All language subtitles for S01E03 - Yumtime

Previously on
Billions...

We have him dead to rights.

So he'll fold quick,

and then we get back to what
we were really doing... Axelrod.

Well, if you move on him
and take that risk,

you have to get the reward.

I said I know, Dad.

Suspect trading pattern
on Pepsum Pharmaceuticals.

Peter Decker,
Quaker Ridge Financial.

We start with Decker
since he had the longest tenure

at Axe Capital of anyone
who left with Axe's backing.

It also makes him very loyal to Axe,
much harder to crack.

Get Terri McCue over at FBI
up on this, too.

Do you know Cross-Co.?

Mid-size firm,
has a big distribution contract

with that bakery company YumTime.

You're the best PM on the floor.
You know it.

- They're fucking sure of it.
- Fucking A.

You think you're gonna
fucking blackmail me?

Your hair, which will test
positive for cocaine,

can be in Chuck Rhoades' hands
within an hour.

You're gonna watch, listen, and report.

That's what this
is all about, guys.

Not only how our firm survived 9/11,
but how we didn't give up.

It's just wrong
that you're the one standing there.

You know, like the idea
that if someone has a problem

with you and they come
to you in person,

you do what you can to take care of it.

But they take that beef public,

the ground just falls out
from beneath them where I'm from.

- Are you threatening me?
- Fucking right I am.

Oh!

- Oh!
- Oh!

♪ Come on ♪

Oh, I'm in the clubhouse turn.

Ahh!

Oh, God damn it.

You want... you want
a beer or something?

♪ Get up out of your seat ♪

Let's just fuck.

♪ Get down, get up
and move your feet ♪

♪ Come on and... ♪

Say that again.

Let's just fuck.

I don't make it a habit
to sleep with my authors.

Too bad for them.

So this is the week, huh?

Your people break out
the marketing plan for my book.

We're gonna make you
into a best seller.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

I could do all the morning shows.

And you will.

- Morning.
- Hey, Axe.

Scrumpet?

You ever eat these?

My parents own a deli in Kew Gardens.

- We used to sell 'em.
- You grew up in Queens?

We moved there when I was nine,
from Korea.

Oh, you speak the language?

Good to know.

You worked in that deli?

Every morning, every afternoon,
and I did the books on the weekends.

And then Stanford.

American dream.

Here's something they didn't
teach you at Stanford, Ben.

Whenever you can,
put a company in your mouth.

What do you think?

Not as good as I remember.

And that's a problem,

'cause I own
a hell of a lot of these fucking things

and I'm about to own more.

Yeah, Jack.

What time is it?

Okay.

Well, that's crazy.

Okay.

Shit. Really?

Fuck.

Yeah, all right.
Well, thanks for the heads-up.

Son of a bitch.

Issue?

That was a courtesy call
from an agent friend of mine

working with the Eastern District.

Mm. Okay.

Last night they arrested
this hedge fund guy in Greenwich

on securities and wire fraud.

Get to the part I'm gonna hate.

The guy works for Decker.

He's gonna flip on him
to save his own ass.

Son of a bitch.
What time is it?

5:50.

Hmm?

Come on.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Take it easy there, fella.

Excuse me, sir.

What?

You didn't clean up after your dog.

Yeah, I forgot the bag today.

Oh, I don't think so,

because, you know, it's not
just the statutory law,

it's the law of civility, man.

And I've seen you before.

You come out of that building,
your dog craps,

and you just leave it where it falls.

Why don't you mind your business?

This is my business.

Oh, you're that guy.

I am that guy.

All right, well,
do you have an extra bag?

No, no. See, I used mine.

Well, I'll get it next time.

No, I think you need to get it this time.

Why don't you let it slide?

"Let it slide."

That sounds simple, easy.

Sure, let it slide.
It's just some dog shit.

But those are three devious little words.

You know, if... if I let
your dog shit slide,

then I have to be okay
with this whole plaza filling up with it,

which it would before we know it.

Oh, then it would be
on our pant legs and our shoes,

and we would track it
into our homes,

and then our homes
would smell like shit, too.

It'd be easy to let it slide.

You know, why don't we, uh...
why don't we let petty larceny slide, too?

Some kid steals five bucks
from a newsstand... who cares?

Well, maybe next time
he decides to steal your TV

or break into your brownstone
and steal your fucking wife.

But what difference does it make?

Because by then,
we're all living in shit anyway.

C-come on, man.
I don't have a bag.

- You have hands.
- What?

- Use your hands.
- Or?

Come on, man.

Come on, buddy.

There we go. Thattaboy.

That's the spirit.

- Ugh.
- Yeah?

Eastern's moved on Decker.

They pinched one of his guys.
Looks like he's cooperating.

He's gonna flip on Decker?
Are you fucking kidding me?

We... God damn it.
Hold on. Hold on.

Sir, there's still some over here.

That's not Bobo's, man.

