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1
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:06,515
- arnold, wait a
Second, hold the door.
2
00:00:06,539 --> 00:00:07,549
I want to pass out
The latest edition
3
00:00:07,573 --> 00:00:08,706
Of "The buchanan bugle."
4
00:00:08,741 --> 00:00:10,641
- oh here, let me carry some.
5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,212
- oh, butterfingers.
6
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,282
- you know, mary,
You're doing so much
7
00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:20,451
On this school paper.
8
00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:25,723
You're the writer, the
Editor, the paperboy.
9
00:00:25,758 --> 00:00:27,225
- boy, arnold?
10
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:28,859
- paperperson.
11
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:34,899
Oh, and everybody
Just loves the paper.
12
00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:37,735
They just can't wait for
The next issue to come out.
13
00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:40,204
They read it from
Cover to cover.
14
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,473
- oh, thank you, arnold.
15
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:45,243
Listen, I know we were
Gonna study friday night
16
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,023
For that exam on monday
But I have to beg off.
17
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,646
I have to lay out some ads.
18
00:00:48,681 --> 00:00:49,847
- oh.
19
00:00:49,882 --> 00:00:51,516
Oh, well, that's okay.
20
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,351
How about on saturday then?
21
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:57,021
- oh, I'm sorry, I have to
Type up the new stories.
22
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,389
Sunday for sure.
23
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,931
- okay.
24
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:08,499
See you later.
25
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:15,239
Hi.
26
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:18,842
Extra, extra, read all about it.
27
00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:22,480
"The buchanan bugle,"
Hot off the presses.
28
00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:24,482
- hand 'em out now, arnold.
29
00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:26,128
It'll be a while before
Epstein figures out
30
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,919
What he's supposed to
Do with that projector.
31
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:35,226
- informed students
Make better lovers.
32
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:40,198
One for you, and some
For you, and some...
33
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:46,104
There are plenty of pictures
If you can't read, you know?
34
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:49,240
One for you and one
For you and one for you
35
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,309
And one for you. And one for me.
36
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:53,478
- all right, sit down, horshack.
37
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:56,214
Now we'll have a
Film about bolivia
38
00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:58,282
And then we'll have a test.
39
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:00,284
Roll it, epstein.
40
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,385
- ready?
41
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,121
And action.
42
00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:13,041
- forget picking
Up the film, epstein.
43
00:02:13,065 --> 00:02:14,030
Just take your seat.
44
00:02:14,066 --> 00:02:15,031
- it's all right.
45
00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:16,445
I will be ready for
Take two in a second.
46
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,335
- get your buns in your chair.
47
00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:21,383
- come on, just give
Me a second here.
48
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:22,584
- that's what you said yesterday
49
00:02:22,608 --> 00:02:24,141
When you broke the sprocket
50
00:02:24,176 --> 00:02:26,977
And the day before when
You ran the wrong film.
51
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,914
- are you saying I
Ain't incompetent?
52
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,954
- I'm saying you're washed
Up as school projectionist.
53
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:40,391
I don't want you to touch
Any equipment anymore.
54
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:41,903
- wait a second now.
You can't do this to me.
55
00:02:41,927 --> 00:02:44,861
I gave meaning to
This crummy job.
56
00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:47,298
- I'm sick of your
Blundering, epstein.
57
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:50,967
I'm assigning you to something
You can't make any worse.
58
00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:54,471
From now on, you're working
On the school newspaper.
59
00:02:55,874 --> 00:02:57,719
- wow, man, "The
Buchanan bugle"?
60
00:02:57,743 --> 00:03:00,311
I wouldn't put that
Paper under my dog.
61
00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:05,182
- put that film away
And take your seat.
62
00:03:05,217 --> 00:03:06,850
Can we talk about bolivia?
63
00:03:06,885 --> 00:03:08,430
- forget bolivia, mr. Woodman,
64
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:10,688
The white mice are
Loose in the biology lab.
65
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:12,923
We've got to get them
Back in their cages.
66
00:03:12,958 --> 00:03:14,703
- well, can't you
Take care of it?
67
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:16,960
- mr. Woodman, you're
So much better at that.
68
00:03:16,995 --> 00:03:18,962
You've got a way with mice.
69
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:22,811
- beauregard, you're in charge.
70
00:03:22,835 --> 00:03:24,034
I'll take care of the mice.
71
00:03:24,069 --> 00:03:25,069
You watch the rats.
72
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,272
- class dismissed.
73
00:03:29,308 --> 00:03:33,444
- hey, little juan,
Don't feel so bad.
