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1
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,800
In local news, champion
angler Abe Simpson
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00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:11,468
Is retiring.
3
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,303
Yes, it's o-fish-ial.
4
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:16,306
After reeling in his
20th fishing derby win,
5
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,266
He's finally bowing trout.
6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,019
Later, stay tuna
for a sharking story
7
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,062
About a local sturgeon
with a cod complex
8
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:26,442
Who kills patients
just for the halibut.
9
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:28,318
Abe, why retire now?
10
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,322
Well, I want to go out
on my 20-year win streak
11
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:36,159
And pass along my only
earthly talent to my son.
12
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,994
Tomorrow he's gonna take over
13
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,496
The simpson family
fishing dominance.
14
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:43,042
To all you fish
out there watching,
15
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,667
He's a-comin' for ya!
16
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:47,713
Whoa. It's sexy when
you're on the local news
17
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,796
For something not horrible.
18
00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:52,009
Those fish should be so scared.
19
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:54,594
Oh, those fish
shouldn't be scared at all.
20
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,804
I never win anything.
21
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,892
Why does my dad think
I'll win this fishing contest?
22
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,561
Maybe because all
you have to do is sit still
23
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,771
And hold a stick.
24
00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:06,481
That's two things!
25
00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:13,197
Principal skinner,
sorry to barge in,
26
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,198
But I'm applying to
the most selective
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00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,033
Kids' summer
camp in the country.
28
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,787
They even reject the
silicon valley adderall kids.
29
00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:22,664
And, um, I was
hoping you'd write me
30
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:23,915
A letter of recommendation.
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00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,709
Recommendation letter?
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00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:28,295
No one's ever asked me
to write one of those before.
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00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:31,673
I've mainly just done letters
to judges requesting leniency.
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00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:33,591
If I'm accepted into the
university of springfield camp,
35
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:35,551
I'll be fast-tracked to get into
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00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,429
The amherst middle
school summer workshop,
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00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,597
Which is a feeder
38
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,265
To the uc santa cruz
marine biology retreat,
39
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:44,186
Which is a sure ticket into the
oberlin philosophy day camp
40
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,021
With sleepover option.
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00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:48,856
Well, I believe my
edu95 software bundle
42
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:52,569
Did come with a
recommendation template.
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00:01:56,325 --> 00:02:00,701
Don't forget, I was the
classroom hamster monitor.
44
00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:03,871
And the art club
parliamentarian.
45
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:05,623
And I chaired the fundraiser
46
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,293
To get the lunch
ladies ethical hairnets.
47
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,128
Got it.
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00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,381
"many interests."
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00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:13,799
And print.
50
00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:22,765
Never mind.
51
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,062
Welcome to the annual
springfield fishing derby,
52
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,064
Sponsored by duff camo.
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00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,692
"the deer will never
see you're drunk."
54
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:35,653
And now, the champion
emeritus will throw out
55
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,323
The ceremonial first cast!
56
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,538
Dad, why do you
think I can do this?
57
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,873
I never win anything.
58
00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,082
Oh, I don't believe in you.
59
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:51,086
I'm banking on the
simpsons fishing gene.
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00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,420
I'm finally gonna
pass down something
61
00:02:52,423 --> 00:02:55,257
Other than chronic hand hate.
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00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,259
Oh!
63
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:02,014
We're three hours
into this nail-biting,
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00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,140
Intense competition, folks,
65
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:06,894
Which means butt
fatigue is really setting in
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00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,937
On these recumbent warriors.
67
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:18,614
Aw, man, if I wanted to
watch dad sit and do nothing,
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00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,282
I'd visit him at work.
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00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,408
Mom, I bet the other
camp applicants
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00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,870
Are volunteering and
accomplishing stuff.
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00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,288
I'm just standing around here
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00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,831
Getting a tan line
from my pearls!
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00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,125
I'm sure you'll get in.
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00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,127
You get into everything.
75
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,795
I could pick up litter,
rescue driftwood,
76
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:38,466
Make sure beavers aren't chewing
on washed-up mannequin arms.
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00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:42,512
Oh...
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00:03:42,598 --> 00:03:43,889
sorry, marge,
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00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,765
But could you
murmur a little quieter?
