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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:03,167 Announcer: here's what Happened last week 2 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:04,668 On "Welcome back kotter." 3 00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:06,582 - what's all this Joke business about? 4 00:00:06,606 --> 00:00:09,940 - last night vinnie here went To the comedy connection, 5 00:00:09,976 --> 00:00:13,644 A place that features new Comedians with old jokes. 6 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,347 - did you ever think about Maybe performing there? 7 00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:18,127 - look, being a comedian, To me has always been 8 00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,517 Like a secret dream. 9 00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:21,163 - ain't you the guy who told Us when we have a chance 10 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,554 To go for that brass Ring, just to grab it? 11 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:24,555 - yeah. 12 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:25,923 - well? 13 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,570 - all right, I'll do It. This sunday night. 14 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:28,959 - all right! 15 00:00:28,994 --> 00:00:31,273 - you know, kotter, in my Day, I was a champion heckler. 16 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,464 - I'm number 42. 17 00:00:33,499 --> 00:00:35,933 They've probably heard Every joke in the world by now. 18 00:00:35,968 --> 00:00:36,934 - I got a million jokes. 19 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,068 - oh, yeah? 20 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,838 Well, why don't you take The rest home in a doggy bag? 21 00:00:40,873 --> 00:00:42,106 - give him a chance. 22 00:00:42,141 --> 00:00:43,452 - I'm sorry. I'm not a comedian. 23 00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:45,209 I shouldn't be up here. 24 00:00:47,279 --> 00:00:48,356 - I'm in the nightclub division. 25 00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:50,058 We're always looking For new talent. 26 00:00:50,082 --> 00:00:52,416 You put these Kids in your routine 27 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:53,929 You got yourself A nightclub act. 28 00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:57,888 - here he is... Gabe kotter. 29 00:00:58,991 --> 00:01:00,091 - thank you, thank you. 30 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,237 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a Schoolteacher in brooklyn 31 00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:03,706 And I got this crazy Bunch of students, 32 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,674 They call themselves The "Sweathogs." 33 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,700 Up your noses with rubber hoses. 34 00:01:11,804 --> 00:01:13,137 - alright, quiet, everybody. 35 00:01:13,172 --> 00:01:15,239 Quiet. I have an announcement. 36 00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,407 For mr. Gabe kotter, 37 00:01:17,443 --> 00:01:20,444 It's goodbye teaching, Hello show business. 38 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,516 Announcer: stay tuned for part Two of welcome back, kotter. 39 00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:34,558 ♪ welcome back ♪ 40 00:01:35,794 --> 00:01:39,563 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 41 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,166 ♪ welcome back ♪ 42 00:01:42,201 --> 00:01:46,537 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 43 00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:48,773 ♪ well the names Have all changed ♪ 44 00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:50,875 since you hung around 45 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,888 ♪ but those dreams Have remained ♪ 46 00:01:52,912 --> 00:01:55,412 ♪ and they've turned around ♪ 47 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,493 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 48 00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,717 ♪ ♪ 49 00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,852 ♪ back here where we need ya? ♪ 50 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:03,887 ♪ ♪ 51 00:02:03,922 --> 00:02:05,722 ♪ yeah we tease him a lot ♪ 52 00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:07,892 ♪ 'cause we've got Him on the spot ♪ 53 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,961 ♪ welcome back ♪ 54 00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:13,931 ♪ welcome back welcome Back welcome back ♪ 55 00:02:26,245 --> 00:02:29,146 - I just can't believe This is happening. 56 00:02:29,181 --> 00:02:31,982 Mr. Kotter is really leaving. 57 00:02:32,017 --> 00:02:36,587 This man, this man who made Me everything I am today. 58 00:02:38,891 --> 00:02:40,858 - it was mr. Kotter? 59 00:02:40,893 --> 00:02:43,026 I thought it was a Hit and run driver. 60 00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:46,374 - oh, come on, come on, We can't let kotter know 61 00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:47,932 How bummed out we are. 62 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,934 - yeah, little juan is right. 63 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:51,702 Gentlemen, we must be brave. 64 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:54,839 We're not losing a teacher. 