- It is now.
- Fuck. Really?

Yeah.

Well, if they have Decker...

...then they have Axelrod,
and we don't.

We know where this came from.

It's fucking Spyros.

Yeah, you know, while we're
chasing down Birch,

that glory hound gets Eastern
to look into Decker.

Hold on just a second.

Sir?

Thank you for doing your civic duty.

Feels good, doesn't it?

Okay.

♪ Make some time for YumTime ♪

♪ We're baking just for you ♪

♪ Scrumpets and Krumblettes ♪

♪ And Scribbleberries, too ♪

- What up, Big Steve?
- ♪ Every single crumb ♪

♪ You'll say yum, yum, yum, yum, yum! ♪

- Good morning, Mr. Bailey.
- Thank you, Cheryl.

♪ Yum, yum, hurray ♪

Mr. Bailey's office.

♪ For yum yum today ♪

I have Mr. Purkheiser on the line.

Thank you.

What do you say, Purk?

Word is, Bobby Axelrod is up to
a 4.9% stake in YumTime.

Thanks for the heads-up, Purk.

- Okay.
- All right.

Fuck!

Sh...

Cheryl, get in here!

♪ Major Lazer ♪

♪ Jump up, jump up, jump up, yeah ♪

♪ Be advised,
everybody thumbs up, yeah ♪

♪ Everybody, yes,
bring your thumbs up, yeah ♪

♪ Everybody, thumbs up, hey ♪

♪ Jump up, jump up, jump up, yeah ♪

♪ Be advised,
everybody thumbs up, yeah ♪

♪ Everybody, yes,
bring your thumbs up, yeah ♪

♪ Everybody, thumbs up, hey ♪

♪ Oh ♪

And you know what ATM
stands for, right?

Yes.

I don't want to be the kind of person
that gets off on that.

I really don't.

But...

I've learned this,

and it's one of the positives
of getting older.

It's better to accept
who I am than fight it.

Ass-to-mouth, by the way,

just so that we are speaking
the same language.

Oh, we are.

Sometimes on the drive home,
I'll roll it over in my mind.

You know, what is it
about a woman

taking it into her mouth
after a little raw-dogging

that just seems so right?

And it's this...

that I'm accepted as I am,

completely.

For my good qualities, sure,

but also for all...

of my filth.

And I appreciate a woman
who is that giving.

I truly do.

But there's more to it, isn't there?

The... act you're talking about

has to do with power dynamics,
dominance.

Maybe ask why this is
coming up for you now.

Is there a work connection?

Someone you feel isn't looking
at you like she should?

Maria Saldana.
Wow.

What happened?

She was kind of a bastard
about her bonus at quarterly review,

and then she went and got
an offer away.

Yeah, but she's still here.

Yeah, but she threatened to leave,

leveraging us to make a bigger offer,

which we will, and I think she stays.

- You feel played.
- Yeah, I do.

Then why did you make her
the counter if you feel that way?

Because she's great at her job.

Her P&L's always green.

She grew her capital
from 50 to $300 million.

Men renegotiate.

If they do it this way, they get fired.

So it's really not because
she's a woman?

No, it's because she got out of line.

You know that we're upping
Donnie Caan's capital... tripling it.

I asked Axe why.

He said, "Donnie's loyal,
a good soldier."

And in your mind, Maria's not.

It doesn't matter.
I'll keep her.

You gonna tell me about that smile?

Well, I'll keep her,

but she won't have much fun.

It's my duty to make
an example of her now.

You cannot leverage us.

So, over the next two years,

she'll get cut back
in ways she can't control.

She'll get less deal flow.
Less information will fall into her lap.

At the end of her deal,

she'll be worth a quarter
of her current comp.

Ass-to-mouth,

whether she likes it or not.

- Hey, Christine.
- Oh, hey, Lara.

- I have you in the ten o'clock, right?
- Yeah.

So you get
the whole book tour treatment?

- Local press, store signings?
- Yes, all of that.

Oh, so fun. Hey, Lara.

Hi, ladies.

Congratulate June.

Oh, on what?

Goose Quill is publishing her memoir
on how she got through 9/11.

Wow.
Congratulations, June.

Yeah, it's just...

you know, it's just a story
I wanted to tell.

So cool, right?

Yeah, super-duper.

Well, congrats again.
Can't wait to read it.

Hi. It's Lara Axelrod for
Shari Strang in communications.

- Lara, hey.
- Hey, Shari.

Listen, I need you
to get something for me.

This is more...

This is much more than...

I didn't come in here trying to get you
to do what you're doing.

Well, if you had, I wouldn't be.

And it makes good sense.

Should make a pretty big difference
to the family.

Game changer for us.

- Bring Wags in?
- Yeah.

- Axe?
- Yeah?

Thank you for your trust.

Thank you for earning it.

This is huge.
I want to thank you, too.

I told Donnie we've always known
we could trust him.

It's official.

