All language subtitles for 1000.Me.Growing.Up.Mixed.2023.1080p.HMAX.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H264-BIGDOC

[TV static drones]

[bright tone]

[mystical music]

♪ ♪

[laughter, indistinct chatter]

I've never really had anyone
ask me, like,

"What are you?" or, like,
"What's your skin tone?"

If someone did ask me,
I would probably say,

"I'm mixed," which means
I'm Black and white,

two different races.

Aw, that's my oldest
daughter, Sami,

an incredible, bouncing,
buoyant, piano-playing kid,

half Black, half white.

I brought the Black part.

My wife, Melissa,
brought the white part.

Even before Sami was born,
Melissa and I realized

that Sami was gonna have experiences

that we didn't understand

simply because she's mixed.

all: ♪ Happy birthday ♪

Well, now
Melissa and I have three

mixed-race daughters,

Sami, Juno, and Asha.

And they have lots
of mixed-race friends.

And while Melissa and I talk
with our kids a lot

about their race and what
it means in the world,

I was curious
about other mixed-race kids.

I wanted to talk to them.

I would say
I'm half Pakistani

and I'm half African American.

I say I'm Asian and American,
so I'm mixed-race.

I am 100% Filipino,
100% African American,

and 1,000% a person.

Then I talked
to their families.

I talked
to some mixed-race adults

who used to be
mixed-race kids.

I am mixed,
but I'm not mixed up.

Some of the conversations
went better than others.

Ooh, what's that?

And some
of the conversations

went surprising places.

Just because we live
in a diverse community

does not mean that racism
and all that doesn't happen.

What is white culture,
you know,

besides racism
and Evangelical Christians?

[laughter]

I even got my mom
and my mother-in-law

to sit down and talk about

their adorable
mixed-race grandkids

and racism.

It actually went pretty well.

I quickly found out
that I'm not the only one

who thinks
this is a good idea.

I think it's very fun
for other people

that are not mixed-race
to see about--

to learn and see
what a mixed-race kid does,

what he feels,
and what he knows.

[upbeat funky music]

[jazzy upright bass music]

[laughs]

♪ ♪

My name is Sami or Samiah,

and I'm ten years old
and in fifth grade.

And I identify as
a mixed child, Black and white.

Are you my sweet little baby?

My name is Juno,
and I'm seven.

All right,
and what are you made up of?

Like, what are your races?

What are you made up of?

Black and white.

And what are you?
Are you Black?

Are you white? Are you both?
Are you more--

Both.

Are you more one
or the other?

Both.

So have you ever had anything
happen to you at school,

where somebody was, like--

thought you were something
different than you were?

- Yep.
- Oh, what happened?

We were under the tower,

and then she just came running
towards us and said--

and told me I was white.

And how did that
make you feel?

Sad.

Why did it make you
feel sad?

Because I'm not just white.

I'm both.

[mellow upright bass music]

♪ ♪

You can be both.

There's not just, like,
"You have to be this,

or you have to be this."

Like, also, like,
"You have to be a boy.

You have to be a girl."

There's many in between,
and I'm in between

between Black and white,
and I like that.

What song does your dad
sometimes wake you up with--

you and you sister up with
in the morning?

The song that you sometimes
wake us up with is

"To Be Young, Gifted
and Black"

by Nina Simone.

Why do you think I play it
for you in the mornings?

Because me, Sami, and Asha

are all young,
gifted, and Black.

Well, not completely Black, but...

[laughter]

Go fish.

Juno, do you have a five?

Do you like being
the middle sister,

or would you like to be the
older or the younger sister?

Middle.

Because you get to be two--
two things at the same time.

- Like what?
- You can be little,

and you can be a little sister
and a big sister

at the same time.

[laughs]

[light piano music playing]

What do you want to be
when you grow up?

When I grow up, I want to be
a musician and, like,

a singer and dancer, maybe.

My favorite singer
is Alicia Keys.

She's also mixed.

I really like her music,

and I really like
that she looks like me.

♪ ♪

So when you close your eyes
thinking about yourself,

what do you feel?

I like to think
I'm a very creative person

and imaginative.

And I like to think
that I'm a kind person

and want to help other people.

And I feel like I really
enjoy myself and, like, yeah.

♪ ♪

Myles,
you think you can dunk it?

No.

I'll try.

- No.
- [laughs]

My name is Myles.

I'm 11 years old,

and I live in San Francisco, California.

[upbeat jazzy music]

We are at Lands End
in San Francisco,

seeing the nice view
of fogginess.

♪ ♪

I like to bike,
play basketball,

and play video games,
sometimes play the trumpet.

[upbeat Dixieland music
playing]

So how would you
describe yourself?

Mixed Filipino
and African American.

Tell me about
your Filipino side.

We have traditions

of getting together a lot.

'Cause Filipinos
really like to party,

so we always, like,
get together a lot.

I used one spatula and...

I think one
of my favorite things

was actually
at a Filipino festival.

It was, like, a cook-off.

It was kind of, like,
showing what, like, you cook,

and I was cooking with my lola
and my mom to make--

making maruya,

which is, like,
a Filipino banana fritter,

which is really good.

Hi, winner.

Hello.

How often do you see
your lola?

I see her at least
once a week.

She just came by
earlier today.

Why'd your lola come by
earlier today?

Advice for this.
[chuckles]

Can you tell me the advice
she gave you?

The advice she gave me
was, like,

"Oh, tell them that my dad
looks like Denzel Washington."

Does your dad look like
Denzel Washington?

So sometimes when my parents

were out somewhere,
some people were like,

"Oh, are you
Denzel Washington?"

