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In last week's episode of Soap,
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00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,072
Chester's brain surgery provedhe wasn't responsible
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00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:08,574
for Peter's murder.
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00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:10,576
Ordinarily, this wouldhave made Chester happy.
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00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,578
But Chesterdoesn't remember the murder,
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00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:14,580
Peter, or even himself.
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00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:17,082
Jodie told Dennisthat Carol is pregnant
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and he's responsible,
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and that he asked herto marry him
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00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:22,087
because that would bethe responsible thing to do.
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00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,590
Danny decided to drop his planto change Elaine,
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as it might kill her.
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00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,593
And he doesn'twant to be responsible.
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Confused?
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00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,097
You won't be afterthis week's episode of... Soap
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00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,103
This is the storyof two sisters,
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00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,105
Jessica Tate,
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00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,108
and Mary Campbell.
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00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:46,111
These are the Tates...
20
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,614
and these are the Campbells.
21
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,619
And this is Soap.
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00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,150
Oh, Chester, how wonderful!
23
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Up and around already.
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00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:31,156
Oh, red hair. I love redheads.
25
00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:34,159
See how much better
he is, Mrs. Tate?
26
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,661
He remembers your hair color.
27
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:38,163
Now, I can't tell you
my wife's hair color.
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The man has more of
his marbles than I do.
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00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:45,671
How are you, Mr. Tate?
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Fine. Just fine.
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But the lamb chops were fatty.
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Lamb chops?
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00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,681
Oh, no, it's a common mistake.
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He thinks I'm a butcher.
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So do I.
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00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,188
Intern...
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00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:06,191
are you here to take me
to therapy?
38
00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:07,693
I'm not an intern.
I'm your son.
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00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:11,197
My son's a doctor.
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00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,200
Dad, it's me, Billy.
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Billy. I'm not a doctor.
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00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,203
Well, I want you to know
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00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:21,707
the family is very
disappointed in you.
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Darling, you'll
be coming home soon.
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00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:28,213
Won't that be nice?
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With you?
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Yes.
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This is nice.
I like her.
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Great balombas.
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Ah, isn't he fun!
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Excuse me. I have
a surgery to perform.
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I hope it's not a vasectomy.
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00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,244
Hi.
54
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:00,746
Hi.
55
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,248
Well, I'm here.
What's the surprise?
56
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:06,251
Well,
it isn't really a surprise.
57
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,253
Maybe a little surprise.
It's not a great big surprise.
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00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,755
Carol. Just tell me.
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00:03:11,718 --> 00:03:12,758
I've decided to marry you.
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Really?
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What a surprise.
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That's a...
that's a great surprise.
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00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:21,767
I'm... I'm really glad.
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00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:27,773
Well, now, um...
I have another surprise
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00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,775
that maybe isn't
really a surprise.
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It's uh...
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00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:31,777
Carol...
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Just tell me.
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00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:37,282
Well,
my father just came into town,
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00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,785
and I thought, you know,
that since he's here,
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00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,286
we should, uh, tell him.
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We?
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00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:46,291
Well, Daddy's
kind of overprotective.
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00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:49,795
Um, he's always thought of me
as his princess,
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00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,297
so I thought you could tell him.
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Wonderful.
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I have to tell him
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00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,485
that the princess
is gonna marry the queen.
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00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,312
He already knows you're gay.
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00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:08,814
Oh...
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00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,816
No, I told him that
when we moved in together
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00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,317
so he wouldn't worry.
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00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:13,819
Oh, it's gonna be so easy.
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Easy? Carol...
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Here he is.
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00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,323
Princess!
Hiya, Daddy.
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00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:20,325
You must be Jodie, huh?
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00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:21,827
Nice to meet you, Mr. David.
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00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:23,328
Hey.
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00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:25,330
Please call me Boomer.
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00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:26,331
Boomer?
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00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:27,833
Yeah. It's just an old nickname
93
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,334
when I played fullback at Duke.
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00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:31,337
Nothing could stop me.
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00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,840
Hey. Scotch, neat.
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00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,845
How's my princess?
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00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:40,846
Just fine, Daddy.
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00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:41,847
I call her princess.
