All language subtitles for Party.Girl.1995.1080p.BluRay.x264-USURY-English

- Damn it, look over there
'cause I heard it drop somewhere.

It's got to be here somewhere,
I just, I just heard it drop.

It's a little plastic baby boy in a noose.

It's gotta be here somewhere.

Vicky, look for it, look.

I cannot make my big
entrance with one earring on.

This is ridiculous, I've just gotta.

Thank you, Emma, yes.

Five pesos, please.

You in charge?

Who wants to know?

- The National fucking Enquirer.

- Officer, you don't understand.

This is a benefit for the

United Coalition for the
Children of Chinatown Project.

We want to get the kids off the streets,

and into the schools, and
that's legal, officer, I have a

prescription for that-
Party's over!

That was prescribed
for the pain of my treatment

that I'm going through.

- You picked the wrong
faggot to fuck with.

- Who, that guy Carlos?

- Carl.

- It was a one night stand,
Derrick, what do you expect?

- I've gotta find him.

- These cops, look,

didn't you see those cops?

- Did you throw up?

- I've got to split, love,
you know, immigration.

Nigel?

I'll ring you later.

What's up with
this, can I get my money?

Sorry about this, really, sorry.

- Yo, this isn't even $50, you said 130.

Leo, if I had the
money, I would give it to you-

- Mary, this is a mess-

- T-O apostrophe up, a mess.

- I know it, it's fire-

- Let me do you a favor.

Sorry about this.

Okay, you let
me stay here tonight.

I'm so sorry.

And I'll let you pay me next week.

Come on, I was kicked out of my place.

- No, no, I'm sorry-
- Excuse me.

Ivana, we really must go.

- Ivana, I like that, that's funny.

Did you hear about the cop

who arrested the governor's daughter?

I'll tell you about it.

Yo, Mary.

One night!

For illegal
operations of a social club,

unlawful sales of liquor
without a liquor license,

possessions of controlled substance,

possessions of pirated videocassettes,

aiding and abetting minors.

- Hi, Judy, sorry to wake you.

Mary.

Mary.

Your goddaughter, Mary.

Prison, but it won't happen again.

Excuse me, can I get a
falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush,
and a seltzer, please?

Excuse me, can I have a falafel?

- They put toothpicks in falafel.

- Can I have a falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush,
and a seltzer, please?

Hold the toothpick.

- Okay.

Do you like this kind of music?

- Sure, what kind of music is it?

- It's, uh, it's from the Middle East.

It's a very sad, very beautiful song.

- Thanks.

- And for dessert, do you know lokum?

- No, what's in it?

I'm probably allergic to it.

- I guarantee you're not
allergic to Turkish delight.

It's very, very good, try it.

- Are you from Turkey?

- Me, no, I'm, I'm from Lebanon.

- So where's the Lebanese delight?

- You want Lebanese delight?

- Sure, bring it out.

Excuse me, could you tell me

where I could find Judy Lindendorf?

- And you were looking for?

- Hannah Arendt, the historian.

- Of course, over there

you'll find the 300s, social science.

- Hi, Judy, I brought you a falafel.

You know, in all the
excitement last night,

we forgot to arrange for that
loan we had talked about.

Can you believe it?

I think I have a police
brutality case, I really do.

Okay, 100 bucks, that should do

until my cash flow
situation clears up, 80?

You're tough, 60 bucks,
it's my final offer.

- A loan, in addition to the bail money?

- You know I'm good for it.

- Quite the contrary, phone calls

from the slammer do not
inspire fiscal confidence.

What are you gonna do?

- About what?

- About money, there's still your rent,

the lawyer for your court date.

That bail cost me.

Where do you work?

- I'm freelancing.

Why don't you
get a job as a waitress?

- I am not a waitress.

- All right, then.

Why don't you try to get
a job at a cleaning shop?

- Do you realize how broke I am?

What do you want me to do, huh?

I don't have a job.

I'm a loser, shoot me!

- Do you have a problem

with modern European
political thought in general,

or is it a particular vendetta
against Hannah Arendt?

Excuse me?

- Hannah Arendt, every
single Hannah Arendt book

on the shelf was out of sequence.

I am so sorry.

You must understand we are
reeling from budget cuts.

- Right.

- What a dick.

- He's not a dick, he's a patron.

I lost two dedicated clerks last month

because I couldn't afford to
pay them a competitive wage.

They make more money at McDonald's.

You, no, a girl like you could never.

- What do you mean, a girl like me?

- Your mother was a woman
with no common sense.

Of course, your father was
a man without a conscience.

- You think I couldn't be a librarian?

- Darling, a librarian is a professional

with a master's degree in Library Science.

Even a clerk, who merely
shelves and stamps.

- You think I couldn't be a library clerk?

- Your mother was a woman
with no common sense.

- You think I couldn't be a library clerk?

- A library clerk is smart, responsible-

- You don't think I'm smart enough to work

in your fucking library?

- I think nothing of the sort.

- You're ashamed of me.

Judy, you're my only family,
and you're ashamed of me.

- Fine, you can start right now.

- Fine, I will, great.

- Wanda, this is my goddaughter, Mary.

She's our newest clerk.

- I assume you're familiar
with the Dewey Decimal system?

- And then I'm standing there
with my hand on the needle,

and I can't do a fucking thing,

because I can't find the beat.

