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1
00:00:02,268 --> 00:00:03,479
- yo, mr. Kotter, you
Got to help me quick
2
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:04,469
For my english class.
3
00:00:04,504 --> 00:00:06,315
I need a sentence with
The word "Officiate."
4
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,939
- a sentence with the
Word "Officiate." okay, um,
5
00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:11,442
"My uncle got sick
Because of officiate."
6
00:00:23,489 --> 00:00:26,156
♪ welcome back ♪
7
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:30,027
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
8
00:00:30,062 --> 00:00:32,129
♪ welcome back ♪
9
00:00:32,164 --> 00:00:36,934
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
10
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,203
♪ well the names
Have all changed ♪
11
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:41,339
♪ since you hung around ♪
12
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,441
♪ but those dreams
Have remained ♪
13
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:45,843
♪ and they've turned around ♪
14
00:00:45,878 --> 00:00:47,957
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
15
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:50,181
♪ ♪
16
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,349
♪ back here where we need ya? ♪
17
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,351
♪ ♪
18
00:00:54,386 --> 00:00:56,120
♪ yeah we tease him a lot ♪
19
00:00:56,155 --> 00:00:58,388
♪ 'cause we've got
Him on the spot ♪
20
00:00:58,424 --> 00:01:00,390
♪ welcome back ♪
21
00:01:00,426 --> 00:01:06,330
♪ welcome back welcome
Back welcome back ♪
22
00:01:08,734 --> 00:01:10,568
- please, vinnie, no more.
23
00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:11,647
No more. I'll be good.
24
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:13,504
I'll be a good boy.
25
00:01:15,107 --> 00:01:17,841
Please, just don't tell
No more of your jokes.
26
00:01:17,876 --> 00:01:19,142
- sit down, will you?
27
00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:20,178
Sit down, will you?
28
00:01:20,213 --> 00:01:22,224
Okay, look, this last
Joke, it's really funny.
29
00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:25,082
Everybody last night
Really laughed at this joke.
30
00:01:25,117 --> 00:01:27,452
Okay, um, all right, this guy,
31
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:29,620
He goes to a parking meter.
32
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,434
He puts the dime in
The parking meter
33
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:34,091
And the needle
Goes to 60, right?
34
00:01:34,126 --> 00:01:37,261
And he says, "Oh,
No, I lost 100 pounds."
35
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,845
- and then, um, I
Got this other one
36
00:01:43,869 --> 00:01:45,503
That's really funny too.
37
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:48,317
All right, I taught
My dog how to eat
38
00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:49,806
By the sound of the bell, right?
39
00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,208
So what happens yesterday?
40
00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:53,177
He eats the avon lady.
41
00:02:06,625 --> 00:02:07,591
- what are you groaning about?
42
00:02:07,626 --> 00:02:08,626
I just got here.
43
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:12,196
- hey, vinnie, ask mr. Kotter
One of those jokes.
44
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:13,997
He'll know if it's old.
45
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:15,199
- okay, all right.
46
00:02:16,335 --> 00:02:18,869
Mr. Kotter, okay,
Now everybody thinks
47
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:22,539
That columbus had
Three ships, right?
48
00:02:22,574 --> 00:02:25,709
But you did not know,
He really had four.
49
00:02:25,744 --> 00:02:27,044
- yeah, I knew, vinnie.
50
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,190
- okay, the reason
Was because...
51
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:30,915
What do you mean, you know?
52
00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:31,916
Not supposed to say you know.
53
00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:33,095
You're supposed to
Say, "How come, vinnie?"
54
00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:35,052
And then I tell
You the punch line.
55
00:02:35,087 --> 00:02:37,421
- I'm sorry, vinnie.
I know the joke.
56
00:02:37,456 --> 00:02:38,500
- well, why don't
You go finish it?
57
00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:40,404
You've already ruined my timing.
58
00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:44,140
- I didn't mean to, vinnie.
I just know the joke.
59
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,107
Columbus started
Out with four ships.
60
00:02:46,131 --> 00:02:47,242
But only three reached america
61
00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:49,266
Because one fell over the edge.
62
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:56,007
- you can't laugh at him just
Because he's the teacher.
63
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:57,753
If I was to tell the joke,
You wouldn't have laughed.
64
00:02:57,777 --> 00:02:59,088
You would have
Said, "Old joke, vinnie,
65
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,345
Not funny. Duhh."
66
00:03:03,048 --> 00:03:04,993
- what's all this
Joke business about?
67
00:03:05,017 --> 00:03:06,583
- well, you see, mr. Kotter,
68
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:09,887
Last night vinnie here went
To the comedy connection,
69
00:03:09,922 --> 00:03:14,658
A place that features new
Comedians with old jokes.
