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ANNOUNCER:
In the last episode of Soap,
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00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,572
Burt and Saul triedto beam themselves home
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00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,574
but wound up insteadin ancient Rome.
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00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:10,075
Trying again,and this time hard,
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00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:12,578
they wound upin front of a firing squad.
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00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:15,080
Jessica, who's gottenDonahue to go,
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00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,082
is happy,except she doesn't know
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00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:18,584
that Chester,who's looking for work,
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00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:20,586
can be found looking for women
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00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,087
and playing around.
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00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,089
And Euniceis happy enough to shout,
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because Dutch from jailis getting out.
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Danny, whose lifewasn't worth a darn,
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00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,096
has been helped by Millieto escape from the barn.
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He's very happyshe saved his life,
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00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:36,101
but now she wantsto be his wife.
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00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,103
And Billy Tate'sstaying after school
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00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,105
to make up some work,but he's no fool.
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00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,107
His teacher's cute,so have no doubt,
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00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,109
he's not making up,he's making out.
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00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,111
Confused?
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00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,614
You won't beafter this episode of...
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00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:49,616
Soap.
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00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,621
This is the storyof two sisters,
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00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,623
Jessica Tate...
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00:00:57,624 --> 00:01:00,125
and Mary Campbell.
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00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:03,629
These are the Tates...
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00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:07,633
and these are the Campbells...
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00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,134
and this is...
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Soap.
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Burt! Burt!
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This is the worst.
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This is absolutely the worst.
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00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:45,671
Now I know why they
call it "mess".
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00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:51,677
Ma really
outdid herself this time.
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00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,681
Do you need more room?
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00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,182
No, I'm fine, thank you.
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00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:58,183
Could you pass that down,
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00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,184
please, honey?
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How can you eat that?
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Hey, after eating prison food,
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00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,690
this garbage tastes good.
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Anyone for seconds?
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00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:07,192
Eunice?
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00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,694
Stuffed.
Corinne?
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Late lunch.
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00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:10,696
Chester?
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00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:11,697
Couldn't possibly, dear.
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S-slight touch of flu.
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00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,200
Oh. Daddy?
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00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,202
I've got a meeting
of the Big Three.
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00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:19,705
I'd hate to throw up
all over Ike.
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00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:28,213
Well, at least Dutch
likes my cooking,
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00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,214
don't you, Dutch?
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00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:31,216
Hey, it's terrific.
Thank you.
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00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,719
I don't know why everybody
says it stinks.
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00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:36,722
Where's Billy?
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00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:39,224
Oh, he's working late at school.
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Lucky.
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00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:42,227
Where's Tim?
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He's missing his dinner.
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He's upstairs, praying.
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00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:50,235
Could you ask him
to pray for a cook?
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Darling, no offense,
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but we really
must replace Benson quickly.
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00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,741
Well, darling, I am trying.
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00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,743
I've interviewed several people.
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00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,745
But, you see, those that cook
don't clean,
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00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:00,746
and those that clean
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00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:05,250
don't speak
any identifiable language.
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00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,252
What's that stuff down there?
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00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:10,255
I have no idea.
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00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,257
Pass that down anyway,
will you, please?
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00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,261
Maybe we should get a tractor.
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00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:20,265
Ow!
76
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:21,767
Maybe tomorrow I'll cook.
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00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,268
Oh, no.
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00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:24,269
No, the last time you cooked,
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00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,271
the dog went to
the A.S.P.C.A.
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00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,274
and demanded to be put to sleep.
81
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,779
Dutch, what are you doing?
82
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,280
What do you mean?
83
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,282
That's a salad fork.
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00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,785
You're eating your entrée
with a salad fork.
85
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,289
Sorry, we didn't have
salad forks in prison.
86
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,291
We didn't even
have forks in prison.
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00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,794
Now that you mention it,
this one is much better.
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00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,295
It's bigger.
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00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:52,297
That's a dessert fork.
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00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,800
He's eating
with his dessert fork.
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00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:59,805
Hey, I got nine forks here!
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00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:04,810
That's because
several of them are mine.
93
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,311
Daddy, give him a break.
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00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:07,352
He just got out of prison.
95
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:11,317
Does he do everything
like he eats?
96
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,822
Darling,
maybe you'd better slow down,
97
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:17,823
just a little bit.
98
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,324
I'm sorry, honey.
