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1
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,791
Every time I have a panic attack,
2
00:03:16,875 --> 00:03:20,583
it feels like I’m a bag of marbles
that someone stole
3
00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:23,041
and dropped while running off.
4
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:31,000
For me to function, the marbles
need to be brought together,
5
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:35,666
but that’s not an easy task.
6
00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:41,000
This is me having a panic attack.
7
00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:45,416
My heart races. I can’t breathe.
I think I’m gonna die.
8
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:51,083
Like something is broken inside of me
and I have to fix it, but I can't.
9
00:03:54,041 --> 00:03:56,958
My first panic attack happened
at the Congonhas Airport.
10
00:03:57,041 --> 00:04:00,458
I was traveling solo,
my deodorant had expired.
11
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,625
And then I realized
we are all going to die.
12
00:04:03,708 --> 00:04:06,000
That couple in front of me
was going to die.
13
00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:08,916
My mom was going to die,
I was going to die.
14
00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:12,875
Actually, my first panic attack
was at a friend’s party.
15
00:04:12,958 --> 00:04:16,958
Playing hide-an-seek, I hid so well
that no one found me.
16
00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:20,500
And I realized that my friend,
her parents and all of our friends
17
00:04:20,583 --> 00:04:22,458
could celebrate life without me.
18
00:04:23,791 --> 00:04:26,958
Actually, my first panic attack
was at a house party.
19
00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:30,500
I spent all evening trying
to work out how to get home.
20
00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:37,125
Actually, it was at
my 30th birthday party.
21
00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:40,208
I was going to meet my friends
at this trendy bar.
22
00:04:40,291 --> 00:04:45,083
I look at all those people
and said: "no".
23
00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:48,166
I was the only one absent
from my own birthday party.
24
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:53,000
Actually, my first panic attack
happened when I was 17,
25
00:04:53,083 --> 00:04:55,958
when I tried to have sex
for the first time.
26
00:04:56,041 --> 00:04:57,416
Dani?
27
00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:00,166
Actually, it was when I was 18,
28
00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:04,000
and was trying to have sex
for the first time again.
29
00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:05,708
Dani!
30
00:05:07,791 --> 00:05:09,375
Actually, it was when I was 20,
31
00:05:09,458 --> 00:05:11,500
when I finally
had sex for the first time,
32
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:13,458
in a hospital with
a doctor boyfriend I had.
33
00:05:13,541 --> 00:05:16,458
If anything happened,
I was already at the hospital.
34
00:05:16,875 --> 00:05:20,500
I’m scared of the sink, the tiles,
the steps, the sidewalks,
35
00:05:20,583 --> 00:05:24,166
the creatures that get up in the morning
and carry on with their lives.
36
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:28,333
I feel sorry for my peeled off
nail polish, my old socks...
37
00:05:28,416 --> 00:05:30,791
I want to cry because
I’m an only daughter
38
00:05:30,875 --> 00:05:34,125
and I shouldn’t have left
my parents’ home.
39
00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:37,666
What if they need me?
What will they do?
40
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:39,291
What will I do?
41
00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:42,416
I want to be able
to leave the house,
42
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:44,041
to work,
43
00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:45,458
to travel,
44
00:05:45,541 --> 00:05:46,875
to get married,
45
00:05:46,958 --> 00:05:48,958
to have kids.
46
00:05:49,041 --> 00:05:50,833
I want to not to have to lie.
47
00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:54,833
- But you don’t need a passport.
- She forgot her passport and ID.
48
00:05:54,916 --> 00:05:57,625
- That's so you. You're a piece of work.
- I know.
49
00:05:57,708 --> 00:06:00,833
I can’t believe you’re going to
do this to me, Dani!
50
00:06:00,916 --> 00:06:05,833
I don't know what to do.
I had them out, but I forgot.
51
00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:09,333
We could get a courier.
Ask your mom to bring them.
52
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:14,041
I didn't want
to say anything, but
53
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:16,291
my mom’s in the hospital
54
00:06:17,708 --> 00:06:19,000
with labyrinthitis.
55
00:06:26,416 --> 00:06:28,000
I'm sorry, Mari.
56
00:06:28,541 --> 00:06:30,250
I'm sorry.
57
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:35,500
Anyway, I want to be an adult,
to function like one,
58
00:06:35,583 --> 00:06:37,750
and to have a normal life.
59
00:06:37,833 --> 00:06:40,416
But I love too much.
I feel too much.
60
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,791
I suffer too much.
61
00:06:46,416 --> 00:06:50,958
I grew up in Tatuapé, a neighborhood
on the east side of São Paulo.
62
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:54,875
My parents got divorced
when I was a kid.
63
00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:56,583
I stayed with my mom.
64
00:06:56,666 --> 00:07:00,375
We kept Tula
and my dad kept Babinha.
65
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:06,250
My granddad cleaned everything
with vinegar, so I wouldn’t get sick.
66
00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:10,083
A child well taken care of
doesn’t get sick.
67
00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:14,791
Sometimes he would have “the thing”
and wanted to be left alone.
68
00:07:17,208 --> 00:07:20,791
It’s just “the thing”.
It’s nothing. He’ll be fine soon.
69
00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:29,500
My grandma said no to being
a bridesmaid at my uncle’s wedding
70
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:33,708
because she thought she would want
to pee halfway through the ceremony.
71
00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:39,083
- My mom has separation anxiety.
- Baby! Come back!
72
00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:42,791
- You don’t have to go to school today.
- Oh, mom!
73
00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:44,875
Okay. Go, go, go.
74
00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:46,916
Go on, baby.
Have fun at school.
75
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,541
Give me a kiss.
Mommy loves you.
76
00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:52,250
Me?
77
00:07:53,041 --> 00:07:55,291
I was a normal child.
78
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,083
- What is it, baby? What?
- What happened?
79
00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:04,750
I found a cockroach’s leg
on my chips!
80
00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:08,291
That’s not a cockroach,
it’s just a chip!
81
00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:11,041
It's not! It’s a cockroach!
82
00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:14,041
Dani...
Come back here...
83
00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:15,875
It’s silliness.
84
00:08:15,958 --> 00:08:20,333
Leave the girl alone.
Sometimes the chips burn
85
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,875
and it looks like
a cockroach’s leg.
86
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:29,166
- It’s a cockroach!
- It isn't! It's just rice!
87
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:30,791
I don't know what to do, mom.
88
00:08:30,875 --> 00:08:34,000
The other day she said
she swallowed the dog.
89
00:08:34,083 --> 00:08:37,125
She's got a problem.
We need to fix her.
90
00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:39,875
Leave the girl alone.
She's fine.
91
00:08:39,958 --> 00:08:44,166
Look at that little scientist.
She's perfectly normal.
92
00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:49,500
It’s a cockroach!
93
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:53,125
My mom could've taken me
to a doctor, a psychologist,
94
00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:56,291
but obviously,
she had a better idea.
95
00:08:58,708 --> 00:09:00,458
Turn around.
96
00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:07,375
Let's see your arm.
97
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:13,541
If the left arm is longer,
there’s a knot on her gut.
98
00:09:20,958 --> 00:09:22,625
I don’t know what it is.
99
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,541
Mrs. Zulmira will know.
100
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,166
What's going on, mom?
101
00:10:19,958 --> 00:10:22,041
What are you doing to me, mom?
102
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:28,375
What the fucking fuck is this
fucked up thing you’re doing to me?
103
00:10:35,208 --> 00:10:37,000
You know I’m just
afraid of the dark, right?
104
00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:40,416
It’s normal for a child.
There’s nothing wrong with me.
105
00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:45,250
- Mom! Mom!
- I’ll be traumatized!
106
00:10:48,208 --> 00:10:49,458
Mom!
107
00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:54,208
- Mom!
- Mom!
108
00:10:57,083 --> 00:10:59,083
It’s sadness.
109
00:10:59,666 --> 00:11:02,041
She’s very, very, sad.
110
00:11:03,375 --> 00:11:07,541
It wasn’t sadness. I was just afraid of
finding a cockroach in my food.
111
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:10,875
Sadness I felt
when I went to Praia Preta.
112
00:11:11,791 --> 00:11:16,583
I had graduated and was working
at a big ad agency in the city
113
00:11:16,666 --> 00:11:19,375
I was renting an apartment,
across the street from my mom's,
114
00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:23,833
- who took it very well.
- Just because you've abandoned me
115
00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:28,291
- I'm not going to let you starve.
- Mom, it's okay.
116
00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:31,166
And I was dating Kadu.
117
00:11:33,041 --> 00:11:34,750
Listen, baby,
118
00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:37,958
the guys want to go to
Praia Preta for New Year's Eve.
119
00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:39,500
- Shall we?
- Really?
120
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:42,708
Going to Praia Preta
on New Year’s Eve would be tough.
121
00:11:42,791 --> 00:11:46,583
First, Praia Preta
was 3 hours away from home,
122
00:11:46,666 --> 00:11:49,291
which could become 9 hours
on New Year’s Eve,
123
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,041
or 12, or…
124
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:54,666
Who came up
with this stupid idea?
125
00:11:55,541 --> 00:11:59,208
Also, my mom would spend NYE
alone with our dog,
126
00:11:59,291 --> 00:12:02,750
and my dad would spend it
alone with his dog.
127
00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:05,875
And I’d be in a party
feeling out of place,
128
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:09,333
and thinking of ways
to get home.
129
00:12:09,416 --> 00:12:14,250
I needed a plan B, C, D, E...
130
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:18,208
I need a taxi on call
in case I want to go home.
131
00:12:18,291 --> 00:12:20,416
I’m off, lady.
It’s New Year’s Eve.
132
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:26,750
I understand, but my mom is
in the hospital, being checked.
133
00:12:27,958 --> 00:12:31,000
If it’s serious,
I might have to rush back.
134
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,875
It could be in the middle of the night,
or around lunchtime.
135
00:12:33,958 --> 00:12:35,958
It could be as soon as I get there.
136
00:12:36,041 --> 00:12:38,101
Like, I arrive in the morning
and leave in the afternoon.
137
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:41,458
It could be on the 1st,
or even the 30th.
138
00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:42,809
The minute before the new year,
I don't know.
139
00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,875
If you can't do it,
get me someone who can.
140
00:12:44,958 --> 00:12:50,208
- I’ll pay 500 reais.
- 500? I’ve got you.
141
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:52,833
Please do not leave me
hanging, Mr. Jerônimo.
142
00:12:52,916 --> 00:12:54,958
I won’t, miss.
Don’t worry.
143
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,392
I understand. I have a sick father.
I’ll send you a text now,
144
00:12:57,416 --> 00:13:01,791
- so we can keep in touch.
- Thank you, Mr. Jerônimo.
145
00:13:01,875 --> 00:13:04,208
Okay. Speak later.
146
00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:09,875
I could go.
147
00:13:09,958 --> 00:13:11,791
But why did I want to?
148
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,833
- Take this, Dani.
- No.
149
00:13:13,916 --> 00:13:15,625
Take it.
What if you don’t like the food?
150
00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:18,958
- Do you have sunscreen? A jacket?
- Don’t make me more anxious.
