Original subtitles

OK, from center...

and breathe.

Alright, good. Same thing

Release shoulders...

Ah... that's it.

Once again.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Widen both legs.

Fourth position.

Roll down.

"Violently Happy"

OK, yeah. Let's start what we just did.

We'll do the same thing.

Choose someone to start with.

Ya, can we start?

It's the time?

When you play SM,

you can make it to total new reality.

You can construct, yeah.

When you have this M-thing in a way,

you're allowed to totally follow these impulses.

And that's great, but...

On the other hand, it will never work

if you totally go against these impulses of the others.

So, you need a sort of sincerity to play.

Both sides, ja.

Because this is really important that you really follow your impulses And your topping positions

and be true to that.

Not try to please

because it blurs the situation.

Enough playing!

It's such fun.

expand around, OK?

Feel this.

Here we go. Start dancing.

For me the concept is this like

every dancer

is also choreographer. Is also creator.

Felix?

What?

Felix? -Yes, a moment.

Wait, I am coming.

Whenever you come in to a new environment,

you're very quickly reading

whatever is to be read at this moment.

You know that... just scanning the space

and sensing what is like,

is happening in this environment.

And I remember your hands,

like the skin

as the thing when you were... You know whenever you encounter a new body.

There's a thing that you recognize.

About the first meeting.

Like this either the smells...

Sometimes it's the smell, sometimes it's the skin.

And I remember you. It was very much the kind of the...

the skin on the hands, so...

That I remember of our gaiety...

Which is also this kind of... It recognizes me like in a sense of

It felt so very different from my own skin.

In the sense of age, in the sense of quality.

I think... we're not very good at open relationship.

But... this are failed to support the other one in that.

Because in so you think it's a good thing.

It's really difficult to accept sometimes.

It just hurts. Hurts a lot.

It's not easy...

not to blame the other person.

I think with this kind of questions.

It's really hard to know what you want.

If you mean... that has been very hard to answer

Especially it was almost said if I have no...

There is no kind of pre-...

kind of

research that has been done before you.

This... Is thy song... -Thy song...

Fall and feel...

Stay... Away... stay away...

If you don't trust in me. -Don't come in.

Don't come in.

Fuck you.

Stay.

Are you ok?

Do they kill you?

It's already a bit...

I was surprised.

I was really surprised.

All this is going to be reconstructed.

So...

another "ruin"

Kater Holzig until recently.

Do you know what it was before?

Before? No.

It's all been bought and will be made into...

Mega-luxury apartments.

We have a network of lots of different projects

and protagonists in the city

with the same aim to design the city themselves.

And actually there are hardly any sites left along the River Spree

where there is still any kind of free space.

It's really crass how much the view has changed

with all those new buildings there.

That's really is crass.

I've been in Berlin for 14 years

and the face of the city has changed so much in those 14 years

it's no longer recognizable

Well, there was my office.

And then I always put my little table here in summer

because we always had internet here.

I always took my little desk and put it here with my computer

and I worked here that was really lovely.

In contrast to my current work

here it was all about how to design a public space

where many different people can come together

to design and communicate.

And then on the other hand now the bodywork and sex work

seems to represent the opposite.

Creating a space that is initially safe and relatively closed.

Where one is safe to show oneself completely

and can show oneself intimately. -Okay.

I'm pretty interested in this field.

Hello

It's baking day...

Good, eh? The pastry already tastes good.

That's the most important thing if the pastry tastes good then...

the rest will be a success.

But somehow I could also imagine it with...

grated orange or something like that.

A touch of freshness

That's true, yes.

But I don't have any grated orange.

Haven't you? But you have orange.

Is that an organic orange? Ah, no, it's a mandarine.

I don't know where they came from.

Do you perceive BDSM as wellness?

Well... those were your words.

Sure, you could see it like that

I mean that always depends on the approach.

If you only do it for fun then it's a kind of wellness.

But that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I'm not...

Everything doesn't always have to...

have a medicinal purpose.

I just think things that are fun are inherently healthy.

For me BDSM was also...

a way for me look more closely at violence.

What is it really?

How does it feel? What actually happens?

Radically speaking, SM is violence.

Actually one can say it is violence in the sense

that something really is destroyed to some extent.

If I whip someone and then their skin is red with a few red welts

even if it is just a couple of bruises or a couple...

the circulation is stimulated

at any rate there is a physical modification.

And you can of course

see that as violence objectively speaking.