But, like, he's not really
Denzel Washington, so...

Did you always know
you were Black?

No.

How did you find out
you were Black?

So once we were doing--
at my summer camp,

my Filipino summer camp,
one of my friends--

'cause they are also Black
and like,

"Oh, Myles, you're Black,"
and I was like, "I am?"

- [laughs]
- So yeah.

That's awesome.

I'm happy that he now--
that space is there

for him to have
those conversations and--

and think about those things

and feel those things
at that age.

I felt like that space
wasn't fully there

when I was his age.

I grew up an only child.

I'm half Black, half Filipino.

Myles and my little brother
came into the picture

22 years later,
so big age gap.

My elementary school
was pretty much Asian.

I think I was probably
one of five

Black kids in the school.

I pretty much identified
more so with the Filipino side.

But in middle school,
now I see a lot more kids

that look like me,

like, the Black side of me,

so same color, same everything,
same hair.

I was like, "All right,
now I kind of see where--

where I fit in, in a sense."

But then at the same time,

I didn't grow up
with those kids

nor have the same lifestyle
as they did,

so I was also
looked at differently.

It was, like, rough trying
to figure out my identity,

especially being Black
when I was raised Filipino,

because then now I'm not Black
enough for the Black kids.

I'm like, "All right, cool.

"Well, I'ma just pick up
my basketball,

"and I'ma do my thing here.

"And I'll identify
as a basketball player.

That's perfectly fine
with me."

But we never had
those conversations, and I--

I feel like now
in today's world

is where we really start
opening up that box

of having those conversations
and letting those walls down.

[light funky music]

- [laughs]
- Ah, get out of here.

My favorite part
of what I heard,

one is how people would just
see him as, like,

Black and not quite Filipino
at first glance,

'cause that's kind of, like,
the same situation with me.

So, like, when I tell them
that I am Filipino,

they're like,
"Are you sure?"

[chuckles]

I'm not shocked,
because I'm older

and I've seen it,
but it also--in a sense,

it sucks that we--
we're still doing that.

We're still going through
that phase.

[upbeat guitar music playing]

♪ ♪

I am Presley.
I am ten years old.

And my race
is Filipino American.

My dad is Filipino,
and my mother is white.

So why do you think
your parents named you Presley?

Where did that name come from?

Well, my parents
really like the singer

Elvis Presley, and that's
why I was named Presley.

And what do you do for fun?

Well, I play the bass.

And I like to play volleyball.

What do you like
about volleyball?

I have a lot of energy.

And what brought you
to the bass?

My best friend
was in an band,

and she invited me to join it,
so I tried it,

and the instrument
I was given was bass,

and I really liked it.

[rock music playing]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

Do you feel like
you're more Filipino

or more white?

Mm, I don't think--

I think I'm basically equal
between it,

'cause I know the culture
to both.

I'm just--

I grew up
with a supercool Filipino dad.

What does your dad do?

He's mostly an editor,

and he also has
a TNT tricycle thing.

[engine rumbling]

It's basically just a tricycle
that was decorated,

and you can drive
around the city

and have two or three people

in the little boxcar
at the side.

And then we just drive
around the city and do karaoke.

all:
♪ Streetlights ♪

♪ People ♪

♪ Livin' just to find emotion ♪

Is this a good idea, to make
a thing about mixed-race kids?

Yeah, 'cause it would
raise awareness

about people with mixed race,

'cause usually people
just brush it off,

but, like,
there's a ton of culture in it.

When you meet a kid
like Presley,

you can't help but wonder,
who's this kid's parents?

Where'd they come from?

What are they like?

[funky upright bass music]

We both ride motorcycles.

So we met in that kind of,
like--we had mutual friends.

♪ ♪

And then we got married
in November, like,

two months after we met.

And, like, here we are.

The rest is history,
you know?

When you were growing up,
what kind of conversations

did you have about race?

Nothing. Nothing.

I grew up
in a super-white area,

and we never spoke about race.

Did you guys talk
about other races?

I know you didn't talk
about your race,

because it's the dominant race
in America,

but did you, like,
mention other races?

I can't--I can't remember
one conversation

that we had about race ever.

I mean,
I don't think it ever came up.

I mean, me too, though.

There was no conversation
about race at all

in the Philippines.

But colonial mentality
is really strong with my mom.

So the shades of skin tone
were always mentioned.

People were told to cover up
because the sun's out.

"You'll get dark," you know.

"Nobody will marry you,"
you know?

- [laughs]
- So there was all that.

And in high school, there was
maybe eight Filipinos,

and I made sure not
to be friends with that group,

because I wanted to be
as white as possible.

♪ ♪

And unfortunately,

with Presley, when her
features were coming in,

I did think
at that time, like,

"Oh, thank God
she doesn't look that Asian,

because she'll have a different
experience," you know?

Because I grew up that way,
that's what I--

that's--that's the reason
I thought that of Presley.

But she's made me think
about race more.

I feel like I had to pick
a side finally

when the last administration

with their anti-immigrant
rhetoric and, like--you know.

I felt like--I'm like,

"Hey, they're talking
about me," you know?

They're--I'm not--I can't--

there's no way I can be like,

"Yeah, get those brown people
out of here,"

'cause that's me, you know?

♪ ♪

That's when I got involved

with SOMA Pilipinas,
the South of Market

in San Francisco,
and I've been meeting

all of these people that are
involved in that community

and just been learning
about my own history

and my own history
as a Filipino American

here in the States,
you know what I mean?

Really, it's only
in the last few years

that I'm embracing my, like,
Filipino Americanness.

