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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,966 --> 00:00:06,301 Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas! 2 00:00:06,593 --> 00:00:08,554 Ho, thank you, good sir! 3 00:00:08,804 --> 00:00:11,389 The elves will not starve this night! 4 00:00:11,514 --> 00:00:12,556 Any sign of our bogie? 5 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,683 Negative. Are you sure our guy's gonna show? 6 00:00:14,767 --> 00:00:17,561 My CI said he walked this route exactly the last three days. 7 00:00:17,645 --> 00:00:19,437 Fine, but in ten minutes we're calling this. 8 00:00:19,521 --> 00:00:21,230 I have to get back to my ecstasy task force. 9 00:00:21,314 --> 00:00:23,983 We have to bag a major giggle pig player soon, or they're gonna shut us down. 10 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:27,903 Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum! Presents. 11 00:00:27,987 --> 00:00:29,837 DIAZ: God, you're bad at being Santa. 12 00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:31,699 Jake, holy crap! Nine o'clock. 13 00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:35,243 PERALTA: The Pontiac Bandit, aka Doug Judy. 14 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,127 Okay, Santa. Stay calm. Just like we practiced. 15 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:42,082 Merry Judy, Mr. Doug Judy, Christmas. 16 00:00:42,166 --> 00:00:43,667 Damn it! Peralta? 17 00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:44,959 No! 18 00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:47,129 Onion ring attack! Ah! Greasy! 19 00:00:48,671 --> 00:00:50,298 NYPD. Stop where you are! 20 00:00:50,715 --> 00:00:52,759 Come on, Santa. Why are you so fat? 21 00:01:01,141 --> 00:01:02,308 NYPD. Clear out. 22 00:01:03,058 --> 00:01:04,185 Where are you? 23 00:01:04,810 --> 00:01:05,895 [SCREAMS] Ah! 24 00:01:06,562 --> 00:01:08,022 -Got you. -[GRUNTS] 25 00:01:12,734 --> 00:01:14,319 [GRUNTING] 26 00:01:14,652 --> 00:01:17,195 Doug Judy, you are under arrest. 27 00:01:17,279 --> 00:01:18,321 Put your hands in the air. 28 00:01:18,405 --> 00:01:20,740 Hey, Rosa. Merry Christmas, girl. 29 00:01:20,824 --> 00:01:21,867 Shut up. 30 00:01:22,159 --> 00:01:23,410 PERALTA: Take a good look, kids. 31 00:01:23,494 --> 00:01:26,287 This is what happens when you're naughty! 32 00:01:26,621 --> 00:01:28,623 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 33 00:01:47,263 --> 00:01:49,974 Attention, everyone. Holidays of many cultures approach. 34 00:01:50,058 --> 00:01:51,851 This truly is a joyful time. 35 00:01:52,268 --> 00:01:54,352 Join me for a festive winter party 36 00:01:54,436 --> 00:01:56,604 at Shaw's Bar this Friday, 7:00 till 9:00. 37 00:01:56,688 --> 00:01:58,190 Any questions? a.m. or p.m? 38 00:01:58,398 --> 00:01:59,898 I'm gonna let you figure that one out. 39 00:01:59,982 --> 00:02:02,192 Also, I'd like to reiterate my gift policy. 40 00:02:02,276 --> 00:02:05,112 None allowed. Enjoy this merry season. 41 00:02:05,196 --> 00:02:07,322 Good people of the Nine-Nine. 42 00:02:07,489 --> 00:02:09,031 I present to you 43 00:02:09,115 --> 00:02:11,284 the seventh wonder of the world, 44 00:02:11,368 --> 00:02:14,287 Doug Judy, AKA the Pontiac Bandit, 45 00:02:14,371 --> 00:02:15,746 foiled at last! 46 00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:17,914 [ALL CHEERING, APPLAUDING] 47 00:02:17,998 --> 00:02:20,667 Wow, you guys. Thank you very much. 48 00:02:20,751 --> 00:02:21,959 All right. That's enough, Judy! 49 00:02:22,043 --> 00:02:24,253 This is my moment. You are not to enjoy it. 50 00:02:24,337 --> 00:02:25,629 I can't help it. I'm proud of you. 51 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,466 You're like a son to me. A white, crispy son. 52 00:02:28,550 --> 00:02:30,216 How would that even work? Am I adopted? 53 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,050 No. Your mother's just really pale. 54 00:02:32,511 --> 00:02:34,304 Almost invisible. Okay. 55 00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,597 Anyways, it's a shame I gotta ruin your celebration 56 00:02:36,681 --> 00:02:38,015 by cutting a deal and getting out of here. 57 00:02:38,099 --> 00:02:39,475 Never! Right? 58 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:40,726 I'm just saying. 59 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:43,978 I know a lot of real, high profile felons. 60 00:02:44,062 --> 00:02:46,523 Makes me a very desirable tattletale. 61 00:02:47,107 --> 00:02:48,941 We will never cut a deal with you. 62 00:02:49,025 --> 00:02:50,318 Not after you screwed us last year. 63 00:02:50,402 --> 00:02:53,278 You don't want any info on a local burglary ring, perhaps? 64 00:02:53,362 --> 00:02:55,071 Not good enough. Testify, Captain! 65 00:02:55,155 --> 00:02:56,656 How about a guy who makes fake credit cards? 66 00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:58,073 -Negative. -PERALTA: You see that, Judy? 67 00:02:58,157 --> 00:03:00,410 No matter what you say, you're going to jail. 68 00:03:00,535 --> 00:03:01,578 What about drugs? 69 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,413 You all ever heard of giggle pig? 70 00:03:05,706 --> 00:03:06,956 What do you know? We're listening. 