151
00:13:19,041 --> 00:13:21,583
- What about your yellow fever shot?
- It's all done, mom.
152
00:13:21,666 --> 00:13:23,267
What about bug repellent?
There's dengue. Zika
153
00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:25,375
If you’re pregnant, it could be dangerous.
154
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,041
Mom! I'm not pregnant!
155
00:13:27,125 --> 00:13:32,666
- I love you so much, so much.
- Me too.
156
00:13:32,750 --> 00:13:35,000
- I love you too, mom.
- You shouldn’t go.
157
00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:36,625
- Stop it!
- It's going to rain.
158
00:13:36,708 --> 00:13:37,916
It's not, it's super sunny.
159
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,000
It's dangerous to drive this time of year.
160
00:13:41,083 --> 00:13:44,375
Or any time really, this is Brazil.
161
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:47,000
- I want grandchildren!
- Stop it, mom...
162
00:13:47,083 --> 00:13:48,166
But not just yet.
163
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:52,500
Don’t worry, Ms. Sílvia,
she’s in good hands.
164
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,958
Have fun.
I want you to be happy.
165
00:13:57,041 --> 00:14:00,541
Don’t you dare think about
how you abandoned me here by myself.
166
00:14:00,625 --> 00:14:04,291
Have a great time.
I love you, baby. Give me kisses.
167
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:06,625
- So much motherly love.
- Love you!
168
00:14:06,708 --> 00:14:09,750
I hate to admit it,
but my mom was right.
169
00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:13,833
I'm terrified of getting dengue,
I hate what other people cook,
170
00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:16,184
if the car's moving, I'm scared
of getting into an accident,
171
00:14:16,208 --> 00:14:18,708
if there's traffic,
I get claustrophobic.
172
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,500
And, obviously, it started to rain.
173
00:14:23,041 --> 00:14:28,708
90 km, pass the highway.
Tunnel. Nove de Julho Avenue.
174
00:14:28,791 --> 00:14:30,166
What's that?
175
00:14:31,916 --> 00:14:33,458
Nothing.
176
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:37,916
- I’m just worried.
- No. No, no.
177
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,333
Don’t be, baby.
I'm sure they’ll love you.
178
00:14:42,416 --> 00:14:44,958
Why are you worried?
179
00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:47,708
That my mom will die.
That my dad will die.
180
00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:52,666
Sorry, I didn’t know they were sick.
Your mom seemed fine…
181
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:58,291
They’re not.
They’re fine, but…
182
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,708
They’re gonna die some day,
won't they?
183
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:04,791
I’m gonna die.
You’re gonna die.
184
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:06,791
You will die one day.
185
00:15:07,125 --> 00:15:09,750
Everyone we love’s gonna die.
186
00:15:13,833 --> 00:15:16,125
What if I have to go back?
187
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:18,916
What will we do?
We're stuck here.
188
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,583
There’s traffic.
There’s always traffic.
189
00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:25,583
There are too many cars.
There are too many people.
190
00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:28,791
I want to go home.
191
00:15:29,208 --> 00:15:32,125
Damn, I want to go home.
Can you take me home?
192
00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:35,250
Take me home now.
I want to go home! I want to go!
193
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,833
- I want to go now!
- Calm down, calm down.
194
00:15:37,916 --> 00:15:40,500
Take me home!
Take me home now!
195
00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:42,875
I need to go home!
I have to go home now!
196
00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:46,166
I have to go home!
Home!
197
00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:52,666
Home!
198
00:15:55,791 --> 00:15:59,083
There are so many cars.
199
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:02,250
There are so many people.
200
00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:05,541
Yeah...
201
00:16:06,458 --> 00:16:08,416
Do you want to go home?
202
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:10,625
Will you take me home?
203
00:16:12,583 --> 00:16:15,791
If you want to, baby, of course.
204
00:16:19,541 --> 00:16:22,250
No.
Let’s go to the beach.
205
00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:46,226
It worked, didn’t it?
I managed to do a backside aerial.
206
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,583
So sick.
207
00:16:48,666 --> 00:16:51,875
I was going to love them,
and they would love me.
208
00:16:51,958 --> 00:16:56,000
It was obvious.
We had so much in common.
209
00:16:56,625 --> 00:16:59,416
- You work with Kadu, right?
- Yeah, I do.
210
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,583
What I really want
is to publish a book.
211
00:17:03,666 --> 00:17:07,500
I sent an article to Trip Magazine
and I'm waiting for a reply.
212
00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:09,291
That's cool.
213
00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:11,666
Go on, Kadu, tell them.
214
00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:14,416
- It's nothing...
- Go on, Kadu. Say it.
215
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,333
Leave it, leave it...
216
00:17:16,416 --> 00:17:19,750
So, what time of day
do you feel the most anxious?
217
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:23,250
- Excuse me?
- For me, it’s the morning.
218
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:26,458
When I'm in bed...
I mean, any time really,
219
00:17:26,541 --> 00:17:28,916
but some days, I’m just like:
’Ten more minutes’,
220
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:33,166
but then it’s already 10:30 am
and you haven't done anything.
221
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:36,708
I'm in advertising,
but I want to be a writer.
222
00:17:37,458 --> 00:17:40,166
- And what do you do?
- I work with Kadu.
223
00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:42,083
That's right, you told me.
224
00:17:42,541 --> 00:17:44,791
Kadu, your girlfriend
is such a character.
225
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:48,375
She is, isn’t she?
I knew you would like her.
226
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:51,625
I told you
you would like this cutie pie.
227
00:17:51,708 --> 00:17:54,708
- Tell me you're loving it here.
- I am. So cool.
228
00:17:54,791 --> 00:17:56,875
- This is great.
- But listen,
229
00:17:56,958 --> 00:17:59,000
I want to talk about Jamaiquinha.
230
00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:01,833
- Jamaiquinha!
- Not this again...
231
00:18:01,916 --> 00:18:04,416
All I wanted was
to care about Jamaiquinha,
232
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,333
or if the wind was coming
from the east or west
233
00:18:07,416 --> 00:18:10,208
but all I could think about
was the traffic on the way back,
234
00:18:10,291 --> 00:18:12,726
if I would ever be able to get
on a plane without sweaty palms,
235
00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:14,517
to eat a hot dog on the street,
to be promoted,
236
00:18:14,541 --> 00:18:17,458
have a normal conversation,
grow old with someone who loves me,
237
00:18:17,541 --> 00:18:20,583
if my parents were dying
at that exact moment.
238
00:18:25,166 --> 00:18:29,500
Everything went well.
My dad, my mom, no one died.
239
00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:33,916
And I ‘enjoyed’
the rest of the party.
240
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,750
Have you seen Dani?
There’s one minute left.
241
00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:48,208
- Your girlfriend is such a character.
- Let's go to the beach.
242
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:50,125
She might be there.
Come on.
243
00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:53,500
Dani!
Where are you, Dani?
244
00:18:53,583 --> 00:18:56,708
- Let's go, Kadu!
- Come on, guys!
245
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,750
Dani!
246
00:19:16,541 --> 00:19:20,166
I can’t take this anymore, mom.
247
00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:26,000
I don't want it.
248
00:19:33,958 --> 00:19:38,000
You have vasovagal syncope
and it causes you to faint.
249
00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:42,500
- I don’t faint, Dr. Guido.
- I see.
250
00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:45,083
I'll show you.
251
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,708
The oxygen doesn’t
properly reach your brain.
252
00:19:49,791 --> 00:19:52,916
You feel dizzy,
your pressure drops
253
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,375
and your body faints
so it can go back to normal.
254
00:19:56,458 --> 00:19:59,125
I don’t faint, Dr. Guido.
255
00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:05,333
Take two pills a day
and come back in a month.
256
00:20:05,416 --> 00:20:08,250
You will thank me,
I can assure you.
257
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,916
The beta-blocker keeps
your heart from racing.
258
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:14,625
So you can run
without feeling a thing.
259
00:20:15,875 --> 00:20:17,666
Work without feeling a thing.
260
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,041
Have sex
without feeling a thing.
261
00:20:21,125 --> 00:20:24,166
Hi, Dani. This is João Mitre
from Trip Magazine.
262
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:26,750
Have you ever considered
writing a monthly column?
263
00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:29,625
Even get the most amazing news
that you were waiting for
264
00:20:29,708 --> 00:20:31,541
without feeling a thing?
265
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:37,250
I understand your frustration,
but that’s normal.
266
00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:40,166
No, it isn't normal.
267
00:20:40,250 --> 00:20:43,208
I wish people would stop saying
that this is normal.
268
00:20:43,291 --> 00:20:45,125
Normal is feeling alive.
269
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:47,208
You have dysautonomia.
270
00:20:47,291 --> 00:20:50,583
Your sympathetic nervous system,
which accelerates your heart rate,
271
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:55,333
and your parasympathetic system,
which slows it down,
272
00:20:55,416 --> 00:20:57,000
are not working together.
273
00:20:57,083 --> 00:20:59,500
That’s why you feel dizzy
and pass out.
274
00:20:59,833 --> 00:21:02,875
Let’s do a tilt table test.
275
00:21:06,791 --> 00:21:12,083
But I don’t pass out,
Dr. Fucking Guido!
276
00:21:12,166 --> 00:21:14,666
I clean the house
if I eat too many sweets,
277
00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:19,416
but doing that makes me
feel worse, so I eat more sweets.
278
00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:22,708
I water the plants
eight times before I travel,
279
00:21:22,791 --> 00:21:24,916
because, if I die, no one will.
280
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,750
But I end up missing my flight
because I take too long doing it.
281
00:21:28,833 --> 00:21:33,916
Do you understand that
I don’t pass out, Dr. Fucking Guido!
282
00:21:36,291 --> 00:21:37,583
That's fine.
283
00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:40,833
Thank you.
284
00:21:40,916 --> 00:21:43,333
I never took that thing again.
285
00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:47,375
I went to all sorts of doctors.
286
00:21:47,875 --> 00:21:50,250
Tell me about your problem.
287
00:21:53,958 --> 00:21:57,666
I felt sick in the supermarket
the other day.
288
00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:01,708
I was looking for melons,
289
00:22:01,791 --> 00:22:05,416
and then I realized
I don’t even like melon.
290
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:11,458
Such a harmless
and refreshing fruit.
291
00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:14,666
That made me upset.
292
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:19,958
I got really sad, so I started
looking at the people around me.
293
00:22:21,208 --> 00:22:23,041
I’m never gonna get married,
294
00:22:23,125 --> 00:22:26,541
never gonna have kids,
never gonna grow old with someone.
295
00:22:26,625 --> 00:22:28,833
And I want someone.
296
00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:32,291
I want someone,
but I can’t even leave the house.
297
00:22:34,750 --> 00:22:39,625
You have to stop your thoughts.
They are intrusive.
298
00:22:39,708 --> 00:22:42,500
They’re not truthful.
299
00:22:42,958 --> 00:22:45,333
The mind doesn’t mind.
300
00:22:47,125 --> 00:22:51,416
Yes, that's what she said:
the mind doesn’t mind.
301
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:54,875
For years, I tried all sorts
of recommendations.