74
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:36,647
Look, my friend mary
Johnson is the editor
75
00:03:36,682 --> 00:03:39,282
Of "The buchanan bugle."
Maybe I can pull some strings
76
00:03:39,318 --> 00:03:40,962
And she could do
Something for you.
77
00:03:40,986 --> 00:03:42,653
- like get you off it.
78
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:44,999
- I just might surprise you guys
79
00:03:45,023 --> 00:03:46,901
And turn that
Newspaper into something.
80
00:03:46,925 --> 00:03:48,537
- hey, you wouldn't surprise me.
81
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:52,229
You already turned that
Projector into a mixmaster.
82
00:03:52,264 --> 00:03:55,198
- c'mon, c'mon, I'm working
With inferior equipment here.
83
00:03:55,234 --> 00:03:57,835
- yeah. Your hands
And your brain.
84
00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:01,249
- juan.
- what?
85
00:04:01,273 --> 00:04:03,051
- let me fill you in
With something, okay?
86
00:04:03,075 --> 00:04:04,586
There's only one paper
In this whole country
87
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:06,009
That's worth reading.
88
00:04:06,044 --> 00:04:09,279
And that's this right
Here, "The national insider."
89
00:04:09,314 --> 00:04:12,449
- yeah, I read that every day.
90
00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:13,485
- hey, murray.
91
00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:15,452
It only comes out once a week.
92
00:04:16,989 --> 00:04:19,022
- hey, I'm a slow reader.
93
00:04:20,025 --> 00:04:24,060
- oh, murray, if you ever
Donate your brain to science,
94
00:04:24,096 --> 00:04:27,030
Put a little note on it
So they know what it is.
95
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,401
- hey, carvelli, man,
That paper there, man,
96
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:31,880
That "Insider,"
That's junk, man.
97
00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:33,248
That's trash.
- what? Are you kiddin' me?
98
00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:34,237
Where do you see
Headlines like this?
99
00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:35,238
Look at this.
100
00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:38,008
"Three-headed cow
Survives elevator fall."
101
00:04:40,078 --> 00:04:42,946
- who cares about
A three-headed cow?
102
00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:44,314
- a three-headed bull.
103
00:04:46,652 --> 00:04:48,463
- all right, arnold. Here's
Something for you right here.
104
00:04:48,487 --> 00:04:49,664
Look at this.
- what?
105
00:04:49,688 --> 00:04:52,956
- "Burt reynolds reveals
Secret sex appeal diet.
106
00:04:52,991 --> 00:04:56,894
Look at that."
- oh, let me see this.
107
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:59,596
Hey, this is what I
Had for breakfast.
108
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:02,834
I'd better go home,
109
00:05:02,868 --> 00:05:05,101
I might be getting a
Call from sally field.
110
00:05:05,137 --> 00:05:06,603
Bye now.
111
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,806
- get back here. This
Here's my cyclopedia.
112
00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:09,951
This has got
Everything and it's stuff
113
00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,319
They're afraid to
Put on television,
114
00:05:11,343 --> 00:05:12,643
stories and stuff like that.
115
00:05:12,678 --> 00:05:15,111
- well, I for one
Am certainly glad
116
00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:17,781
That "The buchanan
Bugle" does not stoop
117
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,417
To that kind of
Shabby reporting.
118
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,197
- maybe that's the
Problem, arnold.
119
00:05:23,221 --> 00:05:26,022
The "Bugle" ain't telling
The untold story.
120
00:05:26,058 --> 00:05:30,527
Look at this here, "Swiss
Doctor proves osmond family
121
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:33,129
Cloning six new brothers."
122
00:05:47,379 --> 00:05:50,013
♪ welcome back ♪
123
00:05:50,048 --> 00:05:53,684
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
124
00:05:53,719 --> 00:05:55,953
♪ welcome back ♪
125
00:05:55,988 --> 00:06:00,657
♪ to same old place
That you laughed about ♪
126
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,960
♪ well the names
Have all changed ♪
127
00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:05,228
♪ since you hung around ♪
128
00:06:05,263 --> 00:06:07,397
♪ but those dreams
Have remained ♪
129
00:06:07,432 --> 00:06:09,700
♪ and they've turned around ♪
130
00:06:09,735 --> 00:06:11,835
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
131
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,037
♪ ♪
132
00:06:14,072 --> 00:06:16,039
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
133
00:06:16,074 --> 00:06:18,141
♪ ♪
134
00:06:18,176 --> 00:06:19,943
♪ yeah we tease him a lot ♪
135
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:22,178
♪ 'cause we've got
Him on the spot ♪
136
00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:24,180
♪ welcome back ♪
137
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:28,585
♪ welcome back welcome
Back welcome back ♪
138
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:30,888
♪ welcome back welcome back ♪
139
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,856
♪ yeah we tease him a lot ♪
140
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,091
♪ 'cause we've got
Him on the spot ♪
141
00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:37,260
♪ welcome back ♪
142
00:06:37,295 --> 00:06:41,765
♪ welcome back welcome
Back welcome back ♪
143
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:46,036
♪ welcome back welcome
Back welcome back ♪
144
00:06:46,071 --> 00:06:52,375
♪ welcome back welcome
Back welcome back ♪
145
00:06:54,613 --> 00:06:55,924
- I'll tell you something, mary.
