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00:00:03,449 --> 00:00:04,570
In the last episode of Soap,
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00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,071
Jessica found Chesterin a hotel room
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00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:07,072
with another woman,
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00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:09,074
and told him he had better find
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00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:10,576
another place to live.
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00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,077
Jodie found outsomeone had complained
7
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:14,079
to the welfare departmentabout him.
8
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,581
Dutch found out
9
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:17,583
Eunice has been fooling aroundwith another man,
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00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:21,587
and Jessica met Billy's teacherand found her very nice.
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00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,088
Want to find out more?
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00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:26,092
Stay tunedfor this episode of... Soap.
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00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,098
This is the storyof two sisters,
14
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:35,100
Jessica Tate
15
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,603
and Mary Campbell.
16
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:41,106
These are the Tates,
17
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:45,110
and these are the Campbells,
18
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:48,114
and this is Soap.
19
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,144
Who is it?
20
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,145
It's me, Ma.
21
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,147
Who?
22
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:23,149
Corinne.
23
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:28,654
How do I know it's really you?
24
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,656
Ma, you can hear it's me.
25
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:35,160
No, you might be Chester,
disguising your voice.
26
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:36,161
Ma, I swear.
27
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:37,663
I'm not Daddy.
I'm me.
28
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,665
Are you alone?
29
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:40,666
Yes, I'm alone.
30
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,167
Please open the door.
31
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:44,670
I'm holding a tray.
32
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:45,671
How long are you
33
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,674
going to stay
locked in your room?
34
00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:51,677
Until I know
he is not in the house.
35
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,178
Why don't you just talk to him?
36
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:55,180
I have nothing to say to him.
37
00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:56,181
Well, maybe he does.
38
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,683
I know,
39
00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:00,185
and I've heard it all before.
40
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:02,187
I love eating on trays,
don't you?
41
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,690
I love eating.
42
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,191
Ma, just talk to him.
43
00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:08,193
The only trouble is
44
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:09,695
that no matter
how careful you are,
45
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,697
there's always crumbs
in the bed,
46
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,700
even if you're only having soup.
47
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,202
Won't you feel better
resolving this
48
00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:18,203
one way or the other?
49
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,705
Uh-oh, look at that.
50
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,207
Mm-mm, crumbs already.
51
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:27,713
Well, I'll just brush them over
on Chester's side.
52
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,214
You see,
53
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:32,718
there are some advantages
to sleeping alone.
54
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:35,721
Of course, that's the only one
I can think of.
55
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:38,223
Ma, you should see him.
56
00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:39,224
He sits in the living room,
57
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:41,226
and every time someone walks by,
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00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:43,228
he grabs their arm and weeps.
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00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,730
It's impossible
60
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,231
to get anything
done around here.
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00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:49,234
Maybe if you just talk to him,
he'll go away.
62
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,736
Oh, I can't, Corinne.
63
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,237
Not now.
64
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,739
Maybe soon.
65
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:54,741
Five or 10 years.
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00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:58,243
All right, let me know
67
00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,244
if you want anything else, okay?
68
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:00,245
All right, darling.
69
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:01,246
Thank you.
70
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:02,748
You know, this is the first time
71
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:04,249
I've stayed in my room like this
72
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,251
since I had the measles.
73
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,252
Good night, darling.
74
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:08,253
Good night, Ma.
75
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,254
Thank you.
76
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,255
You're welcome.
77
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,258
Bye-bye.
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00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:19,765
Chester,
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00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:22,267
you get out of here.
80
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:23,769
Jess, please, just listen.
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00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,772
Oh! There goes my spleen.
82
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,274
Well, you're lucky
that's all that it is.
83
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:30,275
Jess, please listen.
84
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,276
I'm sick.
85
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:32,277
I've got a disease.
86
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:36,282
Well, with the company you keep,
I don't wonder.
87
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,786
No, Jess, not that.
88
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:41,787
Don't you understand?
89
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:42,788
I can't help it.
90
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,289
What I do is a sickness.
91
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:45,791
Oh, really?
92
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:46,792
Is that what you call it,
93
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,293
a "sickness"?