We're gonna triple up his stack,

back him with the main fund
when we can.

He'll need one-on-ones,
some IPOs, and another analyst.

Excellent.
Shooter, shooter, coming out.

Get started with 200,000 shares
of Rubinex.

That's a big position.
Are you sure?

We are not uncertain.

You're gonna be our Brian Doyle.

- Who?
- Brian Doyle.

He was a utility player
on the '78 Yankees.

He was a lifetime.168 hitter.

That's below the Mendoza.

But in the '78 World Series,

Willie Randolph got hurt,
Doyle stepped in,

hit.438, played like an MVP.

- Legendary.
- You're gonna be Brian Doyle.

I'm gonna be Brian Doyle.

Amelia, I know it's a high-profile case.

But, uh, I'm building something here.

So can we horse trade?

Listening.

The Schachetti brothers.

You gonna give me
the Schachetti brothers?

You like?

You propose to trade
a high-flying hedge fund manager

for a couple of old goombahs

throwing elbows
over garbage pickups in Queens?

Maybe, uh, you don't understand
how horse trading works.

Uh, you don't open with your, uh...

You can't offer me your mule
for my thoroughbred.

You're hoping I'm dumb enough
to go for that.

So fuck you and the horse
you didn't ride in on.

I think maybe she does
understand horse trading.

Just find it.

File you asked about.

- What?
- Sakurov cyber fraud case.

Oh, right. Thanks.

Any luck with the, uh, douche bags
from Eastern?

Not yet.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Well, I, uh, heard
from that agent over there,

and, uh, Decker's junior is being
very cooperative.

- Son of a bitch.
- Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

All right, well, catch you later.

Yeah.

- She's good, isn't she?
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's important to develop
good relationships with agents.

Oh, yeah, I know.
You told me that first day.

Can't stress that enough.

So what's going on with Eastern?

Spyros, the SEC, pulled a move
on the Axelrod case.

What?

They got a guy to flip on Decker,
one ofAxelrod's spin-offs.

- Pete Decker?
- Yeah.

He's got a couple billion
in assets under management,

ties to Axelrod.

Mm, you wanted to flip him.

That was the plan.

You have all the leverage you need?

No such thing.

I'll grind on it.

Like, uh, Terri.

She looks like a real grinder.

As members of the board of YumTime...

Gathered informally.

You must want to know if my acquiring
almost five percent of your company

is a vote of confidence.

So let me put an end to the suspense.
It isn't.

Mr. Axelrod is prepared
to increase his position

and file with the SEC.

In addition to its stake,

Axe Capital controls
a significant percentage

of the silent-money votes
in this company,

which means, come proxy season,

there's a road for all of you
being out on your asses.

It's all in the letter,
which can be released publicly.

We're all aware of activist letters

and Mr. Axelrod's history with such.

A seat at the table and a say
in management decisions.

Based on what?

The fact that YumTime profits
have declined eight years running,

while executive compensation
has soared 300%.

And Hutch Bailey Ill has been CEO
for exactly that span of time.

I'm not here as a declaration of war,

but as a beacon of hope.

someone who knows
how a business should be run,

who sees exactly why your brand
is bleeding market share,

from the ingredients to the marketing.

You are in a room full
of career business operators.

Absolutely.

And I've been made to understand

that you're
the reasonable board members

who see how tenuous
the future of YumTime is.

We could be as reasonable
as Phil Donahue.

It wouldn't change a thing.

Hutch Bailey Ill is the CEO
and will be until he decides otherwise.

The Bailey family is YumTime.
YumTime is the Bailey family.

As the majority
of the board of directors,

you can change all of that in an instant.

Our chairman, Jerome Purkheiser,
is a wise and smart man.

And he has been like
a second father to Hutch

once Hutch Il passed on.

And I do not think
Purk would look upon this

in a friendly way at all.

So leave your letter.

Put it on a billboard if you want.

This meeting's over.

So it's all about Purkheiser.
Now we know that for sure.

- Yeah. Did you see her react?
- I did.

I am exposed here.

This board seat gives me
my own standing

and $200,000 in income.

Seats are always at risk
during a takeover.

You'll be fine.

I don't want to hear
those words from you

until you divorce Betty fucking Crocker.

Cut the screen test, Evelyn.
Let me read the goddamn letter.

Jesus, really?

"Hutch Bailey has betrayed
the consumer and his own legacy

by tampering with the recipe"?

The product tastes fine.

This isn't about the product.

BobbyAxelrod knows
about you and me.

What? How?

Not sure, but I'm impressed.

He knows how important
your happiness is to me,

so he's making us
his brushback pitch to my son.

It's nice handiwork.

We've got to stop it.

He cannot get on a winning streak.

What are we gonna do?

I gave you my board seat,
so I don't have a voice.

But here's what you can do.

You can talk to Jerome Purkheiser.

And say what?

You're a persuasive woman.

Persuade him to ride
this thing out and block it.