71 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,082 PERALTA: No, no, no, no. 72 00:03:08,166 --> 00:03:09,459 We're not listening. We can't hear him. 73 00:03:09,543 --> 00:03:11,443 Everybody, shoot your guns in the air! 74 00:03:13,004 --> 00:03:14,546 Gina, you need to see this! 75 00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:16,507 Oh, Charles. I can't take that. 76 00:03:16,591 --> 00:03:18,884 It's clearly not cash, and I don't have time 77 00:03:18,968 --> 00:03:20,218 in my life to return things. 78 00:03:20,302 --> 00:03:22,178 I found this in my dad's place last night. 79 00:03:22,262 --> 00:03:23,304 It's from him to your mom. 80 00:03:23,388 --> 00:03:25,264 [GASPS] No. Yes. 81 00:03:25,348 --> 00:03:26,599 Boyle, this is bad. 82 00:03:26,683 --> 00:03:28,975 I thought our parents were just having a casual fling. 83 00:03:29,059 --> 00:03:31,269 But presents is like old people third base. 84 00:03:31,353 --> 00:03:32,646 No. That's rubbing butts together. 85 00:03:32,730 --> 00:03:34,230 What? But this is very close. 86 00:03:34,522 --> 00:03:37,483 Gina, they may be getting serious. 87 00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:40,236 [GRUNTS] Don't you dare say that. 88 00:03:40,904 --> 00:03:42,654 Do you know how disgustingly 89 00:03:42,738 --> 00:03:43,988 entangled our lives will be 90 00:03:44,072 --> 00:03:45,740 if our parents turn into a real couple? 91 00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:47,700 Yes! You think I want you and your mom 92 00:03:47,784 --> 00:03:49,910 horning in on the Boyle Boys mimosa brunches? 93 00:03:49,994 --> 00:03:51,161 That's our guy time! 94 00:03:51,245 --> 00:03:52,996 Ugh. We need to figure out 95 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,290 what is in this horrible package 96 00:03:55,374 --> 00:03:57,041 so we can determine where they're at 97 00:03:57,125 --> 00:03:58,877 in their relationship. [GASPS] 98 00:03:59,252 --> 00:04:00,753 What if it's a romantic book, 99 00:04:00,837 --> 00:04:03,129 or like a picture of the two of them in a frame? 100 00:04:03,213 --> 00:04:05,632 Ugh, ugh. Oh, or "his and hers" pajamas? 101 00:04:05,716 --> 00:04:07,384 The kind that dissolve in your mouth. 102 00:04:07,468 --> 00:04:11,054 Ew. No. No, Charles. Ew. 103 00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:14,230 So, this is where all the tape went. 104 00:04:14,349 --> 00:04:16,684 I gotta put up these pictures my daughters drew. 105 00:04:16,768 --> 00:04:19,269 And I need some 'cause I cut my hand. Hitchcock! 106 00:04:19,478 --> 00:04:20,520 Go to the hospital! 107 00:04:20,604 --> 00:04:23,941 And give 100 bucks to some doctor to give me the exact same tape? 108 00:04:24,107 --> 00:04:25,149 I don't think so. 109 00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:27,610 Wow. What's all this? 110 00:04:28,069 --> 00:04:30,070 I'm making a Christmas present for Captain Holt. 111 00:04:30,154 --> 00:04:33,322 I know, I know. He has a strict no gift policy, 112 00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,450 but I found a loophole. 113 00:04:35,617 --> 00:04:37,077 Like your loophole last year? 114 00:04:37,369 --> 00:04:40,412 So, I was just gonna throw out this brand new squash racquet, 115 00:04:40,496 --> 00:04:42,914 but then I thought, "Hey, maybe the Captain could use it." 116 00:04:42,998 --> 00:04:44,040 I don't want your garbage. 117 00:04:44,124 --> 00:04:45,542 No, it was a very expensive gift! 118 00:04:45,626 --> 00:04:48,127 Aha! Suspicions confirmed. 119 00:04:48,628 --> 00:04:50,796 I asked the Captain what qualified as a gift, 120 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,215 and he said anything I spent money on. 121 00:04:53,299 --> 00:04:56,635 Then I realized, my time is worth nothing. 122 00:04:56,885 --> 00:04:59,429 Sounds like you're bragging, but that's just a sad statement. 123 00:04:59,513 --> 00:05:02,055 I'm making a scrapbook of his professional highlights. 124 00:05:02,139 --> 00:05:05,267 Newspaper clippings, police reports, pictures. 125 00:05:05,351 --> 00:05:07,311 It's got every moment of his career. 126 00:05:08,645 --> 00:05:09,980 From Ray To Z. 127 00:05:10,313 --> 00:05:11,772 This is a very bad idea. 128 00:05:11,856 --> 00:05:14,150 I know! I'm not happy with the title either, 129 00:05:14,275 --> 00:05:16,276 but my back-up was Keep Hotting On, 130 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,560 but that just makes him sound like he's sick. 131 00:05:18,654 --> 00:05:21,490 All right, before we make a deal with this evil monster, 132 00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:23,074 can I just ask something? 133 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,451 Is giggle pig really that important? 134 00:05:25,535 --> 00:05:28,495 My job, Rosa's job, and the fate of this entire precinct 135 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,914 all depend upon the outcome of this task force. 