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00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,349
Yeah, I noticed.
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00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:46,351
Well, Daddy,
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00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:48,353
I have something
that I want to tell you.
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00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,355
Oh, sure, princess.
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00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:51,356
I'm, uh...
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00:04:57,363 --> 00:05:00,866
What she's trying to say is,
we're gonna be married.
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00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,367
You two?
106
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:04,870
Yeah.
107
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,372
I thought he was, uh...
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00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,373
I am.
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00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,876
Well, it doesn't
seem to make a lot of sense.
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00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,879
Oh, well, yes, it does.
111
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,380
You see, because I'm pr...
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00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:16,882
Huh?
113
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,384
We're...
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00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,891
The princess is pregnant,
Boomer.
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00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:32,398
Pregnant?
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00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:38,904
Well, Jodie,
that's very noble of you.
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00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,906
But, uh, what about the guy
that's responsible?
118
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:41,908
Where's he?
119
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,411
You?!
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00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:48,413
Mr. David, for what it's worth,
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00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,415
I'm gonna be
a very good husband and father.
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00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:52,417
You'll never have
to worry about Carol.
123
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:55,420
Well, thanks, Jodie.
I appreciate that.
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00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:58,924
It's, uh, just that
it's a bit of surprise.
125
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:01,927
In my day,
things were a little different.
126
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:05,931
But the most important thing
is Carol's happiness,
127
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,432
what she wants.
128
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:09,935
If she's happy, I'm happy.
That's all I care about.
129
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,437
Oh, thank you, Daddy.
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00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,438
Excuse me,
Mr. Dallas,
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00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:14,940
there's a phone call for you.
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00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,942
Oh, thank you.
I'll be right back...
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00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:17,944
Boomer.
134
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:21,446
All right, uh...
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00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,948
All right.
Let me tell you something.
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00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:26,952
If you ever bring
that faggot around,
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00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,454
I'll knock his teeth
down his throat.
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00:06:29,895 --> 00:06:31,456
Well, Daddy,
if that's the way you feel,
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00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:32,958
then why did you say
the things you did?
140
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:36,462
Well, a person has to be civil.
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00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:47,973
Here.
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00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:48,974
What's this for?
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00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,475
To wear. They're
your clothes.
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00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:51,977
You're giving them back to me?
145
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,979
Yeah.
It's a trick.
146
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:56,982
You want me to put 'em on
so you can rip them off again.
147
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,984
No. No, it's not a trick,
Elaine.
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00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,485
I don't want to do that anymore.
149
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,988
So what's your plan now,
to kill me?
150
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:05,992
I don't have any more plans,
Elaine.
151
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,495
I'm giving up.
152
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:11,496
What does that mean?
153
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:15,000
It means
I don't know what to do.
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00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,001
There's one thing I do know,
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00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:18,503
and that's
I can't go on like this.
156
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:21,006
Of course, I don't have
a lot of happy choices.
157
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,007
Being with you has been murder
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00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,009
and leaving you
would literally be murder,
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00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,011
so I don't know.
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00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,012
It's that awful, huh?
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00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:30,515
It's that awful being with me.
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00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,517
It sure has been.
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00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:35,020
And the thing is
that there was a time
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00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:38,023
when I had the feeling
it didn't have to be.
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00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,525
Once, I think you had a day
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00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:43,528
when you were nice...
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00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:46,531
just...
just a nice, normal lady,
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00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:48,033
and I really enjoyed you.
169
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,034
In fact, I thought we had
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00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,036
great possibilities.
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00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,537
But then, the next day,
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00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:56,041
you were spitting food at me
and calling me "yutz."
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00:07:58,044 --> 00:07:59,044
I don't hate you, Danny.
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00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,046
Well, you sure give
the best damn impression of it
175
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,547
I've ever seen.
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00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:03,548
I know.
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00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:05,550
Well, why do you
do that, Elaine?
178
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,552
Why do you treat people
that way?
179
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:10,556
It's a long story.
180
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,560
I got time.
181
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:20,065
I had a sister once...
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00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,567
who was a couple of years older
than me.
183
00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:26,071
Her name was Diana.
