All language subtitles for 10 Days in Sun City

[in Pidgin] Death is death.
No matter how it comes.

Kill me if you will.

But do me a favor,
send my corpse to Warri.

[whimpers] Akpos!

[gunshot]

[upbeat music playing]

-Monika Lewinsky!
-Look at my friend!

-Monika Lewinsky!
-Look at my friend!

[all laugh]

-Look at my friend!
-[in Pidgin] What's up?

Look at my friend! What's up?

Your house is beautiful.

[both vocalizing]

-Take it.
-Your father!

-[laughs]
-Look at my friend!

You've stylishly set yourself up.

-What's up?
-Leave me alone. Do you want to beat me?

You guys do so well in Lagos.
You do so well in Lagos.

Look at this place.

-Take it.
-Your father!

[laughing]

So you can't just tell your friend
that you've gotten an endorsement.

Hmm?

I didn't know you were married.

And you didn't tell us back home.
When did you get married?

Did you give me the husband?

Monika, do you live in this house
all by yourself?

Hmm. It's grape, not sugarcane.
Don't chew it recklessly.

-Quit asking dumb questions.
-[chuckles]

[chuckles] Your girlfriend...

is pretty.

Of course.

[chuckles]

She's my everything. This is Bianca.

Bianca.

Bianca is going to become
the next Queen of Nigeria.

And I am her manager.

With your carrot head.
What do you have to say?

-[in English] Bianca.
-Hmm?

-You are truly a very beautiful woman.
-Thank you.

I'll make sure you don't have
any problems at all.

-Akpos said you're very nice too.
-Of course I am. I mean... can't you see?

You know, Lagos is for very smart people.

And I see smartness
behind that beauty of yours.

Like you, I came to Lagos
three years ago with nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Look at me today.

You've done really well for yourself
in three years.

Mm-hmm.

And if you stick with me,
this will certainly be your story.

[Akpos] Monika.

[chuckles] Monika, Monika.

[in Pidgin] Hey, guy.
The name is now Monique.

We won't be deceived
with this re-branding in Lagos.

You know how we came up
with the name Lewinsky?

[in English] Akpos, point of correction.
I mean, a point of direction.

-[Akpos] Okay.
-My name is Monique, dude.

[in Pidgin] No more Lewinsky.

Let me tell my girlfriend about it.

Bianca, you know how we came up
with the name Lewinsky?

We caught Monika
inside an uncompleted building

making out with our friend Igho.

Making out?

Put your tongue back in your mouth.

-[all laughing]
-Put your tongue back in your mouth.

A cat that swims is not a catfish.
You want me to show you the door?

-[Akpos chuckles] Okay, I'm sorry.
-[babbling]

Monique, we are here to register Bianca
for the Queen of Nigeria pageant.

-Really?
-They sent us some information.

[in English]
I'm certain you will win.

[Akpos in Pidgin] Here's their address.
Can you take us there so we can register?

Locate the address.

I should take you there?

Dude.

You're always full of your empty self.

[Bianca laughs]

[speaking Pidgin]
You're always so full of yourself.

Huh?

There's something called a website
these days and you can register on it.

[upbeat music playing]

[in English]
Please, come with me.

-I came with someone.
-She asked me to bring you in.

[hip-hop music on TV]

[thud]

Ah...

[chuckles]

Welcome, welcome.

How are you?

Please, where is Monique?

Monique. Come and sit down.

You are beautiful.
You are beautiful.

I should have believed her
when she told me that you were stunning.

You are an epitome of beauty.
Sit down. Sit down.

[chuckles]

You see, I have...

That's the way I like them:

Young and pure.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

[cackling]

-Here.
-Please, what's this for?

Money.

I don't want your money.

See, let me tell you.

People like me, have done the work
that people like you should be doing.

[chuckles]

Come.

Ah-ah!

I like them young and restless.

The way you're going about this thing...

Exactly.

Ah! That is the way I like it.

[laughs] The way you... That...

Why are you running up and down?

See, I don't have the energy of Terry G
to be running up and down and up and down.

Uh-huh.

Just keep it simple.

I'm Mr. Easy.

See, come. Just let this thing
revolve around your bum bum.

[laughs] Come. Come. See...

[muttering]

[Bianca squeals]

Ah, hey!

[groans]

[whimpers]

Man! See, my guy!

Monika.

-Monika! Monika!
-Dude, dude, it's Monique!

[in Pidgin]
How many times do I have to tell you?

Monika, your father.

-Your father.
-Repeat it.

May God punish that Monique name.

You can be a monkey for all I care.

Are you insulting me?

-May God punish you, Monique!
-What?

You think everyone
is a prostitute like you?

May God punish you.

God, please punish this man's mouth.

This senseless fool...

I don't have the time to talk to any goat
in yellow. Do you understand?

I never knew.
I work very hard to make my money.

Is that why you've tried
to prostitute my girlfriend?

See this goat and his horns.

Your girlfriend? Look at this idiot.
Did you not say you're her manager?

And what difference does it make?

Please don't spit in my eye.

I cannot be moved by your threats.

Look how you open your nose like a hippo.
Just look at this guy!

Anyway, I don't have time
to argue with you. Do you understand?

Before I close my eyes
and open them again,

you and that senseless girl
should leave my house.

Wait a minute.

Is this what you call a house?

A place you got through prostitution.

Huh?

No problem.

If the both of you don't leave here
in two seconds,

you will get whatever is coming to you.

Wait. Is prostitution a job? Is this life?

-Whore. Prostitute. Promiscuous woman.
-[Monique mutters mockingly]

-Shameless.
-Look at you.

You don't have a drop of shame.

I've sold my shame
during the Warri crisis.

-I don't care what you think.
-Take a look at your life.

-Your father.
-Your real father.

[knocking]

[Akpos] Seyi!

Who's that?

[in Pidgin]
Seyi, it's your guy Akpos, from Warri.

Akpos...

What? Akpos!

Seyi, long story.
I'll tell you everything, but please...