94
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:51,296
And the cure is bed, is it?
95
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:53,298
I'll get help, Jess,
96
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,800
if you'll just give me
another chance.
97
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:56,301
I'll get help, I swear it.
98
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:57,803
If I were diabetic,
you wouldn't throw me out.
99
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,304
If you were a diabetic,
100
00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,807
you'd stay away
from the cookies.
101
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,811
Jess, I want help.
102
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:06,812
I swear it.
103
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,313
I hate what I do as much as you.
104
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:09,314
Oh, I know.
105
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:12,818
It's a real drag, isn't it?
106
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:16,822
All that dressing
and undressing.
107
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:19,324
You won't believe me, will you?
108
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,827
If I were a fat man
who couldn't stop eating,
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00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:23,328
you wouldn't throw me out.
110
00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:26,832
If I couldn't stop drinking,
you'd let me stay.
111
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:27,833
Well, this is no different.
112
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,836
I'm sick, Jess.
113
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:33,338
I'm a sick man, and I'm in need.
114
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,842
Oh, Chester, don't cry.
115
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:39,845
I'm a sick man, Jess.
116
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:45,350
I'm sick, and I'm hurting,
and I'm scared.
117
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:48,353
Okay, Chester, okay.
118
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,855
Look, we'll talk.
119
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:50,856
You'll get help...
120
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,357
Thanks, Jess.
121
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,359
But, in the meantime,
122
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,360
you'll stay in the guest room.
123
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,862
Guest room?
124
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,864
Yes, well, look at it
this way, Chester.
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00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,365
You have a disease,
126
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:02,868
and I don't want you too near me
127
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,369
until you're cured.
128
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,885
Well.
129
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:20,886
So you'll keep in touch?
130
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,387
Yes, I will, Miss Page.
131
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:23,388
Thanks for coming by.
132
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,890
Because if you don't hire me,
133
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:25,891
I got a job offer
134
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,392
from a couple of chinks
down the block
135
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:29,394
with two little brats...
136
00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:30,395
so let me know.
137
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:31,897
You'll be the first one I call.
138
00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:33,398
Nice seeing you, lady.
139
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,900
Fine.
140
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,404
You believe that?
141
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:42,908
Apply for a nanny,
and Rommel comes over.
142
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,409
It's been like that all day.
143
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:45,410
She wasn't so bad.
144
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,411
Are you kidding?
145
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:48,413
Of all of them,
she was the most charming.
146
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,415
Jodie, some of them
were very, very nice.
147
00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:51,917
You're just being picky.
148
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:52,918
I can't help it, Ma.
149
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,920
I'm looking for someone
very special,
150
00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:57,422
very loving, very unique.
151
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:58,924
Like who?
152
00:05:58,925 --> 00:05:59,925
Like you,
153
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:00,926
only I can't find her.
154
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:02,928
I'm sitting right here.
155
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,429
Oh, come on, Ma,
I'm being serious.
156
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,931
And I'm not?
157
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,432
Mom, you can't run
down here every day.
158
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:08,433
It's an hour's drive.
159
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:10,936
True... but you could move home.
160
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:11,937
Ma.
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00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,438
Why not?
162
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:14,940
I'd love it.
163
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,942
Burt would love it.
164
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,445
Even Bob has said
he's looking forward to...
165
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:25,450
Burt and I would really love it.
166
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:28,453
Ma, it took me 26 years
to move out.
167
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:30,455
Besides, I don't want
to tie you down.
168
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:31,456
Tie me down to what?
169
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:33,959
What do I have to do all day?
Rope cattle, what?
170
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,460
Ma, you're forgetting
171
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:37,462
how much time
a baby demands of you.
172
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:38,964
But there's me and Burt
173
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,465
and Mrs. Burns
down the street.
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00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,467
Oh, she'd adore
sitting with Wendy
175
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:43,969
a few days a week.
176
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,470
Mrs. Burns. You mean that
sweet little old lady
177
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,972
who used to babysit for me?
178
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:47,973
Mm-hmm.
179
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,475
Ma, she was 90 back then.
180
00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:51,977
She's 62.
181
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,980
In 1930, she was 62.