They're lobbying him.

You should lobby him.

Okay, I'll go talk to him.

- Well, not now.
- Why not?

Honey, I took a pill.

Hey, Lara.

- Did you get it?
- Yep.

How'd you do that so fast?

I know an editor at Goose Quill.

His kid's a bass player,

and I promised his band
a Pitchfork piece.

Amazing.

Hey, Lar. Want to try a morel
and asparagus beggar's purse?

Totally.

Lou, Shari. Shari, Lou.

Oh, the sister.

Yeah, the sister.
Hey.

Eat that.

Oh, my God.
That is insane.

She farms 'em, I charms 'em.

I could eat that, like, every day.

That's my sis.

So I skimmed.
I learned a thing or two.

I didn't knowAxe was a doctor.

A what?

Stanford.

Oh, the honorary.

Yeah, we made a pretty big gift.

Lara, take a look at chapter ten.

It's a problem.

No, I'm... I'm sure that the kids will have
a wonderful time.

Listen, I really do need to run.

Yeah, okay. Bye.

- Lonnie.
- Chuck. What's up?

Uh, did you happen to catch
the science section on Tuesday?

I may have skipped it.

I never miss a word.

Anyway, uh, there was a piece
on microbial research.

It's a burgeoning field.

And this MIT team
was looking into apoptosis.

There are cells

within me and you
and other complex organisms

that will actually sacrifice themselves
for the whole.

Healthy cells just kind of...

...taking one for the team.

What?

Statue of Liberty
attempted bombing case

needs to come off your plate.

I'm sorry?

Eastern needs that case.

No. That's a dagger.

I have this.

I've been doing this
for two years around the clock.

Oh, believe me, I know,
and I see that.

But it really can't be helped.

Besides, you're still gonna be
on the case.

What the fuck?

You're cross-designating me
to Eastern?

Like you said, you've been working on it
for two years.

They're gonna need your expertise.

Yeah, I'm gonna do all the scut work.

They're gonna try the case
and get the good stuff.

I'll make it up to you.

You got to give me a reason.

I'm making parlay with Eastern,
and I need big wampum.

So I'm supposed to what,
just grab my ankles and take it?

I'll send over a vat of ass lube.

Chuck.

What's the difference
between ass lube or regular lube?

Viscosity.

Fuck, Wend.

I never get used to how you live.

Yeah.

You know, I can see why you
made the choice that you did.

ER, it's binary.

They come in bleeding to death,

I get them back on the rails
inside of a day.

Or not.
Either way, it's done.

I'm forced to move on
to the next, to be present.

It's satisfying.

I'm an adrenaline junkie anyway.

Well, we're both addicts.

This thing I do...

I get so fucking turned on doing it

because I see the change
happen immediately, too.

They go from zero to 100,

and I can watch exactly
how they use what I give them.

Yeah, but something about it
is not sitting right with you.

You're in the horns of a dilemma.

Horns of a dilemma.

There's this woman.

She's a real badass.
I like her a lot.

And I know she's about to get crushed,

and the guy who's gonna
crush her is my patient, too.

All these people matter to me,
and I can't do my job if I judge them.

Do the triage.

Figure out who needs what more
and go that way.

That's the short-term fix.

Long term? This shit is gonna
give you ulceritis.

Worse.

Talk to Chase, the headhunter.

Hmm.
That guy you...

Yeah, we had a little thing.
It was years ago.

- You were kind of into him.
- Mm-hmm.

He was fun.

Good at certain things, if I recall.

Very conscientious.

Someone's got to talk to Purkheiser.

He made his money in meat processing.

Feared by the bovine.

Kills over a million cows a year.

He's been described to me
as a cool-headed Midwesterner

who can smell bullshit
in the colon of a bull

from across the ranch.

Want to try him?

I can't do that.
He's folksy.

So?

I've tried with folksy people.

They find me to be
a rapacious scumbag.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but...

I don't think it's just the folksy people.

- How about you?
- You're my rapacious scumbag.

This is what love is.

They put me on fucking hold?

Yeah, a man of your stature.

Damn right.
Man of my imperious...

You ready to sweet-talk me?

Statue of Liberty bombing attempt.

I don't know.

Oh, yes, you do.

This story's front page of the Times,

above the fold, and the case is solid.

- One condition.
- Shoot.

Ari Spyros is embedded with you.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

No, you can't saddle me
with that useless douche bag.

- Take or leave?
- Done.

We'll send the transcript right over.

- Good.
- Chuck, it's Ari.

I'm looking forward
to working with you again.

Hey. Spyros.

I'm glad you heard all that.

And I promise, I'd have said
that to your fucking face,

which always reminds me
of a confused dog.

That's Decker.

That's him.

He seems like a real family man.

- Nice guy?
- What?

- I don't give a shit.
- Ah.

"Good father? Fuck you."

"Fuck you. Go home and play
with your kids."

Okay, okay, okay. No.