136 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,040 All right, fine. 137 00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:33,583 Diaz, what's our status right now? 138 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:34,709 We've picked up a bunch of dealers, 139 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,294 but our main target is Tito Ruiz. 140 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,878 We believe he runs the whole operation, 141 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:40,505 only we can't prove it because none of his people will turn on him. 142 00:05:40,589 --> 00:05:43,467 Just because he bit off a few noses. Babies. 143 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,718 I say the only way we make a deal with Doug Judy 144 00:05:45,802 --> 00:05:48,179 is if he can give us the top guy, Tito Ruiz. 145 00:05:48,471 --> 00:05:49,889 I can give you Tito Ruiz. 146 00:05:49,973 --> 00:05:51,265 Oh, come on, Judy! 147 00:05:51,349 --> 00:05:52,891 I mean, how do we even know this is real? 148 00:05:52,975 --> 00:05:54,075 This guy's a huckster! 149 00:05:54,268 --> 00:05:56,895 -He's a lie guy. -HOLT: Peralta has a point. 150 00:05:56,979 --> 00:05:58,980 You have been a lie guy to us before. Thank you. 151 00:05:59,064 --> 00:06:00,105 Give me some details. 152 00:06:00,189 --> 00:06:02,524 Ruiz and I were cellies in Attica in the '90s. 153 00:06:02,608 --> 00:06:03,692 He texted me last week. 154 00:06:03,776 --> 00:06:05,736 He needs some cars to deliver his product. 155 00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:09,197 I said no because drugs are stupid. 156 00:06:09,656 --> 00:06:12,075 Except for weed and sex pills. A man has needs. 157 00:06:12,617 --> 00:06:15,327 ♪ Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. ♪ 158 00:06:15,745 --> 00:06:17,663 ♪ Rosa ♪ 159 00:06:18,122 --> 00:06:20,582 ♪ I can't think of your last name, baby ♪ 160 00:06:20,666 --> 00:06:22,166 [BANGS ON TABLE] Enough crooning. 161 00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:24,085 Can you get us a face to face with Ruiz? 162 00:06:24,169 --> 00:06:27,004 Yeah, but you gotta give me zero jail time. 163 00:06:27,088 --> 00:06:28,254 No, that's not gonna happen. 164 00:06:28,338 --> 00:06:29,923 [LAUGHS] Stupid Judy. 165 00:06:30,007 --> 00:06:32,258 The DA, however, will offer a reduced sentence 166 00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:33,718 in return for Ruiz's arrest. 167 00:06:33,802 --> 00:06:35,636 Five years instead of 20. 168 00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,513 Oh, that's tough, but fair. 169 00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:40,349 I can see why you have such intense daddy stuff with him. 170 00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:42,309 Oh, yeah, the guy without a daddy 171 00:06:42,393 --> 00:06:43,434 is the one with daddy issues. 172 00:06:43,518 --> 00:06:44,978 Explain that logic. 173 00:06:45,103 --> 00:06:48,503 Since I'm going to jail, I want to enjoy my time left on the outside. 174 00:06:49,066 --> 00:06:51,650 Put me up in a five-star hotel, like the Royce, 175 00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:53,944 unlimited room service and minibar privileges. 176 00:06:54,028 --> 00:06:56,113 Three-star hotel, like the Brooklyner, 177 00:06:56,197 --> 00:06:58,364 $60 a day meal allowance, no minibar. 178 00:06:58,448 --> 00:07:00,282 DOUG: Four-star hotel, like the Oneida, 179 00:07:00,366 --> 00:07:02,952 $200 in food, no minibar or alcohol, 180 00:07:03,036 --> 00:07:05,579 but I get to go crazy on candy and nuts. 181 00:07:05,954 --> 00:07:07,288 Agreed. Ow! 182 00:07:07,372 --> 00:07:08,665 Oh, one last thing. 183 00:07:08,791 --> 00:07:11,126 Diaz has to be nice to me. 184 00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:13,794 I want her to call me "Big Sugar". 185 00:07:13,878 --> 00:07:15,546 [SCOFFS] Huge mistake, bud. 186 00:07:15,630 --> 00:07:16,714 She'll never agree to that. 187 00:07:16,798 --> 00:07:19,716 No, I'm in. Let's do this, "Big Sugar". 188 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,384 -[WHIMPERS] -PERALTA: What? All right, fine. 189 00:07:21,468 --> 00:07:23,219 If this is going down, I wanna be on this case. 190 00:07:23,303 --> 00:07:25,055 And my sole focus is Doug Judy. 191 00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:26,889 He never leaves my sights. 192 00:07:27,056 --> 00:07:30,809 Love it! Pontiac Bandit and Jake. P. B. and J ride again! 193 00:07:30,893 --> 00:07:35,146 ♪ Reunited and it feels so good ♪ 194 00:07:35,230 --> 00:07:36,630 It's a duet. Get in on this. 195 00:07:36,815 --> 00:07:41,610 ♪ -Reunited 'cause we understood ♪ -No! No. 196 00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,780 All right, Big Sugar. 197 00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:47,908 Four-star hotel room. You happy? 198 00:07:48,366 --> 00:07:51,410 Okay. Okay. Okay. 199 00:07:51,494 --> 00:07:54,538 Flat screen TV, king-sized bed, 200 00:07:54,622 --> 00:07:56,497 hangers you can take off the rod. 201 00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:59,084 This is what's up. This place is nice. 202 00:07:59,543 --> 00:08:00,960 We should settle down here, Rosa. 203 00:08:01,044 --> 00:08:03,211 Now if you all excuse me, I'm gonna go freshen up. 204 00:08:03,295 --> 00:08:04,964 I'm feeling stanky. 