65 00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:57,441 Mike douglas is Gaining a co-host. 66 00:02:58,678 --> 00:02:59,643 - all right, horshack, 67 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,745 Just let me give you Some advice, okay? 68 00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:02,880 Now, this is what I do 69 00:03:02,915 --> 00:03:03,959 When I ain't gonna see someone 70 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,649 I really like no more, okay? 71 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,484 I pretend they're dead. 72 00:03:10,089 --> 00:03:12,690 This way, this way If they don't call me 73 00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,524 I don't get mad at 'em. 74 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:22,099 - and people say he's not deep. 75 00:03:24,303 --> 00:03:25,914 - let's see our Presents here, freddie. 76 00:03:25,938 --> 00:03:27,638 - I've got every one for y'all. 77 00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:30,241 At the top of the list, My personal choice, 78 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,742 a mustache comb. 79 00:03:31,777 --> 00:03:32,743 check it out. 80 00:03:32,778 --> 00:03:34,690 - who'd wanna use A mustache comb? 81 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,647 - my aunt helen. 82 00:03:38,984 --> 00:03:41,652 Sometimes, she even uses wax. 83 00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,022 - oh, freddie, did you get My needlepoint framed? 84 00:03:45,057 --> 00:03:46,335 - oh, yeah, I got it right here. 85 00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:47,591 The sweathog motto, 86 00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:50,928 "Whatever it Is, I didn't do it." 87 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,130 - oh, this is real Nice here, angie. 88 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,131 - thanks. 89 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,644 - only thing, you forgot The sweathog emblem 90 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:58,769 Of a teacher having a Nervous breakdown, you know. 91 00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:04,341 - this is so sad. 92 00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:06,010 This is so sad, you know? 93 00:04:06,045 --> 00:04:09,279 It reminds me of that Episode of "Lassie" that I saw. 94 00:04:10,282 --> 00:04:12,783 When... When... When lassie Was caught in that coal mine 95 00:04:12,818 --> 00:04:14,596 And timmy went Out to look for her. 96 00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:17,921 And he kept on saying, "Lassie, lassie, where are you?" 97 00:04:17,956 --> 00:04:19,835 And all the coal Was coming down on 98 00:04:19,859 --> 00:04:21,592 Lassie's nice fur coat, right? 99 00:04:22,928 --> 00:04:25,262 And timmy kept on saying, "Lassie, where are you?" 100 00:04:25,297 --> 00:04:28,131 And then, lassie's little Paw went up in the air, right? 101 00:04:29,134 --> 00:04:32,703 And he said... And lassie said, 102 00:04:32,738 --> 00:04:35,071 She said, "Timmy, I'm down here." 103 00:04:41,046 --> 00:04:42,012 I wanna tell you something. 104 00:04:42,047 --> 00:04:44,348 That lassie is some actor. 105 00:04:54,693 --> 00:04:55,759 - morning. 106 00:04:55,794 --> 00:04:57,294 - hi, mrs. Kotter. 107 00:04:57,329 --> 00:04:58,629 - what you doing here? 108 00:04:58,664 --> 00:05:01,031 - well, where's mr. Kotter? 109 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,901 Overcome with grief in the hall? 110 00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:07,304 - mr. Kotter couldn't be here. 111 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,517 He was halfway out the Door and his agent called 112 00:05:09,541 --> 00:05:11,353 And said he had to Go to this big audition. 113 00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:13,610 He hopes you understand, guys. 114 00:05:13,645 --> 00:05:15,479 - oh sure, we do. 115 00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:18,849 As soon as they become a hit, They forget the little people. 116 00:05:20,686 --> 00:05:23,954 - hey, that's not the Mr. Kotter we know and disobey. 117 00:05:26,224 --> 00:05:27,936 - he's a big phony Now, ain't he? 118 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,737 I bet he's around, Around a corner deli 119 00:05:29,761 --> 00:05:32,029 Eating a sandwich Named after him. 120 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,365 - yeah. 121 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,367 Ham on ham. 122 00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,937 With a side of baloney. 123 00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:43,607 - okay, guys, now None of that is true. 124 00:05:43,642 --> 00:05:44,953 He just wanted me to come here. 125 00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:45,942 - to what? 126 00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:47,244 To drop by? 127 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:48,846 Pick up his presents? 128 00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:49,961 - forget the presents. 129 00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:53,517 Take them back to the Store where you stole 'em. 130 00:05:56,421 --> 00:05:58,922 - uh, mr. Woodman, those Presents are for gabe. 131 00:05:58,958 --> 00:05:59,857 - he's gone. It's over. 132 00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:01,258 Forget gabe. 133 00:06:01,293 --> 00:06:03,204 I've got you a new Teacher outside in the hall. 134 00:06:03,228 --> 00:06:04,528 - well, what's he doing there? 135 00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:06,930 - saying goodbye To his next of kin. 136 00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:13,270 - hi, honey. 137 00:06:20,212 --> 00:06:21,178 - hi, honey. 138 00:06:21,213 --> 00:06:22,179 Hi, mr. Charnoff. 139 00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:23,625 - pete. From now on, it's pete. 140 00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:24,949 Just think of me as family. 