302
00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:57,333
I know a great psychoanalyst,
Dr. Zedro.
303
00:22:57,416 --> 00:23:00,500
I've already seen him.
I tried everything:
304
00:23:00,583 --> 00:23:04,375
Freud, Neo-Freud, Jung, Neo-Jung,
Lacan, CBT, Transpersonal…
305
00:23:04,458 --> 00:23:07,017
I went to one where everything I said
I was feeling, he was feeling too.
306
00:23:07,041 --> 00:23:09,208
‘I felt like dying’, ‘me too’.
307
00:23:09,291 --> 00:23:11,333
’I was waiting for a call’,
‘I’ve been there’.
308
00:23:11,416 --> 00:23:15,000
- ‘I’m PMSing’, ‘me too’.
- Have you been to the Itaim monk?
309
00:23:15,083 --> 00:23:16,916
There's a monk in Itaim?
310
00:23:17,541 --> 00:23:19,916
The only mystical thing in Itaim
was that monk,
311
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,750
who had a posh car and
was dating two of his followers,
312
00:23:22,833 --> 00:23:25,375
a 19-year-old and a 22-year-old.
313
00:23:27,375 --> 00:23:29,208
And those people...
314
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:32,208
They didn’t come looking
for some inner peace,
315
00:23:32,291 --> 00:23:36,333
they just wanted a place to nap
to have a nap.
316
00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:40,708
Someone recommended
Family Constellation Therapy.
317
00:23:40,791 --> 00:23:42,208
It was wonderful.
318
00:23:42,291 --> 00:23:46,583
A bunch of cushions
represented your whole family
319
00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:48,750
Talk to your family.
320
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:53,750
Tell them:
‘I am me. You are you’.
321
00:23:57,625 --> 00:24:01,500
‘I am me. You are you.’
322
00:24:01,833 --> 00:24:06,083
‘I don’t want to have to carry
your baggage
323
00:24:06,166 --> 00:24:09,750
full of frustration and paranoia.’
324
00:24:10,583 --> 00:24:16,958
‘I don’t want to carry your baggage
full of frustration and paranoia.’
325
00:24:17,041 --> 00:24:21,250
Tell me how you feel
about this cushion.
326
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,916
It reminds me
of my great-aunt, Cidinha.
327
00:24:28,708 --> 00:24:32,083
She had hepatitis and her skin tone
never went back to normal.
328
00:24:32,166 --> 00:24:35,250
Listen, girl, this won’t work
if you’re being cynical.
329
00:24:35,333 --> 00:24:39,208
- I’m not being cynical.
- Is your life good?
330
00:24:39,291 --> 00:24:41,291
- Is it working?
- No, but…
331
00:24:41,375 --> 00:24:43,583
- It’s shit, right? Do you take drugs?
- No...
332
00:24:43,666 --> 00:24:46,291
- And therapy? Lacan, Jung…
- Yeah...
333
00:24:46,375 --> 00:24:48,208
Did you take it seriously?
334
00:24:48,583 --> 00:24:49,875
- I did.
- Did it work?
335
00:24:49,958 --> 00:24:52,291
- No.
- You came all the way here,
336
00:24:52,375 --> 00:24:54,000
so have some respect.
337
00:24:54,708 --> 00:24:57,166
Okay. I'm sorry.
I will.
338
00:24:58,583 --> 00:25:03,250
Forget it.
You don’t want to feel better.
339
00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:06,375
You’re scared of change
and that includes healing.
340
00:25:06,458 --> 00:25:08,875
You’re too comfortable
in your own misery.
341
00:25:08,958 --> 00:25:10,375
What are you talking about?
342
00:25:10,875 --> 00:25:13,666
Let's all open
our solar plexus...
343
00:25:13,750 --> 00:25:15,625
Comfortable my ass.
344
00:25:15,708 --> 00:25:20,291
Would I be dancing with the trees
if I didn’t want to get better?
345
00:25:20,375 --> 00:25:24,000
Without saying a word,
let’s all visualize “the thing”.
346
00:25:24,083 --> 00:25:26,208
Are you visualizing it?
347
00:25:26,291 --> 00:25:30,250
Now, let’s all give
“the thing” a hug.
348
00:25:30,333 --> 00:25:33,916
Hug away. Don’t be afraid.
349
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:38,750
Now, turn to your buddy.
350
00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:42,916
Now hug your buddy
like you mean it.
351
00:25:43,458 --> 00:25:46,083
- That's it. So beautiful.
- Hey.
352
00:25:46,166 --> 00:25:47,791
So deep and honest.
353
00:25:47,875 --> 00:25:50,166
That's it, with the whole body.
354
00:25:50,250 --> 00:25:54,250
You're on the same vibration,
that's it.
355
00:25:54,958 --> 00:25:59,375
Now, hug your buddy's thing.
That's it.
356
00:25:59,458 --> 00:26:03,958
Now let’s dance
to our buddy’s thing.
357
00:26:04,041 --> 00:26:06,750
Go on, dance.
At your own pace, that's it.
358
00:26:06,833 --> 00:26:09,583
Attention now, guys.
359
00:26:09,666 --> 00:26:13,750
I would like you to choose
a single animal
360
00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:18,166
because I want you
to turn into that animal.
361
00:26:18,250 --> 00:26:21,708
Sync your vibrations
with the earth and the wildness.
362
00:26:21,791 --> 00:26:26,291
Lie down, jump,
turn into a monkey.
363
00:26:27,833 --> 00:26:31,166
A lion! A dog!
364
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,916
I want to see animals!
That's it!
365
00:26:39,791 --> 00:26:41,041
Hi.
366
00:26:41,125 --> 00:26:43,541
- I'm sorry!
- Shit.
367
00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:46,750
- Open the window.
- I can't.
368
00:26:47,458 --> 00:26:49,541
- Open the window.
- I can't do it.
369
00:26:53,791 --> 00:26:56,625
- Hi.
- Hi. Sorry, I can’t give you a ride.
370
00:26:56,708 --> 00:26:59,333
No, I’m driving.
It’s just that you looked scared.
371
00:26:59,416 --> 00:27:01,375
- Well...
- I get it.
372
00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:03,875
All that shouting and shaking
to get rid of it was a bit…
373
00:27:03,958 --> 00:27:05,250
A bit?
374
00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:08,541
Look, I know you’re gonna think
I’m nuts because we met here…
375
00:27:08,625 --> 00:27:11,875
Actually, we haven’t met yet.
I’m Gilberto. Nice to meet you.
376
00:27:12,750 --> 00:27:16,333
- Dani.
- So, Dani, you’re gonna think I'm nuts
377
00:27:16,416 --> 00:27:20,833
because we met here,
but don’t forget you’re also here.
378
00:27:20,916 --> 00:27:24,333
- And why are you telling me this?
- I want to ask you out.
379
00:27:26,625 --> 00:27:28,416
And I want you to say ‘yes’.
380
00:27:29,625 --> 00:27:32,875
And do you think I want to go out
with someone as crazy as me?
381
00:27:33,750 --> 00:27:36,500
No, I’m not as crazy as you.
382
00:27:37,250 --> 00:27:40,458
You're here to dance,
I'm a psychotherapist.
383
00:27:40,541 --> 00:27:41,625
- Sure.
- Yeah.
384
00:27:41,708 --> 00:27:44,392
Some of my patients came to this
and I wanted to understand it better.
385
00:27:44,416 --> 00:27:46,101
So instead of paying attention to
the class,
386
00:27:46,125 --> 00:27:48,500
you were checking out the students.
387
00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:52,875
- Wow, that's bad.
- Not all the students,
388
00:27:53,250 --> 00:27:54,666
just you.
389
00:27:57,291 --> 00:27:59,125
And what do you do?
390
00:28:00,041 --> 00:28:01,392
- I work with advertising.
- You're a dentist.
391
00:28:01,416 --> 00:28:02,750
No.
392
00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:05,541
But I like to write.
393
00:28:05,625 --> 00:28:09,166
I do write.
I have a column in Trip Magazine.
394
00:28:09,250 --> 00:28:10,750
- No way.
- It's true.
395
00:28:10,833 --> 00:28:12,333
Really?
396
00:28:12,875 --> 00:28:15,791
- What’s it about?
- Myself.
397
00:28:15,875 --> 00:28:19,000
I write about myself,
it’s therapeutic.
398
00:28:20,125 --> 00:28:22,166
And how can I read
one of those columns?
399
00:28:23,958 --> 00:28:25,916
I might have a copy at home.
400
00:29:29,208 --> 00:29:30,916
Gilberto?
401
00:29:38,958 --> 00:29:40,625
Gilberto?
402
00:29:46,625 --> 00:29:47,708
Gilberto?
403
00:29:49,291 --> 00:29:52,333
- What's wrong, Gilberto?
- My dad.
404
00:29:52,416 --> 00:29:54,208
My dad’s gonna die.
405
00:29:54,291 --> 00:29:57,125
- My god, what happened?
- No, nothing happened.
406
00:29:57,208 --> 00:30:01,166
- Is he sick?
- No, he’s fine, but
407
00:30:03,458 --> 00:30:06,250
he's going to die some day.
408
00:30:06,333 --> 00:30:08,958
And we can't know when, can we?
No one can.
409
00:30:09,041 --> 00:30:14,000
I don’t know,
I feel vulnerable…
410
00:30:15,083 --> 00:30:18,166
Just because I'm a man,
a psychotherapist,
411
00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:20,208
it doesn’t mean that
I don’t have feelings.
412
00:30:23,750 --> 00:30:25,416
You're beautiful.
413
00:30:41,750 --> 00:30:44,708
- My dad...
- I know, I know.
414
00:30:48,166 --> 00:30:51,916
Having sex with a nice guy
is good.
415
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:56,166
But having sex with a crazy guy
is why sex was invented.
416
00:30:56,250 --> 00:30:59,083
The rest is
lovey-dovey-baby-making.
417
00:31:10,750 --> 00:31:12,125
Good morning.
418
00:31:12,875 --> 00:31:14,625
Good morning.
419
00:31:16,916 --> 00:31:19,000
I hope you don’t mind
420
00:31:19,083 --> 00:31:22,375
but I woke up early
and went to the bakery
421
00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:24,291
to get some...
422
00:31:27,583 --> 00:31:30,083
fresh bread
and made some coffee.
423
00:31:30,583 --> 00:31:34,208
Wow, fresh bread and everything...
424
00:31:36,125 --> 00:31:38,333
This coffee is nice.
425
00:31:38,416 --> 00:31:40,083
I mean it.
426
00:31:40,625 --> 00:31:43,791
- I loved your column!
- You scared me.
427
00:31:43,875 --> 00:31:45,750
- So you read it?
- Holy shit!
428
00:31:46,500 --> 00:31:51,958
- What's a tilt table test?
- It's like a medieval torture device.
429
00:31:52,041 --> 00:31:55,125
They strap you to a table,
turn you upside down,
430
00:31:55,208 --> 00:32:00,458
and give you some sort
of legalized MDMA.
431
00:32:00,541 --> 00:32:05,000
- It's awful.
- You, strapped to a table?
