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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,736 --> 00:00:04,702 - here you are, kotter. 2 00:00:04,737 --> 00:00:07,338 - oh, mr. Woodman, 3 00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:09,607 I ever tell you about My uncle moreau? 4 00:00:09,642 --> 00:00:10,941 He was a biologist. 5 00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:14,211 One time he crossed a Tarantula and a horse. 6 00:00:15,781 --> 00:00:16,814 - what did he get? 7 00:00:16,849 --> 00:00:18,393 - he doesn't know, But if it bites you, 8 00:00:18,417 --> 00:00:20,257 You can ride it to the doctor. 9 00:00:32,631 --> 00:00:35,399 ♪ welcome back ♪ 10 00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:39,203 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 11 00:00:39,238 --> 00:00:41,372 ♪ welcome back ♪ 12 00:00:41,407 --> 00:00:46,143 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 13 00:00:46,178 --> 00:00:50,514 ♪ well the names have all Changed since you hung around ♪ 14 00:00:50,549 --> 00:00:54,985 ♪ but those dreams have remained And they've turned around ♪ 15 00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:57,121 ♪ and who'd have Thought they'd lead ya ♪ 16 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,135 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 17 00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,159 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 18 00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:03,194 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 19 00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,262 ♪ yeah we teased him a lot ♪ 20 00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,565 ♪ 'cause we got Him on the spot ♪ 21 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,567 ♪ welcome back ♪ 22 00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:14,372 ♪ welcome back welcome Back welcome back ♪ 23 00:01:20,913 --> 00:01:22,980 - hey, epstein. 24 00:01:23,015 --> 00:01:24,548 Epstein, come here. 25 00:01:27,386 --> 00:01:29,487 What's takin' him so long, huh? 26 00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:31,433 Hey, look, you sure Carvelli's gonna show up, huh? 27 00:01:31,457 --> 00:01:32,423 - sure, sure I'm sure. 28 00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:33,424 - well, I can't stand Out in this cold 29 00:01:33,459 --> 00:01:34,470 Much longer, you know. 30 00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:37,395 My afro's liable to Freeze and snap off. 31 00:01:38,397 --> 00:01:41,865 - hey, look, carvelli's Rotten but the man is reliable. 32 00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:43,478 - hey, look, you sure mr. Kotter Don't know nothin' about this? 33 00:01:43,502 --> 00:01:44,980 - he don't know Nothin' about this. 34 00:01:45,004 --> 00:01:46,515 - well, I just hope carvelli's Bringing enough term papers 35 00:01:46,539 --> 00:01:48,105 For all of us guys to pass. 36 00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:49,840 - yep. Five bucks apiece. 37 00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,775 They're all guaranteed a's. 38 00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:52,776 - top quality, huh? 39 00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:54,545 - you bet. Just the top. 40 00:02:00,419 --> 00:02:01,686 - hi, there. 41 00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:04,255 - hi, there. 42 00:02:06,225 --> 00:02:08,125 Oh. 43 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,326 Hi, there. 44 00:02:10,829 --> 00:02:11,829 - bye, there. 45 00:02:13,866 --> 00:02:15,443 - what's the matter With freddie? 46 00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:17,667 Does it have something To do with my deodorant? 47 00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:19,564 - what are you doin' here? 48 00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:24,575 - I work here. 49 00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:26,621 - well, I... I bet You'd like to be 50 00:02:26,645 --> 00:02:27,790 Up in your classroom right now 51 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,191 Preparin' for your classes, huh? 52 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:30,426 I mean, a teacher Like you must prepare 53 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,716 15, 20 minutes Just for one class. 54 00:02:32,751 --> 00:02:33,929 Look, I know I go Into your class, 55 00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:34,918 You are one prepared... 56 00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:35,919 - epstein! Epstein: I never seen... 57 00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:38,822 - I'm goin' upstairs right Now! Are you coming? 58 00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:40,457 - uh, no. No. 59 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:41,625 I'm gonna stand here 60 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:44,060 And, uh, break in a New pair of socks. 61 00:02:45,130 --> 00:02:46,096 - oh, well, come on. 62 00:02:46,131 --> 00:02:47,097 Class starts in A couple minutes. 63 00:02:47,132 --> 00:02:48,410 Epstein: yeah, yeah. 64 00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:01,178 - well, well, well. 65 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,947 Epstein. 66 00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:07,551 The man who put the "Sweat" into "Sweathog." 67 00:03:07,586 --> 00:03:09,153 - hear that, epstein? 68 00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:12,223 Carvelli say you put the "Sweat" in "Sweathogs." 69 00:03:13,225 --> 00:03:15,726 - I heard him, murray. 70 00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,595 Look, you got the term papers? 