70
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,004
- comedy connection?
I've been there.
71
00:03:16,028 --> 00:03:18,195
It's a lot of fun.
You went last night?
72
00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:19,674
Sunday's amateur
Night. That's great.
73
00:03:19,698 --> 00:03:22,165
- did you ever think about
Maybe performing there?
74
00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:23,867
I mean, you fit right in.
75
00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:26,237
Your jokes are as
Old as anybody's.
76
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,484
- you know, one time I
Almost did get up there.
77
00:03:29,508 --> 00:03:31,086
- yeah? What happened?
78
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:34,011
- well, I wanted to go on
Stage but my stomach didn't.
79
00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:35,546
- ha, ha, ha.
80
00:03:35,581 --> 00:03:37,415
- come on, mr. Kotter,
81
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:40,784
Aren't you the
Boss of your body?
82
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:43,899
What are you, stomach pecked?
83
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,404
- look, being a comedian,
To me has always been
84
00:03:49,428 --> 00:03:50,928
Like a secret dream
85
00:03:50,963 --> 00:03:53,664
And I think I should
Leave it that way.
86
00:03:53,699 --> 00:03:56,500
- mr. Kotter, it's great
To have secret dreams.
87
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,135
I got one.
88
00:03:58,170 --> 00:04:00,905
It involves one of
Charlie's angels.
89
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:05,788
- hey, mr. Kotter, ain't
You the guy who told us
90
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,823
When we have a chance
To go for that brass ring,
91
00:04:07,847 --> 00:04:08,979
Just to grab it?
92
00:04:09,014 --> 00:04:10,614
- yeah.
- yeah.
93
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:11,960
- yeah, and ain't you
The guy that told us
94
00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:14,818
If you wants to win,
You gots to play?
95
00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:16,988
- yeah.
96
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:18,700
- and didn't you
Tell me yesterday
97
00:04:18,724 --> 00:04:21,625
That if you don't have
Confidence in yourself,
98
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,994
No one will?
99
00:04:24,029 --> 00:04:24,995
- yeah.
100
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,631
All together: well?
101
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,534
- trapped by my own words.
102
00:04:33,372 --> 00:04:35,150
All right, I'll do it,
This sunday night.
103
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:37,207
- all right!
104
00:04:39,378 --> 00:04:41,338
- what's all the
Noise about, kotter?
105
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,881
- well, this sunday night
I'm going to a nightclub
106
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:47,718
And I'm gonna do a comedy
Routine on amateur night.
107
00:04:47,753 --> 00:04:49,131
- c'mon, kotter,
There is no nightclub
108
00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:51,455
With a night that amateur.
109
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,690
- yeah, mr. Woodman,
110
00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:55,637
I mean, whaddyu know
About nightclubs?
111
00:04:55,661 --> 00:04:56,871
The last time you
Was at a nightclub
112
00:04:56,895 --> 00:04:59,396
The carhop parked your dinosaur.
113
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,411
All together: ha, ha, ha, ha.
114
00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:03,945
- mr. Woodman,
Ain't you ever heard
115
00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:05,202
Of the comedy connection?
116
00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:07,071
It's the in thing to do now.
117
00:05:07,106 --> 00:05:08,405
- are you gonna be there?
118
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:11,041
Oh, I wouldn't miss this
For anything in the world.
119
00:05:11,076 --> 00:05:13,777
You know, kotter, in my
Day I was a champion heckler.
120
00:05:16,648 --> 00:05:19,083
- you're such a sweet
Guy, mr. Woodman.
121
00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:20,795
- my picture hangs
In every post office
122
00:05:20,819 --> 00:05:22,920
In the catskill mountains.
123
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:27,291
You ever heard of
Shecky rabinowitz?
124
00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:28,792
'course you haven't.
125
00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:32,329
I ruined his career
With one heckle.
126
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:35,299
Today he's raising
Earthworms in new jersey.
127
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:38,869
Sunday night, the
Comedy connection.
128
00:05:38,904 --> 00:05:40,704
Ha, ha, ha!
129
00:05:42,808 --> 00:05:45,342
- you're on next, honey.
They just called number 41.
130
00:05:45,377 --> 00:05:47,912
- I don't believe I had to
Take a number when I came in.
131
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:49,947
What is this, a
Nightclub or a bakery?
132
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:54,451
- I'm not sure but just
To cover yourself
133
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,820
When you go out there
You can start with,
134
00:05:56,855 --> 00:05:59,290
"Good evening,
Ladies and muffins."
135
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,871
- julie, what are you
Making jokes for?