-Man, life in Lagos is hard.
-[Seyi] Of course, what do you expect?

[Akpos] Anyway, as I was saying,
I need some money desperately!

Hmm. You need money?

Uh, if you can hang on till next weekend,

that's when I'm selling one of my kidneys
to some Malaysian mafia guys.

So from there, I can raise funds.

-Seyi.
-What is it?

-Sell your kidney?
-You need to wake up.

This is Lagos, understand?
It's the regular business we do here.

Buying and selling.
It's called the "spare parts" business.

Body organs, kidney,
liver, intestines.

Do you think everyone you see
on the street has complete organs?

[scoffs]

Even I have only one kidney remaining.

And that's the one
I'm selling next weekend.

-Then I can gather some money for you.
-God forbid.

Wouldn't you rather bet with NairaBet
on Arsenal versus Chelsea and win money?

Kidney money is good money!

Okay, I've heard you.

Seyi, you will do me one favor.

-What is it?
-Okay.

You see my delicate beauty over there?

-Sweet girl.
-Yes, exactly. But don't think about it.

What's that supposed to mean?

We all know you to be a rapist
in College of Commerce back then.

-What is wrong with you? No, no, no.
-Bring your voice down.

Okay, okay. Is it because
I let you into my house,

you believe you are allowed to insult me?

And you're even threatening me too.

-Shh. Bring your voice down.
-Leave my house right now.

I was only messing with you.

You think you can just walk into my house
anytime you desire, huh?

Maybe I should just throw you guys out
and allow the agbero to pounce on her.

Then you'll know that you are better off
with me alone.

-Bring your voice down.
-Leave my house right now.

I was only messing with you.
What is wrong with you? Relax.

I'm saying if anything happens to her,
you'll see my "red eye."

Hmm.

Look at his head.
Anyways, she's only here for the night.

She'll be heading for the beauty pageant
camp before daybreak.

I'll be timing you.
I'm watching the time.

You're lucky I'm now born again,
or I would've taught you a lesson tonight.

-[chuckles] Seyi, Seyi.
-What is it?

-One more question.
-Hmm.

When are you going
to improve your English?

That's your business...

[Akpos chuckles]

[Akpos] Okay, zoom in.
Take a look, can you see the shape?

We hear you are the stylists
providing for stars like Genevieve,

Rita Dominic and Omotola.

[in English] Correct.

We also heard some of them can't afford
to buy clothes but for people like you.

-[chuckles]
-Yes.

That's the more reason,
I want you to style my girl.

[chuckles, mutters]

Bro, are you the one saying this?

Eh? With your investment,
she'll be going places,

and that includes you as a stylist.

Trust me, when she will be
going around Africa,

she will then be on CNN,
BBC, and "Al Jazebra."

And guess what? All other designers
like Armani, Van Persie,

Gucci, and Ronaldo, Louis Vuitton.

They'll all envy you.

-And who is that?
-Oh, you don't even know your colleagues?

Listen, bro, I'm a world-class designer.

And I design for top-class celebrities
like Agbani Darego.

Listen to yourself, bro. Agbani Darego.
That means, "Agbani's reign is over."

[chuckling]

The next queen in-line is Bianca Okamugba.
You can check her out.

She's such a beauty with untapped talent.
My raw gold.

Pepperlini, take a look at her. Bro,
I see you're already checking her out.

Um... I'll take the risk.

-Bro, this is not Bobrisky I brought.
-Oh, my goodness.

Bro, do this for me
and Warri will hear about it.

[upbeat music playing]

[no audible dialogue]

[no audible dialogue]

[applause]

[cheering]

[no audible dialogue]

I'll convince them to let us in.
Don't you worry.

[Seyi] Go on, try your luck.

Good afternoon, sirs.

We are part of this pageant.
You see, Miss Delta...

We're both official representatives
for the pageant.

-I'm the sponsor of Miss Delta.
-I'm a representative.

We forgot the invitations.
Please let us in.

[upbeat music continues]

I'm so sorry, sir.

No invites, no entry.
That's our instruction.

Sir, I understand
if you don't respect this man.

But have some respect for me.

[host in English]
If you are crowned Queen of Nigeria,

what would you do to make better
this particular challenge?

Human trafficking and sex trafficking
is modern-day slavery.

Young girls are taken away
from their homes,

away from their families.

And their lives are literally
taken out of their hands.

They are denied the opportunity
to choose and define their own future.

This serious issue
is very, very close to my heart.

And whether I am crowned queen
tonight or not,

I dedicate my time to empowering
these young women

and teaching them to be self-reliant
in building their self confidence.

-[whispering, inaudible]
-And letting them...

Tell this man who I am.
Do you know where I am from?

I'm not moved by the size of your chest.
I'm not intimidated by your looks.

Tell him who I am.

Sir, just in case you wish to react,
remember I'm not the one provoking you.

-[Nigerian R&B song plays]
-[singing]

How'd you feel if you spent money
to sponsor a contestant,

and you don't get to see the person
win the crown?

What kind of wickedness is that?
Can't you talk? Are you a dummy?

Let me explain. Life is not all about
showing off your muscles, understand?

You need to make use
of your initiative.

[singing continues]

It's not right! It's not right!

You're a wicked person and this is why
some of you don't progress in life.

[in English] The difference between you
and Civil Defense is in the packaging.

What are you guys still doing here?

The event is almost over,
and you're still standing here.

You see! This is someone who knows me.

Ask him.

I'm the manager of Miss Delta.

I'm the manager of Miss Delta.
Guy, clear it up.

[whispering, inaudible]

You guys coming?

You're a wicked person.
A wicked person.

-You're lucky. Idiot.
-[Seyi mutters]

[male host in English]
Ladies and gentlemen...

it is now time to reveal
the second and first runner-up.

This is Annie Idibia.

Our second runner-up is...

-Miss Akwa Ibom!
-[cheering, clapping]

[indistinct chatter]

[female host] Miss... Kano!

[cheering]

You think she can win this pageant?

