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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,050 --> 00:00:04,570 ANNOUNCER: In the last episode of Soap, 2 00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,572 Carol told Jodie she wanted to see the baby, 3 00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:07,573 and after seeing the baby, 4 00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,074 she told Jodie she wanted the baby 5 00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:11,076 and would take him to court for custody. 6 00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:13,078 The doctor told Mary that she's pregnant, 7 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,581 and then he told Burt that he was going to die. 8 00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:18,083 Although Mary told Burt she's pregnant, 9 00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,585 Burt didn't tell Mary he's going to die, 10 00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,086 but he did tell Danny, 11 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:23,589 and then the doctor told Burt he had made a mistake 12 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,091 and told him he wasn't going to die after all. 13 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,593 Mary, who's happy she's pregnant, 14 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,595 is worried the baby might be an alien, 15 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,597 something she hasn't told Burt. 16 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,099 Danny and Polly told each other they loved each other, 17 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,101 and then they told a real estate broker 18 00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,102 they wanted a house. 19 00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:39,605 The real estate broker told them he had a nice house, 20 00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:40,606 but there was no telling 21 00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:42,107 how nice the neighbors would be. 22 00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,108 Chester told Jessica 23 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,611 he was in love with the minister's daughter, 24 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,112 and Jessica threw him out of the house 25 00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:48,614 and told him never to come back. 26 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:51,116 Then Jessica got depressed and went to a psychiatrist, 27 00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:53,118 who told her she was perfectly normal 28 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:54,620 and that he wanted to date her. 29 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,121 Meanwhile, 30 00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:58,624 the minister's daughter told Chester he was too old, 31 00:00:58,625 --> 00:00:59,625 and she left him. 32 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,627 Billy told Jessica he was getting tired of Leslie, 33 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,629 and Dutch told Eunice he knew she was cheating, 34 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:06,131 and Eunice told Dutch she wouldn't do it again, 35 00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:07,633 then Dutch found a note telling him 36 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,134 that Eunice had run away with another man. 37 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,636 Dutch told Corinne, 38 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,137 and Corinne told Dutch 39 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,639 he was still welcome in the house. 40 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,140 One thing led to another 41 00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:17,142 and Dutch and Corinne wound up in bed together, 42 00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:18,644 so there's no telling what will happen. 43 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,145 Confused? 44 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:23,649 You won't be after this episode of... Soap. 45 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,656 This is story of two sisters, 46 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,658 Jessica Tate... 47 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,160 and Mary Campbell. 48 00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:38,664 These are the Tates. 49 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:42,167 And these are the Campbells. 50 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:45,171 And this is... Soap. 51 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,206 What did you say? 52 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:23,709 What did I just hear you say? 53 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,714 Go on, say it... 54 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,220 Go on, say it to my face. 55 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:42,728 Come on, you chicken-livered, yellow-bellied... person. 56 00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,229 Go on, I dare you to say it again. 57 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,731 Go ahead. 58 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,734 I thought that's what you said. 59 00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:52,237 You get out of town while the getting's good, 60 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,740 while you still got legs to walk on. 61 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:55,741 Hey, Burt, can I play? 62 00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,743 I'm not playing, Danny. I'm practicing. 63 00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,745 For what? 64 00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:01,246 Remember when I thought I was dying? 65 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:02,247 Yeah. 66 00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:03,248 Well, I realized then 67 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:05,250 that I'd always had a really kind of selfish life. 68 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,752 I never really helped my fellow man, 69 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,253 and now that I'm gonna live, Danny, 70 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,254 I'm gonna change all that. 71 00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:11,256 I'm gonna make good on it. 72 00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,758 Dan... 73 00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,761 I'm gonna run for sheriff. 74 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,764 You are? 75 00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,265 Burt, that's great! 76 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,768 Wow. Hey! Can I be your deputy? 77 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:24,770 Let me be your deputy, Burt. I'd be a great deputy. 78 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,271 Come on, let me be your deputy, Burt. 79 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:27,773 Please. Please. 80 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,775 Danny, a deputy's gotta be trained. 