205 00:08:05,256 --> 00:08:07,007 Hold it. Not so fast. 206 00:08:07,550 --> 00:08:08,592 What? 207 00:08:09,552 --> 00:08:11,219 Let's make out. Not yet. 208 00:08:12,345 --> 00:08:14,180 All right. There's no windows. You can go in. 209 00:08:14,264 --> 00:08:16,640 But leave the door open and I'm hanging onto this. 210 00:08:16,724 --> 00:08:17,974 What in the world would I do with that? 211 00:08:18,058 --> 00:08:19,851 Point it at my face until my eyeballs dry out 212 00:08:19,935 --> 00:08:21,019 and I lose my sense of sight. 213 00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:23,146 Then shove it in my mouth so I can't yell for help, 214 00:08:23,230 --> 00:08:25,147 and finally run out the front door and disappear forever. 215 00:08:25,231 --> 00:08:27,775 Nah, I was just gonna use it to dry my undercarriage later. 216 00:08:27,859 --> 00:08:30,486 Would you just relax? Okay? Stop being so paranoid. 217 00:08:30,570 --> 00:08:32,779 I'm playing ball. I got you. 218 00:08:33,655 --> 00:08:34,755 If you'll excuse me… 219 00:08:36,074 --> 00:08:37,533 All right. We can't be too careful. 220 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:38,659 Let's go over the plan one more time. 221 00:08:38,743 --> 00:08:40,327 Doug Judy texts Ruiz to set up a meet. 222 00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:42,204 We each have a hidden wire and we record Ruiz 223 00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,122 talking about giggle pig, then take him down. 224 00:08:44,206 --> 00:08:46,290 Tac team is on call for backup. What are you doing? 225 00:08:46,374 --> 00:08:47,500 You look like a pervert. 226 00:08:47,584 --> 00:08:49,168 [WHISPERS] Putting a GPS tracker in his shoe. 227 00:08:49,252 --> 00:08:50,795 He is not getting away from me again, 228 00:08:50,879 --> 00:08:54,329 even if it means putting my favorite hand into this rotten stink-boot. 229 00:08:54,756 --> 00:08:56,049 -PERALTA: Okay. -DOUG: Whoo-hoo! 230 00:08:56,133 --> 00:08:57,467 Did you see the menu? 231 00:08:57,843 --> 00:09:00,137 Lobster Thermidor. Baked Alaska. 232 00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:02,554 It's so fancy it doesn't even sound like food! 233 00:09:02,638 --> 00:09:03,972 Here. Come on. Order something. 234 00:09:04,056 --> 00:09:05,182 Order. Do it. Order it. 235 00:09:05,266 --> 00:09:06,433 No, thanks. I'm on duty. 236 00:09:06,517 --> 00:09:09,567 Come on, Peralta. You gonna let the criminal have all the fun? 237 00:09:10,562 --> 00:09:11,605 All right, fine. 238 00:09:12,272 --> 00:09:14,774 I'll have one Lobster Thermidor. 239 00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:16,858 Extra thermidor on the side. 240 00:09:16,942 --> 00:09:18,193 I have no idea what I'm ordering. 241 00:09:18,277 --> 00:09:20,613 Me neither! We're like culinary Magellans! 242 00:09:20,779 --> 00:09:22,363 You know how we take this to the next level? 243 00:09:22,447 --> 00:09:24,365 Robes! Robes! 244 00:09:25,283 --> 00:09:30,537 Reunited and it feels so good 245 00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,332 Reunited 246 00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:36,792 Okay, we just unwrap it, we see what's inside, 247 00:09:37,084 --> 00:09:38,377 then we perfectly rewrap it. 248 00:09:38,461 --> 00:09:39,503 Our parents never know what happened. 249 00:09:39,587 --> 00:09:42,422 Ugh. Lord. You're starting to sweat. 250 00:09:42,506 --> 00:09:44,257 You're gonna blemish the wrapping paper! Oh. 251 00:09:44,341 --> 00:09:46,384 Oh. You're dabbing me really hard. You know what? 252 00:09:46,468 --> 00:09:49,053 This is taking too long. Just scooch, ya pooch. 253 00:09:49,137 --> 00:09:50,180 [SIGHS] 254 00:09:53,599 --> 00:09:55,892 You are amazing. How did you do that? 255 00:09:55,976 --> 00:09:57,602 I always open my gifts in advance, 256 00:09:57,686 --> 00:09:58,936 so I can rehearse my reactions 257 00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:01,814 and nail those Christmas morning candids. 258 00:10:02,065 --> 00:10:04,400 Check it out. Be-wonderment. [GASPS] 259 00:10:04,943 --> 00:10:07,069 Disbe-loving it! [GIGGLES] 260 00:10:08,654 --> 00:10:09,696 Sparkle surprise. 261 00:10:10,656 --> 00:10:11,698 I like that. 262 00:10:11,782 --> 00:10:14,951 Now, focus up. Your dad got my mom… 263 00:10:15,743 --> 00:10:18,370 BOYLE: A digital scale? That's bad. 264 00:10:18,454 --> 00:10:20,705 So bad, so wonderfully bad. 265 00:10:20,789 --> 00:10:22,206 Your dad might as well have circled 266 00:10:22,290 --> 00:10:24,876 all the parts of my mom's body he didn't like, with a marker. 267 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,002 You did that to me. 268 00:10:26,086 --> 00:10:28,295 And it didn't help at all. No. 269 00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:30,547 My mom is gonna hate this gift. 270 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,048 And she'd hate it even more 271 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,217 if we were both there when she opened it. 272 00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:37,094 Should we do a gift exchange dinner tonight with both our parents? 273 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,220 Great idea. 274 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,389 Maybe she'll slap him in the face and never talk to him again. 