141 00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:26,784 - oh, that's just what I need. 142 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:28,519 An agent-in-law. 143 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:30,832 - how's my baby? - okay. 144 00:06:30,856 --> 00:06:32,567 - how'd the interview go, honey? 145 00:06:32,591 --> 00:06:34,424 - all right. - oh, all right? 146 00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:35,425 I'm telling you, 147 00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:36,771 Schultz went right Through the roof. 148 00:06:36,795 --> 00:06:37,962 He was on the floor. 149 00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:40,096 - how could he go Through the roof 150 00:06:40,132 --> 00:06:41,732 If he was on the floor? 151 00:06:43,769 --> 00:06:45,369 - he lives in a duplex. 152 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:49,284 - does that mean That he liked you? 153 00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:50,273 - I don't know. 154 00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:51,542 The man had this big cigar. 155 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:52,588 He stood there for 20 minutes. 156 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:53,622 I told him about the sweathogs 157 00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:56,279 And all he did was Choke on his cigar. 158 00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:02,519 - you kiddin'? That's How schultz laughs. 159 00:07:02,554 --> 00:07:03,554 He loved you. 160 00:07:03,588 --> 00:07:06,623 You got five chokes, Three gasps and a wheeze. 161 00:07:08,794 --> 00:07:09,871 - sounds like if he Liked you any better 162 00:07:09,895 --> 00:07:13,130 You could call the paramedics. 163 00:07:13,165 --> 00:07:14,130 - forget about schultz. 164 00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:15,844 How'd it go with the sweathogs? 165 00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,845 - well, honey, they Were disappointed. 166 00:07:17,869 --> 00:07:20,870 I left as soon as the Substitute got there. 167 00:07:20,906 --> 00:07:22,273 - poor guy. 168 00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:24,942 It's gonna be rough to talk With a desk in your mouth. 169 00:07:26,578 --> 00:07:27,912 - desk in mouth. 170 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,213 That's funny stuff. 171 00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:30,881 I'm screaming. 172 00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:35,719 - you're screaming? 173 00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:36,987 - yeah. In here. 174 00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:37,988 In here, julie. 175 00:07:38,023 --> 00:07:39,067 - uh, well, you'd Better watch it. 176 00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:41,011 We don't wanna Wake the babies up. 177 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,430 - that's funny. 178 00:07:46,465 --> 00:07:48,632 Be quiet, so you Don't wake the... 179 00:07:50,936 --> 00:07:51,980 - mr. Kotter, We've got somethin' 180 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:53,871 We wanna discuss with you. 181 00:08:03,515 --> 00:08:04,581 - well. 182 00:08:04,616 --> 00:08:07,317 Listen, guys, why don't You come in and sit down? 183 00:08:07,352 --> 00:08:09,153 Now, you know mr. Charnoff? 184 00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:10,621 - yeah, sure. 185 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:14,325 He's the guy who Feels it right here. 186 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,361 - I felt it in there A couple of times. 187 00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:20,130 Usually after a bad Meatball sandwich. 188 00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:22,544 - uh, look, mr. Kotter. 189 00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,479 What we've done is we Collected all of our thoughts, 190 00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:25,714 Put 'em down on this Here piece of paper 191 00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:27,972 And now I'm just Gonna read 'em to you. 192 00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:33,243 "Dear mr. Kotter, don't go." 193 00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:47,524 - don't go? 194 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:49,994 That's what you call a speech? 195 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,106 - yeah, it's like President lincoln 196 00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:52,507 Showing up at Gettysburg and saying, 197 00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:56,066 "Hey, guys, don't fight." 198 00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,969 - listen, I think what Juan said was fine. 199 00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:02,272 - I can see what's going On here and it chokes me up. 200 00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,544 Yeah. I can feel it, right here. 201 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,847 - yeah? 202 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,317 Well, how'd you like To feel it right here? 203 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,252 - juan! Come on, sit down. 204 00:09:16,288 --> 00:09:20,257 Look, you guys Don't want me to go. 205 00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:22,037 And I'm really touched by that. 206 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:24,795 - well, we don't want You to stay forever. 207 00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,498 Just 'til we graduate. 208 00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:32,836 - yeah, what's Another 10 or 20 years? 