432
00:32:05,083 --> 00:32:08,500
- It's giving me some ideas.
- Really?
433
00:32:08,583 --> 00:32:10,333
What ideas?
434
00:32:14,916 --> 00:32:18,666
Dani, I have to tell you something
that’s unfair for you not to know.
435
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:26,041
- Shit. Are you married? You are.
- No, that’s not it.
436
00:32:26,125 --> 00:32:27,375
STD?
437
00:32:27,458 --> 00:32:29,041
- Are you sick?
- No, I'm not.
438
00:32:29,125 --> 00:32:31,208
- Because that's not right.
- That's not it.
439
00:32:31,291 --> 00:32:33,166
- It's something else.
- That's fucked up.
440
00:32:33,250 --> 00:32:35,125
I know, but I'm not sick.
441
00:32:36,375 --> 00:32:38,958
I might have given you
the wrong impression at the dance thing.
442
00:32:42,833 --> 00:32:45,000
I’m just as crazy as anyone there.
443
00:32:46,500 --> 00:32:48,416
Perhaps even more so.
444
00:32:48,500 --> 00:32:51,458
I have a million problems,
a million habits.
445
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,541
I don’t want to hurt you.
446
00:32:56,625 --> 00:32:58,458
It's fine, relax.
447
00:32:58,541 --> 00:33:00,375
It's okay.
448
00:33:00,458 --> 00:33:04,833
- It's okay, we went out once.
- But it won't be the last time.
449
00:33:06,708 --> 00:33:08,166
No.
450
00:33:08,250 --> 00:33:09,625
Dani, listen to me,
451
00:33:10,083 --> 00:33:14,208
I’m not gonna solve your problems
and you’re not gonna solve mine.
452
00:33:14,291 --> 00:33:18,458
It’s good that you know that
and that I hear myself say it.
453
00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:23,625
You’re so weird.
454
00:33:24,791 --> 00:33:26,208
I know.
455
00:33:30,125 --> 00:33:31,583
I have to go.
456
00:33:37,750 --> 00:33:40,666
You’re very talented.
457
00:33:42,583 --> 00:33:44,375
Thank you.
458
00:33:45,458 --> 00:33:48,416
And I loved
getting to know you better.
459
00:33:50,833 --> 00:33:52,625
Me too.
460
00:34:42,875 --> 00:34:44,625
You're not going to throw up.
461
00:34:45,625 --> 00:34:47,500
You're not going to throw up.
462
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:49,250
Don't throw up.
463
00:34:49,333 --> 00:34:52,666
I haven't thrown up
since I was 16.
464
00:34:52,750 --> 00:34:55,208
Grandma made some cabbage rolls.
465
00:34:55,291 --> 00:34:58,458
I thought they were
tasty, and light.
466
00:34:58,541 --> 00:35:03,000
And, on a Sunday afternoon
watching TV on the couch,
467
00:35:03,083 --> 00:35:07,500
I ate about twenty of them.
Twenty.
468
00:35:23,333 --> 00:35:25,875
- What's wrong, darling?
- Mom...
469
00:35:25,958 --> 00:35:29,583
- I’m going to die!
- You ate too much, baby.
470
00:35:29,666 --> 00:35:32,583
It’s fine. You just ate too much.
471
00:35:32,916 --> 00:35:35,958
Always too much.
472
00:35:36,916 --> 00:35:41,000
I made a deal with my body then.
I would never throw up again.
473
00:35:41,083 --> 00:35:43,458
Because my body feels sick
when I’m too anxious,
474
00:35:43,541 --> 00:35:45,791
when I’m too sad,
when I’m too happy.
475
00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:48,208
If I were to puke
every time I want to…
476
00:35:48,291 --> 00:35:51,375
I would do it at every meeting,
477
00:35:51,458 --> 00:35:54,541
every first date, every trip,
478
00:35:54,625 --> 00:35:57,416
every most important day
of my life.
479
00:35:57,500 --> 00:36:00,666
From that day on,
I would never have the “too much”,
480
00:36:00,750 --> 00:36:03,350
no exaggeration no shameless pleasure,
no acting without thinking.
481
00:36:03,375 --> 00:36:05,375
The next day,
I broke up with my boyfriend
482
00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:08,416
because I liked him too much.
Always too much.
483
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:12,583
- Everything's different now, Jonas.
- What about Cleber?
484
00:36:13,041 --> 00:36:16,416
Cleber was his penis.
He called his penis ‘Cleber’.
485
00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:21,291
It’s not you, nor Cleber.
I’ll never date again.
486
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,875
Of course I dated,
but I only puked again
487
00:36:24,958 --> 00:36:28,000
many years after
that breakfast with Gilberto.
488
00:36:28,083 --> 00:36:30,541
I controlled it that morning.
489
00:36:30,875 --> 00:36:32,625
And many others after that.
490
00:36:33,083 --> 00:36:34,208
Tell me.
491
00:36:34,291 --> 00:36:36,791
- What?
- About it.
492
00:37:28,125 --> 00:37:29,916
It was so good,
493
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,541
but it couldn’t be ‘too much’.
494
00:37:34,458 --> 00:37:37,000
MY BOYFRIEND CRIES
Does he know you write about him?
495
00:37:37,083 --> 00:37:41,250
He does.
He thinks it’s therapeutic.
496
00:37:41,916 --> 00:37:45,625
- You like him and you're happy.
- I'm happy, mom.
497
00:37:45,708 --> 00:37:46,916
I'm so happy.
498
00:37:47,833 --> 00:37:51,083
- What?
- Oh, baby...
499
00:37:51,166 --> 00:37:54,166
- What is it?
- You being happy makes me worried.
500
00:37:54,625 --> 00:37:56,458
- Oh! Come on...
- It's true.
501
00:37:56,541 --> 00:37:59,916
You’ll get heartbroken
and I'll never have grandkids.
502
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,333
So much drama.
You're going far.
503
00:38:02,416 --> 00:38:05,000
- You’re gonna want kids someday.
- Fine, mom.
504
00:38:05,083 --> 00:38:08,166
Even if one day they leave you
because they hate you.
505
00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:12,500
I can't believe you're saying this.
506
00:38:12,583 --> 00:38:15,500
I love you so much!
I don’t want to see you suffer.
507
00:38:15,583 --> 00:38:17,833
Fine.
Gilberto loves me as well.
508
00:38:18,625 --> 00:38:21,250
He won’t make me suffer
because he loves me.
509
00:38:21,333 --> 00:38:24,291
He’s a little crazy,
but he's just like me.
510
00:38:24,375 --> 00:38:28,000
Oh, he’s just like you?
Then run.
511
00:38:28,583 --> 00:38:31,166
If he’s just like you, run.
512
00:38:33,291 --> 00:38:35,333
- No, baby...
- That’s not funny.
513
00:38:35,416 --> 00:38:36,684
- I'm just saying this...
- Bye, bye.
514
00:38:36,708 --> 00:38:38,791
Who's going to tell you the truth?
515
00:38:38,875 --> 00:38:42,333
Because I love you.
Your mom will tell you the truth
516
00:38:44,416 --> 00:38:47,416
Who’s the weirdest guy
you’ve ever dated?
517
00:38:48,833 --> 00:38:50,875
Apart from you?
518
00:38:54,541 --> 00:38:56,500
- OK. I asked for that.
- You did.
519
00:38:56,583 --> 00:38:58,541
Yeah, apart from me.
520
00:38:59,750 --> 00:39:04,250
There was this one guy
Who didn't like my purses.
521
00:39:04,333 --> 00:39:09,166
He used to say I wasn’t feminine
because I didn’t wear heels,
522
00:39:09,250 --> 00:39:12,333
so he broke up with me
because I was too manly.
523
00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:15,291
Me, too manly.
524
00:39:16,125 --> 00:39:19,500
- That’s not cool.
- So not cool.
525
00:39:19,583 --> 00:39:21,500
Besides, we had nothing in common.
526
00:39:21,583 --> 00:39:25,125
He ended up getting married
to a farmer’s daughter
527
00:39:25,208 --> 00:39:28,166
who came to the city
to study Soap Design.
528
00:39:28,250 --> 00:39:32,291
Who comes to São Paulo
to study Soap Design?
529
00:39:32,375 --> 00:39:36,083
Breaking up is so hard.
530
00:39:36,166 --> 00:39:39,791
- I never know how to do it.
- You don't?
531
00:39:39,875 --> 00:39:44,583
Mr. Psychotherapist doesn’t know
how to communicate?
532
00:39:44,666 --> 00:39:46,166
It’s different.
533
00:39:46,250 --> 00:39:49,625
At the clinic, you’re not talking
to people, just patients.
534
00:39:49,708 --> 00:39:53,625
And you’re not making decisions,
just helping them find themselves.
535
00:39:54,708 --> 00:39:56,166
I mean it, Dani.
536
00:39:57,125 --> 00:40:02,166
It’s one thing to ask how
your parents’ divorce made you feel,
537
00:40:02,583 --> 00:40:05,291
and it's a completely different one
538
00:40:05,375 --> 00:40:08,916
to find a way to tell you
that I need some time
539
00:40:10,125 --> 00:40:12,041
to see if I miss you.
540
00:40:13,750 --> 00:40:15,625
I mean it, Dani.
541
00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:20,958
I need some time.
542
00:40:32,750 --> 00:40:34,791
Are you breaking up
with me in bed?
543
00:40:34,875 --> 00:40:37,166
I’m not breaking up with you.
544
00:40:38,583 --> 00:40:40,791
I need to know if I like you,
545
00:40:40,875 --> 00:40:42,958
so I need to know if I miss you.
546
00:40:43,375 --> 00:40:45,083
What do you mean?
547
00:40:46,833 --> 00:40:50,208
- How much time?
- I don't know, Dani.
548
00:40:54,125 --> 00:40:56,666
I bring you all here
to create a new campaign,
549
00:40:56,750 --> 00:40:58,110
and this is what you come up with?
550
00:40:58,166 --> 00:41:00,208
Where's the simplicity in it?
551
00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:04,250
That's a copywriter
trying to be a writer.
552
00:41:04,333 --> 00:41:08,541
This is shit, Dani!
It's shit!
553
00:41:08,625 --> 00:41:11,625
I'll show you how it's done.
554
00:41:11,708 --> 00:41:13,791
- No, but...
- Like this.
555
00:41:13,875 --> 00:41:14,875
- Look.
- Marlon...
556
00:41:14,916 --> 00:41:17,833
I'll just get my pen.
Gone!
557
00:41:18,791 --> 00:41:20,625
Gone!
Look at this magic trick!
558
00:41:20,708 --> 00:41:25,583
AmarantoTAL Bank. See?
559
00:41:26,833 --> 00:41:31,333
I WON’T BE ABLE TO MISS YOU
IF YOU DON’T STOP MESSAGING ME
560
00:41:32,291 --> 00:41:36,958
It's synthesis. Wake up!
I'm so disappointed in you.
561
00:41:57,625 --> 00:41:59,791
You’re a waste of space, girl.
562
00:42:06,458 --> 00:42:08,416
He asked for some time?
563
00:42:08,500 --> 00:42:10,416
What a joke!
