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1
00:00:10,810 --> 00:00:12,554
Hey, come on guys,
You're gonna miss
2
00:00:12,578 --> 00:00:14,189
The big fight on
The football field.
3
00:00:14,213 --> 00:00:15,624
Oh, wow, who's fightin'?
4
00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:16,680
Football team.
5
00:00:16,749 --> 00:00:20,418
Yeah, somebody,
I don't know who,
6
00:00:20,486 --> 00:00:24,522
Put itching powder
In their sweat suits.
7
00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:25,523
Who they gonna fight?
8
00:00:25,591 --> 00:00:27,591
Each other.
9
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,893
It'll be the greatest display
Of open field scratching
10
00:00:29,962 --> 00:00:31,629
Of the season.
11
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,231
You guys, you all go ahead.
12
00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:35,432
Me and juan, we gotta rehearse.
13
00:00:35,501 --> 00:00:36,901
That's right, that's right.
14
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,069
Me and freddie, we're
Entering the annual buchanan
15
00:00:39,138 --> 00:00:41,005
Talent contest.
16
00:00:43,442 --> 00:00:45,542
Oh, no.
17
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,678
No, no, no, I will
Not permit this.
18
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,114
Don't you remember what
Happened to you last year?
19
00:00:50,182 --> 00:00:51,415
They came in last.
20
00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,017
Further back than that.
21
00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:55,719
The scenery came
In ahead of them.
22
00:00:55,788 --> 00:00:58,856
Yeah, well, you see, last
Year we had a bad audience.
23
00:00:58,924 --> 00:01:00,591
- right?
- that's right.
24
00:01:00,659 --> 00:01:02,860
Yeah, man, even the beetles
Got booted when they
25
00:01:02,928 --> 00:01:04,761
First started, right?
26
00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:05,830
That's right.
27
00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:07,164
Right.
28
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:10,000
Oh, that's right, but nobody
Ever came up on stage
29
00:01:10,069 --> 00:01:14,238
And tried to set them on fire.
30
00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:16,051
Hey, what kind of act
You guys gonna do?
31
00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:17,375
It's top secret.
32
00:01:17,443 --> 00:01:21,212
Oh, I should've known.
33
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:24,481
Most big bombs are.
34
00:01:24,550 --> 00:01:25,950
Come on, guys.
35
00:01:26,018 --> 00:01:28,319
Why you gonna work so
Hard over this lousy trophy?
36
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:31,489
You can pawn
That trophy for $10.
37
00:01:31,557 --> 00:01:33,257
Come on, let's get to class.
38
00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:35,759
Hey, mr. Woodman, have
You heard the good news?
39
00:01:35,828 --> 00:01:37,227
I hate good news.
40
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:38,396
Go ahead anyway.
41
00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:43,867
Freddie and juan here are
Entering the talent show.
42
00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:48,272
Oh, that is good news.
43
00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:49,540
Come on, mr. Woodman.
44
00:01:49,608 --> 00:01:51,875
Last year, they barely
Escaped with their lives.
45
00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:53,244
I know.
46
00:01:53,312 --> 00:01:55,713
This year, I'm gonna
Seal off the exits.
47
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:00,951
Mr. Woodman.
48
00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:07,658
Mr. Woodman, look at this.
49
00:02:07,726 --> 00:02:09,293
It's a threatening letter,
50
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:12,563
Actually threatening
Bodily harm.
51
00:02:12,631 --> 00:02:14,576
These little animals
Have gone too far.
52
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,601
Nobody sends threatening
Letters to my teachers.
53
00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:20,337
Oh no, it's not for me.
54
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:23,040
It's from me, to you.
55
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,879
What's your problem, jean?
56
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:30,948
Well, I don't think that
I, as the english teacher,
57
00:02:31,016 --> 00:02:33,484
Should have to be in
Charge of the talent show.
58
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,164
And who do you
Think should run it?
59
00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:37,132
Well, what about the
Captain of the football team?
60
00:02:37,156 --> 00:02:39,289
He's used to getting
Kicked when he's down.