136
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:04,405
I've got to go on in 5
Minutes and make jokes
137
00:06:04,429 --> 00:06:05,629
And you're making jokes.
138
00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:07,342
- I'm sorry.
- that's not bad.
139
00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:08,744
You know, that might
Be a good opening.
140
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:10,112
"Ah, good evening,
Ladies and gentlemen,
141
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:12,347
You know, I just got here
And they made me take a number.
142
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:14,416
I wasn't sure whether this
Is a nightclub or a bakery.
143
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,974
Well, anyway, good
Evening, ladies and muffins."
144
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:20,544
- don't use it.
145
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,746
Just be yourself.
146
00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:27,117
You're funny, you're charming
And you have a twinkle.
147
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,653
- I think my twinkle
Just went out.
148
00:06:29,688 --> 00:06:31,466
I got to get 'em
Right away, you know?
149
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:32,667
I mean, you need a good opening,
150
00:06:32,691 --> 00:06:34,291
Something that really grabs 'em.
151
00:06:34,326 --> 00:06:37,194
- oh, if you want to grab
'em, instead of a tuxedo,
152
00:06:37,229 --> 00:06:39,296
You should have
Rented a gorilla.
153
00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:45,535
- muffin was funny.
Gorilla, forget about.
154
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:49,473
- you all set, shecky, huh?
155
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,978
Hey, guy, what's the matter?
156
00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:56,346
You look as
Nervous as a gorilla.
157
00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:00,028
- where'd you get that gorilla?
158
00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:01,018
- out there.
159
00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:03,486
Number 41 said the
Audience was so bad
160
00:07:03,522 --> 00:07:06,557
That the only thing that
Could grab 'em was a gorilla.
161
00:07:10,362 --> 00:07:12,396
- did he say anything
About muffins?
162
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,232
- nah.
163
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,401
That was number 38.
164
00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:18,714
Yeah, he came
Out there and said,
165
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:21,004
"Good evening,
Ladies and muffins."
166
00:07:22,541 --> 00:07:24,253
- I don't believe
It. I'm number 42.
167
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,255
They've probably heard
Every joke in the world by now.
168
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,544
- yeah, you're right.
169
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:29,758
Well, look, I just came in
Here to wish you good luck
170
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:33,116
And tell you to break an arm.
171
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:38,588
- the expression is
"Break a leg," juan.
172
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:39,990
- whatever it takes.
173
00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:45,507
- well, might as
Well go out there.
174
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:46,830
It's gonna be any minute now.
175
00:07:46,865 --> 00:07:48,065
- good luck, honey.
176
00:07:51,837 --> 00:07:53,781
- you think I'm gonna
Get any laughs?
177
00:07:53,805 --> 00:07:56,507
- well, if you don't,
Your suit will.
178
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,244
- very funny, julie.
- yeah.
179
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:09,419
- as ed sullivan used to
Say, "Really big, really big.
180
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:14,724
Right here on our stage
We have world war ii
181
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:19,829
And the original cast,
Really big, really big.
182
00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:20,909
- 'scuse me there, fella.
183
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:23,534
How much do you
Charge to haunt a house?
184
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:29,773
- if you people ever get a
Chance to be an audience,
185
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:31,241
Don't take it.
186
00:08:31,276 --> 00:08:33,054
- hey, why don't you
Call christian barnard
187
00:08:33,078 --> 00:08:35,578
And get a joke transplant?
188
00:08:41,353 --> 00:08:44,454
Announcer: number 42 is next, a
Schoolteacher from brooklyn.
189
00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:45,855
gabe kotter.
190
00:08:53,999 --> 00:08:56,366
- thank you. Thank
You very much.
191
00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:57,602
It's nice to be here tonight.
192
00:08:57,636 --> 00:08:58,602
- excuse me.
193
00:08:58,637 --> 00:09:00,282
What did the penguin
Do after you mugged him
194
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,439
And took away his suit?
195
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:07,010
- mr. Woodman,
Give him a chance.
196
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,712
- it's nice to be here tonight.
197
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:10,180
I have some funny relatives.
198
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,782
Like, there's my aunt rhoda.
199
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,817
She's been married so many times
200
00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:15,853
She has rice scars on her face.
201
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:23,126
She's the only lady I know
202
00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:25,429
That has a wash-and-wear
Wedding dress.
203
00:09:33,672 --> 00:09:34,905
- well, c'mon.
204
00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:36,373
Don't you get it?
205
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,909
Wash-and-wear
Wedding dress, laugh.
206
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:47,718
- I have an aunt elsie who
Used to yell at my uncle al.
207
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:50,521
"Al," she would say, "You
Give me so much trouble,
208
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:53,791
When you die I'm gonna
Dance on your grave."