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00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,481
Come on, Mare, let's go.
183
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:57,482
I fixed it.
184
00:06:57,483 --> 00:06:58,483
Fixed what?
185
00:06:58,484 --> 00:06:59,985
The thing that needed fixing.
186
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:00,986
What thing?
187
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:01,987
Doesn't matter.
188
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,488
You've got to get
a new one anyway.
189
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:04,990
Jodie, those things
don't last forever.
190
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:05,991
What thing?
191
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:06,992
"What thing?" again.
192
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:07,993
Please, Mary, let's go, huh?
193
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,494
Bla-la-la-la.
Grandpa.
194
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:11,497
Come on, Mare, let's go.
195
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:16,001
Burt, talk to Jodie.
196
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,502
Convince him I'm right.
197
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,504
Jodie, please, she's right, huh?
198
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:20,505
Your mother is right, huh?
199
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,007
Listen to her on this, huh?
200
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,008
She knows
what she's talking about.
201
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,510
Just trust her
on this one, okay?
202
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,514
What am I talking
about here, please?
203
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,516
Mom wants me to move back home.
204
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,018
So, come home.
205
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,019
Jodie, come on.
206
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,020
There's plenty of room.
207
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,521
Hey, you could go back to work,
208
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:37,522
and let's face it,
209
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:38,523
if you were living with us,
210
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:39,524
you wouldn't get those crackpots
211
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:41,026
from the Welfare
Department, right?
212
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,027
Well, yeah.
213
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,528
All right. So?
214
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:46,031
I don't know.
215
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:47,532
Come on, Jode, come home.
216
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,034
Come on.
217
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:50,035
We could do things
together again,
218
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,537
like hunting and fishing
in the old days.
219
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:55,040
We never did that.
220
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:58,543
Now we can.
221
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:01,046
Just think it over, okay, honey?
222
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,047
I will, Ma.
I promise.
223
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,548
I admit it does make some sense.
224
00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:04,549
Absolutely, it makes sense.
225
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:05,550
Come on, Jodie.
Think about it,
226
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:06,551
roll it over in your head,
227
00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:08,053
do whatever you want to do.
228
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,054
Bla-la-la-la.
Grandpa.
229
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,056
Come on.
230
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,057
Okay.
231
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,058
Goodbye, honey.
232
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:14,059
Bye.
233
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,561
Oh, please don't feel pressured
by us in any way.
234
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,562
I don't, Ma, really.
235
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:19,564
Does that mean you're
gonna move home?
236
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:20,565
Ma!
237
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:21,566
Mare.
238
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:22,567
Okay, okay.
239
00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:23,568
Just remember,
240
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:24,569
if you change your mind...
241
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:25,570
I'll call.
242
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,072
Should I write down the number?
243
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,573
I think I'll remember it.
244
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:29,574
Okay.
245
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:30,575
Bye.
246
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:31,576
Bye, Wendy.
247
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:32,577
Talk to you later.
248
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:35,080
If you should call,
we should be home in an hour.
249
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,581
Ma!
250
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:37,583
Bye.
251
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,087
Wait an hour and a half.
252
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,588
Traffic...
253
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:45,090
Bye.
Bye.
254
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:48,093
Lock this door.
255
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,595
Yeah.
256
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,111
Hey, uh, Mare?
257
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:08,113
What, Burt?
258
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,615
Can I ask you a little question?
259
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:11,617
Mm-hmm.
260
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:16,621
How was I?
261
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:19,124
Oh, Burt.
262
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,126
You were wonderful.
263
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,627
I told you that.
264
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:24,629
You're so silly.
265
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,131
You were wonderful.
266
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:33,138
Do you say that
to all the Burts...
267
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,139
Burt.
268
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,640
It's nothing, it's just...
269
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,142
I was just wondering,
that's all.
270
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,643
I told you.
271
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:40,645
It couldn't have been
any better, really.
272
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:43,648
It was the best ever.
273
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:44,649
Yeah?
274
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,652
Yeah.
275
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,656
The best ever for me,
or for any Burt?
276
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:52,657
Burt...
277
00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:54,659
I'm, just, Mare, I gotta know.