61
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,637
Don't mention the
Football team to me.
62
00:02:42,661 --> 00:02:44,428
I have another
Problem with them.
63
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:45,729
What happened?
64
00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:48,065
Some clown put itching
Powder in their sweat suits,
65
00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:52,069
And now they're all
Scratchin' themselves silly.
66
00:02:52,138 --> 00:02:53,949
Now, what's your problem
With the talent show?
67
00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:55,406
Well, I wanna cancel it.
68
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:56,407
Why?
69
00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:57,541
Orders of my dentist.
70
00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:01,612
He says I'm just
Grindin' my teeth away.
71
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,381
Jean, I have no time
For your little jokes.
72
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:07,318
But, mr. Woodman, if
We put this show on,
73
00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:09,086
It's gonna be terrible.
74
00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:10,465
These kids are just
Gonna get up there
75
00:03:10,489 --> 00:03:12,289
And make fools of themselves.
76
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:15,559
And that's what I
Like best about it.
77
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:16,639
But I like these kids.
78
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,962
And I just hate
To see 'em do bad.
79
00:03:19,031 --> 00:03:21,042
Why don't we postpone
It so I'll have more time
80
00:03:21,066 --> 00:03:22,266
To work with them?
81
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:24,335
We are gonna have a
Talent show on schedule,
82
00:03:24,403 --> 00:03:25,948
And you are the
Teacher in charge.
83
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,605
And you're just gonna
Have to face the music.
84
00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:30,007
Music?
85
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:33,744
The closest we come to
That is a little boy that plays
86
00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:38,215
Lady of spain on stolen hubcaps.
87
00:03:38,283 --> 00:03:39,761
I don't understand all the fuss!
88
00:03:39,785 --> 00:03:41,396
I mean personally,
I love that show.
89
00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:44,321
I mean, the people
Throwin' fruit and garbage.
90
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:47,424
And the booing and the
Hissing and the profanity.
91
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:50,594
♪ oh there's no business
Like show business
92
00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:53,731
Like no business I know ♪♪
93
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,668
♪
94
00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:08,379
♪ welcome back ♪
95
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:12,282
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
96
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:14,451
♪ welcome back ♪
97
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:19,190
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
98
00:04:19,258 --> 00:04:21,358
♪ well the names
Have all changed
99
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,594
Since you hung around ♪
100
00:04:23,662 --> 00:04:25,596
♪ but those dreams have remained
101
00:04:25,664 --> 00:04:27,932
And they've turned around ♪
102
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,134
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
103
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,269
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
104
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,304
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
105
00:04:34,373 --> 00:04:36,373
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
106
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,242
♪ yeah, we tease him a lot
107
00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:40,510
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
108
00:04:40,579 --> 00:04:42,679
♪ welcome back ♪
109
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:46,984
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪
110
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,120
♪ welcome back, welcome back ♪
111
00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:51,188
♪ yeah we tease him a lot
112
00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,523
'cause we've got
Him on the spot ♪
113
00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:55,659
♪ welcome back ♪
114
00:04:55,728 --> 00:05:00,063
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪
115
00:05:00,132 --> 00:05:04,468
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪
116
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:08,806
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪
117
00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:16,580
Now try to keep that up, now.
118
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,783
Put this ball back
With the rest of 'em.
119
00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,986
All right, now who's
Up next for audition?
120
00:05:22,054 --> 00:05:24,855
We are!
121
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:26,802
My brother and me
Got an acrobatic act.
122
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:27,991
We'll set it up right now.
123
00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:29,793
All right.
124
00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:38,179
You ready, ms. Tremaine?
125
00:05:38,203 --> 00:05:40,537
Yeah, go ahead, hun.
126
00:05:43,175 --> 00:05:44,720
Oh, wait a minute,
Wait a minute!
127
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:45,675
Hold it!
128
00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:47,944
Come on down off of that ladder.
129
00:05:48,013 --> 00:05:49,680
I don't know
About this act here.