[upbeat guitar music playing]

♪ You like me ♪

♪ I like you ♪

♪ But I don't think
I need you ♪

♪ So clearly
goodbye to you ♪

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- [drumming]
- ♪ Eh, eh, eh, ah-la, eh ♪

- ♪ Eh ♪
- ♪ Eh ♪

My name is Sumaya.

I am seven years old.

And I would think of myself

like a mix of, like,

well, basically
all my favorite animals:

a corgi, a spaniel,

husky, llama,
and Shiba Inu.

[singing in Guinean/Susu]

♪ ♪

My mom is Asian,
and my dad is Black.

And my sister is just like me.

She's a mix.

And do you like being mixed?

- Yeah.
- What do you like about it?

I don't know.

Maybe because I'm not
one or the other

or not one or the other.

I'm me.

And I like being me.

[soft music]

In my mind, my brain's doing
the running man

and having a party

and doing the floss.

And where--and where
is your dad from again?

Conakry.

And where is that?

In Africa.

What do you remember
about Conakry?

The mangos.

Tell me about the mangos.

Huge.

How big? Show me.

♪ ♪

That's a mango?

Uh-huh.

The mangos.

- [laughter]
- The mangos.

- Huge.
- [laughs] Huge.

Huge.

I mean, we are
the mango country.

[laughs]

No, we are the mango country.

We are the mango country.

Before you had Sumaya
and Jaleela,

what were your thoughts
about children?

Well, we already know
that our children

is gonna be mixed.

We already know that.
They have to know that.

People is gonna be
telling them sometimes,

"Hey, you bad,"
because their color.

We--we already know that,
and, you know,

since Sumaya is three,

we started telling her
this thing.

So when she was three,
what were you telling her?

So we'd be telling her,
"You are Black.

"A lot of things gonna come
in your way at some point.

"But that's what this society
deal with,

"so you just have
to know the way

"how to interact
with people,

how to sometime
not take it deeply personally."

- Yeah.
- You were the one

mostly, like,
educating Sumaya and myself,

moving here from Africa,

how it is here
as a person of color.

Our kids are Black
and brown,

and they're girls.

They're gonna have to work

twice as hard
to get half as far,

you know, so it's just
all these big decisions

you have to make as parents.

And part of being
in the Bay Area is that

there is a growing population
of multiracial,

- multiethnic children.
- Yes.

So it's not like
she's gonna be the only one.

[laughter, indistinct chatter]

Let's talk about names.

How did you pick the names
for your kids?

- Mm.
- So with Sumaya,

we look into so many names.

But we wanted
to really have something

that can represent
both of our culture.

I'm a Muslim Black man
from Africa.

And Joti, she's a Punjabi
from... Georgia.

- [laughs]
- So...

Sumaya, it's not, you know,

really common
in either of our cultures,

but it is a name
that does show up,

and like Bongo was saying,
you know,

Muslim culture
across the Arab world

and then also
in South Asian cultures,

there's variations
of the name Sumaya,

so we felt like also for people
here in the United States,

it's easy to pronounce.

Even at the naming
of your children,

you're already
thinking about the fact

that their heritage is mixed
and their race is mixed.

- Yeah.
- Absolutely.

And Sumaya have my last name,

and Jaleela have her mom's
last name.

We're fighting the patriarchy
one name at a time.

[upbeat percussive music
playing]

[singing in Punjabi]

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

My name is Kanani.

I'm 11 years old.

I identify as mixed-race.

I am Latina, white,
and Native American.

My dad was raised in Boruca,

a small tribe in Costa Rica.

And my mom grew up
in San Diego.

Is it confusing
to be so many things?

Sometimes.

And sometimes it's hard
for people to understand

when I tell them
all the different races I am.

So sometimes I just say
I'm mixed-race.

Hacerlo como más...

¿Más claro?

- Sí, más claro.
- Okay.

And sometimes they ask me,

like,
"Who do you look like?"

And I say--
sometimes I just answer,

"I like look me."

[funky upright bass music]

Have you traveled
outside the United States?

Yeah, I go each summer
and each December

to Costa Rica
to visit my family.

[engine humming]

I usually spend my time
in Boruca with my cousins,

and mostly what I like
about going there is, like,

how I feel so free,
and when I go there,

I'm really accepted
as a community member.

What's also nice about there
is all the traditions we have

and the festivals,
and now that I'm older,

I get to learn
those traditions.

I get to learn how to weave.

I get to learn
how to speak the language.

We have a tradition
called los Diablitos.

[all chanting]

The whole festival is based
on retelling a story

about when the Spaniards came.

Some people dress up
as diablitos, so--

which is devils.

They have painted masks.

And they dress up as devils

because they called them pagans,

so, like, without religion,

and so they said,
"I'm okay with that.

I guess I'm a devil."

And so it's the story,
and it's about how sometimes

they fell down,
but they got back up,

and they beat the Spaniards,
because they're still alive.

And they're telling it
to the new generation.

They're telling it so people
still know their story.

At my school,
they usually do, like,

Latina joy,
African American joy,

and the joy of being
that identity,

and I noticed and I told my mom
that I noticed

that they didn't do
Native American.

So my mom told them,
and I'm doing an assembly

teaching people about
what being Native American is

and a little bit more
about my culture.

Welcome to our celebration
of Indigenous cultures.

[jazzy upright bass music]

♪ ♪

Can you tell me a little bit
about how you guys met

and what that was like?

Well, we met in the--
my community

26, 27 years ago,
something like that.

And who approached who first?

[laughter]

Tequila. No.

[laughter]

And yeah, then...

she invited me to come over
to the United States.

I was coming for one year.