564
00:42:23,833 --> 00:42:25,958
You're crazy!
565
00:42:27,333 --> 00:42:30,333
I’m gonna miss you?
566
00:42:30,416 --> 00:42:35,000
Who would miss you?
No one! Ever!
567
00:42:43,791 --> 00:42:45,791
You’re out.
568
00:43:00,541 --> 00:43:03,666
Do you think anyone reads
this crap that you write?
569
00:43:28,208 --> 00:43:31,625
Who told you to be born?
Who asked you to exist?
570
00:44:13,083 --> 00:44:14,541
Dani?
571
00:44:16,666 --> 00:44:18,333
Is that you?
572
00:44:34,750 --> 00:44:38,041
- Dani? Dani!
- Mom...
573
00:44:39,166 --> 00:44:41,208
- Mom!
- Dani? Dani!
574
00:44:41,291 --> 00:44:43,708
- Baby, what is it? What is it?
- Take it.
575
00:44:43,791 --> 00:44:46,708
Are you feeling sick?
What happened?
576
00:44:46,791 --> 00:44:49,000
- Do you want to go to the hospital?
- No, no.
577
00:44:49,083 --> 00:44:50,916
Let’s go to the hospital!
578
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:56,000
Easy. Do you want to go?
Mommy will help you.
579
00:44:56,916 --> 00:44:58,375
Go lie down.
580
00:44:58,958 --> 00:45:01,000
Breathe, darling.
581
00:45:03,583 --> 00:45:05,625
Breathe, honey.
582
00:45:05,708 --> 00:45:07,416
Breathe, baby.
583
00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:14,083
I told you when you
started liking that boy.
584
00:45:14,166 --> 00:45:17,708
I get worried.
It’s him, isn’t it? He’s back.
585
00:45:17,791 --> 00:45:20,375
What was it?
Then what was it?
586
00:45:20,458 --> 00:45:23,958
Was it work?
Was the presentation bad?
587
00:45:24,041 --> 00:45:27,250
It's fine, baby.
Is that what it was?
588
00:45:29,166 --> 00:45:31,375
I just want to sleep.
589
00:45:32,208 --> 00:45:35,333
And to not give a shit
about humanity.
590
00:45:36,916 --> 00:45:39,916
I understand, baby.
Mommy will look after you.
591
00:45:40,333 --> 00:45:43,208
Mommy will fix
all of your problems.
592
00:45:45,333 --> 00:45:48,583
And now, the main event!
593
00:45:51,125 --> 00:45:56,541
In the blister pack,
behind the tinfoil, with 0.25mg...
594
00:46:01,625 --> 00:46:06,208
And I’ve been all over the world
looking for something...
595
00:46:16,166 --> 00:46:20,208
The first time you take Klonopin
is unique, perfect,
596
00:46:20,291 --> 00:46:25,250
a mix of all that’s
wonderful in the world.
597
00:46:27,083 --> 00:46:30,000
So this is what
it feels like to be human.
598
00:46:30,083 --> 00:46:33,625
It’s as if you were running
under the sun for 30 years
599
00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:37,541
and you finally found
some shade and freshwater
600
00:46:37,625 --> 00:46:42,541
and the prize is
the screw your head’s been missing.
601
00:46:42,916 --> 00:46:47,375
It's like having small doses
of dignity.
602
00:46:47,458 --> 00:46:51,250
You take a pill version
of your “adult self”
603
00:46:51,333 --> 00:46:54,750
wait for it to take over your body,
to speak for you,
604
00:46:54,833 --> 00:46:59,083
act as you, travel for you,
make money, break up,
605
00:46:59,166 --> 00:47:01,250
sleep, do everything for you.
606
00:47:01,333 --> 00:47:03,583
There’s only one problem.
607
00:47:04,666 --> 00:47:06,791
It wears off.
608
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:45,750
Hi, Dani. It’s Magda Soares.
609
00:47:45,833 --> 00:47:50,291
Your column is hilarious.
610
00:47:50,375 --> 00:47:53,958
I wanted us to work together
on my next soap opera.
611
00:47:54,041 --> 00:47:56,583
I mentioned your name
and everyone loved it.
612
00:47:56,666 --> 00:48:01,333
We all love how you write.
We think you'll be perfect.
613
00:48:02,750 --> 00:48:08,583
The story is very you and
we need young new writers like yourself,
614
00:48:08,666 --> 00:48:12,750
with your unique view on life,
615
00:48:12,833 --> 00:48:15,000
your humor...
616
00:48:15,083 --> 00:48:19,458
You're so funny.
617
00:48:19,541 --> 00:48:23,416
So, do you accept coming to
stay in Rio de Janeiro for a while?
618
00:48:26,291 --> 00:48:27,666
Rio.
619
00:48:27,750 --> 00:48:29,916
How am I supposed
to work in Rio?
620
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:33,166
Away from my bed, my house,
my street, my neighborhood,
621
00:48:33,250 --> 00:48:37,083
my mom, my dad, my dogs,
the local drugstore.
622
00:48:37,458 --> 00:48:40,125
And I’ll have to get on a plane.
There and back.
623
00:48:40,208 --> 00:48:43,583
People sneezing, coughing,
that smell...
624
00:48:43,666 --> 00:48:45,416
My God.
625
00:48:46,041 --> 00:48:48,541
Are you sure you want to do this?
626
00:48:48,625 --> 00:48:51,083
I don't think you'll make it.
627
00:48:51,166 --> 00:48:56,166
- For God's sake, mom.
- No. It will be great. Definitely.
628
00:48:56,250 --> 00:48:59,750
But you do know
you can always give up, right?
629
00:48:59,833 --> 00:49:03,791
- I don’t want to give up, mom.
- That’s great, baby.
630
00:49:04,958 --> 00:49:07,500
- I believe in you.
- I know you do, mom.
631
00:49:07,583 --> 00:49:09,833
I believe in your success.
632
00:49:09,916 --> 00:49:12,375
And don’t worry
about abandoning me
633
00:49:12,458 --> 00:49:14,833
- Okay, mom. Go.
- I will always be here for you.
634
00:49:14,916 --> 00:49:17,916
- You can come back running.
- Okay, I know.
635
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,250
- While I’m not dead, okay?
- Okay, mom.
636
00:49:20,333 --> 00:49:22,541
- Go home, mom. I have to go.
- I love you so much.
637
00:49:22,625 --> 00:49:24,625
I love you too.
I have to go.
638
00:49:25,750 --> 00:49:28,291
I'll get the door for you.
639
00:49:30,083 --> 00:49:32,250
I'm sorry, mister.
640
00:49:33,666 --> 00:49:35,625
I'm going to the airport.
641
00:49:46,750 --> 00:49:51,166
All passengers and cabin crew,
please remain seated
642
00:49:51,250 --> 00:49:55,375
with your seat belts fastened.
We're approaching sudden turbulence.
643
00:49:55,458 --> 00:49:57,750
You do know that
this meeting is a test, right?
644
00:49:58,416 --> 00:50:01,333
They invited you to do
the soap, they can un-invite you.
645
00:50:02,166 --> 00:50:03,250
I know.
646
00:50:04,041 --> 00:50:07,875
Honestly, you can't get there
conked out on Klonopin, not making sense.
647
00:50:07,958 --> 00:50:11,416
- I know.
- If you take too many, you get...
648
00:50:12,958 --> 00:50:17,458
- I said I’ll stop.
- And don’t get sick.
649
00:50:17,541 --> 00:50:19,958
And no... on other people.
650
00:50:20,041 --> 00:50:22,458
I’m not going to be sick.
Leave me alone, mom.
651
00:50:24,333 --> 00:50:25,333
Sorry.
652
00:50:25,416 --> 00:50:27,250
It’s Dani.
653
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:31,458
All I was thinking is that
I was a capable grown-up
654
00:50:31,541 --> 00:50:33,791
and that I worked really hard
to be there,
655
00:50:33,875 --> 00:50:36,583
but this is the worst kind of situation
for me,
656
00:50:36,666 --> 00:50:38,708
when I'm not comfortable.
657
00:50:38,791 --> 00:50:42,875
For example, I would never burp
on purpose in someone's house,
658
00:50:42,958 --> 00:50:46,666
but knowing that I can't
makes me really want to do it.
659
00:50:46,750 --> 00:50:47,833
Hello!
660
00:50:49,041 --> 00:50:52,375
- Hi, darling!
- Hi.
661
00:50:52,458 --> 00:50:56,333
Dani, so nice to meet you.
662
00:50:56,416 --> 00:50:57,791
Welcome!
663
00:50:58,625 --> 00:51:01,833
Guys, this is the ‘new blood’
I was telling you about.
664
00:51:01,916 --> 00:51:04,375
- How do you do?
- Nice to meet you.
665
00:51:05,500 --> 00:51:07,208
- How are you?
- Nice to meet you.
666
00:51:07,291 --> 00:51:08,750
- It's 'Dani', right?
- That's it.
667
00:51:08,833 --> 00:51:12,666
I was telling them that this
could only be a soap author’s home.
668
00:51:12,750 --> 00:51:14,250
It's simply stunning.
669
00:51:14,333 --> 00:51:17,458
Anyone else would have
joined in the brown-nosing,
670
00:51:17,541 --> 00:51:20,708
but I couldn't stop looking
at that guy's nose.
671
00:51:20,791 --> 00:51:22,500
Nose.
672
00:51:22,583 --> 00:51:26,000
Nose. Such a weird word.
673
00:51:26,083 --> 00:51:29,708
And the plural is 'noses'.
674
00:51:29,791 --> 00:51:31,041
Noses.
675
00:51:31,750 --> 00:51:35,583
Noses. Noses.
Who came up with that shit?
676
00:51:36,958 --> 00:51:39,666
Anyway...
She's from São Paulo, Magda.
677
00:51:39,750 --> 00:51:44,041
She can help writing about
the characters from there.
678
00:51:44,125 --> 00:51:46,333
No. I don’t relate
to any of those characters.
679
00:51:46,416 --> 00:51:50,708
We have to write about
our life experiences, right, Magda?
680
00:51:50,791 --> 00:51:55,708
For example, I dated two guys,
at different times,
681
00:51:55,791 --> 00:51:57,750
who had three nipples.
682
00:51:57,833 --> 00:52:00,625
Two guys with three nipples.
683
00:52:00,708 --> 00:52:03,125
Six nipples,
or an extra man nipple.
684
00:52:03,958 --> 00:52:07,083
Maybe we can add that
to a character.
685
00:52:07,166 --> 00:52:12,333
There are some characters
that I like, I can relate to,
686
00:52:13,291 --> 00:52:17,791
but others just aren’t interesting.
No offense.
687
00:52:17,875 --> 00:52:20,833
Magda, she’s such a character.
688
00:52:21,875 --> 00:52:25,583
- So creative!
- I'm always a character.
689
00:52:25,666 --> 00:52:30,125
I always sacrifice myself
for the sake of people's laughs.
690
00:52:30,625 --> 00:52:33,416
We’re going to love
having you around.
691
00:52:33,500 --> 00:52:35,220
- Will they actually kiss?
- Yes, of course.