130
00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:50,681
We done it before.
131
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:54,485
We always find him again.
132
00:05:54,553 --> 00:05:55,563
You kids just go on home.
133
00:05:55,587 --> 00:05:56,854
I'll call, you hear?
134
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:57,966
We ain't got no phone.
135
00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,034
Well, don't worry about it.
136
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:00,702
I'll beat out somethin'
On a hollow log.
137
00:06:00,726 --> 00:06:04,561
Go on home.
138
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,763
All right, now, who's
Next up for the audition?
139
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:09,433
We, we, we, we are, we
Are, ms. Tremaine, yeah.
140
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:10,712
- curtain up!
- light the lights!
141
00:06:10,736 --> 00:06:12,335
Call the cops!
142
00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:19,175
All right, let's see your act
Before my rolaid wears off.
143
00:06:19,244 --> 00:06:20,577
All right.
144
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:22,680
Quiet!
145
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:26,484
I want everybody to settle
Down because to begin this act,
146
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,619
We need silence.
147
00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:32,722
Yeah, that's all you're
Gonna hear when it's over.
148
00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:35,059
Yeah, carvelli say
That's all you gonna hear
149
00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:37,594
When it's over.
150
00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:40,598
Well, well, well, if it
Isn't murray and carvelli.
151
00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:42,244
What are you punks doin' here?
152
00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:43,645
Well, we thought we'd
Come down and watch
153
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:44,768
You guys audition.
154
00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:48,305
You see, murray
Here likes animal acts.
155
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:54,044
Yeah, epstein, roll over.
156
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:57,815
How would you like
To play dead, murray?
157
00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,327
Hey, ms. Tremaine, I don't
Got to perform in front
158
00:06:59,351 --> 00:07:00,763
Of these guys, they
Shouldn't even be here.
159
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:02,152
They've got a right to be here.
160
00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:07,825
They're performers, and this is
An equal opportunity disaster.
161
00:07:07,893 --> 00:07:09,326
Oh, yeah, what do they do?
162
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:11,829
Musical muggings?
163
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,298
Are you gonna
Audition or aren't you?
164
00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,967
No, absolutely not, I will
Not perform in front of them.
165
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:20,638
No way.
166
00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:21,906
Don't get so tight, epstein.
167
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,174
We're leavin' anyway.
168
00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:26,743
You see, I hate to
Associate with losers,
169
00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:30,547
Except of course, my
Good friend, murray.
170
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:36,520
Yeah, I'm the only looser
He associates with.
171
00:07:36,588 --> 00:07:39,489
So, you can look for us in
The winner's circle, all right?
172
00:07:39,558 --> 00:07:41,692
Come on, murray, let's
Go skin an alligator.
173
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,199
Hey, arnold.
174
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,567
How bad is this talent show?
175
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,670
Oh, it's not that bad.
176
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:58,608
Last year's winner, guido
Venelli, had a very unusual act.
177
00:07:58,677 --> 00:08:01,645
He would chew up
Crayons and then spit
178
00:08:01,713 --> 00:08:05,415
A beautiful painting.
179
00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:09,019
Oh, everybody in the
Audience loved guido.
180
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:13,023
Except for maybe
The first two rows.
181
00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:15,759
That's nothin', we had a
Guy down in new orleans.
182
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,695
He did a three
Dimensional wall plaque.
183
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:19,129
Oh yeah, with crayons?
184
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:23,534
No, he spit grits.
185
00:08:23,602 --> 00:08:27,838
Well, well, well, if it
Ain't romulus and remus.
186
00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:29,673
Hey, you fellas
Plannin' on goin'
187
00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:31,141
To the talent show this year?
188
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,654
Sure, what's it to ya, carvelli?
189
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:33,955
Well, I just wanted to let
You know that you better
190
00:08:33,979 --> 00:08:36,513
Take your sunglasses
'cause when your
191
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,193
Two little friends is up there,
192
00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:41,185
Even the foot lights
Is gonna turn around.
193
00:08:43,822 --> 00:08:45,855
That's not funny.