81 00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:31,777 In what? He's gotta be a cop. 82 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,278 I need a real cop. 83 00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:34,780 I'll be one. I'll go to cop school. 84 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,281 Oh, Burt, please, 85 00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:37,783 please. 86 00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:38,784 Danny, I haven't been elected yet. 87 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,786 Oh, you'll get elected. 88 00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:42,287 People hate Sheriff Prentice. 89 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,289 They spit on his car. 90 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,291 Prentice. Prentice. He's bad. 91 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:47,292 He's a bad, corrupt man. 92 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,293 He's been bad for Dunn's River, 93 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,295 and we need to clean up this town, 94 00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:51,296 and I intend to do it. 95 00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:52,798 Let's practice. 96 00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:53,799 You be a speeding driver. 97 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,300 I'll catch you. 98 00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:57,302 If I was a speeding driver, you'd never catch me. 99 00:03:57,303 --> 00:04:00,305 Pretend, Dan. 100 00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,807 I'm gonna pretend to be a killer. 101 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,308 A speeding driver who kills people. 102 00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:05,811 All right, Danny, please. Let's go. Come on. All right. 103 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,312 Now, you're tooling down the highway, 104 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:08,814 and I'm coming up from behind you, 105 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:09,815 and I'll stop you. Ready? 106 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,828 Pull over! 107 00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,339 Damn. 108 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,346 Now I'm gonna approach the car. 109 00:04:41,347 --> 00:04:43,348 Now, you gotta do this very carefully 110 00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,349 because, you know, more cops get killed 111 00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:46,852 approaching cars then anywhere else. 112 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,854 I mean, you gotta approach it very carefully 113 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:50,355 in case the guy is armed. 114 00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:53,359 The important thing here, to be a moving target. 115 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,373 What's the rush, big guy? 116 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,876 Let me give you my license, officer. 117 00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:12,879 Hey! 118 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:15,380 Got you. 119 00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:16,381 I got you first. 120 00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,382 You did not. You winged me. 121 00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:18,884 What do you mean, winged you? 122 00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:19,885 I killed you. 123 00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:20,886 I got you in the head. 124 00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,387 I got you in the heart! 125 00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:23,889 You did not! I did too! 126 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,390 Boys! 127 00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:28,393 Boys, if you cannot play nicely, you'll have to play outside. 128 00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:30,395 Ma, he's gonna be sheriff. 129 00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:31,897 Burt's gonna be sheriff, 130 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:32,898 and I'm gonna be the deputy. 131 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,399 After dinner. 132 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,401 I don't think it's gonna happen that fast. 133 00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:40,405 Mare. Mare, what Danny's trying to say is... 134 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:41,406 You ready for this? 135 00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,911 I've decided to run for sheriff. 136 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,418 Hello. 137 00:05:53,859 --> 00:05:55,420 Sheriff, are you crazy? What if you win? 138 00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:57,422 Do you know how dangerous that is? 139 00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:58,924 You just got over almost dying. 140 00:05:58,925 --> 00:05:59,925 You want to try again? 141 00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,927 Well, maybe this time, he'll get it right. 142 00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,428 This time... 143 00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:04,429 No, no, Mare, listen to me. 144 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,430 Mare, Mare, I'm talking about... 145 00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:06,932 I wanna contribute to the world. 146 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,433 I wanna help my fellow man. 147 00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:09,935 I wanna clean up this town. 148 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,938 This is not Dodge City, Burt. 149 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,942 You want to clean something up, clean up the garage. 150 00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,444 Boy, I love that. 151 00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,947 "Clean up this town." 152 00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,950 You're starting to sound like a sheriff already. 153 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,451 Hey, listen, can I be your deputy? 154 00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,953 Come on, let me be your deputy, huh, Burt? 155 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,956 Hang on. No. I'm gonna be the deputy. 156 00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,958 Oh, come on, Burt, I'd be a natural. 157 00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,459 It's in my genes. 158 00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,462 My uncle was a nightstick. 159 00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,465 Burt, you're not seriously going to do this. 160 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,466 Yeah, Mare, what's the matter? 161 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:42,968 There's nothing to worry about. 162 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,971 Nothing to worry to about? What if you get killed? 163 00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,973 Mare, I'm not gonna get killed. 164 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,475 Okay. Okay, what experience have you had? 165 00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:52,978 What do you know about being a sheriff? 