278
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:55,660
Can't you just forget it?
279
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:56,661
Forget it?
280
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:57,662
Mare, please.
281
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,164
There was another man
in my house...
282
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:00,165
in my bed,
283
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,668
in my... pajamas.
284
00:10:07,072 --> 00:10:08,673
There was another man
in the house, Mare.
285
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,175
Come on, how do I forget that?
286
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,676
It wasn't as if
287
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,178
I fell in love with another man.
288
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:14,679
It wasn't another man.
289
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:15,680
It was you.
290
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,182
To you, it was me.
291
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,183
To me, it wasn't me.
292
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,184
To me, it was
293
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,187
that hot little
silver guy that's...
294
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:24,689
So how was he?
295
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:25,690
I don't believe this.
296
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:26,691
I gotta know, Mare.
297
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:28,193
Come on, just, how was he?
298
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,194
I refuse to discuss this.
299
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,695
Great, huh?
300
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,197
Oh, yeah, he was really great?
301
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:33,698
What was so great?
302
00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:36,201
I mean, what did he do
that was so great?
303
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,702
I mean, how many ways are there
304
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:40,705
that someone can be much better
than someone else?
305
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:41,707
It's not like dancing.
306
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:47,212
I mean, there's not
a whole lot of steps.
307
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,213
So what did he do?
308
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:51,217
I mean, some fancy space stuff
that we don't have yet?
309
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:54,719
Was that it?
310
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,721
I'm not discussing this, Burt.
311
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:57,722
It's ridiculous.
312
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:59,224
Because if it was some kind
313
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,226
of science fiction-
type sex, Mary,
314
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:02,227
I cannot compete.
315
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,728
Those guys live forever.
316
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,730
I mean, I'm sure there are
a lot of things
317
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,232
that they could do forever.
318
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:10,235
So was that it?
319
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,238
I mean, could he,
you know... forever?
320
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,243
You know something?
321
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:19,744
You're selfish.
322
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:22,747
You are an incredibly
selfish man, Burt Campbell.
323
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:23,748
Don't change the subject here,
Mary.
324
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,250
I know what you're trying to do.
325
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,252
You're just trying
to throw me off the track.
326
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,253
No, I'm not.
327
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:29,254
I went through hell, Burt.
328
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,255
Hell.
329
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,256
The man I thought was you
330
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:32,757
was an animal, a maniac.
331
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:34,259
I had to keep moving
all the time.
332
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:36,261
If I sat down or, God forbid,
lay down,
333
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:37,263
it was all over.
334
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,265
I felt like a fly.
335
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,268
I had to keep going or get it.
336
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,272
And not only that,
337
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,274
he was always going
after other women.
338
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:52,277
Family, friends,
strangers, anyone.
339
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:53,778
So while you're all upset
340
00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:55,780
over how terrible it was
for you, Burt,
341
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,282
it was equally terrible for me.
342
00:11:57,283 --> 00:12:01,286
It was not only your ordeal.
343
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,788
It's incredible.
344
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:04,789
You and I had it terrible.
345
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,792
He had a ball.
346
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:13,298
I'm sorry, Mare.
347
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,299
Don't you see
348
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:15,800
that it could never be
as good with him,
349
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,302
because the most important thing
350
00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:18,304
was missing?
351
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,311
It was?
352
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:28,314
Yes.
353
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:31,817
Then how'd he do it?
354
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,320
No, Burt, not that.
355
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,322
Oh, I...
356
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,325
Too bad.
357
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:45,830
Love was missing, Burt...
358
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:46,831
and when that's missing,
359
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:48,333
all the expertise in the world
360
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:51,336
isn't gonna make it any good.
361
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,838
That's why
it couldn't come close
362
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:56,341
to being what it is with you.
363
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,847
Oh, Mare.
364
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,349
Burt, I love you, I love you.
365
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,351
I love you too, Mare.
366
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:12,357
Tell me one little thing he did
you really liked.
367
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:13,358
Burt!
368
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:14,859
Come on, Mare,
just one little thing.
369
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,361
Just... Not a big thing,
a little thing.