But you can do that with a tattoo as well.

And you can do that with a breast enlargement.

After all someone cuts open your chest

and stuffs two plastic sacks full of silicon in there.

That sounds quite violent.

Er...

That I can do something meaningful with pent-up anger or aggression...

is of course a really astonishing and transformative experience.

It is more, I would say an achievement of civilization

doing that in a controlled setting.

SM is an extremely positive process in principle

really a playground for adults

where they have the chance

to look more closely at their own violent impulses.

So we keep that as the title for the piece?

Yes.

Unknown theme?

music, then stop -No.

Beginning.

The beginning...

The paper come in then chat, and laugh -Yeah, yeah.

Maybe it's better if we do have music from the beginning then

because it creates space.

I cannot just start moving.

You start moving and they'll shut up.

Cause when I come, you'll be somewhere dressed

And I come and it's there -Yeah. Yeah.

Wait there.

Until you cannot breathe anymore.

Ok.

Do you see any problem?

Everything is flatting out.

But it's not a problem when you are making the rope.

If needed, you untwist a bit

and you actually even cut by hand.

I am really happy.

This roll is actually wonderful.

We just have less possibilities.

And then everything flows into this grotesque dance...

And now down on all fours...

On all fours? -Yes.

There!

Very nice.

Some time ago I vaguely had in mind

that I would like to have a whipping session

And... er...

I'm supposed to thrash you.

Basically, yes.

With whips. -Yes.

With expensive whips! -With expensive whips?

Yeah.

Okay, yes.

A short while ago, a few weeks ago

this image in my mind became even more clearly.

We had said, we don't want to plan it...

but now I think we should, because...

I can imagine it really well as a ritual...

I have the feeling...

that was in a moment, when...

I suddenly had a clear thought, feeling, that...

I will be a grown woman by the middle of the year.

Okay. And it is supposed to be a kind of...

Seal.

Test.

Not a test but part of this transition.

Ok.

And...

I must admit that on one hand I find it a bit daunting

because I know that you are experienced

and that you know how to handle it.

On the other hand I know you have a lot of strength

and then I think oh dear...

What do I get for it?

Er, fun!

Me? -Yes, you said you enjoy that kind of thing.

I enjoy it when I don't have to work so hard

when I show the whip and the other person...

that's when I enjoy it most.

I have the most fun with the...

innocent victim, who is so scared

that you don't have to do much, but something already happened.

Yes, but I'm not scared. -Exactly.

Someone as hard-boiled and tough as you who knows very well

that the more you take, the stronger you become...

I have to watch out more for myself.

Yes, but... -...that I am not completely sucked dry.

Let's not get overdramatic!

Okay...

There was once a lamb

The lamb was mostly moist

and asked itself then when

what on earth should I do now.

There was once a sheep

the sheep was mostly good

but it still asked itself why

am I really so happy.

Actually not happy.

There was once... why always so negative?

It is good and asks itself why it isn't happy.

Then we have a starting point for a story.

If it's happy, it's boring.

You are of course right. As always. -You need a conflict.

There was once a horse -Not negative.

that had... that worked as a computer nerd

There was nothing wrong with the horse. -I see.

There was once a horse, there was nothing wrong with it.

There was once a horse...

When people ask me what the 'Schwelle' is

I often say, it is a school of wizardry.

That comes from this principle of magic

that I feel such an affinity to from theatre.

Magic happens when people are free to express themselves creatively.

And as I stage this all here as a choreography

I try to create this magic.

I live here and I perform here.

In the 'Schwelle' the family has been successful

as a structural model.

That means I sometimes play the daddy or mummy

which allows people to be children.

And in the same way it allows me to be emotional

by sometimes being a dictatorial daddy perhaps

or a wretched, miserable mother

and I trust that people will adjust flexibly.

And everyone gets something from it.

I can tell the children what to do, but they get something for it.

And in the end what they get for it, is simply...

a kind of guidance, a kind of leadership

and leadership in fact means nothing more than

a motivation to take matters into their own hands

because someone simply does that.

And that is motivating and that is enough.

It doesn't even really have to be meaningful

but this assertion, that there is a choice.

Someone must be there who claims there is a choice.

Someone must be there who claims there are possibilities

that there are changes, improvements, that there is beauty.

And I make that assertion.

And of course that is a game, it is a performance.

And so that is this interactive performance 'Schwelle'.

And the deeper you come in

the deeper you will experience me in situations

where I am not in the role of daddy or mummy

but in other roles.

