crap about the food. 136 00:05:29,735 --> 00:05:31,362 Just email me about that later. 137 00:05:31,570 --> 00:05:32,696 What happened with Gary? 138 00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:36,283 He gave me the hard sell. Look at all this swag I got. 139 00:05:36,993 --> 00:05:39,245 Puffy vest, carabiner. 140 00:05:39,453 --> 00:05:40,996 Terry, carabiners suck. 141 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,041 You want free stuff? Here you go, all right? 142 00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:46,334 You can have anything you want from Amy's desk. Yeah. 143 00:05:46,418 --> 00:05:47,518 Gary made me an offer. 144 00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:52,924 Better hours, great benefits, a serious pay raise, 145 00:05:53,008 --> 00:05:54,801 my own office. With walls! 146 00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:56,928 Did you tell him Terry doesn't love walls? 147 00:05:57,012 --> 00:05:58,596 No. Terry loves walls. 148 00:05:59,222 --> 00:06:01,473 I'm seriously considering saying yes. 149 00:06:01,557 --> 00:06:03,266 Look, I have another kid on the way. 150 00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:04,768 Do you know how much diapers cost? 151 00:06:04,852 --> 00:06:05,894 Yes. 152 00:06:10,024 --> 00:06:13,235 The point is, I'm trying to do what's best for my family. 153 00:06:13,777 --> 00:06:14,903 It's not just about me. 154 00:06:14,987 --> 00:06:20,033 Exactly. It's about me. And how you're abandoning me to these squares. 155 00:06:21,909 --> 00:06:24,161 Yikes. Look at all these baby masks. 156 00:06:24,245 --> 00:06:26,872 Looks like someone's due for a spanking from Papa Law. 157 00:06:26,956 --> 00:06:27,998 Nice. 158 00:06:28,082 --> 00:06:32,544 So, the van was stolen from a rental lot three weeks ago and dumped here yesterday. 159 00:06:32,961 --> 00:06:35,047 Talk about a curb-side drop-off. 160 00:06:36,631 --> 00:06:37,715 We're working a case here, Amy. 161 00:06:37,799 --> 00:06:39,399 It's not Showtime at the Apollo. 162 00:06:39,968 --> 00:06:41,818 Great point. Thank you so much, Jake. 163 00:06:42,304 --> 00:06:45,057 Well, I'm gonna go sign the van over to forensics. 164 00:06:47,308 --> 00:06:50,394 Hey, listen, I'm a member of this invite-only speakeasy called The Keychain. 165 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:51,812 Do you want to go get a drink there later? 166 00:06:51,896 --> 00:06:54,106 I'd ask Amy also, but I can only bring one guest. 167 00:06:54,190 --> 00:06:56,441 Nah, it's cool. I'm sure she's busy tonight anyway. 168 00:06:56,525 --> 00:06:57,901 Taxes are due in eight months. 169 00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,611 Actually, they were due two weeks ago. 170 00:06:59,695 --> 00:07:03,114 Well, that is a horrible surprise. But the point is… 171 00:07:03,198 --> 00:07:04,908 [SNAPS] Drink sounds good. 172 00:07:06,076 --> 00:07:07,243 [PERALTA SIGHS] 173 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:08,703 [MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING] 174 00:07:14,876 --> 00:07:15,919 Password? 175 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:17,419 Tropical. 176 00:07:21,298 --> 00:07:24,510 Oh, my gah. 177 00:07:25,969 --> 00:07:28,513 This place is amazing. 178 00:07:28,597 --> 00:07:30,515 Yeah, I come here after every case I solve. 179 00:07:30,599 --> 00:07:31,766 Which means I'm here a lot. 180 00:07:31,850 --> 00:07:34,268 Oh, nice. Every time I solve one, I go get a steak dinner. 181 00:07:34,352 --> 00:07:36,311 My cholesterol is uh-terrible. 182 00:07:36,395 --> 00:07:38,439 [CHUCKLING] Milo, this is my friend, Jake. 183 00:07:38,523 --> 00:07:39,773 We're working a case together. 