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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:22,674
Well, kids, it's Friday afternoon.
You know what that means.
2
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,190
- We play Make-Believe Daddy. Yeah!
- We play Make-Believe Daddy. Yeah!
3
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,471
Hi, kids, I'm home.
4
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,796
- Daddy.
- Daddy.
5
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,077
Would you like your pipe
and slippers now, Daddy?
6
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,357
And what would you like,
beautiful?
7
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:54,712
Just hold me
in your powerful argyle arms.
8
00:01:55,800 --> 00:02:00,749
Kids, go put on some Johnny Mathis
and get out of here.
9
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:15,272
No, not the sock again.
10
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,392
How come he gets
a pipe and slippers?
11
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,558
I've had a cold for three days,
I gotta sleep in the garage.
12
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,074
It's for your own good, Al.
You know what they say:
13
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,238
"Starve a cold. Freeze a fever."
14
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,916
I've got a good mind not to tell you
what happened at work today.
15
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,276
And it was real interesting too.
16
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,669
Sock Daddy almost got stuck
in the lint filter today.
17
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,075
Yup, marriage stinks, have a kid.
Kid stinks, have another.
18
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,194
And everything will be all right.
19
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,755
Well, let Sock Daddy top this.
20
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,758
I've been offered early retirement.
21
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,557
They've offered to give me
a year's pay.
22
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,672
A check for $12,000.
23
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,077
- Daddy.
- Daddy.
24
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,078
Would you like your pipe
and slippers now, Daddy?
25
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,193
I don't get it, Al.
26
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,233
You mean, they're gonna pay you
just to sit around the house?
27
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,750
Yes, Peg. Quite a little novel idea
for you, isn't it?
28
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,838
But I don't know what I should do.
29
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,992
Well, that's never stopped you
from taking me.
30
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,760
Shouldn't stop you
from taking $12,000.
31
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,952
Oh, take the money, Al. I mean,
look what work has done for you.
32
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,513
You got lines in your face.
33
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,314
Your cheeks are sallow.
You lost all your hair.
34
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,359
Peg, that's what you've done to me.
35
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,910
But work can't be helping.
36
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,237
Besides, just think what we could do
with that money.
37
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,829
Al, we could pay off our Visa.
38
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,678
Oh, do it for me, baby.
39
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,758
I don't know how much longer
I can go without charging again.
40
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:10,589
I didn't work 20 years to pay off
a Visa bill.
41
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,360
Creditors don't get one penny.
42
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:17,030
How dare they expect us to pay
for five-year-old items.
43
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,034
I mean, if they're stupid enough
to give me credit...
44
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,118
...let them raise their interest.
Let honest people pay for it.
45
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,958
All right, we have had enough.
46
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,357
Every day, our paper is missing.
47
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,711
We never see you take it,
but we know it's you.
48
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,196
We have many signs
that point directly to you.
49
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,753
Our stoop smells.
50
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,679
Our roses have been used
as a restroom.
51
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,111
And I keep finding
all of these loose hairs...
52
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,673
...all over our porch...
53
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,316
...which look like they were
once here...
54
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,078
...here...
55
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,316
...or in there.
56
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,510
How dare you accuse me...
57
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,996
...or any member of
my law-abiding family.
58
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,430
I demand an apology.
59
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:22,311
That's a... That's a bad dog.
60
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:28,516
Yeah, I stole. But at least I wasn't
the one who wet the bushes.
61
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,757
Look, you don't have to worry
about us stealing anything anymore.
62
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:40,555
Al just got $12,000
for early retirement.
63
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,558
Oh, well, that's great, Al.
64
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,796
Why, you could live off the interest.
65
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,479
If you don't touch
your capital...
66
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,240
...your interest could earn
as much as $12 a week.
67
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,558
Really?
68
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,349
And you could use the time off,
old paint.
69
00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,677
Don't wind up like my dad.
70
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:03,395
The man worked through his 70s,
every day of his life.
71
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,751
- His back bent from work.
- Was he a coal miner?
72
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,389
No, a gigolo.
73
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:14,589
He was always going to retire,
but then it was too late.
74
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,360
He tragically died
preparing for a job.
75
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,233
Burned to death in a tanning bed.
76
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,873
Well, at least he died the way
he always wanted to:
77
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,310
No tan lines.
78
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,311
Jefferson still has the cotton balls...
79
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:40,149
...that were between what used to be
his dad's toes.
80
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:45,116
I can't tan or eat a well-done steak
without thinking of that man.
81
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,916
My poor baby.
His was a close but tragic family.