[chanting]

Ladies and gentlemen...

And the winner is?

And the winner is...

And the winner is?

Miss Delta!

[crowd cheering]

[crowd cheering]

Bianca has won! Bianca has won!

Let's go! I'm going on the stage!

[man in English]
Welcome to the house of Otawi.

Please.

So, how does it feel? Oh, please.

How does it feel to be
the Queen of Nigeria?

Okay, so, here's what we're doing.

Otawi Cosmetics,

we are the giants of the cosmetic business
in Nigeria and in Africa.

We are already number one in Africa.

But we want to dominate the world,
and that's where you come in.

-Okay.
-You will be the face of Otawi Cosmetics.

We've developed a new product.

It will be the game-changer.

The definition
of the beautiful African woman

will never be the same again.

You will be going off to South Africa,
10 days in Sun City,

shooting the commercial for the product.

-Sun City!
-[man] Yes.

[in Pidgin]
I said it! Warri never comes last!

[in English] I'm sorry.
Please, can I talk to my manager?

-Him?
-[Bianca] Yes.

-[man] Oh, yeah, please.
-[mouthing words]

Thank you.

[in Pidgin]
We should have been notified.

We can't just get up
and head to Sun City for 10 days, can we?

What kind of notice do you want?

Akpos, shouldn't we be notified
beforehand?

Listen, they're trying to make you
become famous.

So quit speaking
like you're already famous.

All you have to do

is simply insist you want
your manager to come with you.

-Akpos, are you sure?
-I'm with you all the way.

Will anyone try to sleep with you
under my nose?

-[in English] Is everything all right?
-Yes, sir.

Um, I'd like to please take
my manager with me.

Your manager.

What's your name?

My name is Akpos Oboroghenerukokwo
Umukoro Dafe.

What?

Akpos Oboroghenerukokwo Umukoro Dafe.

The "A" is violent.

[all laugh]

[upbeat music playing]

All right, so I'll email you guys
the itinerary for the week,

and then tomorrow we have a lovely tour
planned for you guys of the city.

And then Monday, of course,
we're shooting.

[chuckles]
My client is a "core" professional.

All right, if you need to contact me,
please feel free.

My name is Kim K,
director of operations at Otawi SA.

[in Pidgin] Isn't she talking too fast?

-Maybe she's been sucking on lime.
-[laughs]

I've just told my girlfriend
that you're gorgeous.

-[in English] Yes.
-You are pretty. Yeah.

-Ah, thank heavens.
-[Akpos and Bianca laugh]

[Akpos in Pidgin]
Anywhere I enter, it gets exciting.

[both] Warri. Warri. Warri...

-[Kim K in English] All right, guys.
-[Akpos] Your father!

[Runtown's "Mad Over You" plays]

[man singing in foreign language]

[music continues]

[chattering in Pidgin, indistinct]

Clearly, nothing is impossible.

The place is beautiful.

[both speaking Pidgin]

[music continues]

[no audible dialogue]

[music continues]

[no audible dialogue]

[song ends]

[dance music playing]

-[in Pidgin] Are you enjoying this song?
-Yeah.

-We need Nigerian songs.
-Akpos.

-Why are they this biased? Wait.
-Akpos, don't--

Relax!

A Nigerian song is a Nigerian song.
You know we now rule Africa in songs.

-[exclaims]
-Wait, relax. Trust me, I got this.

I got this.

Hey, how are you?

How's it going?

[mutters]

I am Akpos
Oboroghenerukokwo Umukoro Dafe.

Huh?

I said my name is Akpos Oboroghenerukokwo
Umukoro Dafe.

Okay, hurry it up.

Okay. Please, can you play some
real music like Tekno's "Pana"?

-Tekno.
-Pana, Pana, Tekno, Pana.

-Pana?
-Pana, Pana, Pana.

-Pana, Pana, Pana?
-Yeah, yeah.

-Eh...
-What's that?

It's a song.

-Oh, techno! Techno!
-Yeah, play Tekno.

-But techno is boring.
-What?

-You need some Kwaito. Check it out.
-What's that?

Play Kwaito, patana, all that stuff.

-What's patana?
-You don't know patana?

-And Kachamia?
-Kachamia.

-Ai, yeah!
-No, wait!

Leave Kwaito in Soweto.

Tekno, Tekno.

Tekno's "Pana" is P for "pipeline."

-A for "area."
-Area code.

N for "Nigeria."
That's where Tekno comes from.

Another A for "egbe wager."

-[Tekno's "Pana" plays]
-Aha! You see it?

[speaking Pidgin]

One, two. One, two.

Tekno, Tekno.

Tekno, Tekno.

Let me teach them.

Do you guys know it? Are you all here?

[man singing in Pidgin]

[no audible dialogue]

[shouting, indistinct]

[music ends]

[Akpos singing]

You left without letting me know,
I was looking all over for you.

What's wrong with you?

[chuckles]

My raw gold.

[chuckles] Huh?

Why are you so upset? My baby.

The Queen of Nigeria!

My queen--

Uh-uh.

What's the problem?

Uh-uh.

Oh, oh, oh...

Wait a minute, relax.
Tell me what I did wrong.

Is it because of the South African girl?

Please don't let me down.

You abandoned me.

♪ She's nothing compared to you ♪

♪ And I'm in love with you ♪

♪ That's what foreigners call too legit ♪

♪ Too legit to quit, hey, hey ♪

♪ Too legit ♪

[babbling]

[babbling continues]

[record scratch sound]

[Akpos]
Take a look at this tummy.

Looks like what was designed
by Tommy Hilfiger.

This is what we need
in the pageantry business.

To be a pageant queen,
you need to be on your game.

-See that queen over there, hmm?
-[camera shutter clicking]

-That's my handiwork. Yeah.
-[girls] Wow!

She has drive, but I made her happen.

I certainly can make you girls
have a career.

[photographer in English]
Beautiful.

All right. And let's try over your left.

-[shutter clicking]
-Lovely.