184 00:07:39,857 --> 00:07:41,400 Yeah, and this is my friend, Dave. 185 00:07:41,484 --> 00:07:43,027 We're friends. I'll have a, uh… 186 00:07:43,111 --> 00:07:44,561 Oh, no. You don't order here. 187 00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:47,864 Milo makes you a drink he knows you'll love, and then you love it. 188 00:07:47,948 --> 00:07:49,282 Really? Interesting. 189 00:07:49,366 --> 00:07:50,867 Barrel proof bourbon, neat. 190 00:07:51,701 --> 00:07:52,785 Orange soda chaser. 191 00:07:52,869 --> 00:07:54,537 Oh, well, to the first of many hangs. 192 00:07:54,621 --> 00:07:56,706 Yeah, totally. Listen. 193 00:07:57,290 --> 00:07:59,542 The reason I brought you here is I wanted to ask you… 194 00:07:59,626 --> 00:08:00,877 What's the deal with Santiago? 195 00:08:00,961 --> 00:08:03,295 Amy? Oh, no, did she do something weird? 196 00:08:03,379 --> 00:08:04,546 No. No, she's great. 197 00:08:04,630 --> 00:08:07,132 I just wanted to know if there's something going on with you two, you know. 198 00:08:07,216 --> 00:08:09,677 Are you together… Oh. No. 199 00:08:10,136 --> 00:08:12,846 Cool. When this case is over, I'm gonna ask her out. 200 00:08:12,930 --> 00:08:14,056 Oh. 201 00:08:14,265 --> 00:08:17,017 You're gonna ask out Amy when the case ends. 202 00:08:17,101 --> 00:08:18,268 Perfect. 203 00:08:19,727 --> 00:08:20,936 Oh. [GASPS] 204 00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:22,480 Yeah, that's a sipping whiskey. 205 00:08:22,564 --> 00:08:25,108 [GASPING] So it is. 206 00:08:36,118 --> 00:08:37,160 Seems about right. 207 00:08:37,244 --> 00:08:38,286 What's wrong with you? 208 00:08:38,370 --> 00:08:42,248 You and Majors have too much fun last night at The Keychain? 209 00:08:42,332 --> 00:08:44,793 Okay. It's a private bar, not a haunted motel. 210 00:08:44,877 --> 00:08:46,753 And no, I did not have a good time. 211 00:08:47,129 --> 00:08:48,879 Turns out he didn't want to be best bros at all. 212 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,130 He just wanted to know if I was cool him with 213 00:08:50,214 --> 00:08:51,715 asking Amy out when the case ended. 214 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:52,883 I thought he was dating that weather girl. 215 00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:55,135 No, he dumped her 'cause she blamed Hurricane Sandy on gay marriage. 216 00:08:55,219 --> 00:08:56,804 Mmm. Anyways, now when the case ends, 217 00:08:56,888 --> 00:08:59,556 Amy's gonna marry Detective Blotter Dynamite. 218 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,642 Why do you even care? Do you still like her? 219 00:09:01,726 --> 00:09:03,769 I don't know. I mean, we're friends. 220 00:09:04,352 --> 00:09:05,978 Things have been kind of flirty lately. 221 00:09:06,062 --> 00:09:08,648 Plus, we had this weird romantic moment thingy 222 00:09:08,732 --> 00:09:10,108 at Charles and Gina's parents' wedding. 223 00:09:10,192 --> 00:09:11,484 Ugh, just say you still like her. 224 00:09:11,568 --> 00:09:13,653 [SOFTLY] All right, fine. I still like her. 225 00:09:13,737 --> 00:09:14,821 I've been thinking about asking her out 226 00:09:14,905 --> 00:09:16,739 for the last couple of weeks, but it's hard. 227 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,157 There's so much buildup now, you know? 228 00:09:18,241 --> 00:09:20,659 Not really. I don't ask people out, I just tell them where we're going. 229 00:09:20,743 --> 00:09:22,327 Great. Well, it doesn't matter now anyway, 230 00:09:22,411 --> 00:09:23,578 'cause I told Dave to go for it. 231 00:09:23,662 --> 00:09:24,762 That was crazy stupid. 232 00:09:25,414 --> 00:09:26,915 Sorry. That was normal stupid. 