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00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:47,350
I'm trying to fish.
81
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,646
Uh-oh.
82
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,231
I got to let
myself run a little.
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00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,359
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh!
84
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,610
Hmm.
85
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,615
Ah!
86
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:06,536
What the hell is that thing?!
87
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,997
Get it out! Get it!
88
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,790
Oh. Hey!
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00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:11,875
Homie!
90
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:15,544
The fish weight to
beat is 7.2 pounds.
91
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,463
Will a heavier fish arise?
92
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,466
We'll find out right after this.
93
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,134
When you're gutting your catch,
94
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,136
Are you sick and
tired of being stared at
95
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,264
By cold, accusing fish eyes?
96
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,555
You need the happy hood.
97
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:30,519
That's right,
fish, you'll love it!
98
00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:32,396
And don't forget to play the
happy hood mobile game.
99
00:04:32,398 --> 00:04:35,899
Homer simpson's
fish comes in at...
100
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,733
10.4 pounds.
101
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,026
We have a winner!
102
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:42,029
I've never won anything before.
103
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,531
What do I do?
104
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,033
Uh...
105
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,415
oh, my gorgeous boy.
106
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:54,084
I've never loved you more!
107
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,127
Thanks, dad.
108
00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:02,384
I get to cook my
husband's prize-winning fish!
109
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:05,678
The whole house is
gonna stink like victory!
110
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:13,312
What? Is this where
marbles come from?
111
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,314
Like pearls and lobsters?
112
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,567
Uh, how did my slingshot
marbles get in there?
113
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:23,029
You added weight to
my fish with marbles?!
114
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,613
I-I couldn't help it!
115
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:27,733
Watching you lose was so boring.
116
00:05:27,735 --> 00:05:30,870
So I didn't really win at all.
117
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,122
You cheated!
118
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:38,461
Oh.
119
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,213
Oh, my gorgeous boy,
120
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,173
I've never loved you more!
121
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:49,639
"the saga of the oregon trail,"
122
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,932
A poem by milhouse van houten.
123
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,394
"we started our
journey to the pacific
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00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:59,274
Because we heard
that it was terrific."
125
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:02,694
I'm here to take bart simpson
to his doctor's appointment.
126
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,321
I have a doctor's appointment?
127
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,615
Oh, yeah. Bunch of
them. You're really sick.
128
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:13,245
"we made our first camp
when we were all ready.
129
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,247
We made our first dinner,
130
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,584
Meatballs and spaghetti."
131
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,797
Uh, this isn't the
way to the doctor.
132
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,132
There's no doctor.
133
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:26,968
So I'm not sick?
134
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,137
I don't know. Everybody's
got something.
135
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,764
You and me are going cheating.
136
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:32,973
Huh?
137
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,060
When your fish marbles
won me that contest,
138
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,228
It was the greatest thrill
I ever had as a father.
139
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,730
And I want to feel
that rush again.
140
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,278
Uh, how do we cheat
at rock skipping?
141
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,863
I don't know. Making a plan
142
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:50,324
To cheat in advance
felt dishonest.
143
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,250
Perfect.
144
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:04,297
Ooh, a big envelope from
summer camp admissions!
145
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,091
I bet that's good news!
146
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:09,093
Mom, that's my safety.
147
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,637
Of course I'm
gonna get in there.
148
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:13,098
Florida state's a
total party camp.
149
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,225
Why haven't I heard yet?
150
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,060
Janey got responses
from all her camps,
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00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,478
Even her reaches.
152
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,398
Her essay was about her
grandmother's immigrant story.
153
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,608
- Uh-huh.
- She came from ottawa.
154
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,151
That's barely an immigrant.
155
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,490
Coming up later,
the liv pickleball tour
156
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,286
From riyadh, where it's
110 degrees in the desert
157
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,495
And the action's heating up.
158
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:39,499
But now it's time for
competitive rock skipping!
159
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:42,168
They are really scraping
the bottom of the barrel
160
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,711
For new sports content.
161
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,465
Yeah, and barrel
scraping is up next.
162
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,218
Here we have last
year's champion,
163
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,928
Cletus spuckler,
taking the shore.