209 00:09:35,807 --> 00:09:38,541 - guys, look. What happens After you graduate? 210 00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:40,310 I can't stay with you forever. 211 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:42,011 - you can't? 212 00:09:42,047 --> 00:09:44,881 Well, nobody told me that. 213 00:09:44,916 --> 00:09:49,686 - oh, mr. Kotter, we Could grow old together. 214 00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:55,893 The two of us, riding On buses at half fare, 215 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,862 Listening to lawrence welk. 216 00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,632 Throwing prune Pits at each other. 217 00:10:04,402 --> 00:10:05,368 - that's funny, arnold. 218 00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:07,282 You know, maybe I'll use that in my act. 219 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:08,271 - c'mon, guys, let's Get out of here. 220 00:10:08,306 --> 00:10:09,684 I'm tired of being a punch line. 221 00:10:09,708 --> 00:10:11,041 - yeah, let's leave. 222 00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,554 - there's better places. - hey, guys. 223 00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:13,721 Hey, look, we can Still be friends. 224 00:10:13,745 --> 00:10:15,223 You guys come over Anytime you want. 225 00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:16,646 This door will always be open. 226 00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:17,948 - yeah, what for? 227 00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,716 You need some more material? 228 00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:27,758 - I guess that's all we were To you, huh, mr. Kotter? 229 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,226 Jokes that passed in the night. 230 00:10:31,963 --> 00:10:33,162 - arnold? 231 00:10:33,198 --> 00:10:34,898 Hey, guys? 232 00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,048 Boy, I never thought They'd take it this hard. 233 00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:41,917 - why don't you tell Her the good news? 234 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,540 - what good news, honey? 235 00:10:43,575 --> 00:10:44,655 - I'll tell her later. 236 00:10:46,211 --> 00:10:48,223 You know, I really Thought they'd understand. 237 00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:49,646 - listen, the deal's almost set. 238 00:10:49,681 --> 00:10:51,949 Thirty-two glorious Weeks on the road. 239 00:10:53,752 --> 00:10:55,497 I don't wanna Spoil the surprise. 240 00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:56,753 You tell her. 241 00:10:56,788 --> 00:10:57,854 Check you later. 242 00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:04,328 - "Thirty-two glorious Weeks on the road?" 243 00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,797 - the guy has to come To see me tonight. 244 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,266 Boy, I hope they don't Do anything crazy. 245 00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:11,835 - did you take it, gabe? 246 00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:13,448 - maybe I should Go after them, huh? 247 00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:15,105 - did you take it, gabe? 248 00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:16,918 - yes. If he offers It, I'm gonna take it. 249 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,142 I was gonna tell you. 250 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,142 - oh, when? 251 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,178 On the plane to peoria? 252 00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,625 - julie, you weren't there. What'd you want me to do? 253 00:11:24,649 --> 00:11:25,983 - aw, that's right. 254 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:30,921 And I suppose you And pete felt it in here. 255 00:11:30,956 --> 00:11:32,355 - what's the matter? 256 00:11:34,059 --> 00:11:35,770 - I started this Scrapbook for you. 257 00:11:35,794 --> 00:11:38,095 Let me know what Happens after page one. 258 00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,133 - julie? 259 00:11:46,071 --> 00:11:47,271 Julie? 260 00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:49,739 Julie? 261 00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:56,680 Esther, hi. 262 00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,282 Can you be here in half hour? 263 00:11:58,317 --> 00:11:59,816 Fine. Okay. 264 00:11:59,851 --> 00:12:01,396 Sure. I'll see you In a half hour. 265 00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:03,565 Right. Okay, the formula's Asleep and the twins 266 00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:04,821 Are in the refrigerator. 267 00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,392 I mean... You know what I mean, esther, okay? 268 00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,504 All right, I'll see you then. 269 00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:10,561 Bye. 270 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,530 Julie? 271 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,066 Are you coming Out of the bedroom? 272 00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:19,102 Julie, you can't stop a Scrapbook on page one. 273 00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:23,607 You dirty rat. 274 00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:26,376 Mmm, all right, come Out of that bedroom. 275 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,213 Mmm, otherwise It's curtains for you 276 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:32,148 'cause I got a rod And it's a curtain rod. 277 00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,584 Aah. 278 00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:38,266 Julie, if you don't get Out, I'm gonna do wife jokes. 