209
00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:56,559
Well, my uncle al would say,
210
00:09:56,595 --> 00:09:59,395
"I'm gonna be buried
At sea. Let her dance."
211
00:10:00,665 --> 00:10:04,067
- why don't you
Bury your act at sea?
212
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,070
You afraid it'll kill the fish?
213
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:10,685
- hey, hey, hey, hey. Wait
A second, wait a second.
214
00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:11,674
Where you folks goin'?
215
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:13,088
The man here he
Ain't done with his act.
216
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,989
- yeah, that would be very
Impolite for you to leave.
217
00:10:15,013 --> 00:10:17,180
And very unhealthy.
218
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:18,181
Have a seat.
219
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:19,293
Thank you very much
For the nice show.
220
00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:20,650
- sit down, relax.
221
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:23,120
- yeah, everybody, no
One has to leave yet.
222
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:24,487
I got a million jokes.
223
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:25,622
- oh yeah?
224
00:10:25,657 --> 00:10:27,802
Well, why don't you take
The rest home in a doggy bag?
225
00:10:30,095 --> 00:10:31,862
- hey, mr. Woodman,
226
00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:34,698
Why don't you put your
False teeth in backwards
227
00:10:34,733 --> 00:10:37,167
And bite yourself to death?
228
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,542
- c'mon, folks, c'mon, listen.
229
00:10:45,577 --> 00:10:47,811
Let me tell you about
Another aunt I have.
230
00:10:47,846 --> 00:10:55,119
She's so skinny she
Wears snow shower...
231
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,021
Wait a second.
232
00:10:57,056 --> 00:11:00,690
She's so skinny she wears
Snow shoes in the shower
233
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:04,360
Otherwise she'll get
Sucked down the drain.
234
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,465
Here's my uncle max.
235
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:11,535
My uncle max, he's, um...
236
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:17,408
Look, I don't know.
237
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:18,409
I'm sorry.
238
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:21,145
I'm not a comedian, I
Shouldn't be up here.
239
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:26,283
It was stupid for me
To... Have a good time.
240
00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:34,357
- well, I hope you're
All happy now.
241
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:36,659
That man's got babies at home.
242
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,197
- oh, yeah?
243
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:42,899
They're lucky they don't
Have to listen to his act.
244
00:11:44,636 --> 00:11:47,437
All right, bring on number 43.
245
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,690
- it was okay. You had
Some nice moments.
246
00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:56,791
- you did all right, mr. Kotter.
247
00:11:56,815 --> 00:11:58,059
Better luck next time, you know?
248
00:11:58,083 --> 00:11:59,382
- it's all right.
249
00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:01,718
- oh, it wasn't that bad, honey.
250
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,754
It was that bad.
251
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:09,093
- you was really doing great
'til you opened your mouth.
252
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:12,396
- at least your suit was funny.
253
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:15,698
Yeah.
254
00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:18,501
- chin up, little buckaroo.
255
00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:22,772
You did your best.
256
00:12:22,807 --> 00:12:24,407
- yeah, I guess so, arnold.
257
00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:27,577
It's not my fault if my
Relatives aren't funny.
258
00:12:27,612 --> 00:12:28,578
- that's the spirit, honey.
259
00:12:28,613 --> 00:12:30,814
You have got nothing
To be ashamed of.
260
00:12:30,849 --> 00:12:32,827
- you know, I've got
Something to be ashamed of.
261
00:12:32,851 --> 00:12:34,518
I laughed at him.
262
00:12:36,455 --> 00:12:37,765
I can never come
Back here again.
263
00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:39,501
Everyone's gonna think
There's something wrong with me.
264
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:41,157
They're gonna think I'm weird.
265
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:45,762
- look, guys, you
Wanted me to try and I did.
266
00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:50,066
Now, if you don't mind,
I'll see you tomorrow.
267
00:12:50,101 --> 00:12:51,301
- right on, man, sure.
268
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:52,947
- you take care.
- you did all right, you know?
269
00:12:52,971 --> 00:12:54,904
- yeah, look, that's
Show biz, huh?
270
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:55,940
- yeah.
271
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:00,109
- I'm proud of you.
272
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:03,046
- c'mon, honey.
273
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,760
Everything's gonna be all right.
274
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,650
- yeah, let's go home.
- okay.
275
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:09,253
- hey, don't tell the
Girls what happened.
276
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,221
- okay.
277
00:13:11,256 --> 00:13:12,856
- gabe kotter?
- yeah.
278
00:13:12,891 --> 00:13:13,924
- nice to meet you.
279
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:15,191
Peter charnoff.
280
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:16,638
- oh, hi. This is my wife julie.
281
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:17,672
This is mr. Charnoff.