And 24 years later,
I'm still here.

[indistinct chatter]

No, él no va a ponerlo.

[laughter]

Did you ever experience
any racism

as an interracial couple?

[speaking Spanish]

Right. That's true.
Right, right.

Sometimes, you know,
when we would apply

for a place to live,

often it would be
my name first.

I'd be the one
doing the conver--

having the conversation,

putting myself forward,
and using my privilege

- to get--
- Using your last name.

Yeah, using my last name
and using my privilege a lot.

♪ ♪

One of the first times that,
like, I kind of realized,

"Oh, this is gonna be
a little bit different

than what I thought
it was gonna be,"

was, when we had her,
we made the conscious decision

that we would only
speak Spanish in the house.

Then when she got
into the school world,

she would learn English,
because this is the dominant

language here
in the United States.

So anyway,
went to the park with her,

and I would go to the park
with her all the time.

I would see the same moms
all the time at the park.

And the kids
got in a little tiff,

a little something,
and the mother said to me,

"Well, Pica, you know

"it's because Kanani
doesn't speak English.

And you really need
to teach her English."

And I said, "Well, you know,
we agreed as a family

"that we're not gonna do
the English thing yet.

"We'll do it, you know,
when she goes to school.

She'll learn it,
and then it'll be fine."

"Well, it's obviously
a problem now, because look.

They're not getting along."

And so I didn't--
I don't remember what I did.

I don't remember what I did
at that moment,

but what I remember next was,
when we went home,

his nephew was living with us--

our nephew, I guess,
technically, right?

But from the village.

And I got home, and I said,
"Oh, my God.

This thing just happened."

Of course I told him
in Spanish.

I'm like, "Oh, my goodness.
This thing just happened."

And I remember he said to her,
"Come here."

And he took her hands
and looked right into her eyes

and said something like,

"They're always gonna try
to change us.

"They're always gonna make us
adjust to them.

"And we have to speak
our language,

and we have to know
who we are."

And I went, "Whoa."

I remember just thinking,
"Oh, my gosh.

"This is too much for me
to know how to handle.

"Like, my child is gonna have
a totally different experience

than the experience
I'm gonna have,"

and what really
blew me away is,

I had no idea that kids
were given

a lesson about race so young.

[indistinct chatter, laughter]

No, no, definitely not.

♪ ♪

My name is Anisa.

I'm ten years old.

I'm in fifth grade.

And I would say
I'm half Pakistani

and I'm half
African American,

but I'm also Muslim.

How many siblings
do you have?

I have two siblings.

[light music]

Their names are Ibrahim
and Khalil.

I'm the youngest.

Do you like being
the youngest?

No.

What's wrong with being
the youngest?

Because I'm smaller
than them

and I'm weaker than them,

and they take that
as an advantage sometimes.

What do you think you do
better than them?

I know I can win
in skateboarding.

♪ ♪

I love skateboarding.

And I know I can win
in skateboarding.

I know I can win
in gymnastics

just by doing a cartwheel.

And I know I can win in--

I don't think I can win
in soccer.

But--my coaches say I can win
in soccer,

but I don't really
believe that.

♪ ♪

What do you like
about being Muslim?

I like being

the one person in my class,
for example,

who is Muslim

and being able to share that
with my classmates.

But it's kind of hard,
'cause sometimes my classmates

won't understand
because they really haven't

learned anything about it.

Eid Mubarak to Nana.

- Eid Mubarak.
- Eid Mubarak.

Eid Mubarak.

Eid Mubarak
to Nana and Granddad.

One of the things I'm real
excited about being Muslim

is wearing a hijab,
which is what Muslims wear,

and a jilbab.

So have you worn
those things before?

Yeah, I have.

When I pray,
I wear them sometimes.

So have you been
to other countries

other than the United States?

Oh, we've been to Mecca
and Medina,

and my mom took
so many pictures.

[jazzy upright bass music]

I'm fine with taking pictures,
but my brothers aren't.

They don't like
taking pictures at all.

[laughs]

True.
Still got it.

♪ ♪

My name's Khalil.

I'm 15,
and I would describe myself

as African American or mixed.

My name's Ibrahim.

I'm 13,
and I would describe myself

as African American mixed.

On surveys,
sometimes they have, like,

- multiracial or biracial.
- Yeah.

But I usually just use mixed.

Yeah, probably.

Me too.

I think--I think mixed
draws less attention to it,

so, like, I feel like
if you said multiracial,

people would ask you
about it more.

Yeah.

Like if you said multiracial,
they'd be like,

"Oh, what races?"

But, like,
if you just say mixed,

nobody will care.

♪ ♪

Being racially ambiguous
is, like, sort of difficult,

like, when talking to people
or talking about race.

For example, like, when I was--

I don't want to sound
like an old person--

when I was their age,
there was only, like,

Black, white, Asian,
and then other

on, like, if you were to take
a survey for, like,

a standardized test
or something,

but now there's, like,
a lot more options,

and I feel like schools
have made it a point

of talking about that more than
when I was their age, I guess.

At my old school,
there was--

I was, like,
the only Black boy there.

But at my new school,
there's tons of people

that I'm friends with
that are, like, mixed.

I think it's a good thing
to find other people like you

and talk about
the experiences you have.

♪ ♪

What do you guys think
of each other?

Are you impressed
with each other?

I'm impressed--I'm impressed
with him, actually.

I'm impressed with him.

- He says a lot of big words.
- I didn't know you went--

[laughs]

He says a lot of smart,
big words

that I don't understand.

Maybe it's--maybe it's 'cause
of his school.

- But, like, yeah.
- Smart words.