[in Pidgin] I'm the king when it comes
to the making of a queen.

[chuckles]

Take a stroll with me, ladies.

You see, this pageantry business
is very, very important, you know.

Pageantry is a unique focus on culture.

And it's an expression of beauty.

You must possess creativity,
brains, and a good walk,

as you swing left and right,
left and right,

left and right, left and right.

[chuckles]

Now everyone strike a pose.

Strike a pose. Come on.

Let me make a choice.

[photographer] Uh, Bianca,
give us a relaxed-- Lift your arms.

Yes, that's it. A day at the beach.

Just... try and put everything
at the back of your mind.

-[models giggling]
-And we're relaxed and...

[Akpos mutters]

You! Step forward.

[in English] Yay! He picked me!

[Akpos chuckles]

I'd just like to give you
a small piece of advice, hmm?

You need to start eating.

You look hungry.
Just like a factory-rejected chicken.

Are you angry?

It was only a joke!

[chuckles] The girl is now angry.
She has evicted herself anyway.

[photographer]
Uh, Bianca, are you all right?

You don't want to take
a five-minute break, do you?

-I'm okay.
-Are you okay?

Well, do me a favor. Take a deep breath.

And then give us that classic, relaxed,
at-the-beach pose, all right?

-Now that looks beautiful. Thank you.
-[shutter clicking]

Ladies, I'm looking to change your lives
and take you from zeros to heroes.

Where I come from,
I'm the "King of Queens." Who am I?

[models] King of Queens.

Babes, what's my name?

[models] King of Queens.

Sorry to disturb, ladies,
but there's something I have to show you.

-Oh, really?
-Yeah. Shall we?

[mutters]

-Babes, what's my name?
-You'll see.

-King of Queens.
-You hear that?

[laughing]

So where are we going?

Through here,
then we're gonna go through...

-[Akpos] You're sure?
-[Kim K] Very.

Okay. I think I like
the way you're holding me.

[both laugh]

[in Pidgin]
I wish I knew what this was all about.

I don't know what you have packaged
for me, but all the same...

You are gonna thank me
for the surprise.

You'll probably be sending me texts.
Go, enjoy yourself.

-Are you sure?
-Go!

-Be a good boy!
-[Akpos] All right.

[laughs]

-Hello!
-Hello, how are you?

-[in Pidgin] And who are these ones?
-[in English] We're here for you.

What is going on?

[Akpos grunts]

Boss, is that you?

With the kind of special treatment
I was getting.

I knew it was someone special
with the kind of treatment I was given.

I knew it could only be you
that could arrange this.

-Akpos.
-When did you get into South Africa?

[in English] Oh, well, I just wanted to...

have a bit of a chitchat with you,
get to know you better.

Boss, is there much to know about me?

I come from Warri,
and organize beauty pageants.

I mostly do comedy at those Warri houses.

Houses?

Oh, "axis." The Warri axis.

Boss, I don't bother myself with English.

Who has English "helped"?

Right, right.

So, you and Bianca,

how did you manage to meet?

Ah, Bianca was a small local girl.

And I discovered she had huge talent
so I decided to manage her.

So you manage her in everything?

[chuckling]

Everything.

So this whole Bianca thing,
what's your plan?

-I just want to give Bianca--
-Money?

Yes, money!

But the main focus
is that I want to give Bianca joy.

I also want to manage her talent
and career to the next level.

You can tell when you see the girl.
Can't you?

She's a world-class beauty.

And then she won
the Queen of Nigeria contest.

Bianca is a natural-born winner.

Right, right.

And you say this whole thing

is that you want to take her
to the next level, right?

I want to take her to the next level.

-And you're ready for that?
-Of course.

I've been ready since before I was born.

Even Joseph the dreamer hasn't got
bigger dreams. His dreams are analog.

-Mine are digital.
-[both laugh]

Okay. I like you, Akpos.

Thank you, boss.

Like you, I started with nothing.

And so I can identify with your hustle.

Thank you, boss.

Okay.

[thunder rumbling]

Boss?

Open the passport.

Open it.

Boss?

-American international passport?
-Mm-hmm.

With my face on it?

And all of this...

for you.

What's going on, boss?

How do I deserve all of this?

Well, I've been watching you.

I've been watching you.
I see the way you have been managing.

So we decided to send you
to our Los Angeles office.

So you go over there, nurture the girls
and bring them to the next level.

Boss, don't make me mad
with excitement.

There'll be no need for that.

-Boss, you sending me to "Lost" Angeles?
-No, Los Angeles.

You want me to get lost?
I will get lost!

No, no, Akpos! Akpos.
Oh, come on.

Boss, I will get lost.

-What do you think about Kim K?
-Kim K?

It's hard to tell,
but I think she fancies me.

She will go with you.

Kim K will go with me?

She will go with you
and she will settle you in.

And then remember:

anything you want, anything at all...

I'm just one phone call away.

You won't give me all of this

and I still bother you with a phone call.

-Don't I have a conscience?
-We have a deal?

Boss, let me worship you, please!

Bianca. Bianca, we have to talk, now!

Bianca. Bianca.

-So you could come back to me, Akpos?
-Did I go anywhere?

Are you questioning me? You must be mad.

-Bianca.
-Don't touch me!

I guess you now have
what you came here for in the first place.

Bianca, calm down. What's wrong with you?

Akpos! Your wicked act
will catch up with you.

Bianca...

-Bianca.
-What did you say? You're fired!

[grunts] Bianca?

What's suddenly got into Bianca?

-Darling.
-What the hell do you want?

I have a surprise for you.
And you're going to love it.

Yolanda, come with me. Shall we?

[Bianca scoffs]

Um... What's going on?

Oh, you, my darling,
have an important meeting.

Please get ready.

[sighs]

You look stunning.

[Akpos] If this were Warri, we'd do
hashtag give the money back.

Anytime we say we want to do
a comedy show.

Do you see that?
Did you see where I put it?

-I am the king of talents.
-[man on stage, indistinct]

Go away. Your jokes are boring!