692
00:52:35,291 --> 00:52:37,541
That's so gross.
693
00:52:37,625 --> 00:52:40,708
A kiss is kind of like a lick.
You’re licking someone’s tongue.
694
00:52:40,791 --> 00:52:44,916
- What planet is she from?
- I find it disgusting.
695
00:52:45,333 --> 00:52:47,916
From that point on, it was
soap opera after soap opera.
696
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:51,083
Years of getting on airplanes,
turbulence every week.
697
00:52:51,166 --> 00:52:56,166
Helena needs to do the
horny peacock dance,
698
00:52:56,250 --> 00:52:59,500
like, ‘I want you to seduce me,
but I’ll pretend I don’t.’
699
00:52:59,583 --> 00:53:02,291
I needed a lot of Klonopin
to get through it all.
700
00:53:02,375 --> 00:53:07,291
No, guys, that actor...
Like huge, he was super famous.
701
00:53:07,375 --> 00:53:10,416
He's super hairy.
What's his name?
702
00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:12,958
Taking too much Klonopin
has its problems.
703
00:53:13,041 --> 00:53:15,708
That awful thing full of people.
704
00:53:15,791 --> 00:53:17,500
It flies.
705
00:53:17,583 --> 00:53:19,500
It stinks, guys.
706
00:53:19,583 --> 00:53:21,142
- Where they give you snacks.
- Airplane?
707
00:53:21,166 --> 00:53:22,767
A plane, that's it.
She should get on one.
708
00:53:22,791 --> 00:53:25,000
No way, Dani, that's bad for us.
709
00:53:25,083 --> 00:53:28,083
Yeah, too much Klonopin
has too many problems.
710
00:53:28,166 --> 00:53:32,000
- Dani, I love you, but it’s tough.
- I know.
711
00:53:32,083 --> 00:53:35,750
How can you forget to write an episode?
We need to start filming!
712
00:53:37,166 --> 00:53:39,291
I can’t do it anymore, mom.
I’m going to get fired.
713
00:53:39,375 --> 00:53:43,125
- That’s nonsense, baby.
- It’s not.
714
00:53:43,208 --> 00:53:45,791
Either I don't take the pill
and everything is horrible,
715
00:53:45,875 --> 00:53:49,583
or I do and turn into a zombie.
716
00:53:49,666 --> 00:53:51,666
There's no other way.
I have to quit.
717
00:53:51,750 --> 00:53:55,500
Baby girl, don’t be like that.
718
00:53:55,583 --> 00:53:59,583
Klonopin isn’t the only
thing in the world.
719
00:54:00,500 --> 00:54:03,625
I can't take it anymore.
I need help.
720
00:54:04,375 --> 00:54:08,916
My head is like a kettle
721
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:12,041
that starts heating up until it...
722
00:54:14,208 --> 00:54:15,458
Understand?
723
00:54:17,250 --> 00:54:19,166
Daniela,
724
00:54:19,250 --> 00:54:22,416
I’ll give you this other one.
725
00:54:23,791 --> 00:54:28,000
It will help with the anxiety,
but you have to be patient.
726
00:54:28,083 --> 00:54:30,791
It takes a few days to work.
727
00:54:35,750 --> 00:54:39,875
Effexor didn't change anything
in the first few days.
728
00:54:39,958 --> 00:54:44,083
Let's start with
the main character, Irene.
729
00:54:44,166 --> 00:54:47,708
- Until it did.
- I want to make it clear that...
730
00:54:47,791 --> 00:54:50,875
Effexor made the world beautiful.
731
00:54:51,416 --> 00:54:56,458
If Klonopin was peace,
Effexor was happiness.
732
00:55:11,416 --> 00:55:13,291
So good.
733
00:55:20,083 --> 00:55:22,708
It's delicious.
This is so good!
734
00:55:27,708 --> 00:55:30,625
It's so delicious.
It gave me goosebumps.
735
00:55:31,125 --> 00:55:33,041
Sorry, guys. Carry on.
736
00:55:33,125 --> 00:55:35,791
May I?
Thank you very much.
737
00:55:36,958 --> 00:55:39,666
- Come here, Dani.
- This is so good.
738
00:55:39,750 --> 00:55:41,875
Did you take MDMA?
739
00:55:41,958 --> 00:55:44,625
- It's not molly, it's Effexor.
- Effexor.
740
00:55:44,708 --> 00:55:47,083
- I don’t take illegal drugs.
- If you say so.
741
00:55:47,166 --> 00:55:49,333
- Do you want to go dancing?
- Yes.
742
00:56:25,208 --> 00:56:27,666
Effexor was so good.
743
00:56:27,750 --> 00:56:32,291
So, so, so good.
744
00:56:32,375 --> 00:56:34,875
It was so, so good.
745
00:56:35,208 --> 00:56:37,375
There was only one problem.
746
00:56:38,208 --> 00:56:43,000
- I can’t hold it anymore.
- Just a bit more. I'm almost there...
747
00:56:44,583 --> 00:56:46,416
Wait, wait.
748
00:56:50,583 --> 00:56:54,375
- I couldn’t hold it, Dani. Sorry.
- But it was good. It was so good.
749
00:56:54,458 --> 00:56:59,416
- But you didn’t...
- No, but it’s not always that we can.
750
00:56:59,500 --> 00:57:01,958
- But I’m good at it.
- I know you are.
751
00:57:02,041 --> 00:57:05,916
- You are, you're so good.
- Honestly...
752
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:09,500
Let it go.
Are you upset?
753
00:57:10,125 --> 00:57:13,375
I should be the one upset
because I didn’t finish.
754
00:57:13,458 --> 00:57:16,625
- So you are upset.
- I’m not upset.
755
00:57:16,708 --> 00:57:20,791
I told you I’m not.
I'm not.
756
00:57:20,875 --> 00:57:22,458
Stop it.
757
00:57:22,541 --> 00:57:26,791
I’m getting upset now though.
All this pressure is ridiculous.
758
00:57:41,791 --> 00:57:47,916
Something needed to change.
I couldn't take Rio anymore.
759
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:52,041
And I was tired of making
a fool of myself to the other writers.
760
00:57:52,125 --> 00:57:56,458
After so many flights, airports,
cunning taxi drivers, tanned men,
761
00:57:56,541 --> 00:57:59,791
after so much Klonopin,
Effexor, Ibuprofen, Dramamine,
762
00:57:59,875 --> 00:58:03,958
I decided to go back home
and follow my dreams.
763
00:58:04,041 --> 00:58:06,666
2 BLOCKS, CAR, 3 BLOCKS, HOME
BY DANI TEIXEIRA
764
00:58:07,833 --> 00:58:09,291
Excellent!
765
00:58:09,375 --> 00:58:12,750
It’s got what it takes
to be a best seller.
766
00:58:13,250 --> 00:58:16,750
- Is it all true?
- All true.
767
00:58:17,166 --> 00:58:21,250
The healer lady, the cushions,
the crying boyfriend?
768
00:58:21,333 --> 00:58:22,916
Cool.
769
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,708
Let me tell you something, Dani.
770
00:58:26,541 --> 00:58:30,500
The book industry
is very competitive.
771
00:58:30,583 --> 00:58:34,708
You wrote soaps before
and this book is great,
772
00:58:35,500 --> 00:58:39,208
but the difference between
selling 1,000 copies to friends
773
00:58:39,291 --> 00:58:44,583
and selling tons and becoming
a movie or a TV series,
774
00:58:44,916 --> 00:58:46,291
is you.
775
00:58:46,375 --> 00:58:50,166
People want to hear
the real stories behind everything.
776
00:58:50,250 --> 00:58:53,708
- That's our marketing.
- That's fine, great.
777
00:58:53,791 --> 00:58:55,291
Let's do it.
778
00:58:55,375 --> 00:58:59,500
This means you will have
to put yourself out there,
779
00:58:59,583 --> 00:59:03,916
sign books, talk, give interviews.
780
00:59:04,708 --> 00:59:06,791
And what’s the problem?
781
00:59:06,875 --> 00:59:10,875
The problem?
I read your book, Dani.
782
00:59:10,958 --> 00:59:16,041
I don’t want to put you in a situation
that will cause a panic attack.
783
00:59:17,041 --> 00:59:20,166
I don’t know if you read it carefully,
but I was never unprofessional.
784
00:59:20,250 --> 00:59:21,375
That's great.
785
00:59:21,458 --> 00:59:26,833
I’m not a scared little girl,
I’m a woman, a professional.
786
00:59:27,291 --> 00:59:29,291
And I promise,
whatever I have to do,
787
00:59:29,375 --> 00:59:32,208
I won’t let who I am
get in the way of who I have to be.
788
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:34,000
Okay.
789
00:59:36,875 --> 00:59:40,791
I was living my dream.
Everything was perfect.
790
00:59:40,875 --> 00:59:44,875
I was confident,
I was relaxed, I was great.
791
00:59:44,958 --> 00:59:47,041
- Are you okay?
- She's fine.
792
00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:48,916
She’ll come out in a minute.
793
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:53,375
- I don’t want any of this.
- You don’t have to, baby.
794
00:59:53,458 --> 00:59:55,208
No, no.
795
00:59:55,625 --> 00:59:58,250
- Give me a Klonopin.
- We can tell everyone to go,
796
00:59:58,333 --> 01:00:02,416
- go back home and end this.
- Give me a Klonopin, mom!
797
01:00:10,458 --> 01:00:14,125
No, that's it.
That's enough, baby.
798
01:00:14,208 --> 01:00:18,291
- There are some things we can't do.
- I can do it, mom. I can do anything.
799
01:00:23,583 --> 01:00:25,375
Good evening.
800
01:00:26,291 --> 01:00:28,000
Hey, girl!
801
01:00:28,083 --> 01:00:30,333
Congratulations.
802
01:01:03,791 --> 01:01:05,458
Tell them you’re not going.
803
01:01:05,541 --> 01:01:10,541
- You can't do a TV show today.
- No, mom. I'm fine.
804
01:01:10,625 --> 01:01:14,583
I get like this sometimes.
I’m sad, but I’m fine.
805
01:01:14,666 --> 01:01:17,458
Give me your phone.
I’m calling the publisher.
806
01:01:17,541 --> 01:01:19,291
- Are you crazy?
- Darling,
807
01:01:19,375 --> 01:01:22,083
do you think this is normal?
Look at yourself!
808
01:01:22,166 --> 01:01:24,916
Look at how skinny
and beaten up you look.
809
01:01:26,500 --> 01:01:29,291
- Eat this.
- Don’t start, mom!
810
01:01:29,375 --> 01:01:32,000
You have to take care of yourself.
You're so thin.
811
01:01:32,083 --> 01:01:35,791
I can’t believe
you’re doing this to me now.
812
01:01:35,875 --> 01:01:37,916
You have to focus
on what’s important.
813
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,333
It’s what I do, mom!
It’s what I’ve always done!
814
01:01:40,416 --> 01:01:42,708
Look at this!
I've done it!
815
01:01:42,791 --> 01:01:46,750
I've climbed Mt. Everest
and planted my flag in the summit!