Definitely him.

♪ ♪

So if things have changed
in the few short years

since Khalil was Anisa's age,

then how much has changed
for mixed-race adults?

Oh, wait.
I'll just ask one.

♪ ♪

My name is Erica.

I identify as half Black
and half Japanese.

I was born
in Oakland, California.

Nobody gave me a rule book
on what it meant

to be half Black
and half Japanese.

And so when I had comments
like in high school,

"Oh, you sound really white,"

or, "You're really
whitewashed," I'm like,

"Can you tell me, then, like,
what is it supposed be be,

"or how am I supposed to act
as a half Black

"and half Japanese person?

Where is the rule book
for that?"

And not really having
any representation around me,

I was just like,
"How can fit in?"

I found that route through
being of service to others.

And so through that,
I realized that I just loved

listening to people's stories
and really wanted to follow

that career through therapy.

♪ ♪

I think that sometimes people,
we have this idea

that mixed-race children
are gonna save the world,

that somehow, by the very
existence of mixed-race kids,

we don't have to do
the work anymore.

And that really couldn't be
further from the truth.

We have a lot of work to do.

I'm really proud of the current
and future generation

of mixed kids
that are really, like,

affirming their identity
and being loud and proud,

but we live
in a deeply racist society.

And that's gonna show up
in a lot of different ways.

And there's a lot of danger
in not talking about race

or not talking about racism.

♪ ♪

My name is Kaylin.

I'm 16 years old.

I'm in grade ten,

And I'm from San Ramon, California.

What is your life like there?

I usually just go to school.

I work at a lash extension
place at the City Center.

So what made you decide
to get a job?

I shop a lot.
[laughs]

How do you identify racially?

Both my parents
are half Black.

My mom is half Korean,
and then my dad's half Black--

or half white, yeah.

Half Black, half white;
half Black, half Korean.

Do people ever confuse
what your race is?

All the time.

Yeah, I get Filipino.

I don't get Black a lot.

I get just, like,

everything but what I am,
pretty much.

♪ ♪

I think just, like,

being told all of my life
that I'm so different

or I'm so unique,
I just kind of--

as a kid, I kind of just, like,
separated myself or, like,

put myself in a separate box

because I've always been told
that I'm different

to the point
where I was just like,

"I'm just too different."

♪ ♪

Through social media,
there's, like, a lot of,

"Well,
if you're not this Black,

you can't, like,
do this or do that or"--

and, like,
sometimes I just feel

almost excluded
from my own race,

and sometimes I don't know
whether I should tread lightly

or if I should--
or if I should try to fit in.

There's so many check marks
on surveys

where I have to check
what I am,

what I identify as, and--

my mom's gonna, like,
get mad at me for saying this,

but she said when I first came
to school in San Ramon,

she marked me off
as white and Asian

and excluded Black,
because she thought that maybe

I'd have a disadvantage
if they knew that I was Black.

There's just, like,
so many boxes,

and it's like--yeah.

- All right,
let's get this straight.

Kaylin's mom is definitely
proud to be Black.

And she also wants to protect
her daughter

from America's anti-Blackness,

just like I wanted to protect
my kids from anti-Blackness.

But nobody yet has come up
with a surefire way

to do that.

These conversations
are complicated.

Good thing for Kaylin, though,

she's got her uncle
in her corner.

He gets it.

How do you know this person?

This my niece.

Tell me about this guy.

He's my favorite person.

[laughs]

I think I just have, like,

the best conversations
with him.

[laughter]

He's just very funny
and active

and very, like, just--
he listens.

Like, he's looking at me
as I'm talking.

Like, he's a good listener.

He's just a good presence, positive.

Tell me about where you
were born and raised.

So I was born in Oakland
at Kaiser...

[laughs]
And raised in Berkeley.

♪ ♪

It was always a trip
growing up there.

It was, like, this liberal
bastion of free speech

and all this kind of
revolutionary radical energy,

and then--
but then when I was living--

you know, me growing up in, like,

mixed heritage, Black,
you know, father,

white mother in a primarily
whiteish neighborhood

around UC Berkeley,

it didn't feel
all that liberal to me.

It was still, like, people,
like, crossing the street

to get, like,
away from me at night and--

and people pretty much, like,
treating me

like I didn't belong
in this place that I was from.

♪ ♪

It's like, you claim
to like Black people,

but you don't want
to be around Black people

or don't feel safe
or comfortable

being around Black people.

So is it harder to, like,
talk to Grammy's generation

with, like, Sally and Todd
and, like, everybody?

Was it harder to talk to them?

Yes, 1,000%.

Like, one of the responses
to racism is to run away

and to look away from it,
and I think that that's

what happened a lot
in the family,

and I think that that was my
first experience of whiteness

was my mom, and just, like,
to have somebody

who was unwilling to have
a conversation with me

about race
when you decided to have,

you know,
Black children and, you know,

mixed-heritage children

taught me a lot
about what whiteness

was and wasn't willing to do.

So just to be clear,
your mom, who's white,

wasn't--didn't have access
to the Black conversation.

Right, mm-hmm, yeah.

Yep, she just didn't,
you know?

And I--you know, sorry, Mom,
but, like, yeah.

It's what it was,
and it really informed--

I think and because of that,
it also shaped my experience

with wanting to be able
to articulate and explain

everything I possibly could
in the clearest type of way

to have it land with somebody
who was already

hella resistant to it
or just, like,

completely oblivious to it.

I have to create language
that lands in such a way,

anybody could hear it.

And, like,
that was the trauma response.

[laughter]

We talked about this
in the car on the way here.