And there's a delay,
so the beats don't match up.

And then it just goes
off, can you believe it?

Everybody stops dancing,

and they're all staring at
me, waiting, it's horrible.

- Something's different,

where'd you put the Gaultier jacket?

- Behind the newly expanded
diva velvet glam section

right here, hiding from
such scavengers as yourself.

- And my hand's shaking,
and I'm like, paralyzed.

Right, it's the same dream every night.

- Maybe, maybe I'll rent this place out

and start an aerobics center.

Pack this place in, and 20 bucks a head,

Mr. Lu's got his rent,
I've got new clothes.

And Leo, and one and
two, and shoulders back,

and down, and up, and up.

I thought you got a job.

- Oh God, don't remind me,

it's so cell block H meets
4H club, it's very that.

Yeah, I can't
see you in a library.

- And the head librarian
was a friend of my mother's.

She's dead now.

How'd her mother passed away?

- DWI, that's why she only
takes public transportation.

- Don't mix those up!

- What, they're jeans.

- Yeah, they're in order.

- Mary, they're jeans.

- Yes, Derrick, they're
jeans, and they're in order.

Don't mix them up.

- I thought maybe, you know Rene, right?

I thought maybe you could hook me up.

You know, give her my tape?

- I'll see what I can do.

- Let's get out of here.

- What do you think of
this Princess Leia thing

I've got going on?

- Something must have happened to Carl.

I haven't seen him anywhere.

I hope he didn't go back to Munich.

It was a one night stand.

- Oh, I love this song.

- You know, at one point, he said,

"I don't understand
you," isn't that wild?

He saw how complex I am.

- Maybe he just didn't.

- Didn't what?

- Understand you, you said
his English wasn't very good.

Maybe he just didn't understand you.

Lushka, muffin!

- All right, move aside,
over now, over now.

Lovely.

- Morning, sunshine.

- Go back where you came from.

- Yo, what the fuck, asshole?

Move it man, I'm with her.

- Oh, yeah, right.

Lay off me, man,
come on, I'm with her-

- Freeze with the rest
of us, motherfucker.

- He's with me.

Nigel, this is Leo, Leo, Nigel.

- Nice to meet you.

- We met at the shower.

- Shower, what shower?

- At the party, remember the shower?

Man, you were gone.

- What are you talking about?

- You did it again?

- What?

- You pissed in my shower again, Nigel?

- That's it.
- Look, Mary,

- I don't remember.
- It's over.

Exactly, I don't care.

Nigel, that's it, it's over, it's over.

- Why?

- Because-

- Don't fucking eyeball me.

- Because you lower my worth.

- Worth?

- Nigel, a woman can go out with a guy

who's smart, funny, intelligent,

and by virtue of the
fact that she goes out

with him on the basis of worth.

- You're fucking cruising
for a bruising, my friend.

Oh, come on, now.

- But you, the way you
behave lowers my worth.

Don't take it personally,
I still care about you.

Oh, oh, get him off.

Hey, somebody get help!

Somebody get help!

Somebody help!

- Hey.

Get him off my pavement.

- Right, with pleasure,
lady, this place is bullshit.

All you fucking suckers
should go somewhere else,

'cause this is fucking Manhattan
fucking bullshit, bullshit!

- Rene, you look fab.

- There's a cover.

- Mary, Mary!

Does this mean we're not getting married?

- He-he-hello!

He-he-hello!

- When you give her the tape,

just be very straightforward,
and don't talk about money.

What's up, buttercup?

- The rent, and I'm not paying.

Why don't you tell her you were spinning

at a club in London in the fall?

- What club?

- I don't know, make something up.

- Why did I leave?

- Leo, improvise, you got sick
of the London street fashion,

all those hats, and your tape is good.

Your tape is good, but with Rene,

it's really gotta come
down to a sort of vibe.

- Yeah, what kind of vibe?

- Either she likes you or she doesn't.

Just don't be wimpy when you talk to her.

Sometimes you can be really-

- Really what?

- Natasha!

- What were you gonna say?

- When?

- Before.

- I don't remember.

- Yes, you do.

- I don't remember.

- You said not to be wimpy,
and then you started to say,

"Sometimes you can be,"
and then you stopped.

- Forget it.

- No, come on, tell me.

- Oh, Leo, just, sometimes
you can be kind of goofy.

- Okay, stop, this is
making me uptight now.

- It's gonna be fine,
just, just be yourself.

- Yeah, right, now I'm
going to be like, "Hi, Rene.

You're pretty, I like you, give me a job."

- There she is.

- Oh, fuck, did she see me?

- I don't know.

- Shit.

These inter-library
loans are going

to be the death of me.

You should hear
my professor on the subject.

- Oh, I can imagine.

I wish I were in school
now, the new technology,

it's so exciting.

- Last time I checked, 016.301677
came before 016.301682.

- Mary's a bit dyslexic.

- I am not, I'm just not feeling-

- Mary had difficulty with the alphabet.

- Oh, really?

- I was six.

- She'd see her letters backwards.

- All your Es look like threes?

She overcame it.

- You must have felt really inadequate.

- She did, and of course,
she was small for her age.

- Sabah al-khair.

- Sabah al-khair.

It's me, Mary, uh,.

