All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S02E20 - AC-DC.eng.SDH

Heads up.
There's our perp, looking all perpy,

just perping his way down Perp Street.
Take a picture!

Give me one second. This light is
really unflattering for his complexion.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

Tom Olson is a bad dude. He's held
up four electronic stores at gunpoint.

Man, I wish you hadn't read
that Annie Leibovitz book.

Quit calling it a book,
it was a visual journey.

You probably think I should shoot
this in color instead of black and white.

Yes! Shoot color. Why have you
been shooting black and white?

Where's he going now? Come on.

Damn it. NYPD, freeze!

He's trapped. Top-of-car foot chase.

My birthday wish finally came true!

[CARS HONKING]

Keep it up, Jake!
He's yours, he's yours, he's yours!

I know! I feel like the coolest
person in New York City!

Arghhh!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Ooh! Ooh, nice pimp walk, pimp.

Oh, well, thank you, pimpin' playa.

Whoa. That is not a pimp
walk, that's a limp walk.

You sure you should be here today, Jake?

You wiped out hard.

It wasn't so much a wipe-out as it was

a controlled power-fall, Sarge.

[SQUEAKS] That's his disagreement squeak.

You wiped out. What did the doctor say?

"Welcome, we haven't
seen you in 11 years."

Haven't been to the doctor in 11 years.
How trill is that?

Your tone's braggy, but
your words are real sad.

Mmm. Did he clear you for active duty?

First of all, the doctor was a woman.

There's a such thing as
women doctors, Sarge.

I lied for effect. It was a man.

And he said that I was perfectly fine.

Except for three cracked
ribs and a broken toe,

which were right next
to two other broken toes.

Did he clear you or not?

[LAUGHS] He did not.

All right, let's get to work, guys.

We got a perp to catch.

Oh, forget that. Uh-uh. No, look.

There's an APB out for your guy.

Lots of cops are looking for him.

You don't need to be here.

Sarge, I know this
case better than anyone.

And I am this close to solving it.

Your fingers are really far apart.

Yeah, I also have a
hairline fracture in my thumb,

mankind's least important finger.
Am I right?

Sarge, please.
Please, please, please, please.

Just let me stay on the case, all right?

I promise I won't go into the field

or do anything dangerous.

Fine.
You can work the case from right here.

But you are tied to your desk.

Tied to my desk?

Mr. Grey will see you now, Sarge.

You wanted to see me, sir?

We have a situation. And it's bad.

Check your email.

No. Yes.

Kevin insists on you and Marcus

joining us for dinner at our house.

But we agreed to keep our personal

and professional lives separate.

It is weird enough I
am dating your nephew

without dragging your
husband and dog into it.

Do you think I want this?
Because I do not want this.

Sadly, Marcus and Kevin
can be held off no longer.

Okay. So, what's our play here?

My stomach's a little off.
I could say I'm sick.

Well, I've used the "sick"
excuse for you eight times.

I think they're catching on.

You could say you're sick.
No one would ever believe that.

No. This is happening. But don't
worry, I have a plan to keep things from

getting too personal.
I'm inviting some intimacy buffers.

Dinner party at your house? Oh, mama!

I will be there. All I ask is that you

clear the furniture
out of your living room

so I can show Kev some
of my new dance opera.

Why just some of it? Do the whole thing.

Yes, nothing would make me happier.
See you Thursday at 8:00.

Copy that, Cap-i-tan. Later, skater.

Yes, this is wonderful.

The dinner's not for four days
and you're already freaking out.

Excuse me. Did you not just
hear me say, "Later, skater"?

All right, fine.
There's a slight chance that

in the past, I may have tried a
little too hard around the Captain.

So this time, I'm gonna be super chill.

Good plan. Whoa.
It just says you got uninvited.

What? Oh, honey.

Oh. I get it. You're joking.
See? I'm cool. I get jokes.

Boyle, have you seen Jake?

No, I was out getting him some healing
broth. I was torn between chicken or beef,

but then it hit me. Goat.