71 00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:21,465 - yeah, I got... I got a More important question. 72 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:22,599 Have you got the money? 73 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,802 - yeah, I got twenty bucks. 74 00:03:24,837 --> 00:03:26,136 I want four of 'em. 75 00:03:26,171 --> 00:03:27,271 - yeah, you sure? 76 00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:30,074 Because for another five bucks 77 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:33,477 You can have your Teacher pushed under a bus. 78 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:39,116 - and, uh, for an extra ten, I Make it look like an accident. 79 00:03:40,953 --> 00:03:42,986 - that's cute, Murray. I like that. 80 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:44,233 - aw, come on. Come on. Hurry up. 81 00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,101 I don't want nobody To see me here talkin'. 82 00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:47,769 I feel disgustin' What I'm doin'. 83 00:03:47,793 --> 00:03:49,192 I feel sick inside. 84 00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:50,839 - yeah, yeah. I heard That before, sure. 85 00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:52,029 Alright, let's see. 86 00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:53,197 Epstein. 87 00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:57,568 Your category was Social studies for $20. 88 00:03:57,603 --> 00:04:00,337 Heh! It sounds like a Game show, don't it? 89 00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:02,651 - you hear that, epstein? 90 00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:05,643 Carvelli wants to know if It sounds like a game show. 91 00:04:06,745 --> 00:04:10,314 - sure, I'll take Paul linn to block. 92 00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:15,397 - all right, all right. 93 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:16,531 Come on. Come on, Murray. Let's... Let's go here. 94 00:04:16,555 --> 00:04:19,589 Let's show mr. Epstein Our impressive line of, 95 00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,025 Uh, term papers. 96 00:04:25,597 --> 00:04:27,442 All right, I think You're gonna like this. 97 00:04:27,466 --> 00:04:29,432 Aw, this is a beautiful one. 98 00:04:29,468 --> 00:04:35,005 The real story of joan of arc." 99 00:04:36,308 --> 00:04:37,574 Take a look. 100 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,650 It's a good paper. It's a strong paper. 101 00:04:39,678 --> 00:04:41,578 A lot of vowels. 102 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,514 You'll like it. 103 00:04:43,549 --> 00:04:45,394 - you sure these papers Is on the up-and-up? 104 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:46,495 - hey! Hey, hey. Come on! 105 00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:50,821 These papers are guaranteed Or your money back. 106 00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:53,090 - aw, that's what I like About you, carvelli. 107 00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:55,760 You stand behind what you steal. 108 00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:01,044 - hey, what's happenin' mikey? - and walk. 109 00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:03,233 - hey, I got 'em. 110 00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:04,335 I... I got 'em. 111 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,648 - what are they on? What are they on? 112 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:06,637 - yeah. 113 00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,972 - now, freddie, you Got "The dust bowl." 114 00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:13,277 - hey, epstein, 115 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:15,812 I can't do no term Paper on dust. 116 00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:17,948 I hate dust. 117 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:22,319 Besides, dust killed My great grandmother. 118 00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:24,388 - what? 119 00:05:24,423 --> 00:05:26,067 Dust killed your Great grandmother? 120 00:05:26,091 --> 00:05:28,526 - aw, no, freddie. Tell me it ain't so. 121 00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:32,541 - okay, I'm gonna tell y'all. 122 00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:33,909 I'm gonna tell you Just how it happened. 123 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:35,944 See, one day my great Granny was shakin' her mop 124 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,935 Out a window... - uh-huh. - yeah. 125 00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:38,936 - when all of a sudden, 126 00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:40,348 This big, powerful Gust of wind came in 127 00:05:40,372 --> 00:05:42,406 And sucked her and The mop straight up 128 00:05:42,441 --> 00:05:45,308 And took 'em clear Over to new jersey. 129 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,478 - you lyin'. 130 00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:52,362 - would you believe Pennsylvania? 131 00:05:53,552 --> 00:05:54,518 - now, here. 132 00:05:54,553 --> 00:05:55,864 Now that we got that Settled, here vinnie, 133 00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,989 You got "The great Irish potato famine." 134 00:06:01,226 --> 00:06:03,226 - "The great irish Potato famine"? 135 00:06:03,261 --> 00:06:06,563 What's... What's so good about A great irish potato famine? 136 00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:07,809 - well, I know... I know What that was about. 