And it's me, Mustafa..

This is no good.

- What are you talking about?

It's my new bible.

Your new bible?

Do you know what this means?

Can I have some corn plasters?

This is no good.

Look, if it's important
for you, necessary,

then the words get power,
and like magic, you learn it.

In Lebanon, I was a teacher,
but here, I'm just a vendor.

- Why don't you teach here?

- My English isn't good enough.

- Mustafa, your English is
better than most of my friends'.

- My English is-
- It's good.

- Miss, would you like your,
miss, you forgot your umbrella.

Would you like some hot sauce
with your baba ghanoush?

This is my English, and my
situation is complicated.

I have my family.

- You're married.

- No, no, no, no,
brothers, sisters, mother,

this kind of family.

You know, when I have the money,
I'll bring them to the US.

But sometimes I think
it's going to be harder

for them here than in Lebanon, you know?

My life here is like Sisyphus.

- Who?

- Sisyphus, it's a Greek story.

Sisyphus pushes a big
rock up the mountain,

and when he gets to the top,

the rock always falls back down again.

And this is for eternity.

- It's depressing.

Teach me some Arabic.

- Okay, um.

- It's short, I's short
too, though, right?

- What did we just say?

- You just agreed to have
dinner with me on Friday.

- If what's his name doesn't
show by two, I'm going home.

- We need to figure
out very scientifically

where Carl is most likely to be.

So far there's tomorrow night's thing

at Arroz con Pollo,
Wednesday's pubic justice,

the theme is Stevie Nicks.

- Adolfo, Adolfo, Adolfo.

There's got to be a
Pucci in here somewhere.

- Carl and I connected that
night from the essence,

from the ancient center of our beings.

- The two of you were on ecstasy,

it dries out your spinal fluid.

- What are you doing?

- Watch the door.

Derrick, do you think
I'd make a good designer?

- Yeah, come on.

- Derrick, do you think
I'd make a good writer?

- Yeah, would you hurry up?

- Derrick, do you think
I'd make a good actress?

- Sure, now would you come on?

Hey, I have a reputation.

I can't get caught shoplifting.

- We're not shoplifting, is this a shop?

No, do you see any customers, no.

Derrick, do you think I'd
make a good investment banker?

- Uh-uh.

- Oh, hello, Chanel.

- "Origins in peecees"?

- Pardon?

- "Origins in peecees"?

- Oranges and peaches?

Um, why don't you look over there,

under periodicals, under food.

I know we have connoisseur,

I'm not sure about oranges and peaches.

But maybe it's on microfiche,

which is down the hall and to the left.

- "Origin of Species."

Howard, would you get
the Darwin book, please?

Dear, patrons often mistake
clerks for librarians.

It's best just to say "I don't know,"

and refer them to Howard or me.

There's nothing wrong in
saying "I don't know."

Howard and Anne and I
thought you might like

to go out to dinner with us.

- I'm going out.

- I don't want to limit
our relationship to work.

- I'm going out.

- Of course, you have
such a busy social life.

Where are you going?

- I don't know.

- Well.

- When you're finished with those.

- Have you seen "Work That Pussy"?

- Um, no, when my bakery takes off,

I'm gonna take everyone
I've ever met out to dinner.

Cocktails, nice view of the city.

- The old Betty Crocker, you ain't.

- I can't cook, I can't do anything!

I'm gonna die in a subway
somewhere with nothing.

- It's not that bad, just scrape it.

- Leo, I'm going to be 24 soon.

I haven't done anything with my life.

- What about finding
another space for a party?

Yo, I spun at this phat
outlaw party last year

in this building that used to
be a supermarket on Avenue D.

- It was Vicky's wedding reception.

Her dad owned that building.

God, that seems like yesterday.

You know, life goes by so
fast, what's the point?

- What do you mean?

- What does our life mean?

- What life?

You know, if there is no God,

do you know the story of Sisyphus?

- Who?

- Sisyphus, it's a myth about
this guy who had to roll

and push this incredibly huge rock

up this very steep mountain.

Every time he'd get to
the top of the mountain,

the rock would roll down again.

And he would watch this,

and he would walk back down the mountain,

and he'd do it all over again, forever.

- Drag.

- It's a metaphor for
life, Leo, it's famous.

Where's my Camus?

- Is this some kind of drug rehab?

- It's not rehab, where is it?

"One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

- Bullshit, he's miserable.

- But he doesn't have to be, right,

he accepts his fate, he-

- You're telling me that
if your name was Syphilis,

and you spent your life lugging
a fucking rock up a hill,

you wouldn't be miserable?

- I think I'm an existentialist, I do.

- Hey, Nigel, yo, I'm looking for Rene.

- Bet you two go at it like bunnies.

- Me and Rene?

- You and Mary, all
shacked up and cozy, eh?

- No, I'm just here 'til I find a place.

Look, where's Rene?

Hi, Rene.

I'm Leo.

We met the other night,
you said I could stop by.

I'm a friend of Mary's.

- Who?

- Mary, remember, she introduced us.

Oh, I'm a DJ.

You said I could stop
by, and maybe talk to you

about the possibility of spinning here?

- Oh, I heard your tape.

Where's my mocktail?

Where have you worked?

- Me, well, I've been working in London.

- Where?

- London.

- Yes, where in London did you spin?