370
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:17,862
I'll never ask you again.
371
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:21,867
Well, he would...
bite my earlobe.
372
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,371
He would bite your earlobe?
373
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:27,372
Yes.
374
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:30,375
That's what you like,
earlobe biting?
375
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,876
Burt...
376
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:32,877
Is that what this
commotion is about?
377
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:33,878
Some little guy comes by,
378
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:34,879
chews on your ear,
379
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,381
everybody gets crazy?
380
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,383
Burt, you said,
"one little thing."
381
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,384
That's one little thing.
382
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,888
What was it, like this...?
383
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:44,889
Something...
384
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:45,890
Burt...
385
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,392
What did he do with the earring,
386
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:48,394
swallow it?
387
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:59,404
Hey, tell me,
388
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:00,905
how's it feel to be 18?
389
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:01,906
Pretty much the same.
390
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:02,907
So far,
391
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,409
only one minor artery
has hardened.
392
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:10,415
Corinne, have you seen Eunice?
393
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:13,918
Behind you.
394
00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:16,421
Just checking.
395
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:17,922
What was that?
396
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:18,923
Oh, Corinne,
397
00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:20,425
he is just driving me crazy.
398
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:21,426
I roll over in bed at night,
399
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,428
and he asks me where I'm going.
400
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:24,429
Well, I can't blame him, Eunice.
401
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,931
I mean, he practically
caught you red-handed
402
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:28,933
in a hotel with another guy.
403
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:32,937
Eric and I were discussing
insurance premiums.
404
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:33,938
Please, Eunice.
405
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:34,939
Insurance?
406
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,941
Really, we had an accident.
407
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:40,445
He rear-ended me.
408
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:44,450
I don't think your insurance
covers that.
409
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,453
You see that?
410
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,454
Do you see how he watches me?
411
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,457
He never takes his eyes off me.
412
00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:59,464
He doesn't trust you, Eunice.
413
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,465
Well, what kind of relationship
414
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:01,966
are we gonna have without trust?
415
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:03,968
Relationships
are built on trust.
416
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:04,969
Without trust,
417
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:05,970
you just don't have anything.
418
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:06,971
I'll be right back.
419
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:07,972
Where are you going?
420
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,474
To call Eric.
421
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,316
I've gotta tell him
we have to be more careful.
422
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:14,979
Jess?
423
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,481
Hi.
424
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:17,482
Hello.
425
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,983
You look very nice this evening.
426
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:19,984
Thank you.
427
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:20,985
Oh, Jess.
428
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:23,488
The hands!
429
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,489
No hands,
430
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:25,990
and no talking
431
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,992
unless it is
absolutely necessary.
432
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,994
Now, this is Billy's birthday,
433
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,496
and we don't want anyone to know
434
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,497
that there's trouble between us.
435
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,998
Anything you say, Jess.
436
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,500
And when someone comes close,
437
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,502
then we put up
some kind of a front...
438
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:41,005
Oh, Chester, you say
the funniest things.
439
00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:42,006
Oh, Jess...
440
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,508
The hands!
441
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,515
So, have you thought it over?
442
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,016
About moving back home?
443
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:53,017
Yeah.
And?
444
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:54,519
I don't know.
445
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,521
Well, we don't want
to pressure you in any way.
446
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,022
No, there's no pressure.
447
00:15:58,023 --> 00:15:59,524
Absolutely no pressure at all,
you understand that?
448
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:00,525
None.
449
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,027
Come home.
This is killing your mother.
450
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:05,030
Come home?
451
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:09,033
We'll try it.
452
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,036
There you go, Jodie.
453
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:13,037
Oh, Jessie,
454
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:15,039
I have the most wonderful news.
455
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,040
Jodie's moving back home.
456
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:18,543
Oh, Mary, I'm so happy for you.
457
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:22,047
Could Chester
have his apartment?
458
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:29,053
How are they?
459
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,054
How are who?
460
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:31,055
The hors d'oeuvres.
461
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:32,557
Oh, well, I haven't
tried them yet.
462
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,058
I'm really worried, big guy.
463
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:36,060
I never made
hors d'oeuvres before.