137 00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:08,899 I know that one. 138 00:06:08,934 --> 00:06:12,035 That's when the whole Country ran out of potatoes. 139 00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:13,615 - the whole country Ran out of potatoes? 140 00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:15,873 - yeah. 141 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:17,352 - imagine all the Butter and sour cream 142 00:06:17,376 --> 00:06:18,742 That was left there? 143 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:24,681 - well, speakin' of sour cream, Where's arnold horshack? 144 00:06:24,716 --> 00:06:26,082 - uh, arnold is already in there 145 00:06:26,118 --> 00:06:27,996 Having his conference With mr. Kotter. 146 00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,564 - so, arnold, have you Decided what you're gonna do 147 00:06:29,588 --> 00:06:31,455 Your term paper on? 148 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:38,429 - so, mr. Kotter, How's the family? 149 00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:39,630 - fine. Everybody's fine. 150 00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:41,009 Arnold, I think an Interesting subject... 151 00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:44,034 - the twins are gettin' big. 152 00:06:44,069 --> 00:06:45,581 - yeah, they're Growin' every day. 153 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:46,570 You know, arnold, 154 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:47,849 I'd like to see you do Something different... 155 00:06:47,873 --> 00:06:52,375 - and ain't it amazing how fast Mrs. Kotter got her figure back? 156 00:06:53,812 --> 00:06:55,379 - amazing. 157 00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:57,248 - you too. 158 00:06:58,784 --> 00:07:01,718 - arnold, are you gonna do A term paper on my family? 159 00:07:18,370 --> 00:07:21,671 - hey, mr. Kotter, I gotta Go to the bathroom. 160 00:07:22,941 --> 00:07:24,975 - I'm glad epstein reminded you. 161 00:07:26,411 --> 00:07:27,978 - don't go away. Okay? 162 00:07:28,013 --> 00:07:29,013 - I'll be here. 163 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,227 - epstein, I don't Want to be pushy, 164 00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:35,051 But would you mind telling me What I'm doing my term paper on? 165 00:07:35,087 --> 00:07:36,219 - sure. 166 00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:39,323 You got "Joseph Stalin and the purges." 167 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,495 - who were the purges? 168 00:07:45,497 --> 00:07:48,966 - uh, I think they was Joe's backup group. 169 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,645 - yeah, yeah. They had A big hit awhile back 170 00:07:50,669 --> 00:07:53,370 Called "The volga boatmen." 171 00:07:53,405 --> 00:07:54,537 - "The volga boatmen"? 172 00:07:54,573 --> 00:07:56,740 Oh, I hate "The volga boatmen." 173 00:07:56,775 --> 00:07:57,741 Freddie: why? 174 00:07:57,776 --> 00:07:59,220 - because on the Staten island ferry 175 00:07:59,244 --> 00:08:00,210 You see 'em all the time. 176 00:08:00,245 --> 00:08:01,756 They're dirty, they talk dirty, 177 00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:04,447 They spit on themselves. 178 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:06,283 It's disgusting. I hate 'em. 179 00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:08,085 - hi, guys. 180 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,798 - hey, angie, what's happenin'? - hi, angie. 181 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,399 - have you started Your term paper yet? 182 00:08:11,423 --> 00:08:12,389 - yeah, I already finished mine. 183 00:08:12,424 --> 00:08:13,591 Lookit, right here. 184 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:17,761 - oh, I was thinking about Doing mine on marilyn monroe. 185 00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:19,863 - why stop there? 186 00:08:19,898 --> 00:08:21,343 Why not do all of Those bleached blondes 187 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,267 And call it "Roots"? 188 00:08:27,205 --> 00:08:28,906 - thanks. 189 00:08:30,442 --> 00:08:32,142 - listen, little juan, 190 00:08:32,177 --> 00:08:34,545 I just don't feel right About this whole thing. 191 00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,691 I mean, turning in Somebody else's term paper. 192 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:36,925 That's not right. I'm sorry, but... 193 00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:38,315 - come on, arnold horshack. 194 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:41,184 It's time you faced The facts of life. 195 00:08:44,022 --> 00:08:46,223 Not those facts. 196 00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:48,825 Come on, idiot. 197 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:52,396 Now look, it's better To cheat with honor 198 00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:55,399 Than fail with disgrace. 199 00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:59,169 All right, now I want You to get back in there... 200 00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:00,237 - yeah? 201 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,483 - and I want you to Remember one thing for me. 202 00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:03,607 - what? - joseph stalin. 203 00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,086 - joseph... - you say it. 204 00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:06,821 - joseph stalin. - that's it. He got it. 205 00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:09,713 - joseph sta... Would you Repeat that for me? Refresh... 206 00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,181 - will you get in there? 