166 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,980 I know everything I need to know. 167 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,481 Mary, I got reflexes. 168 00:06:56,482 --> 00:07:00,986 Reflexes, guts, and a will of iron. 169 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,487 Yeah. 170 00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:04,489 Mom, he'll make a great sheriff. 171 00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,490 Look how good he looks. 172 00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:07,492 BURT: Yeah, come on, please. 173 00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,994 All right, just let me show you my reflexes. 174 00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,495 I got the reflexes of a snake. 175 00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:12,998 Here. Danny, this is a knife. 176 00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:14,499 We're going to pretend this is a knife. 177 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:17,502 Now, Danny's gonna play a mad, psychotic, 178 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,004 sick, demented killer. 179 00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,007 He's going to come at me with a knife, 180 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,509 I will disarm him, and I will apprehend him. 181 00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:25,510 Please watch. 182 00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:55,040 Hi. 183 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,041 Mm! 184 00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,543 There you are. Where have you been? 185 00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:01,046 Jessica, you'll swallow the cotton. 186 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,547 Mm? Oh... 187 00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:04,549 Oh, Mary, I waited and waited for you. 188 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:06,551 I had to go to the obstetrician. 189 00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:09,054 I didn't want to come in here without you. 190 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,555 I hid in the ladies' room, 191 00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:14,059 and that pushy dental hygienist came in and found me. 192 00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,560 Did you have novocaine? 193 00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:16,561 Yeah. You? 194 00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:19,564 I asked to be put to sleep, 195 00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:22,568 but he refused to do that for just a cleaning. 196 00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:28,073 What did the baby doctor say? 197 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,075 Everything seems to be just fine. 198 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,077 Oh, you see? 199 00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,579 Jessica, I could still give birth to an alien. 200 00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,580 There's no way of telling now. 201 00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:36,581 Have you told Burt yet? 202 00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:37,582 No. 203 00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:39,584 Well, maybe he'll never know. 204 00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,087 If the baby comes out silver, he'll know. 205 00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:47,592 Probably. 206 00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:50,095 What's happening with you and that psychiatrist? 207 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,596 Oh, he's very nice, Mary. 208 00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:53,598 He is very, very nice. 209 00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:55,100 Have you slept with him? 210 00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,102 Oh, no. I'd be afraid to. 211 00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:58,103 Why? 212 00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,604 Well, because, Mary, he's a psychiatrist. 213 00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:01,606 He's gotta be the greatest lover in the world. 214 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,108 They know everything about sex. 215 00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,110 They're the ones that write those books. 216 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:07,112 So, you see, 217 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,613 I cannot sleep with him 218 00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:12,617 until I'm sure that I can do it absolutely perfectly. 219 00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:15,120 There is no absolutely perfectly. 220 00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,122 Well, there's very good. 221 00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:20,625 So I won't do it until I know that I'm very good. 222 00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,627 Of course, I don't know how in the world 223 00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:24,629 I'm going to get in any practice. 224 00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:28,133 Oh, Jessica, I'm sure you're very good. 225 00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:30,635 I don't know. I mean, how can you tell? 226 00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,137 With tennis, 227 00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:36,641 I can look at Chris Evert, and I know I'm not, but this... 228 00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:38,143 I'm beginning to get a little numb. 229 00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:39,644 Mm... Me too. 230 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:43,648 Mary... uh, did you ever...? 231 00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,150 I don't know how to put this. 232 00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,152 You know, sometimes when you're at a party, 233 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,653 and you're having an awful time, 234 00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:51,656 and you dance and laugh like you're having a lot of fun. 235 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,158 Do you ever do that in bed? 236 00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,662 Dance and laugh? 237 00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,664 No. 238 00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,665 You mean fake it? 239 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:01,666 Shh! 240 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,668 Is that what you mean? Did I ever fake it? 241 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:04,669 Yes. 242 00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:05,670 Did you? 243 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:06,671 Maybe once. 244 00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:08,673 Oh. 245 00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:11,176 You? Maybe once. 246 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,178 The only time I do it is when I'm tired, 247 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:16,681 and I just want to get him to stop. 248 00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:19,184 Well, once in a while, 249 00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,186 I have simply because I couldn't 250 00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:24,189 and I didn't want him to think he was bad. 251 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,691 Of course that made it more difficult later on 252 00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:27,692 when he continued to do 253 00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:31,196 what he thought had worked so well before. 