194
00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:46,968
Hey, look, what are
You gonna be doin'
195
00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:48,203
In the talent show, carvelli?
196
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:50,460
Well, I'll tell ya,
Beau, I'm gonna be takin'
197
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:52,563
Home that beautiful gold trophy.
198
00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,197
Come on, carvelli.
199
00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:56,233
You got about as
Much chance of winning
200
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:59,236
As the hunchback of notre
Dame has of buying a suit
201
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:00,404
Off the rack.
202
00:09:02,474 --> 00:09:04,575
That's funny!
203
00:09:04,643 --> 00:09:06,483
- hey, murray.
- everything's been takin'
204
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:07,811
Care of, carvelli.
205
00:09:07,879 --> 00:09:09,846
That's good, murray,
That's real good.
206
00:09:09,915 --> 00:09:12,983
You see, that's real good.
207
00:09:13,051 --> 00:09:14,250
Excuse me, excuse me.
208
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,097
I'd like to introduce
You fellas here.
209
00:09:16,121 --> 00:09:19,323
This is mr. Arnold horshack,
Mr. Beau de labarre.
210
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,692
This is his honor
Mousey, his honor rick,
211
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:24,127
And of course you
Know, his honor murray.
212
00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:25,228
His honor?
213
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,896
It's a term of respect.
214
00:09:26,965 --> 00:09:29,733
You see, these are the
Fellas that ms. Tremaine has
215
00:09:29,801 --> 00:09:33,069
Selected to be the judges
Of the upcomin' talent show.
216
00:09:33,138 --> 00:09:35,138
Hey, arnold.
217
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:37,007
I think the fix is in.
218
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,576
Okay, carvelli,
Did you bribe them?
219
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:40,722
How could you say such a thing?
220
00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:43,313
Arnold, let me put
It to you this way.
221
00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:45,883
They think that I'm santa claus
222
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:49,386
And he's murray the
Red nose reindeer.
223
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:54,091
Come on, fellas, I'll
Buy ya a yogurt pizza.
224
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,994
Well, poor god, are we
Gonna let murray and carvelli
225
00:09:57,062 --> 00:09:58,295
Get away with this?
226
00:09:58,364 --> 00:09:59,374
Are we gonna let
Our two best friends
227
00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:00,330
Work this hard
And have their pride
228
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:02,099
Stolen out from under 'em?
229
00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:03,778
Would the little
Beaver turn his back
230
00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:05,835
On the red ryder?
231
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:07,737
Would superman turn
His back on lois lane?
232
00:10:07,806 --> 00:10:08,817
Not in a phone booth.
233
00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:09,873
Not in that outfit.
234
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,075
Shazam.
235
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,623
Back in louisiana, we
Used to have this fox
236
00:10:15,647 --> 00:10:17,727
That would sneak into the
Chicken coop every night.
237
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:18,793
My daddy put an end to that.
238
00:10:18,817 --> 00:10:20,016
Oh yeah, how?
239
00:10:20,085 --> 00:10:23,187
Put a mountain lion in there
240
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:24,933
And taught him how to lay eggs.
241
00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:36,500
Mister... Oh, mr. Woodman!
242
00:10:36,568 --> 00:10:38,668
You're just the
Man I wanted to see.
243
00:10:38,737 --> 00:10:42,005
I never thought
I would say that.
244
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:43,173
What do you want?
245
00:10:43,241 --> 00:10:45,575
Well, we would like to
Volunteer our services.
246
00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,564
Good, why don't you
Run down to the cafeteria
247
00:10:47,612 --> 00:10:49,646
And defuse the meatballs?
248
00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:53,650
You talk to him, beau,
He's in a great mood.
249
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:54,896
Hey, look, mr. Woodman,
We wanna help out
250
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,588
In the talent show.
251
00:10:57,656 --> 00:10:59,401
Why don't you learn
To play the flute,
252
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:03,293
And lead all the
Sweathogs into the river?