I actually feel a little bit bad
doing it this way.

Yeah, me too.
Let the kids clear.

That's goddamn decent of you.

It's fucking hot.

- All right, bye, Dad.
- All right.

- See you later, bud.
- Bye, Daddy. Love you.

Love you, too.

- All right, now.
- Go now.

Hi. Pete?

Mr. Decker,

Bryan Connerty

with the U.S. Attorney's office,
Southern District.

We have an awful lot to talk about.

Okay.

It isn't flattering.

Looking at some pretty serious
reputational damage here.

Hmm, you think?

Is it a defamation case?
I don't know. You tell me.

How much is true?

He made some shrewd trades
around 9/11.

You know, he did what he had to do.

My husband plays hardball.

Nobody makes billions of dollars
pitching underhand.

But his work situation beforehand,
what he did after,

incendiary.

So what do you recommend?

Three avenues...

let her print, then we rebut and sue.

And I'm not recommending that.

People remember allegations,
not rebuttals.

Exactly. Someone says
Charlie fucked a goat,

even if the goat denies it,

he goes to the grave
"Charlie the goat fucker."

Second option...
buy the publishing company and kill it.

That's too loud, I think.

Agreed.

The third choice...

I could go and try and reason with her.

No, I reasoned with that twat
once before.

I have ways to get her attention.

Hi.

I'm in the 8:15 with Steffi.

Um, I don't have you on my list.

- I booked online.
- There must be some sort of mix-up.

Your name didn't make it
into the system.

- Okay.
- Hey, June.

Um...

Lilly, Jane, Patricia...
you're all set.

Thanks, Christine.
I got to change.

Um, can you just, like,
squeeze me in?

Sorry. It's policy.

Everything okay, June?

Yeah, everything's fine.
I... Oh, God.

A doctor.
I totally forgot. I'm late.

They're on their way.

Good.

Are you wearing cologne?

- Yeah.
- Jesus Christ.

So, ground rules.

I'll do all of the talking.

"We have someone else that made
the same pharmaceutical trade."

First one in gets a lollipop.

But to be clear,
we don't really have anyone?

To be clear, I am making a play.

That's what I like to call
"the prisoner's dilemma."

No, you don't like to call it that.
That's what it's called.

Started as a thought experiment,
game theory in the '50s.

Does no one ever check you
on this bullshit?

I'm just saying,
I would've made the same play.

Mr. Decker, sir.

I think everyone knows
why we're here.

We're ready to listen.

Well...

we have you on the Pepsum trade.

You know that.

So why don't you tell us
about how BobbyAxelrod

funneled you and other satellites
insider information?

You're saying words
I don't understand.

Never gonna happen.

What he's saying is, at this time,

he does not wish to cooperate.

That's because he doesn't know
what we have up our sleeve.

Sleeves.

Mr. Decker, approximately
two and a half hours ago,

we had someone sitting
where you are now...

a young man from a fund
that I'm not at liberty to name,

and he was downright chatty.

So it looks like the race is on
to see who's got the stronger information

and who I'm gonna let take the credit
for flipping on BobbyAxelrod.

And the winner gets to stay out of MCC.

Yes, that's correct.

Cooperate and go home.

Uh, but this comes to trial,

and you're talking
to your kids through glass.

We'll see how that all works out.

Yes, we will.

- We're done here.
- Oh, you are far from done.

Just know that.

- Fuck.
- I don't see him caving.

Mm, I think he will.

You know, my fucking eyes
are watering here.

How many pints
of that shitty toilet water

do you splash on yourself
every morning, Spyros?

You think maybe it's gonna help you
get some tail?

Here's a tip... it's not.

It is a lot in a confined area.

- I can cut back a little.
- Yeah, maybe cut way back.

- So?
- It's a good slice of pizza.

- Bruno.
- What is it, Bobby?

Tell Mr. Purkheiser
why I love your sauce.

Uh, I use the San Marzanos.

- Tomatoes.
- Yeah, yeah, tomatoes.

You make it without 'em,
it wouldn't taste right.

Right. More expensive?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But like I say, it wouldn't taste right.

Wouldn't be verace.

Verace?

The true way you make
a pizza Napoletana.

This place is the pizza of my youth.

He's been making it just like this
since I was a kid.

You know...

Normally, somebody wants
to waltz with me,

I find myself sawing a 20-ounce rib eye
on the East Side

with a $500 cabernet.

I am different from the other children.

Mm, well, that is clear now, Mr. Axelrod.

When I was 11 years old till I was 14,

I was a paperboy.

I delivered the Journal News
every day after school.

And when I finished my route,
I'd pick up a YumTime Scrumpet.

It was my reward.

I did this every weekday
for three years.

And a while back,
I brought my two boys here.

And I showed them my route,
we stopped for a Scrumpet,

and they were colorless,
over-sweet, petrified.

Needless to say,
my two boys were underwhelmed.