254 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,701 Could I have a drink of water? 255 00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:37,702 Oh, yeah. 256 00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,705 Sure. Here. 257 00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:46,711 Oh, God. Look what I've done. 258 00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,213 I have no feeling in my face. 259 00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:52,217 Oh, Mary, that's very funny. 260 00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,218 Look at you. 261 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,720 You're crooked. 262 00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:58,223 You're laughing crooked. 263 00:10:58,224 --> 00:10:59,724 Don't make me laugh. 264 00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:01,727 Your mouth is going downhill. 265 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,730 Here, I'll get us some towels. 266 00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:08,733 I just love these gadgets. 267 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:09,734 Look at this. 268 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:18,243 I can see one nostril. 269 00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:20,245 I like the drill that squirts water. 270 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,247 I hate the drill. 271 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:23,748 I hate this place. 272 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:27,252 I'm leaving. My teeth are fine. 273 00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,253 Jessica... 274 00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:30,255 No, he'll make me spit in the bowl, Mary, 275 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,756 and I can't spit in the bowl. 276 00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:32,757 It's so rude, 277 00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:34,759 and the one time I tried to spit in the bowl, 278 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,262 I missed it, and I spit on his leg. 279 00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,266 Goodbye, Mary. 280 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:42,767 Jessica, come on, now. 281 00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:44,769 You have been doing this since we were children. 282 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,771 It'll be okay. 283 00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:47,772 Really. 284 00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,274 I'll hold your hand. 285 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,275 Come on. 286 00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,777 Okay, Mrs. Campbell, we're ready for you. 287 00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:53,778 Oh, God. No. 288 00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:54,779 Oh, Mary. 289 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:55,780 I can't. 290 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,782 Of course you can, Mary. 291 00:11:57,783 --> 00:11:59,784 Come on, it's gonna be easy. 292 00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:02,287 Come on, I'll stay with you, 293 00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:04,289 and I'll hold your hand, 294 00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:09,294 and I'll... I'll sing to you, Mary. 295 00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:10,795 You promise? 296 00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:12,297 I promise. 297 00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,310 And that's the whole story, Mr. Mallu. 298 00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,312 She came back for the baby, 299 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,314 and I came to you because you're the best. 300 00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:30,315 I'm really up a tree. 301 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,317 Yup. 302 00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,319 Well, what do you suggest? 303 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,321 Build a tree house. 304 00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:37,822 Excuse me? 305 00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:40,825 Look, I've had it with your family. 306 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:43,328 I've never met such a bunch of lunatics in my life. 307 00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:44,829 Hey, wait a minute. 308 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,331 And the thing of it is, 309 00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:49,334 they're all specialized lunatics. 310 00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:50,835 One guy plays with dolls. 311 00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:52,837 Another guy thinks he's invisible. 312 00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:55,340 The old man is... somewhere in the South Pacific. 313 00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:59,844 Plus, I fell in love with your Aunt Jessica. 314 00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,346 Jessica, Jessica. 315 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,847 My God, how is she? 316 00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,349 I take it you're not gonna help me. 317 00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,351 The Lone Ranger couldn't help you. 318 00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,853 Well, I'm sorry to take up so much of your time. 319 00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:09,854 How is she? 320 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:10,855 Who? 321 00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:11,856 Your Aunt Jessica. 322 00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,858 Are you gonna take the case or not? 323 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,860 She's the most beautiful, exciting woman I've ever met. 324 00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,362 Mr. Mallu! 325 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:18,363 I can't take the case. 326 00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:20,365 I don't do custody cases. 327 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,866 The father rarely wins. 328 00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,868 I don't like to lose. 329 00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:27,372 My father said to me once, "Hey, Ronald," he said, 330 00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:31,377 "Winning isn't everything, but losing sucks." 331 00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:39,384 Mr. Mallu, this is not about winning or losing. 332 00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,386 This is about the fate of one child. 333 00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,887 That's good stuff. 