All language subtitles for Beyond.Paradise.S02E00.Christmas.Special.WEB

"The cellar door flew open with
a booming sound,

"and then he heard the noise much
louder on the floors below.

"Then, coming up the stairs, then
coming straight towards his door.

"'It's humbug still,' said Scrooge.

"'I won't believe it.'

"His colour changed though, when,
without a pause, it came straight on

"through the heavy door, and passed
into his room before his eyes.

"Upon its coming in, the dying flame
leaped up, as though it cried,

"'I know him!
Marley's ghost!' and fell again.

"The same face, the very same.

"Marley in his pigtail,
usual waistcoat, tights and boots.

"'How, now,' said Scrooge,
caustic and cold as ever.

"'What do you want with me?' 'Much.'

"Marley's voice, and no doubt about
it.

"'Who are you?'

"'Ask me who I WAS.'"

Ah!

You know, pretty sure the
sound of a cockerel

should herald the dawn of a new day.

Well, we've got a duck.

Deal with it.

It's very disconcerting.

I've got all the food to make
for the Christmas concert tonight,

so Mum's doing breakfast.

Get a move on! OK.

Fine.

Cold, Selwyn.

Very cold.

It was agreed at the
family meeting -

no job, no driving lessons.

I don't mind having a job,
but this is embarrassing.

Why?
People know you're not a real elf.

It's a bit childish,
don't you think?

Says the girl eating
SpongeBob Choco Pops.

Everyone I know will be in town.
All my mates.

Boys? Exactly.

And what boy is going to ask me out
when I'm dressed as a five-foot elf?

Someone who appreciates
the spirit of Christmas.

Anyway, like I said, family meeting.

You agreed you'd do it
until Christmas Eve.

Keep calling it a family meeting,
but it's basically just

sitting at the dining table
and you telling me what to do.

What can I say? It's a mum thing.

Right, I've got to go.

Put your bowl in the sink
and lock the door.

Oh, no Maccie D's for lunch.

Get something elfy.
You're funny. I know!

Well, apparently we're now
the subject of a full-scale review.

Did they say why?

I think the bottom line is they want
to make sure we're cost-effective.

Sounds very corporate.

It's been the elephant in the
room since I got here.

Small station houses aren't part of
the bigger picture any more.

They'd quite like everyone
under the same roof. Super hubs.

Well,
it's obvious what that's all about.

Is it?

Yeah,
they want to sell the building.

Turn it into flats or something.

It's right in the centre of town.
Must be worth a fortune.

That would be a shame.
Yes, it would.

Shall I organise a protest group?

"Save our station."

Well, hopefully I can convince them
of our worth by doing an excellent
job.

I'll start by making a
few calls anyway.

Morning. Morning. Morning.

Didn't we have a health
and safety meeting

about hanging Christmas decorations?

I'm wearing a hat.

I'm not sure that's exactly
what we agreed.

Still, looking very festive.

I love Christmas.

Yeah, well,
I could do with a quiet day.

I've still got presents to buy.

I'm buying everyone the same
thing this year.

It's a revelation.

No picking and choosing
and a discount for buying in bulk.

Genius.

What are you
doing for Christmas Day?

Cooking 43 Christmas
dinners at the church hall.

You're amazing, Margo. Oh...

What about you, Kelbs?

Oh, I'm at home.

Me, Mum, Dad and Aunt Lou.

Oh, Nan might come as well,

but she needs to find someone to
look after her cat.

Well, can't she bring it with her?

No. Mum's allergic to cats. Oh.

Her head blows up like a football.

We even have to hoover Nan
when she arrives.

The Inspector not here?

No. He's at HQ this morning.

'Course he is.

Urgh.

So much for a quiet day.

DS Williams.

Oh.

Sorry to keep you.
Oh, not at all.

Um, I just seem to be
having an issue with...

Oh.

Thank you.

Bit of a tricky little critter,
isn't it?

The one at the station
is a bit more basic.

Well, it's a tap.

Sorry, I, er ...

Oh, thank you.

Would you like a glass of water?

No, thank you.

Ah.