[LOUD CRASHING]

What happened? I heard a bang.

No. No bang. Everything's totally normal.

Really?
It looks to me like you did something

stupid, like trying to lift a heavy box.

Sarge, come on. In my condition?

Suck it, MacGyver.

Pretty elegant solution, right?

No! Everything fell everywhere.

All you had to do was sit at your desk.
What is your problem?

I don't have a problem.
I'm just trying to solve this case,

and everyone's making a huge deal
because I have a few minor injuries

to my ribs, ankle, hand, toes, and jaw.

Jaw? Yeah, that just happened.

I got hit in the face with a box.
But, look, I'm fine. I promise you.

No, you're not. I'm done with this,
Peralta. Go home and get better. Now.

All right, fine. But I'm taking
this box of evidence with me.

If you can pick it up, you can take it.

Deal.

[GROANING LOUDLY]

See? I'm fine.

Yo, yo, yo.
Miss me, miss me, now you gotta kiss me.

Talking to you.

Jake, what are you doing here?
It's only been four days.

You're supposed to take
a full week off of work.

Come on, Sarge, does
it look like I'm on the job?

Okay, then. What are you doing here?

Taking your advice to rest
and relax to the next level.

Swinging by to pick up
Charles and then we're headed

to sunny, beachy,

only recently
devastated-by-financial-crisis

Atlantic City.

That's right, suckers. Jake and I
are going on the coolest vacation ever.

Official trip nickname, ACDC,
Atlantic City Dudes Club.

Yeah, that's gonna change.
But check it out, Sarge.

Boyle and I are staying at…

BOTH [HIGH-PITCHED VOICES]:
The Ravenna.

Damn. This place is lux.

Yeah, I've been trying to
get Jake down there forever.

Had I known all it would
take was a few broken bones,

I would have hit him with a baseball
bat years ago. [CLEARS THROAT]

Sarge, it's a spa and a casino.
A spa-sino.

One of the room service
options is a carving station.

Talkin' prime rib in bed!

And what's this?
I'm using a blanket as a napkin.

That's fancy. That's fancy. Real fancy.

All right. Well, that sounds good, Jake.
Sounds like you guys are gonna have fun.

Oh. Oh, we will.
Because we're staying at…

BOTH [HIGH-PITCHED VOICES]:
The Ravenna.

Jake, this is not the Ravenna.

No, it is not.
But it is the world famous Seaf am Motel.

I think the "O" fell off.
Pretty cool, right?

The Ravenna had a four-star restaurant.
This

place has a weird
amount of dead seagulls,

even for AC.

All right, fine. It's not a vacation.
It's a stakeout.

My perp has a brother
who lives in this dump,

and I think he's hiding
out with him here.

Seriously? I was looking forward to
this trip. I can't believe you lied to me.

It wasn't a lie. It was…
[DRAMATICALLY] an illusion!

All right, it was a lie. I'm sorry.
I had to make it sound really cool

so you'd drop everything
and come with me.

I can't let Olson walk
and I can't catch him alone.

Plus, this is gonna be super fun.
New trip nickname… ACDC,

Atlantic City Detectives Club.

Okay, fine. You know I can't
say no to a good trip nickname.

There he is! Oh!
Arm, rib, arm, rib, shoulder?

[RAPID PANTING]

Marcus, Detective Diaz, what a surprise.

I didn't expect you for
another nine and a half minutes.

See? I told you it was rude to be early.

Well, let's cancel the entire
evening and try again next year.

Baby. She is hilarious. I thought
you might need some help setting up.

Oh. I'll put these in some water.
Thank you.

Marcus, you can help
with the bœuf Bourguignon.

I subbed shallots for
onions in the mirepoix.

No. Are you kidding? [WHISPERS] I
have no idea what he's talking about.

I'm sorry. We're screwed.
I should just break up with him.

No, no, no, no.
Santiago is always on time.

We only have to make small talk for…

Eight minutes and 45 seconds.