184
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:29,074
She was bright and beautiful,
185
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:32,077
and good and kind.
186
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,078
She was one of those people
187
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:37,082
who made everybody around her
feel good.
188
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,083
When she was 16,
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00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:42,587
she was killed
in a car accident.
190
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,589
The night she died,
my father, in his grief,
191
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:49,595
said to me,
"Why wasn't it you?"
192
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:56,601
So, uh, my mother was dead
and my sister was dead...
193
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,103
and my father,
194
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,605
who I loved more
than anyone else in this world,
195
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:02,608
wished I was dead.
196
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,613
And I got angry.
197
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:12,118
I got angry, cold, mean...
198
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:15,620
And I decided then
199
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:18,624
never to love anybody
ever again.
200
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,632
Oh, Elaine, I didn't know.
201
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,637
I love you, Danny.
202
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:38,143
And maybe, someday,
if it's not already too late,
203
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,146
you'll love me.
204
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,665
Hi.
205
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,167
Hey, what are
you doing down here?
206
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:05,170
I was waiting up for you.
I guess I didn't make it.
207
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,171
Is something wrong?
208
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,673
No, no.
209
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:09,674
I just wanted to see you.
210
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:12,177
I haven't seen you
for three days.
211
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:13,678
Three days! Mary, come on.
212
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,680
You saw me this morning.
213
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:16,681
This morning I saw you
214
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:18,183
as you were leaving the bathroom
215
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,184
and I was entering.
216
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,685
You said, "Good morning.
217
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,187
We're out
of toilet paper."
218
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:26,191
You're never here.
You're always working.
219
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,692
Come on.
Hey, I'm building a future.
220
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,694
This is for us, kiddo. For you.
221
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:31,696
So you can have everything
you ever dreamed of,
222
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,198
like a bigger house, huh?
223
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,699
Don't you want a bigger house?
224
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,202
No, I don't want a bigger house.
225
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:39,704
Mary, go back to sleep.
I'll talk to you in the morning.
226
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,706
I never met anybody who doesn't
want a bigger house.
227
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:42,707
I don't!
228
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:45,210
I couldn't care less
about those things.
229
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:46,711
When did you ever hear me say
230
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:49,214
I wanted a bigger house?
231
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:50,715
All I want is you.
232
00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:52,717
You got me.
You got me.
233
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:55,220
I just want you
to have everything.
234
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:58,723
My friend, Margo,
has everything.
235
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:00,225
Her husband built an empire,
236
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,227
and she has everything.
237
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,729
Except her husband, of course.
238
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,731
You know how happy she is?
239
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:07,732
She starts the day
240
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:09,735
with Cocoa Puffs and vodka.
241
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:15,240
By 12:00, she's
forgotten her name.
242
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:18,243
Burt, I have everything I want
243
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:19,744
and everything I need
244
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:21,246
right here with you.
245
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:25,751
I also need to do it for me.
246
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,754
That's something else.
247
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:32,757
I need to know I can do it.
248
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:35,260
My father never did it.
249
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:38,263
He tried and never did it.
250
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:40,265
He was a short man.
251
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,766
You know, not more than 5'6"...
252
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:46,271
a little guy
with gigantic dreams.
253
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,273
He always figured
if he couldn't be tall,
254
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,774
he could be big.
255
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:50,776
Well, he was neither.
256
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:55,280
He had to watch his kids grow up
on potatoes.
257
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:57,283
I'm lucky I got a tooth
in my head here.
258
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:03,289
We never had enough to eat,
or rooms of our own.
259
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,792
He was a beaten man.
260
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:13,798
He always... He always looked
like something was hurting.
261
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:16,301
Even when he smiled,
he looked like something hurt.
262
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:21,306
I don't want to be my father,
Mary.
263
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:22,807
Every time I look in the mirror,
264
00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:25,810
I'm afraid I'm gonna see his...
265
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:29,314
hurt and scared little smile
on my face.
266
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:34,319
I need to do it for me.
267
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,322
You're gonna keep doing it?
268
00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:39,825
I gotta, Mare.
269
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,328
Come on.
What're you thinking?
270
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:49,334
Well, I'm thinking,
yes, I understand you...
