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[MUSIC PLAYING]
2
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[INDISTINCT TALKING]
3
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-Excuse me, excuse me. Hi.
-[GLASS CLINKING]
4
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:11,712
I'm Jake Peralta.
5
00:00:11,796 --> 00:00:14,090
[CHEERING] All right, all right.
6
00:00:14,174 --> 00:00:16,300
I'm so thrilled to be here today.
7
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As many of you may
know, I used to be a cop.
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[GUESTS BOOING]
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Hey, I was dirty. I took tons of bribes.
10
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[LAUGHING]
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But as a former detective, uh,
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00:00:26,811 --> 00:00:28,911
I know a thing or two
about life sentences.
13
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:32,232
And, Angie, Marco,
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you just got slapped
15
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with the best life sentence there is.
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-Marriage.
-GUESTS: Aw.
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00:00:39,615 --> 00:00:43,827
To Angie and Marco, make
us proud, have a son. Salud!
18
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:45,036
GUESTS: Salud!
19
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,498
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
20
00:00:49,874 --> 00:00:51,584
Hey, I love the spray tan, Joey.
21
00:00:51,668 --> 00:00:52,918
Hey, let me take a picture of you.
22
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I want to show this color to
the guy who stains my deck.
23
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[LAUGHS]
24
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Congratulations, Tony.
It's a beautiful night.
25
00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:01,969
Hey. You're one of us now.
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[CHUCKLES] Do you know
how long I've been waiting
27
00:01:05,181 --> 00:01:06,640
for one of you old men to kiss me?
28
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He's a good kid.
29
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I've got to say, out of the four of
you, I think Vito's the best kisser.
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[LAUGHING]
31
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Ah, what a wedding, huh?
32
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Although the meatballs were a little dry.
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Dry meatballs.
34
00:01:20,904 --> 00:01:22,113
That's Peralta's signal. Let's go!
35
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Let's go! Let's go!
36
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Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Come on! Let's go!
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Stay where you are. Hands on your head!
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-Stay where you are. Hands on your head!
-[WOMEN SCREAMING]
39
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Whoa! Whoa! Wait! Stop!
40
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[GRUNTS]
41
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Nobody say anything. Nobody talk.
42
00:01:39,922 --> 00:01:41,922
Get your hands off of me, you piece of…
43
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Hey, Captain Holt. Long time, no see.
44
00:01:45,136 --> 00:01:47,596
How ya doin'?
This is not the time, Peralta.
45
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Oh, yeah, that's the stuff. [SIGHS]
46
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I've missed us.
47
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
48
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He's here. He's here. Jake's here.
49
00:02:16,790 --> 00:02:19,834
Okay. Let's do the prank where
we don't even acknowledge him
50
00:02:19,918 --> 00:02:21,002
when he comes in, okay?
51
00:02:21,086 --> 00:02:22,629
Shh! Shh! Everyone, shh…
52
00:02:23,714 --> 00:02:25,215
Back in the Nine-Nine!
53
00:02:25,299 --> 00:02:28,760
Whoo! Jake. Jake. Jake. Jake.
54
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Played to perfection, Charles.
55
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God, I missed this place.
56
00:02:32,972 --> 00:02:35,432
Let me just soak it in. [INHALES DEEPLY]
57
00:02:35,516 --> 00:02:36,934
Oh, yeah! Stale coffee,
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00:02:37,018 --> 00:02:38,185
fingerprinting ink,
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00:02:38,269 --> 00:02:39,728
whatever Charles is
fermenting in his desk.
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00:02:39,812 --> 00:02:40,854
Beans. Beans.
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00:02:40,938 --> 00:02:41,939
It's like I never left.
62
00:02:42,023 --> 00:02:43,023
All right, fill me in.
63
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Tell me everything I missed.
64
00:02:44,192 --> 00:02:45,526
It won't take long.
Only three things happened.
65
00:02:45,610 --> 00:02:47,403
Terry chipped his tooth
and had a lisp for a week.
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00:02:47,487 --> 00:02:49,320
-[LISPING] Listen up, Steven.
-[SCOFFS]
67
00:02:49,404 --> 00:02:51,364
I'm sorry, did I say
something amusing to you?
68
00:02:51,448 --> 00:02:53,158
Answer me, you son of a bitch!
69
00:02:53,575 --> 00:02:57,078
Number two, Santiago and Boyle
wore the same outfit to work one day.
70
00:03:00,457 --> 00:03:02,459
How does it look better on you?
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00:03:03,335 --> 00:03:06,835
And Captain banned headphones
from the office due to the Gina incident.
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00:03:07,296 --> 00:03:10,800
[POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES]
73
00:03:11,217 --> 00:03:12,300
Great recap.
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00:03:12,384 --> 00:03:14,261
HOLT: Welcome back, Peralta. Captain.
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Everyone has a lot of work,
76
00:03:16,388 --> 00:03:17,556
so you have exactly two minutes
77
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to share personal anecdotes.
78
00:03:18,891 --> 00:03:20,308
Those two minutes began when you entered.
79
00:03:20,392 --> 00:03:23,103
You now have… 12 seconds left.
80
00:03:23,187 --> 00:03:25,605
Challenge accepted.