We better keep it impersonal. Acceptable
topics include what constitutes a grain,

the Hubble Space Telescope, orchid
varietals, the birth of the transistor…

We only have to fill eight minutes.

Sure, but think about it as 480 seconds,
and you'll see why I'm concerned.

Oh, my God.

Uh-oh, Amy. Train's moving real slow.
We're gonna be epically late.

Keep your reaction short and to the point.
I'm running out of mem.

Sorry, Gina. I hope we're late.
That's how the fashionable crowd lives.

I told you. Tonight, I'm gonna have fun.

What? I'm being chill.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Because something stinks.
And it's definitely the food you brought.

I think it smells great.
It's my mom's famous Niçoise salad.

Amy, all your cooking stinks. Why would
you even get involved with tuna and egg?

No one else seems to mind it.

We mind. We really, really mind.
Just throw it out.

I will not throw it out. But I will open
a window. Because I'm a nice person.

And I'm an even nicer person.
Bye-bye, salad!

No!

Yo. Still no movement.
How was the snack machine?

Ah. Snacks abound.

Told you this place was awesome.
My theory is that Olson and his brother

have been using it as a home base while
they rob places up and down the coast.

Fascinating, fascinating.
Do you desire a crispened potato?

Ah, don't mind if I doobie.
Wait a minute. Crispened potato?

Why are you fancy-talking?

How dare you, sir?
I speak the common tongue.

There it is again. You only do that
when you're lying or hiding something.

Hiding? Ha! Pish-posh.

-[KNOCK AT DOOR]
-JEFFORDS: Housekeeping!

That's not housekeeping, that's betrayal!
I can't believe you called the Sarge.

Hey, Sarge.
Don't "Hey, Sarge" me, Peralta.

I'm about to break the
rest of your damn body.

Okay, fine. I accept my fate.

Just take a picture of my penis first
for posterity, and then do what you must.

Amy says that we
should start dinner without

her.
And then, she writes "whatevs," colon,

hyphen, closed parentheses.

Great. It's much nicer just the
four of us. We can really get into it.

Yeah, let's do just that. Uh… So,
Marcus, what, uh, orchids can you name?

Oh, that's easy. None.

Ah, well, here are the orchids that I can
name. Beclardia, Beloglottis, Benthamia,

Diphylax, Dipodium, Evotella…

Raymond, you know how much I
love hearing you talk about orchids.

Great. Then there's Eriaxis…

But I would love to hear
more about our guest.

Rosa, tell us about your family.

I have one.

You've got to give him
more deets than that.

Her father's a teacher.
They're from Bensonhurst.

Speaking of which, have they finished
repairing the Hubble Space Telescope?

Yes, six years ago.
So, do you have siblings?

I have…

Two sisters.

I have to leave this.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Whoo. Great idea, take a breather.
That was way too personal.

No one needs to know you have sisters.
New topic. The moons of Jupiter.

I think I might be pregnant.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh… No.

I came down here to stop you from doing

something stupid.
I called the ACPD and told

them we had a possible perp at this motel.
They're sending a squad car.

Wow, Boyle.
The fact that you would sell me out after

I brought you to Atlantic City on a
half-expenses-paid best friends trip.

I know, I'm sorry, it's just…
I was worried about you getting hurt.

No, Charles, don't apologize!
We're mad at him!

I had to miss family dinner
to drive my ass out here.

Well, no one asked you to do that.

Actually, I did. Remember?
I betrayed you.

Charles. What are you doing, bud?
I just dug you out of this.

Peralta, we're going home as
soon as that squad car gets here.

Until then, you sit tight.

You're on time-out.
That's your time-out chair.

Fine.
But first, I have to go to the bathroom.

And it will be work due
to my injured tailbone

and bruised bladder.

Yeah. Yeah.

What the hell? Please be Olson.
Please be Olson. Please be Olson.

You're not Olson.

Oh, no.

[GRUNTS]

Uh-oh.

JEFFORDS: This stinks!

I should be at home taking care of my real
babies, not some big, dumb, work baby.