164
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,180
Home viewers will notice
165
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,850
That's not the famous
nike swoosh on his shoes
166
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:59,644
But, rather, leeches
on his bare feet.
167
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,062
Here comes the skip.
168
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,694
22 skips!
169
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,363
That's a throw worthy of the
late, great doink anderson!
170
00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:13,033
Interesting fact... he
left his widow nothing.
171
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,660
Next up, homer simpson,
172
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:19,247
A first-timer but using the
same equipment as these pros,
173
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,457
A flat rock he
found on the ground.
174
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,298
46 skips.
175
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:33,761
This almost makes my
hitchhiking here worth it.
176
00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,893
This, this is what we do it for.
177
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,352
The cheater's high.
178
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:44,480
You can feel the scam
pulsing in your blood,
179
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,399
Like snorting
lotto scratcher dust
180
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,943
Or being elected king
of hamburger planet!
181
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:52,655
You know, dad, all the times
I cheated on stuff before...
182
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,783
School tests, covid tests...
183
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,201
I always felt kind
of bad about it,
184
00:08:56,202 --> 00:09:00,580
But cheating with
you feels so right.
185
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,123
Can we do it one more time?
186
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,626
Son, we're never
gonna stop doing it.
187
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,451
Bart, I finally get
188
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,161
Why some dudes
become dads on purpose.
189
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:24,288
This has been the
best week of my life.
190
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,498
Me, too!
191
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,417
And my life's not a
barf-nado like yours.
192
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,546
Do you think it's
a little strange
193
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:34,798
That your dad is suddenly
winning all these contests
194
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,926
And giant prizes?
195
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:39,261
Yeah, I've noticed
the same thing.
196
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,599
I guess I just assumed
that sports in america
197
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,392
Were getting much, much easier.
198
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,559
Hey, honey.
199
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,604
Do you want this
ladies' ghillie suit I won
200
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:50,023
At the tobacco-spitting
competition?
201
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,024
Homer, we need to talk.
202
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,525
Oh, I like when we talk.
203
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:56,236
I don't like when
we need to talk.
204
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,030
You're sure winning
a lot of activities
205
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,240
You've never even tried before.
206
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,743
I'm sorry to ask this, but...
207
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,285
Are you cheating?
208
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,082
Oh, I can't lie to you.
209
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,458
Wait, that's a lie.
210
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,711
I can lie and I have,
but I'm not going to now.
211
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,091
I am cheating, but
not for prizes or glory.
212
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,259
Me and bart are cheating
together as a team.
213
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,427
It's our father-son thing.
214
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:23,056
Can't you do
something else with bart,
215
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,350
Like coach his soccer team?
216
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,476
Soccer? You mean bribing refs?
217
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,311
Where's the challenge?
218
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:29,354
That's not the kind of cheating
219
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:32,148
That brings a dad
and his son closer.
220
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,859
We have this special bond,
like lavar and lonzo ball
221
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:38,196
Or cecil and prince fielder
before they became estranged.
222
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,155
No, no, no, no, no, no.
223
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,825
Cheating is wrong.
224
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,952
Maybe you should find another
way to bond with your son,
225
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,037
Like just being a good dad.
226
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:49,456
Oh, where's the jet ski in that?
227
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:51,960
Marge, you're always saying
228
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,586
You want our kids to succeed.
229
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:56,297
Then maybe not
cheating is cheating them.
230
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:58,758
Hmm.
231
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,259
Refresh.
232
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:00,677
Nothing.
233
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,636
Refresh.
234
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,179
Still nothing.
235
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:04,931
Refresh.
236
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,725
Spinny rainbow!
237
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,434
Nothing.
238
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,311
Lisa simpson,
239
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:14,023
I'm here from the university
of springfield camp.
240
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:16,067
And I'm very excited to tell you
241
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,861
That you've been accepted
into our summer program.
242
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,655
I got in?
243
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,073
That's amazing! Oh!
244
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,118
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
245
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:29,121
It's so classy that you came
to tell everybody in person.
246
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,416
As the rowing coach, I
like to personally welcome
247
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,710
All the incoming members
of our camp rowing team.
248
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,128
What? Rowing?