Undercover highlights.
81
00:03:25,689 --> 00:03:26,773
Fixed a boxing match,
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00:03:26,857 --> 00:03:27,940
smoked a whole cigar without vomiting,
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00:03:28,024 --> 00:03:29,650
was once in a room
with 10 guys named Sal,
84
00:03:29,734 --> 00:03:30,735
and missed you all so very much.
85
00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:31,861
Everyone back to work!
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00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,196
All right, Jake.
87
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:38,117
Hey, so, we didn't
get a chance to say hi.
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Hi. Hi.
89
00:03:41,204 --> 00:03:42,854
Can we talk in private for a sec?
90
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:49,044
Okay, so, now that we are alone,
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00:03:50,003 --> 00:03:51,338
I have to ask.
92
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,842
Did you arrest a perp named Joe Uterus?
93
00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:56,677
[SIGHS]
94
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Oh, my God, yes.
95
00:03:58,178 --> 00:03:59,828
I should've told you immediately.
96
00:04:00,013 --> 00:04:02,098
Perp Name Hall of Fame, right? Oh, yeah.
97
00:04:02,182 --> 00:04:03,767
First ballot.
I mean, that's right up there with
98
00:04:03,851 --> 00:04:05,810
Sylvester Stools and Janet Storkmuncher.
99
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[BOTH CHUCKLE]
100
00:04:07,728 --> 00:04:10,106
Uh, but, also, I just…
101
00:04:10,690 --> 00:04:12,390
I know we left things kinda weird.
102
00:04:13,317 --> 00:04:15,110
You know, me saying that I liked you…
103
00:04:15,194 --> 00:04:18,155
I'm still with Teddy. Romantic styles.
104
00:04:18,698 --> 00:04:22,117
Oh, good. Good. 'Cause I was gonna say,
105
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I know we left things weird,
106
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'cause I said that I liked you.
107
00:04:25,037 --> 00:04:26,662
But that was a mistake. You know?
108
00:04:26,746 --> 00:04:28,498
I was nervous about going undercover.
109
00:04:28,582 --> 00:04:29,916
And I think I just kind of freaked out,
110
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and you were nearby, so…
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I didn't mean it.
112
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But, that's great. Good.
113
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Hey! So, Joe Uterus, what did he do?
114
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Killed a bunch of stray dogs.
115
00:04:40,719 --> 00:04:42,929
Huh. Name's funnier than the story.
116
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:47,480
There's a confused old woman
here who wants to talk to a detective.
117
00:04:48,684 --> 00:04:50,977
Oh, come on. Another drill?
118
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Hello. My name is Adelaide.
119
00:04:53,731 --> 00:04:55,316
I'd like to report a crime.
120
00:04:55,691 --> 00:04:57,791
So we're just doing
one of these every day?
121
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Oh, you got it!
122
00:04:59,236 --> 00:05:02,781
I know you got it. I want my money.
123
00:05:03,616 --> 00:05:06,743
Tick, tick, tick. Tick, tick, tick, tick.
124
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Why are we doing this?
125
00:05:09,537 --> 00:05:12,873
It's Captain's orders.
My name is Adelaide Van Hoyt,
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I'm 89 years old,
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and I'm here to report a crime.
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Not a problem. We can help you.
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Adelaide Van Hoyt, 89 years old.
130
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Goatee, 6'3", 290 pounds.
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Hey! This is a tight 240.
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Show Adelaide some damn respect.
133
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[SIGHING]
134
00:05:35,020 --> 00:05:38,356
Hey, Charles.
You pretty excited about Jake being back?
135
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Yeah. It's like when I was a kid and my
grandma came home from the hospital,
136
00:05:41,985 --> 00:05:44,445
only better, because
Jake's not unresponsive.
137
00:05:44,529 --> 00:05:48,658
Ah. Every time you talk, I hear that
sound that plays when Pac-Man dies.
138
00:05:49,533 --> 00:05:52,983
Charles, I'm concerned that you're
gonna tell Jake about the incident.
139
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[BOTH SCREAMING]
140
00:05:55,748 --> 00:05:59,293
Nobody can ever know
that we had sex, all right?
141
00:05:59,377 --> 00:06:02,045
I have spent years
cultivating a reputation
142
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,382
as someone who sleeps
with bike messengers,
143
00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:05,923
or better.
144
00:06:06,007 --> 00:06:08,657
Look, I don't want people
finding out about it either.
145
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,803
I don't want to be
known as the office slut.
146
00:06:10,887 --> 00:06:13,222
Yeah, well, Jake's back
and you tell him everything.
147
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:14,349
No, I don't.
148
00:06:15,016 --> 00:06:18,116
I got aroused last night watching
a nature documentary on bees.
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00:06:18,395 --> 00:06:20,495
I was fine until they
went inside the hive.
150
00:06:21,690 --> 00:06:23,540
Oh, you're right. I'm gonna tell him.
151
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,568
It might not be today, it
might not be tomorrow…
152
00:06:26,652 --> 00:06:28,236
It definitely won't be
later than tomorrow.
153
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,320
So, pretty much today or tomorrow, then.