I know you're upset,
Sarge, but I think the

fact that you came all
the way down here has

really taught Jake a lesson.

-[BANGING ON WINDOW]
-JAKE: Help!

And I'm wrong. He's done something dumb.

JAKE: Help! Help! Cover yourself, Jake!

It's your friend, Charles
Boyle, from work!

Hey, guys.

What the hell are you
doing out there, Peralta?

Would you believe that my urine
stream was so powerful that it shot…

Nope. Okay.

I thought I saw our perp.
And I know I'm not supposed to be working,

but technically, I wasn't
working, because it wasn't our guy.

Get out of the bathroom!
We're gonna go sit

on those gross beds
and talk about the fact

that you have a real problem!

Okay. I get that you're mad,
and we are definitely gonna talk.

But I still haven't technically gotten
to go pee, so if you wouldn't mind…

I don't care. You have lost the
right to pee. You can fidget, little man.

Well… It's gonna be on you when
we're all covered in my whizz.

Get your ass out there.

Are your bosoms tender?

I'm gonna pretend that
you didn't just ask me that.

Are your senses heightened?

I think I might be pregnant,
not bitten by a radioactive spider.

Kevin asked me about my sister.
She just told me she's pregnant.

And that made me think.

I've been feeling rundown
lately, my stomach's been weird,

and I just did the math in my
head and I think I'm a little bit late.

Late to, uh… Oh, right. Right. Your, um…

What if I'm pregnant? Do I tell Marcus?
What do I do with a baby?

How do you take care of those things?
Why are their heads so soft?

Before you spiral any more,
you should take a pregnancy test.

Yes, smart. Immediately.

Oh, immediately, immediately.

Uh, very well.
I'll figure out a way to get

you out of here without
arousing suspicion.

Now I'm regretting blowing
through my orchid material so quickly.

Jake, you put work ahead of
everything else and it's not healthy.

Remember Cagney and
Lacey's third birthday party?

I hired you as Jakels the Clown?
How'd that go?

[SILLY VOICE] And Jeremy
the Giraffe has a very long neck.

That's it! The hooker was strangled!

You were thinking that at a kid's party.

Life is more than just whatever
case you're working on.

If you don't figure out
how to balance things,

you're gonna burn out or get hurt.
Oh, look, you did get hurt.

Okay. Fine. You guys make
some great points. But counter-point,

I am right all the time.
There's our perp.

All right. Let's go!

Jake! Observe him from a safe distance

while we wait for the
Atlantic City PD to show up.

My exact instinct as well, Sarge.
Good thinking.

Oh, no. Are you certain we
have to cut the party short?

Uh, yes, unfortunately,
Detective Diaz has an

unexpected emergency to take care of.

All right. Do you need to go as well?

No, it's not quite Captain-worthy.

But still advanced enough
that Detective Diaz's

talents are best qualified
to handle the, um…

Non-emergency emergency.

Yes. Precisely. See? She's great.

I should go do that. Now. Yes.

Hey, what's up? Hi.
Hi. Sorry we're so late.

Actually, the party is over. What?

The party is over! Oh, I see.

You heard me, you were just taken
by surprise. Very well. Um, goodnight.

But… Oh…

[SIGHS]

All I wanted to do was impress
Captain Holt, and you know what?

It didn't matter.
It didn't matter that we were late.

It didn't matter that I was chill.

And it didn't matter that
the rats ate my salad.

Oh, no. I definitely saw
them running away from it.

You know what, my friend?
It's time to be chill for real.

Mmm. Yes, Gaga! Yes, that's the spirit!

[GIGGLING]

We should go. Yep.

Damn ACPD. They should be here by now.

He's looking at us.
Pretend to use the ice machine, Boyle.

Gladly.
Why is it so fun to get hotel ice?

It feels wasteful, but also like, I
bought this room, I deserve this ice.

Shh. He's on the move.

JEFFORDS: Okay, I'll
follow until the ACPD get here.