271
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:51,837
and yes, I see what you mean.
272
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:56,341
I am also thinking
that tomorrow,
273
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,843
when you're driving home
274
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,846
and some drunk jumps
the center divider
275
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:02,847
and you wind up dead,
276
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,849
you will have spent
277
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,851
the last days and nights
of your life
278
00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:08,854
working.
279
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,357
I'm also thinking that.
280
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:16,362
Well, that's the last time
I ask you what you're thinking.
281
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:22,868
It's late.
Let's go to sleep.
282
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:30,375
I love you.
283
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,378
I know.
284
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:40,385
Hi, everybody.
285
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:42,387
Oh, hello, Mary.
286
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:43,888
My goodness, what is that?
287
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:47,892
It's my famous
apple walnut coffee ring.
288
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,394
I made it for Chester.
It's his favorite.
289
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:52,897
Oh, that's so
generous of you, Mary.
290
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,399
Do you think Chester
will remember
291
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,401
it's his favorite?
292
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:59,904
So, what's going on
with you three?
293
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,406
Well, Eunice is depressed,
294
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:02,908
and Corinne is depressed.
295
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,910
And I was just debating
296
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,912
whether or not to join them.
297
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:08,914
Sounds like fun.
298
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:13,418
Actually, I think
I've been depressed
299
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,419
quite a lot lately.
300
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,921
I mean, I eat a lot,
301
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:19,924
and I just simply
cannot sit still.
302
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:22,427
I don't think
you're depressed, Ma.
303
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,929
I think you're horny.
304
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:42,447
What is "horny"?
305
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:47,953
What you feel like
when you're not having any sex.
306
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:49,955
Horny?
307
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,463
What a funny word.
308
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:02,467
Well, actually,
I am not having any sex
309
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,969
because
Chester's in the hospital,
310
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,471
but Mary...
311
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,973
I don't think not having sex
could make me eat a lot.
312
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:11,977
Wrong! I have been
eating like a pig.
313
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,481
Burt can't again?
314
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,983
No, he can, but he's never home.
315
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:19,984
Oh.
316
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:22,487
I've gained six pounds
since my wedding.
317
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,489
That makes no sense at all.
318
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,492
Well, when Tim's mother died,
so did our sex life.
319
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,994
I've gained five pounds
since Dutch left.
320
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,496
Dutch!
321
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:33,498
You and Dutch?!
322
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:34,999
Eunice, he's a criminal.
323
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,003
Oh, you're gonna lecture me,
Mrs. Fallen Priest!
324
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:43,007
Mary, look. We've
eaten all the nuts.
325
00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:45,009
You know,
I'd love a piece of that.
326
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,512
No. Now, Corinne,
that's for Daddy.
327
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,013
Oh, just one piece.
328
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:52,016
Well, look, since it's a ring,
329
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:54,019
I could cut out one piece
and then put it together.
330
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:01,526
I love sex.
331
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,031
So do I.
332
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:08,533
Well, actually...
333
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:11,536
I think it's pretty
wonderful too,
334
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,538
but I'm not entirely
sure I should.
335
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:17,041
Mary, could I have
just a little piece of that?
336
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:19,043
You see, our mother
never told us
337
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:21,045
that it would be pleasant.
338
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:22,547
No, what mother said was...
339
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:26,551
that it was required,
like going to school had been,
340
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,052
and that the best thing to do
341
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:30,555
was close your eyes
and make out your grocery list.
342
00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:36,060
And she also said
that if you were really lucky,
343
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:37,061
your husband
would have a mistress,
344
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:40,065
and then the mistress would
get stuck with it.
345
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:43,568
What a terrible way to live.
346
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:46,571
Well, Corinne,
that was a long time ago,
347
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:50,074
before they discovered
sex wasn't filth.
348
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:53,078
It took you a long time
to tell me that sex was nice.
349
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:57,082
That's because you knew
before I did.
350
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:03,088
I like it in the morning.
351
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:13,098
I think the earliest
I ever had it was noon.
352
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,600
I don't think that
could be counted
353
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:17,602
as the morning.
354
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:20,104
Burt likes it
in the morning too.