So was I.

Didn't taste as good.

So I did some research,

and I learned
that the recipe had changed.

Bruno!

What's the name
of those tomatoes again?

Uh, the San Marzanos.

Bruno never let me down.

YumTime let me down.

Public company now.

Got to boost profits
for the shareholders.

Synthetic ingredients are cheaper,
margins are better.

Hutch Ill is playing a quarterly game.

It's just a different world.

Well, Hutch Ill is flying

around that different world in a G6.

I'm guessing Hutches I and Il
flew coach.

It's classic, time immemorial...

Hutch I starts it, Hutch Il grows it,
Hutch Ill blows it.

Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves
in three generations.

Come on, Purk.
You have to see that.

If you don't throw in with me
or someone like me,

YumTime goes the same way
as Ebinger's.

What's Ebinger's?

That's exactly what
you wanted me to ask, isn't it?

- Hi, Mark.
- Ms. Raichlein.

I have a 10:20 tee time,
but we want to hit the range first.

And I requested Stewart on my bag.

Yeah, uh, Mr. Kellum
from the membership committee

wanted to speak with you.

Oh, okay. Um...

Is he in his office?

No, he stepped out.

Well, then I'll pop back in
after the round.

I had to give away your tee time.

Uh, what are you talking about?

I don't really know.

Something about your account
being in arrears.

That is not true.
My bookkeeper...

There has been a mistake.

Well, you can't play golf
till it's been resolved.

Meeting to order.

Let the record reflect
that two guests are present...

Mr. Robert Axelrod, shareholder,

and Mr. Michael Wagner.

Welcome, gentlemen.

Now, I think we're all familiar
with Mr. Axelrod,

by reputation and through the letter
that was circulated.

And I feel that this might be a good time
to hear directly from him.

- Mr. Axelrod?
- Thank you.

Folks, my proposal is simple.

Return to the original recipes

and restore the YumTime brand
to its former glory.

And then what?

After a good quarter or two,
you spin it off?

Do you see what's happening here?

This...

...carpetbagger, he comes in here,

he shakes things up,

he sells the company off in pieces,

and then he dumps his shares
the minute it ticks up.

He's a raider, plain and simple.

Not my intention.

Do you have any idea of the cost
of returning to the old recipes?

We can't remain competitive.

Yes, sugar instead of corn syrup

and the elimination
of polysorbate and other crap

will add to the per-unit cost
and cut into the margins.

And destroy profits.

How do we explain that
to the shareholders?

No explanation necessary.

We make up the difference
by streamlining inefficiencies

and trimming bloated executive
compensation and perquisites,

beginning with the corporate jet.

- Okay, you have a jet.
- I earned a jet.

I earned one, too.

I started at the bottom.

And the Scrumpets taste fine.

You came on
as a 22-year-old vice president

and you raped the Scrumpet.

I eat them.

I eat Scrumpets and Dingdoodles
and Kookoonutties,

and they are good.

They're not as good.

But they're still very, very good.
Delicious.

Listen to me.

I move that effective immediately

Hutchinson Bailey Ill
be removed from his duties

as Chief Executive Officer
of the YumTime Corporation.

Hang on a minute here!
Purk, you're being conned!

Jerome, this is not what we discussed.

Evelyn, there have been
subsequent discussions.

Is there a second?

Second.

All those in favor?

Motion carries.

You traitor.

My father is turning in his grave,
I assure you.

Your father thought
you were a lunkhead.

Please, find the door.

Fuck this.

I'll get my company back...

somehow.

And fuck you, Axelrod.

Well, now you're off my Christmas list.

I now move...

to remove Evelyn Benson
from this body

and delegate her seat to Robert Axelrod.

- What?
- Second.

I'll go to the press.

If you do,

you'll be burned down
with your own match.

But if you don't,
we'll write you a nice endorsement,

and maybe you'll get another board.

You old cocksucker.

The same might be said
of you, my dear.

All those in favor?

Motion carries.

Good luck, Evelyn.

They offered me what I'm worth.

Finally.

That's great.

I leveraged the offer
from Zenobia Capital.

The kinder, gentler fund.

What are they like?

Good returns, less asshole-y.

Less asshole-y is good.

Okay.
Talk to me.

- You have time?
- Yeah, come on.

All right.

So the more I thought
about going over to Zenobia,

the more excited I became
by the prospect.

I mean, I'd have to build up
a book again, but...

But there's a growth opportunity.

And a ticket out of the boys' club.

Yeah.

But then, uh...

Wags... he really stepped up.

He was respectful,

endearing...

almost.

Yeah, it's kind of weird,

but it gave rise to a sense of loyalty.

Go figure, right?

He's an enigma.

So now I'm in a dilemma again.

Yep.

The horns.

Close your eyes.

Picture yourself...

at 80 years old.

You're at your Sag Harbor place,

on the front porch in a rocking chair.

See the view.

Hear the sound of the water,
the seagulls.