- I was working at this club,

it was called, um, Fish and Chips.

- Never heard of it, where is it?

- No, it's, it's near
this big black tower,

there's a big-
- Imitate a cat puking.

It's the name of a band.

How's your upper torso?

- No complaints.

- Your tape doesn't suck,
I need a sub for tonight.

I've been striking out left and right.

Nine o'clock, no pay, it's a tryout.

Hey, one thing.

Don't, I repeat, do not
play anything written

or produced by Teddy Rogers.

His music is not played in my club.

Fish and Chips?

She's hot for me.

- You think she's hot for you?

- She probably is.
- That's right.

- She likes young boys, she really does.

- May I see you at the desk, please?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

This is Leo, this is Mrs. Lindendorf.

Leo just got this incredible gig, and-

- Congratulations.

- Busted.

- Yeah.

- Hey, you want to come riding with me?

- Um, no, I'll see you later,
I've got a date tonight.

- I know it is not your life's work.

But for your information,

Freud's study of Dora is not a biography.

It is the cornerstone
of his psychoanalysis,

that's psychology, dear,
the psychology section is,

for your information, in the 100s,

along with philosophy and logic.

It amazes me how you
can come here every day

and absorb no knowledge of the system.

A trained monkey learned this system

on PBS in a matter of hours, re-code it.

A trained monkey learned this system

on PBS in a matter of hours.

A trained monkey learned this system

on PBS in a matter of hours.

A trained monkey learned this system

on PBS in a matter of hours, re-code it.

- I may have made a mistake.

But that is no reason to patronize me.

It is dismaying that your
expectations are based

on the performance of a lesser primate,

and also revelatory of a managerial style

which is sadly lacking.

Is it any wonder, then,
that I've chosen not

to learn the intricacies of an antiquated

and idiotic system, I think not.

Re-code it.

- Fuck you.

Re-code it.

- If you had really loved my mother,

you wouldn't treat me like this.

- It's open!

Hey, we're going to be late.

Look, Derrick called, he
said he wants to meet us at-

What do you want?

- I wish to see the young lady.

- Who?

- Perhaps this is not the correct address.

- No, that's right.

The young lady's not here.

- Pardon?

- She's not here.

What do you got there?

- It's.

- Omar Al-Inguri?

Bet it drives the crowds wild.

- I have seen him two times in concert.

He's very good.

But it's very hard to get the tickets.

- You have too many records.

- Yeah, well, if you spin.

- Spin?

- I'm a DJ at Rene's.

You ever been to Rene's?

The hottest club.

It's the hottest.

- How did you find this work?

How did I find it?

Yo, I'm good.

You know, Rene liked my tape.

- And in a sense of, do you like this work?

- Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, huh, huh.

- And do you, do you expect her?

- Yeah, she'll be there.

Stop by tonight, man.

Bring your friends.

- Not you, mate, step aside.

Oh, if it isn't Maid
Marian, how you doing, love?

- Hey, Nigel.

- "Classification provides a system

for organizing a universe of items,

be they objects, concepts, or records."

- Where's the spot?

- What spot?

- For the dancer, the girl,
didn't Nigel tell you?

Yo man, what's up?

- Daddy?
- Hey, let's go!

- What's up?

What's going on?

- Come on, daddy!

- What the hell are you doing?

Mr. DJ!

- Do you have a problem?

'Cause they sure as hell don't.

- Lucky for you.

- Arts and recreation, yes, mama.

I know what's going on, yes, I do.

- What's your name?

- Venus.

- Venus what?

- Just Venus.

- Excuse me, what are you doing?

Yeah, you, were you just
putting that book away?

It looked like you were
just putting that book away.

I guess you didn't know we have a system

for putting books away here.

No, I'm curious, you were
just randomly putting

that book on the shelf, is that it?

You've just given us a great idea.

I mean, why are we wasting our time

with the Dewey Decimal System,

when your system is so
much easier, much easier.

We'll just put the books anywhere.

Hear that, everybody?

Our friend here has given us a great idea!

We'll just put the books
any damn place we choose!

We don't care, right, isn't that right?

- You haven't taken a break
all morning, take a break.

- I just want to do a good job, Howard.

- You are doing a good job.

Take a break, I'll cover, take a break.

- Sorry.

Judy, you won't believe
what I did last night.

It was possibly the wildest
night of my existence.

What's the matter, are you okay?

Yes, it's nothing, it'll pass.

- Oh my God, you're drenched.

You need to see a doctor or something.

Of course not.

- Look at you, you need a doctor.

I'm gonna call an ambulance or something.

Don't be silly.

No, you need
a, you need a doctor.

- It is perfectly natural at my age.

- Oh, oh, oh.
- Yes.

- I'm so embarrassed.

- Well, I'm not.

My body's upgrading itself
for the future, that's all.

I just wish it would hurry
up and have done with it.

It's been two years.

- Is that normal?

- The tears don't mean anything.

They're just my little
hormones running amok.

Oh, you're early.

Tell me about your night.

- You won't believe what I did last night.

It was possibly the-

- Oh, let me guess.

You went to your boyfriend's concert,

and you danced until dawn.

And then you all drank
too much and laughed,

and then somebody did
something outlandish,

and the police came,
but you all didn't care,

because you were all young and in love.

And it was a night to remember.