You're just there saying what you like.

[in English] Hey, hey... Please, shut up.

You can't be heckling
my comedians like that.

Can't you see the guy is boring?
I am Akpos Oboroghenerukokwo Umukoro Dafe.

The reigning comedy champion in Warri.

That's where I come from,
the Niger Delta region, Warri.

Look, if I go up on stage,
even my tears will make people laugh.

I am the king of talents.

I don't care what you think you are.

Whether you think you're a comedian,
or gynecology, whatever you think you are.

Even if you are a comedian,
Warri face or no Warri face,

you need to wait for six months
to come into my club and play, okay?

Otherwise, shut up!

[scoffs] Six months? Is comedy pregnancy?

-Shut up.
-[speaking Pidgin]

This place is beautiful.

Not half as beautiful as you are.

[Bianca clears throat]

I think I should go back.
I didn't tell anyone I was leaving.

Oh, you mean your manager?

[chuckles] Akpos Obo-- Oborogheneruko--

[laughs]

I'm sorry.

How did you meet a guy like that?

Can we not talk about that please?

-Right.
-I'm sorry.

That's okay, Your Majesty.

Listen, I want you to come with me.
I want to show you something.

Come, it's okay. I won't bite you. Come.

Tell him, he'll also look a lot better
with 100-percent Nigerian cassava.

-Thank you very much. My name is...
-[audience cheering, clapping]

Warri face.

Listen, you say you're a comedian, right?

[chuckles] Before?

Full-time comedian
from the Niger Delta region.

This other fool just messed up my thing,
so do you want to jump in?

-Jump in where?
-On stage, what do you mean?

You want me to come perform comedy?
You should've said so.

Hey, but make sure you are funny.

You must be as good as you say you are.

Of course. I am the definition of funny.

-Okay, let's go.
-My name is what you call "fu-nny."

[gasps]

Wow. This is beautiful.

I am not this beautiful.

You are even more beautiful.

[whispers]
Wow.

I want you to have this.

And more.

Why are you doing all this?
What do you want from me?

Because you are special, Bianca.

I want to give you the world.

The universe at your feet, literally.

I want to travel the world with you.
Me and you.

Take you to places
that you've only dreamed about.

[clears throat]

You know, I had
an interesting conversation

with your manager the other day.

And I'm really happy
that I'm able to advance his career.

He said you guys talked about it,
and you were happy to see him leave.

Leave to where?

He didn't tell you? He's...

He leaves for Los Angeles in a few days.

[chuckles]

And oh, by the way,
him and my personal assistant,

they seem to have gotten on quite well.

She thinks that he's sexy. [laughs]

Look. I'll show you something, okay?

-All of this is for me?
-[Otunba] That's right.

Boss, what have I done
to deserve all this?

You will go over to Los Angeles,

and you will manage our talent
while you're there.

[Akpos]
You are sending me to "Lost" Angeles?

[Otunba]
What do you think about Kim K?

[Akpos] Kim K? It's hard to tell,
but I think she fancies me.

[Otunba] So we have a deal?

[Akpos]
Boss, let me worship you, please.

Okay, okay, okay...

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
this guy comes all the way from Nigeria

with the serious, original,
organic Nigerian cassava.

All the way from Warri state.

Don't Warri,
'cause he's gonna make you laugh.

Please give it up, Akpos!

First off, my name is Akpos
Oboroghenerukokwo Umukoro Dafe.

You know, I like South Africans.

When you see South African girls
walk with their huge backsides.

They walk like this, it feels so heavy.

No wonder Mandela
had "a long walk to freedom."

So...

What's the matter?
Where are you all going?

Okay, let's eat. Hmm?

-Okay.
-[Bianca chuckles]

[2Face Idibia's
"I Hate What You Do To Me" plays]

We don't get married to such,
'cause it occupies too much space.

Are you all heading to the toilet at once?

♪ We fight all day ♪

♪ And make love all night ♪

♪ We arrange the place ♪

♪ And then we scatter it again ♪

♪ See, every time I look at you
I see a perfect picture of an angel ♪

♪ The next minute the demon comes out
I start to wonder where's my baby? ♪

Where are you going? What's going on?

♪ I hate what you do to me ♪

♪ Cannot tell you to go
Cannot tell you to stay ♪

♪ I hate what you do to me ♪

♪ Cannot tell you to go
Cannot tell you to stay ♪

♪ I hate what you do to me ♪

♪ Cannot tell you to go
Cannot tell you to stay ♪

♪ I hate what you do to me ♪

♪ I hate what you do to me ♪

[vocalizing]

Akpos! Warri boy.

[laughs] That was funny.

[laughing]

Have you come to mock me?

[in English] Don't worry,
they just don't understand.

You are good, man.
You remind me of my useless ex-husband.

He was also Nigerian.

[laughs]

♪ We have to choose the one ♪

♪ But every time you come around
There is danger ♪

♪ When you're not here I'm missing you ♪

♪ When you're not here
There is peace in the air ♪

♪ Damn, I wanna share it with you ♪

♪ I wonder why it had to be this way ♪

♪ I hate what you do to me ♪

♪ Cannot tell you to go
Cannot tell you to stay ♪

♪ I hate what you do to me ♪

♪ Cannot tell you to go
Cannot tell you to stay ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Tell me something I don't know ♪

♪ 'Cause but to love and respect
You know it is not so ♪

♪ See, I'll be your man
You'll be my girl now so ♪

[song fades]

So your photo shoot concludes tomorrow.

And I want you ready for
the stakeholders' banquet on Saturday.

And after that, we're off to the Bahamas.

-You like that? Did you have fun today?
-Yeah.

[grunting]

[indistinct] This is my friend Akpos
from Nigeria.

Hey, how's it going?

[speaks foreign language]

Your man left me hanging?

[speaks foreign language]

[in English] You're just gonna bring
some guy to the house now?

-I told you, he's just a good friend.
-A good friend?

He's not even my type.