99
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,826
It's just that in prison,
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00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,328
if you don't shovel it in
as fast as you can,
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00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:24,329
they take it away from you.
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00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:25,831
Arnold.
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00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,332
Who is this man?
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00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,834
Major...
105
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:31,837
Oh, Daddy,
surely you remember Dutch.
106
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:34,841
Are you insinuating
that my mind is gone?
107
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:37,843
How dare you ask me
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00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:40,846
such a ridiculous
and insulting question?
109
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:43,348
Of course I know Dutch.
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00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:52,358
What I want to know is,
who is that?
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00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,362
What do you think
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00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:58,363
you're doing with that, bud?
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00:04:58,364 --> 00:04:59,364
That's my arm.
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00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:00,866
Let go of my arm, you idiot.
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00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,868
Hey, uh, I'm sorry.
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00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,369
It's a force of habit.
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00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,370
In prison,
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00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,372
I always used to get
the last roll.
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00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:08,373
It's a tradition.
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00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:09,875
Here, big guy.
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00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:11,377
You want some butter?
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00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,883
Jessica...
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00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,386
Hey, I know
it's, uh, hard for you
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00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:22,888
having me here.
125
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:23,889
I make mistakes.
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00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,891
I eat too fast and I talk rough,
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00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,893
and it hurts.
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00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,895
It really hurts because...
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00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:34,399
I love Eunice...
and all the rest of you a lot,
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00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,402
so all I got to say is,
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00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:38,904
please bear with me,
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00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:41,406
because...
being a part of this family
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00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,408
is the best thing
that ever happened to me.
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00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,410
I promise,
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00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:47,913
someday I'll make you proud.
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00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:51,416
Now, if you'll excuse me,
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00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,919
I really got to go to the can.
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00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,439
BOB: Well...
Well, you too.
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00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:18,444
Yeah, all... All the luck
in the world.
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00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:22,448
Yeah, I hope you're
real happy, though.
141
00:06:26,673 --> 00:06:27,953
Yeah, I'll never
forget you, kid.
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00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,957
Goodbye.
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00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,967
I... I should have
married her.
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00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:43,969
Bob, look, you did
the right thing.
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00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,470
I mean, there's no way to tell
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00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,972
if that baby's yours or not.
147
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:47,973
I don't know.
I don't know.
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00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,474
I-I guess
I'll always wonder
149
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,476
if it looks like me, you know?
150
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:56,482
The hair, the eyes, the grain.
151
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:06,992
Danny.
152
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,994
Oh, thank God.
Danny.
153
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:09,995
Danny? Danny? It's Danny Dallas.
154
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:10,996
Uh, tall, masculine one.
155
00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,497
Let him in.
156
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:13,498
Are you all right?
157
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:14,499
Let me look at you.
158
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,001
I'm fine, Ma, really.
159
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,502
Oh, Danny, Danny.
160
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,004
It's all over now, Ma.
161
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,005
I'm home.
162
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,007
Let's just forget
it ever happened.
163
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,008
Hi. Danny?
164
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,010
I'm Burt.
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00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,512
And you. Oh-ho.
166
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,515
You must be Jodie.
167
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,520
Uh, everybody, this is Millie.
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00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,522
Millie. Right.
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00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:39,024
The outfit had me thrown there.
170
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,025
Oh, "Jodie."
What a laugh.
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00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,026
Millie.
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00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:43,028
Boy, it's really nice
to see you again.
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00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,029
We never met.
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00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,531
Hi, I'm Burt.
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00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,033
Burt.
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00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:51,036
Just being friendly.
177
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,537
Oh, that's very nice of you.
178
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:54,539
See that?
It was very nice of me.
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00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:58,543
Uh, Millie,
this is my mother, Mary.
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00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,545
Oh, how do you do?
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00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:01,546
I'm pleased to meet you, Millie.
182
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,048
Come in.
183
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,055
Who is she?
184
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:13,558
She's the, uh...
kidnapper's girlfriend.
185
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:15,560
And, Millie, this is Chuck.
186
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,062
Hi, Chuck.
187
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:18,063
Hi, Millie.
188
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,068
And that's Bob.
189
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:31,077
Are you quite through?
190
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:33,578
You believe this?
191
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:35,580
I need to be laughed at
in my own house?
192
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:36,581
Come on, Bob.
Yeah.