In the role of the child, the role of the girl...

girl Friday-in my role...

in the role of the victim.

I have built up a little paradise here

and I feel like the king.

You got lips here.

Yeah.

Here.

Now as you can see, my clit is actually quite big.

Yeah.

So, the way I would have it treated is different

to how... say someone who has the clit this more buried would have it treated.

And all we see here is the hole here and labium.

And all we see I have got quite big... like forth skin here.

Other option is to do... from behind if you like any pleasure.

Very nice.

If I sit like this, do you need released and breathe if you need?

Alright.

Stop it. Stay where you are.

Just feel it when you do it.

Don't move.

Don't move.

Don't move.

Don't move. -Lick between the inner lip and the outer lip.

Left side. Left side.

Yeah on the sides

and the... -Yes, slowly.

Tip it. Tip it. -Yeah.

Are you ready to leave that and see it again?

Wait.

Are you ready? One minute to bring it to the clients.

And rinse again please, you can give me the glasses.

It's like this: You have receding gums on several teeth.

I recommend you come for cleaning regularly.

every six months, and a toothpaste for sensitive teeth.

There are various ones, Elmex, Sensodyne...

Do you use a special toothpaste or...? -Yes, I have one that is...

a mix out of coconut oil and salt. Homemade.

Okay. -My girlfriend makes it. It's good.

I'm late, sorry. -Hello.

I thought, if it is about hair

then it is sure to take much longer.

Did you tidy your room up especially?

Set one of these things up before? -Yes.

But I can do it as well.

The original idea was

a book about my...

experience with...

my experience as a sex worker. -Okay.

"He presses my torso down so" "that my ass lifts upwards."

"I love showing my ass."

"My anus opens, then" "instantly withdraws inwards"

"and the lining of my cunt" "gets ready to open."

"I can feel even the" "warmest drafts of air "

"cooling between my legs."

"I let myself be fucked " "until I hear my friend say:"

"That can no longer be morally justified."

"And I enjoy the pressure and the" "strength that spreads through my body."

"You're a dirty bitch, am I right?"

"Something in me struggles to affirm this."

"Yet this cliché-ridden sentence"

"perfectly personified in this moment "

"titivates my pride and also my shame."

"It is not the money" "that makes me do this job."

"Or better said: not exclusively."

"As a submissive escort my task is"

"to serve numerous men for good money."

"Yet the recognition of" "the other is priceless"

"and the understanding of my desire "

"while still staying in touch with oneself."

"As the subordinate it is not" "my job to control the game."

"And yet it is up to me "

"whether or not the paid hours" "are satisfying or even enriching."

"And so the client himself" "remains a surface for my projections."

"At best the client fulfills the" "desire for natural dominance."

"My boundaries run deep "

"but I am not dreaming."

"And the day leaves incarnate traces" "that the mind is not able to interpret."

"Beauty is not always in" "the eye of the beholder"

"but much more in the" "allegory generated by the mind."

"Is the body overrated or underrated?"

"I this way I enter into the moment " "allowing things to happen."

This could interest a lot of people...

Maybe...

And even back then in my cultural work

sometimes with topics like creative sustainability

it was sometimes hard to communicate what I actually do

and it is getting more and more difficult.

For most people it isn't comprehensible purely as an experience.

Your family don't know? -No...

No, I often think about telling them. -Yeah.

But it's a quite delicate.

It's a one-way street.

Okay...

Excuse me...

Yes!

Do you speak English?

Are you friend of Mare?

Yes.

And you? -I am Felix.

Sit down.

Alright, you just feel.

if that is uncomfortable,

And you can observe yourself in your discomfort.

And understand where it comes from.

Because what you see somehow is disturbing you...

Some things are welcoming you

Which is negative.

While the scene is positive because we want it, you know.

We decide it just to experiment.

But the image is strong because we go something strong.

And then you might forget.... that it's a game somehow.

You know, and your body just put the images as you see

And you might just react and project on it.

Just try to be not judgmental.

Just whatever comes up for you, it's yours.

That's it.

Okay, understand.

Okay.

Can you move the ladder to the cloakroom?

They are dancing feelings.

They are dancing.

What's interesting is also you never know in which end they going to bite from.

Because they can bite from both ends? -No

But you just can't see it you know.

We are going to start with one.

And I am going to put just a... -That's good.

Do you have some place where you feel?