275 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,557 [LAUGHS] Sparkle surprise! 276 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,059 For real! 277 00:10:44,893 --> 00:10:47,312 Three Lobster Thermidors. Spaghetti and meatballs. 278 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,438 Caesar salad with tater tots instead of croutons. 279 00:10:49,522 --> 00:10:51,816 Oh, that's me. Salad, trying to eat healthy. 280 00:10:51,941 --> 00:10:54,193 I hear that. Your body's a temple. 281 00:10:54,277 --> 00:10:55,677 All right. I'm searching it. 282 00:10:56,028 --> 00:10:57,695 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 283 00:10:57,779 --> 00:10:58,946 Peralta. What you doing? 284 00:10:59,030 --> 00:11:01,230 Putting your fingers in my fancy feast? What? 285 00:11:01,366 --> 00:11:03,075 How am I supposed to escape using a lobster? 286 00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:04,826 Squeeze the lemon in my eyes so I can't see, 287 00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,119 stab me in the jugular with a claw, 288 00:11:06,203 --> 00:11:08,580 and then shove the tail down my throat so I can't scream for help. 289 00:11:08,664 --> 00:11:11,248 I gotta keep my eye on you, Judy. You're a slippery guy. 290 00:11:11,332 --> 00:11:12,708 Fair enough. That I am. 291 00:11:12,792 --> 00:11:14,877 But for right now, I'm all about helping you, 292 00:11:14,961 --> 00:11:17,379 so why don't you just chill and eat some sexy ass lobster? 293 00:11:17,463 --> 00:11:21,257 Okay, we held up our end of the bargain. Text Ruiz now, friend. 294 00:11:21,341 --> 00:11:22,384 Fine. 295 00:11:22,801 --> 00:11:24,928 -[PHONE CHIMES] -Tito, dot, dot, dot. 296 00:11:25,012 --> 00:11:27,847 You around, question mark. Want to meet up, period. 297 00:11:28,806 --> 00:11:30,807 Speech to text. We live in a magical age. 298 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:31,934 It's like The Jetsons. 299 00:11:32,018 --> 00:11:35,311 By the way, this Tito dude, he spooks real easy, so… No! 300 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,605 There's no way you're going in alone. We're coming with you. 301 00:11:37,689 --> 00:11:39,273 I've already got my cover story worked out. 302 00:11:39,357 --> 00:11:40,982 My name is Dante Thunderstone. 303 00:11:41,066 --> 00:11:43,818 I stole my first car at the tender age of nine. 304 00:11:43,902 --> 00:11:46,446 You had to fend for yourself since your mother was struck by lightning. 305 00:11:46,530 --> 00:11:49,281 While she was pregnant with me. She passed, I lived. 306 00:11:49,365 --> 00:11:51,283 Some say that makes Zeus my dad. 307 00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:52,618 Aw! Mythic. 308 00:11:52,702 --> 00:11:55,829 That is dope. And, Rosa, you could be my wife. 309 00:11:59,041 --> 00:12:00,667 Rosa. Why would you take your wife with you 310 00:12:00,751 --> 00:12:01,792 to meet a drug dealer? 311 00:12:01,876 --> 00:12:04,127 Because we're partners in everything we do. Aw. 312 00:12:04,211 --> 00:12:06,130 -[PHONE CHIMES] -Whoa! 313 00:12:06,756 --> 00:12:07,798 Tito wants to meet up. 314 00:12:07,882 --> 00:12:09,340 Great! Tell him to meet us over here. 315 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,050 We'll get him a lobster and a robe. 316 00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:14,346 I mean, no, let's go catch him in the act. 317 00:12:16,472 --> 00:12:18,473 Sarge, I'm freaking out 318 00:12:18,557 --> 00:12:20,433 about my gift that's not technically a gift. 319 00:12:20,517 --> 00:12:22,143 Somehow that doesn't surprise me. 320 00:12:22,227 --> 00:12:24,770 Something horrible's happened and I don't know what to do. 321 00:12:24,854 --> 00:12:27,439 Has Captain Holt ever told you about the Brooklyn Broiler? 322 00:12:27,523 --> 00:12:31,860 Yeah. Arsonist. Burned down 12 buildings in Crown Heights. 323 00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:34,135 Captain's told me about it many times. 324 00:12:35,072 --> 00:12:36,448 You flamed out. 325 00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:39,950 Dirtbag. 326 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:43,579 Well, I think the Captain may have made a mistake. 327 00:12:44,288 --> 00:12:45,496 What are you talking about? 328 00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:47,373 I was doing follow up research on the case 329 00:12:47,457 --> 00:12:49,166 for a fun "where are they now?" section, 330 00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:51,544 and I don't think the Broiler set three of the fires 331 00:12:51,628 --> 00:12:52,669 he was charged with. 332 00:12:52,753 --> 00:12:55,088 I gotta tell the Captain. Do you think he'll be upset? 333 00:12:55,172 --> 00:12:58,425 Probably not. I mean, he seems like the kind of laid-back guy 334 00:12:58,509 --> 00:13:00,676 who delights in having his mistakes exposed. 335 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,219 [GROANS] Maybe next year, 336 00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:05,181 you can do a collage about low points in his marriage. 