193
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,083
Well, I was going to
invite you upstairs
194
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,584
to kill off a fifth
of Johnny Walker,
195
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,587
but you blew it, lady.
196
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,092
I'm afraid I'm not
doing too well.
197
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:48,593
It's, uh,
really hard to tell here.
198
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,595
Why don't we all sit down?
199
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:51,596
Yeah.
200
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:52,597
Sitting is very good.
201
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,099
Yeah.
202
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:01,106
You have a lovely home, Mary.
203
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,109
Yeah, you do.
204
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,112
I do.
205
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,113
Uh, Burt and Mary.
206
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,614
We do. All of us do.
207
00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:10,736
It's a very nice place here.
208
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,118
Mint?
209
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:14,619
Oh...
210
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:15,620
Burt!
211
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:17,122
Just kidding.
212
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,124
Cigarette?
213
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,126
Mint cigarette? Menthol?
214
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,629
These have been used.
215
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,631
Would anyone like some coffee?
216
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:27,632
Millie?
217
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:29,134
Oh, no, thank you.
218
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,136
It repeats on me.
219
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,137
Fine.
220
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,638
So, uh...
221
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:35,640
tell us a little more
about yourself, here.
222
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,142
Uh, Burt...
I don't think...
223
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,144
I mean, what do you do?
I mean, now.
224
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:40,145
I'm clean.
225
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,147
I mean,
I'm trying to go straight.
226
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:43,648
I don't want to be part
227
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,650
of anybody
getting bumped off again.
228
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:48,654
That's so important.
229
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:53,158
This is sweet.
230
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,159
What?
231
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,160
Your family,
232
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,162
sitting around together,
chatting.
233
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,164
It's... It's really,
really lovely.
234
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,166
I never had that.
235
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,667
Me neither.
236
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,169
What?
237
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:06,171
Until now, I mean.
238
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:07,172
Now I have that.
239
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:11,176
Families are wonderful,
especially with relatives.
240
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,178
Go ahead.
241
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:14,679
Well, I just...
242
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,181
You know, you people...
243
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,182
I'm sorry.
244
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,683
Can I use your bathroom?
245
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:20,185
I won't take anything.
246
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,687
Upstairs, on the right.
247
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:25,690
It's just that...
you're all so wonderful.
248
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,198
She's a little nervous.
249
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,199
I saw that.
250
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,201
She's really a very nice girl.
251
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:39,704
But she's
the kidnapper's girlfriend.
252
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:40,705
I know, I know.
253
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:43,708
But she saved my life, Ma,
and I owe her.
254
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:47,712
I promised I'd take care of her,
and I can't go back on my word.
255
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:49,214
Please, Ma.
256
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:52,218
Just for a little while, okay?
257
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:54,720
Okay.
258
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,222
I'll show her the guest room.
259
00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,223
Thanks, Ma.
260
00:10:58,224 --> 00:10:59,725
Welcome home.
261
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,235
So how's it going?
262
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,237
Not bad.
263
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,238
Pretty good.
264
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,240
Can't complain.
265
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:17,742
Do I smoke?
266
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:18,743
No.
267
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,746
Oh, good. I hate it.
268
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:24,249
So, uh, what's new?
269
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,250
I've been meaning to ask you,
270
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,752
whatever happened
with that spaceship?
271
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,755
Spaceship?
What spaceship?
272
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,757
Are you saying
I saw a spaceship?
273
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:33,758
Hey, wait,
274
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:34,759
are you insinuating
that I saw a...
275
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,261
What is a spaceship?
276
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:37,762
Who told you anything
about a spaceship? Burt...
277
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:40,265
you told me you saw a spaceship!
278
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:43,269
That's the most ridiculous thing
I ever said!
279
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:51,776
Let's see.
280
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:53,278
I think I got everything.
281
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,780
Red pills, green pills,
purple pills,
282
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:58,283
Dramamine, brandy.
283
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:02,787
Are you flying home
with a rock group?
284
00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:05,290
I hate flying.
285
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,792
Well, you'd never know it.
286
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,294
Let's see.
287
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:10,795
I'll take one of these
at the airport,
288
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:13,298
then I'll ask the person
next to me on the plane
289
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:16,801
to slap me around a little
when we pull into Houston.
290
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:19,304
Once, I mistimed my pill
and wound up in Guatemala.
291
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:22,307
What time is your flight?