154
00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:35,744
Peralta. Special Agent Marx
is here to make your transfer
155
00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:37,537
back to the NYPD official.
156
00:06:37,621 --> 00:06:41,458
And on behalf of the Bureau, I wanted
to personally thank you for your service.
157
00:06:41,542 --> 00:06:45,461
Bureau. That's FBI lingo for FBI.
158
00:06:45,878 --> 00:06:48,923
Yes. I've been a cop for 30 years.
And I've seen movies.
159
00:06:49,132 --> 00:06:50,174
Roger that.
160
00:06:50,258 --> 00:06:52,676
You'll be happy to know
that the operation turned out
161
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,971
to be one of the biggest
RICO busts of all time.
162
00:06:56,055 --> 00:07:00,309
RICO stands for Racketeering
Investigative Cop Awesome.
163
00:07:00,935 --> 00:07:04,145
I have to ask.
Do you think awesome begins with an "O"?
164
00:07:04,229 --> 00:07:06,815
Yes.
Fifteen of sixteen targets are in custody.
165
00:07:06,982 --> 00:07:08,107
Wait. Who got away?
166
00:07:08,191 --> 00:07:10,105
Freddy Maliardi. Tac team screwed up, hit
167
00:07:10,189 --> 00:07:12,236
his apartment up a
couple of minutes late,
168
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,030
and he disappeared.
169
00:07:14,114 --> 00:07:16,449
But Freddy's, like, the
worst of all those guys.
170
00:07:16,533 --> 00:07:18,702
Extortion, terrible breath, murder…
171
00:07:19,286 --> 00:07:21,245
I put terrible breath
too high on that list.
172
00:07:21,329 --> 00:07:23,956
I should go back undercover, see if any
of my contacts can tell me where he is.
173
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,624
No. They're looking for a rat.
174
00:07:25,708 --> 00:07:27,918
And as a former cop, there's
no way they're gonna trust you.
175
00:07:28,002 --> 00:07:29,202
I guarantee you they do.
176
00:07:30,004 --> 00:07:32,673
Me and those guys went
through some pretty intense stuff.
177
00:07:32,757 --> 00:07:36,093
ALL: ♪ Sing us a song
you're the piano man… ♪
178
00:07:36,719 --> 00:07:40,180
In the mafia, once you "Joel"
together, you're bonded for life.
179
00:07:40,264 --> 00:07:44,016
Look, you know those guys, but
I just think this is too big of a risk.
180
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:47,750
There's nothing you can do. Sometimes
things are just out of your control.
181
00:07:49,647 --> 00:07:50,815
Not good enough.
182
00:07:53,193 --> 00:07:54,986
Boyle, we're going undercover.
183
00:07:55,361 --> 00:07:58,239
You look amazing.
But you smell really bad.
184
00:07:58,531 --> 00:08:01,409
That's my cologne. Welcome to the mafia.
185
00:08:05,412 --> 00:08:07,122
Okay. If Freddy's still in town,
186
00:08:07,206 --> 00:08:08,707
Benny De Conti will know about it.
187
00:08:08,791 --> 00:08:10,083
He owns the restaurant they all eat at.
188
00:08:10,167 --> 00:08:11,793
He knows everything about everything.
189
00:08:11,877 --> 00:08:16,340
Good. Hey, when you were undercover,
did you, like, have a mafia best friend?
190
00:08:16,715 --> 00:08:18,133
I'm not jealous, I'm just wondering.
191
00:08:18,217 --> 00:08:21,767
Uh, I don't know. I guess, I did a
bunch of jobs with a guy named Derek.
192
00:08:21,887 --> 00:08:25,640
Great. Great. Derek.
Sounds like a great guy.
193
00:08:25,932 --> 00:08:27,474
Charles, don't do this
to yourself, all right?
194
00:08:27,558 --> 00:08:30,310
Okay, fine. All right.
So we're going to the restaurant.
195
00:08:30,394 --> 00:08:32,044
What's my cover? Am I in the mob?
196
00:08:32,271 --> 00:08:33,871
Ooh! I've got the perfect thing!
197
00:08:34,398 --> 00:08:35,566
A sun hat?
198
00:08:35,942 --> 00:08:38,736
[DEEP VOICE] Mafia.
No, just be yourself, a cop.
199
00:08:39,153 --> 00:08:40,195
Benny might think I'm a rat,
200
00:08:40,279 --> 00:08:41,697
so I'll go in and talk to him,
201
00:08:41,781 --> 00:08:43,489
then you come in a minute
later with your badge out,
202
00:08:43,573 --> 00:08:45,575
pick a fight with me,
and punch me in the face.
203
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,369
No! I could never hurt you, Jake.
204
00:08:47,702 --> 00:08:48,870
Well, you've got to hit me somewhere.
205
00:08:48,954 --> 00:08:50,413
Fine. It'll be the balls then.
206
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,998
No! Just hit me in the face.
207
00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:54,208
Look, if it's so hard, imagine
I'm somebody you hate.
208
00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:56,044
Derek. I barely know him.
209
00:08:56,128 --> 00:08:57,337
Fine! Come on.
210
00:08:59,422 --> 00:09:02,424
Captain! We are done with the drill.