249
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:38,255
Your application
photos were amazing.
250
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,008
You can row
anywhere in the shell...
251
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,594
Stroke, bow, powerhouse.
252
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,763
Uh, what?
253
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,681
- What?
- See you at camp.
254
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,265
Here's your henley!
255
00:12:57,235 --> 00:13:01,613
Someone put doctored
photos into my application!
256
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:04,532
And I know who.
257
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,749
You cheated.
258
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,125
For me!
259
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,628
What?! No, I didn't!
260
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,546
Honey, what's the matter?
261
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,298
Dad and bart put my head
on an olympic rower's body
262
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,634
To cheat my way into camp!
263
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,010
No, we didn't. Why
would we help someone
264
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,846
Who's already good at things?
265
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,347
Now shut up.
Dad's in the finals.
266
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,600
He could win an electric truck
they converted back to gas.
267
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,438
You've already cheated at
every dumb sport in the world!
268
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,609
I bet you're cheating at
this dumb sport right now!
269
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:43,904
Ow, my foot.
270
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,280
Lisa, shh.
271
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,743
A lot of these axe throwers
have guns in their cars.
272
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,953
What are you afraid of,
273
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,831
That they'll see...
274
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,874
This?
275
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,750
A magnet.
276
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:57,961
If you was cheating at this,
277
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,797
I bet you cheated at
all them other events
278
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:03,633
You surprisingly
and illogically won.
279
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:04,926
We were robbed!
280
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,302
Of our prizes and our dignity!
281
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:10,264
Get 'em!
282
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:13,017
Stay back! I'm a
champion axe thrower!
283
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,229
Ow, my stump.
284
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,903
Don't let them
cheaters get away!
285
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:25,864
Look, guys, you
got us all wrong.
286
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,782
We didn't cheat!
287
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:31,369
Quick, get on the atvs
we won by cheating.
288
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,998
Looks like you just got cheated!
289
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,250
Out of your revenge!
290
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,225
If you think I'm not mad
anymore, you're wrong.
291
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,729
While we were escaping,
I got even more mad!
292
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,480
It's called multitasking.
293
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:03,775
And it was one of the
legitimate skills on my application.
294
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,236
Remember? The
one you cheated on?
295
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,071
We didn't, I swear.
296
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:10,033
- Cheater's honor.
- Oh, really?
297
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,326
Well, if you didn't,
then who uploaded
298
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:16,663
All those fake photos of me
rowing so I could get into camp?
299
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:17,831
I did.
300
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:18,625
You?
301
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,835
You?! No, no.
302
00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:22,461
It must've been me!
303
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,129
No, it was me.
304
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,381
But, marge, you're you.
305
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:29,802
You're sweet,
pure, incorruptible.
306
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:31,596
Dad,
307
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,798
We ruined mom.
308
00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:35,432
No! No!
309
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,857
What have I done?
310
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,527
Other than everything
I know that I did?
311
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,028
Yes, I cheated.
312
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,989
And you showed me how to do it.
313
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,825
But not to win a
beef jerky dehydrator
314
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:55,827
Or harley-davidson
beard shampoo.
315
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,913
"if you want your
kids to succeed,
316
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,750
Then not cheating
is cheating them."
317
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:06,673
Mom, you also cheated
me out of the chance
318
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,466
To get in on my own merits!
319
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,759
I worked hard.
320
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,470
I cleaned up the beach.
321
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,929
I taught old people
how to email!
322
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:18,850
I was working
with 72-point font!
323
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,895
Oh, this is all our fault.
324
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,773
Son, we made a terrible mistake.
325
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:26,775
But we can learn and do better.
326
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:30,613
Let's never, ever bond again.
327
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:33,032
You're right. Never again.
328
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,868
Promise me this is
the last time we hug.
329
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,287
I swear, dad. I swear.
330
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:38,955
There you is.
331
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,956
We never would've found you
332
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,582
If it weren't for all
that guilt vomiting
333
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,793
We done heard.
334
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,629
Go ahead. Kill me.
335
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,088
Cleave my skull.
336
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,258
I don't deserve to
live after corrupting
337
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,592
The only good
person I've ever known.
338
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,220
I don't know about that.