82
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,997
His mother was an exotic dancer.
83
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,760
She was swallowed whole
by her snake during a break...
84
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,190
...at Airport Totally Nude.
85
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,914
I can't wear a belt or buy
an expensive pair of boots...
86
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,793
...without thinking she's in them.
87
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,996
Come, Jefferson.
In honour of your parents...
88
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,237
...come dance naked for me
and then pleasure me.
89
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,237
Yes.
90
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,437
Yes, I'll do it for Mom and Dad.
91
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:31,153
I just hope wherever they are,
they're watching.
92
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:39,198
I think we might be better off
if we bought our own newspaper...
93
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,914
...and get those people
the hell out of here.
94
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:46,511
But there's something to be learned
from Jefferson's extra-crispy dad.
95
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:49,839
There comes a time...
96
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,873
...when a man has accomplished
all he can do.
97
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:56,231
- I think you already have.
- I fear you're right.
98
00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,153
But you know, it wouldn't be bad...
99
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:05,030
...to have a little extra money
in the bank around this time.
100
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,516
So I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna retire.
101
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:12,918
And then I'll have more time
to pursue my real hobby:
102
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,398
Hey, what are you doing out here?
103
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,957
We've got room for you too,
right here in retirement village.
104
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,756
Day-o
105
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,235
Day day-o
106
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:40,877
Daylight come and I working no more
107
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,311
Daylight come and I working no more
108
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,114
I see deadly red tarantula
109
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:59,519
But I sit here with my hand
In my pant-ula
110
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,392
- Happy, honey?
- Yeah.
111
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,592
Good, because I think you've had
enough time to relax.
112
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,916
You've slept late
and you've sat down.
113
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,720
Now it's time to get another job.
114
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,678
But, Peg, we got $12,000.
115
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,629
Honey, how long do you think
$12,000 is gonna last?
116
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,990
I mean, we've only had that money
for an hour...
117
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,668
...and already it's down to $10,000.
118
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,274
And that is just for hair, nails...
119
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,597
...and $1800 worth of junk.
120
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,311
Now, honey, am I gonna
have to spend all of this money...
121
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,512
...before you realize it's time to get
a new job?
122
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,915
But you know, it doesn't have to be
just any job.
123
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:44,112
It should be something you can
be proud of. A step up.
124
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,675
That's why I've made
an appointment for you.
125
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,030
You see, there's an opening
for a guy...
126
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:53,870
...to separate garbage
into paper, plastic and spit.
127
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,512
If you hurry, you can be that guy.
128
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,877
Oh, Peg, why can't getting a job
wait till tomorrow?
129
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,954
Al, there is a lot of competition
out there in the job pool.
130
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,559
Why, every day...
131
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:11,038
...more illegal immigrants,
some of whom speak English...
132
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,433
...are out there
flooding the job market.
133
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,393
Now, if you were a customer,
what would you rather hear:
134
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,830
"Yeah, yeah, I'll get you a slushy"...
135
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,430
...or, " Please, sir, I will gladly
serve you a slushy.
136
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,234
Thank you for not killing me."
137
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,636
Believe me, honey. I love you.
138
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,354
And I wouldn't hire you to put
phone-sex cards...
139
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,596
...under windshield wipers.
140
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,514
Besides, you know,
$10,000 is really...
141
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,915
Hello? Oh, yes,
I did place that order.
142
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,838
Thank you.
143
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,914
Nine thousand dollars...
144
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,918
...is really, really not a lot
in this day and age.
145
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,078
Especially since we put it in my name
to hide it from creditors.
146
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,550
Well, Peg, that reminds me.
Where is my money?
147
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,557
Yeah.
148
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,594
Like I'm really gonna tell you.
149
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,792
The way you just fritter it away.
150
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,071
That'll be for me.
151
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:16,155
I ordered the entire Elvis plate
collection from the Franklin Mint.
152
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,790
Now, there's no guarantee
that they'll go up in value...
153
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,479
...but all the others have.
154
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,758
And so, Miss...
155
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,472
..."Blaub"...
156
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,710
- Ms. Blaub.
- Yeah.
157
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,990
I'm sorry, your name
was partially obscured...
158
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,873
...by some errant flesh.
159
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,633
As I was saying, I'm just not going
to take anything...
160
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,434
...unlike you at a buffet.
161
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,080
So, what do you have for me?
162
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,471
Some Mennen Speed Stick
in my desk.
163
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:08,669
Well, let me give you a little tip.
It goes under your arms...
164
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,073
...if you could ever get them
horizontal.
165
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:17,148
Well, I can see that you are
a real people person...