211
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:05,594
The old lady confessed to a 40-year-old
unsolved murder in Rhode Island.
212
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,012
We filled out the interstate file request
213
00:09:07,096 --> 00:09:08,764
and remanded her to the
custody of her daughter.
214
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:12,101
Adelaide has successfully
transformed back into a giant man, sir.
215
00:09:12,601 --> 00:09:14,228
Well done. Thank you.
216
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:16,980
[SIGHS] See? Instead of resisting,
217
00:09:17,064 --> 00:09:19,691
it's better to just put your
head down, get the job done,
218
00:09:19,775 --> 00:09:21,692
and then you can get on with your day.
219
00:09:21,776 --> 00:09:23,820
Hi. My name is Timmy and I'm lost.
220
00:09:24,404 --> 00:09:25,488
Son of a bitch!
221
00:09:25,655 --> 00:09:26,697
Captain,
222
00:09:26,781 --> 00:09:30,076
I hate to be harsh, but I think that
these drills are slightly unnecessary,
223
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,704
possibly, although you are the boss
and your judgment is impeccable.
224
00:09:33,788 --> 00:09:35,915
And I guess what I am
trying to say is thank you.
225
00:09:35,999 --> 00:09:37,875
I agree. With the stuff about the drills,
226
00:09:37,959 --> 00:09:39,459
not the spineless ass-kissing.
227
00:09:39,794 --> 00:09:42,962
Sir, I think it would help if we
knew why we were doing these drills.
228
00:09:43,046 --> 00:09:46,216
Because I ordered you to.
Resume the drill, Timmy.
229
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:47,717
And do not do or say anything
230
00:09:47,801 --> 00:09:49,803
that a 7-year-old boy
would not do or say.
231
00:09:49,887 --> 00:09:51,888
Feel free to consult
the script I've prepared.
232
00:09:51,972 --> 00:09:54,558
Okay. But, uh, it's a little stilted.
233
00:09:55,726 --> 00:09:59,126
"I am feeling trepidation at the
prospect of a parentless existence"?
234
00:09:59,646 --> 00:10:00,938
No kid talks like that.
235
00:10:01,022 --> 00:10:03,822
Those lines were lifted,
verbatim, from my boyhood diary.
236
00:10:04,025 --> 00:10:05,109
Resume the drill!
237
00:10:08,112 --> 00:10:10,012
-Benny.
-BENNY: What are you doing here?
238
00:10:10,323 --> 00:10:12,241
Not for nothing, I
heard you were arrested.
239
00:10:12,325 --> 00:10:13,784
I made bail. Hmm.
240
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:15,744
Look, I'm looking for Freddy.
Have you seen him?
241
00:10:15,828 --> 00:10:18,122
It's funny.
A lot of people are looking for that guy.
242
00:10:18,206 --> 00:10:22,083
A lot of cops, especially.
Didn't you used to be a cop, Jake?
243
00:10:23,835 --> 00:10:26,087
[CHUCKLING] I'm just kidding, man.
244
00:10:26,171 --> 00:10:28,506
I know you. We sang Piano Man together.
245
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:29,632
This guy.
246
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:30,816
I got you. You got me.
247
00:10:31,176 --> 00:10:34,012
-You got me.
-[LAUGHING] Yes, you, I got. Yeah.
248
00:10:34,137 --> 00:10:37,974
Look, I can't tell you where Freddy
is, but I can tell you his girl, Bianca,
249
00:10:38,058 --> 00:10:42,937
just called in to have Freddy's
regular order delivered to her address.
250
00:10:44,104 --> 00:10:46,815
Thank you so much. See you.
251
00:10:47,274 --> 00:10:49,735
Well, if it isn't Jake Peralta,
252
00:10:49,985 --> 00:10:51,487
mafia crap-bag.
253
00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:55,407
Get out of here, Boyle. I know that we
used to be friends and during that time,
254
00:10:55,491 --> 00:10:57,033
we would do all kinds of things together,
255
00:10:57,117 --> 00:10:59,119
like make plans, but that
has changed, all right?
256
00:10:59,203 --> 00:11:00,828
Ow! Ow!
257
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,665
-Now the balls.
-What? Oh! [GROANING]
258
00:11:09,128 --> 00:11:11,881
What's going on?
You never eat with us. Or talk to us.
259
00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:13,841
I accidentally smiled at you last week,
260
00:11:13,925 --> 00:11:16,427
and you shined a laser pointer
into my eye and screamed "perv".
261
00:11:16,511 --> 00:11:18,929
Yeah, well, something
is about to be revealed,
262
00:11:19,013 --> 00:11:21,682
that's gonna change my
social standing forever.
263
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:23,725
I'm one of you now.
264
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:28,563
Prettier and different
and better, but one of you.
265
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,107
This is great! With three people,
266
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,068
we can have a real massage train now.
267
00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,028
Ugh!
268
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,571
BOYLE: I'm so sorry.
269
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,865
What the hell, Boyle?
What the hell happened?
270
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:40,657
[STUTTERING] I was
stressed about hitting you,
271
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:43,994
and my mind dissociated from my body.
I don't even know what I did.
272
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,245
Oh, well, let me remind you.