You know I like my man,
shoe size 12 and above.

Baby, no. Uh-uh.
No, no, we can't do that now.

[woman] He needs help.
His girlfriend is in trouble.

[man] What trouble?

She's with Otunba Williams.

[door opens]

Look, I don't know you.

But I worked for that slimy, dirty,
rich, son of a bitch for six years.

And you know what he did to me?
Stole my girl. Yeah.

Kept bombarding her
with all these expensive gifts.

Gifts he knew
I couldn't afford to buy her.

And then when I tried to stop him,
he set me up. Yeah.

They found drugs in my apartment.
Called the police.

Police came over, they arrested me.
I don't even know how to spell "drugs."

Cops gave me six years.
Just got out two months ago.

So I'm telling you
who you're dealing with.

So... who is your girl?

Her name's Kimberly, but now she's going
by something like Kim K.

Oh, Kim K is your girl?

[soft dance music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

What do you want?

Your shoot is at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow,

so the limo will pick you up at 7:00

and drop you back here
at 8:00 p.m., all right?

I have things to get from the hotel.

That can be arranged.
Will you just be ready at seven o'clock?

[Bianca grunts]

What are you getting yourself into?

How is this any of your business?

You have it all.

Look at you, you're beautiful.

You have a career.

You have a wonderful man that loves you,

that will sacrifice
his entire life for you.

You just stay the hell out of my business.

[sighs] Is this the life that you want?

You'll get the money.

But at what price.

You know...

I used to think he was the sweetest guy
in the beginning.

But then...

sooner or later I realized he wasn't,

and then it was too late to leave.

Why should I believe you?

You don't have to.
You can become a sex slave like me.

Have alcohol as your number-one companion.

Then stay. Please, by all means,
I would appreciate a buddy.

But if you want to follow your dreams,

then I advise you to run,
run as fast as you can.

Otunba is the devil.
And certainly, you don't deserve him.

Akpos loves you. Don't you see this?

That fool doesn't care
about anybody but himself.

He has been using me.

Oh, and by the way, congratulations.
Enjoy Los Angeles.

Make sure you call me
when he dumps you for an Americana.

[sighs] You have to see this video.

All this is for me?

I've seen this before.

I bet you he didn't show it
to you until the end.

[Akpos speaking Pidgin on video]

Boss, once I get to Los Angeles,
Bianca and I will--

[Otunba] Wait, wait, wait.

Bianca? Bianca's not coming with you.

No, Bianca is coming.

No. No, Akpos.
She has to fulfill her contract.

That's why you have your passport,
the money, and Kim K.

Yeah?

Boss, Bianca isn't coming
with me to "Lost" Angeles?

No, no. She has to be here
and fulfill her contract.

Akpos.

You're a smart boy.
Make the right decision now.

Boss. With all due respect...

I do know that you're a powerful man,

a man of timber and caliber.

But boss,
I'd like to make this clear to you,

and at the same time clear my conscience
with all consciousness.

Bianca...

I have not come to South Africa
to auction Bianca.

Bianca is not for sale.

All this money means a lot
and can change my life

and that of my entire generation.

We know the value
of the dollar against the naira.

But all of this means nothing to me.

Compared to Bianca,
it's all just paper to be ripped.

America is not worth my Bianca. I'm out!

[cocks gun]

-[gunshot]
-[Akpos yelps]

This is big trouble!

This is big trouble!

Boss.

Is the matter that serious?

Boss.

Can't you tell when someone is joking?

Please don't kill me. I beg you.

[Otunba in English] Twenty-four hours,
Akpos. Twenty-four hours.

-[panting]
-Think about it.

Thank you God
of second chances!

Oh, God of second chances. Thank you!

I thank you, God of second chances.

This is big trouble!
This is big trouble!

This is big trouble!

This is big trouble!

-Bianca.
-What did you say? You're fired!

Bianca!

What has suddenly got into Bianca?

Bianca! We have to talk. There's trouble!

Tomorrow I'll have some news
about your girlfriend.

I've still got people on the inside.

And they're gonna tell me what's up.

It's kind of dangerous
for you to go back to that hotel,

so I suggest you just kick it here.

Problem is I don't know
what has possessed her.

She doesn't even want to see me.

Akpos... [speaking foreign language]

[in English] If Donald Trump
can get America to vote for him,

surely you can get your girlfriend
to want see you again.

[speaking foreign language]

It doesn't matter. Either way,
you've gotta get her out of there.

She's in bad hands. And I'm gonna
tell you something, that's a bad dude.

He's probably riding your girl right now,
all up and down the hill,

like a zebra, like a horny zebra,
just riding your girl.

What? I'm not Otunba.

[photographer] All right,
ladies in the back...

[Bianca] Where's Courtney?

Forget about who's here.
Just face the mirror.

I'm here to save you.

If you want you and Akpos to live,
you listen to everything that I'm saying.

Where is Akpos?

Come on, bud, relax. Relax.

Kim's got it under control.

-You all right? Trust me, man.
-[mutters]

But let me tell you something.
We gotta get out of here fast.

'Cause once they realize she's missing,

and they probably
already realized it by now,

we're gonna have some company.

So we've got to go, man.

So you're gonna tell these people
you need to go to the toilet.

-Okay.
-And head for the small bridge.

Follow the exit signs. You'll find Akpos
and Ongime in a golf cart.

-Who's Ongime?
-No time for questions.

The guard is looking at me.
I can't go anywhere.

Don't worry, I'll take care of the guard.

-Okay.
-We have to be quick.

I need to go to the toilet.

[speaks foreign language]

[in English] Hey. You look exactly
like Denzel Washington, look at you.

-Akpos!
-No, no, no, no...

Come on, y'all. This ain't no time
for lovey-dovey. We've gotta go.

Look at your shoe size.

You know what they say about a man
with big feet, eh?

-Then told me what was going to happen--
-Holy shit! That's the wrong way.

Wrong way!

[mutters]
I think we can go with it.

And if there are no objections,

then we can roll with that.