233 00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:28,041 You should have told him to back off. 234 00:09:28,125 --> 00:09:29,918 I can't go around telling guys not to ask Amy out 235 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:32,003 because I like her and I'm too dumb to do anything about it. 236 00:09:32,087 --> 00:09:34,630 I can't make a woman's choice for her. I stand with Wendy. 237 00:09:34,714 --> 00:09:35,840 Did I do that right? No. 238 00:09:35,924 --> 00:09:38,342 Oh. Look. If you want to give her a real choice, 239 00:09:38,426 --> 00:09:41,095 you've got to let her know that you are an option. 240 00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:44,380 I think you know what you've got to do. Yeah. 241 00:09:45,058 --> 00:09:46,433 Ask her out before the case ends, right? 242 00:09:46,517 --> 00:09:50,467 I just wanna be extra clear. The stakes are through the roof for me on this one. 243 00:09:53,273 --> 00:09:54,323 You wanted to see us? 244 00:09:54,524 --> 00:09:55,859 What are these requisition forms? 245 00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:59,195 We are throwing Terry a "please stay" party. 246 00:09:59,279 --> 00:10:02,824 My vision is a frozen yogurt machine operated by Pam Grier. 247 00:10:02,908 --> 00:10:06,285 Sir, we think Sarge is going to accept Copperhead's offer. 248 00:10:06,619 --> 00:10:08,203 I never thought I'd say these words. 249 00:10:08,287 --> 00:10:10,289 You have to put Gina in touch with Pam Grier. 250 00:10:10,373 --> 00:10:12,457 No. Sergeant Jeffords can make up his mind without 251 00:10:12,541 --> 00:10:15,002 the influence of Foxy Brown or cold yogurt. 252 00:10:15,086 --> 00:10:16,128 He is a grown man. 253 00:10:16,212 --> 00:10:18,214 Oh, I see what's going on here. 254 00:10:18,381 --> 00:10:21,675 You're upset that Terry would even consider leaving the Nine-Nine. 255 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,678 I'd expect this pettiness from a spineless amoeba like Charles, 256 00:10:25,762 --> 00:10:26,805 but not you, sir. 257 00:10:27,013 --> 00:10:28,723 I'm not spineless. Come on, Charles. 258 00:10:28,807 --> 00:10:29,891 Yep. 259 00:10:31,268 --> 00:10:33,227 Ah, look who's finally here. 260 00:10:33,311 --> 00:10:34,729 We already solved the case without you. 261 00:10:34,813 --> 00:10:35,937 What? You did? 262 00:10:36,021 --> 00:10:39,149 Kidding. Oliver was actually giving us some pretty bad news. 263 00:10:39,233 --> 00:10:40,275 Carry on, Oliver. 264 00:10:40,359 --> 00:10:42,903 So, we swabbed the whole van and we didn't find anything. 265 00:10:42,987 --> 00:10:45,238 No hairs, no fibers, no semen. 266 00:10:45,322 --> 00:10:46,573 And a rental van is usually 267 00:10:46,657 --> 00:10:48,658 a fricking Jackson Pollock. All right. 268 00:10:48,742 --> 00:10:51,702 They also wiped down the masks with some sort of bleach solution. 269 00:10:51,786 --> 00:10:54,386 They were really covering their tracks. Check it out. 270 00:10:55,039 --> 00:10:56,498 Well, that wasn't very helpful. 271 00:10:56,582 --> 00:10:59,293 Although, I did learn I should never rent a van again. Hmm. 272 00:10:59,377 --> 00:11:01,420 Hey, can I talk to you for a second? Privately? 273 00:11:01,504 --> 00:11:04,465 Uh, sure. Oh, wait. This isn't gonna be that thing where you pretend 274 00:11:04,549 --> 00:11:07,675 you got an important text from Holt and it's just that video of screaming sheep? 275 00:11:07,759 --> 00:11:10,359 I promise you it's not, but I do stand by that prank. 276 00:11:11,263 --> 00:11:12,305 [CLEARS THROAT] 277 00:11:12,389 --> 00:11:13,724 So, what's up? 278 00:11:14,349 --> 00:11:15,684 Okay, um… 279 00:11:16,226 --> 00:11:20,605 Uh, I almost feel weird saying this, but I wanted to ask you… 280 00:11:20,689 --> 00:11:22,439 Wow, those pictures are not helping. 