279 00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:40,034 I'll do jokes about you tonight. 280 00:12:40,058 --> 00:12:41,503 Good evening, Ladies and gentleman. 281 00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:42,626 My wife is so skinny 282 00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:45,362 She's gotta run around In the shower to get wet. 283 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,101 Did you hear that one, julie? 284 00:12:51,136 --> 00:12:53,670 Ah, you want to know What kind of cook my wife is? 285 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,273 Flies come to my House to commit suicide. 286 00:12:58,143 --> 00:12:59,509 Did you hear it, julie? 287 00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:01,745 You know, my wife makes waffles. 288 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:02,857 She throws the Batter on the floor 289 00:13:02,881 --> 00:13:05,048 And runs over it With hot sneakers. 290 00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:13,590 Out of hibernation, darling? 291 00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:16,894 - gonna tell wife jokes, gabe? 292 00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,830 Well, I could tell Some husband jokes. 293 00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,432 And they'd all be true. 294 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:26,136 Like the one about how You won't take a shower 295 00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,772 Without your snoopy washcloth. 296 00:13:32,911 --> 00:13:35,211 - a total fabrication. 297 00:13:35,247 --> 00:13:37,125 - how you won't Buy a pair of pajamas 298 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,983 Unless it has the feet in them. 299 00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:45,488 And a back flap. 300 00:13:46,491 --> 00:13:47,457 - hey, this is great stuff. 301 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,692 We can do an act together. 302 00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:50,672 We can be the next great Husband and wife team. 303 00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:52,228 The next burns and allen. 304 00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:55,365 - no. I would just like to Be the old gabe and julie. 305 00:13:57,636 --> 00:14:01,604 - julie, I didn't mean To make you mad. 306 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,840 - honey, it is not As much that I care 307 00:14:03,875 --> 00:14:05,953 Whether the twins and I Go on the road with you 308 00:14:05,977 --> 00:14:09,446 As much as I wanna be Included in the decision. 309 00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:10,814 - you're right. 310 00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:12,582 And I'm sorry. 311 00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:15,519 You just have to realize when Your dreams start coming true 312 00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,721 It's hard to think rationally. 313 00:14:17,756 --> 00:14:19,956 There's a guy offering Me $600 a week to do 314 00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:22,091 What I wanted to Do my whole life. 315 00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:24,694 I said "Yes" before he had a Chance to change his mind. 316 00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,140 - gabe, does that Mean that every time 317 00:14:26,164 --> 00:14:27,531 There's an offer of more dollars 318 00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:30,500 You're just gonna grab at It without consulting me? 319 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,170 - I'm sorry, honey. It Will never happen again. 320 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,239 Can I help it if my Agent's a fast talker? 321 00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:37,908 - you can say that again. 322 00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:41,812 I've never met a man with A suede tongue before. 323 00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:43,280 - suede tongue? 324 00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:44,281 That's funny. 325 00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:45,782 - thanks. 326 00:14:45,817 --> 00:14:49,453 - okay, from now on, You and me, 50-50, right? 327 00:14:49,488 --> 00:14:50,453 - okay. 328 00:14:50,488 --> 00:14:51,654 We share everything. 329 00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:53,623 - we share everything. 330 00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:54,724 - right. 331 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:58,961 Now, why don't you go Change your 50% of the twins? 332 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:04,178 - I don't have to. See, Esther's coming over. 333 00:15:04,202 --> 00:15:06,803 The formula's asleep and the Twins are in the refrigerator. 334 00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:12,553 - honey, you were great. 335 00:15:12,577 --> 00:15:15,045 You're getting Better all the time. 336 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,146 - I know. 337 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,150 And my act's not bad either. 338 00:15:23,488 --> 00:15:25,488 - whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 339 00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:27,035 Don't wear yourselves out, kids. 340 00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:29,292 Gabe's got a second show to do. 341 00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:30,761 - oh, mr. Ten percent. 342 00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:32,296 How's it goin'? 