816
01:01:46,833 --> 01:01:48,333
What else do you want from me?
817
01:01:48,416 --> 01:01:51,125
What I always wanted,
for you to be happy.
818
01:01:51,208 --> 01:01:54,000
- It's not. Why don't you support me?
- Excuse me?
819
01:01:54,083 --> 01:01:56,166
Instead of shutting me down.
Are you jealous?
820
01:01:56,250 --> 01:01:59,291
- Jealous? Of what?
- Of me, my life, my job.
821
01:01:59,375 --> 01:02:01,708
- Because I have less time for you.
- You’re just nervous.
822
01:02:01,791 --> 01:02:04,166
Why don’t you take me
to Mrs. Zulmira?
823
01:02:04,250 --> 01:02:07,625
I’m crazy enough as I am,
I don’t need you to make it worse.
824
01:02:07,708 --> 01:02:12,291
And this, this is you.
You taught me.
825
01:02:12,375 --> 01:02:15,041
I know, and I’m telling you to stop.
826
01:02:15,666 --> 01:02:17,041
No.
827
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,583
Give it back.
828
01:02:19,666 --> 01:02:22,458
Give it back!
Unbelievable.
829
01:02:22,541 --> 01:02:26,583
Dani, honey,
I'm just trying to help you.
830
01:02:27,458 --> 01:02:31,208
Then help a little less,
that will help.
831
01:02:45,208 --> 01:02:48,750
Are you crazy?
How many have you taken?
832
01:02:50,416 --> 01:02:54,750
Okay, fine.
One for courage, then that’s it.
833
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:00,708
Three minutes, Dani… Shit!
834
01:03:00,791 --> 01:03:04,083
You’re going live, Dani.
Don’t do that.
835
01:03:04,666 --> 01:03:08,416
There you go.
This is for you.
836
01:03:40,541 --> 01:03:45,250
Hello. And now we have
an amazing writer,
837
01:03:45,333 --> 01:03:47,708
easy-going, incredibly funny,
838
01:03:47,791 --> 01:03:54,041
and just released her first book
'2 Blocks, Car, 3 Blocks, Home',
839
01:03:54,125 --> 01:03:57,750
ladies and gentlemen,
Dani Teixeira!
840
01:04:00,375 --> 01:04:02,625
All I could think of
was everyone looking at me.
841
01:04:02,708 --> 01:04:04,500
All I’ve been through.
842
01:04:04,583 --> 01:04:07,333
Fuck you, Marlon.
Fuck you, Gilberto.
843
01:04:07,416 --> 01:04:10,666
Fuck you, party bimbos.
Fuck you, asshole screenwriter.
844
01:04:10,750 --> 01:04:13,666
Fuck you, Dr. Guido!
Fuck you, Itaim monk!
845
01:04:13,750 --> 01:04:17,125
And fuck you
with that dodgeball!
846
01:04:17,208 --> 01:04:19,875
Everyone wants to know
what I have to say.
847
01:04:19,958 --> 01:04:21,458
Everyone wants me.
848
01:04:21,541 --> 01:04:24,416
- Such a pleasure.
- Hi, guys.
849
01:04:25,875 --> 01:04:29,958
I’m sorry, Johnny,
I’m not used to wearing heels.
850
01:04:30,041 --> 01:04:34,750
I had a boyfriend that said I wasn’t
feminine enough because of that.
851
01:04:34,833 --> 01:04:37,166
- No way!
- I guess he was right.
852
01:04:37,250 --> 01:04:40,375
You’ll have to excuse me,
but that guy was crazy.
853
01:04:40,458 --> 01:04:42,125
- Don't... Stop it.
- Of course.
854
01:04:42,208 --> 01:04:45,166
- You’re a stunning woman. Right?
- Oh, stop it…
855
01:04:45,250 --> 01:04:46,958
See?
856
01:04:47,041 --> 01:04:50,250
You're making me blush.
857
01:05:46,875 --> 01:05:50,791
What was that yesterday, girl?
Did you go crazy?
858
01:05:50,875 --> 01:05:54,083
For fuck's sake, Dani.
Is that what you call 'professional'?
859
01:05:54,166 --> 01:05:56,041
You ruined everything.
860
01:06:08,500 --> 01:06:12,500
Ladies and gentlemen,
Dani Teixeira!
861
01:06:12,583 --> 01:06:14,458
Dani!
862
01:06:18,333 --> 01:06:20,125
- What's wrong?
- There's a cockroach.
863
01:06:20,208 --> 01:06:22,125
- There was a cockroach.
- A cockroach?
864
01:06:22,208 --> 01:06:25,833
- I hate cockroaches.
- There's no cockroach.
865
01:06:25,916 --> 01:06:27,958
I'm so happy you're here.
866
01:06:28,041 --> 01:06:31,416
- This is so good.
- So... let's start...
867
01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:33,791
- So handsome.
- It's a pleasure.
868
01:06:33,875 --> 01:06:37,041
Thank you. Before we start,
can I send a message?
869
01:06:37,125 --> 01:06:39,000
- What do you mean?
- Can I send a message?
870
01:06:39,083 --> 01:06:41,750
- Can I?
- Sure, feel free to do it.
871
01:06:43,916 --> 01:06:49,000
Fuck you, Marlon.
Fuck you, Dr. Guido.
872
01:06:49,083 --> 01:06:52,583
Fuck you, Fernando.
Fuck you, Itaim monk.
873
01:06:52,666 --> 01:06:55,333
- Fuck you, Gilberto!
- Okay...
874
01:06:55,416 --> 01:06:58,875
- And fuck you too.
- Yeah, fuck everyone, Dani.
875
01:06:58,958 --> 01:07:02,500
- I'm so glad you're here.
- I'm fine. Let me go.
876
01:07:02,583 --> 01:07:04,500
- Let's begin...
- I’m sorry, Johnny.
877
01:07:04,583 --> 01:07:07,583
- What's up?
- I’m not used to wearing heels.
878
01:07:07,666 --> 01:07:12,166
I had a boyfriend that said I wasn’t
feminine enough because of that.
879
01:07:12,250 --> 01:07:14,000
- Oh God...
- Can I get them off?
880
01:07:14,083 --> 01:07:15,958
- Sure, sure.
- I'll be more comfortable.
881
01:07:16,041 --> 01:07:20,041
- Look at the size of these things.
- But he was crazy.
882
01:07:20,125 --> 01:07:21,642
- Do you think so?
- You’re a stunning woman.
883
01:07:21,666 --> 01:07:23,791
- Oh, stop it…
- Right?
884
01:07:24,625 --> 01:07:26,500
- See?
- Stop it!
885
01:07:26,583 --> 01:07:29,375
- I'm a big fan of yours.
- No, I am yours.
886
01:07:29,458 --> 01:07:32,583
Really, you're so handsome.
Thank you.
887
01:07:32,666 --> 01:07:34,750
- So handsome. Thank you.
- No, thank you.
888
01:07:34,833 --> 01:07:38,000
- I'm so happy to be here.
- I'm happy too.
889
01:07:38,083 --> 01:07:40,458
- I'm so happy...
- My God...
890
01:08:44,958 --> 01:08:48,208
MOM: CALL ME, BABY!
MARI: GIRL, YOU'RE CRAZY HEHE
891
01:08:48,291 --> 01:08:50,250
JOÃO PUBLISHER: FUCK, DANI!
LU: GIRL!
892
01:08:50,333 --> 01:08:51,851
DAD: ARE YOU OKAY, BABY GIRL?
PAT: DANI! WHAT WAS THAT?
893
01:08:51,875 --> 01:08:54,791
THERAPIST: DO YOU WANT TO BOOK
AN EMERGENCY APPOINTMENT?
894
01:10:27,583 --> 01:10:31,208
- Thank God!
- Dr. Guido?
895
01:10:32,125 --> 01:10:34,625
What is he doing here?
896
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:37,583
Your mom called me,
she said you passed out.
897
01:10:37,666 --> 01:10:39,791
She mixed everything, doctor.
898
01:10:39,875 --> 01:10:44,250
She mixed Klonopin, Effexor,
Muscle Relaxant, Dramamine...
899
01:10:44,333 --> 01:10:48,041
- Excuse me, mom.
- Honey, I'm just explaining.
900
01:10:48,125 --> 01:10:51,583
I'm an adult. I don't need my mom
to talk to the doctor for me.
901
01:10:51,666 --> 01:10:54,375
- I'm just explaining it to him.
- Get out.
902
01:10:54,458 --> 01:10:56,833
- Baby...
- Get out, mom.
903
01:10:57,833 --> 01:11:00,500
- It's okay.
- Out!
904
01:11:04,750 --> 01:11:06,583
My mom was overreacting.
905
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:08,708
It was just my blood pressure.
906
01:11:08,791 --> 01:11:12,083
A vasovagal syncope, right?
907
01:11:12,166 --> 01:11:15,125
It was no vasovagal syncope.
Are you mad?
908
01:11:15,208 --> 01:11:18,166
You mixed a lot of drugs.
You could have died.
909
01:11:18,250 --> 01:11:19,916
I’m fine.
910
01:11:20,250 --> 01:11:22,083
It was a mistake.
911
01:11:23,083 --> 01:11:26,166
I shouldn’t have taken Dramamine.
912
01:11:26,708 --> 01:11:29,458
Dani, you should really
go to rehab.
913
01:11:29,916 --> 01:11:31,500
It happened once.
914
01:11:32,208 --> 01:11:36,375
I've been taking stuff for years and,
because of one bad day,
915
01:11:36,458 --> 01:11:38,083
I made a mistake.
916
01:11:38,500 --> 01:11:43,125
I don’t need rehab, I’m fine.
I promise I’ll be careful. I’m fine.
917
01:11:43,208 --> 01:11:46,083
Then get some rest.
Take a month off.
918
01:11:46,166 --> 01:11:48,791
I’m in the middle of my book launch.
I'll do it after.
919
01:11:48,875 --> 01:11:52,166
Do you really want it to be
published posthumously?
920
01:12:03,916 --> 01:12:05,666
You're right.
921
01:12:09,666 --> 01:12:12,500
Okay, I promise...
922
01:12:13,458 --> 01:12:15,458
I’ll stop with Dramamine,
923
01:12:16,083 --> 01:12:18,791
and won't mix
the muscle relaxant anymore.
924
01:12:20,083 --> 01:12:24,833
Just give me some Klonopin.
I can't do it without it.
925
01:12:27,458 --> 01:12:29,250
Please.
926
01:12:32,666 --> 01:12:34,541
Are you okay?
927
01:12:35,708 --> 01:12:39,250
I'll go validate the ticket.
Wait here.
928
01:13:04,583 --> 01:13:08,041
MOM: DANI, YOU DISAPPEARED.
WHAT HAPPENED?
929
01:13:11,083 --> 01:13:13,291
WHERE DID YOU GO?
JUST PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE OKAY.
930
01:13:13,375 --> 01:13:15,041
I don’t want to talk.
931
01:13:15,125 --> 01:13:18,791
HI. I SAW YOU ON TV.
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.
932
01:13:18,875 --> 01:13:20,166
No.
933
01:13:20,250 --> 01:13:23,041
No, no, no.