146
00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:57,893
That stuff you're
Printing is dull.
147
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,517
Dull, dull, dull.
148
00:07:07,159 --> 00:07:08,202
Mary: what do you mean?
149
00:07:08,226 --> 00:07:10,561
Last week we had a map
Of the school fire exits.
150
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:11,895
- what's your next biggie?
151
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,797
A tour through the air ducts?
152
00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,111
Mary, you ain't
Digging deep enough.
153
00:07:17,135 --> 00:07:18,735
Like, look at this here.
154
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,471
This story you're doing
On mrs. Kotter, right?
155
00:07:21,506 --> 00:07:24,340
Says here, "She says,
'mr. Woodman is warm
156
00:07:24,376 --> 00:07:25,576
And wonderful.'"
157
00:07:27,112 --> 00:07:30,714
How does she know he's
Warm and wonderful, huh?
158
00:07:30,749 --> 00:07:31,760
- you're reading
Too much into it.
159
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,717
- really?
160
00:07:33,752 --> 00:07:36,453
To me, "Warm" covers
A lot of territory.
161
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:40,201
Obviously, mrs. Kotter's
Got something goin'
162
00:07:40,225 --> 00:07:42,292
With the old gray fox.
163
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,830
- juan, mrs. Kotter isn't
That kind of a person.
164
00:07:46,865 --> 00:07:49,332
- I'm telling you that there's
An untold story there.
165
00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:52,569
- you think we should
Print those kind of stories?
166
00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:54,725
- hey, let me tell you
Something, sugarlips,
167
00:07:56,174 --> 00:07:57,975
With my ideas and your spelling,
168
00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:00,477
We're gonna set
This school on its ear.
169
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:13,790
All right.
170
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,525
Who died?
171
00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:21,064
All right. Who's about to die?
172
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:23,678
Did you hear the
One about the priest
173
00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:25,802
That opened a fish
And chips place?
174
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,138
Customer walks in and
He looks at him and he says,
175
00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:29,572
"Are you the fish fryer?
176
00:08:29,608 --> 00:08:32,542
"He says, "No, I'm
The chipmunk."
177
00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:40,017
You know, it may be hard
For you guys to believe this
178
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:43,754
But sometimes that
Joke does not get a laugh.
179
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:53,130
"Basketball star
Stops wearing diapers.
180
00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:55,866
Mother admits freddie
"Boom boom" washington
181
00:08:55,901 --> 00:08:58,669
Was big laundry problem."
182
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:07,544
"Southern sweathog,
Beau de labarre,
183
00:09:07,579 --> 00:09:10,080
Admits he has klan ties."
184
00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:13,884
- mrs. Kotter, I'm
Not in the klan.
185
00:09:13,919 --> 00:09:16,553
I'm gonna need a police escort
Just to get home tonight.
186
00:09:16,588 --> 00:09:20,023
- juan crucified
Me too, mrs. Kotter.
187
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:25,162
He said that my parents
Abandoned me in a supermarket.
188
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,933
They left me in a
Shopping cart somewhere
189
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:34,871
Between the gorgonzola
And the knackwurst.
190
00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:39,710
- well, I guess I better
Go have a talk with juan.
191
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,044
- nah, nah, mrs. Kotter,
192
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,490
You gotta do more
Than talk to juan.
193
00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:43,780
You know what you gotta do?
194
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,660
You gotta get
Him off that paper.
195
00:09:45,684 --> 00:09:47,729
- oh, freddie, I don't
Think it's that serious.
196
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,130
- well, wait 'til you
Read the untold story
197
00:09:49,154 --> 00:09:50,887
About you and mr. Woodman.
198
00:09:52,557 --> 00:09:54,124
- page 2.
199
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:57,994
- catch the last line.
200
00:10:00,665 --> 00:10:05,902
- "As he moved closer to julie,
Her breath came in short pants.
201
00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:16,213
'oh, michael, warm, wonderful
Michael, ' julie sighed.