But yeah, it's--I mean, yeah,
it's a trip, and--yeah,

it takes a lot
to work through that, yeah.

Oh, today or yesterday?

Just why would you do that?

And I was just like, "Okay."
I'm, like...

♪ ♪

A high percentage
of interracial couples

have no idea
what the experience is

for this child that they've
brought into the world.

And then you have maybe one
that is very experienced

in understanding racism.

The other one
is completely naive, you know.

It's really a challenge

that, unfortunately for me,

I had to figure out by myself.

This is Roy.

Not only does Roy have
over 80 years of experience

being mixed.

He's a community organizer
and goes to kids' schools

to talk them
about race and racism.

Roy is deep.

I was born at 6:44 p.m.

on the 26th day of February, 1941,

Providence hospital,
Seattle, Washington,

King County.

My father is basically
African American.

However, my--I can't remember
how many greats it was

actually was a slave
to the northern Creek Indians.

And our lineage
comes out of that.

My mother identifies
primarily as Norwegian.

So what--how did--

what did they call you
when you were a kid?

What was the label for a kid
who's half Black, half white?

I know I heard
the word "mulatto."

And it didn't feel good to me,
just the sound.

But then when I heard
something about Louisiana,

"octagons" and "roctagons,"
I said,

sound like monkeys to me.

I didn't like it,
you know?

And so I didn't have a label.

I just accepted Negro
or colored.

That was okay with me.

Yeah, octoroon, I think, yeah.

Octoroon. That's it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, octoroon.

And my--one of my friends,

he said to me,

"My mother told me your mother
cannot be white

because it's illegal."

You know, I didn't say a word.

I just was like...

You know, I just was like,

"Well, I'm not gonna argue
with you or your mother."

And at some point,
I realized who I am

whether you accept it or not.

I don't need you to validate
who I am or who I'm not.

You can call me
whatever you want.

♪ ♪

Throughout the history
of this country,

mixed-race people like Roy
have had to navigate a culture

where their very existence
is in dispute,

even through the country's
laws and institutions.

It wasn't until 1967
in the Supreme Court case

of Loving versus Virginia
that non-white people

were allowed to marry
white people

in every state of the Union.

But as always, court cases
don't fix everything.

Interracial relationships
might not seem

like a big deal now,

but it wasn't that long ago
in our history

that this country
worked overtime

to make sure white people
and all the other races

didn't even hang out together.

You know what this needs?

Some grandmas.

I grew up
in Indianapolis, Indiana,

long before
the Civil Rights Movement

when Indiana was basically
like the South:

segregated, separate,
and unequal.

So white people
were not even real people

as far as I was concerned,

because they had no significant
place in my life.

They were just the enemy.

Mm-hmm.

Because they kept us from
going where we wanted to go

and working
where we wanted to work

and living
where we wanted to live.

Yeah.

That's my mom.

When I was growing up,

we had conversations like this regularly.

This is Melissa's mom.

And I'm sure
when Melissa was growing up,

her and her mom
did not talk like this.

So I decided to sit
the grandmas down

and let them talk it out.

I grew up
in San Jose, California,

where I had the exact opposite.

I only was ever around
white people.

And I did not know
a Black person

till I went to high school.

I had a Portuguese side
of the family

and an Italian side
of the family.

And the people that my parents
were friends with

were either in the Italian
or Portuguese community,

and we kind of did things
as families together.

There was no tension
about, like,

"You can't marry
a Portuguese person," or...

- No.
- "You can't marry an Italian"?

No, and--well,
especially in the Italian part,

as long at the other person
was Catholic,

that was okay.

It really--that was
the first consideration,

not race.

Religion was always
the first consideration.

And one of my cousins did marry
somebody who was a Catholic,

and she heard no end of it
from my grandmother.

So that was the first
I ever even heard of,

"There's different
kind of people,

and that's not our kind
of people,"

was the religion part of it.

Although I bet if you had
brought home

a Black Catholic...

I don't know.
I didn't even know any, so...

You didn't even know
they existed, huh?

No.
[laughter]

You already had yours

[laughter]

- Yeah, she really likes that.
- Yeah.

You know,
when I was five years old

and was getting ready
to start school,

and I had a playmate--

'cause we lived
in a neighborhood

that was predominantly white,
and I had a playmate

my age who was white.

And so we were gonna go
to school together, we thought.

And then when I was telling
my mother about this,

she had to sit me down
and let me know.

That's when I was introduced
to racial segregation.

'Cause she said, "You won't
be going to the school

down the street."

Really?

I just had a tantrum.

I didn't know what else to do.

- I was mad.
- Mm-hmm.

And I wonder, too,

is that when she learned
she was white?

I mean, did she know
she was white before that?

♪ ♪

I never thought of myself
as Black before that.

♪ ♪

But with my granddaughters,

I tell them
about these experiences.

They find it really hard
to believe.

Yes, I can imagine.

♪ ♪

When GoGo said she went
to a segregated school,

do you two know
what "segregated" means?

- Yes.
- Nope.

Sami, tell Juno
what "segregated" means.

GoGo went to a school
that was only for Black people.

And then somebody else
might have gone to a school

that was only for white people.

They were separated.

They couldn't drink
from the same water fountains,

go to the same parks,

shop at the same places,
I'm guessing.

How do you feel when you hear
about how Black people

have been treated
in this country?

It makes me feel,
like, upset,

and I feel like they were
treated unfairly.

And a lot still are today,
and I don't--

like, that makes me feel,
like, frustrated,

but then I also know
that definitely--

this is definitely true--
that not all white people

are bad, definitely,
just because in--

'cause I know
a lot of white people

who are not bad people,

but I also think
about how Black people

have been treated unfairly
that way.