207 00:09:16,155 --> 00:09:17,120 - everything okay, arnold? 208 00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:18,989 - joseph stalin! 209 00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:24,922 - was he in the bathroom With you and epstein? 210 00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:29,299 Mr. Kotter! 211 00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:34,004 That's what I want to do my Term paper on: joseph stalin. 212 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,575 Oh, I admire joseph stalin. 213 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,556 - arnold, if you want to Do a term paper on stalin, 214 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,580 That's fine. 215 00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,380 Let's not admire the man. 216 00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:45,883 He sent 25 million innocent Men, women, and children 217 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:48,218 To labor camps in siberia. 218 00:09:48,253 --> 00:09:50,254 What do you admire about that? 219 00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:51,255 - the trains. 220 00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,490 He always got Them there on time. 221 00:09:57,062 --> 00:09:59,029 - arnold, go to the library, 222 00:09:59,064 --> 00:10:01,298 Read a little bit About joseph stalin. 223 00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:02,911 You'll find him in Between attila the hun 224 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,167 And jack the ripper. 225 00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:12,209 - right you are, mr. Kotter, And as they say in siberia, brr! 226 00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:15,278 Yeah. 227 00:10:18,717 --> 00:10:22,652 - mr. Kotter, are you Ready to see me now? 228 00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:23,953 - I'm ready to see you now. 229 00:10:23,989 --> 00:10:25,955 - good, 'cause I'm runnin' late. 230 00:10:27,292 --> 00:10:28,737 Mr. Kotter, I just Want to tell you 231 00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:32,562 How excited I am about This... This term paper. 232 00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:35,765 It's... It's... It's all I Can think about lately. 233 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,111 Really, vinnie? Vinnie: yeah. 234 00:10:37,135 --> 00:10:38,379 - I'm happy to see You so involved. 235 00:10:38,403 --> 00:10:40,804 - oh, yes. I'm... I'm really into it. 236 00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:45,409 - well, what subject are You gonna write about? 237 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:46,976 - what? 238 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:51,547 - what subject have you Decided to do your term paper on? 239 00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,889 - um... 240 00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:01,825 Just give me a Sec. I'll think of it. 241 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:03,638 - does it have anything To do with history? 242 00:11:03,662 --> 00:11:07,730 - yeah. Oh, the... The... The Great french-fried phantom. 243 00:11:14,773 --> 00:11:15,783 - the french-fried phantom? 244 00:11:15,807 --> 00:11:17,586 - yeah. I just heard the news. 245 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,276 No potatoes. 246 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,424 I think... I think It happened in... 247 00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,080 In england or ireland, 248 00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:28,118 Someplace where they Speak english really funny. 249 00:11:28,153 --> 00:11:30,887 - as opposed to brooklyn, Where we speak it perfectly. 250 00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:32,389 - yes. 251 00:11:32,424 --> 00:11:35,058 - what are you talking About, french-fried phantom? 252 00:11:35,093 --> 00:11:36,060 - the phantom, you know, 253 00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,172 When you can't Get nothin' to eat, 254 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,595 You got a phantom. 255 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,365 - famine! 256 00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:44,902 Famine! The french-fry famine? 257 00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:46,236 Irish potato famine? 258 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,138 - yeah, that's it. That's it. 259 00:11:48,173 --> 00:11:49,139 It's... It's the same thing. 260 00:11:49,174 --> 00:11:51,094 I just said it a Little different. 261 00:11:52,144 --> 00:11:53,109 - of course, it's The same thing: 262 00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:55,879 French-fried phantom, Irish potato famine. 263 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:59,549 - must've been really Terrible, huh, mr. Kotter? 264 00:11:59,584 --> 00:12:01,529 I mean, imagine going To a place in a country, 265 00:12:01,553 --> 00:12:03,453 You could order a hamburger 266 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,324 And get a side order of nothing. 267 00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:26,009 - hi there, sweet stuff. 268 00:12:32,651 --> 00:12:35,251 - how you doing, My spicy pumpkin? 269 00:12:37,055 --> 00:12:38,366 - I'm in a great Mood today, kotter. 270 00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:40,990 Did you see that new Spanish teacher I hired? 