281 00:11:22,523 --> 00:11:26,944 Oh, my God. They're really gonna have to re-grout. Ugh, finding a contractor. 282 00:11:27,028 --> 00:11:30,489 You are so consistent. Anyways, the question I wanted to ask you is… 283 00:11:30,573 --> 00:11:32,407 So, I got the results on that feces. 284 00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:35,036 It's human, but it's not all human. 285 00:11:35,369 --> 00:11:36,495 You're not Dr. Gassner. 286 00:11:36,579 --> 00:11:38,287 We are not. Can you give us a sec? 287 00:11:38,371 --> 00:11:39,956 Sure. Real quick, what was the other… 288 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,875 It's dog and bear. Wow. 289 00:11:42,709 --> 00:11:44,877 I thought you'd really be into that feces puzzle. 290 00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:48,214 Normally, yes, but I want to talk to you about something else right now. 291 00:11:48,298 --> 00:11:50,341 More specifically… Guys, dispatch just called. 292 00:11:50,425 --> 00:11:53,385 Great, Dave's here now. The check cashing babies just struck on Flatbush. 293 00:11:53,469 --> 00:11:55,346 -We gotta go. -SANTIAGO: Lead the way. 294 00:11:56,388 --> 00:11:58,432 What did you wanna tell me? Oh, um. 295 00:11:58,807 --> 00:12:01,142 Captain Holt sent a very important text. 296 00:12:01,226 --> 00:12:02,269 Oh. 297 00:12:02,811 --> 00:12:04,229 [SHEEP BLEATING] 298 00:12:08,274 --> 00:12:09,400 [CHUCKLES] 299 00:12:10,318 --> 00:12:12,362 [SNIFFING] What's that smell? 300 00:12:13,154 --> 00:12:15,572 That's lavender. Terry loves lavender. 301 00:12:15,656 --> 00:12:20,703 A little homemade honey yogurt infused with lavender and love. 302 00:12:20,787 --> 00:12:23,789 Mmm! That is delicious. 303 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:28,334 Hold it. This isn't some weird breast milk or something is it, Boyle? 304 00:12:28,418 --> 00:12:30,628 I mean, technically, it's from a sheep's breast. 305 00:12:30,712 --> 00:12:32,797 Hey, Terry, got any new baby pics? 306 00:12:32,881 --> 00:12:34,841 You hate looking at pictures of my twins. 307 00:12:34,925 --> 00:12:37,677 You said since they were identical, I didn't need to take photos of both. 308 00:12:37,761 --> 00:12:41,013 That doesn't sound like Auntie Gina. I love your baby pics. 309 00:12:41,097 --> 00:12:44,475 [GASPS] And your stories about the twins' sleep schedules. 310 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,894 Okay. I know what you two are doing. 311 00:12:47,269 --> 00:12:51,107 This is your weird way of trying to make me stay at the Nine-Nine. 312 00:12:51,315 --> 00:12:53,651 Well, I am loving it. 313 00:12:53,776 --> 00:12:54,859 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 314 00:12:54,943 --> 00:12:57,361 You know, the funny thing is, Cagney naps better, 315 00:12:57,445 --> 00:12:59,739 but at night, that's Lacey's time to shine. 316 00:12:59,823 --> 00:13:01,240 One time, she went eight to eight. 317 00:13:01,324 --> 00:13:02,408 Wow! Dang! 318 00:13:02,492 --> 00:13:03,534 I know! 319 00:13:03,618 --> 00:13:07,204 Jeffords, I need you to digitize all your case files from 1995 to 1999 320 00:13:07,288 --> 00:13:09,124 inclusive by tomorrow at 9 a.m. 321 00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:10,749 But it's already 1:00. 322 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,793 I told Sharon we'd have dinner tonight. 