Now we are just gonna...

to physically wait it decides to bite.

Maybe you will feel it also.

A bit.

It's just coming down to your skin and it's a bit cold.

I was surprised not to hear from you.

After we met last time.

When did we meet last time? I assume with Mika?

The night of her birthday?

Last time I think so.

Is that a question? Are you asking seriously? -Yeah, it's a question.

Or you're just playing.

No, I am not playing.

I am just trying to remember and then the last thing popped up was that night.

I suppose to ask. -No, you got good memory.

I'm just...

getting old.

How old are you?

55

Yes, that was what I was referring to

And by the way it surprised? Or... it surprised a little?

It surprised me that I didn't hear from you.

You're wrong you're wrong now

That the mind comes to rest

They never told you

Quiet words to expect

It's all a game now

And hear me

We just met

My thesis.

It was a small... my first overview

of my work areas and the themes

and how it fitted together and how...

the work could be implemented.

（IMPULSE）

（FREEDOM）

（INTUITION）

（PAIN）

A masterpiece of Asiatic wood carving.

A bit dusty...

Mara, stop talking, come on!

You must always have time for the beautiful things in life.

He's missing a leg.

He's missing...

Hold on. Stay.

You got to stay still.

Hold on. Up there though.

I want...

Understand your fear.

Hello! -Hello...

I'm Mara. -Nice to meet you.

...it worked! Want to come in?

We have the room to ourselves.

We're 5 South Tyroleans living in Berlin, and...

one day we had the idea for

a culture and society magazine.

...our third issue main feature is

"Power and Powerlessness"

interesting because in feminism there are different stances towards BDSM.

Female masochism is the collaboration with patriarchal structures...

How would you oppose it

because it's a pretty hefty accusation?

As long as I am scared of this power, I am at its mercy.

I want to explore my sexuality

live my sexuality

not just with one partner

but whenever, wherever and however I want.

In general, those who haven't engaged with the subject can presume

that someone who is submissive in a BDSM session

is also submissive in their daily life.

I am nowhere near

forming any opinions about whether it is right or wrong.

Even if someone is submissive in their daily life

what's so wrong with that?

Well, first of all.

Because I think-

that is the crux of the matter for me

the people who are always on the outside looking in and criticizing it.

where I always say:

look at your own behavior.

And I think a so-called normal relationship

is shaped much more by underlying power dynamics

than a BDSM relationship, where it's clear what happens.

It's not about understanding everything.

And I would never say that BSDM is without risk.

Just...

I'd say that life is not without its risks.

Maybe instead of totally latex

or combining latex with something

Should I look at camera?

Chris.

And you feel your breath

Drop in through your body into your pelvis

You just breathe in.

Maybe close your eyes for a moment

Just breathe.

Yes, it is a cocks' stimulation, it's poof!

You are going to wave so... kind of orgasm you know.

It's really blowing.

And even if you don't move.

Just by holding...

and so I feel almost nothing

Ok. Yeah, it's a little bit finger in my ass

but... that's it.

And then suddenly it came like a wave

And it's all the body.

It put me in kind of arch. Like that.

Ok, good.

Good work.

Thank you.

Cross...

Fire...

Flames...

Imagine your hands are flames...

Probably on the 22 December

we'll have to have an audition because we need two more dancers

it's actually really bloody late, because we need good people

who should have time for six months.

I don't want you to travel so much.

Well that's what I'd kind of been wishing for.

You know, someone comes and says: here's the money, get on with it.

It's about introducing BSDM in a mainstream way to a wide audience.

And that's exactly the theme you had... -Yes!

...when I was thrown out of the art scene, exactly.

and now I'm coming from an angle, that...

doesn't take place in the art scene but in entertainment.

But with the same theme? -But with the same theme.

And you find that satisfying? How come?

Have things progressed so much in 10 years, or what?

Of course things have developed. It has a very different...

Well, I'd perform old pieces of mine again now.

That would be interesting too. I think most of them were too early.

Actually you started 'Schwelle', because you didn't want to travel any more.

Well... a number of things came together...

Firstly, my subsidies were gone.

And then I noticed that the work I wanted to present

encountered difficulties in the theatre scene.

You know, nobody says: here's my theatre

you can live in it, and the audience can live there

and you can prepare food, you can cook and sleep

and create your own society.

The theatre of intimacy.

And how far should certain...

how much should the intimate space

and also the body, be a part of the stage

a part of...

available for public interaction.