271 00:12:41,026 --> 00:12:42,204 - oh, yeah. I just Saw her in the hall. 272 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,561 She's a little difficult To understand, isn't she? 273 00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:45,562 - she talks a lot better 274 00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:47,697 When she takes the Rose out of her mouth. 275 00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:50,633 Whenever she speaks, 276 00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:52,413 I can almost hear The sound of... 277 00:12:52,437 --> 00:12:54,271 Castanets. 278 00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:56,273 - I think it's loose dentures. 279 00:12:59,010 --> 00:13:01,744 - what happened to the Fire in your soul, kotter? 280 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:02,924 - oh, don't mind Me, mr. Woodman, 281 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,882 My pilot light just went out. 282 00:13:05,917 --> 00:13:06,917 - fire! 283 00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:10,420 Ole! 284 00:13:12,557 --> 00:13:13,589 Hello, julie. 285 00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:19,195 - what's with him? 286 00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:21,898 - he, uh, is in love with The new spanish teacher. 287 00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:24,267 - really? Does he speak spanish? 288 00:13:24,302 --> 00:13:27,604 Taco and bell. 289 00:13:29,174 --> 00:13:30,140 What's that? 290 00:13:30,175 --> 00:13:32,409 - oh! We're having a picnic. 291 00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:34,222 - a picnic? I thought we Were goin' out to eat. 292 00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:36,613 - oh, I thought this Would be more fun. 293 00:13:36,648 --> 00:13:38,715 - oh yeah, that's sweet. 294 00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:39,849 A picnic. 295 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,019 Did you bring any ants? 296 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:44,921 - I tell you what. 297 00:13:44,956 --> 00:13:49,760 I won't bring any ants if You won't bring any uncles! 298 00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:57,300 - very funny. 299 00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:58,768 - hmm! 300 00:13:58,803 --> 00:14:00,937 Which tree should I Spread the blanket under? 301 00:14:00,972 --> 00:14:01,938 - well, not this one. 302 00:14:01,973 --> 00:14:04,374 There's too many Pigeons up there. 303 00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:06,221 How 'bout the one over There by the bend in the chairs? 304 00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:09,212 - okay, honey. How's The grading going? 305 00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:10,947 - very strange. 306 00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:12,793 - well, what's so Strange about it? 307 00:14:12,817 --> 00:14:15,852 - well, so far, every paper I've read has been terrific. 308 00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:18,188 - well, what's wrong with that? 309 00:14:18,223 --> 00:14:20,423 - julie, they are sweathogs. 310 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:23,827 Sweathogs do not get a's. 311 00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:25,128 - and what about vinnie? 312 00:14:25,163 --> 00:14:26,641 - I always save Vinnie's for last. 313 00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:29,266 He always reads better When I'm a little tired. 314 00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:33,114 I'd better grade Juan's while we eat. 315 00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:34,805 - okay. 316 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,240 - he's writing it on Franklin roosevelt. 317 00:14:37,275 --> 00:14:40,543 "Franklin delano roosevelt, By juan delano epstein." 318 00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:41,678 - here, let me see. 319 00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:46,883 - you know, it's really strange. 320 00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:47,963 When I was in high school, 321 00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,220 I did my term paper On franklin roosevelt. 322 00:14:50,255 --> 00:14:51,221 Julie: hmm. 323 00:14:51,256 --> 00:14:52,222 - I called him "A Mighty white knight 324 00:14:52,257 --> 00:14:54,357 That fights for what's right." 325 00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:55,393 - hmm. 326 00:14:56,695 --> 00:14:58,195 Really? 327 00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,264 So does juan. 328 00:15:04,202 --> 00:15:07,637 - "Mighty white knight who Tried to do what was right." 329 00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:11,674 This is it. 330 00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:14,211 This is the paper I Handed in 11 years ago. 331 00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:22,964 - hey, epstein, what Happened? Huh? 332 00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:23,954 I mean, what happened? 333 00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,033 Tell me what happened, huh? 334 00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:26,601 These papers here was Supposed to be guaranteed. 335 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:27,590 What happened? 336 00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:29,437 Mr. Kotter, he gave us all f's. 337 00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,528 - yeah, five bucks For an "F", epstein. 338 00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:33,897 I could've done it for Free and gotten one. 339 00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:37,645 - look, I... I... I don't Know what went wrong. 340 00:15:37,669 --> 00:15:38,712 I mean, these were foolproof. 341 00:15:38,736 --> 00:15:41,671 They never failed to Get good grades before. 