292
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,808
I forget.
293
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,310
You hate me, don't you?
294
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:26,811
No.
295
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:28,313
Listen, occasionally
I forget what flight I'm on.
296
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:29,814
You know what I mean.
297
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:31,316
For making Alice leave.
298
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:34,319
Yeah, well, uh...
299
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,321
you brought me my kid, though.
300
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:38,323
It's pretty hard to hate you.
301
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,324
Oh.
302
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:42,827
I always try too hard
to do the right thing.
303
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,329
When I was pregnant with Carol,
304
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:48,833
I read everything that everybody
ever wrote about being a mother.
305
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:53,338
I tried so hard to be
the best mama there ever was.
306
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,839
Then what happened?
307
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:55,840
My child goes
308
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,842
and runs off with a cowboy.
309
00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:00,845
A fake cowboy.
310
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:03,848
What do you call a male bimbo?
311
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:07,352
Cowboy's close.
312
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,853
So forget the books.
313
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:10,355
Go with your instincts.
314
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:12,357
Give her your love
and hope for the best.
315
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:14,359
Oh, that's my cab.
316
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,861
Take care of our little girl.
317
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,863
Goodbye, Wendy.
318
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:21,366
Send lots of pictures.
319
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,367
Okay.
320
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,368
Goodbye, Jodie.
321
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:24,369
Goodbye.
322
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,371
Uh, Mrs. David?
323
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:27,372
What?
324
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,874
Oh, my suitcase!
325
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:32,377
Bye.
326
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:44,390
Well... here we are.
327
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:51,396
It's just you and me, kid.
328
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:57,402
Shh, shh, shh.
329
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,903
Come on. No, no, no.
330
00:13:58,904 --> 00:13:59,904
♪ Come on, come on ♪
331
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:03,408
Come on, no. Shh.
332
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,409
Come on, come on.
333
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,911
See?
334
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:07,912
What? What? Shh.
335
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,414
Come on.
336
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:12,917
Mrs. David!
337
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,419
Wendy's crying!
338
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:15,920
Mrs....
339
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:17,422
Mrs....
340
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,927
Okay.
341
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:23,928
Hi.
342
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:26,431
No, no, no. Stop. Stop.
343
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:27,932
Come on, Daddy's here.
344
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:28,933
Come on.
345
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,435
Here we go.
346
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:31,936
Yeah. Yeah. Come on.
347
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:33,438
There you go.
348
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:34,439
All right.
349
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,941
All right.
350
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:37,942
All right.
351
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:38,943
That's a girl.
352
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:39,944
See? Huh?
353
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,446
You're okay now.
354
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:42,447
You know why?
355
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:44,449
♪ Your Daddy's here ♪
356
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:47,452
♪ Little girl ♪
357
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,953
Yeah.
358
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:49,954
Okay.
359
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:50,955
Yeah.
360
00:14:50,956 --> 00:14:52,457
You're Daddy's little girl, huh?
361
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,459
See?
362
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,461
You cry, I sing.
363
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,463
You wet, I dry.
364
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,465
You hurt, I heal.
365
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:01,966
Okay?
366
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:02,967
Yeah.
367
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,469
That's a good girl.
368
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:07,972
That's a girl.
369
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,474
Oh, God, Wendy.
370
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,975
What's going to happen
371
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:14,979
when you're 16
and you want to borrow the car?
372
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,481
Or you're 21, hmm?
373
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:20,485
And you bring home some goof
who wants to marry you.
374
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:21,986
"Hey, how you doin',
Mr. Dallas?"
375
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:24,989
"Hey, you know,
376
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:28,493
"I know you're a homo
and everything, but, uh...
377
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:31,997
I really want
to marry Wendy, you know?"
378
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,501
Oh, look at that.
379
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,503
Three months old,
and I got you married already.
380
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,004
And to some jerk, yet.
381
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:42,006
Doesn't he know
you're Daddy's little girl?
382
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:44,008
Doesn't he? Huh?
383
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:46,010
Okay.
384
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,512
Let's go to sleep.
385
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,013
There you go.
386
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:50,014
There.
387
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,017
Great.
388
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,021
♪ You're sugar, you're spice ♪
389
00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:59,524
♪ You're everything nice ♪
390
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:05,531
♪ Because you're
Daddy's little girl ♪
391
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,044
Oh, God.
392
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:25,049
Oh!