464
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:38,061
There wasn't much call for
them at cellblock eight.
465
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,064
I'm sure.
466
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:41,566
You know, rolling
the little bitty dough,
467
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,067
and rolling
the little bitty meat,
468
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,069
that isn't easy when
you've got stubby hands.
469
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,571
You see my hands?
470
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:47,572
They're stubby.
I see.
471
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:48,573
I've got stubby hands.
472
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:50,074
I see them, Dutch, I see them.
473
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,576
That's from hauling garbage
474
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,577
and greasing trucks,
475
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,078
and fitting sewer pipes.
476
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:56,081
Here, here, try one.
477
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,084
I think not.
478
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:02,086
Aw, come on, big guy,
just a little taste.
479
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:03,087
Maybe in a little while.
480
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:04,088
Take a bite.
481
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,591
No. Dutch...
482
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:09,594
How are they?
483
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,095
Mm, very good.
484
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,598
Aw, you're just saying that.
485
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:17,602
What's the matter, darling?
486
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,103
You seem nervous.
487
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:21,606
Oh, Ma, everyone is gonna meet
Leslie tonight.
488
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:22,607
It is nerve-wracking.
489
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:23,608
Last night, I dreamt she eloped
490
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,610
with the entire senior class.
491
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:29,113
Darling, you love Leslie?
492
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:32,117
Well, we all love you,
so we'll all love Leslie.
493
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:35,620
What's that for?
494
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,121
Just for being
such a terrific mother.
495
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,122
Aw, thank you.
496
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:40,644
That's her! She's here!
Everyone relax.
497
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,634
Oh...
498
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:57,141
Happy birthday, Billy.
499
00:17:57,142 --> 00:17:58,142
Thanks.
500
00:17:58,143 --> 00:17:59,644
Hey, 18 big ones, huh?
501
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,146
Well, he still looks
like jailbait to me.
502
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:03,648
Bob, come on.
503
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:06,150
So where's your teacher, huh?
504
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:07,652
Is she polishing her apples?
505
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:09,654
Bob...
506
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,159
Good evening.
507
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,160
Oh, Billy,
I'm so sorry I'm late.
508
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,662
Oh, are you late?
509
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:18,663
I didn't notice.
510
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:20,164
Everyone, this is Leslie Walker.
511
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,167
Leslie, this is everyone.
512
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:31,676
Hi, Teach.
513
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:34,178
You wanna go upstairs
and conjugate some verbs?
514
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:35,179
Bob.
515
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,682
Hi, I'm Burt.
516
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,183
P.S. 71,
class of '46.
517
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:40,685
Hi. Leslie Walker.
518
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:42,186
What's the capital of Arizona?
519
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,187
Phoenix.
520
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:44,188
Whoo-hoo!
521
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:45,189
You're right.
522
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:48,192
It's nice to see you.
523
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,694
That's his teacher?
524
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:50,695
Yeah, not bad, huh?
525
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:51,696
Not bad?
526
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,699
All my teachers
looked like Rocky Marciano.
527
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,701
I might've gone to a class
once in a while
528
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,703
if I had teachers
that looked like her.
529
00:18:58,704 --> 00:18:59,704
I might've gone to a class
530
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:02,206
if mine looked
like Rocky Marciano.
531
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:03,708
Hey.
532
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,714
You know something here?
533
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,716
It's very ironic.
534
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,217
What?
535
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:14,719
Well, they made it
illegal for teachers
536
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,721
to hit the students, and now...
537
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:17,722
Wait a minute. Hey!
538
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,725
Now the students
hit on the teachers.
539
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,728
It's ironic.
540
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:28,733
She's adorable.
541
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:30,735
Didn't I tell you?
542
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,236
Do you think they're...
543
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:33,237
you know...
544
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:35,239
No, absolutely not.
545
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,742
Please, he's a child.
546
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,745
He still plays with his boats.
547
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:43,748
Billy, I have
a little present for you.
548
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:45,249
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
549
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,751
I quit my job.
550
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,252
That's my present?
551
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:49,253
Well, I had applied for a job
552
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:50,755
at the university last semester,
553
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,757
and it came through.