342 00:15:41,706 --> 00:15:44,140 - he knows. Mr. Kotter knows. 343 00:15:44,175 --> 00:15:46,042 He knows! He knows! 344 00:15:46,077 --> 00:15:47,611 Mr. Kotter knows! 345 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:50,147 He knows! He knows! 346 00:15:54,452 --> 00:15:56,853 - arnold, he doesn't know. 347 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,666 - how do you know He doesn't know? 348 00:15:58,690 --> 00:15:59,934 - 'cause if he knew, We'd know he knew 349 00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:02,992 Because if he knew He'd let us know. 350 00:16:03,995 --> 00:16:06,229 - that's easy for you to say. 351 00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:09,010 - well, I don't care If he knows or not. 352 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:11,868 All I know is that you Better get our money back. 353 00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:14,103 - all right, jack. Be cool, sly. 354 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,050 I'm workin' on it. I'm workin' on it. 355 00:16:16,074 --> 00:16:18,742 - oh yeah? 356 00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:20,744 Work a little harder. 357 00:16:20,779 --> 00:16:23,513 - yeah, work overtime. 358 00:16:23,548 --> 00:16:25,115 - yeah! 359 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,224 Come on, you guys. 360 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,492 - get our money back. 361 00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:41,097 - hi, juan. How you doing? 362 00:16:41,132 --> 00:16:43,132 - I seen better Days. I seen worse. 363 00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:44,245 - how'd you do on Your term paper? 364 00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:46,736 I got a b-minus. 365 00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:48,772 - I should've bought Mine from you. 366 00:16:51,743 --> 00:16:54,711 - well, well, well. 367 00:16:54,746 --> 00:16:58,315 You must be the... The New little sweathogess. 368 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,152 When you get Tired of these guys, 369 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,486 Look me up, you know. 370 00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:04,654 - you hear that? 371 00:17:04,689 --> 00:17:08,491 When you get tired Of them, look us up. 372 00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:12,762 - I will, in the yellow Pages under "Sleazeballs." 373 00:17:16,768 --> 00:17:18,079 - that's cute. She's Real cute, you know, 374 00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:22,706 But she'd be cuter with A mouthful of marbles. 375 00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:23,706 - you know, carvelli, 376 00:17:23,742 --> 00:17:26,376 You have to move Up just to be the pits. 377 00:17:27,879 --> 00:17:28,845 - that's pretty good. 378 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,248 - that's what You think, epstein. 379 00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:34,183 My man, carvelli Don't have to move up. 380 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:36,753 He's already the pits. 381 00:17:42,093 --> 00:17:46,095 - hey, murray, you know, If you ever find yourself, 382 00:17:46,130 --> 00:17:48,130 You're going to be Very disappointed. 383 00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:51,980 - hey, carvelli. - what is it? 384 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,648 - I want you to Take a look at this, 385 00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:56,372 'cause this here, the bum Term papers you sold us, 386 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:57,919 They all got f's. Take a look. 387 00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,487 - what do you mean? This is impossible. 388 00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:02,378 These papers always Got good grades before. 389 00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:03,647 I know what it is, epstein. 390 00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:04,948 I'll tell you right now. 391 00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:06,282 You are stupid. 392 00:18:06,317 --> 00:18:07,884 So are your teachers. 393 00:18:07,919 --> 00:18:10,654 - and duuuuuuumb! 394 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,433 - hey, murray, Stick to what I say 395 00:18:12,457 --> 00:18:15,325 And don't paraphrase, all right? 396 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:19,396 - hear that, epstein? Don't paraphrase. 397 00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:24,233 - yeah, well, these papers, You know, they was guaranteed 398 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,213 So why don't you just Cough up our money? 399 00:18:26,237 --> 00:18:27,637 - oh yeah? Or what? 400 00:18:27,672 --> 00:18:30,507 - or you're gonna be Coughing up internal organs. 401 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,020 - you think I'm gonna Cough organs? 402 00:18:33,044 --> 00:18:35,323 I don't think you... You Know who you're speaking to. 403 00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:36,646 - are you talking to me? 404 00:18:36,681 --> 00:18:38,781 - no, I'm talking to The bushes over there. 405 00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:40,128 - well, you must Be talking to me 406 00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:41,362 'cause there ain't Nobody else here. 407 00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:42,964 - aw, yeah, that's really funny. 408 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:45,922 - leg to stand on. 409 00:18:45,957 --> 00:18:48,625 - hey, hey, hey. What's goin' on? 410 00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,260 - nothin', nothin' nothin'. 