337 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,016 I know you're being sarcastic, Sarge, 338 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:08,950 but I really do love making collages. 339 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:12,895 DOUG: Ruiz's bodyguards. 340 00:13:12,979 --> 00:13:15,773 Prepare to be touched in some real intimate places. 341 00:13:16,899 --> 00:13:17,941 Clean. 342 00:13:18,025 --> 00:13:20,236 Watch it. Where'd you get those shoes, man? 343 00:13:21,362 --> 00:13:22,404 There he is. 344 00:13:22,695 --> 00:13:24,196 Tito. What's up, my man? 345 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,491 Doug Judy. Who are they? 346 00:13:26,699 --> 00:13:28,243 That's my bodyguard, Selena. 347 00:13:28,785 --> 00:13:30,244 We doing it on the D. I. 348 00:13:30,452 --> 00:13:32,329 He's an amazing lover. I'm pregnant. 349 00:13:32,538 --> 00:13:34,540 Aw, nice! 350 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,875 And this here is my partner, Dante Thunderstone. 351 00:13:37,959 --> 00:13:39,961 The one and only. Braat, braat, braat. 352 00:13:41,504 --> 00:13:43,546 Okay, Judy. If we're gonna do business, 353 00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:45,381 I gotta see how good you really are. 354 00:13:45,465 --> 00:13:48,218 This is a test. Go jack that car right now. 355 00:13:48,635 --> 00:13:49,678 Give him the tools. 356 00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:53,221 No worries. 357 00:13:53,305 --> 00:13:56,100 That is a cinch to pinch. 358 00:13:57,101 --> 00:13:58,893 [SOFTLY] There's no way you're getting in that car alone. 359 00:13:58,977 --> 00:14:01,312 Hey, where are you going, Thunderstone? 360 00:14:01,396 --> 00:14:02,438 PERALTA: To steal the car. 361 00:14:02,522 --> 00:14:04,691 I jack the rides, Judy holds my tools. 362 00:14:04,983 --> 00:14:06,941 Fine. Then you have two minutes. 363 00:14:07,025 --> 00:14:08,193 Only need one. 364 00:14:09,194 --> 00:14:11,613 That was tight. You played him like a boss. 365 00:14:11,697 --> 00:14:14,747 Thanks. Now I just need to magically learn how to steal a car. 366 00:14:14,949 --> 00:14:15,992 Braat, braat. 367 00:14:19,328 --> 00:14:21,496 Okay, okay. All I have to do is break into this car 368 00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:22,622 and drive it away without a key. 369 00:14:22,706 --> 00:14:24,040 -Something wrong? -PERALTA: Nope! 370 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:26,460 Just, uh, warming up my stealing fingies! 371 00:14:26,877 --> 00:14:29,128 Relax, Thunderstone. It's easy. Here. 372 00:14:30,045 --> 00:14:31,088 What are you talking about? 373 00:14:31,172 --> 00:14:34,340 Oh, just, uh, telling Thunderstone how I move it on the dance floor. 374 00:14:34,424 --> 00:14:36,884 Yeah. I always start with a side to side sway. 375 00:14:36,968 --> 00:14:40,554 Real smooth, real slow. Real smooth and real slow. 376 00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:41,805 But when I feel that groove, 377 00:14:41,889 --> 00:14:42,931 I pop it. Hot! 378 00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,057 [GRUNTS] Yeah! 379 00:14:44,141 --> 00:14:45,683 And I pull it. Pull it back. Yeah! 380 00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:47,268 Pull it back hard. Whoo! 381 00:14:47,352 --> 00:14:48,520 Yeah. [LAUGHS] 382 00:14:48,604 --> 00:14:50,855 Yes, I love the way you dance, Doug Judy. 383 00:14:52,064 --> 00:14:55,567 All right. This next part is like French kissing. 384 00:14:55,651 --> 00:14:58,101 Got it. Jam it in there and move it around wildly. 385 00:14:58,361 --> 00:14:59,737 I gotta ask, Peralta, 386 00:14:59,821 --> 00:15:01,739 do the ladies enjoy that technique? 387 00:15:01,823 --> 00:15:02,949 Ten seconds! 388 00:15:03,282 --> 00:15:04,325 Come on. 389 00:15:06,202 --> 00:15:07,828 -[ENGINE STARTING] -PERALTA: Ah, yes! 390 00:15:07,912 --> 00:15:09,413 Oh! 391 00:15:09,497 --> 00:15:10,538 Okay, let's go. 392 00:15:12,749 --> 00:15:17,211 Thank you, Charles, Regina, for inviting us on this double date. 393 00:15:17,295 --> 00:15:20,672 It's kinda like a fun Christmas four-way, right? 394 00:15:20,756 --> 00:15:21,923 Well put, Lynn. Yeah. 395 00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:23,591 DARLENE: A very sweet sentiment. 396 00:15:23,675 --> 00:15:26,844 Oh, my God! I have an idea. Let's open presents! Okay. 397 00:15:26,928 --> 00:15:29,304 Oh. I wanna see what everyone got everyone 398 00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,181 and how everyone reacts poorly. 399 00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:33,934 Fun, fun. I just hope you like it. I don't know. 400 00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,438 A digital scale? 401 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,690 Lynn Boyle, you're a horrible, horrible man. 402 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,401 You went way over our price limit. 403 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,944 Yes, I did. And I love it! 404 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,863 Yay. It's gonna go so great in the guest bathroom! 