You know how I know?

You are just like your mother.

- You won't believe what I did last night.

It was possibly the wildest
night of my existence, it was-

- What are you doing?

Mustafa!

- Look, I think maybe you misunderstand.

You know, you meet the vendor
who speaks funny English.

For you, it's like taking a holiday travel

without buying the airplane ticket.

I cannot agree with this, so can you go?

- Can I have a falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush,
and a seltzer, please?

- The new single?

Sure, I'll play it, Venus.

You know, I was always into animals.

I mean, um, animal rights and whatnot.

- Well, all the proceeds
go to the organization.

Isn't it awful about the rabbits?

- Yeah.

What?

- They go blind.

They stick mascara and deodorant

into the rabbits' eyes
until they go blind.

- How can we be blind to
their innocent silent screams?

- You learned your lesson is all.

Mustafa, what sort of a name is that?

And what are you doing going
out with foreigners anyway?

- You're a foreigner.

- I'm not, I'm English.

- This is America.

- Yeah, we speak English.

All Americans were English to start.

We're, like, related, it's
like the pilgrims and all that.

- Please, elaborate.

- That little shit, I'll
rip his balls off, Leo!

Get out of my way!

- You little shit.

- What?

Yo, get off me.

- I told you no Teddy Rogers,
no fucking Teddy Rogers!

- Get it the fuck off now!

- It's still in print, I
was all, "Honey, please,

it wasn't even published in Cuba, okay?"

- It's a conspiracy, all right.

- Were you able to find anything?

- Here's a few books to get you started.

There's tons of studies on twins,

but these focus solely
on the made up languages,

identical versus fraternal,
male versus female, et cetera.

Now, I threw in "The Dual
Voice Sings" just for fun.

It's a book of songs composed
exclusively by twins.

- Fraternal?

- Identical.

- Oh, I can't wait.

- So glad I could help you, bye.

- Judy says I should take over.

- Why?

- What does she want Mary to do?

Guess.

- This is ridiculous.

Why did you take me off the desk?

- It's so busy, and you're
such a speedy little shelver.

- God, don't patronize me, Judy.

Yeah, I know I'm the fastest shelver here.

But that doesn't mean it's
the only thing I can do.

And don't give me that
"you're only a clerk" rap,

because Wanda's only a clerk.

You've got to do the
"Scientific American" overhaul.

And you invited her to that
acquisitions conference.

She's always at the desk,
she's always coding.

I haven't coded one single book since-

- Since we had that problem.

It was my first week, Judy!

Shh!

- Maybe I do treat you differently.

- Okay.

- But that's because I'm
concerned, we're family.

- So, so what?

So you knew my mother, big deal, so did I.

- She was a woman with no common sense.

- Judy, it's no reason
to judge me all the time.

Everybody here sees it, ask Howard.

- Ask Anne.

- Judge-
- Ask Wanda!

- You?

- Yes, you do.

- Spare me.

- You do.

- I have eyes, I know
what you think of me.

- No, you don't.

- Oh, yes, I do.

- You do not!

- You do not, Judy.
- You try to intimidate me.

- Me, I try to intimidate?

You're the one who's intimidating, Judy.

I try to do,

- I try to do a good job here.
- Shh!

- You don't even see
it, you don't even care.

You don't even-
- Of course I care.

But the fact of the matter is,

I have known you since
the day you were born.

And you come here every day,

and I don't know the
first thing about you.

- What do you want to know?

- Anything, your life, your friends.

- My friends are people.

They're normal people, just
like your friends, Judy.

- Leo's friend, right, Mary, right?

I never thought, but you
probably didn't expect

to see me either, right, right?

- Right.

- That is why you're here?

- I'm here in the library.

- I usually go to the eight.

- I go earlier.

- You should check out the
eight, beautiful people.

- I bet.

- I connect with that meaning, you know?

There are a lot of people
at the eight whose issues...

But today, I couldn't make it, you know?

- Uh-

- I couldn't wait 'til eight!

I was so close to a,

I even went by the club, and I-

- It's gonna be fine, really.

You can do it, I know you can.

- Let's go in.

Running into you like this,

it's like my higher power is watching.

Hi, everyone.

I'm Rene.

And I'm a goddamn alcoholic.

Hi, Rene.

Hi, I'm Mary.

I'm sorry, I need a drink.

- Can I have a falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush,
and a seltzer, please?

- Keep the change.

Can I have a
falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush,
and a seltzer, please?

Can I get a
falafel with hot sauce,

a side of baba ghanoush,
and a seltzer, please?

I'd like a
falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush,
and a seltzer, please.

- I'd like my free pita.

- You want pita, go over there.

- This is false advertising.

- This is harassment.

- This is a free country.

I ask you to go.

- I know where I'm not welcome.

- I know how you feel, buddy.

You think I don't get
this down on the job?

It's violating, hot days,
you gotta strip down.

- Hey.

- Good evening, Leo.

- Where's my crate?

What the fuck?

Yo, why is this all...

Oh my God.

What happened?

Yo, what happened here?

- Surprise.

What?

- Surprise.

- What, you fucked with my albums?

I organized them.

- I mean, there was a stack right here.

It took me a week to pull them.

- But they're organized by
the Dewey Decimal System,

which is perfect for small
collections like yours,

unlike the Library of Congress-

- Small collections?