323 00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,544 I was gonna have a cup of coffee 324 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:17,672 so that I could stay up and, um, kiss. 325 00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,549 I suggest putting that caffeine 326 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,802 towards something more productive than… 327 00:13:22,678 --> 00:13:23,720 "Kissing." 328 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,971 Sir, what are you doing? 329 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,683 Making sure Jeffords' case files are digitized by tomorrow at 9 a.m. 330 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,477 I thought I was perfectly clear. 331 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:35,606 I gotta call my wife. Tell her date night is off. 332 00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:39,277 I sent her all those kiss-face emojis for no damned reason. 333 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:44,781 Oh, no. Despite what I've been saying for years, that ass just might quit. 334 00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:48,576 I don't get it. There's no rhyme or reason to the locations they hit. 335 00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,161 MAJORS: This place was so well-guarded. 336 00:13:50,245 --> 00:13:53,206 I mean, why not hit the one down the street that just has an old man out front? 337 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,541 It just seems so random. 338 00:13:55,666 --> 00:13:58,711 Yeah. It's like… Oh, that feels great. 339 00:13:59,086 --> 00:14:02,086 I don't think it's random. These guys are too good, you know? 340 00:14:02,548 --> 00:14:04,925 We'll crack it. I'm gonna go grab some coffee. 341 00:14:05,009 --> 00:14:06,051 Great. 342 00:14:06,510 --> 00:14:07,720 [GROANING] 343 00:14:08,762 --> 00:14:10,263 Hey, uh, now that it's just us, 344 00:14:10,347 --> 00:14:15,226 there's a thing I wanted to say a-da-sa you. 345 00:14:15,852 --> 00:14:17,561 Why doesn't your mouth work? "Why doesn't your mouth work." 346 00:14:17,645 --> 00:14:18,687 Title of our sex tape. What? 347 00:14:18,771 --> 00:14:21,816 Your sex tape. What? No. Look. [CLEARS THROAT] 348 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,860 Here's what I wanted to say. 349 00:14:24,819 --> 00:14:26,445 Oh, no, I just figured it out. 350 00:14:26,653 --> 00:14:28,571 Huh? Here. Look. 351 00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:30,740 The trash cans, the van, the jumpsuit… 352 00:14:30,824 --> 00:14:33,243 They all say Johnny's Janitorial. Not random. 353 00:14:33,327 --> 00:14:35,286 They cased each location as cleaners. 354 00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:37,163 That's why the van was so spotless. 355 00:14:37,247 --> 00:14:38,331 Hey. What'd I miss? 356 00:14:38,415 --> 00:14:39,666 Jake just solved the case! 357 00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,626 Holy crap. That's awesome! 358 00:14:42,877 --> 00:14:43,919 All right! 359 00:14:44,003 --> 00:14:45,546 I mean… But, you know, 360 00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:47,089 it's not totally done yet. 361 00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:48,715 You know, still a long way to go. 362 00:14:48,799 --> 00:14:52,219 Tons of paperwork. And a case is never truly done until the trial is complete 363 00:14:52,303 --> 00:14:55,973 and the sentence is served completely to its fruition in prison. 364 00:14:56,057 --> 00:14:57,599 Jake, just celebrate. 365 00:14:58,058 --> 00:14:59,100 Okay. 366 00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:01,478 [HIGH-PITCHED] Wow! 367 00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:06,357 Why the long face? 368 00:15:06,441 --> 00:15:08,317 That Mexican candy giving you nerve damage again? 