202
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:18,815
Without hesitation,
Michael reached for heró
203
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:21,417
To be continued next week."
204
00:10:27,192 --> 00:10:28,491
- come in.
205
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,494
I'll be right with you.
206
00:10:46,478 --> 00:10:49,146
- I guess I know
Why we're all here.
207
00:10:56,788 --> 00:10:57,865
Then again, why
Don't you just tell us
208
00:10:57,889 --> 00:10:59,522
Why we're all here?
209
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,559
- freddie's in diapers.
210
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:03,827
Beau is in the klan.
211
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:07,030
Mrs. Kotter's in love with me.
212
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:11,835
Two of those stories
Are totally unbelievable.
213
00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:16,584
- it's pretty tame stuff.
214
00:11:16,608 --> 00:11:18,153
Wait 'til you see
Next week's paper.
215
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,155
- there's not gonna be
Another issue like this, epstein.
216
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,279
This is junk journalism.
217
00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:23,280
- junk?
218
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:25,215
You're calling the truth "Junk"?
219
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:27,028
Look, you can't tell me
Freddie didn't wear diapers.
220
00:11:27,052 --> 00:11:28,018
I know he did.
221
00:11:28,053 --> 00:11:29,697
- yeah, when he was
Only 6 months old.
222
00:11:29,721 --> 00:11:30,753
- well...
223
00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:33,223
- I wore diapers myself
When I was that age.
224
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:38,495
Put that notebook away.
225
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:40,897
- now, look, mr. Woodman.
226
00:11:40,932 --> 00:11:43,011
Sometimes you just gotta go
Back to get a story, right, mary?
227
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,968
- right. Gotta go back.
228
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:48,872
- this article, "De
Labarre has klan ties."
229
00:11:48,907 --> 00:11:51,208
I didn't read anything
About any klan ties.
230
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:52,787
- c'mon, give me a
Break here, huh?
231
00:11:52,811 --> 00:11:54,378
This is a misprint.
232
00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:57,481
Supposed to read "De
Labarre has clean ties."
233
00:11:59,818 --> 00:12:01,796
- mr. Woodman, the lab
Mice are loose again.
234
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:02,785
Let's go.
235
00:12:02,821 --> 00:12:04,132
- not now, julie, this
Is more important.
236
00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:06,223
I'm taking juan off
The school paper.
237
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:07,857
- what?
- don't let him, mrs. Kotter.
238
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,260
He's tampering with
Freedom of the press.
239
00:12:10,295 --> 00:12:13,096
- uh, well, mary, you have
To admit that that article
240
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:16,233
About mr. Woodman
And I was very tacky.
241
00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:18,768
- julie's not my
Type. She's too tall.
242
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,038
- look, mr. Woodman.
243
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:22,272
You yank me off that paper,
244
00:12:22,307 --> 00:12:25,642
You're gonna lose a great
Deal of advertising retinue.
245
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:28,923
- we're showing a
Profit, mr. Woodman.
246
00:12:28,947 --> 00:12:31,381
The paper cleared
Over $300 this week.
247
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:35,152
- that is no excuse for the
Gossip and all that trash.
248
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:36,731
- I got the figures
In my office.
249
00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:40,123
Next week, I'm
Projecting 500 bucks.
250
00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:43,393
- five hundred b... B... Bucks?
251
00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:47,730
- juan, I think that you're
Forgetting what's important.
252
00:12:47,766 --> 00:12:50,467
- so are you, julie.
Go catch the mice.
253
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,172
These kids have a
Paper to put out.
254
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:07,650
- uh, may I?
255
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:12,622
- may I?
256
00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:17,827
Thank you.
257
00:13:17,862 --> 00:13:18,828
- that's a good way for you guys
258
00:13:18,863 --> 00:13:21,465
To get your teeth
Extracted for nothing.
259
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,044
- yeah? Well, if I was you,
260
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:24,867
I'd start worrying about you.
261
00:13:24,903 --> 00:13:25,868
- c'mon, c'mon, freddie,
262
00:13:25,904 --> 00:13:27,748
What's got your nose
All out of joint here?
263
00:13:27,772 --> 00:13:28,849
- what's got my
Nose all out of joint?
264
00:13:28,873 --> 00:13:29,839
I'm a show you what it is.
265
00:13:29,874 --> 00:13:30,918
This right here,
This week's issue,
266
00:13:30,942 --> 00:13:32,576
Is what got me goin' crazy.
267
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:35,056
- there ain't nothing
Inflammable about you
268
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,546
In here, freddie.
269
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:38,359
- that's the whole
Problem, juan.