282
00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:19,107
- hi.
- hi.
283
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,264
- creative talent agency?
284
00:13:21,299 --> 00:13:22,666
I think you got the wrong guy.
285
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:23,667
- I'm in the nightclub division.
286
00:13:23,702 --> 00:13:26,169
We're always looking
For new talent.
287
00:13:26,204 --> 00:13:28,049
- well, now I know
You got the wrong guy.
288
00:13:28,073 --> 00:13:29,272
- forget about tonight.
289
00:13:29,307 --> 00:13:32,208
There's some crazy old man
Out there heckling everybody.
290
00:13:34,479 --> 00:13:36,519
You know, I hope I
Never see him again.
291
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:39,883
- I wish I could be that lucky.
292
00:13:39,918 --> 00:13:41,084
- look.
293
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,053
I think you're a funny guy.
294
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:44,822
Your trouble is material.
295
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:46,734
Number one, you
Need somethin' fresh.
296
00:13:46,758 --> 00:13:47,869
Somethin' that fits you.
297
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:48,893
Have a seat.
298
00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:54,230
- have a seat.
- oh.
299
00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:56,978
- now, what do
You do for a living?
300
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,002
- I'm a teacher.
301
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,447
- all right, what do you teach?
302
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:01,772
- uh, social studies
For under achievers.
303
00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:03,351
- not bad. That could be funny.
304
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:06,009
- oh, it is funny. You
Should meet the sweathogs.
305
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:07,455
- yeah, you should
Meet the sweathogs.
306
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,319
- sweathogs? What's sweathogs?
307
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:11,026
- sweathogs are
The kids I teach.
308
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,616
- I love it. I'm
Laughin' already.
309
00:14:16,988 --> 00:14:19,423
- you don't look
Like you're laughing.
310
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:21,391
- it's inside here.
311
00:14:21,426 --> 00:14:23,059
Where it counts.
312
00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:24,727
Now tell me about these kids.
313
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:27,096
- well, um, see, there's
Arnold horshack.
314
00:14:27,132 --> 00:14:28,309
- great name. Love it.
315
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:29,465
What's he like?
316
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:32,169
- well, he's short, he's
Got a kinda pointy nose.
317
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:35,238
He laughs...
318
00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:37,685
- you wouldn't believe the laugh
319
00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:40,010
That's going on
Inside me right now.
320
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:43,891
- you know, you
Better watch out.
321
00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:46,216
You could get an
Ingrown chuckle.
322
00:14:47,852 --> 00:14:49,597
- I'm serious. This
Stuff is great.
323
00:14:49,621 --> 00:14:50,621
You got more?
324
00:14:50,655 --> 00:14:52,695
- sure, I got more.
There's juan epstein.
325
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,690
He's a tough guy.
326
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,459
He was voted most
Likely to take a life.
327
00:14:56,494 --> 00:14:58,595
Then there's uh... - no. Stop.
328
00:14:58,630 --> 00:15:00,230
You're killing me here.
329
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:04,334
Look, you put these
Kids in your routine
330
00:15:04,369 --> 00:15:06,303
You got yourself
A nightclub act.
331
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:08,571
Now, I'll see you here
Next sunday night.
332
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:09,572
- what?
333
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:10,974
- next sunday.
334
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,744
Do the new stuff. Talk
About the kids, right?
335
00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,112
- yeah, sure. Right.
336
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,827
- great. See you then.
337
00:15:20,052 --> 00:15:23,319
- honey, remind me next
Week to bring my stethoscope.
338
00:15:23,354 --> 00:15:25,222
- stethoscope? Why?
339
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:28,458
- for once, I would like
To hear that man laugh.
340
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:31,428
- funny, julie, very funny.
341
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,229
- I'm getting funnier.
342
00:15:35,133 --> 00:15:36,098
- all right, guys,
I think I got it.
343
00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:38,012
Let me try it, all
Right? No interruptions.
344
00:15:38,036 --> 00:15:40,770
- just a minute!
345
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:44,508
Mr. Music, can I have
A drum roll, please?
346
00:16:02,894 --> 00:16:04,928
Thank you, boys.
347
00:16:06,397 --> 00:16:11,167
Okay, ladies and
Gentlemen, here he is!
348
00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:12,502
Gabe kotter!
349
00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:16,084
- thank you. Thank you.
350
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,186
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a
Schoolteacher in brooklyn
351
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,554
And I got this crazy
Bunch of students.
352
00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:21,845
They call themselves
The sweathogs.
353
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:22,846
Let me tell you about 'em.
354
00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:23,959
Well, there's freddy washington,
355
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,481
we sorta call him "Boom boom."