This is an important theme, because it is very political

because it has social consequences. Intimacy is something

that exists between couples and predominantly in society.

And the principle of the public domain

is always linked to certain restrictions of behavior and expression.

Of course we are in Berlin where individual expression is relatively...

relatively broad.

Here you can walk the streets how you want.

It's relatively tolerant, depending on the district...

Yes, there are a few rules that I think are good and I enjoy.

I would like it if not everyone, can express themselves as they want.

Of course it is important too.

But there has to be places, where one can express oneself.

Free and...

It is not just about being free but also more honest.

I want us to continue living out our relationship normally.

The world's most normal relationship. -Totally normal!

And we live it as totally normal. -Keep it up.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you.

So we don't need to worry about 'Schwelle'?

No, but 'Schwelle' will continue to develop...

You know, last week... did I tell you about the wheelchair? -No.

At the last... at the last workshop we...

There was a random game

Imagine you are 85 and still at 'Schwelle'...

And they wheeled me around...

and then I was in the scene and I was a nasty old man.

And then so: yeah...

don't be so feeble, hit a bit harder!

I was totally on this trip and it was kind of funny

it was fun in a way, but also a bit of a horror tip.

Oh God, maybe it'll really look like that in 30 years.

You know, that I'll still be hanging out here...

an old fart being wheeled around and...

Is there a nicer perspective for old age?

I mean other than eternal youth, but if you have to get old...

Yeah, sure, somehow. -Then here at 'Schwelle'.

I then tried to spank someone, but my hand was shaking...

Get out of this holy hall!

Somebody has to be untalented here.

Somebody has to have that role. -I'll take it.

No you won't.

It's my job.

You're the normality representative.

The untalented normality representative.

Dirty old man...

Dirty old man...

Tryin' to get laid ... While you still can...

While you still can...

For me it was always... a fundamental question is

am I... even allowed to be here?

Am I even... have I the right?

Do I have permission to exist?

I have to make myself useful just so I can be here.

And so I've always been extremely active

I've always made and produced a lot.I've always made and produced a lot.

But now I notice... now... now...

I'm getting older and then one thinks more about death sometimes

and no longer existing...

And I notice that I find that difficult.

Pretty girl inside, she loves you...

But her mother thinks it's bad...

I always feel I haven't done enough.

I have to do a lot more.

Well, it must be painful...

also to know that it doesn't go on forever.

That all this will be over sometime.

Because there is so much more to discover and experiment with.

Wait, I've lost my...

Where do they come from...

these thoughts, that you have to...

that you need permission to be here?

Not on my bladder!

Not on your bladder? -No...

With your breath

and your consciousness

you focus just on this little spot of the touch

fully focus on this little spot

and at the same time, you expand your consciousness

and your awareness into your full body and

follow the sensations into your body

Thank you

‘Schwelle 7 art products'.

Well, for example there's the partner toilet.

Partner toilet? -I wanted to build a toilet with 2 seats.

So you can crap together.

You know, with a double seat, it looks like this...

You know, with a bowl and you lift it up...

...normal needs, like husband, child, house in the country

that thought never crosses your mind?

No, I don't think that's very compatible with my life.

That doesn't mean you can't have that wish.

No, I don't have that wish.

And especially what is related to these wishes.

Love...

a future together... security...

none of these wishes appeal to me.

Well the way you present yourself as a sexual woman

everything under control, knowing you get what you want...

Everything under control? That's not true.

What's more fascinating is

that it's sometimes not easy

becoming aware of one's own dynamic, patterns

and one's own sexuality

that doesn't initially make it easier.

And that doesn't mean

that in my relationships or my sexuality

everything is as I wish.

Actually it should be something open.

Well right now I am preoccupied with...

shall we say 'opening oneself' to...

experimenting, in every sense.

Mental as well as...

mental, emotional, anal...

oral...

everything with an 'al' at the end...

opening up and letting things in.

Surrounding myself.

And that is the biggest challenge

also to allow myself to change.

Do you have a certain image of the 'Schwelle' in the future?

Short term? Long term?

I don't know, that's hard, my lease has just been terminated.

So I have to think about it. Actually it's very concrete now.

What will change...

If something changes if I don't fight here...

For when?

I have a one-year period of notice.

We'll see.

Was there a reason?

Well, the reasons are a little unclear.

I'll have to see first.

The lack of submission, I guess.

So... careful!

I had 10 of those boxes...

an old stage set.

"Violently Happy"