369 00:15:08,401 --> 00:15:10,195 Probably, but who even cares? 370 00:15:10,529 --> 00:15:11,862 Why did I have to solve the case? 371 00:15:11,946 --> 00:15:14,364 Why couldn't I have just let those guys continue to terrorize Brooklyn 372 00:15:14,448 --> 00:15:16,158 until I built up the nerve to ask out a girl? 373 00:15:16,242 --> 00:15:18,326 You're a good cop. Do not beat yourself up about that. 374 00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:21,621 I'm not a good cop, I'm an amazing cop, and I'll never forgive myself. 375 00:15:21,705 --> 00:15:24,666 The case is over, Amy and Majors are on their way to The Keychain right now. 376 00:15:24,750 --> 00:15:26,626 It's too late. Has she done the double tuck yet? 377 00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:28,252 Hmm? When Amy really likes a guy, 378 00:15:28,336 --> 00:15:31,786 she gets nervous and tucks her hair behind both ears at the same time. 379 00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:33,550 [GIGGLING] 380 00:15:34,259 --> 00:15:35,926 Well, I can never un-see that. 381 00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:37,636 But no, she has not done that yet. 382 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,620 Then there's still time. Get in there and bust up her date. 383 00:15:41,057 --> 00:15:43,183 Show her you care. Ruin her night. 384 00:15:43,350 --> 00:15:45,250 You really have a unique take on love. 385 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:49,773 [SIGHS] 386 00:15:50,315 --> 00:15:53,234 Ugh, I've only gotten through September of '95. 387 00:15:53,318 --> 00:15:54,611 What are you guys doing here? 388 00:15:54,695 --> 00:15:56,196 Blowing your stupid mind. 389 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:57,821 We did the rest of the files for you. 390 00:15:57,905 --> 00:16:01,200 Seriously? [LAUGHS] I'm gonna text my wife. 391 00:16:01,784 --> 00:16:04,286 Now there's time for dinner and a movie. 392 00:16:04,370 --> 00:16:06,247 And none of that on-demand crap. 393 00:16:06,455 --> 00:16:09,708 Tonight, I'm gonna fall asleep in a real movie theater. 394 00:16:09,792 --> 00:16:12,377 Yeah, that's how we do it in the Nine-Nine. 395 00:16:12,461 --> 00:16:14,795 We've got each other's backs. Damn right. 396 00:16:14,879 --> 00:16:16,964 Charles, make your own point. 397 00:16:17,048 --> 00:16:18,549 Don't just pile onto mine. 398 00:16:18,633 --> 00:16:19,800 HOLT: Gina, where have you been? 399 00:16:19,884 --> 00:16:22,220 You left your cell phone on your desk, and I assumed you were dead. 400 00:16:22,304 --> 00:16:24,555 Mmm, I would clearly be buried with my phone. 401 00:16:24,639 --> 00:16:28,684 Sir, these guys already digitized all my files for me. 402 00:16:28,892 --> 00:16:29,976 Isn't that amazing? 403 00:16:30,060 --> 00:16:32,395 What? Why did you snatch up Sergeant Jefford's task? 404 00:16:32,479 --> 00:16:34,397 Because we're trying to get him to stay. 405 00:16:34,481 --> 00:16:35,815 Well, that's not your job. 406 00:16:35,899 --> 00:16:39,653 And Jeffords, you can stay here and digitize 2000 through 2005 inclusive. 407 00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:41,337 I expect it done by the morning. 408 00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:47,118 Great. Now I have to re-cancel on Sharon. 409 00:16:47,619 --> 00:16:49,996 If I worked at Copperhead, I'd be home by now. 410 00:16:50,330 --> 00:16:53,750 Swimming in a pool of gold coins like my boy, Scrooge McDuck. 411 00:16:54,042 --> 00:16:55,543 [MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING] 412 00:16:58,421 --> 00:16:59,462 Password? 413 00:16:59,546 --> 00:17:00,588 Tropical. 414 00:17:00,672 --> 00:17:03,258 Mmm-mmm. That's an old password. 