Hello.

Not only do my kids have
a lot of mixed-race friends.

We have other mixed-race
people in our family.

Hi, Carter.

This is my goddaughter Carter.

Her mom is one of my people.

I wasn't sure Carter
would want to talk on camera.

But she said she would
as long as she was allowed

to bring her friend Nola.

Nola's one of her people.

Tell me something about this
person right here, Carter.

Nola is a really good friend.

She's definitely, like,
a friend that's, like,

you can always laugh with,

and she's really outspoken.

And she's really, like, mature

for her age,
I feel like.

Tell me something
about this person.

She is, like,
a fierce protector

of her friends.

If you're her friend,
she's, like--

you've got her back
through thick and thin--

or she's got your back
through--

[laughter]

Do you two identify as mixed?

- I do, yeah.
- Yeah.

Can we talk about
your parents' racial makeup?

One of my moms is white,

and one of my moms is Black.

And what are
your racial mixes?

Well,
it's kind of complicated,

but my moms, like,
got a sperm donor,

and me and my sister
have the same sperm donor,

so I actually don't know
that much about, like,

biologically my race
as much as, like,

I know other people do.

So that's kind of been harder
for me, because, like,

I don't know that much,
and I'm not really

supposed to know
that much about it,

so yeah.

And what are your--
what are your racial mixes?

I identify myself
as Afro-Latina.

It's kind of complicated
for me,

'cause I'm adopted,
and both of my moms are white,

but my birth mother
is African American,

and we--and we're, like,
most likely sure

that my birth father is Latino,

and so that's kind of
how I identify myself as.

♪ ♪

And tell me
about your older sister.

My older sister is Olivia.

She's 22.

And she and I
are really, really close.

And I feel like
because my moms are white,

they have a different
perspective of the world,

and I know that they try hard
to get into our minds

and teach us
what we should know.

But it gets hard sometimes,

so then that's when I turn
to my sister.

There is moments when we do
just sit down,

and we talk,
and she's definitely my, like,

role model for certain things.

Are there times
when you're with your family

that people who are outside
of your family

don't see you as a family, like,

don't see that you,
like--talk about that.

Every single day.

I feel like
if I'm walking around

with my whole family,
people kind of, like--

if I'm just, like,
a little bit to the side,

people think I'm, like,
not with them or something,

or they either think
that my sister is my mom,

or they think that one
of my moms is my mom

and that my father
is somewhere else, you know?

Or they think that, like--

and then they think
that the other--

like, my other mom
and my sister

are just friends
or something sometimes.

We've gotten, like, they think

that one of my moms
and my sister

are, like, a married couple.

Like, they, like--
which is really, really weird.

They just don't really
understand that we're a family

while we're walking around
in the outside, so...

Are there things that you
think people who don't identify

as mixed-race can do
a better job of understanding

about people
who are mixed-race?

I think that, like,
understanding that, like,

being multiple things
doesn't make you any less

- of any of those things.
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, I don't know.
- Yeah.

You know, you got it.

[laughter]
That's it.

'Cause I went over it,
like, five times.

No, 'cause you know
how teachers are like...

[tender cello music playing]

♪ ♪

My full name is Funmilayo,
but most people call me Mila.

And my middle name is Chao Mei,
which is a Chinese name.

And I am ten years old.

And I identify
as Black and Asian.

And so where does
your first name come from?

Funmilayo?

Well, I was named
after this activist in Nigeria,

Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti,

and my parents did
a lot of research about her

and thought that would be
a good fit for me.

Why do you think your parents
worked so hard

to give you such--
you and your sister

such special names?

Well, I think they want it
to have meaning,

because a name is something
that you usually have for life.

So I feel like it's important
for a name to have a meaning.

So do you have
Chinese traditions

that you celebrate
in your family?

We celebrate Chinese New Year
every year,

and we usually go to dim sum.

We dress up, and we invite
all our family,

like my second cousins
and my great-grandparents.

Are there any traditions
you saw

on your dad's side
of the family

or anything your dad
wants you to do

to sort of know about your
Black side of the family?

He tells me a lot about,
like, the history of racism

in our country

and a lot about hip-hop too.

And he also, like,
makes sure I read books

and read articles and, like,

learn a lot
about my Black roots.

[indistinct chatter]

[jazzy upright bass music]

You know, the way in which
we raise our daughters,

it's reflective of the way
that I was raised

in terms of just, like,
this kind of confluence

of music and art
and culture and food

and, you know, just
tight-knit, loving family.

There was a certain level
of intention

we had already had to bring
to our own personal growth.

- Yeah.
- So when we met each other,

there--I just felt like
we had more tools

to be talking about things,

and we talked about being
an interracial couple, like...

early on.

Do you remember one morning--

I think it was
the morning time,

and you were like,
"Do you think you're a racist?"

And I was like,

"Of course I am.

I grew up in this society."

Like, not that I'm, like--

I was testing you, babe,

'cause I don't trust anyone
who lives in society

- who can't recognize it.
- Yeah.

'Cause if you can't
acknowledge it,

then you can't
work against it, so...

Right, right.

And then I remember
you hugged me.

'Cause I think, internally,

now that you're like,
"I was testing you,"

it was like, "You passed! Oh"

- [laughs]
- That was so--that's funny.

Yeah.

It's funny how different
couples court each other.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

I have
this intellectual commitment

to the Black family,

and so many Black women
that I know are like, you know,

"Black men aren't checking
for me."

And especially in the Bay,
you know,

it's--there's a lot
of Black men with Asian women.