Yo, there are over 1,000 albums here.

- I know, it took me
all day to do it, Leo.

They were a mess.

- What are you, my mother?

They were in order!

Jesus, look, I got to be
at Rene's in 20 minutes,

and you totally fucked my albums!

- I worked on this all
day, it'll help you.

- You bitch, you fucking bitch!

You have ruined my life, you know that?

You've ruined my fucking life.

- Give the system a chance.

I made three card catalogs,
title, subject, and artist.

Okay, you have your categories of music,

tribal, sleaze, disco, those
are further subdivided.

Here's the list.

Crisco disco, Frisco disco.

Now, each album is coded
with a yellow sticker.

The red sticker means that
Teddy Rogers worked on it,

that's a no-no, we know that.

Here's your number two pencil.

Use this for scrap paper.

- It's over, everything.

- Write down the title and the author,

artist that you want
to find, use all caps.

It's not neat.

- What the fuck am I doing?

- Okay, Leonard, fine, what do you need?

- "Mighty Real" from Sylvester.

- Okay, here we go.

It's gonna be cross listed
under disco classics,

and divas, male.

What else do you need?

- "The Lover Who Rocks You" by India.

"Double Cross" by First Choice.

"I Believe in Miracles" by Hot Chocolate.

"Hot Music" by Pal Joy,
"X" by Junior Vasquez.

"Up Down Suite" by Madonna,

"My Jimmy Weighs a Ton"
by The Jungle Brothers.

"Erik B is President" By Erik B.

"Nervous Track" by Nuyorican Soul.

"Sex Drive" by Grace Jones,
"Is It All Over My Face"

by Loose Joints, "Saturday Night,"

"Sweet Pussy Pauline," Candy J.

"Activator" by Whatever Girl.

"Genius of Love," Tom Tom Club.

"You Used to Hold Me," Ralphi Rosario.

"Flip the Script," Gang Starr.

"I Can't Get No Sleep."

- Good morning, Leo, how'd it go?

Coffee's gonna be ready in a sec.

Leo, if you want to take a shower, wait,

'cause I've got to get to work.

Leo, I've got to take a shower!

Leo, I've gotta get to work early today!

It's my goddamn apartment,

this is my god damn shower, Leo!

I'm getting in!

This is my goddamn water, Leo.

Leo, this isn't funny.

That's my shampoo.

You have the cheap, 99 cent
kind, I have the expensive kind.

This is mine, that's not funny.

Incest.

Have a good night, Howard.

- Oh, I will.

Can I help you?

- Yes, I'm looking for
information on teaching.

- The clerk under that
counter can help you.

Remember to turn off all the computers

and close all the windows, good night.

- Excuse me.

Uh, sir?

Uh,

excuse me, miss?

I didn't know you worked here.

- I work here.

- I'm looking for information on-

- Teaching?

- Yeah.

- Follow me.

- You didn't tell me that
you were a librarian.

- I'm only a clerk.

Okay.

First place to look would be here.

It's updated yearly.

- For New York City?

- It should be.

I can also check the most
recent amendments to-

- And where can I get a certificate?

- Certification requirements for teachers

are determined under each state level.

The United States, every
state has different laws.

- America.

- Don't knock it, baby, it's
the land of milk and honey.

- It's Yemen.

- What's Yemen?

- The land of milk and honey is Yemen.

- God.

Oh.

- You left the windows open.

We trusted you to lock up,
and you left the windows open.

- I am so sorry, how many were ruined?

- At least 30, I found
five that are out of print.

- Who?

- Some of our best poets,

Cummings, Hughes, Dickinson.

- I am so sorry, I-

- Look in there.

I'm happy to see you're
practicing safe sex.

- Judy, Mustafa surprised me last night-

- When I look at you, a
smart, powerful woman,

and see you acting like the
town idiot, it makes me sick.

When most women are struggling

to demonstrate their
intelligence, their complexity,

here you are trying to prove
just how stupid you can be.

- Judy, please-

- Look, here is a card
from an early card catalog.

See that handwriting?

Look at the flowery script.

That's what young lady librarians
were taught, penmanship.

- I am sorry.

- Melvil Dewey hired women as librarians

because he believed the job
didn't require any intelligence.

It was a woman's job.

- That's not my fault.

- That means it's
underpaid and undervalued.

This country has more illiteracy

than some of the most
underdeveloped nations!

Even Americans who can read, don't.

They watch movies, they watch television,

they watch movies on the television.

- I said that I was sorry-

- Get out, I won't have you working here!

Mary, this is a depression!

- Eviction, oh, shit.

Oh God.

- All right, from this
lot, I'll give you $30

for the Todd Oldham blouse, and maybe 40

for the Kenzo dress,
and $50 for that jacket.

- 50?

- Yeah.

- It's Gaultier, it's a collector's item.

- Honey, it's got two buttons missing.

All right, 55, but I
won't take this.

That's vintage, it's not designer.

- I shouldn't sell it anyway.

It belonged to my mother, she's dead.

- Let's see what's in the other bag.

- Cash?

- It's legal tender.

- Look, I don't want any
drugs in my building.

- Mr. Lu, if I dealt drugs,
the rent wouldn't be late.

- I haven't seen you since your operation.