415 00:17:03,342 --> 00:17:04,384 Changes every night. 416 00:17:05,177 --> 00:17:08,012 All right, fine. Tropical one? 417 00:17:08,096 --> 00:17:09,696 Wait, wait, wait, wait! [GRUNTS] 418 00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:11,474 Ahh! 419 00:17:11,558 --> 00:17:14,268 Ha-ha! Not cool. Okay? 420 00:17:14,352 --> 00:17:17,145 Look, just ask Milo, the bartender. All right? He knows me. 421 00:17:17,229 --> 00:17:18,605 Tell him orange soda's back. 422 00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:19,899 I don't know no Milo. 423 00:17:20,149 --> 00:17:22,985 The bartenders also change their names every night. 424 00:17:23,069 --> 00:17:25,780 Get out of here until you know the password, man. 425 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,908 Damn it! This place is so cool. 426 00:17:31,493 --> 00:17:34,329 Come on, strangers. Show me your lips. 427 00:17:35,038 --> 00:17:37,374 There you go. Got it. 428 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,210 [CLEARS THROAT] 429 00:17:44,255 --> 00:17:45,297 Pepper. 430 00:17:45,381 --> 00:17:46,423 Pooper. 431 00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:50,928 Popcorn. 432 00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:56,433 Plor-pa-pa. Plorp. 433 00:17:57,142 --> 00:17:58,352 Park. Parks. 434 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:00,853 Okay. 435 00:18:07,026 --> 00:18:08,069 Yeah. 436 00:18:08,986 --> 00:18:10,279 Norse. 437 00:18:11,906 --> 00:18:13,700 [MUSIC PLAYING] 438 00:18:15,826 --> 00:18:16,868 Bull's eye. 439 00:18:18,870 --> 00:18:20,455 Oh, no. The double tuck. 440 00:18:21,832 --> 00:18:23,208 [CLEARING THROAT] 441 00:18:23,583 --> 00:18:25,127 Oh, hey! 442 00:18:25,794 --> 00:18:27,211 You wouldn't kick out a hopeless romantic 443 00:18:27,295 --> 00:18:29,088 who's only here in the name of love, would you? 444 00:18:29,172 --> 00:18:30,257 Oh, you would. 445 00:18:35,511 --> 00:18:39,097 Terry! So, what happened at breakfast with Gary? 446 00:18:39,181 --> 00:18:40,223 Are you leaving us for Copperhead? 447 00:18:40,307 --> 00:18:43,227 Because I am prepared to light Charles on fire in protest. 448 00:18:43,602 --> 00:18:47,438 Relax. I declined the offer, told them I wasn't interested. 449 00:18:47,522 --> 00:18:48,564 Eat it, Gary! 450 00:18:48,648 --> 00:18:50,098 I gave him back all his swag. 451 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,279 Except for the puffy vest, which, I, uh, lost. 452 00:19:01,869 --> 00:19:03,620 I'm staying at the Nine-Nine! 453 00:19:03,704 --> 00:19:04,788 Whoo! 454 00:19:05,789 --> 00:19:07,374 HOLT: Good news, Sergeant. 455 00:19:08,417 --> 00:19:11,545 Really? So, you're done trying to push him out, Yoko? 456 00:19:11,754 --> 00:19:15,674 Whoa. Don't give Captain Holt a hard time. He's the reason I'm staying. 457 00:19:15,758 --> 00:19:17,049 I don't know what you're talking about. 458 00:19:17,133 --> 00:19:19,583 You're an adult and you came to your own decision. 459 00:19:20,094 --> 00:19:22,263 Look at me. I can't keep a straight face. 460 00:19:22,597 --> 00:19:24,265 I played you like a fiddle. 461 00:19:24,432 --> 00:19:29,061 Yeah, you did. Digitizing those old files reminded me of all the cases I worked 462 00:19:29,145 --> 00:19:30,896 and all the good we do in the community. 463 00:19:30,980 --> 00:19:33,856 What's best for my family is that they grow up with a dad 464 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,483 who's proud of what he does. 465 00:19:35,567 --> 00:19:36,610 Thank you, Captain. 466 00:19:37,027 --> 00:19:41,865 Look at you. You're like the wise old owl from those lollipop commercials. 