253
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:07,364
Oh, mr. Woodman,
You're such a scamp.
254
00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:10,667
No, we're serious.
255
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:13,203
We would like to
Volunteer our services
256
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,939
To be the alternate
Judges in the talent show.
257
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,775
Ha, ha, you can't be judges!
258
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,277
You gotta mark a ballot.
259
00:11:21,346 --> 00:11:24,314
I know you're not
Up to the x's yet.
260
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,556
Oh, ms. Tremaine, hi!
261
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,790
Hi.
262
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:37,060
We would like to
Volunteer our services to be
263
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:40,797
The alternate judges
In the talent show.
264
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:43,366
Why do we need alternate judges?
265
00:11:43,435 --> 00:11:45,313
Suppose somethin' happened
To the regular judges?
266
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,871
You can't have a talent
Show without judges.
267
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,940
We're havin' it without talent.
268
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,946
Yeah, but if you
Didn't have any judges
269
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,626
Than you wouldn't
Have any winners,
270
00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,517
And then you'd have to have
The talent show all over again.
271
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:03,587
All over again?
272
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:07,156
Congratulations,
Alternate judge number one,
273
00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:09,459
Alternate judge number two.
274
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:11,595
Be in the auditorium
Friday night,
275
00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:13,463
And wear old clothes.
276
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:20,270
If you like it, you
Mark an x over here,
277
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:22,372
And if you don't, you
Mark an x over there.
278
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,174
It ain't that deep.
279
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:30,114
All right now,
Everybody settle down.
280
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:32,382
How did you get rid
Of the other judges?
281
00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:34,095
I just told the football team
Who put the itching powder
282
00:12:34,119 --> 00:12:35,152
In their uniforms.
283
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:36,619
What?
284
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:41,258
Oh, I get it!
285
00:12:41,326 --> 00:12:43,059
The sooner we get
This show started,
286
00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:45,896
The sooner we
Can get it over with.
287
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:47,875
All right, now, I'm about
To introduce to you
288
00:12:47,899 --> 00:12:51,968
The judges, but before I do,
Just remember this one thing,
289
00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:56,906
These people are
Human beings just like me,
290
00:12:56,975 --> 00:13:00,444
And one or two of you.
291
00:13:00,512 --> 00:13:03,647
Now, our judges
Are wilbur murray.
292
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:04,748
Stand up, wilbur.
293
00:13:07,552 --> 00:13:09,286
What happened to
The other two judges?
294
00:13:09,354 --> 00:13:10,765
Well, they were
Just itchin' to be here,
295
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:13,489
But they just couldn't make it.
296
00:13:13,558 --> 00:13:14,702
I don't know about you two.
297
00:13:14,726 --> 00:13:16,193
There's somethin' smelly here.
298
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:21,264
You think somethin' smells
Now, wait 'till the show starts.
299
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:24,367
All right now, these are
Our two alternate judges.
300
00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:27,070
This one is beau de labarre.
301
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:29,539
Quiet now.
302
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:32,576
Sit down, beau, go sit down.
303
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,779
And this is arnold horshack.
304
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:38,348
Quiet, will you be
Quiet, arnold, stop that!
305
00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:41,117
Sit down!
306
00:13:41,186 --> 00:13:44,654
Now, they're gonna
Be fair and square.
307
00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:45,856
I'll certainly be fair.
308
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,958
We all know how
Square arnold is.
309
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:49,860
Beau de labarre, I'm
Tellin' you to sit down,
310
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:53,263
Now sit down.
311
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,798
All right, now on with our show.
312
00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:59,936
Our first contestant, we
Have the bonnavittacola
313
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:01,504
Dancing girls.
314
00:14:01,573 --> 00:14:04,874
They are terry, linda and carol.
315
00:14:04,943 --> 00:14:07,344
And they are going to
Do for you their version
316
00:14:07,412 --> 00:14:09,312
Of the nutcracker suite.
317
00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:14,217
They're gonna do
This all on pogo sticks.
318
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:19,022
You're gonna love some of this.