405 00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:49,989 What? What? 406 00:15:50,073 --> 00:15:51,782 Lynn and I are moving in together. Mmm-hmm. 407 00:15:51,866 --> 00:15:53,159 And the rent's a little steep, 408 00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:56,495 so we promised we would only exchange small gifts. Mmm-hmm. 409 00:15:56,870 --> 00:16:00,748 But you had to push it, didn't you, you naughty boy? I did. [CHUCKLING] 410 00:16:00,832 --> 00:16:03,960 I had to get my pookums a present, pookums. 411 00:16:04,544 --> 00:16:07,379 Okay. Well, this is wonderful. 412 00:16:07,463 --> 00:16:09,464 But I am needed elsewhere. 413 00:16:09,548 --> 00:16:11,507 So, I'm going to take off now. 414 00:16:11,591 --> 00:16:12,842 Thank you so much. 415 00:16:15,345 --> 00:16:18,430 Nog, nog. A little Christmas humor. [CHUCKLING] 416 00:16:18,514 --> 00:16:19,639 Yes, the "nog" from "egg nog", 417 00:16:19,723 --> 00:16:20,973 used in place of "knock". 418 00:16:21,183 --> 00:16:23,184 I stand corrected. He loved it. 419 00:16:23,685 --> 00:16:26,228 So, I was just looking through some old files 420 00:16:26,312 --> 00:16:29,648 and I think I may have found a mistake in a closed case. Which one? 421 00:16:29,732 --> 00:16:32,358 It was… Actually, now that I think of it… 422 00:16:32,442 --> 00:16:34,527 If I'm remembering correctly, and… [EXHALES] 423 00:16:34,611 --> 00:16:36,988 I could be wrong on this, but.. . It's the Brooklyn Broiler. 424 00:16:37,072 --> 00:16:38,989 What? That dirtbag flamed out ages ago. 425 00:16:39,073 --> 00:16:40,199 Why were you looking at that case? 426 00:16:40,283 --> 00:16:41,950 She was making you a gift. 427 00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,578 Not a gift, snitch. 428 00:16:43,744 --> 00:16:46,913 It didn't cost me anything, just my worthless man hours. 429 00:16:47,414 --> 00:16:49,416 "From Ray to Z"? 430 00:16:49,874 --> 00:16:51,374 I thought I told you no gifts. 431 00:16:51,626 --> 00:16:53,251 Take this away, and bring me the Broiler's file. 432 00:16:53,335 --> 00:16:54,503 I'll look into this mistake. 433 00:16:54,587 --> 00:16:56,546 Actually, the evidence is part of the scrapbook, 434 00:16:56,630 --> 00:16:57,923 so I have to leave the whole thing. 435 00:16:58,007 --> 00:17:01,007 Fine, I'll look at the relevant pages. But as for the rest… 436 00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:03,511 I will not peruse. 437 00:17:06,555 --> 00:17:08,848 Wow. Sweet set up. What do you make here? 438 00:17:08,932 --> 00:17:10,225 Don't worry about it. 439 00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:12,352 Oh, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. 440 00:17:12,436 --> 00:17:14,186 We need 20 cars a week. 441 00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:16,856 I want to use them each once, then dump 'em. 442 00:17:17,189 --> 00:17:19,358 Ah, well, you picked the right man. 443 00:17:19,692 --> 00:17:21,492 So are we gonna make a deal or what? 444 00:17:21,610 --> 00:17:23,310 Or do I need to talk to your boss? 445 00:17:23,612 --> 00:17:24,737 You can talk to me. 446 00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:26,489 So, you're the boss? Yeah. 447 00:17:26,573 --> 00:17:28,907 I'm the boss. And this is my place. 448 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:33,621 And in my place, people know they shouldn't ask dumb questions. Got it? 449 00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:35,746 Yeah, I got it. 450 00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:37,332 I tried to tell him, Tito. 451 00:17:38,499 --> 00:17:39,899 All right. Let's talk deets. 452 00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:45,755 Is that us? No! We gotta go right now! Go, go, go! 453 00:17:45,839 --> 00:17:47,341 OFFICER: On the ground! NYPD! 454 00:17:47,591 --> 00:17:48,967 NYPD! Nobody move! 455 00:17:49,593 --> 00:17:50,801 [GRUNTING] 456 00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:52,052 Diaz! Don't need help. 457 00:17:52,136 --> 00:17:54,513 Behind you! Bye, bye, Peralta. Here's your GPS. 458 00:17:54,972 --> 00:17:56,015 No! 459 00:17:58,516 --> 00:17:59,559 Let's go! 460 00:17:59,851 --> 00:18:01,686 Ah! [LAUGHS] I gotcha! 461 00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:04,120 Yeah, you did. But your boy Tito's getting away. 462 00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:10,027 Oh, damn it! Damn you, Doug Judy! 463 00:18:13,946 --> 00:18:16,949 I'll never forget you, Dante Thunderstone! 464 00:18:20,869 --> 00:18:22,079 [GRUNTING] 465 00:18:25,374 --> 00:18:27,375 You have the right to remain Doug Judy. 466 00:18:27,625 --> 00:18:30,975 Anything you Doug or Judy can be used against you in a Doug of Judy. 467 00:18:31,212 --> 00:18:34,714 Sorry, I'm preoccupied by someone who will remain nameless. 468 00:18:34,798 --> 00:18:35,840 I'll start over. 469 00:18:38,343 --> 00:18:39,386 Santiago. 470 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,595 I want to thank you for my gift. 471 00:18:41,679 --> 00:18:42,971 You like the scrapbook? 472 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:47,059 I don't know. I'm a man of my word, so I did not peruse. 473 00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:50,034 The gift I'm referring to was you pointing out my mistake. 474 00:18:50,228 --> 00:18:52,355 Do you know why I don't accept gifts? 