Cheers.

Sir.

[all clamoring]

-[Bianca] I need my iPad.
-Okay, go get your iPad.

Ooh! Careful, man. You need
to talk to your woman. This is crazy.

Stop the cart! Stop it!
I'm going to get my iPad.

-[Akpos] I'm not going to negotiate.
-Hurry up!

Now, I've got an iPhone, an iPad,
and now I'm gonna die for Apple.

[whispering]
Find her and bring her to me now.

Gentlemen, this meeting is over.

Excuse me.

I swear to God,
you have a spell over you. Hurry up!

Akpos!

[inaudible]

Bianca! Bianca!

Hey!

Hey!

[shouting, indistinct]

Hey, damn, man, they got her.
We gotta go! We gotta go!

I told you this was a bad idea.

[gasping, wailing]

Come on, move this thing!

-How fast do you think it can go?
-Move this thing now!

Don't yell at me. Don't you yell at me!

Move faster, move faster.

Bianca! Can you see
what an iPad has caused?

-Move this thing!
-Don't you yell at me!

I swear to God, I'll pull this cart
right over into a safari

and let a lion tear your black ass up.

-What is going on? Are we lost?
-[mutters]

What the hell is wrong with you?
Turn around!

You've got that way, that way, that way.

How the hell am I supposed to know
where to go?

-[speaking Pidgin] This side!
-No, no, no. That's the way we came from.

Hold on, man. Let me pull over.
I've gotta figure this out.

Okay, we came this way. And...

Wait, wait. You passed this sign.

-No, we came that way.
-No, no, no!

Okay. Are you gonna look?

-Akpos! Akpos! Akpos!
-Come on!

-There she goes.
-See there! Drive, drive. Go fast!

I can't go any faster!
You think you can go faster, then you run!

Ah! [muttering]

-Bianca! Bianca!
-I was kidding!

Bianca! Bianca!

I was kidding!

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?

[panting] Bianca... Bianca!

-Hey!
-Don't you talk to me!

-What are you doing? I was kidding!
-Bianca! Bianca!

Who do you think you are, Usain Bolt?
Get in, let's go!

Bianca!

Twenty-four hours? What the hell?

Look, my girl was taken right before
my very own eyes

and you're talking 24 hours?

Listen, we don't live here.
We're from Nigeria.

I beg you in God's name.
Why do you need 24 hours?

Wait, let me try.
Listen, you have to understand...

What he's trying to say to you
is she could be dead in 24 hours!

They're gonna kill her. What do you
want me to tell people back home?

Man, come on, he ain't joining us.
We gotta do it on our own.

Aren't you police? Can't you help?

We gotta do this on our own.
He ain't going here. I know!

[Bianca whimpers]

Leave me alone.

All I wanted...

was your friendship. Hmm?

And I tried to do it the gentlemanly way.

But you had to ruin it.

Now, I am pissed off.

And as if refusing my offer of friendship

wasn't bad enough,

you were actually trying to break
your business contract by running away!

I wasn't running away.

-Don't you lie to me.
-I wasn't running away.

Don't you lie to me!

Now, I'm willing to forget all of this,

if you just take my offer of friendship.

If it's friendship that you want,
then it's no problem.

I can be your friend.

Aww, sweet girl.

She's such a sweet girl. Hmm?

[groans]

[groaning]

[Otunba shrieks]

You... You will get ready.

You will look pretty.

You will attend the stakeholders' banquet,
okay?

[Bianca laughs]

What's funny now, hmm?

-What are you laughing about?
-Akpos is a real man.

And he knows exactly how to get his woman.
He's coming for me.

Aww! He's coming for you.

Oh, laugh all you want.

You will never be half the man Akpos is.

Oh, but... Akpos is not coming.

He has been taken care of.

If you don't behave yourself,
you will also be taken care of.

Now get her away from me.

[Bianca cries out]

[groans] Oh, Lord...

[speaking Pidgin]

[in English] You need to relax.
You need to have something to eat.

Get some sleep.
You can't just be like this.

You know my man is doing everything
to help you.

-What else do you want us to do?
-[Ongime] Yeah, man.

Write a placard and take it
to Otunba's place?

Hashtag "bring back Bianca."

Hey, Bianca's gonna be okay.
Come on, man. Man up, bro.

It's gonna be all right. Trust me.

I used to be in the military, man.
I know this stuff.

That's the reason Otunba wanted me.

Trust me. If he finds out I'm out,

I promise you,
he's gonna be coming after us.

My guys, with all due respect to the army,
all I want is Bianca.

"Bianca, Bianca, Bianca."
Goddamn, come on, bro.

It's gonna be all right.
You gotta believe, man.

Come on!

You'll get your Bianca back.

-Please help me if you want to--
-Shh!

[whispering] Get down, get down.

Okay, we gotta stay down. We gotta move.

Don't block my short road to freedom.

[in Pidgin] Move this madiba from my way.

[shouts] AK-47!

Shh!

Wait, wait. You can't use these.

You see the guy with the bullet?

[whispering, indistinct]

Yeah, that's good. I need you to go
and find the bottles.

Find yourself some bottles,
and draw their fire.

-Okay? Yes!
-[whispering, indistinct]

[whispering, indistinct]

[in foreign language]
This is big trouble!

[shrieks]

[laughing]

[gunman] Stop!

[speaking foreign language]

[no audible dialogue]

[speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

Akpos!

[indistinct]

[speaking foreign language]

[scoffs]

-[in English] What the hell did he say?
-I say, "Go to hell."

-I'll bust you--
-Wait, wait, wait.

[in Pidgin] I haven't got time for this.

He doesn't want to talk?
Let me tidy him up...

Guy. Guy?

Where is my girl?

[speaking foreign language]

What did he say?

[in English] He said, "In his shit hole."

Oh!

[Akpos speaking gibberish]

Okay.

[in Pidgin] Hold him!
My girl is in your butthole?

[in Pidgin] My girl is in your butthole?