I hate you.
934
01:13:23,125 --> 01:13:25,375
No. No!
935
01:13:25,875 --> 01:13:28,750
Asshole.
Son of a bitch!
936
01:13:29,791 --> 01:13:32,750
YOU JERK! ASSHO...
937
01:13:32,833 --> 01:13:34,375
No.
938
01:13:35,458 --> 01:13:37,875
YOU JERK! ASSHOLE!
939
01:13:43,375 --> 01:13:46,208
YOU SHOW UP LIKE A GHOST
ON THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE?
940
01:14:07,208 --> 01:14:09,916
OKAY. WHEN?
941
01:14:17,541 --> 01:14:22,416
Who does he think he is,
coming to save me
942
01:14:22,500 --> 01:14:25,875
Asshole!
I'm going to finish him.
943
01:14:25,958 --> 01:14:28,666
I'll make him swallow that smile.
944
01:14:29,208 --> 01:14:32,458
Thank you, Gilberto,
for this opportunity.
945
01:14:32,541 --> 01:14:36,500
Poor thing, I'll kill him.
I'll chop him up in pieces.
946
01:14:36,583 --> 01:14:38,375
There will be nothing left.
947
01:14:38,916 --> 01:14:40,333
Hi.
948
01:14:40,416 --> 01:14:42,291
I’m glad you came.
949
01:14:42,666 --> 01:14:44,833
I was scared to death you wouldn't.
950
01:14:44,916 --> 01:14:47,166
'Scared to death'.
And you should be.
951
01:14:47,250 --> 01:14:50,250
I'll smash you
like the cockroach you are.
952
01:14:50,333 --> 01:14:55,500
And don't even try to charm me
because I will never ever...
953
01:14:56,541 --> 01:14:58,041
Screw it.
954
01:15:44,583 --> 01:15:46,250
I can’t finish anymore.
955
01:15:46,708 --> 01:15:49,375
That's fine. Me neither.
956
01:15:59,125 --> 01:16:03,541
- Escitalopram?
- Venlafaxine.
957
01:16:03,625 --> 01:16:06,250
Effexor is good. I love it.
958
01:16:06,333 --> 01:16:08,166
But this is so much better.
959
01:16:11,125 --> 01:16:13,875
Nothing’s better than venlafaxine.
960
01:16:26,250 --> 01:16:27,958
Good morning.
961
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:31,791
What's this?
962
01:16:32,666 --> 01:16:35,625
- Breakfast, Dani.
- No.
963
01:16:36,083 --> 01:16:38,000
No, no, no.
964
01:16:39,916 --> 01:16:42,375
- Dani... Okay, okay.
- Get out.
965
01:16:42,458 --> 01:16:44,875
- Get out!
- Calm down, I'm sorry.
966
01:16:44,958 --> 01:16:47,916
- You have no right to do this!
- I know, I was just...
967
01:16:48,000 --> 01:16:50,125
- I don’t know, I was trying.
- Get out! Now!
968
01:16:50,208 --> 01:16:52,458
- I was trying to apologize...
- Get out of here!
969
01:16:52,541 --> 01:16:55,708
I am trying to apologize!
970
01:16:58,833 --> 01:17:00,750
I’m sorry.
971
01:17:04,583 --> 01:17:06,916
I wanted you to know
that I liked you a lot,
972
01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:10,291
- I never stopped liking you.
- And that you’ve changed,
973
01:17:10,375 --> 01:17:11,976
that you’re a different person.
Don’t give me that bullshit.
974
01:17:12,000 --> 01:17:13,916
No, I haven’t changed.
975
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:17,166
I'm a crazy, fucked up guy!
As fucked up as ever!
976
01:17:17,250 --> 01:17:19,625
Honesty, okay.
977
01:17:21,958 --> 01:17:25,333
For years I’ve wanted
to talk to you.
978
01:17:27,083 --> 01:17:29,750
But then
you called out to me, so...
979
01:17:29,833 --> 01:17:32,666
Called out to you?
I didn't...
980
01:17:32,750 --> 01:17:37,458
You said: ‘Fuck you, Gilberto’
for the whole country to see.
981
01:17:37,875 --> 01:17:41,083
And there's a whole chapter
In your book about me.
982
01:17:41,541 --> 01:17:44,375
I realized
you haven't forgotten me.
983
01:17:47,166 --> 01:17:50,416
So what?
It's just one chapter.
984
01:17:56,833 --> 01:18:00,833
- Pick it up.
- No, we’re not really talking.
985
01:18:03,166 --> 01:18:04,791
Don’t do that.
986
01:18:04,875 --> 01:18:07,166
So now you’re going to tell me
how to deal with my mom?
987
01:18:07,250 --> 01:18:09,750
I’m sorry, but don't hold grudges.
988
01:18:12,541 --> 01:18:13,750
It’s not worth it.
989
01:18:14,708 --> 01:18:15,875
What happened?
990
01:18:21,916 --> 01:18:23,291
Your dad?
991
01:18:30,958 --> 01:18:33,250
Don’t keep anything to yourself.
992
01:18:33,333 --> 01:18:35,833
I can be the worst person
in the world,
993
01:18:37,666 --> 01:18:39,666
but don’t keep anything
to yourself.
994
01:18:45,833 --> 01:18:47,250
Mom?
995
01:18:49,416 --> 01:18:51,625
I need to talk to you, mom.
996
01:18:52,916 --> 01:18:54,833
I’m an adult.
997
01:18:56,041 --> 01:18:58,250
Don't look at me,
look at your mom.
998
01:18:58,333 --> 01:19:00,041
She's right there.
999
01:19:04,125 --> 01:19:08,916
I need you to understand it.
1000
01:19:11,375 --> 01:19:13,833
It’s not that I don’t love you.
1001
01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:16,416
I love you a lot.
1002
01:19:16,750 --> 01:19:18,166
A lot.
1003
01:19:18,250 --> 01:19:21,625
I know you were
always by my side,
1004
01:19:22,375 --> 01:19:25,375
helping me whenever I needed.
1005
01:19:26,750 --> 01:19:29,708
You’re so strong, but
1006
01:19:32,500 --> 01:19:35,375
so fragile sometimes, mom.
1007
01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:41,666
I feel like I abandon you
every time I get on a plane.
1008
01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:46,250
Every meeting I go to
pulls me away from you.
1009
01:19:49,708 --> 01:19:51,708
I love you
1010
01:19:55,250 --> 01:19:59,916
and miss you so,
1011
01:20:02,958 --> 01:20:07,291
but we're different people.
I'm me and you're you.
1012
01:20:08,291 --> 01:20:10,208
Do you understand it, mom?
1013
01:20:11,791 --> 01:20:14,791
That doesn't
make me love you less.
1014
01:20:16,625 --> 01:20:19,166
I need you to know it.
1015
01:20:27,750 --> 01:20:33,708
I would be with you forever,
if I could,
1016
01:20:35,250 --> 01:20:37,166
but I can't.
1017
01:20:39,958 --> 01:20:43,375
I can't because
I have to live my life.
1018
01:20:44,500 --> 01:20:46,875
I have to live my life.
1019
01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:07,625
- I'm sorry, mom.
- Oh, baby...
1020
01:21:08,333 --> 01:21:12,000
- I’m sorry.
- It’s okay. It’s okay.
1021
01:21:17,291 --> 01:21:22,125
- How can I get better?
- You don’t.
1022
01:21:22,791 --> 01:21:25,000
We are what we are.
1023
01:21:27,416 --> 01:21:31,583
- I can’t be this person.
- Of course you can.
1024
01:21:31,916 --> 01:21:35,208
I’m very proud of you, Dani.
1025
01:21:36,291 --> 01:21:39,375
I love you like a daughter.
1026
01:21:41,541 --> 01:21:43,500
I am your daughter.
1027
01:21:48,291 --> 01:21:50,041
Jesus...
1028
01:21:50,125 --> 01:21:53,166
You're obviously my daughter.
1029
01:21:53,250 --> 01:21:56,416
- I am your daughter.
- There's no doubt about that.
1030
01:22:01,541 --> 01:22:06,125
I decided to quit everything
on a Tuesday morning.
1031
01:22:06,916 --> 01:22:13,833
I had the worst hangover
mixed with emotions and thoughts,
1032
01:22:13,916 --> 01:22:16,791
followed by a massive thirst.
1033
01:22:16,875 --> 01:22:21,416
And then I started feeling everything,
fear, hurt, touch...
1034
01:22:22,583 --> 01:22:25,583
It had its advantages.
1035
01:22:28,333 --> 01:22:33,458
An orgasm
is better than venlafaxine.
1036
01:22:35,750 --> 01:22:38,458
Yesterday, I was home
and I just started dancing,
1037
01:22:38,541 --> 01:22:42,083
that's when I realized
that I was really happy.
1038
01:22:42,166 --> 01:22:44,333
And that I hadn’t been really happy
since I had decided
1039
01:22:44,416 --> 01:22:48,416
I wasn't going to be too sad,
too anxious or “too” anything.
1040
01:22:48,500 --> 01:22:52,458
And quitting being “too” anything
meant quitting a lot of things,
1041
01:22:52,541 --> 01:22:55,500
so it was good
I stopped taking pills.
1042
01:22:55,583 --> 01:22:57,375
But I’m not cured.
1043
01:22:58,458 --> 01:23:01,125
Gilberto invited me to spend
New Year’s Eve on the beach,
1044
01:23:01,208 --> 01:23:04,041
and I said yes.
Even though I was scared.
1045
01:23:05,500 --> 01:23:09,208
- If I need to…
- I can take you home.
1046
01:23:10,250 --> 01:23:13,958
- What if you get sick?
- There’s an Uber on call.
1047
01:23:14,791 --> 01:23:17,625
- What if they can’t make it?
- There’s a taxi as well.
1048
01:23:17,708 --> 01:23:21,208
- And what if it breaks down?
- There’s another one.
1049
01:23:21,291 --> 01:23:23,833
- What if that one can't either?
- Then we're screwed.
1050
01:23:25,625 --> 01:23:29,083
Just kidding, I have a number
for the tow truck.
1051
01:23:35,291 --> 01:23:37,958
I could be back on the pills
in ten minutes,
1052
01:23:38,041 --> 01:23:41,958
but I'm doing very well.
1053
01:23:42,500 --> 01:23:45,625
Actually, I'm not very well,
1054
01:23:45,708 --> 01:23:49,541
I’m a little down, to be honest,
1055
01:23:49,625 --> 01:23:52,000
but I'm feeling
a lot more like myself.
1056
01:23:52,083 --> 01:23:56,125
I’m that bag of marbles,
wrapped tightly with a string,
1057
01:23:56,208 --> 01:23:59,958
which I carry close to my body
holding it with both hands.
1058
01:24:00,041 --> 01:24:02,791
I can't open it,
I can’t loosen it, lose them,
1059
01:24:02,875 --> 01:24:05,458
give them away, put in extra ones.
1060
01:24:05,541 --> 01:24:08,583
I am those
70 independent marbles,
1061
01:24:08,666 --> 01:24:13,333
not one more nor one less.
84732
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