Feel the summer breeze.

And feel the arm of the chair

as you slowly rock.

Now reflect on your life

having decided to stay here
at Axe Capital.

Your relationships here,

your chances...

to advance,

to be fulfilled.

What are your days like?

Now...

picture yourself having spent that time
with Zenobia.

Who are you with?

What are your days like?

Were you able to rise?

Did you become
a better version of yourself?

Take your time.

I'm sorry. I'm...

I'm having trouble breathing here.

I-I-I don't understand.
My solar plexus is collapsing.

What do you mean
there is no place for him?

His father, who died tragically,
went to Stanford.

And so did his grandfather,
who has his name on a squash court.

He plays the goddamn violin.

This is a double legacy
with perfect SATs

who goes into Bridgeport
to read to poor, dumb children!

I mean, what the fuck happened?

June, you know how sorry
we are about this.

This is just a very competitive class.

What about a gap year?
Or what is his safety school?

His safety school is fuck you!

I hate that cunt!

I hate that cunt!
I hate that cunt!

I hate that cunt!

I hate that cunt!

Dad?

In my office.

Hi.
Where's Mom?

Hair appointment.

I'm taking her out tonight to Grenouille
for our anniversary.

Mm.

But she set us up with some gazpacho.

She made some guacamole as well.

Avocado's a superfood.

Hmm?

YumTime and Bobby fucking Axelrod.

This is aimed at you.

How is that?

He's sending you a message,
showing you his reach.

That he knows
my father has a mistress?

Don't use that word here, and, yes.

If he can take away her board seat
just to fuck with me...

Then he can get to me
a million other ways, Dad.

I've dealt with the Russians.

- I think I can handle this.
- Can you?

What the fuck do you want me
to do about it?

He made a legal business play,

and, uh, that's costing you
some headaches,

which is too fucking bad.

It's gonna cost me $200,000 in upkeep

is what it's gonna cost me,
but you have to ask yourself...

What is he gonna attack next?

Now, find a way...

...to bury the son of a bitch.

I am, but on my timetable, not yours.

Your timetable will have me watching
your gubernatorial campaign

from my fucking mausoleum.

I have to do this job right first

before I even have a chance
at the next one.

Ah, agreement. We both wish
you'd do your fucking job now.

Guac is starting to turn.

Uh...

Tell your mail carrier
that, uh, I'm terribly sorry

about her board seat.

And tell Mom, your wife,

that I said happy anniversary.

♪ You've got me, girl,
on the runaround ♪

♪ Runaround, got me all around town ♪

♪ You've got me, girl,
on the run around ♪

Hey.

♪ And it's getting me down ♪

♪ Getting me down ♪

♪ Lady... ♪

There she goes.

Yep.

♪ Then you look no further ♪

I really am gonna miss her energy.

♪ For I'm gonna be your only ♪

Offto the Yankees game?

Don Pasquale.

Ah. Ambrogio Maestri.

I heard his Falstaff.

You're in for a real treat.

So Decker's parents...

a retired eighth-grade teacher
and a sales clerk...

their net worth is eight figures.

But all of their statements
go to their son's address.

Decker personally trades
their accounts.

Which kind of puts them
in his leaky boat.

What are they like?

Total straight and narrow,
church-going conservatives.

Well, that's a tidy leverage opportunity.

I wonder if the parents
even know about it.

They could be totally innocent here.

Do we really want to do 'em like this?

We apply pressure
where and when we can.

Now, he made them vulnerable, not us.

We're just hitting the hole in the line.

Right.

How'd you come up with that?

Just thought about what I would do
if I were a trader in his position,

how I would hide some of the money.

Swiss banks are watched
too closely now.

He doesn't trust his wife,

and, uh, his parents
aren't sophisticated investors.

Good hunch.

Yeah, what are you working on
right now?

Internet fraud case.

Ah.

I bet that's fucking boring.

No, it's...
I mean, it's not, um...

Yeah, actually, it is.
It's fucking boring.

Why don't you skip Don Pasquale

and join us on this opera buffa?

- What do you say?
- Fuck, yes.

Hi, June.
Come on in.

No, um, I can't stay,
but thanks for making some time.

I realized that I skipped a step.

I didn't show you the manuscript.

This is a revised version.

I, um... I cut a chapter,

and I made some minor edits
here and there.

And I would be curious
to hear your opinion.

Great.
Can't wait to read it.

Great. Thanks.

And, um, if you would like me
to sign a nondisclosure

about the stuffthat I cut...

Would you?

That would be lovely.
Thank you.

Oh, and, June, I spoke
to Carl Belanger at Stanford...

The president.

Yeah, and, um, there seems
to be a mix-up.

A mix-up?

Yeah, the weighting
they gave certain categories

of your son's application,
they were inputted incorrectly.

And I believe corrections
are being made.

I have a very good feeling
that he'll get accepted.

Congratulations.