Thank you.

You know why you're here?

Er, the review, yes.

Could you stop doing that, please?

Sorry? Could you stop?

Oh.

As discussed, there is
a wider review taking place

of outlying station houses
over Q1 of next year.

And whilst the criterion is
still under review,

the overall aim is to
identify a SOPPS ratio.

Er, SOPPS?

Successful Outcome Per Pound Spent.

It's an algorithm that sets
performance against cost.

Right.

I have some sympathy for the
concept of local station houses,

and community-based policing,
I really do.

But I have to balance that
with making sure

we provide value for money.

Right, so ultimately, you think
Shipton Abbott should close.

I think you need to give me
a good reason for it not to.

Yeah, leave everything as it is.

Someone will be there shortly.

Yeah.

That makes four.

Where's Kelby?

Got a call about a shoplifter.

Well, I'd better make a start.

Can you message the Inspector?

Tell him to meet me
at the first one, er, the Owens.

Will do.

Thanks.

Who's this?

He got caught nicking a jumbo
sausage roll from the bakery.

Why didn't you just take him home,
speak to his parents?

Because he said his name was Rishi
Sunak and that he lived in Canada.

Right.

How old are you?

27.

I'll leave this
one to you, I think, Margo.

Oh, thanks.

Give him something to drink
and a biscuit.

I'll call Social Services.

They let him keep it?

No.

He said he was hungry,
so I paid for it.

I want that back from your
mum and dad, though.

Come on.

Wait, Rishi.

Sit, Rishi.

Um...

Be good.

So how was it?

Slightly mind boggling.

But I think the bottom line is
we're something of a sliver

in a bigger pie chart.

Is that good or bad?

We'll find out at the end of Q1.

So what do we need to do?

Well, if I understood correctly,
we need to catch as many

criminals as we can for the least
amount of money.

Talking of which, what have we got?

Er, four break-ins reported
overnight.

SOCOs have attended at all four,
and although we can't be sure,

it looks like the same
MO on all of them.

Someone's been busy.
Anything to work with?

No prints. Er, we've got a few
cloth fibres. Nothing else.

This is the first -
Kai and Hannah Owen.

Flipping 'eck, Kai.

Mrs Owen?
I'm Detective Sergeant Williams.

This is DI Goodman.
Can we come in?

Hi, yeah.

Please, excuse the mess.

We think they came through here.

My husband says they knew what
they were doing.

He's a builder.

Right, have you any idea what
time it happened?

Er, we went up to bed just
after 11:00,

and Kai was up again for work
at 6:00, so somewhere between then.

You don't have any cameras anywhere?

Oh, I've got a doorbell
but I checked it, and nothing.

Do you have an alarm system?

It wasn't on.

Right. We'll need you to make
a list of what's been stolen.

Well, that's just it. Nothing.

Nothing?

I have checked everywhere,
and I can't find anything missing.

They must have been disturbed.
So it would seem, yes.

Where's the next one?

Er, Sandcroft Way.

Josh Woods and his fiancee, Lucy.

Josh Woods?
So the predator becomes the prey.

Hmm.

Yeah, we reckon they
climbed over the back fence.

There's wheely bins out there,

so if you lay them on their side
you can use them to get over.

Land in the garden,
kitchen window's there.

If I had to guess.

The kitchen window was wide open,
though.

Any damage?

No, you get a bit of bent wire,
use it to scoop the latch.

Bob's your uncle, you're in.

Probably.

Do you have a list of what
was stolen?

I assume you'll be making
an insurance claim.

Well, I...

No, no, that's just it.

Um, I don't think anything
was missing. Nothing?

Well, we don't know that yet.

Not that I can see.

Could they have been disturbed?

Well, by what?

I was in bed and Josh was
dead to the world on the sofa.

They could have used a bulldozer
and he wouldn't have woken up.

Yeah. Party at Langstone.

I was hammered.

Still am.

I've checked through the presents
and had a good look through every
room.

Can't find anything missing.

Haven't, er, wrapped everything,
though, yet, have you?

What?

I know you got me an iPad.