273
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:48,229
You punched me, kicked me,
spat on me, and then you said…
274
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,241
There's more where that came from.
275
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,628
I got a real wet mouth.
276
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,631
You gotta admit, it's
a pretty tough line.
277
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,799
No, it's not! It's weird and sexual,
278
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,175
and not in a good way.
279
00:11:59,259 --> 00:12:00,801
The only good news is
Benny couldn't possibly
280
00:12:00,885 --> 00:12:02,835
think we planned that. My cover's safe.
281
00:12:04,764 --> 00:12:05,932
Bianca lives here.
282
00:12:06,558 --> 00:12:08,309
I'm gonna go in alone. If I need backup,
283
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:09,936
I will hit the clicky button on my keys.
284
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,062
Copy that.
285
00:12:11,146 --> 00:12:12,563
Time to get back into character.
286
00:12:12,647 --> 00:12:13,732
Cologne me, bro.
287
00:12:14,607 --> 00:12:15,692
Okay. Here we go.
288
00:12:16,401 --> 00:12:17,860
[CRIES OUT] It stings! The cuts!
289
00:12:17,944 --> 00:12:18,985
It stings, stings!
290
00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:20,862
I can't stop hurting you.
What is wrong with me?
291
00:12:20,946 --> 00:12:22,156
[EXHALES]
292
00:12:22,448 --> 00:12:23,741
Okay, keep going. Okay.
293
00:12:24,241 --> 00:12:26,076
[GROANS] Sorry, sorry, sorry.
294
00:12:27,369 --> 00:12:29,121
I miss my mommy. This is boring.
295
00:12:29,413 --> 00:12:30,580
The Captain's not here, Sarge.
296
00:12:30,664 --> 00:12:31,706
You can drop the act.
297
00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:33,917
You can drop your butt.
298
00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:37,921
It's okay. I got this.
How about we finish building this tower?
299
00:12:38,379 --> 00:12:41,173
The structure's done, but we've
barely started on the landscaping.
300
00:12:41,257 --> 00:12:43,259
I wanna build a spaceship. [SCREAMING]
301
00:12:45,595 --> 00:12:49,098
I worked so hard on that.
There were stables.
302
00:12:49,307 --> 00:12:50,600
These toys suck!
303
00:12:51,309 --> 00:12:52,352
Okay.
304
00:12:53,019 --> 00:12:55,646
Then I'll get you some
better toys, Timmy.
305
00:12:56,481 --> 00:12:57,607
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
306
00:13:00,484 --> 00:13:02,694
Hello? Hey. You're Bianca, right?
307
00:13:02,778 --> 00:13:05,029
Mmm-hmm. I'm Jake.
I'm a friend of Freddy's from work.
308
00:13:05,113 --> 00:13:07,363
I'm looking for him.
Well, which Jake are you?
309
00:13:07,449 --> 00:13:09,899
Are you Jakey Lady Hands
or are you Jakey the Jew?
310
00:13:10,243 --> 00:13:13,037
Well, it feels weird saying
this, but I hope Jakey the Jew?
311
00:13:13,121 --> 00:13:14,706
Mmm-hmm. Jake Peralta.
312
00:13:15,332 --> 00:13:18,083
Freddy actually said I should
come by here if I was ever in trouble.
313
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:21,837
Oh, okay. Well, Freddy was here,
but he left. But come in, come on in.
314
00:13:22,296 --> 00:13:24,296
I've got the address somewhere. Hold on.
315
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,093
So, did he say where he was heading, or…
316
00:13:28,177 --> 00:13:30,554
I heard about you, Peralta.
I know you were the rat.
317
00:13:30,638 --> 00:13:32,138
Get 'em up! Get your hands up.
318
00:13:33,599 --> 00:13:35,851
[CHUCKLING] Yeah. Lady Hands.
319
00:13:39,396 --> 00:13:41,022
All right, just stay calm, Bianca.
320
00:13:41,106 --> 00:13:44,066
Empty your pockets.
Okay, reaching in. Pulling stuff out.
321
00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:46,902
I don't have a gun.
Just a wallet and some keys.
322
00:13:46,986 --> 00:13:48,112
Nothing strange about it, okay?
323
00:13:48,196 --> 00:13:49,488
-This is just the clicker for my car.
-[CLICKING]
324
00:13:49,572 --> 00:13:50,824
-[CAR LOCK BEEPING]
-Jake!
325
00:13:54,327 --> 00:13:55,662
Oh! Come on!
326
00:13:55,995 --> 00:13:59,164
It's not a weapon. Nothing bad's
gonna happen if I just click this.
327
00:13:59,248 --> 00:14:00,290
I know what a car key is.
328
00:14:00,374 --> 00:14:01,824
Yeah, these are them. I know!
329
00:14:02,376 --> 00:14:03,669
[CAR LOCK BEEPING]
330
00:14:05,754 --> 00:14:07,172
Oh, crap! My gun.
331
00:14:08,549 --> 00:14:09,925
Oh, come on!
332
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,219
Just set it down! Okay, don't shoot!
That's how people get shot.
333
00:14:13,303 --> 00:14:14,846
Just shut up. Shut up!