166
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:21,114
...so let's get you the hell out of here
as quickly as possible.
167
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,198
How many years of college
did you have?
168
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,198
I was just entertaining myself.
169
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,628
Did you go to high school?
170
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,311
Polk High.
171
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,717
And while I find you fat
and repulsive...
172
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:43,239
...l'll gladly regale you with tales
of my four touchdowns in one game.
173
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,950
Oh, how rare it is to have someone
who played high school football...
174
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,116
...in an employment office.
175
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,828
- Look, blob...
- Blaub!
176
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:56,269
I know your name.
That was a descriptive term.
177
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,631
Now, look.
I'm putting myself...
178
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:02,833
...in your sweaty,
bloated hands here.
179
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,589
I'm looking for a career,
not just a job.
180
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,199
You know, like a doctor...
181
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,312
...or a guy who
plays with hooters all day.
182
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,872
That would be an anaesthesiologist.
183
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,594
Well, don't worry, I think we have
something perfect...
184
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,554
...for a man with your qualifications.
Tell me, do you have any skills?
185
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,998
Well, I'm naturally inquisitive.
186
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,236
For instance, I'm wondering
just how strong...
187
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,749
...that chair is, you're sitting in.
188
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,759
I have the perfect job for you.
189
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,310
Okay. Line up.
Customers will be coming in soon.
190
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,317
You guys ready?
191
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,039
All right, Bundy, meet the people
you'll be working with.
192
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,152
I like to call them
"the three Habibs."
193
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,955
That's management for you.
They're all alike.
194
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,639
Never get to know your real name.
195
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,111
No, it is true.
We are all named Habib.
196
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,357
Well, how do I tell you apart?
197
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,319
It is easy.
You just call us Habib...
198
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,556
...and point to the one
you wish to speak to.
199
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,113
That's what we do.
200
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,312
Is that not right, Habib?
201
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:35,832
Yes, it is, Habib.
202
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,429
Learn our names quickly, old one.
203
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,790
Soon we will be ownership Habibs.
204
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,072
The shoe store's for sale,
and we are saving our money to buy.
205
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,989
Ah, just go ahead
and play the lottery.
206
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,918
There's no money in shoes.
207
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,429
I was selling shoes
when you guys were a gleam...
208
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,473
...in a New York
taxicab driver's eyes.
209
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,876
Bundy, I've been called away
on urgent business.
210
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,311
One of the prostitutes I use is free.
211
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,595
I'm leaving you in charge.
212
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,878
The whistle is yours.
213
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:16,668
Management.
214
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,711
I'm the boss.
215
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:23,550
Finally, somebody's mistrust
in foreigners has put me in charge.
216
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,758
Okay. Huddle up.
217
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,756
All right, I'm running this team now.
218
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,111
And remember, there's no "l"
in "shoe store."
219
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,880
Now, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna run a zone.
220
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,514
Habib, you cover running shoes.
221
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,234
Habib, you cover cross-trainers.
222
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,714
And Habib...
223
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:47,277
...you cover a hot dog with mustard
and you bring it back here.
224
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,918
Ready? Work.
225
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,230
I like this.
226
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,957
I like this so much,
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
227
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,469
I'm gonna buy this shoe store...
228
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,513
...and be the last American
in this country...
229
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,518
...to own his own business.
230
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,031
Hi. I'm Charlene Tilton...
231
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,993
...and I'd like to introduce you
to the Abdomenizer.
232
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,954
Hey, Mom, how did you ever get
Charlene Tilton...
233
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,912
...to come exercise
in our living room?
234
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,839
Well, I called to order
one of those things...
235
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,071
...but I wasn't sure
that I wanted to buy it.
236
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,714
So she rushed right over
to answer all my questions.
237
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,719
It's easy and fun.
238
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,753
You just described me,
you former Dallas cutie.
239
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:51,352
I like to call myself
"Abdomenizer B."
240
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,393
But I don't need no
stinking exerciser.
241
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,637
I get plenty of exercise
up in my room.
242
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,597
Yes, but with the Abdomenizer,
for the first time...
243
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,677
...you could have some company.
244
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,079
Peg.
245
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,510
Kids. Charlene Tilton.
246
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,673
Peg...
247
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,678
...I now know what's been
holding me back all these years.
248
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,076
That would be us.
249
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,473
I bet he has a new plan
to change his future.
250
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,149
I should have killed you years ago.
251
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,191
If you really wanna change
your future, start with your stomach.
252
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,789
Why, I wouldn't be here
if I didn't believe in it.