You wish. Strange.

You've got ash on top
of your electric fire.

You been smoking that
stuff in here again? No.

Better not have been.
I haven't. Hmm.

I saw a pile of ash
in the fireplace at the last house.

No offence, Sir, but isn't that what
you'd expect to find in a fireplace?

Ordinarily, yes, yes, but the rest
of the hearth was spotless.

So they missed a bit.

Guys. Guys.

You know this has nothing to
do with me, right?

Just whenever anything
like this happens,

you always think I've done it.
Because you usually have.

Yeah, that may or not be true, but
this time you have to believe me.

I didn't do nothing.

Anything. Eh?

You didn't do anything.

I know,
that's what I'm trying to tell you.

We know. See, this is exactly...
Say what now?

We know this is nothing to
do with you.

Yeah. Good.

How?

Because even you aren't stupid
enough to break into your own

house and not steal anything.

Exactly.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Bye, Josh.

Looks like it was prised open.

I thought you might send that
nice young constable.

Kelby? Oh,
he was dealing with a shoplifter.

Oh.

What a nice-looking boy.

If only I were 20 years younger.

Oh, and I always close this
door at night, cos my,

my Minnie sleeps in here by the Aga,
but it was wide open when I got up.

Minnie? Cat.

Ah. And you're absolutely certain
nothing has been taken?

Yes, positive.

Well, I know, it looks a bit muddled
but I know where everything is.

Is this yours?

No. Are you sure?

Positive.

Well, I can't wear gold, you see.

I come out in a rash.

My mum did Arts and Crafts.

Used to make me bangles
and the like, but never gold.

Visitors, perhaps?

Oh, I don't have visitors.

Well, only you.

And young Kelby.

So, no, no, no, I have never seen
that before in my life.

Yes.

Well, I don't understand.

I mean, why would someone break in
but not take anything?

Why indeed?

Um,
when will Social Services get here?

They're short-handed, Kelby.

They said they'll get here
when they can.

OK.

Could I have a go with your hat?

Er, no, you can't.

Can I have a go with your handcuffs?

No.

You have to have special training.

What else you got?

I've got a baton, CS spray...

..and access to a Taser,
if I need it.

Can I Taser you?

No.

Can you Taser me? No.

OK, but if you give me
your real name and address,

I'll let you have a go on my bike.

No, thanks.

OK.

And did you or your wife see
or hear anything?

No.
And you say nothing has been taken?

Not as far as we can...see.

Have you lived here long?

Nine years in February.

We inherited the house from
Mary's mum when she passed.

Sorry, do you mind me asking, why
have you only got half a moustache?

It was my eldest son's
stag last night.

Honestly, I have two boys
and they are a nightmare.

Practical jokers.

I dozed off at one point and
they thought it would be funny

to shave it off,
or at least half of it.

Well, I wouldn't worry.

It's rather fetching.

Do your boys still live with you?

Oh, God, no!

Though they do come
home often enough,

bring their washing and steal food,

and put clingfilm over
the toilet bowl.

They have their parcels delivered
here because we're always in.

I've been tripping over
a television in the hallway

since I got back home.

It would have been their
own fault if it got nicked.

Maybe I'll tell them it was.

Why would someone break into four
different houses

just to burn something and leave?

I've absolutely no idea.

Witchcraft?
Some kind of pagan rites?

Isn't it the winter solstice?

Well, whatever it was, it's clear
that theft wasn't the motive.

There's a brand-new TV
in there, still boxed.

All it needed was a label saying
"steal me".

Let's find out what
we can about the bracelet.

If it was dropped by whoever broke
in, it's the only real lead we have.

I'll get these ash samples
to the lab,

see if they can tell us
anything.

Sir.

So, Archie's definitely gone?

Well, he's still at the vineyard.

We're just not partners any more.

Probably wise.

Always best to remove temptation.

I wasn't tempted.

Not even a little bit?

Absolutely not.

Well,
you have more willpower than me.

I could have spread
mayonnaise all over him

and eaten him in a sandwich.
That's very specific.

Hiya.
All right?