334
00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:16,348
-[DOOR CRASHING OPEN]
-NYPD. Drop your weapon!
335
00:14:16,432 --> 00:14:17,473
[SCREAMS]
336
00:14:17,849 --> 00:14:20,351
All right, Bianca, what do you
know about a guy named Derek?
337
00:14:20,435 --> 00:14:21,519
Charles. No.
338
00:14:22,270 --> 00:14:23,521
[DISTANT THUDDING]
339
00:14:28,651 --> 00:14:30,194
[SHRIEKING]
340
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:33,906
DIAZ: Jump, Timmy. Jump!
Now you're having fun.
341
00:14:34,198 --> 00:14:35,366
Sergeant!
342
00:14:35,950 --> 00:14:39,535
Captain, we were just… Timmy was cranky.
We're just letting him tire himself out.
343
00:14:39,619 --> 00:14:40,661
Okay, everybody out!
344
00:14:40,745 --> 00:14:41,788
SANTIAGO: Oh!
345
00:14:42,038 --> 00:14:44,040
-Okay.
-JEFFORDS: Okay, it's just…
346
00:14:44,124 --> 00:14:46,876
It's kind of difficult,
because of the deflating.
347
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,002
Out, now.
348
00:14:48,086 --> 00:14:50,922
Turn on the pump!
I'm very claustrophobic.
349
00:14:51,882 --> 00:14:53,216
Just tell us where Freddy is.
350
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:55,500
I'm not gonna sell out Freddy.
We're in love!
351
00:14:56,218 --> 00:14:59,118
He introduced me to his
children as his favorite assistant.
352
00:14:59,388 --> 00:15:02,432
Come on. He has a dozen
mistresses and six girlfriends.
353
00:15:02,516 --> 00:15:06,395
Freddy loved me. He implied that
many times. There's nobody else, okay?
354
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,690
Yeah, there is.
I just wish I could remember who.
355
00:15:10,232 --> 00:15:13,068
So many people were sleeping with each
other, it's kind of hard to keep track.
356
00:15:13,152 --> 00:15:14,986
Oh, I actually thought of a
song that helps me remember.
357
00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:16,237
Let's see, it goes…
358
00:15:16,738 --> 00:15:19,990
♪ Mario is doing it with Teresa ♪
359
00:15:20,074 --> 00:15:22,701
♪ Teresa is doing it with Paulie ♪
360
00:15:22,785 --> 00:15:23,828
I knew that.
361
00:15:23,912 --> 00:15:26,080
♪ Paulie is doing it with Lisa ♪
362
00:15:26,164 --> 00:15:28,833
♪ And Lisa's doing it with Anthony ♪
363
00:15:28,917 --> 00:15:30,835
I really like this song.
Did you come up with the melody?
364
00:15:30,919 --> 00:15:31,961
I'm pretty sure I did.
365
00:15:32,045 --> 00:15:35,256
♪ Freddy is cheating with Bianca G. ♪
366
00:15:35,589 --> 00:15:38,509
♪ But also with her
younger sister, Valerie ♪
367
00:15:38,884 --> 00:15:40,260
-No.
-Oh, yeah.
368
00:15:40,552 --> 00:15:42,679
I saw them together.
That's why it's in the song.
369
00:15:42,763 --> 00:15:45,390
I knew it! Oh, that son of a bitch!
370
00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:49,811
All right, fine.
He's going to the Teterboro Airport,
371
00:15:50,145 --> 00:15:52,105
because Freddy is going to Barbados.
372
00:15:52,314 --> 00:15:53,356
Oh. Well, well, well.
373
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,090
Good thing someone came prepared.
374
00:15:55,733 --> 00:15:57,276
We're not going to Barbados, Charles.
375
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:58,861
We're gonna stop the plane. Come on.
376
00:15:58,945 --> 00:16:00,295
All right, buddy, let's go.
377
00:16:03,032 --> 00:16:04,832
Oh, my God. What is on your sweater?
378
00:16:05,201 --> 00:16:09,956
As everyone knows, my spirit animal
is nature's greatest predator, the wolf.
379
00:16:10,540 --> 00:16:14,627
But I committed a horrible sexual
blunder and I'm no longer wolf worthy.
380
00:16:15,126 --> 00:16:18,964
My spirit animal is now
this, the naked mole rat.
381
00:16:19,339 --> 00:16:21,383
God's disgusting mistake.
382
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,426
Yeah, it's pretty ugly.
383
00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:26,387
Hey! Only I get to talk about
my spirit animal that way.
384
00:16:26,471 --> 00:16:29,558
You don't get to say that. Come on, Amy.
385
00:16:30,976 --> 00:16:32,602
You're not gonna apologize, Sergeant?
386
00:16:32,686 --> 00:16:35,145
No. I was trying to lighten the mood.
387
00:16:35,271 --> 00:16:37,772
The squad's been stressed
since these drills started.
388
00:16:37,856 --> 00:16:40,106
Plus, you ordered me
to act like a 7-year-old.
389
00:16:40,401 --> 00:16:41,818
7-year-olds like to have fun.
390
00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:42,944
That's true.
391
00:16:43,028 --> 00:16:45,363
When I was seven, I used to
sneak into my father's office,
392
00:16:45,447 --> 00:16:47,447
to see his collection of antique globes.