319
00:14:20,892 --> 00:14:23,193
Stop it, stop it, stop it!
320
00:14:23,261 --> 00:14:24,194
Cut that out.
321
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,462
Put that tomato down.
322
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,063
Stop it!
323
00:14:29,934 --> 00:14:31,701
You go to the nurse.
324
00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:38,441
All right now,
For act number 23.
325
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:43,646
We have a mind reading duo
Here called medium and rare.
326
00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:56,526
Everybody now, I wanna
Introduce everybody over here
327
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:59,696
To the great swamy.
328
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:03,333
But first, I gotta
Blindfold him.
329
00:15:06,104 --> 00:15:09,305
Oh great swamy,
Are you blindfolded?
330
00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:11,508
- right.
- all right, okay.
331
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:15,278
Now, everybody, the swamy,
He's gonna baffle your minds
332
00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:20,817
With feats of extra sensory
Perception and mind readin'.
333
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:22,786
Okay now, swamy, you ready?
334
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:26,155
- yeah, yeah.
- all right.
335
00:15:26,224 --> 00:15:28,525
Come here, baby.
336
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,794
Okay now, swamy, I got
A volunteer from out
337
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:31,961
Of the audience.
338
00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:34,731
Now tell me, swamy,
With your great mind,
339
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:36,966
Is she male or female?
340
00:15:42,006 --> 00:15:44,140
He's female!
341
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:46,142
That's right!
342
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:52,081
Swamy, okay now,
Okay, now this girl,
343
00:15:52,150 --> 00:15:53,984
She has something on her wrist.
344
00:15:54,052 --> 00:15:59,889
And believe me, you'll
Get this in no time.
345
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,157
A hat?
346
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:04,327
No, no, look, she's got
Somethin' on her wrist.
347
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:06,730
- handcuffs.
- no, no, no, swamy.
348
00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:08,398
Now, think, think!
349
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,134
Now, come on now, listen up.
350
00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:14,905
The seconds are tickin' away.
351
00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:18,775
So, watch out.
352
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,547
Watch out?
353
00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:25,248
Watch out?
354
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:28,718
Watch... Watch.
355
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:33,490
On her wrist, she wears a watch!
356
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:38,761
The swamy, the swamy
Knows, he knows.
357
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:39,762
Come on, come on, give
Me somethin' tougher,
358
00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:40,875
Give me somethin' tougher.
359
00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:42,899
Okay now, swamy, this chick now,
360
00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,235
She's got somethin' on her foot.
361
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,203
Ew!
362
00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:50,473
Come here now, swamy.
363
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:53,843
This is gonna be a real shoe-in.
364
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,789
Now, swamy, if you don't
Get this, you gonna feel
365
00:16:55,813 --> 00:17:01,518
Like a heel, so, please
Don't be a loafer.
366
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:05,321
Come on, freddie,
Give me some clues.
367
00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:08,058
Come on now, swamy, think,
Think with all your heart
368
00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:11,694
And soul.
369
00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:12,962
Soul?
370
00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:14,697
Soul, I have it!
371
00:17:14,766 --> 00:17:19,135
On her foot, she wears a fish!
372
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,905
I know, the swamy, he knows!
373
00:17:24,609 --> 00:17:25,909
Hey, what's the matter with you?
374
00:17:25,977 --> 00:17:27,254
You did it real
Good in rehearsal!
375
00:17:27,278 --> 00:17:29,156
In rehearsal, I didn't
Have to wear a blindfold!
376
00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:32,081
Hey, let's get out of here.
377
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:34,150
The swamy will return!
378
00:17:34,218 --> 00:17:39,355
Settle down.
379
00:17:39,424 --> 00:17:41,925
For the final act
Of the evening,
380
00:17:44,195 --> 00:17:45,896
All right, all right.
381
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:51,034
We will have songs from
The sewer by carvelli.
382
00:17:59,577 --> 00:18:03,813
Thank you very much
For that round of appeal.
383
00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:07,417
It's time for my friend
And compatriot, oyster.