Damn it! Stay put, Peralta!

I will! Don't worry!
I'm just gonna let Sarge follow him.

I'm gonna stay here. I can't do it.
I'm gonna cut him off in the alley.

Ow, ow, ow.

Ha! Short cut. You just got "Jaked."

Oh! Oh, Jake! Oh…

Jake! You okay?

No, Sarge. I got hit by a car.

Are you happy now? Broken ribs and a

million broken toes
weren't enough for you?

In retrospect, they were plenty. Yes.

The worst part is, Olson got away.

That's the worst part?
You could have died, man.

I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor
said all my bleeding was internal.

That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Look, I know you're angry because
I disrespected you as a boss.

No! I'm upset my friend doesn't want my
help because he insists on being an idiot.

You know what? You're a lost cause. I'm
done trying to help you. Terry's leaving.

Wait.

My second year on the force,
I was working a drug case.

Tracking this drug dealer for months.

And then, suddenly, he disappeared
right before Memorial Day.

Which I was supposed to take off
for a guys' weekend with some friends.

But how? We didn't know each other yet.

Oh, other friends.

While I was gone, the
dude resurfaced and got into

a shootout with another drug dealer.
Two civilians got shot.

Meanwhile, I was sipping
piña coladas in Philly.

From that day on, I vowed to
never take time off during a case.

Also, I don't love Philly.

Jake, I get it. Philly sucks.

Yeah. But why didn't you ever tell us?

I was embarrassed about the choice I made.
People got hurt because of me.

Perps get away. People get hurt.
That's part of the job.

But if you don't give yourself a
break, you'll be no use to anyone.

Because you'll be dead.

Real talk alert. [CHUCKLES]

Okay.

I get it. I'd give you a hug, but right
now, my body has the structural integrity

of a chocolate soufflé. Ooh.

I am so hungover.
Did we steal these sunglasses last night?

No, you paid the bodega guy $200 for them.
And his shirt.

Ugh. That explains why I have a
XXXL Scarf ace hoodie on my couch.

Eh, worth it. It was a pretty fun night.

Hey. I just wanted to say I'm sorry
for canceling the party so abruptly.

There was a non-emergency emergency.

Your loss. Amy made a salad and
a cake, and they were… Amazing.

Well, let's put a make-up
dinner in the calendar.

Or we could just go with the flow.
See what happens. I don't give a what.

Too much.

I mean, that would be great.
Thank you, sir.

Captain. Detective Diaz.

I'm not pregnant.

I see. I just wanted to say thank you.

Talking to you was really helpful.

Maybe mixing our personal and professional
lives isn't as disgusting as it sounds.

Yes, I agree. And…

I'm glad I could help.

Now, let's never talk about…

Stop pointing at it. Yes, of course.

Um…

Dismissed?

Yo. Welcome back, Peralta.
You look rested.

Thank you, I am. I caught up on a
lot of very important daytime television,

I tried grapefruit juice
for the first time, terrible,

and one day, I even bought the newspaper.

It was raining, and I
needed a cheap umbrella.

Impressive.
And how's your broken everything?

Doctor gave me the
all-clear to come back to work.

And I'm allowed to
have light, non-strenuous

sex, provided I stretch before and after.

Nice.

Well, it's, uh, great to have you back.

Your perp got picked up
by some uniforms in the 78.

But I have a couple other
B&Es you could jump on.

Oh. Actually, Sarge, I'm
not back-back just yet.

I decided to take two more vacation days.

A friend of mine said I needed

to experience life outside of work.

Smart friend.

Anyways, I figure I owe
Boyle a legit trip to AC. So…

That's right, y'all.

It's time for ACDC part 2,

Atlantic City Destruction Crew.

Yeah, actually not bad.

Because we are going
to destroy eight different

taffy crawls and one "Ghosts
of the Boardwalk" bus tour.

Not where I saw that
going, but I'm still excited.

Ha-ho!

This is gonna be epic, bro.

Quick, Sarge, punch me in
the ribs as hard as you can.