343 00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:34,041 - I better see if Schultz got here yet 344 00:15:34,065 --> 00:15:35,432 And get him a good table. 345 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:37,768 If your second show goes Half as well as your first, 346 00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:39,269 You're in. 347 00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:41,015 Listen, your Material is outside. 348 00:15:41,039 --> 00:15:42,005 They wanna come in. 349 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,960 - the sweathogs? Sure, let 'em in. 350 00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:45,975 - okay. 351 00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,578 - hey, how you doin', freddie? - peace, peace. 352 00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:55,764 - hey, you guys out There for the first show? 353 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,287 - nah, nah, nah. 354 00:15:57,322 --> 00:15:59,923 The hip crowd always Hits the late show. 355 00:16:00,925 --> 00:16:02,358 - wow, I'm proud of you. 356 00:16:02,393 --> 00:16:03,359 Look how nice they look, julie. 357 00:16:03,394 --> 00:16:04,360 They got dressed Up and everything. 358 00:16:04,395 --> 00:16:05,573 - I know. Freddie, You look great. 359 00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:06,807 - you like my suit? - uh-huh. 360 00:16:06,831 --> 00:16:07,831 - nice suit, right? 361 00:16:07,866 --> 00:16:08,832 I got it from my friend 362 00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:10,787 Who's in the Dry-cleaning business. 363 00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:14,315 My friend, he Gives me first pick 364 00:16:14,339 --> 00:16:17,540 On anything left over 30 days. 365 00:16:17,575 --> 00:16:18,541 - hey, gabe. 366 00:16:18,576 --> 00:16:20,009 That's a funny joke. 367 00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,010 Dry-cleaning. 368 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:22,286 You oughta use it in your act. 369 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:25,982 - "Use it in the act?" 370 00:16:26,017 --> 00:16:29,586 This backstage Banter is so exciting. 371 00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:36,126 You know, I once saw captain Kangaroo waiting for a cab. 372 00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:40,062 He didn't see me. 373 00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:43,166 - hey, arnold, shut up, huh? 374 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:46,269 So we can tell mr. Kotter The real reason we came here. 375 00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:47,604 - well, I'm sorry. 376 00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:51,375 It was a very important Moment for me. 377 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:52,420 - well, you had your moment. 378 00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:53,810 Now it's over. 379 00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:58,215 - hey, what'd you guys Come to see me about? 380 00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,461 - well, we wanted to let You know how happy we was 381 00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:02,130 About your newfound Career and all 382 00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:04,687 And to wish you mazel tov. 383 00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:06,367 - well, thanks, that's Really nice of you. 384 00:17:06,391 --> 00:17:07,936 How about you Guys? How's it going? 385 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,760 - oh, um, everything is great. 386 00:17:10,795 --> 00:17:11,827 - perfect. 387 00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:12,903 - couldn't be better. 388 00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:14,430 - yeah, it's real good. 389 00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:17,667 - of course, we did Miss you at first. 390 00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:20,537 - that was until we Got our new teacher. 391 00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:23,607 - oh, I bet you've givin' him a Real hard time, aren't you? 392 00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:28,278 - oh, not him, Mrs. Kotter... Her. 393 00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,216 - her? 394 00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:35,029 They gave you guys A woman teacher? 395 00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:36,286 - wow! 396 00:17:38,990 --> 00:17:40,656 - vinnie means yes. 397 00:17:42,494 --> 00:17:46,162 - I never knew school Could be so... Stimulating. 398 00:17:48,099 --> 00:17:50,366 - alright, uh, she Might be pretty, but, uh, 399 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,614 The important thing is are You guys learning anything? 400 00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:53,803 - yes, we are. 401 00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:56,539 We learned that your Legs got a lot to be desired. 402 00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:00,088 - hey, you gonna come Back after the show, 403 00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:01,077 Say "Hello?" 404 00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:02,390 - nah, nah. I don't think so. 405 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:05,015 I mean I gotta get Up early for school. 406 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,549 I don't wanna be late. 407 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,587 If you catch my drift. 408 00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,568 - well, we gotta Go. See you later. 409 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,658 - take it easy. - hasta la vista. 