270
00:13:38,383 --> 00:13:39,627
You got the entire
School still thinking
271
00:13:39,651 --> 00:13:42,018
That I wear diapers.
272
00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:43,931
You got to print
A retraction, man.
273
00:13:43,955 --> 00:13:46,022
- looks like you guys
Got troubles, huh?
274
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:51,361
- I assume that
This is your story,
275
00:13:51,396 --> 00:13:53,997
"Backstage at buchanan"?
276
00:13:54,032 --> 00:13:55,343
- I think the people
Have the rights to know
277
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:57,533
What goes on behind
The footlights, arnold.
278
00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:04,707
- how could you
Accuse me of holding up
279
00:14:04,742 --> 00:14:06,209
The opening night curtain?
280
00:14:06,244 --> 00:14:08,445
- I was there, arnold.
You were 10 minutes late.
281
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,813
- well, I had to go
To the bathroom.
282
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:14,217
- I saw the play.
283
00:14:14,252 --> 00:14:15,885
You should have stayed there.
284
00:14:17,522 --> 00:14:21,724
- and then you
Say that I, I, that I,
285
00:14:21,759 --> 00:14:23,559
I, have a temper tantrum.
286
00:14:23,595 --> 00:14:28,231
I do not have temper tantrums!
287
00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:31,601
I don't! I never have
Temper tantrums.
288
00:14:31,636 --> 00:14:34,104
You said I was yelling
And I was fussing.
289
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:38,308
Never! Never, mister, I
Never yell and I never fuss.
290
00:14:39,777 --> 00:14:42,645
- you mostly scream.
291
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,215
- yeah? Well, you would
Too if the stage manager
292
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:48,251
Put a lit cigar in
Your suit of armor.
293
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,665
- c'mon, you guys,
Huh? Knock it off.
294
00:14:51,689 --> 00:14:53,649
You're taking this
Way too personal.
295
00:14:54,926 --> 00:14:58,161
There's a difference here
Between friendship and business.
296
00:14:58,196 --> 00:14:59,307
You guys are just gonna have to
297
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:02,098
Develop a detached altitude.
298
00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:03,611
- oh yeah? We'll, we're
Detaching ourselves
299
00:15:03,635 --> 00:15:05,435
From you right now.
300
00:15:06,571 --> 00:15:09,672
'cause I think your head is
Getting too big for your hair.
301
00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:16,479
- you're so twisted, you
Should model pretzels.
302
00:15:18,816 --> 00:15:21,251
- goodbye, little juan.
303
00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:27,857
You know, you have really
Turned into a 24-karat creep.
304
00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:33,996
And you can quote me.
305
00:15:37,035 --> 00:15:38,501
- it's all right.
306
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:40,636
The same thing
Happened to citizen kane.
307
00:15:43,975 --> 00:15:45,108
Hello, mary.
308
00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:47,422
Look, I want you to cover
That girls' basketball game.
309
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,889
I want more than just the score.
310
00:15:48,913 --> 00:15:50,780
I want locker room talk.
311
00:15:50,815 --> 00:15:53,083
I want to be able
To smell that sweat.
312
00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:57,320
- gotcha.
313
00:16:01,025 --> 00:16:02,158
- well, well, well.
314
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,594
Juan epstein.
315
00:16:04,629 --> 00:16:06,096
Cub reporter.
316
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,008
- c'mon, carvelli, come
Back later, I'm busy.
317
00:16:08,032 --> 00:16:10,900
- yeah? You're too busy for
What I call a scoop headline?
318
00:16:10,935 --> 00:16:12,102
- aye, spill it.
319
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,970
- all right. Dig this.
320
00:16:14,005 --> 00:16:16,706
School mascot kidnapped.
321
00:16:16,741 --> 00:16:17,873
- when?
322
00:16:17,909 --> 00:16:19,509
- tomorrow night.
323
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,114
- I told you guys don't
Make up your own story.
324
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,583
I told you to get the lowdown
On the school crossing guy.
325
00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:30,786
- why? She ain't been
Hit by a car in 2 weeks.
326
00:16:30,822 --> 00:16:32,733
- I tell you, there's
Still a story there.
327
00:16:32,757 --> 00:16:34,268
- yeah, yeah. All right.
328
00:16:34,292 --> 00:16:35,891
Epstein, I think I got it.
329
00:16:35,927 --> 00:16:36,892
Listen to this.
330
00:16:36,928 --> 00:16:38,461
We'll take her sign away
331
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:41,164
And see if she can
Stop cars then, huh?
332
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:44,545
Look, epstein, what
About my expense account?