393
00:16:48,117 --> 00:16:50,785
Sir, it's hard to motivate the squad,
394
00:16:50,869 --> 00:16:53,469
when we don't even know
why we're doing these drills.
395
00:16:54,998 --> 00:16:56,248
This hasn't been announced yet,
396
00:16:56,332 --> 00:16:59,627
but there's going to be a new
commissioner in the NYPD.
397
00:17:00,211 --> 00:17:01,587
We're all gonna be under a microscope,
398
00:17:01,671 --> 00:17:03,923
and I want us to be
prepared for anything.
399
00:17:04,007 --> 00:17:05,341
You should have just told us that.
400
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,092
I was trying to shield you.
401
00:17:07,176 --> 00:17:09,094
Do you know how much
stress I've been under lately?
402
00:17:09,178 --> 00:17:11,578
My husband says he hasn't
seen me smile in weeks.
403
00:17:12,015 --> 00:17:14,641
How much did you smile before that?
Constantly.
404
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:17,769
I don't know what's going on
down at Police Headquarters,
405
00:17:17,853 --> 00:17:19,604
and no one will tell me anything.
406
00:17:19,688 --> 00:17:22,649
So you're saying that not
knowing what your bosses are up to
407
00:17:22,733 --> 00:17:24,233
is driving you a little crazy?
408
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,361
You've used my logic against me.
409
00:17:27,195 --> 00:17:30,282
Well played, Timmy. Well played.
410
00:17:30,741 --> 00:17:33,909
Thank you, sir.
Look at that, you helped me find my smile.
411
00:17:35,453 --> 00:17:36,954
[CAR TIRES SCREECHING]
412
00:17:40,416 --> 00:17:43,001
No, no, no, no, no! Damn it.
413
00:17:43,085 --> 00:17:44,336
What do you think you're doing?
414
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:46,964
Jake Peralta, NYPD.
I need you to shoot down that plane.
415
00:17:47,048 --> 00:17:48,341
I can't do that.
416
00:17:48,758 --> 00:17:51,343
Look, this man was on board.
I have to follow him,
417
00:17:51,427 --> 00:17:53,386
so I need to commandeer
one of these planes.
418
00:17:53,470 --> 00:17:55,555
What's the easiest one for
a complete beginner to fly?
419
00:17:55,639 --> 00:17:58,808
He wasn't on that plane.
That guy's plane left, like, an hour ago.
420
00:17:58,892 --> 00:18:01,061
Great. That's fantastic.
421
00:18:02,312 --> 00:18:04,648
Charles, may I borrow your hat, please?
Sure.
422
00:18:05,982 --> 00:18:07,108
[YELLS]
423
00:18:07,942 --> 00:18:10,528
It's all right.
High-tech rayon, it's fine.
424
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:16,966
Hey, buddy, what you doin'?
425
00:18:17,242 --> 00:18:18,702
I'm just cleaning up my desk,
426
00:18:18,786 --> 00:18:20,412
trying not to think about
how Freddy got away.
427
00:18:20,496 --> 00:18:23,206
Oh. I didn't let anyone touch
anything while you were gone.
428
00:18:23,290 --> 00:18:24,708
And that was a mistake.
429
00:18:24,792 --> 00:18:28,169
I left food everywhere. This drawer
is completely full of maggots now.
430
00:18:28,253 --> 00:18:30,089
Ugh. Wanna get a drink?
431
00:18:30,464 --> 00:18:33,914
No, I think I'm just gonna stay here
and stare into the maggot drawer.
432
00:18:34,050 --> 00:18:35,926
Hey, that's a good name
for a death metal song.
433
00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:39,305
[DEEP VOICE]
♪ Stare into the maggot drawer ♪
434
00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:40,431
You want to talk about it?
435
00:18:40,515 --> 00:18:41,974
My death metal album? Sure.
436
00:18:42,058 --> 00:18:43,309
I meant, do you want to
talk about what's wrong?
437
00:18:43,393 --> 00:18:45,561
There's nothing to talk about.
The operation was a failure.
438
00:18:45,645 --> 00:18:48,564
Jake, you put away 15
high ranking mafia guys.
439
00:18:48,648 --> 00:18:51,358
Yeah, and one of them got away.
It's a disgrace.
440
00:18:51,442 --> 00:18:52,692
You did everything you could.
441
00:18:52,776 --> 00:18:54,944
I mean, sometimes, there's
stuff you just can't control.
442
00:18:55,028 --> 00:18:56,487
Why does everyone keep saying that to me?
443
00:18:56,571 --> 00:18:58,072
You should be proud,
444
00:18:58,156 --> 00:18:59,656
you didn't hold anything back.
445
00:18:59,825 --> 00:19:03,787
Huh. I think I like this new forthright
and confident version of Charles.
446
00:19:04,204 --> 00:19:05,404
Let's go get that drink.
447
00:19:05,747 --> 00:19:07,874
Because there's a surprise party
and it's my job to get you to the bar.
448
00:19:07,958 --> 00:19:09,000
What?
449
00:19:09,084 --> 00:19:12,252
I mean, it's my job to get someone to
the bar for your surprise party. Damn it!