410 00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,293 - tommy lasorda. 411 00:18:24,302 --> 00:18:25,435 - well, 412 00:18:27,171 --> 00:18:30,273 Uh, they seem to be really Enjoying their new teacher. 413 00:18:30,308 --> 00:18:31,441 - yeah, they do. 414 00:18:31,476 --> 00:18:33,943 You a little jealous? 415 00:18:33,978 --> 00:18:36,157 - I told you to walk by, You can't go in there. 416 00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:37,146 Mr. Woodman: come On, gabe kotter's 417 00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,148 a close personal friend of mine. 418 00:18:39,183 --> 00:18:42,218 Kotter, will you tell This punk you know me? 419 00:18:42,253 --> 00:18:44,721 - oh, he's all right. He's My wife's hairdresser. 420 00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:51,595 - very funny, kotter. 421 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,096 Save it for the stage. 422 00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:55,431 I've gotta talk to you. 423 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,111 - sure, mr. Woodman. Sit down. 424 00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:58,279 - it's about the sweathogs. 425 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,936 They've gone crazy. 426 00:19:01,372 --> 00:19:02,883 - mr. Woodman, the Sweathogs were just here. 427 00:19:02,907 --> 00:19:04,574 They seemed fine. 428 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,743 - ah, they were just Putting on an act. 429 00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:09,346 Kotter, they went berserk Ever since you left school. 430 00:19:09,381 --> 00:19:11,292 First, they put casters Under all the office machines 431 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,550 And started a demolition derby. 432 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,223 You think that's funny, julie? 433 00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,703 Well, the school Nutritionist wasn't laughing 434 00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:23,993 When they locked him in The frozen food locker. 435 00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:26,407 If that wasn't bad enough 436 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:27,397 They tried to take His temperature 437 00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:28,765 With a meat thermometer. 438 00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:33,402 - oh! How awful. 439 00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,205 - funny, but awful. 440 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,706 - no, it wasn't. 441 00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:37,874 It was wonderful. 442 00:19:37,909 --> 00:19:39,109 - what? 443 00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:40,721 Did you just say, "It was wonderful?" 444 00:19:40,745 --> 00:19:44,280 - it was a chance to Punish with abandon. 445 00:19:44,315 --> 00:19:45,893 I gave out more Pink slips in one day 446 00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:49,819 Than I did in eight years. 447 00:19:51,322 --> 00:19:54,423 It was woodman's Golden reign of terror. 448 00:19:56,895 --> 00:19:59,796 That glorious time is gone. 449 00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:01,364 - what's goin' on now? 450 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,466 - now, they won't do anything. 451 00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:04,467 They're withdrawn. 452 00:20:04,502 --> 00:20:06,803 They're depressed. 453 00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:09,439 They're like extras In a zombie movie. 454 00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:14,355 Kotter, I'm only Gonna say this once. 455 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,613 It's too humiliating to repeat. 456 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,584 - say what? 457 00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:22,351 - we need you. 458 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:23,831 - what? - oh, come on, kotter. 459 00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:25,689 Don't torture me. 460 00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:27,657 - I'm not trying to torture you. 461 00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:28,658 I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. 462 00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:30,304 - we need you, all Right? You're happy now? 463 00:20:30,328 --> 00:20:32,595 I'm a broken man, you sadist. 464 00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:35,431 You wanna hear it again? 465 00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:36,432 We need you. 466 00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:37,767 We need you! 467 00:20:37,802 --> 00:20:39,201 We need you! 468 00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,757 - well, I never thought That I would see the day 469 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:52,015 That mr. Woodman Says he needs me. 470 00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:55,485 - well, I'm glad he Finally admitted it. 471 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:56,852 - how about those guys, huh? 472 00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:59,756 Coming in here and putting On a number like that? 473 00:20:59,791 --> 00:21:02,525 - I know, their act was Better than yours is. 474 00:21:04,128 --> 00:21:06,028 What are you gonna do, honey? 475 00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:10,366 - as vinnie barbarino Would say, "I'm so confused." 