Is everything okay?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

- Look, maybe try to talk to her,

tell her how important it is for you.

- I can't.

- Look, she's your
family, she'll understand.

- She was right to fire me, she was right.

Keith Richards would make
a better librarian than me.

- Maybe you can get a job waiting tables?

- I'm not a waitress, no.

If it's just temporary-

- No, no.

- Look what I do.

- But that's different, that's different.

You're a teacher.

You're a teacher, you have a career.

This is my life.

I want to do something.

- And what do you want to do?

- Oh, God, it's not that easy.

- Okay.

Then let's think of things you like to do,

things that you're good at, then.

- I'm not good at anything.

- This is not true.

- Judy's right, I'm just like my mother.

- Mm-mm.

- I'm just like my mother.

You know, want to know what we're good at?

There's, um, maintaining
when we're fucked up.

- Oh, no.

- Applying makeup,
- partying, flirting,

making stuff up, throwing
parties, having fun.

- I don't, I don't see you like this.

- Because you don't really know me.

This would be a great place for a party.

- You've outdone yourself.

- So silly.

- So decadent.

- So Mary.
- So Mary.

- I live to serve, don't I?

Derrick, the time?

- 1:20, oh my God, it's
your birthday already.

Happy birthday.

- Yo, Poppy, what's up?

- Yo, what's up with this guy?

All he plays is house.

- I'll take care of it.

- Let me get a beer.

- What's with you, Leo,
all you got is house?

- Mary, Mary, quite contrary.

- Nigel, get back to the
door, and get this through

that inbred beer-soaked brain of yours,

tonight is a civilized event.

That means no piss, no vomit.

Could you move it?

Your cigarette is bothering me.

- Get a last name, and we'll talk, okay?

I want variety, now, Leo, now.

Help me, please.

- Give me a mocktail
that's OJ, cranberry juice,

no ice, lime twist.

- Oh, I'm all out of cranberry.

How about we make that pineapple?

- Jesus.

- Sorry, Rene, Derrick, send someone

for some cranberry, please?

- Who?

- You're a bright guy.

I'm sure you can figure something out.

Did you pay for that?

You've got to pay for your drinks.

You have to, it's how it works.

- Congratulations, you're
going to be a major promoter.

Let me tell you, there
are two kinds of people

in this world, herbivores and carnivores.

- Here's to red meat, Rene.

Cheers.

Mustafa, why aren't you at your post?

- Look, it's late, nobody wants falafel.

- That's not the point.

The point is that it's
funny you're making them.

It's funny, it's funny.

That hurts, you're hurting me, ow!

What's your problem?

- You, you are my big problem.

You treat everyone like dogs,
you drink so much all night,

you move around the room talking, talking.

- I'm having a good time.

Haven't you ever seen
anyone have fun before?

- And that means you
don't respect the people

who help you, who do you a favor?

- Lighten up, it's a party, goddamn it.

All right, I'll try to be more-

- Why do you always have to try?

Why you can never be?

- I would like a nice, powerful
mind-altering substance,

preferably something that would make

my unborn children grow gills.

- That damn belly dancer
still hasn't shown.

Mary?

- Why do I always have to do everything?

You can't trust anyone, you
can't depend on anybody.

- You can't do anything.
- She'll be here.

- I'm always the one who has
to do everything, Derrick.

I'm always having to do everything here.

- It's okay, calm down.

- No, it's not okay.

It's printed, it's on the invitations.

The belly dancer is supposed

- to appear tonight.
- It's not a problem,

listen to me-

- Don't give me your faggot shit, Derrick.

- It's not a problem.
- Don't be a faggot.

Don't fag out.

- Come on, Mary.

Hey, what's up, love?

Look at you, you're a fucking wreck.

Come on, let's go, up.

- Why haven't they deported you?

- I told them I was marrying you.

- Mrs. Nigel Hogsworth Pittle.

To have and to cherish.

To love and to honor.

- Wouldn't want to lower your worth, Mary.

Come on, Mary, give us a kiss, eh?

Come on, come on.

Let's go inside, all right?

Let's go inside.

No, come on, come on.

- Come on, give us a kiss.
- No.

I'm tired.

- Kiss here.

- I just want to, I just want to sleep.

Come on.

I just want to sleep.

- Come on, Mary.

- I just want to sleep, Nigel.

- Fuck off.

Look, Mary, just open the door, all right?

Open the fucking door!

You fucking better open
the fucking door, Mary!

Open the fucking door!

- Sorry, I'm just trying to sleep.

- Happy birthday, Mary, you look terrible.

- I need to talk to you.

- I'm working, oh, and I've
got you on the waiting list

for the new Danielle Steel.

- It's about my future.

- Follow me, I'm going to show
you the almanacs, and that-

I'm working.

- My place, eight o'clock, be there.

- Fine.

- Mary, what are you doing here?

- You're gonna help me, bitch.

- Okay, let's see.

We still have to hang that piñata,

and make the hash brownies.

- I'm here with some balloons.

- Carl.

- That's him, that's Carl?

- My name is Kurt, not Carl, Kurt.

- It's him, it's Carl, I mean, Kurt.

I mean, Carl is Kurt.

- What is this?

A piñata, it's a piñata.

You know, a piñata.

- What is a piñata?

- A piñata is a Latin
American ritual performed

on birthdays and also Christmas.