And so I was like, "I--
you know, I feel--

"I feel some kind of way
about us being together,

"and I feel a commitment
to Black families,

"and I want to support
Black families.

"And I also have a commitment
to Asian families,

and I have a commitment
to Asian men."

Yeah, so that was something
we talked about.

And I remember Bryant saying,
"You know, if we had a family,

"it would be a Black family.

And it would be
an Asian family too."

- Yeah.
- Yeah, it was, like, more--

it's more and more.

It's not less and less.

Or it's not that you have
to bifurcate it, you know.

Yeah, so that was a really
important conversation for me.

Yeah, and I had to kind of
work through

my own feelings of guilt
as well, you know,

in terms of just my commitment
to Black liberation struggles

and Black people
and coming from a Black family

and also just being like,

"This is a thing.

Like, I'm not--potentially not
gonna marry a Black woman."

And I was just clear that
I wanted to follow my heart.

And so it was all that,

and I think
that we were just clear

that we could figure this out together.

I knew I wanted
to have kids with you.

Mm-hmm.

♪ ♪

We would argue a lot
around parenting,

right, because it's--
we have all of these embedded

cultural assumptions about
what is good for our kids.

So for example, it's, like,
7:30 in the morning.

We're, like, arguing
about whether Mila

should go out of the house
with mismatching socks.

You know, 'cause I've thrown
everything--

you know, I'm like,
"Get out the door."

He's like, "You're not gonna
let her out of the house

with mismatching socks."

So anyways,
a big argument ensues.

But at a certain point,
there's, like, enough unpacking

that at some point,
Bryant says,

"She's a Black girl.

"Like, you don't need to send
her out in mismatching socks.

Like, let's not give anybody
any reason

to, like, think she's not
put together."

'Cause for me, I'm like,
"I grew up in Berkeley.

It's okay even if you wear
two different shoes."

You know, and so it could be,
like, 7:30 in the morning

and some socks,
but, like, race is still there

and your desire to, like,
give your kids the best chance

to, like, be accepted and seen

and, like, you know,
respected out in the world.

And what I've come to
discover from lots of therapy

is that it's trauma-based
responses, you know?

Growing up in the South
in Memphis

and dealing with just, like,

blatant racism
and microaggressions and--

you know, just the whole gamut,

and so the lens
through which I--

you know, in the beginning
stages of being a parent,

it was just a lot
of just anxiety and stress

and just wanting my child
to be okay and, like,

always looking
for whatever I could catch

to ensure
that she's gonna be good.

Because I know that regardless,
she's gonna be dealing

anti-Black racism.

She's gonna be dealing with
these assumptions and biases,

so I just felt like anything
that I can do to help to, like,

cut down on the ways in which

she might be perceived
negatively or whatever,

I wanted to, like, you know,
address that.

And now, you know, I--
I'm like, "Do your thing.

Wear mismatching socks.
Be you."

Because I don't want
my childhood trauma

to impact the way that she's,
like, showing up in the world.

I want her to be
a free Black girl.

I want her to be who she is
and not have to worry

about pleasing anyone
but her and her higher self.

And this is where I'm like,
hands down--

and we're not even at the end
of the journey

around parenting,
but our kids and Mila

have been instruments
of healing.

You know, so, like,
when, Bryant, you talk

about trauma from growing up
Black in the South

and how that is
intergenerational trauma

and people are like, you know,
when you heal your trauma,

you're healing
seven generations back

and seven generations forward,

and, like,
this kind of uncovering

just would have never happened
if we didn't have kids.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know, and so it's like,

Mila is an instrument
of healing.

Yeah.

♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

all:
♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ Let it shine, let it shine,
let it shine ♪

[cheers and applause]

A lot of people think
that kids can't handle

discussions about race
and racism.

What do you think
about that idea

that kids aren't prepared
to handle these discussions?

I don't think that's true
at all, really.

And race is so important
to our identities

and who we are,
and it's really--

it really affects us on
how we move through the world

and how we're treated
in society.

So I think that kids
can totally talk about that,

and they can have
an understanding

of race and racism.

And to the people who say,
"Well, teaching people--

"kids about race will just
make them more divided,

and we should just let them
be kids," et cetera, et cetera,

and I think that it's better
for them to learn about race

and learn kind of
what race means

and how race affects you
when you're younger

rather than later.

What do you parents think
about that?

That's my girl.
That's my girl.

That's what I think.
[laughs]

[soft music]

I recognize the look
in their eyes.

It's the same look
Melissa and I have in our eyes

when we look at our kids,

the same look all the parents
and family members

and caregivers
have in their eyes

when they look at these kids.

It's the look that says,

"The best thing I can do
for you is to set you up

"and then get out of your way.

You got this. You know."

Is there anything you think
us non-mixed-race people

need to know
about mixed-race people?

It's not being less
of one culture.

It's having the opportunity
to learn

more about yourself

and to have a deeper connection
to more cultures.

When you look in the mirror,
what do you see?

I like to think that mirrors
don't show everything.

Like, mirrors show
the outside of you,

but they can't tell, like,
the inside of you

or how you identify, like,
just by the look of you.

And if I asked you,
what ingredients make a Myles,

what are the ingredients
that make you up?

Ingredients are

family, friends,

happiness,

thoughtfulness,

lots of emotion.

[chuckles]

Black, Asian, and love.

And a llama and a corgi.

That's it.

All right, my last question
is, how am I doing?

How am I doing on this?

You're doing really good.

Thank you.
What am I doing good at?

You're asking
the right questions,

and I'm giving
the right answers,

and you picked the--

and you picked the right kid.

♪ ♪

[bright tone]