356
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:26,482
that's his nickname, boom boom,
357
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:27,617
And he walks like this.
358
00:16:27,652 --> 00:16:28,618
You know, you see him
Walking down the street,
359
00:16:28,653 --> 00:16:29,893
He's always walking like this.
360
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,392
And he says "Hi, there."
361
00:16:36,427 --> 00:16:37,427
- wrong. Relax.
362
00:16:37,462 --> 00:16:38,561
Take a break.
363
00:16:39,631 --> 00:16:41,798
Now, mr. Kotter, I
Don't walk like this.
364
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:44,601
I don't do that, see?
365
00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:46,347
What I do is I relax,
I let myself hang.
366
00:16:46,371 --> 00:16:48,538
I let it stay back
And I just give it.
367
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:50,407
"Hi, there."
368
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:51,586
Checkin' me out?
- yeah, yeah.
369
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:52,576
- think you can handle it?
- I can do it.
370
00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:53,577
- think you can hang?
- yeah.
371
00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:54,689
- lemme see you hang.
Lemme see you hang.
372
00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:55,823
You loose? Get some rhythm.
373
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:57,425
Move them hips, all right.
You doin' nice, all right.
374
00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:58,659
Hang back and give
It to me. You ready?
375
00:16:58,683 --> 00:16:59,727
- yeah.
- you ready?
376
00:16:59,751 --> 00:17:01,229
- yeah.
- let it go.
377
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:02,852
- hi, there.
378
00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:06,634
- it's gonna take a lot
More than practice
379
00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:08,258
To get him to look like me.
380
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,561
How fast do you tan?
381
00:17:13,064 --> 00:17:14,708
- sit down.
- coppertone?
382
00:17:14,732 --> 00:17:16,099
- sit down!
383
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,235
All right, the next
Sweathog is juan epstein.
384
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:22,104
Juan epstein is half jewish
And half puerto rican.
385
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:24,907
His favorite dish
Is matzo ball tacos.
386
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:32,315
- funny. That's funny.
387
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:34,128
- juan has a very strange walk.
388
00:17:34,152 --> 00:17:36,720
He walks like he's got
His lunch in his shoes.
389
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:39,689
Somethin' like this.
390
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:44,594
- come on, come on.
391
00:17:44,629 --> 00:17:47,097
Don't be crazy.
Nobody walks like that.
392
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:53,403
Lookie here, you gotta
Go for the gold, you know?
393
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:55,872
Why don't you try some
Of my old notes on 'em?
394
00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:57,318
- notes, one of your
Notes! That's a great idea.
395
00:17:57,342 --> 00:17:58,308
- yeah, yeah.
396
00:17:58,343 --> 00:17:59,654
All right, now
What you gotta do is
397
00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:02,512
You gotta ask for a
Category and improve it.
398
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:03,691
Okay. Give me a category.
399
00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:05,415
Go ahead.
- uh, space program.
400
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:06,416
- all right, that's
Good, that's good.
401
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:07,617
Let's see, uh, um.
402
00:18:07,652 --> 00:18:11,020
Dear mr. Kotter, please
Excuse juan for being absent.
403
00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:15,959
He got chosen by nasa to
Be the first punk in orbit.
404
00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:17,961
See? Use the a stuff.
405
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:19,240
- that's funny. All
Right, I'll do it now.
406
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:20,264
Great, great, okay.
407
00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:21,698
Epstein always has these...
408
00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:27,670
What are you doing?
- I'm the cocktail waitress.
409
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,774
You gotta get into
The reality of this.
410
00:18:31,809 --> 00:18:33,221
- will you sit down? Come on.
411
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:34,910
- keep your hands off me.
412
00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:38,314
I'm goin' steady with the owner.
413
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,221
- I give it six months.
414
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:49,593
- mr. Kotter, don't you
Pay them no mind at all.
415
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:50,828
Go ahead, talk about me now.
416
00:18:50,862 --> 00:18:53,597
Go ahead, go ahead.
417
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,076
- arnold horshack. That's right.
418
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,544
That's the actual
Name of a kid in my class.
419
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:57,712
His name is arnold horshack.
420
00:18:57,736 --> 00:18:58,768
He goes like this.
421
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:01,805
"Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh."
422
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,006
- no, no, no.
423
00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:05,841
No, no, no.
424
00:19:05,877 --> 00:19:07,755
- I thought you said that
You weren't gonna interrupt.
425
00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:09,757
- well, if you wanna
Be sloppy about it.
426
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:11,059
- all right, all right,
All right, all right.
427
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,048
What am I doing wrong?
428
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:14,684
- well, first of all, it's
More rounded tones.
429
00:19:14,719 --> 00:19:15,919
"Ohh, ohh-ohh!"