334 00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:46,391 Your Honor, this case isn't about winning or losing. 335 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,892 It's about the fate of one small child. 336 00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:50,395 I stuck in "small." It gives it more impact. Good stuff. 337 00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,397 See, I'm a good father, and she's a lousy mother. 338 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:53,398 Doesn't matter. She's the mother. 339 00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:54,899 You'll be laughed out of court. 340 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:55,900 But that's my daughter! 341 00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:56,901 You're a homosexual! 342 00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:57,902 You're a coward! 343 00:13:57,903 --> 00:13:59,404 What? 344 00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:02,407 A lawyer is somebody who protects and defends people. 345 00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,409 The only thing you're interested in protecting 346 00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,910 is yourself. 347 00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:08,413 I need a lawyer, Mr. Mallu. 348 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:09,415 Good day. 349 00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:11,917 It isn't gonna be easy. 350 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,919 Does this mean you change your mind? 351 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,421 Is there a law against that? 352 00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,424 There are a few things I have to know. 353 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,425 Shoot. 354 00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:21,926 Tell me, 355 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:25,430 is her hair still as red as the Acapulco sunset? 356 00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,432 Who? 357 00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,433 Forget it. 358 00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:29,434 Better I don't know. 359 00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:30,935 Is it? Mr. Mallu! 360 00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:32,437 No, cancel it. Never mind. 361 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:35,440 We have to find a way to discredit the child's mother. 362 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,441 That won't be easy. 363 00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,443 Mr. Dallas, please. 364 00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:41,946 I've been discrediting people since before you were born. 365 00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,448 All we have to do is show 366 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:44,949 that the woman associated herself 367 00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:45,990 with nefarious characters. 368 00:14:47,413 --> 00:14:48,453 Who was her last employer? 369 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,455 You were. 370 00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,457 Carol David? My former assistant? 371 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,458 That's her. 372 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:58,963 This is a spider web of intrigue. 373 00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:01,466 Twisted plots. High drama. 374 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,967 We'll get the movie rights. 375 00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,969 Alan Alda can play me. 376 00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,471 Okay, okay. 377 00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,973 Let's see what we've got here. 378 00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,475 You are a, ahem, 379 00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:11,976 homosexual. 380 00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:12,977 And as I remember, 381 00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:14,479 you once tried to commit suicide. 382 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,480 Does anyone know that? 383 00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,482 Carol. Swell. 384 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,484 It was right before my sex-change operation... 385 00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:20,985 You used to be a woman? 386 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,487 No, no, no. I didn't do it. 387 00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:23,988 Too bad. 388 00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:26,992 Two mothers fighting over the same child? 389 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:31,496 Talk about a movie. 390 00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,997 Okay, okay. 391 00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:35,500 Let me wade through this and see what I come up with. 392 00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,502 If I need any more information, I'll get in touch. 393 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,505 You really think we have a chance? 394 00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:42,507 If there's a crack in the plaster, 395 00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:45,009 we'll knock down the wall. 396 00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,512 I'll be in touch. 397 00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:50,014 One more thing. 398 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,015 Yeah? 399 00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:54,018 Does she ever... talk about me? 400 00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:55,019 Carol? 401 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:57,021 Jessica. Mr. Mallu! 402 00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:58,702 Forget it. Never mind. I'll call you later. 403 00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:04,028 Thanks, Mr. Mallu. I really appreciate this. 404 00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:06,531 This is the most important thing in my life. 405 00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:15,541 Wanda, call my fiancée and cancel my marriage. 406 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:24,549 Corinne, which scarf do you think looks the best? 407 00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,551 Well, I don't know. 408 00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,052 Oh, they both look bad. 409 00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:29,554 Oh, Ma, you look lovely. 410 00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:31,055 Oh, Corinne, 411 00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:34,058 my psychiatrist is coming to dinner, 412 00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:37,062 and I look like an organ grinder. 413 00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:41,566 Hi. 414 00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:42,567 Hi. 415 00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,569 You look nice. 416 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,070 I do? 417 00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,071 Yeah. 418 00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,074 Oh. 419 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,097 Oh, here, taste the sauce for the duck. 420 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:56,581 How is it? 421 00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:57,582 Mmm, it's wonderful. 