384
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:08,896
He's over there, oyster, can
We have a round of applause
385
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,287
For oyster, please?
386
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:13,389
Thank you very much.
387
00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:15,170
Oyster's telling
Me something now.
388
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,493
Oyster's gonna be a mother.
389
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:17,905
Look at this, ladies
And gentlemen.
390
00:18:17,929 --> 00:18:22,699
Little oysters.
391
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:25,034
It's all right, she
Already has two kids.
392
00:18:28,373 --> 00:18:30,206
I'm gonna change
A three of clubs
393
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:33,709
To a one and a half of clubs.
394
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:45,121
And right now, watch
Again as I tear it up.
395
00:18:45,189 --> 00:18:47,557
Now, as I tear this up,
Many things are probably
396
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,025
Going through your mind.
397
00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:51,260
I wish I could say
The same for myself.
398
00:18:53,431 --> 00:18:57,099
And now, my
Impression of a parade.
399
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,006
I ordered soup.
400
00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:13,149
This first song,
It's called lunch.
401
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:16,152
It's dedicated to dirt.
402
00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:25,027
♪ I was born in the gutter,
403
00:19:25,096 --> 00:19:28,732
That's why I'm so smelly ♪
404
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,701
♪ I don't like peanut butter
405
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:34,871
Unless it's smooshed
With jelly ♪
406
00:19:34,939 --> 00:19:37,807
♪ peanut butter and jelly ♪
407
00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:40,744
♪ that's all I put in my belly ♪
408
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:43,647
♪ peanut butter and jelly ♪
409
00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:46,683
♪ that's all I put in
My belly, everybody ♪
410
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,652
♪ peanut butter and jelly ♪
411
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:52,522
♪ that's all I put in my belly ♪
412
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:56,359
♪ I'm a peanut butter
And jelly kind of guy ♪
413
00:19:56,428 --> 00:20:00,330
♪ peanut butter
And jelly on rye ♪♪
414
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,252
All right, here we go.
415
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:16,379
This is called,
Carvelli's theme.
416
00:20:16,447 --> 00:20:20,050
♪ my name's carvelli ♪
417
00:20:20,118 --> 00:20:22,752
♪ I live in new york ♪
418
00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:24,921
♪ I'm so mean and nasty ♪
419
00:20:24,989 --> 00:20:27,023
♪ I eat my soup with a fork ♪♪
420
00:20:47,612 --> 00:20:49,412
Quiet, you're throwin' me off.
421
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,669
Thank you.
422
00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:15,304
Thank you, thank you.
423
00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:22,012
All right, quiet
Down now, quiet down.
424
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:26,182
It's now time for the
Decision of the judges.
425
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:28,584
We have one vote for carvelli.
426
00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:36,493
One vote for medium and rare.
427
00:21:36,561 --> 00:21:39,296
And one vote for carvelli.
428
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,364
The winner is carvelli.
429
00:21:47,505 --> 00:21:50,006
I'm telling you, I've seen shows
On broadway that were worse.
430
00:21:50,075 --> 00:21:53,809
I can't believe this, guys.
431
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,912
Hi.
432
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,114
So, what happened, friends?
433
00:21:58,183 --> 00:22:01,050
Yeah, pals?
434
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:04,420
You guys stank.
435
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:06,356
I mean really stink.
436
00:22:06,424 --> 00:22:07,657
I mean, whoa!
437
00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:09,993
All right, I get the picture.
438
00:22:10,061 --> 00:22:11,928
Yeah, I got where
You comin' from.
439
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,064
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
440
00:22:14,132 --> 00:22:17,767
If you voted for carvelli,
And you voted for carvelli,
441
00:22:17,836 --> 00:22:19,602
Who voted for us?
442
00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,115
- I did!
- you?
443
00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:24,007
Yeah, you were terrific.
444
00:22:24,075 --> 00:22:26,175
Epstein here figured
Out that she was a girl
445
00:22:26,244 --> 00:22:28,478
And was wearin' a watch.