333
00:16:44,569 --> 00:16:46,147
You know, I got
A lot of expenses.
334
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,171
- c'mon, carvelli, blow, blow.
335
00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:49,206
- yeah.
336
00:16:52,076 --> 00:16:53,654
- c'mon, murray.
Hey, murray, murray.
337
00:16:53,678 --> 00:16:54,989
Murray, c'mon,
Let's get outta here.
338
00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:57,980
You know, it's a good thing
He didn't tell you to split.
339
00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:08,124
- I thought I told
You guys to spl-
340
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,870
- what's happening,
Man? How you feeling?
341
00:17:09,894 --> 00:17:10,938
I got something
To tell you, man.
342
00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:11,927
It's pretty good.
343
00:17:11,963 --> 00:17:13,040
- look, if you came here
To heckle me, freddie,
344
00:17:13,064 --> 00:17:14,264
You can just forget it.
345
00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:15,876
- oh, no, it ain't that, man. I
Got some information, man.
346
00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:17,867
It might turn into a hot story.
347
00:17:17,902 --> 00:17:19,569
- yeah? What is it?
348
00:17:19,604 --> 00:17:21,715
- you know them cats,
The bendoffo brothers?
349
00:17:21,739 --> 00:17:23,339
- yeah, yeah, bonzo and bruno.
350
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,507
Who'd they bust up now?
351
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,543
- nobody yet but
Get ready for this.
352
00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:27,788
You ready?
- yeah.
353
00:17:27,812 --> 00:17:29,945
- somebody made a
Pass at their sister.
354
00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:31,047
Oh-ho-ho-hohh.
355
00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:32,660
- somebody made
A pass at bonita?
356
00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:34,150
- right.
357
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:36,063
- this is great. This
Gonna be a great story.
358
00:17:36,087 --> 00:17:37,465
Let's see, the last
Guy to do that
359
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:39,922
Was the captain of the
Football team, crash kawalski.
360
00:17:39,957 --> 00:17:41,757
- yeah.
- hey, whatever happened to him?
361
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:45,562
- uh, the last I heard he
Was back on solid foods.
362
00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:46,974
- this is great,
Freddie, this is gold.
363
00:17:46,998 --> 00:17:48,198
This is front-page stuff.
364
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,199
Freddie: tell me about it.
365
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,200
- all right, sling the mud.
366
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,301
Who was he?
367
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:53,736
- uh, arnold told me it was you.
368
00:17:54,939 --> 00:17:55,905
- me?
369
00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:57,273
Freddie: yeah.
370
00:17:57,309 --> 00:17:58,686
- must be some
Mistake. That's not true.
371
00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:00,176
I can't print that.
372
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:01,811
- juan, that is too true.
373
00:18:01,846 --> 00:18:03,546
Remember when you was out
374
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:04,592
And you was playing
In the schoolyard,
375
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:06,026
You was playing basketball
In the schoolyard?
376
00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:07,016
- yeah.
- and you took the ball
377
00:18:07,051 --> 00:18:08,162
And you threw it to
Her and she caught it?
378
00:18:08,186 --> 00:18:09,151
- yeah, yeah.
379
00:18:09,187 --> 00:18:10,464
- well, that's what
Arnold told 'em.
380
00:18:10,488 --> 00:18:12,255
You made a pass at her.
381
00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:16,426
- freddie, I can get killed.
382
00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:17,427
I mean, didn't anybody say
383
00:18:17,462 --> 00:18:19,039
I was just fooling
Around with a basketball?
384
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:20,029
- oh, yeah, I told 'em that.
385
00:18:20,064 --> 00:18:22,184
I told 'em you was
Fooling around with her.
386
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:24,767
- basketball.
387
00:18:24,802 --> 00:18:26,547
Didn't anybody say anything
About the basketball?
388
00:18:26,571 --> 00:18:27,582
- well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
389
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,772
Beau took care of that.
390
00:18:29,807 --> 00:18:32,108
He says you and
Bonita had a ball.
391
00:18:35,213 --> 00:18:36,246
- freddie!
392
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,125
Freddie, I can get killed
For something like this.
393
00:18:38,149 --> 00:18:39,649
I mean, the bendoffos,
394
00:18:39,684 --> 00:18:41,662
They're liable just
To rip off my head.
395
00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:43,163
You got to do
Something, freddie.
396
00:18:43,187 --> 00:18:44,398
I mean, you got to tell
'em that that wasn't true.
397
00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:46,142
There's got to be some
Kind of mistake here.
398
00:18:51,062 --> 00:18:53,040
It's them. It's them,
It's the bendoffos.