422 00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,083 It stinks. 423 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,084 It's them apricots. 424 00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:01,586 One apricot too many, 425 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,087 and the whole sauce is down the soup. 426 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,091 Oh, dear. Oh, that's him. 427 00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:08,593 That's him. Oh... 428 00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:12,598 Oh, dear God, please let everyone behave tonight. 429 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:14,599 Hi. 430 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,600 Hi. 431 00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:16,601 Come in. 432 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,102 This is Corinne. 433 00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:20,104 Hi. Hi. 434 00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:22,106 And this is Dutch. Hi. 435 00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:24,609 The sauce just bit the big one. 436 00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:27,111 Fine. 437 00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:28,613 Corinne is my daughter. 438 00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,114 I know. 439 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,617 And Dutch is, uh... 440 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:36,120 our friend. 441 00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:37,121 But don't get the wrong idea. 442 00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,623 Yeah, the other night, that didn't mean nothing. 443 00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:41,626 He's right. 444 00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:43,629 Yeah, that wasn't just wanton sex. 445 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,130 Excuse me. 446 00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:47,632 I gotta go baste my duck. 447 00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:52,136 Do you feel that they're being foolish? 448 00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:53,638 Jessica, I don't have the faintest idea 449 00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,139 what they're talking about. 450 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,141 Thank you for your discretion. 451 00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:03,147 Yes? 452 00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:04,649 Excuse me. 453 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,150 I'm the maitre d' of the Tokyo Gardens. 454 00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:07,652 Is Mrs. Tate in? 455 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,654 Why, yes. 456 00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,656 Mr. Teshamado, please come in. 457 00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:12,657 Come in. 458 00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:15,159 What a surprise to see you. 459 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,661 Mrs. Tate, I hate to be a bother, 460 00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,162 but I'm afraid he's at it again. 461 00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:19,664 Oh, dear. 462 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:22,166 This time, he took them all at once. 463 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,167 The dishes are piling up. 464 00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:25,670 The place is in total chaos. 465 00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:29,173 Oh, I am so sorry, Mr. Teshamado. 466 00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:33,177 Oh, Daddy! Mr. Teshamado is here. 467 00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:49,193 Well, general, I've got to hand it to you. 468 00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,194 They didn't tell me a thing. 469 00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:52,196 I shall expect a release 470 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:55,700 of the same number of my officers by 0600. 471 00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:58,203 Carry on. 472 00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:02,707 My father. 473 00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,208 I guessed. 474 00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:06,711 Oh, dear. 475 00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:12,216 Sayonara and tempura. 476 00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,217 Burt... 477 00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:14,719 Hey, Jess, what do you think? 478 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,220 Huh? I knew you'd love it. 479 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,222 It's like this. I got a whole assortment here. 480 00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:19,223 What do you see? 481 00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,725 Hold the presses. Take your pick. 482 00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:23,728 Take a gamble, vote for Campbell. Huh? 483 00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:26,230 Wait a minute, this is even better. 484 00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:28,232 I got more here. Look at this one. 485 00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:31,736 Graft is dirty, vote for Burty. 486 00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,738 Huh? What do you think? 487 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:35,239 Hi, stranger. 488 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,241 My name is Burt Campbell. I'd never lie to you. 489 00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:38,743 I know I can count on your vote. 490 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,244 That's it. Wait a minute. 491 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:41,746 This is my most favorite one of all. 492 00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:43,247 This is the one. 493 00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:46,751 Vote for Burt. 494 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,253 Doesn't rhyme, but I think it sort of says it all. 495 00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:51,756 I think the outfit sort of says it all. 496 00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,758 Oh, I like you, stranger. 497 00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:55,760 Here, be my guest. 498 00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:56,761 Corinne, here. 499 00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,764 Jess. I'm on the trail. 500 00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:00,765 Leslie. 501 00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,266 Leslie? 502 00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:03,768 Leslie. Leslie, the teacher. 503 00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,770 Magna Carta. Louisiana Purchase. How you doing? 504 00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:06,771 Fine. 505 00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,272 Oh, here. 506 00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:09,273 Here's something for your bumpers. 