Being a widow doesn't permanently
dull the senses, you know, darling?

I still have the occasional itch.

I'm not sure I want to
talk about your itches.

Ah, Kelby.

What can I get you?

Ooh, er, three coffees
and a sausage sandwich, please.

Brown sauce?

Mayonnaise?

Er, I didn't ask.

Better leave it plain.

Not for you, then?

It better not be for Humphrey,
after I cooked him breakfast.

No, it's, er, for this young boy
we're looking after, er,

until Social Services pick him up.

Do you know who he is?

He says he's Rishi Sunak,
but we don't believe him.

Right.

I'll get your coffee and sandwich.

Thanks, Martha.

Actually, better make it two
sausage sandwiches.

Ketchup on the second one, please.

Right.

Well, it seems to me there are two
questions we need to answer.

Actually, three.

One - why on Earth would you
break into a house

with the sole purpose of
burning something?

Two - why those houses in
particular?

Why not a neighbour or
a house across the street?

And three - why is there a small
child sitting next to Margo?

Kelby brought him in.

He got caught nicking a sausage
roll at the baker's.

He's eaten the evidence.

Does he have a name?

DS Williams.

Well, he gave me
a false name to start with.

It took me three sherbet dabs
to find out his real name's Freddie.

Hello, Freddie.
All right?

Won't your mum
and dad be worried about you?

Ain't got a dad.

OK. Your mum, then?
Okey dokey. Thanks.

That was the lab.

The ash found in all four houses
originated from the same

material source - decent-quality
writing paper, traces of ink -

which confirms all
four break-ins are linked.

And they think the cloth
fibres found at the scene

came from white cotton gloves.

What kind of burglar wears
white cotton gloves?

I know who it is.

It's obvious, innit? Um, is it?

A man sneaking into people's houses
at Christmas wearing white gloves.

It's Santa.

He's got a point. That would make
sense with the ash, too.

It got caught on his clothes
when he came down the chimney.

So our only credible suspect
is Father Christmas.

Open-and-shut case.
Can we all go home now?

Not quite, Margo.
And thank you, Freddie.

No, before we arrest Santa
and ruin everyone's Christmas,

let's check all other avenues first.

Such as, what links, if any, can
we find between the four victims?

Anything back on the
bracelet we found?

Not yet.

Shipton Abbott Police Station.
Coffees.

And I got Rishi a lemonade to
go with his sandwich.

His name's Freddie.

I've got Josh Woods on the phone.

He wants a crime
number for his insurance.

Nothing was stolen.

He says he's just realised he might
have lost his gold bracelet.

Erm...

I'm not sure.

You're not sure?

I just had it on my wrist. I didn't
spend all day looking at it.

If it is yours,

can you explain what it might have
been doing in Mrs Jones' cottage?

Maybe she nicked it.

Or, maybe it came off your wrist
while you were breaking in.

I didn't break in anywhere.

Can you account for
your whereabouts last night?

I told you,
I had a party at the Langstone.

Birthday for Snoop Dogg.
Snoop Dogg?

Not that one. Paul Harris.

Works at the wool shop.

I tell you why we call him
Snoop Dogg.... Doesn't matter.

So you have people who can
confirm you were there?

Yeah.

Till what time?
Half one, two?

And after that?

It's all a bit of a blur,
to be honest.

Thoughts?

He got drunk, reverted to type,

wandered around breaking into
houses smoking his wacky baccy.

Except the ash wasn't marijuana.
It was writing paper.

And why would
he also break into his own house?

All I know is, whenever
Josh Woods is in the picture,

he's usually guilty of something.

That he may be,
but is he really our housebreaker?

I don't know.

His fiancee, Lucy, seems a little
more straightforward.

Let's talk to her again.

Ooh, the Christmas market.

Mind if we just stop off?

Er, no.

Let me wear your outfit now.

Come on, please.

Hello. Oh!
How's it all going?

Shouldn't you be working?

We are.
We had four break-ins last night

and we're just on our way to see
a suspect's fiancee.

Not to mention baby-sitting a
mystery boy until Social Services
get here.