399
00:18:53,064 --> 00:18:54,475
Freddie, look, I
Never asked for this.
400
00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:56,176
You've just got to help
Me, just this one time.
401
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,500
- well, what can I do, juan?
402
00:18:57,535 --> 00:18:58,812
What can I do?
- tell 'em anything.
403
00:18:58,836 --> 00:19:01,971
Tell 'em I'd rather die than
Go out with their sister.
404
00:19:02,006 --> 00:19:03,205
- all right, juan.
405
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:06,220
I'm gonna tell the
Bendoffo brothers
406
00:19:06,244 --> 00:19:09,545
That juan epstein
Says, "He's ready to die."
407
00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:17,219
- soóain't you gonna ask us in?
408
00:19:21,826 --> 00:19:22,970
- what are you guys doing here?
409
00:19:22,994 --> 00:19:24,661
You ain't the bendoffos.
410
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,274
- no, we're here
For the same reason.
411
00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:28,108
Pound some sense into your head.
412
00:19:28,132 --> 00:19:29,165
- that's right.
413
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,303
You gotta stop writing
All of these half truths,
414
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,906
These innuendoes, all
This sensationalism, juan.
415
00:19:36,941 --> 00:19:37,907
- that's true, juan.
416
00:19:37,942 --> 00:19:39,186
All that stuff
You're printing, man,
417
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:42,178
It can do a lot of people harm,
Cause a lot of people trouble.
418
00:19:42,213 --> 00:19:45,181
- so you guys didn't say
Anything to the bendoffos?
419
00:19:45,216 --> 00:19:46,248
- no.
420
00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:49,285
Hey, real friends wouldn't
Do anything like that.
421
00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:51,688
- yeah, not real friends.
422
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,924
- but I guess an
Ex-friend would.
423
00:19:56,994 --> 00:19:58,194
- see you around.
424
00:20:16,314 --> 00:20:18,326
- the point I am trying
To make is that history
425
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:20,683
Is filled with
Inaccurate reporting.
426
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,252
- then how come
We have to learn it?
427
00:20:25,323 --> 00:20:27,757
- papers, papers,
Read all about it.
428
00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:31,026
There's more to life than
News, weather and sports.
429
00:20:31,062 --> 00:20:32,440
- yeah, there's
Class work, epstein.
430
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:33,429
Sit down.
431
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:34,675
- I'm sorry, mr. Woodman,
I had to get out
432
00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:36,198
The bulldog edition here.
433
00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:38,067
- unbelievable.
434
00:20:38,102 --> 00:20:39,569
- sensational.
435
00:20:39,604 --> 00:20:42,805
- epstein exposes himself.
436
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:48,911
- "At the tender age of
4, a ragtag juan epstein
437
00:20:48,946 --> 00:20:52,582
Began his life of crime
By stealing the hubcabs
438
00:20:52,617 --> 00:20:55,385
Off his own baby carriage."
439
00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:01,190
- "At the age of 12, he
Hotwired a subway car
440
00:21:01,225 --> 00:21:04,026
And collected fares for 3 days."
441
00:21:05,029 --> 00:21:08,398
- it says, "Later, juan
Failed at many jobs.
442
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,132
As a parking lot attendant,
443
00:21:10,167 --> 00:21:12,935
He lost more cars
Than he parked."
444
00:21:13,971 --> 00:21:17,239
It also said, "Juan was
Dismissed as a lifeguard
445
00:21:17,275 --> 00:21:20,042
For trying to
Start a nude beach."
446
00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:25,047
Hey, oh, juan, I
Guess our little talk
447
00:21:25,082 --> 00:21:26,282
Did you some good, huh?
448
00:21:26,317 --> 00:21:29,519
- c'mon, c'mon, you guys,
Don't flatter yourselves, huh?
449
00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:31,532
I wanted to go out of
This newspaper business
450
00:21:31,556 --> 00:21:32,955
In a blaze of glory.
451
00:21:32,990 --> 00:21:37,126
- this centerfold is disgusting.
452
00:21:37,161 --> 00:21:39,273
- it's the only picture I
Could find of mr. Woodman.
453
00:21:39,297 --> 00:21:40,897
- what?
454
00:21:43,968 --> 00:21:45,668
Ahh.
455
00:21:52,176 --> 00:21:53,976
Look at those dimples.
456
00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:01,495
- eh, what's happening,
Mr. Woodman?
457
00:22:01,519 --> 00:22:02,652
- hi, mr. Woodman.
458
00:22:02,687 --> 00:22:03,997
- take your seats,
Will you please?