507 00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:10,775 Excuse me, I gotta go. 508 00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,276 My brother-in-law. 509 00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:14,278 Is Billy home? 510 00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:16,280 No, dear, I'm afraid he isn't. 511 00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:18,282 Oh. 512 00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,284 It's Billy's teacher. 513 00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,287 She's a little upset because he's not home. 514 00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,792 She must get hysterical when he's late for class. 515 00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:29,794 He's left me. I just know it. 516 00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:31,295 Uh... 517 00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,798 Oh, Leslie, why don't you just go upstairs 518 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:35,299 and freshen up, dear, 519 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,801 and then you can join us later for dinner. 520 00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:39,303 Oh, thank you. 521 00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:40,805 Jessica, is it always like this? 522 00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,308 Always like what? 523 00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:49,814 I think I should set up an office here. 524 00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:55,821 Daddy... 525 00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:58,823 I'm back, Jess. 526 00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:01,325 Oh, God. I'm back. 527 00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:02,827 Chester... 528 00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,328 Before you say a word, Jess, 529 00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,831 I would like you to know I've strayed, 530 00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:08,833 but I am back, Jess. 531 00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,334 I left her. 532 00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,335 I had to leave her. 533 00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:12,837 Broke her heart. 534 00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:14,839 She pleaded with me, offered me money, new clothes, 535 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,841 but I pushed her aside, Jess. 536 00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,343 In short, I'm home. 537 00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:23,347 Chester, this is Alan Posner. 538 00:21:23,348 --> 00:21:24,348 Dr. Alan Posner. 539 00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:25,850 Ah... 540 00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:26,851 He's my date. 541 00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:28,352 But I live here. 542 00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:29,353 Not anymore. 543 00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:30,855 Does he? Not yet. 544 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:42,366 Chester, I told you never to come here again. 545 00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:44,368 But I'm all right now, Jess. 546 00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:47,371 Really, you know the problem that I had with... cheating. 547 00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:49,373 Well, I went to a clinic, 548 00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:52,877 and they told me it was a simple allergic reaction. 549 00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:54,378 Bull. Bull? 550 00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:57,882 Bull, and this man, Chester, is a psychiatrist. 551 00:21:57,883 --> 00:21:59,383 Now, I want you to leave. 552 00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:01,385 You don't belong here anymore. 553 00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:06,390 Very well, Jess. I'll go... if you wish. 554 00:22:06,391 --> 00:22:08,893 I'm going to get you back, Jess. 555 00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:11,896 I love you, and I'm going to win you back. 556 00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:14,398 Hope you like a good fight, my man, 557 00:22:14,399 --> 00:22:18,402 because I'm going to fight, and I am going to win. 558 00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:21,405 Oh, Jess! Please take me back! 559 00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:22,907 Chester, get up. Get up. 560 00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:24,408 All right. 561 00:22:24,409 --> 00:22:27,411 All right, I'll leave, but I shall return. 562 00:22:27,412 --> 00:22:29,413 I shall return. 563 00:22:29,414 --> 00:22:31,916 MAJOR: Is MacArthur here? 564 00:22:34,419 --> 00:22:37,922 Dinner is served. 565 00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:40,424 You must think we're crazy. 566 00:22:40,425 --> 00:22:41,926 Oh, don't be silly. 567 00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:43,928 You mean you don't think we're crazy? 568 00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:47,431 No. Eccentric maybe, but crazy, no. 569 00:22:47,432 --> 00:22:49,934 Jessica, if there is anyone crazy in this house, it's me. 570 00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:51,435 You? 571 00:22:51,436 --> 00:22:53,437 I've only known you for a short amount of time, Jessica, 572 00:22:53,438 --> 00:22:55,439 and I think I'm in love with you. 573 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,941 Now, that's really crazy. 574 00:22:58,944 --> 00:23:02,947 I have been enamored of you for quite some time. 575 00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:06,450 But out of respect, I've admired you from afar. 576 00:23:06,451 --> 00:23:07,952 Oh... 577 00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:10,454 But what you've done with our boys, wonderful. 578 00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:12,456 Can you believe this? 579 00:23:12,457 --> 00:23:14,959 Dinner with Eleanor Roosevelt. 580 00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:29,473 ANNOUNCER: What are the chances of Mary having an alien baby? 581 00:23:29,474 --> 00:23:31,976 Would she be able to find clothes in its size? 582 00:23:31,977 --> 00:23:33,477 Are Billy and Leslie really through? 583 00:23:33,478 --> 00:23:35,479 How will this affect his grades? 584 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,982 Will Chester win Jessica back from the psychiatrist? 585 00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:39,984 Now that Mallu is back handling Jodie's case, 586 00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:42,486 will he be back to handle Jessica as well? 587 00:23:42,487 --> 00:23:43,988 Will Burt be sheriff? 588 00:23:43,989 --> 00:23:45,990 If Burt is sheriff, will Danny be deputy? 589 00:23:45,991 --> 00:23:47,992 If Burt is sheriff and Danny is deputy, 590 00:23:47,993 --> 00:23:49,493 will Mary be mad? 591 00:23:49,494 --> 00:23:50,995 These questions and many others will be answered 592 00:23:50,996 --> 00:23:53,498 on the next episode of... Soap. 593 00:23:58,503 --> 00:24:01,005 Soap is videotaped before a studio audience. 40902

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