476 00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:14,949 What do you think I should do? 477 00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:17,340 - I think you should go back. 478 00:21:17,375 --> 00:21:21,410 Those kids love you, honey, And you love teaching. 479 00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:26,682 - you're right. 480 00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:28,484 But how can I now? 481 00:21:28,519 --> 00:21:29,485 I mean what do I tell 'em? 482 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,965 Look, guys, when Your dream comes true 483 00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:33,456 You just forget about it. 484 00:21:33,491 --> 00:21:35,524 Julie, if I go out There and do good 485 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,360 That's 32 weeks on the road. 486 00:21:37,395 --> 00:21:39,728 - but if you go out There and do bad 487 00:21:39,764 --> 00:21:41,497 That's back to the classroom. 488 00:21:41,532 --> 00:21:42,498 - I'm not gonna do bad, 489 00:21:42,534 --> 00:21:44,454 I've been doin' Good every night. 490 00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:51,941 - I heard of bombs, mr. Kotter. 491 00:21:51,976 --> 00:21:56,412 But what you did last night, That was a nuclear explosion. 492 00:21:58,516 --> 00:22:00,527 - hey, mr. Kotter, um, They've got a review 493 00:22:00,551 --> 00:22:02,496 Of your act right Here in the newspaper. 494 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:04,653 In the obituary column. 495 00:22:06,591 --> 00:22:09,959 - mr. Kotter, it Was a noble effort. 496 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:11,961 At least you tried. 497 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,063 - yeah, he should be Tried and convicted 498 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:15,898 For joke slaughter. 499 00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:19,113 - okay, people, if You've had your fun, 500 00:22:19,137 --> 00:22:20,281 Can I get back to what I... 501 00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:21,904 - I agree, kotter. 502 00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:24,006 Especially after last night. 503 00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:26,020 It was the first time I Ever saw an audience 504 00:22:26,044 --> 00:22:28,445 Jump up and form a posse. 505 00:22:30,281 --> 00:22:32,682 - you know, mr. Woodman Walked out three times. 506 00:22:32,717 --> 00:22:35,551 Twice on you and Once on the check. 507 00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:39,789 - well, straighten up, kotter. 508 00:22:39,824 --> 00:22:40,868 You're lucky to have Your old job back. 509 00:22:40,892 --> 00:22:43,926 Step outside a minute. 510 00:22:43,962 --> 00:22:45,842 - yeah, okay. I'll Be right back. 511 00:22:50,768 --> 00:22:53,069 - kotter, you couldn't Have been worse last night 512 00:22:53,104 --> 00:22:54,704 If you tried. 513 00:22:54,739 --> 00:22:55,739 Did you? 514 00:22:55,773 --> 00:22:58,474 - did I what? - did you bomb out on purpose? 515 00:22:58,510 --> 00:23:00,154 - what's the difference, Mr. Woodman? 516 00:23:00,178 --> 00:23:02,746 Look, I got a chance To live out a dream. 517 00:23:02,781 --> 00:23:04,114 That's the important thing. 518 00:23:04,149 --> 00:23:07,217 - well, your dream is over. 519 00:23:07,252 --> 00:23:09,252 You better get back To your nightmare. 520 00:23:31,976 --> 00:23:33,075 - well. 521 00:23:34,645 --> 00:23:37,013 Guess that's the end of Your show business career. 522 00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:38,548 - not quite. 523 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,350 Story time. 524 00:23:42,820 --> 00:23:44,398 Which uncle? 525 00:23:44,422 --> 00:23:45,488 - pick one. 526 00:23:47,525 --> 00:23:49,125 - uncle herbert. 527 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,126 - uncle herbert. Okay. 528 00:23:50,161 --> 00:23:51,705 One day uncle herbert's In a movie theatre. 529 00:23:51,729 --> 00:23:54,129 He starts crawling Around under the seats. 530 00:23:54,165 --> 00:23:55,130 Usher comes up to him, 531 00:23:55,166 --> 00:23:56,131 He says, "Sir, What are you doing 532 00:23:56,167 --> 00:23:57,511 Crawling around Under the seats?" 533 00:23:57,535 --> 00:23:58,501 Uncle herbert says, 534 00:23:58,536 --> 00:24:02,271 "I lost a piece of Butterscotch caramel." 535 00:24:02,306 --> 00:24:04,151 keeps on crawling Under the seats. 536 00:24:04,175 --> 00:24:06,242 "Yes, sir, what is so important 537 00:24:06,277 --> 00:24:09,378 About a piece of Butterscotch caramel?" 538 00:24:09,414 --> 00:24:11,258 My uncle herbert Looks up and says, 539 00:24:11,282 --> 00:24:13,282 "My teeth are in it." 540 00:24:23,728 --> 00:24:25,327 ♪ welcome back ♪ 541 00:24:26,531 --> 00:24:30,299 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 542 00:24:30,334 --> 00:24:32,435 ♪ welcome back ♪ 543 00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:37,206 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 544 00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:39,442 ♪ well the names Have all changed ♪ 545 00:24:39,477 --> 00:24:41,577 since you hung around 546 00:24:41,613 --> 00:24:43,490 ♪ but those dreams Have remained ♪ 547 00:24:43,514 --> 00:24:46,115 ♪ and they've turned around ♪ 548 00:24:46,150 --> 00:24:48,284 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 549 00:24:48,319 --> 00:24:50,420 ♪ ♪ 550 00:24:50,455 --> 00:24:52,366 ♪ back here where we need ya? ♪ 551 00:24:52,390 --> 00:24:54,590 ♪ ♪ 552 00:24:54,626 --> 00:24:56,392 ♪ yeah we tease him a lot ♪ 553 00:24:56,428 --> 00:24:58,628 ♪ 'cause we've got Him on the spot ♪ 554 00:24:58,663 --> 00:25:00,763 ♪ welcome back ♪ 555 00:25:00,799 --> 00:25:05,034 ♪ welcome back welcome Back welcome back ♪ 556 00:25:05,070 --> 00:25:08,571 ♪ welcome back welcome Back welcome back ♪ 39748

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