446
00:22:28,546 --> 00:22:32,148
Epstein, you a great swamy.
447
00:22:36,854 --> 00:22:39,955
All right, you guys, come on,
Get that sound system put up.
448
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,802
And get these
Chairs all folded up.
449
00:22:41,826 --> 00:22:44,427
I'd like to get outta
Here by 10 o'clock.
450
00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:48,564
Hey, listen, I'm really
Kind of proud of you guys.
451
00:22:48,633 --> 00:22:51,067
I mean, I like the way you
Stuck up for your friends,
452
00:22:51,136 --> 00:22:55,104
But you were honest with them
And honest with yourselves, too.
453
00:22:55,173 --> 00:22:58,674
We did all that?
454
00:22:58,743 --> 00:22:59,820
Hello there, mr. Woodman.
455
00:22:59,844 --> 00:23:01,177
How'd you like the talent show?
456
00:23:01,246 --> 00:23:02,344
It was too short.
457
00:23:02,413 --> 00:23:03,712
Too short?
458
00:23:03,781 --> 00:23:09,118
Yeah, I got four
Rotten eggs left over.
459
00:23:09,187 --> 00:23:11,354
Good night, you guys,
I'm sorry you didn't win.
460
00:23:11,423 --> 00:23:13,623
You gonna do somethin'
Different next year?
461
00:23:13,692 --> 00:23:15,703
Nah, I kinda liked this act,
You know, the blindfold
462
00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:19,662
Protects my eyes
Against the tomatoes.
463
00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:23,433
With your act, you oughta give
The blindfolds to the audience.
464
00:23:23,501 --> 00:23:25,112
I'm tellin' ya, man, we
Shoulda stuck with the act
465
00:23:25,136 --> 00:23:26,747
That we did last
Year, that works.
466
00:23:26,771 --> 00:23:30,973
Oh, yes, it was called
The hustle, bustle, rustle,
467
00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:36,579
Bump, lump, grind, rock,
Sock, lock and boogie.
468
00:23:36,647 --> 00:23:40,083
It sounds like somethin'
That happens to my car.
469
00:23:40,151 --> 00:23:42,185
Let freddie and I
Illustrate it for you.
470
00:23:42,253 --> 00:23:46,822
Freddie, if you would, one,
A two, a one, two three four.
471
00:23:46,891 --> 00:23:49,525
♪ ba, da, da, da, da, da ♪♪
472
00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:02,505
♪
473
00:24:06,378 --> 00:24:09,078
♪ welcome back ♪
474
00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:12,682
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
475
00:24:12,751 --> 00:24:15,017
♪ welcome back ♪
476
00:24:15,086 --> 00:24:19,756
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
477
00:24:19,824 --> 00:24:21,891
♪ well the names
Have all changed
478
00:24:21,959 --> 00:24:24,159
Since you hung around ♪
479
00:24:24,228 --> 00:24:26,262
♪ but those dreams have remained
480
00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:28,497
And they've turned around ♪
481
00:24:28,566 --> 00:24:30,667
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead you ♪
482
00:24:30,735 --> 00:24:32,579
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead you ♪
483
00:24:32,603 --> 00:24:34,703
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
484
00:24:34,772 --> 00:24:36,706
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
485
00:24:36,774 --> 00:24:38,874
♪ yeah we tease him a lot
486
00:24:38,943 --> 00:24:41,077
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
487
00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:43,246
♪ welcome back ♪
488
00:24:43,314 --> 00:24:47,550
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪
489
00:24:47,618 --> 00:24:49,852
♪ welcome back, welcome back ♪
490
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,588
♪ welcome back ♪
491
00:24:52,657 --> 00:24:56,492
♪ we always could
Spot a friend ♪
492
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,728
♪ welcome back ♪
493
00:24:58,796 --> 00:25:00,863
♪ and I smile when I think
494
00:25:00,932 --> 00:25:03,298
How you must've been ♪
495
00:25:03,367 --> 00:25:05,267
♪ and I know what a scene ♪♪
35750
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