I don't know how to thank you.

Are you ready to serve?

What is going on?

You are not here with me.

I'm sorry.
I just can't concentrate.

Really?

This makes cattle concentrate.

The whole point is
this keeps you in the present.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Oh, there's, um...

Oh, God. I can't believe
I'm even talking about this.

What?

Axe is...

Jesus. Forget it.

No.

He's fucking with my father.

And that's in my head, Wend,

which has to be what Axe wants.

He's a target because of me, you know?

Your father can handle himself.

Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna leave you to stew in it.

Okay.

And when I get back,

you better be focused and obedient.

Have...

I made myself clear?

Yes. Yeah.

Very clear.

Stay here.

And wait for your mistress to return.

Ah.

Boys asleep?

Just about.
Read a couple of chapters.

- We're at a good part.
- Fun.

That Dolores Umbridge sure is a bitch.

Oh, yeah.

I have something for you.

She wrote a book?

- Yes, she did.
- Am I in it?

You were.
Details about a certain time

at the beginning of the century
that very few people know about.

- And?
- She made some cuts.

At your suggestion?

She was resistant at first,

but she came around
to my way of thinking.

You deserve a Nobel Prize,
you know that?

No prize necessary.

- ♪ Your love came down on me ♪
- ♪ Pitter, patter, fall on me ♪

♪ Right out of nowhere ♪

♪ And, oh, so suddenly ♪

I'm so happy for you.

It feels right.

Thank you.

So what's the minimum investment
for family and friends?

Uh, $250,000,

but I promised I wouldn't take
any money away from Axe.

What if he never finds out?

Patient/doctor in reverse?

Yeah.

Count me in for 250.

Done.

Thanks.

♪ Right out of nowhere,
like a shooting star above ♪

♪ I was so thrilled ♪

- ♪ With the new love that I found ♪
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ And you plan to see ♪

♪ That too many are tearing me down ♪

♪ Your love was strange,
oh, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Your love was strange, strange ♪

- ♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪
- ♪ I said... ♪

What happened?

Sorry, honey.
I just...

Oh, don't worry about it.

Want me to undo you?

Yeah, thanks.

♪ The next time
you turn your back on me ♪

♪ There's someone in my place ♪

♪ Then you take your love
away from me ♪

♪ Your love was strange,
oh, baby... ♪

So you want to just watch TV
and eat ice cream?

Yeah, perfect.

There's butter pecan.

I'll go down in a minute
and get it soft.

Play ball! Come on!

Ball!

Good eye, good eye, Teddy!
You're the man, baby!

You see it, you stroke it.
You're the man.

Hey, Coach.

Beautiful day for a ball game.

- Really?
- Really.

Is there something you want?

'Cause your lame shit won't work here
any better than it did in your office.

Aren't there rules
about you approaching me

- without my lawyer present?
- It's okay, Pete.

I'm not here for you.
Take it easy.

Ball two!

Oh, it's nice that Karen and Bill
come out to see their grandson play.

It'll be a little awkward
when we handcuffthem

- and haul them off.
- Strike!

Come on, Ted!

Strike two!

I don't know.
That looked a little low to me.

Anyway, we got a subpoena
on your folks' investment portfolio

and it seems that they were in
on the Pepsum trade, among others.

And I know and you know
that was not a legal trade.

And they'll say that they didn't know,
that they're innocent.

But, hey, that's what they all say.

- This is not right.
- Yeah.

Right and wrong.
That's a funny line, isn't it?

Ball!

But you know what is kind of wrong?

This being Saturday, we bring them in,
the courts aren't open,

so it's gonna be
a sleepover situation.

They don't deserve that.

But that's what
they're gonna fucking get.

- Yeah, I'll come in on Monday.
- Yes, you will.

Way to go, Teddy! Let's go!
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Take third!
Take third, John!

Okay, hold up, hold up,
hold up, hold up, hold up.

Good thing you held your player.

They had him dead to rights.

♪ Edwin Starr's "War" playing ♪

You rock, Teddy!
You run on anything!

♪ War, huh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ What is it good for? ♪

♪ Absolutely nothing ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ War, huh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ What is it good for? ♪

♪ Absolutely nothing ♪

♪ Say it again, y'all ♪

♪ War, huh ♪

♪ Good God ♪

♪ What is it good for? ♪

♪ Absolutely nothing ♪

♪ Listen to me, oh, war ♪

♪ I despise ♪

♪ 'Cause it means destruction ♪

♪ Of innocent lives ♪

♪ War means tears ♪

♪ To thousands of mother's eyes ♪

♪ When their sons go off to fight ♪

♪ And lose their lives ♪

♪ I said war, huh ♪

♪ Good God, y'all ♪

♪ What is it good for? ♪

♪ Absolutely nothing ♪

♪ Just say it again ♪

♪ War, whoa, oh, oh, Lord ♪

♪ What is it good for? ♪

♪ Absolutely nothing ♪