355
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:23,107
I don't like the morning
because of all that light.
356
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,609
What, you like it in the dark?
357
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:25,610
Mm-hmm.
358
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:28,614
Not me.
You never know who you're with.
359
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:31,616
I keep track.
360
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:39,123
What I mean is, it's nice
to see a person's face.
361
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:41,626
Face?
362
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:56,641
Well, I like it in another room.
363
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,648
Doesn't that make it
very difficult for both?
364
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:10,154
No... with him, Jessie.
365
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:12,657
With him, in another room.
366
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:14,159
Where?
367
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:19,164
Oh. The kitchen.
368
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,678
Outside is nice.
369
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,680
Well, I don't think
it really matters
370
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:39,685
where you do it,
just as long as you do it well.
371
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:44,189
Burt does it very well.
372
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:50,194
With my first husband, however,
it was like a news bulletin:
373
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:54,199
brief, unexpected,
and usually a disaster.
374
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:59,204
Oh, Mary, look what we've done.
375
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:02,707
The whole thing.
376
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,208
We almost ate the whole thing.
377
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:05,209
We couldn't have.
378
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:07,211
I only had one piece.
379
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:08,212
Me too.
380
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:09,714
Well, that's all I had.
381
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:12,717
Eunice, please, one piece.
You had at least three.
382
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,719
Me? Oh, please.
383
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,220
Your mouth hasn't been empty
for a minute.
384
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:19,223
Girls! Please, don't fight.
385
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,224
I'll make Chester another.
386
00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:21,225
Oh, good.
387
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,728
Anyway, it's not our fault.
It's theirs.
388
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,229
Whose?
389
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:26,731
The men.
If we weren't so frustrated,
390
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,733
we wouldn't be eating like this.
391
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:29,734
That's right.
392
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,235
If I wasn't really so horny,
393
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:34,238
I wouldn't be
eating this apple ring.
394
00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:37,241
I don't even like
this apple ring.
395
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:39,744
I think I had six pieces.
396
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,253
Campbell and Son.
397
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:50,755
Burt.
Yeah.
398
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,796
Look, I know you're busy,
but what I figure is this.
399
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:01,266
Churches
don't have to pay taxes, right?
400
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:05,770
Right.
401
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:07,271
Okay, what we do is,
402
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:09,273
we put a steeple on top
of this building
403
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:11,776
that we're building... No taxes.
404
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,278
A steeple on top
405
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:15,780
of a 45-story office building,
huh?
406
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:16,781
Right.
407
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,783
Well, that'd fool 'em.
408
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:21,786
Yeah, and a bell.
A steeple and a bell.
409
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:22,787
Steeple and a bell, huh?
410
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:23,788
Yeah.
411
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:24,789
That's a good idea.
Yeah?
412
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,290
Yeah, it's really very good.
413
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,792
Yeah, I thought you'd like it.
414
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:28,833
I'm gonna get right on it.
415
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:35,299
Yeah?
416
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,801
Ah!
417
00:20:41,185 --> 00:20:42,306
What's the matter with you?!
418
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,809
Danny,
that's the most idiotic idea
419
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:45,810
I ever heard.
420
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,311
Danny, hey, come on.
421
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:48,813
Go home.
422
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:49,814
You used to stay here
423
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,816
because you didn't
want to go home,
424
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,819
and now you got something nice
to go home to, huh?
425
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:55,820
Yeah.
So go home.
426
00:20:55,821 --> 00:21:00,324
To Elaine, my wife who I love.
427
00:21:03,328 --> 00:21:04,829
Oh, yeah. I'm going home.
428
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:05,830
Good night, Sal.
429
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:06,831
Good night, Danny.
430
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:08,332
Whoo.
431
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:11,335
Would you sign this for me,
please?
432
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:12,336
Yeah. What is it?
433
00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:14,839
A letter of recommendation
to help me find a new job.
434
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:15,840
What?
435
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:16,841
I can't stay here.
436
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,844
Sally,
what are you talking about?
437
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,846
You're the best. You're
the most incredible secretary
438
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:22,847
I've ever had.
439
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,349
Burt, I'm in love with you.