253
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:43,874
Oh, come on. You'd be here for
a slice of cheese and a Ritz cracker.
254
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,670
Now, Peg, I know
you could never guess...
255
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,233
...so I'm just gonna tell you.
256
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,431
I want to buy a shoe store.
It's a gold mine.
257
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,870
No, I do not want your opinion.
Give me the money.
258
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,918
Al, what woman would give
her husband his money?
259
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,839
Honey, it just isn't done.
260
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,834
Peg, I need it
and I need it now, baby!
261
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,555
Can't you see, Peg? I'm actually
really excited about something.
262
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,433
Well, believe me, Al,
I am the expert on this.
263
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,315
Wait about 30 seconds,
you won't be anymore.
264
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:18,149
Well, Peg, I'm not gonna beg for it.
It's my money, and I demand it.
265
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:24,597
Peg, I'm begging you for it.
Now, Peg, give me my money.
266
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,995
All right, fine. We'll have a vote.
267
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,838
Who doesn't want me
to have my money?
268
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:34,876
Now, that hurt, Charlene.
269
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:38,630
All right, I now know
what I have to do.
270
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,234
Oh, Al, you're so cute.
271
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:51,149
You're gonna try to earn it
by having sex with me.
272
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,111
No, Peg. Nope.
Gonna take my pants off...
273
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,197
...get a lawn chair...
274
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,915
...and sit in my underwear
over at your college.
275
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,274
Tell everybody I'm your father.
276
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:09,353
And then I'm gonna go to your diner,
where you work. Pull up my Hanes.
277
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,994
Tell them all I'm your father.
278
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,233
Then I'm gonna go prancing
around your beauty parlour.
279
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:19,228
Oh, and did I mention, by then
I won't be wearing any underwear?
280
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,273
And then, just for the heck of it...
281
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,710
...l'm gonna have
a big sign that says:
282
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,115
"I've been using the Abdomenizer
two years...
283
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,356
...and this is what I look like."
284
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,835
Now let's vote.
285
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,678
Who wants Daddy to get his money?
286
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,231
I knew you were
all behind me.
287
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,000
Now, Peg, help me out here.
What time is it?
288
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,753
Time to buy an Abdomenizer.
289
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,712
- It's 6:30, honey.
- All right, 6:30. That's fine. All right.
290
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:01,956
Stores are closed.
I have to go tomorrow.
291
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,720
Fine. Might be another buyer.
I have to get there early.
292
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,394
This is going to be the biggest day
of my life. Peg...
293
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,956
...the only thing you have to do, honey:
Make sure I wake up at 8:00.
294
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,636
- Can you do that for me, baby?
- I'll do it for you, baby.
295
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:19,911
You know, Charlene was really right
about this Abdomenizer thing.
296
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,671
It does work.
297
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,317
Peg?
298
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:32,548
Peg, thanks for waking me
right on time.
299
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,559
You know, it's 4:00 in the afternoon.
300
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:40,078
Well, honey, if I could handle
responsibility, I'd have a job.
301
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,597
Great, no harm done.
302
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:47,715
I called to see if they sold the place
without me and they did.
303
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:49,797
They sold it this morning.
How about that?
304
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,833
Well, who cares?
It was just a life dream.
305
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,036
You know what?
Next time you have a dream...
306
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,198
...let me know about it.
I'll wake you up.
307
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,708
But, you know, the guy also bought
my old shoe store.
308
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,912
So, you know, it's hard to find a guy
with 20 years' experience...
309
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:08,112
...who will work for minimum wage,
so I got my old job back.
310
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,915
Oh, yay, Daddy.
311
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,234
Well, at least the slow one is trying.
312
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,797
But you'll all be rejoicing
pretty soon.
313
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,592
Because I have $6000...
314
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,917
...and I'm going to invest it
for the future of my family.
315
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:27,234
Six thousand dollars worth
of lottery tickets, Dad?
316
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,870
- Think winner, son.
- We've just been handed a bulletin.
317
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,674
We have a winner in this week's
Illinois State Lottery.
318
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,030
The winner lives right here
in the Chicago area.
319
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:42,159
And who more deserving to win
the $60 million...
320
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:46,512
...than the lowest form of human life,
a shoe salesman.
321
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,429
- AI, I think it's you.
- It's me. It's me. I know it's me.
322
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,598
I know at last an American
can dare to dream.
323
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,631
And the winner is...
324
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,916
...Habib, Habib, Habib.
325
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,228
Hey, Dad.
I got a seven and an eight.
326
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:16,274
I think we won $5!
Five dollars!
26115
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