459
00:22:04,021 --> 00:22:05,287
- right on.
460
00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:06,422
Hey, juan.
461
00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:08,658
Heard you got your
Old job back, baby.
462
00:22:08,693 --> 00:22:10,771
- yeah, yeah, you can't keep
Me away from film, you know?
463
00:22:10,795 --> 00:22:14,029
I'm just a
16-millimeter kinda guy.
464
00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:18,000
- you mean woodman gave
You your old job back?
465
00:22:18,035 --> 00:22:20,603
- oh, yeah, yeah,
Sure, he saw the light.
466
00:22:21,773 --> 00:22:25,942
- I think the question is,
Is he gonna see the film?
467
00:22:25,977 --> 00:22:28,088
- is it gonna work
Right this time, epstein?
468
00:22:28,112 --> 00:22:30,480
- oh, sure, sure, I
Checked the sprockets,
469
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,782
I checked the reel,
I checked the plug.
470
00:22:32,817 --> 00:22:34,383
What can go wrong?
471
00:22:34,418 --> 00:22:36,919
- the sprockets, the
Reel and the plug.
472
00:22:39,090 --> 00:22:40,723
- watch this here.
473
00:22:40,758 --> 00:22:45,628
Lights, camera, action.
474
00:22:48,232 --> 00:22:49,832
There it is, it's perfect.
475
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:50,833
Freddie: hey, juan?
Juan: yeah. What?
476
00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:52,613
- juan, I don't want
To say anything
477
00:22:52,637 --> 00:22:53,769
About the movie business
478
00:22:53,805 --> 00:22:54,982
Because, you know, you
Know all about film and stuff.
479
00:22:55,006 --> 00:22:55,972
- sure, sure.
480
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:56,973
- but don't you think
It'd be a lot easier
481
00:22:57,008 --> 00:22:58,741
If there was a screen up there?
482
00:23:02,514 --> 00:23:04,013
- all right, go easy, huh?
483
00:23:04,048 --> 00:23:06,516
The kid's gonna
Fix that right now.
484
00:23:32,276 --> 00:23:34,810
♪ welcome back ♪
485
00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:38,648
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
486
00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:40,950
♪ welcome back ♪
487
00:23:40,985 --> 00:23:45,320
♪ to same old place
That you laughed about ♪
488
00:23:45,356 --> 00:23:47,890
♪ well the names
Have all changed ♪
489
00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:49,959
♪ since you hung around ♪
490
00:23:49,994 --> 00:23:52,127
♪ but those dreams
Have remained ♪
491
00:23:52,163 --> 00:23:54,597
♪ and they've turned around ♪
492
00:23:54,632 --> 00:23:56,732
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
493
00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:58,712
♪ ♪
494
00:23:58,736 --> 00:24:00,870
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
495
00:24:00,905 --> 00:24:02,939
♪ ♪
496
00:24:02,974 --> 00:24:04,840
♪ yeah we tease him a lot ♪
497
00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:07,142
♪ 'cause we've got
Him on the spot ♪
498
00:24:07,178 --> 00:24:09,178
♪ welcome back ♪
499
00:24:09,213 --> 00:24:13,515
♪ welcome back welcome
Back welcome back ♪
500
00:24:13,551 --> 00:24:15,751
♪ welcome back welcome back ♪
501
00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:18,754
♪ welcome back ♪
502
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:22,424
♪ you always could... ♪
503
00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:24,694
♪ welcome back ♪
504
00:24:24,729 --> 00:24:29,398
♪ and I smile when I think
How it must have been ♪
505
00:24:29,433 --> 00:24:33,636
♪ and I know what a
Scene you were turning in ♪
506
00:24:33,671 --> 00:24:37,940
♪ was there something that
Made you come back again ♪
507
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,275
♪ what could ever lead ya ♪
508
00:24:40,311 --> 00:24:42,244
♪ ♪
509
00:24:42,279 --> 00:24:44,346
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
510
00:24:44,381 --> 00:24:46,582
♪ ♪
511
00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:48,283
♪ yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
512
00:24:48,319 --> 00:24:50,786
♪ 'cause we've got
Him on the spot ♪
513
00:24:52,624 --> 00:24:56,892
♪ welcome back welcome
Back welcome back ♪
514
00:24:56,928 --> 00:24:59,795
♪ welcome back welcome back ♪
515
00:24:59,831 --> 00:25:01,363
♪ yeah we tease him a lot ♪
516
00:25:01,398 --> 00:25:03,499
♪ welcome back welcome back ♪
517
00:25:03,534 --> 00:25:05,200
♪ 'cause we've got... ♪
38484
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