339
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,889
We was just gonna
rough you up a little bit.
340
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,725
Oh. Well, I mean, I...
341
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:00,350
I guess we could kill you,
342
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:03,062
But you probably need to
sign a waiver or something.
343
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:05,272
Nobody is killing anyone.
344
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,442
The simpsons are coming with us.
345
00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:16,992
You think we'll all stay friends
after this or just drift apart?
346
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:22,164
Well, mm, drift apart it is.
347
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,127
Aw, this is the camp
I wanted to go to.
348
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:30,088
They must know about
the fake application.
349
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,926
Welcome, simpsons!
350
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,136
I hope you don't mind that I had
351
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,096
The university of
springfield football team
352
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:38,931
Bring you here.
353
00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:41,601
Um, I want to apologize
354
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,060
For being party to
a false application.
355
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:48,398
My mother and I need to
have "the talk" about honesty.
356
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,233
Lisa, don't be mad
at your mother.
357
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,862
It may surprise you to
learn that this institution has
358
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:55,030
A proud tradition of
embracing cheating.
359
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:59,535
After all, this is university
of springfield camp,
360
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,953
Usc.
361
00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:04,832
Well... You're okay
with me cheating?
362
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,919
Say it isn't so, dean belichick.
363
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,087
You think your application
was the only one
364
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,131
With embellishments?
Look at these.
365
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:15,468
This ten-year-old claims she
performs open-heart surgery.
366
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,845
This 12-year old
said it was her idea
367
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:20,556
To use big fat
straws for boba tea.
368
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:21,973
And you know what?
369
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,393
We let them all in.
370
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,897
But I want to
live an ethical life!
371
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,566
This is the world we live in.
372
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,608
Taxpayers hide
money from the irs,
373
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,861
Dating profiles
are nothing but lies,
374
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:38,782
And right now the houston astros
are dreaming up ways to cheat
375
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,367
That would blow your mind.
376
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:43,453
So, here at usc,
377
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,663
We decided to own cheating
378
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:48,459
And prepare our students
for the way the world is,
379
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,877
Not the way some
would like it to be.
380
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,171
What do you say, lisa?
381
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,173
Will you accept
our most prestigious
382
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,509
Lance armstrong
summer scholarship?
383
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,802
Am I risking
everything I believe in
384
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,346
By refusing to do
something I don't believe in?
385
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,101
I choose honesty.
386
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,227
I'm proud of you, honey.
387
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:09,313
Yep. Walking out the door.
388
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:13,651
Leaving this room and this
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
389
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,528
Walking... Out.
390
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,529
Here I go.
391
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,449
Principles powering my feet.
392
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,994
Would you like me to
give you a little push?
393
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,496
Would you?
394
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,417
Let the rowing coach know
we're sorry she was lied to.
395
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,421
I think she may be used to it.
396
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:34,797
Homer, a moment?
397
00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:38,925
I've been following your
incredible streak of dishonesty.
398
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:40,635
Very impressive.
399
00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:42,721
So much so, I'd like
to offer you a position
400
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:47,018
As a professor in our
faculty of cheating studies.
401
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,853
What do you say? Will
you shape the minds
402
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:52,190
Of tomorrow's
white-collar criminals?
403
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,651
No.
404
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,361
For once, I learned
something at college...
405
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,738
A lesson.
406
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,823
Cheating almost ruined my wife,
407
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,200
Who is all the love and
goodness you can stuff
408
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,701
Inside a green dress.
409
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,078
I'll never cheat again.
410
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,208
Except on diets.
411
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,336
Okay,
412
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,214
Here's how you
really skip a rock.
413
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:19,799
Oh, I used to be
so good at this!
414
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,719
Hey, where's bart?
415
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,137
He said he had an appointment
every Thursday night
416
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,015
From 7:00 to 9:00.
417
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:31,686
Students, look to your
left, look to your right.
418
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,606
Those are the people
you'll be cheating off of.
419
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:36,933
Captioning sponsored by
20th century fox television
420
00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:39,278
And fox broadcasting company
421
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:40,820
And toyota.
422
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:44,659
Captioned by media access
group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org
423
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:33,249
Shh!
30301
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