411 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:54,097 Hey, that's a nice Coat. Use another one? 412 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:56,533 - I'll let you know. 413 00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:59,046 You guys, uh, helpin' each other With your geometry homework? 414 00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:00,514 - yeah, yeah, That's it: geometry. 415 00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:02,083 - come on, we gotta Go, we gotta go. 416 00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:03,506 Let's go, little obtuse. 417 00:19:03,541 --> 00:19:05,421 Let's go get little hypotenuse. 418 00:19:06,945 --> 00:19:09,245 Obtuse hypotenuse! 419 00:19:10,982 --> 00:19:15,318 - hey, mr. Kotter, do you Mind if I ask you a question? 420 00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:17,654 - no, go ahead, juan. 421 00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:21,124 - how come these perfectly Good term papers got f's? 422 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,237 - well, I don't know what You're complaining about. 423 00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:24,227 They're perfectly good f's. 424 00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,008 Besides, you didn't Write them yourselves. 425 00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:29,332 In fact, I think You bought them. 426 00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:31,934 - you're accusing Me, juan epstein, 427 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:34,010 A perfectly good And upstanding citizen 428 00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:37,240 Of this here community Of... Of cheatin'? 429 00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:39,675 I'm at a loss for words. 430 00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:40,676 - the paper you handed in 431 00:19:40,711 --> 00:19:42,878 Was one I handed In 11 years ago. 432 00:19:49,253 --> 00:19:51,087 - it's a small world, isn't it? 433 00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:55,135 Well, look, you ain't Gonna get it out of me 434 00:19:55,159 --> 00:19:56,593 Who I got 'em from. 435 00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:57,739 I mean, that would Be rattin', right? 436 00:19:57,763 --> 00:20:00,007 And even though I'd be Rattin' on a dirty, rotten fink, 437 00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:02,532 I just ain't gonna tell ya. 438 00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:04,645 - well, you don't have To rat on anybody, juan. 439 00:20:04,669 --> 00:20:06,669 I already know it was carvelli. 440 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,625 - good. Wanna know Where he lives? 441 00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:12,153 - don't have to Tell me that, juan. 442 00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:15,312 Honorable father already Know where he lives. 443 00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:17,647 - gee, pop, you know everything. 444 00:20:18,783 --> 00:20:21,484 - honorable father very Smart, number one son. 445 00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:24,921 Buy xerox at 42. 446 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,789 Sell it at 43. 447 00:20:27,892 --> 00:20:30,060 - how did you figure On carvelli, pop? 448 00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:32,728 - ah, good question, Number one son. 449 00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:34,730 Old chinese proverb: 450 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:37,100 Man who try to Pull wool over eyes 451 00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:39,469 Wind up with sheep on face. 452 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:47,043 - psst! Hey, epstein. 453 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,278 Epstein. 454 00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:49,279 - carvelli, what Are you doing...? 455 00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:51,747 - shh! Epstein, I'm Outta business. 456 00:20:51,783 --> 00:20:53,823 Half of brooklyn's Out to break my face. 457 00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:54,962 What's the story, epstein? 458 00:20:54,986 --> 00:20:57,031 - look, kotter blew the Whistle on the phony paper scam. 459 00:20:57,055 --> 00:20:58,688 The man knew all along. 460 00:20:58,723 --> 00:21:00,056 - oh, I can't believe it. 461 00:21:00,091 --> 00:21:01,902 - yeah, he passed out a List of all the phony papers 462 00:21:01,926 --> 00:21:03,504 To all the teachers In the district. 463 00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:05,095 - that dirty rat. 464 00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:06,374 - every time one Of them turns up, 465 00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:07,963 They get a big f. 466 00:21:07,999 --> 00:21:09,632 - that guy's the lowest. 467 00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:11,245 I never heard of anything So dirty or rotten 468 00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:13,103 Or underhanded. 469 00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:16,473 Could use a guy like that. 470 00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:19,353 - so, what are you Gonna do with yourself 471 00:21:19,377 --> 00:21:20,576 Now that the heat's on? 472 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,923 - I don't know. I think maybe I'll, uh, steal a motor home 473 00:21:22,947 --> 00:21:25,915 And just sleep until The heat's off, you know. 474 00:21:25,950 --> 00:21:26,916 See ya later. 