440
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:30,354
I can't stay here
because I'm in love with you.
441
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,857
No, you're not. You're not.
442
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:35,359
What you're having is not love.
443
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:38,362
What you're having here is,
uh, is, uh...
444
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:39,363
Lust?
445
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,866
Maybe lust. Could be lust.
446
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,370
It sounds like a typical lust,
and lust is not serious.
447
00:21:46,371 --> 00:21:48,372
Lust just lasts
two or three days and...
448
00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:49,874
it's gone.
449
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:53,878
I'm ugly. That's it.
450
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:54,879
You're not ugly.
451
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,380
What are you talking about ugly?
452
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,882
What makes you think
that you're ugly?
453
00:21:57,883 --> 00:21:59,383
Because you don't want me.
454
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:00,885
Because I'm married.
Not because you're ugly...
455
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:02,386
which you're not.
456
00:22:02,387 --> 00:22:03,387
Yes, I am.
457
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:04,889
Sally, please.
458
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:07,391
If I wasn't married,
I'd be with you in a second.
459
00:22:07,392 --> 00:22:08,392
You would?
460
00:22:08,393 --> 00:22:10,394
Sure.
461
00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:11,896
You're a very desirable person.
462
00:22:12,898 --> 00:22:14,398
No...
Yeah.
463
00:22:14,399 --> 00:22:16,901
Look, come on. You
got very pretty hair...
464
00:22:16,902 --> 00:22:17,902
Oh, thank you.
465
00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:19,403
And your eyes...
466
00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:21,405
You got gorgeous blue eyes.
467
00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:23,407
And, uh...
468
00:22:23,408 --> 00:22:25,409
You got a mouth...
469
00:22:25,410 --> 00:22:26,410
You got a wonderful mouth.
470
00:22:26,411 --> 00:22:28,913
It's, like, a very sensual
mouth and, uh...
471
00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:31,415
Ho! You got legs...
472
00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,419
Ooh, I'm married
here. Help.
473
00:22:35,420 --> 00:22:37,922
Boss, I can't concentrate.
Nights, I can't sleep.
474
00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:39,423
I'm a wreck because I love you.
475
00:22:39,424 --> 00:22:41,926
Sally... Sally. Listen to me.
476
00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:42,927
Listen to me now.
477
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:44,428
You feel this way right now
478
00:22:44,429 --> 00:22:46,430
because there is
a slight vacuum in your life.
479
00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:48,933
And you want to put me
in there to fill it up.
480
00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:49,934
That's all.
481
00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:51,936
That's it. Come on.
482
00:22:51,937 --> 00:22:53,939
Sally, stay, please. Stay.
483
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,440
Okay, I'll stay.
484
00:22:56,441 --> 00:22:57,441
Good girl!
485
00:22:57,442 --> 00:22:59,444
Whoo-hoo... Whoa!
486
00:23:07,452 --> 00:23:09,453
But if you should
change your mind about us...
487
00:23:09,454 --> 00:23:11,455
Oh, I'll get in touch.
488
00:23:11,456 --> 00:23:14,458
Any time, any place...
489
00:23:14,459 --> 00:23:15,960
Please, I'm yours.
490
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,462
It's good to know.
It's good to know.
491
00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:31,976
Will Danny and Elainestay in love?
492
00:23:31,977 --> 00:23:34,478
Will love be enoughto keep Burt and Mary together?
493
00:23:34,479 --> 00:23:37,481
Will Sally's love for Burtever be fulfilled?
494
00:23:37,482 --> 00:23:38,983
Will the love of his home
495
00:23:38,984 --> 00:23:40,484
help Chester gethis memory back?
496
00:23:40,485 --> 00:23:43,487
Will Jessica, Mary, Corinneand Eunice
497
00:23:43,488 --> 00:23:44,989
get what they'd love to get?
498
00:23:44,990 --> 00:23:46,490
Or will they just get fat?
499
00:23:46,491 --> 00:23:47,992
These questions and many others
500
00:23:47,993 --> 00:23:49,995
will be answered on next week'sepisode of... Soap
501
00:23:56,001 --> 00:23:59,004
Soap is videotapedbefore a studio audience.
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