393
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,053
I hate traveling with you.
394
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:32,056
That's the last time
I travel with you.
395
00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:34,058
Saul, you told me
you knew what to do,
396
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,560
and what do you do?
397
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,061
You beam us to death.
398
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:38,062
I know what I did wrong.
399
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:39,564
Look, right here, see?
400
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,065
I hit the retro button.
401
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:42,567
A common mistake.
402
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,068
Oh, yeah? Common mistake?
403
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:46,070
Ancient Rome and Mexico
in one day?
404
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:49,073
How do you pack
for a trip like that?
405
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,074
Look, I can do it.
406
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,075
What are you going to do?
407
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:52,577
You want to see your wife again?
408
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,579
Or do you want to live
with the silver shrimps?
409
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:55,581
Your choice.
410
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,083
Come on, let's go.
411
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,585
I'm not going.
412
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:01,586
What do you mean,
you're not going?
413
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:02,587
I'm not going to go.
414
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,088
I'm going to stay here.
415
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,089
What are you talking about?
416
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,091
Please, Saul. Why?
417
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:09,093
I was on two quick trips,
and I'm exhausted.
418
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:10,595
I'm too old to travel.
419
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:12,096
You're coming home with me.
420
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:14,098
I'm not going to hear
another thing about it, now...
421
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,099
Burt, Burt.
422
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,601
I've been here 4000 years.
423
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,603
This is home.
424
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:19,604
What home?
425
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:22,106
This is an alien spaceship.
426
00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:24,609
In my village,
we had an expression.
427
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:27,112
"Home is where
you tie your goat."
428
00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:32,617
No, come on, Saul.
429
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,619
You're going to love it
down there.
430
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:35,620
I know, I know.
431
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:36,621
It's a terrific place
432
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,122
for someone
a few thousand years younger.
433
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:41,626
Girls walk around
without their bras now.
434
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:43,127
Burty...
435
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:45,129
home is where
you're comfortable,
436
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,631
and I'm comfortable here.
437
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:49,133
I'm not thrilled,
I'm not excited,
438
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:50,635
but at my age,
439
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:54,138
thrilled and excited
is dangerous.
440
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:55,139
Now, go on.
441
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,641
I'll beam you down.
442
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,646
You're not going to
come with me?
443
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,148
No.
444
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:06,651
This is goodbye?
445
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:10,155
This is goodbye.
446
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:14,659
Bye, Saul.
447
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:16,161
Goodbye, Burt.
448
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,165
Saul?
449
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,669
I want you to have this.
450
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:25,670
Your watch?
451
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,672
Yeah, it's the only thing I got
to give you.
452
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:30,175
If I give you my belt,
my pants'll fall down, so...
453
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,177
It's a Timex.
454
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:39,684
Still on warranty.
455
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,686
Oh, good, good.
456
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:42,688
Up here, that'll be good.
457
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:50,695
For you.
458
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:53,197
Bye, Saul.
459
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:56,201
So long, Burt.
460
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:09,714
Oh, listen, Burt,
461
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,215
you want to go by Palm Springs
462
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:13,718
before you go home?
463
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:16,721
No, I just want to go home.
464
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:17,722
Okay, buddy.
465
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,224
Bon voyage.
466
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:23,729
Shalom.
467
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:31,736
Bye-bye, Burty.
468
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:40,745
I'm here.
469
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,748
That's a hell of a shot, Saul.
470
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,752
Mare!
471
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,253
Mare!
472
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:50,755
Mare, I'm home!
473
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:55,259
Burt!
474
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:56,260
Yeah.
475
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,262
Burt!
Burt!
476
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:09,273
What am I doing?
477
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:11,275
What am I running for?
I live here.
478
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:13,277
He goes. He goes.
479
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,779
This...
480
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,781
Wait a minute.
481
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,282
Wait a minute.
482
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,284
Mary sees two Burts,
she's going to drop dead.
483
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:21,285
I'll call.
484
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:22,787
I'll call first.
485
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,292
I just hope I don't answer.
486
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:36,801
Hi.
487
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:37,802
Hi.
488
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:38,803
Nice weekend?
489
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:39,804
Fine. Great.
490
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:41,305
Good.
You?
491
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:42,306
Good, good.
Great.
492
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,809
Fine.
Good.
493
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,310
Here's your Spanish Inquisition.
494
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:47,812
Great.