430
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:18,054
- ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh.
431
00:19:18,089 --> 00:19:19,055
- now cut it off. Cut it off.
432
00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:21,223
Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh.
433
00:19:21,259 --> 00:19:22,225
You got it, you got it!
434
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:24,260
- ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh.
435
00:19:24,295 --> 00:19:25,773
- now with the arm,
Now with the arm.
436
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:26,908
And you gotta hold it up.
437
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:28,164
- ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh.
438
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,377
- louder! Oh, you got it!
439
00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:31,111
- ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh.
- you got it!
440
00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:33,770
- ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh.
441
00:19:37,775 --> 00:19:39,742
- nice to hear the
Old songs, kotter.
442
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:45,749
- mr. Woodman, mr. Kotter
Was rehearsing his act here.
443
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:46,928
- you're gonna do it again?
444
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:50,019
- yes, yes. Some guy figured
Out why I bombed last time.
445
00:19:50,054 --> 00:19:51,488
- oh, I could've told you that.
446
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,789
You went on stage.
447
00:19:58,463 --> 00:19:59,963
- all right, forget about him.
448
00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:01,809
Ladies and gentlemen, I
Have another student.
449
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:03,599
His name is vinnie barbarino.
450
00:20:03,634 --> 00:20:06,369
Vinnie barbarino is very
Popular with the ladies.
451
00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:08,838
In fact, if information
Can't find a number,
452
00:20:08,873 --> 00:20:10,173
They call vinnie.
453
00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:16,056
He's the only student
I know that's listed
454
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,580
In the guinness book of hickies.
455
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:25,199
Yeah, well, I gotta say one
Thing about the sweathogs.
456
00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:26,289
They're non-violent.
457
00:20:26,324 --> 00:20:27,857
They don't believe in guns.
458
00:20:27,892 --> 00:20:29,636
They insert the
Bullets manually.
459
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:34,975
Remember when I say
About juan epstein?
460
00:20:34,999 --> 00:20:36,377
Well, whenever
He's late or absent
461
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,968
He always brings in a note
And he writes it himself.
462
00:20:39,003 --> 00:20:39,969
Here's one.
463
00:20:40,004 --> 00:20:41,924
An actual note
That juan handed in.
464
00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:44,907
"Dear mr. Kotter,
Please excuse juan
465
00:20:44,942 --> 00:20:46,543
For being absent for two days.
466
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:47,777
He was flown to rome
467
00:20:47,812 --> 00:20:50,112
For an ecumenical
Council with the pope."
468
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:54,917
- it's uh, it's signed
"Epstein's mother."
469
00:20:58,723 --> 00:21:01,524
Well, what can I tell you
People about the sweathogs
470
00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:03,959
That you already haven't
Heard on your police radios?
471
00:21:07,532 --> 00:21:08,498
Hey, thank you.
472
00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:09,499
And as the sweathogs would say,
473
00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:11,634
"Up your noses
With rubber hoses."
474
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:12,670
Goodnight.
475
00:21:25,116 --> 00:21:27,076
- you were beautiful,
Sweetie, baby!
476
00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:29,018
- hear that, julie?
477
00:21:29,053 --> 00:21:30,764
I've been promoted
To "Sweetie baby."
478
00:21:30,788 --> 00:21:32,655
- excuse me, lady.
479
00:21:32,690 --> 00:21:34,690
I'm eddie mitzer, the owner.
480
00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:36,026
You did a great job tonight.
481
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:37,638
- well, thank you
Very much, eddie.
482
00:21:37,662 --> 00:21:38,628
- starting tuesday,
483
00:21:38,663 --> 00:21:40,074
I can get you two
Weeks in jersey city
484
00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:41,397
At the steaming chips inn.
485
00:21:41,432 --> 00:21:42,999
$500 a week.
486
00:21:43,034 --> 00:21:44,467
- $500 a week?
487
00:21:44,502 --> 00:21:45,679
Charnoff: if you do good,
After that I get you
488
00:21:45,703 --> 00:21:47,937
playboy clubs,
Colleges, concerts.
489
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,172
And I'm really very
Happy for you inside here.
490
00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:51,674
Where it counts.
491
00:21:52,778 --> 00:21:55,712
- wow, that's a
Really tempting offer.
492
00:21:55,747 --> 00:21:56,779
- yee-hoo!
493
00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:02,997
- howdy, guys. You
Know something?
494
00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:04,432
I come here a lot
And I always wanted
495
00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:05,755
To try to get up on stage.
496
00:22:05,790 --> 00:22:07,134
- well, I'm really glad you did.
497
00:22:07,158 --> 00:22:08,870
See you next week.