- Hello, be careful of piñata.

- You don't need some high status degree.

You want the best program
for the least money

in the shortest amount of time.

- Absolutely.
- Oh, please!

You went to Columbia.

You think you'd be working here

if you went to some
dinky small town program?

- I say Michigan, I did
my undergraduate there.

Ann Arbor is so much fun.

- I don't want to leave New York.

- Well, don't, you're going public, right?

- Public libraries, as in non-academic.

Howard doesn't approve of academia.

He thinks it's for wimps.

It is.

- I am sick of your reverse snobbery.

Just because a person might
want to live in a pleasant,

non-urban setting doesn't
mean they're selling out.

- Anna worked in Ithaca, at Cornell.

- How do you feel about the Senate?

- I don't know.

- There's a Washington-based
program that my friend runs.

I think it would be perfect for you, Mary.

It's a little competitive
but she's an excellent-

- Yeah, this is the place.

- We want beer.

- Do you have any Middle Eastern beer?

- I don't serve beer, do
you want some hot sauce?

Can I get a
falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba
ghanoush, and a seltzer?

Surprise!

- You're working a new look.

- Derrick, may I have a
word with you, please?

- You see the piñata, for your birthday?

Mary, this is my friend Kurt.

- Got any rolling papers?

- Judy's coming over here in 15 minutes.

We've gotta get these people out of here.

- She's having a slip.

- Mary, Mary!

Leo and I have thrown you
the party of a lifetime.

We will not allow you to spoil it.

- Hand me that bread knife.

- No, Mary you do not have
permission to hurt yourself.

- Hi, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

- What are you taking, huh?

Same stuff you were
binging on the other night?

Been on a bender?

- Get out!

Leo, I need your help.

- Sister, no one can help you

until you decide to
help yourself, enabler.

- Mare, I expect you on that
dance floor in five minutes,

and please change into
something more festive.

- Where do you want the body painting?

- She can't change, she
sold all her clothes.

- No body painting.

- What?

- I had no idea she was this far gone.

- Leave!

- Get out!
- I noticed the rack

was empty, but-

- Leave!

- I thought she finally put them away.

- Get out!

- She's hit rock bottom.

- Mary, those clothes were priceless.

They were irreplaceable,
what were you thinking?

- I had to pay my rent!

- You sold all of it?

- Yes, yes, I sold it all!

- Why?

- Because she's an an alcoholic!

- I'm not an alcoholic!

Mary?

- Judy, there's been a mix up.

Derrick and Leo threw
me the surprise party

without my permission.

- Are you her sponsor?

- Can we do the piñata?

- No, I'm a relative.

- Not now, Carl!

- My name is Kurt, not Carl!

- Perfect, do you know what
a crisis intervention is?

- I want my job back.

- This is not an appropriate time.

- You haven't heard my plan.

- This is called tough love, Mary.

Police, open up, police!

- It's open!

- I want my job back, I want
a career in library science.

- Which one of you is Mary?

- I am, but this isn't my party.

- Yeah, then how come

I've been getting all
those complaints about you?

You've been bad, very, very bad.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm taking you downtown.

- We are downtown.

- Officer, you haven't
even read her her rights.

- A love slave has no rights.

Take it off!

Take it off!

- I'm serious about graduate school.

Shake it.

Turn it up, girl.

Lock him up, girl.

Lock him up.

- I want to be a librarian.

- Stop with the lies and manipulations.

- Why won't you trust me?

- Your mother was a woman
with no common sense.

- This isn't about her, this is about me.

- You showed no respect
for me or for the library.

- That's not true, she was
very into that library.

She lent me a book from
there on body piercing.

- That's nothing, look, she
set up my whole collection

by the John Dewey system.

- Melvil.

- Yeah, I re-did it so it
was by beats per minute.

You know, with the other stuff?

- Cross-listed.

- Yes, cross-listed.

Look, there are over 2,000 albums here.

So will you give her her job back?

- No, I won't.

- Why not?

- Because she had sex in the library.

- Sex addiction.

- Mary.

- Hey, where in the
library did you have sex?

- The romance language section.

Mustafa, I'm so sorry.

- Mary did research for me at the library.

- What kind of research?

- To become a certified
teacher in this country,

loans, grants, scholarships, everything.

- Let me do it!

- Where did you look?

- First, I covered the
basics, the UN, Board of Ed,

the Encyclopedia of
Associations, CUNY, then I...

Then I checked certification
requirements for teachers

of secondary and elementary
schools, 58th edition.

I telnetted the NYSERNet Gopher

and FTPed the most recent amendments

for New York state teacher
certification requirements.

And then I called the reference
desk at the main branch,

and they said I'd covered my bases.

- She's good.

- Very thorough.

- I would never get all this for myself.

- Come on, Judy.

- Judy, give her a break.

- Is this what you really want, really?

- Yes.

- I'll do it.

Happy birthday, Mary.

- Thank you.

- Mrs. Lindendorf, have a brownie.

- He's such a fox.

- I wouldn't kick him out of bed, either,

unless he was better on
the reference room floor.

- The piñata is finished.

- But the party is just beginning.

- I love parties.

- Librarian, huh?

- Yeah, what do you think?

- This is a garden, and we're all flowers.

Can somebody
call a locksmith?