Good.
495
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,318
Bill, this is crazy.
496
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:55,319
I know.
497
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,320
This is insane.
I know.
498
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:57,321
We have to talk.
499
00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:58,322
I understand.
500
00:20:58,323 --> 00:20:59,824
Now, I'm your teacher.
Yes, you are.
501
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,325
And you're
my student. Yes, I am.
502
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:02,827
And this is
a classroom. Yes, it is.
503
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,829
And we are in
a classroom. Yes, we are.
504
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,330
We can't do this.
No, we can't.
505
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,833
We'll have to meet
at my place. Yes, we...
506
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,836
What?
507
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:14,338
Well, we have to discuss this.
508
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:17,341
Yeah.
509
00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:20,845
We have to know exactly
what we're getting into.
510
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:21,846
I agree.
511
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:22,847
I agree totally.
512
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:23,848
I totally agree.
513
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:25,349
What do you mean?
514
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:28,352
Well, I mean, I don't know
if you can handle this.
515
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:31,355
I don't know
if I can handle this.
516
00:21:31,356 --> 00:21:33,357
I can handle it
if you can handle it.
517
00:21:33,358 --> 00:21:35,860
Handle what?
518
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:39,363
I... I've thought about this
all weekend.
519
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:40,865
Am I being unfair to you?
520
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:42,366
Am I being crazy?
521
00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:43,868
Oh, Mrs. Walker,
I think there's a...
522
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,369
Bill, we're investigating
523
00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:47,371
the possibility
of a relationship.
524
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:50,374
Please don't call me
Mrs. Walker.
525
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:51,375
I'm sorry, Lillian.
526
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:52,877
Leslie.
527
00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:54,378
Leslie.
528
00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:55,379
I'm sorry...
529
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:56,881
Leslie.
530
00:21:56,882 --> 00:21:58,883
I mean, it's not like
you're old enough
531
00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:00,384
to be my mother or anything.
532
00:22:00,385 --> 00:22:01,886
We're only a few years
apart, really.
533
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,388
I mean, if I were 30
and you were 40, who'd care?
534
00:22:04,389 --> 00:22:05,890
But it's just
that people'll think,
535
00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:06,891
"Why the hell
can't she find someone
536
00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:08,392
a little more
right for her?"
537
00:22:08,393 --> 00:22:09,393
I'm not right for you?
538
00:22:09,394 --> 00:22:10,394
Why? Just because
539
00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:12,397
I can't drive at night yet?
540
00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:17,902
I just want you to understand
541
00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:19,404
what all of this means.
542
00:22:23,909 --> 00:22:26,410
I understand enough to know...
543
00:22:26,411 --> 00:22:28,913
that I like being around you,
544
00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:30,915
and to shut off
something nice like this
545
00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:32,416
because of what might happen
546
00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:34,419
is dumb.
547
00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:39,424
Okay.
548
00:22:41,426 --> 00:22:43,427
Here.
549
00:22:43,428 --> 00:22:44,428
What's this?
550
00:22:44,429 --> 00:22:45,930
Wars of the Roses.
551
00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:47,431
If we're going to be
seeing each other, uh...
552
00:22:47,432 --> 00:22:49,433
you're going to
have to do your homework.
553
00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:50,935
I don't go out with dummies.
554
00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:52,436
Okay?
555
00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:54,939
Boy, if all my classes
were like this,
556
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,942
I'd be in medical school by now.
557
00:22:58,443 --> 00:23:01,445
See you.
558
00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:02,947
See you.
559
00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:14,959
ANNOUNCER:
Now that Millie's met the Campbells,
560
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,461
will she decidea life of crime is quieter?
561
00:23:17,462 --> 00:23:19,463
Now that Real Burtand Alien Burt have met,
562
00:23:19,464 --> 00:23:20,965
will they decide
563
00:23:20,966 --> 00:23:22,466
it might be nice to dress alike?
564
00:23:22,467 --> 00:23:24,969
What will happenbetween Billy and his teacher,
565
00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:26,470
and will he get marks for it?
566
00:23:26,471 --> 00:23:28,973
These questions and many otherswill be answered
567
00:23:28,974 --> 00:23:30,474
in the next episode of...
568
00:23:30,475 --> 00:23:31,976
Soap.
569
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,483
ANNOUNCER: Soap is videotaped
before a studio audience.
36425
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