You've got a great talent.
498
00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:10,337
Don't waste it. Hey baby!
499
00:22:10,361 --> 00:22:12,241
- so what do you say, gaby baby?
500
00:22:14,032 --> 00:22:16,010
- well, I don't know. This
Is all happening so fast.
501
00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:19,402
That's... I suppose I could
Get a leave of absence.
502
00:22:19,437 --> 00:22:20,403
Charnoff: yeah, well, c'mon.
503
00:22:20,438 --> 00:22:21,738
- what do you think, julie?
504
00:22:21,773 --> 00:22:23,939
- kotter. Kotter,
You're over 30.
505
00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:25,853
C'mon, take the
Shot while you got it.
506
00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:28,277
- mr. Kotter, you was terrific.
507
00:22:29,313 --> 00:22:30,491
Mr. Kotter: thank you, guys.
508
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,359
You know, I mean, this is like
A dream come true for me.
509
00:22:32,383 --> 00:22:33,627
You know, I dreamt
That something like this
510
00:22:33,651 --> 00:22:35,952
Would one day happen
And it's... I can't believe it.
511
00:22:35,987 --> 00:22:38,621
- how many people get to
See their dreams come true?
512
00:22:38,657 --> 00:22:39,622
You know, it's the right move.
513
00:22:39,658 --> 00:22:41,725
I can feel it, here. Inside.
514
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,159
C'mon, what do you say?
515
00:22:46,565 --> 00:22:48,542
- well, I guess, you
Know, if you get a chance
516
00:22:48,566 --> 00:22:52,001
To grab at that brass ring,
You better take it, right?
517
00:22:54,138 --> 00:22:55,182
- all right. Quiet everybody.
518
00:22:55,206 --> 00:22:57,607
Quiet. I have an announcement.
519
00:22:57,642 --> 00:23:01,577
Starting this tuesday,
For mr. Gabe kotter,
520
00:23:01,612 --> 00:23:04,680
It's goodbye teaching,
Hello show business.
521
00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:23,778
Narrator: is gabe kotter serious
522
00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:26,035
about doing standup comedy?
523
00:23:26,070 --> 00:23:29,472
more important, is he
Funny doing standup comedy?
524
00:23:29,507 --> 00:23:32,741
will he hit the heights,
The skids or the road?
525
00:23:32,777 --> 00:23:36,513
will woodman quit his job and
Become a professional heckler?
526
00:23:36,548 --> 00:23:39,315
has kotter turned his
Back on the sweathogs?
527
00:23:39,350 --> 00:23:42,184
now, who will teach
These delightful lads?
528
00:23:42,219 --> 00:23:45,155
does julie want this for gabe?
529
00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:48,591
can a man make a whole
Career out of epstein's walk?
530
00:23:48,626 --> 00:23:50,593
horshack's laugh?
531
00:23:50,628 --> 00:23:53,095
barbarino's charm?
532
00:23:53,130 --> 00:23:55,464
and washington's cool?
533
00:23:55,500 --> 00:24:00,069
find out next week on part
Two of "Welcome back, kotter."
534
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:03,072
personally, I think the
Kid's gonna make it big.
535
00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:14,784
♪ welcome back ♪
536
00:24:14,819 --> 00:24:18,587
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
537
00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:20,723
♪ welcome back ♪
538
00:24:20,758 --> 00:24:25,528
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
539
00:24:25,563 --> 00:24:27,663
♪ well, the names
Have all changed ♪
540
00:24:27,699 --> 00:24:29,899
♪ since you hung around ♪
541
00:24:29,934 --> 00:24:32,101
♪ but those dreams
Have remained ♪
542
00:24:32,136 --> 00:24:34,370
♪ and they've turned around ♪
543
00:24:34,405 --> 00:24:36,505
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
544
00:24:36,541 --> 00:24:38,585
♪ ♪
545
00:24:38,609 --> 00:24:40,609
♪ back here where we need ya? ♪
546
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,745
♪ ♪
547
00:24:42,781 --> 00:24:44,513
♪ yeah we tease him a lot ♪
548
00:24:44,549 --> 00:24:46,949
♪ 'cause we've got
Him on the spot ♪
549
00:24:46,985 --> 00:24:48,885
♪ welcome back ♪
550
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:53,223
♪ welcome back welcome
Back welcome back ♪
551
00:24:53,258 --> 00:24:58,427
♪ welcome back welcome
Back welcome back ♪
552
00:24:58,463 --> 00:25:02,165
♪ we always could
Spot a friend ♪
553
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,400
♪ welcome back ♪
554
00:25:04,435 --> 00:25:06,569
♪ and I smile when I think... ♪
40765
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