450
00:19:12,336 --> 00:19:13,421
There it is.
451
00:19:14,797 --> 00:19:16,256
HOLT: Aha! Surprise!
452
00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:17,967
-What?
-[ALL CHEERING]
453
00:19:18,259 --> 00:19:21,804
No way! I am floored by this.
454
00:19:21,971 --> 00:19:23,388
Charles, you tricked me.
455
00:19:23,472 --> 00:19:24,514
Boyle told you, didn't he?
456
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:25,974
Without any prompting.
457
00:19:26,058 --> 00:19:27,226
Welcome to your party.
458
00:19:27,810 --> 00:19:29,061
All right! [WHOOPING]
459
00:19:29,145 --> 00:19:30,687
Does anyone have a few
words they'd like to say?
460
00:19:30,771 --> 00:19:32,355
Uh-uh! No one say anything.
461
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:33,639
I want him to say stuff.
462
00:19:34,566 --> 00:19:36,734
[SOFTLY] Speech for Jake.
Speech for Jake. Go.
463
00:19:36,818 --> 00:19:40,321
Very well.
Uh, your six-month absence was noted. Yes.
464
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:43,908
Drinks are on me.
There's a two drink maximum per person.
465
00:19:43,992 --> 00:19:46,042
Ah, here he goes. It is non-transferable.
466
00:19:46,244 --> 00:19:48,204
Your guests will pay their own tab.
Oh, yeah.
467
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,456
Valet parking is not included.
Solid protocol.
468
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:52,999
Tomorrow's briefing will be
15 minutes earlier than usual.
469
00:19:53,083 --> 00:19:54,793
He is so bad ass. And…
470
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:58,297
I'm very proud of you, Peralta.
We missed you.
471
00:19:58,839 --> 00:20:01,675
Aw, you ruined it. To Jake.
472
00:20:01,759 --> 00:20:02,884
ALL: Jake!
473
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:07,430
Hey, I got you a drink.
Thanks. What is this?
474
00:20:07,514 --> 00:20:11,266
Champagne mixed with 30-year-old
Scotch and top-shelf tequila.
475
00:20:11,350 --> 00:20:12,643
Captain set a two drink max,
476
00:20:12,727 --> 00:20:14,854
but he did not set a price limit. Smart.
477
00:20:15,062 --> 00:20:16,189
Hmm.
478
00:20:17,732 --> 00:20:20,776
Oh, God. It's horrible. Yeah, I
shouldn't have added the olive juice.
479
00:20:20,860 --> 00:20:21,944
Ew.
480
00:20:22,278 --> 00:20:25,781
[EXHALES] Hey, so listen. The thing
I said to you before I went undercover,
481
00:20:25,865 --> 00:20:29,118
about how I wished something had
happened between us, romantically…
482
00:20:29,202 --> 00:20:31,411
That wasn't nothing. That was real.
483
00:20:32,037 --> 00:20:33,121
What are you saying?
484
00:20:33,663 --> 00:20:34,914
I know that you're with Teddy.
485
00:20:34,998 --> 00:20:36,124
I'm not trying to change that.
486
00:20:36,208 --> 00:20:38,459
And I get there's stuff I can't control.
487
00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:42,343
But this morning I told you that I
didn't mean any of it, and that was a lie.
488
00:20:42,714 --> 00:20:44,714
I just don't want to hold anything back.
489
00:20:45,759 --> 00:20:47,359
Well, thank you for saying that.
490
00:20:48,470 --> 00:20:52,270
Just as long as we're clear that I'm with
someone and nothing's gonna happen.
491
00:20:53,307 --> 00:20:55,976
I'm With Someone, Nothing's
Gonna Happen, name of your sex tape.
492
00:20:56,060 --> 00:20:57,102
He's back!
493
00:20:57,353 --> 00:20:58,395
[CHUCKLING]
494
00:21:01,315 --> 00:21:02,566
Neat sweater!
495
00:21:02,650 --> 00:21:04,484
Ugh. Did you tell Jake yet?
496
00:21:04,568 --> 00:21:05,986
Nope. Really?
497
00:21:06,070 --> 00:21:08,238
You told him about
his own surprise party.
498
00:21:08,322 --> 00:21:09,823
Mmm-hmm. First chance I got.
499
00:21:09,907 --> 00:21:12,491
But I had tons of
chances to tell him about
500
00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:14,535
what happened six
months ago, and I didn't.
501
00:21:14,619 --> 00:21:15,661
Why not?
502
00:21:15,745 --> 00:21:16,787
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
503
00:21:16,871 --> 00:21:18,080
Ew. Pump the brakes, Charles.
504
00:21:18,164 --> 00:21:19,206
Because I'm terrified of you
505
00:21:19,290 --> 00:21:20,540
and what you'll do to me.
506
00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:22,501
Oh. That's sweet.
507
00:21:22,585 --> 00:21:27,215
Well, then, sounds like
our nightmare is finally over.
508
00:21:28,883 --> 00:21:29,924
[BOTH SCREAMING]
509
00:21:30,008 --> 00:21:31,677
-What?
-[BOTH GROANING]
39476
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