467 00:19:42,783 --> 00:19:43,908 Terry's back! 468 00:19:43,992 --> 00:19:45,285 [ALL CHEERING] 469 00:19:46,244 --> 00:19:47,619 MAJORS: Hey, buddy. Sorry I'm late. 470 00:19:47,703 --> 00:19:49,538 I had to get this dumb medal from the commissioner 471 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,373 for a double murder I solved last year. 472 00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:53,875 Been there. I had a pretty crazy morning myself. 473 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,669 Jake, your taquitos exploded in the toaster oven. 474 00:19:55,753 --> 00:19:57,922 Thanks, Rosa. Ten-four. Copy that. 475 00:19:58,172 --> 00:19:59,423 So, how'd it go with Santiago? 476 00:19:59,507 --> 00:20:01,883 Actually, she wasn't into it. Swing and a miss. 477 00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:04,176 You're kidding. Yeah, it was really weird. 478 00:20:04,260 --> 00:20:06,888 I've never been turned down before. So unexpected. 479 00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:09,280 I'm excited to see what happens to me next. 480 00:20:10,183 --> 00:20:11,226 Okay. 481 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:15,896 So, Blotter Dynamite struck out, huh? 482 00:20:15,980 --> 00:20:17,898 I know, but why? What does it mean? 483 00:20:17,982 --> 00:20:19,023 And why did she double tuck? 484 00:20:19,107 --> 00:20:20,150 How come she turned him down? 485 00:20:20,234 --> 00:20:21,359 Do you think it had something to do with me, Rosa? 486 00:20:21,443 --> 00:20:22,485 What is she thinking? Jake. 487 00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:24,069 Yeah, I should ask her myself. 488 00:20:25,072 --> 00:20:27,157 Hey, you just missed Majors. 489 00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:29,325 I gotta say, he was lookin' a little bit rough. 490 00:20:29,409 --> 00:20:31,703 Almost like he was up all night crying or something. 491 00:20:31,787 --> 00:20:33,996 Ha-ha, Jake. I'm sure he's fine. 492 00:20:34,163 --> 00:20:36,582 So, what happened? 493 00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:39,460 Well, I thought we were getting a drink to celebrate closing the case, 494 00:20:39,544 --> 00:20:41,628 but apparently, he thought it was a date. 495 00:20:41,712 --> 00:20:43,046 Right. And you were not into that 496 00:20:43,130 --> 00:20:45,880 because he's so muscular and in command of his finances? 497 00:20:46,050 --> 00:20:49,427 He's great, but after everything that happened with Teddy, 498 00:20:49,511 --> 00:20:51,763 and all the cops I know who go out and break up 499 00:20:51,847 --> 00:20:54,474 and then still have to work together, it's just too messy. 500 00:20:54,558 --> 00:20:56,358 I got a new rule. I don't date cops. 501 00:20:57,727 --> 00:20:58,978 Cool. Cool. Yeah. 502 00:20:59,062 --> 00:21:01,147 Actually, that's funny. I have the same rule. 503 00:21:01,231 --> 00:21:02,315 No more cops. 504 00:21:02,399 --> 00:21:05,108 From this point on, it's strictly dating criminals. 505 00:21:05,192 --> 00:21:07,527 If you break up with them, you can always send them to jail forever. 506 00:21:07,611 --> 00:21:09,196 Exactly. Nice and clean. 507 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,364 Mmm-hmm. 508 00:21:11,740 --> 00:21:14,493 Hey, I got an email from the commissioner's office about our case. 509 00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:15,786 What'd they say? 510 00:21:15,995 --> 00:21:17,120 -[SHEEP BLEATING] -[YELPS] 511 00:21:17,204 --> 00:21:18,747 Ah! Ah-ha! 512 00:21:19,331 --> 00:21:20,414 You got me. With my thing. 513 00:21:20,498 --> 00:21:21,541 Mmm-hmm. 514 00:21:21,666 --> 00:21:22,709 Great. Oh! 39549

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