[shrieking]

-My girl is in your butthole?
-[shrieking continues]

[piano plays jazz ballad]

[music continues]

Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention please.

Okay, listen. This guy's got
some serious security.

I picked up about 20 guards.
So here's the plan.

I need you to go to the front, baby.

I need you to just create
a distraction, okay?

Why me?

It's gonna be okay, baby. Listen.
Trust me, we're gonna be there.

All right, now in the back,
there's a really low fence.

You and I, we're gonna go in the back,
we're gonna jump over that fence.

And then we have to blend in
with the crowd, okay?

All right, the problem is... he has a dog.

I don't even like doggy-style,
so I'm definitely going in the front.

Good, you go in the front. All right?

Dog or no dog,
every Goliath goes down here today.

Akpos says so!

Yes! That's the attitude.
Now keep that attitude.

Now let's go, come on.

In six years, Otawi Cosmetics

has become the giant of Africa.

But we want to compete.

We want to go into Europe,
the Americas, and Asia.

We want to pursue all the giants
in that business.

That is why we need your money.

That is why we need more investment
in Otawi Cosmetics.

[guests clapping]

Let us welcome one
of the greatest musicians out of Africa,

Mr. Innocent Idibia,

AKA 2Baba.

Cindy Ajoke.

Cindy Ajoke.

Sorry, ma'am.
Your name is not on the list.

[speaking foreign language]
Check in the VVIP.

That is why we need your money

and your investment in Otawi Cosmetics.

The Queen of Nigeria

and the face of Otawi Cosmetics...

the beautiful and delectable Bianca,

and the soon-to-be Mrs. Williams.

-[guests clapping]
-In your dreams.

[2Face Idibia's "African Queen" plays]

[Otunba] Isn't she beautiful?

[in Pidgin]
That's my girl, a world-class beauty.

Absolutely.

Enchanté.

Please.

[song continues]

Psst.

[whispers] Bianca.

[indistinct chatter]

Bianca.

Ma'am, so good to see you.

-[guests shriek]
-[clattering]

Stop, stop, stop!

[speaking foreign language]

[shouting in foreign language]

[gun cocks]

[song continues]

[indistinct chatter]

Ongime. [chuckles]

Akpos!

Obor-- Oborog--

Oborogheneru-- [laughs]

Whatever.

I tried to be nice. Hmm?

But you just had to show yourself.

Tough Warri boy.

[whimpers] Akpos! Akpos!

[laughs] Aww.

It's a love thing, huh? Love.

[singing in foreign language]

[continues singing]

Is this not the last of your... Hmm?

-[upbeat music playing]
-[singing]

Akpos! Akpos!

Aww! [chuckles]

I tried to be nice!

I tried to be nice.

You should have just taken the money
and gone.

What Otunba wants, Otunba gets.

Akpos! Akpos! No, no, no, no...

Death is death. No matter how it comes.

Kill me if you will.

But do me a favor.
Send my corpse to Warri.

[in Pidgin] Great. So let's just get you
out of the way, right?

[sobbing] Akpos.

-[gunshot]
-[screaming]

Akpos! Akpos!

[guests scream, clamor]

Akpos!

[guests clamoring, screaming]

[all screaming]

[Akpos shrieking]

[in English]
Go get your girl, bro. Go get your girl.

Let them go, let them go.
Just let them go, baby.

Let them go. It's just you and me.

What you got, huh? What you got?
What you got on besides a suit and a hat?

Bring it, bring it,
Mr. Dressed-Up Man.

[shrieks]

[mimics shrieking]

Huh? Who we got, Bruce Lee, man?

Damn!

[groaning]

Shh! Stay, stay.

Don't move.

How you like that, punk?
How you like that?

[no audible dialogue]

Who has won now? Warri!

All of you, rest in RIP!

Come here.

-[Otunba cries out]
-Otunba!

Death is death!
No matter how it comes.

Warri never comes last!

Today, we die here!

I'm not dying with you.
You're already dead.

And she's coming with me.

[groans]

Yeah! Baby girl, enjoy your moment.

Enjoy your moment.

-[Bianca] Leave me, let me finish him!
-No, no, leave him.

-[Bianca] You're mad!
-Relax.

-Relax.
-Oh, look how hurt you are.

Look how hurt you are.

[2Face Idibia's "African Queen" playing]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Just like the sun light up the earth
You light up my life ♪

♪ And the only one I've ever seen
With a smile so bright ♪

♪ And just yesterday
You came around my way ♪

♪ You changed my whole scenery
With your astonishing beauty ♪

♪ You could make a brother see
No ordinary thing ♪

♪ Supernatural being ♪

How would you describe Bianca's beauty?

-Bianca's beauty is not currency.
-Mm-hmm.

Trust me. Every girl... [speaks Pidgin]
is another to collect five percent.

Hey!

[singing]

[song continues]

So since you guys came back
from South Africa,

do you think that Bianca has what it takes
to go to Miss World?

Before. [chuckles]

If Miss World doesn't send a private jet
to take Bianca to the contest,

your father...

[song continues]

My name's... that was so much fun.

Big shout-out to Akpos
for coming to our studio.

[in Pidgin] You know how
to speak the queen's English.

-[laughing]
-My name is...

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-When they want to eat, it's not a joke.

[song continues]

-Your number-one hit music station.
-Can't you see I just came from abroad?

No, you came from South Africa.
South Africa is not abroad.

Yes. It's not abroad.

-South Africa is not abroad?
-No, it's not abroad.

-It's not the same thing...
-Didn't I take a flight?

[song continues]

Thanks so much for coming on this show.

Before you go,
why are you wearing glasses?

You only wear sunshades outside
in the sun.

You don't understand.

The only way you'll understand
is when you attain that celebrity-ship.

What are you talking about?

You see all these celebrities
in Lagos, Tekno, Don Jazzy, all of them.

They wear it also.

So when you become a star,
you put on shades?

I'm a star now. You know how many things
I did in South Africa?

[song continues]

[song ends]

[ballad]

[song ends]