475 00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:55,189 Because you're so evolved, you don't need material things? 476 00:18:55,273 --> 00:18:56,441 Because I don't like brown-nosing. 477 00:18:56,525 --> 00:18:59,110 Oh. Youch. That was hard to watch. 478 00:18:59,194 --> 00:19:00,903 You told me to my face that I made a mistake, 479 00:19:00,987 --> 00:19:03,238 and that's as far from brown-nosing as one can get. 480 00:19:03,322 --> 00:19:04,406 I respect you for that. 481 00:19:04,490 --> 00:19:05,616 Now, I have a gift for you. 482 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,827 I have the complete Brooklyn Broiler files. 483 00:19:07,952 --> 00:19:09,411 He was give three life sentences, 484 00:19:09,495 --> 00:19:10,536 and it should have been two. 485 00:19:10,620 --> 00:19:13,164 So I've already contacted the DA about the error. 486 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,875 Will you please help me figure out who set those other fires? 487 00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:18,335 Ooh! More work! 488 00:19:18,961 --> 00:19:20,795 I know that sounded sarcastic, but… 489 00:19:20,879 --> 00:19:22,672 Nobody thought that. Not for a moment. 490 00:19:22,756 --> 00:19:23,799 Great. 491 00:19:25,174 --> 00:19:26,217 [MOUTHING] 492 00:19:28,553 --> 00:19:31,055 Chaz-ma-taz! How we doin', baby? 493 00:19:31,139 --> 00:19:33,097 [CHUCKLING] I thought you'd be in an awful mood. 494 00:19:33,181 --> 00:19:35,808 Why would I be upset when I've never had more purpose 495 00:19:35,892 --> 00:19:37,310 in my entire life? 496 00:19:37,519 --> 00:19:38,603 Are you gonna poison my dad? 497 00:19:38,687 --> 00:19:40,604 No! Our parents say they're in love, 498 00:19:40,688 --> 00:19:42,397 but we both know that's just their 499 00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:44,400 old brains disintegrating. 500 00:19:44,608 --> 00:19:46,192 We need to break them up. 501 00:19:46,276 --> 00:19:48,737 For their sake, for our sake, 502 00:19:48,945 --> 00:19:51,239 for the sake of this great nation. 503 00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,032 Agreed. 504 00:19:53,907 --> 00:19:57,703 Ew. I forgot how clammy your hands are. 505 00:19:57,870 --> 00:20:00,288 [GASPS] Mood unaffected. 506 00:20:00,372 --> 00:20:01,664 Oh. Mood unaffected. 507 00:20:02,457 --> 00:20:04,459 HOLT: Attention, please! Attention! 508 00:20:04,917 --> 00:20:09,087 I'm sorry to interrupt your holiday revelry. It truly is a fun night. 509 00:20:09,296 --> 00:20:12,882 I'd like to propose a toast to Detective Diaz and her task force, 510 00:20:12,966 --> 00:20:17,469 who successfully brought down Tito Ruiz and his entire giggle pig network. 511 00:20:17,553 --> 00:20:19,012 Great work everyone, drink up! 512 00:20:19,096 --> 00:20:20,806 ALL: Yeah! 513 00:20:23,558 --> 00:20:25,559 Hey. So, I checked again. 514 00:20:25,643 --> 00:20:26,977 Doug Judy still hasn't surfaced. 515 00:20:27,061 --> 00:20:29,855 Yeah, he has. He just sent me this. 516 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,111 What's up, Peralta? Greetings from paradise. 517 00:20:36,487 --> 00:20:38,737 Actually, I'm a little disappointed in the hotel. 518 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,155 How do you mess up an omelet? 519 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,116 It's just a flat egg. 520 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,784 He pretty much just talks about the omelet for the next 10 minutes. 521 00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:47,037 But… About my escape. 522 00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:49,039 This is my associate, Kyle. 523 00:20:51,916 --> 00:20:52,958 He drove the garbage truck. 524 00:20:53,042 --> 00:20:54,983 You may also remember him as the room 525 00:20:55,067 --> 00:20:57,421 service waiter I had you tip so generously. 526 00:20:57,755 --> 00:20:59,047 Son of a bitch. 527 00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:02,758 Yep. And when he ordered the lobster, it was code for Kyle to follow him. 528 00:21:02,842 --> 00:21:05,386 Anyway, tell Diaz she loves me. Merry Christmas. 529 00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:06,720 [SIGHS] 530 00:21:06,804 --> 00:21:08,054 Hey. First things first, 531 00:21:08,138 --> 00:21:10,724 I swear to you we are gonna catch Doug Judy. 532 00:21:10,808 --> 00:21:12,058 Yeah, I know. 533 00:21:12,142 --> 00:21:13,517 We did it once, we can do it again. 534 00:21:13,601 --> 00:21:15,645 No. We will catch him. 535 00:21:15,937 --> 00:21:17,480 More importantly, thank you. 536 00:21:18,105 --> 00:21:19,148 I know how hard that was 537 00:21:19,232 --> 00:21:20,857 to make that choice and let him get away. 538 00:21:20,941 --> 00:21:22,651 No. It was an easy call. 539 00:21:23,026 --> 00:21:24,819 I know how much this task force means to you. 540 00:21:24,903 --> 00:21:26,738 It means so much and it's been so stressful 541 00:21:26,822 --> 00:21:27,947 and it went so well. 542 00:21:28,364 --> 00:21:30,564 Seriously, look at me. I cannot stop smiling. 543 00:21:30,658 --> 00:21:32,608 How do people do this with their faces? 41006

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