554
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:54,258
So that means...
555
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,260
Exactly.
556
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:59,263
Mm-hmm.
557
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:01,766
What does it mean?
558
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:04,769
Well, it means
that I'm no longer your teacher.
559
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,270
Mrs. Fairbanks
is your teacher now.
560
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:07,271
See?
561
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:10,274
You mean I have to take out
Mrs. Fairbanks?
562
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:12,777
You're 18.
563
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:13,778
You're a man.
564
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:14,779
I'm no longer bound
565
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,781
by any legal or moral code.
566
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:19,784
I can safely give you
your present,
567
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,285
and tonight,
568
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:25,290
I'm gonna light up every candle
on your cake.
569
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:37,302
I better start
thinking of a wish.
570
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,807
Private...
571
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:45,810
is she bothering you?
572
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:46,811
Who, Gramps?
573
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:49,313
These camp followers
can be a pain.
574
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:51,315
Gramps,
this is Mrs. Walker.
575
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:52,316
Hello.
576
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,318
Mrs. Biff Walker?
577
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:57,822
Blackjack Biff's wife?
578
00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:01,325
Oh, your husband is one hell
of a pilot, Mrs. Walker.
579
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:02,827
Gramps...
580
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:05,329
You've got to be careful, son.
581
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:07,331
A non-com
with an officer's wife
582
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:09,333
can get you 20 years
in the brig.
583
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:12,336
Also, don't bite her shoulder.
584
00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:13,838
She hates that.
585
00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:19,343
Colorful family you have.
586
00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:21,846
Look, I know they seem
a little, uh...
587
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:24,849
And the Major seems a lot...
588
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:25,850
but don't let it
bother you, okay?
589
00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:27,351
It's not hereditary.
590
00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:28,352
I mean, deep down,
591
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:30,354
we're all strong-willed,
clear-minded people.
592
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:31,856
Oh, I wasn't worried.
593
00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:32,857
Good.
594
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:37,862
Eunice!
595
00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:39,363
So you have to be careful, huh?
596
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:40,865
You just stay away from me!
597
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:41,866
You asked for it, Eunice.
598
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,367
Wait a minute, what is going...
599
00:21:44,690 --> 00:21:46,370
Hey, guys, come on,
get a hold of yourself!
600
00:21:46,371 --> 00:21:47,371
Hey, hey, come on.
601
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:50,875
Chopped liver
never solved anything.
602
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:51,876
You're right, Burt, thanks.
603
00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:53,878
I should just kill her.
604
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,379
Hey, hey!
605
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:56,881
Oh, Jess, take me back.
606
00:21:56,882 --> 00:21:57,882
Take me back, please.
607
00:21:57,883 --> 00:21:58,883
I'll be good.
608
00:21:58,884 --> 00:21:59,884
Don't send me away.
609
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:00,885
Chester...
610
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:03,387
Oh, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie.
611
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:05,890
Why don't we go?
612
00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:06,891
Now?
613
00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:09,895
Yeah, it's time
to open my present.
614
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:15,900
What is with you?
615
00:22:27,913 --> 00:22:29,914
ANNOUNCER:
What will happen with Eunice and Dutch?
616
00:22:29,915 --> 00:22:31,415
Will she keep fooling around?
617
00:22:31,416 --> 00:22:33,417
Will he keep throwing food?
618
00:22:33,418 --> 00:22:35,419
What is Leslie'sbirthday present to Billy?
619
00:22:35,420 --> 00:22:37,421
Is it safe to betit won't come wrapped?
620
00:22:37,422 --> 00:22:39,423
What will happento Jessica and Chester
621
00:22:39,424 --> 00:22:40,925
now that she won't talk to him?
622
00:22:40,926 --> 00:22:42,426
Will they write notes?
623
00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:43,928
Will Burt continue to be jealous
624
00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:44,929
of Alien Burt's lovemaking?
625
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:46,430
Will Mary miss it?
626
00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:48,432
These questions and many others
627
00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:52,437
will be answeredon the next episode of Soap.
628
00:22:56,441 --> 00:22:59,443
Soap is videotapedbefore a studio audience.
40378
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