475 00:21:26,951 --> 00:21:27,983 - see ya. 476 00:21:28,019 --> 00:21:30,019 Don't forget to Back over yourself. 477 00:21:32,390 --> 00:21:33,355 - epstein, I'm glad you're here. 478 00:21:33,391 --> 00:21:34,791 Come on. 479 00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:36,693 All right, now I have decided 480 00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:39,228 To give all you guys One more chance. 481 00:21:39,263 --> 00:21:40,997 Now, count it: one. 482 00:21:44,536 --> 00:21:46,169 All: one. 483 00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:50,084 - I want you to make sure You do your term papers 484 00:21:50,108 --> 00:21:51,807 Yourselves this time. 485 00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:52,809 - all right, but mr. Kotter, 486 00:21:52,844 --> 00:21:55,878 Can I still do the Potato famine? 487 00:21:55,914 --> 00:21:57,480 - oh, I don't think so, vinnie. 488 00:21:57,515 --> 00:21:59,160 - mr. Kotter, I'll do It different this time. 489 00:21:59,184 --> 00:22:00,150 I'll... I'll... I'll do it 490 00:22:00,185 --> 00:22:02,185 From the point of View of the potato. 491 00:22:06,991 --> 00:22:09,659 - make sure you go to The library this time, okay? 492 00:22:09,694 --> 00:22:10,738 - I mean, like, what for? 493 00:22:10,762 --> 00:22:12,682 Nobody ain't sellin' no Term papers there, right? 494 00:22:17,936 --> 00:22:19,168 Just... Just kiddin'. Foolin'. 495 00:22:19,204 --> 00:22:23,906 - well, I for one am very happy To vindicate myself, mr. Kotter, 496 00:22:23,942 --> 00:22:26,208 And I've even made Up my own topic: 497 00:22:26,243 --> 00:22:32,014 The story of a man all Wrapped up in himself." 498 00:22:34,419 --> 00:22:35,918 - hey, mr. Kotter, 499 00:22:35,953 --> 00:22:37,531 How come you gonna Give us a second chance? 500 00:22:37,555 --> 00:22:38,521 Huh? How come? 501 00:22:38,556 --> 00:22:39,522 - yeah. Why you doin' this, man? 502 00:22:39,557 --> 00:22:40,667 - why you change Your mind on us? 503 00:22:40,691 --> 00:22:45,194 - well, I told you guys that When I went to school here 504 00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:46,695 I handed in that term paper? 505 00:22:46,731 --> 00:22:48,631 Vinnie: mmm-hmm. epstein: yeah. 506 00:22:48,666 --> 00:22:49,666 - but, 507 00:22:51,769 --> 00:22:53,169 I never said I wrote it. 508 00:22:58,510 --> 00:23:00,610 - he is kidding us, isn't he? 509 00:23:00,645 --> 00:23:02,111 - aw, he must be kidding. 510 00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:04,058 He would never do Anything like that. 511 00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:06,182 - oh, yes he would, Arnold horshack. 512 00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:07,317 He wasn't kiddin'. 513 00:23:07,352 --> 00:23:09,385 - kiddin' about what? 514 00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:12,823 - what's the matter? You got no brains... 515 00:23:14,859 --> 00:23:16,192 - something like that. 516 00:23:16,227 --> 00:23:18,461 - I'm so confused! 517 00:23:20,064 --> 00:23:21,064 - come on! 518 00:23:28,372 --> 00:23:29,906 - hi, honey. 519 00:23:29,941 --> 00:23:31,974 - hi. Another picnic? 520 00:23:32,009 --> 00:23:33,153 - the other one Went over so great, 521 00:23:33,177 --> 00:23:34,655 I thought you Deserved another one. 522 00:23:34,679 --> 00:23:36,824 - okay, but this time I gotta Bring one of my uncles. 523 00:23:36,848 --> 00:23:38,681 Okay, which one. 524 00:23:38,716 --> 00:23:39,849 - my uncle joe. 525 00:23:39,884 --> 00:23:41,417 - the drunk! 526 00:23:41,453 --> 00:23:42,796 - that's right, my Uncle joe the drunk. 527 00:23:42,820 --> 00:23:44,832 Now, one time he was in a Bar, he's makin' a lot of noise, 528 00:23:44,856 --> 00:23:46,400 And this woman comes Over and she says, 529 00:23:46,424 --> 00:23:48,191 "Sir, you are a drunk 530 00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:50,104 And you're making Too much noise." 531 00:23:50,128 --> 00:23:51,128 - what did he say? 532 00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:55,098 - he said, "My dear Woman, you're ugly." 533 00:23:56,534 --> 00:23:58,801 And she says, "Well, You are the drunkest man 534 00:23:58,836 --> 00:24:00,436 I've ever seen in my life." 535 00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:01,571 And he says... 536 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:04,841 - and he says, "But I'll wake Up tomorrow morning sober 537 00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:07,310 And you'll still be ugly." 538 00:24:26,764 --> 00:24:28,498 ♪ welcome back ♪ 539 00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:33,302 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 540 00:24:33,338 --> 00:24:35,471 ♪ welcome back ♪ 541 00:24:35,506 --> 00:24:40,309 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 542 00:24:40,345 --> 00:24:42,445 ♪ well the names Have all changed ♪ 543 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,414 since you hung around 544 00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:46,582 ♪ but those dreams Have remained ♪ 545 00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:49,018 ♪ and they've turned around ♪ 546 00:24:49,053 --> 00:24:51,253 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 547 00:24:51,289 --> 00:24:53,456 ♪ ♪ 548 00:24:53,491 --> 00:24:55,425 ♪ back here where we need ya? ♪ 549 00:24:55,460 --> 00:24:57,693 ♪ ♪ 550 00:24:57,729 --> 00:24:59,128 ♪ yeah we tease him a lot ♪ 551 00:24:59,163 --> 00:25:01,664 ♪ 'cause we've got Him on the spot ♪ 552 00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:03,766 ♪ welcome back ♪ 553 00:25:03,802 --> 00:25:08,071 ♪ welcome back welcome Back welcome back ♪ 554 00:25:08,106 --> 00:25:09,106 ♪ welcome back ♪ 39957

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