Oh, Kelby told me.

Has a taste for sausages.

It would seem so.

Well, this all looks very
Christmassy.

That's the general idea.

Hello. Hi.

It's been quite a year.

Yeah, it has.

Glad to see the back of it?

No.

Not even the IVF?

It didn't work.

But we always knew it might not.

And we broke up.

And we got back together.

And we moved here, and you bought
a boat, and we've got a duck,

and it's Christmas.

So we're winning?

I think we are. Don't you?

I'm definitely winning.
I've got you.

How very true.

Put her down. She's supposed to
be hanging tinsel.

Sorry.

Are you joining us tonight, Esther?

Er, as long as I don't have to sing.

Singing is compulsory. We should go.
Yeah.

See you later.

Bye.

Oh, my daughter's at the grotto.
Do you mind?

No, of course not.

If you don't let go, I'm going to
tell Santa not to bring you any

presents this year, and take back
the ones you got last year.

How's it going?

They keep pulling on me bells.

You do know elves
are supposed to be happy.

I will be when I get home.

Zoe, this is Inspector Goodman
I've been telling you about.

Hi.
Very pleased to meet you, Zoe.

She's not really an elf.
It's a costume.

Excuse my mum,
she thinks she's funny.

So, er, do you need anything?
Yeah.

This lot to stop pulling me about.

Well, if they hurt you,
tell someone,

because it's very important.

What is?

ELF and safety in the workplace.

Wow.

He lost it in June.

What?

On a jet ski in Minorca.

As soon as you mentioned insurance,
he started making a list of all

the things that we've lost, or that
have broken, in the past year.

"Watch, microwave,
smartphone, gold bracelet."

You, er, do know that such
a claim would be fraudulent?

I told him that, but he said he'd
get a crime number just in case.

I wouldn't have let him do it.

I'm sorry,
but you know what he's like.

Right, well, we'll, er,
we'll send him home.

We can keep him if you like.

Chuck away the key?

Nah.

Oh, I love the bones of him.

Right.

Anyone for hot chocolate?
I need a taste test.

Oh, go on, then.

There's a few cakes too.

Ooh, thanks, Martha.

This our mystery boy, is it?
Er, yeah.

Social Services are supposed to
be on their way,

but the social worker got held up.

Well, I'm going back to the cafe.

Do you want me
to take him for a while?

He must need feeding again.

You hungry?

Yeah.

You look like a girl who needs cake.

Thanks.

Just catching my breath
before we start.

You looking forward to it?

Not if this morning is
anything to go by.

I've already been pulled
about by a load of ankle-biters

demanding to see Santa.

You'll be fine once you get going.

All those smiling little faces
excited to see Father Christmas.

Or not.

I'm dreading it.

Then, why do it in the first place?

Mum said I had to get a job or
she wouldn't get me driving lessons.

That doesn't sound unreasonable.

No, but why couldn't she get me
something normal,

or at least indoors?

Oh, so that's what you're
kicking against.

You don't like it
because it's Mum's idea.

You know, my daughter is exactly the
same.

Has been since she was old enough
to have an opinion.

If I suggested something,
she'd disagree on principle.

It's perfectly natural.

She's so annoying.

I don't doubt it.

But I suspect not quite as annoying
as my daughter finds me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to...

Don't be.

It's the way of the world.

The thing to remember, though,

is no matter how hard done by
you're feeling,

you should try to see it from
other people's point of view.

Right or wrong, your mum is only
trying to teach you that

if you want something out of
life you need to work for it.

That's not a bad lesson to learn,
now, is it?

And then there's all those
little ones who've been

excited for weeks, knowing that
today is the day they're

going to see Santa Claus,
and they're going to tell him

what they want to find under
the tree on Christmas morning.

And the last thing they deserve is
to be greeted by a grumpy elf.

Hmm?

Shall I tell you a mums' secret?

The more you complain about
something, the more fun it is for
us.

So if you really want to
get her back,

tell her you're really enjoying it.

She'll be mortified.

OK, I've tried everything.

I can't find any link between the
houses that were broken into,

apart from the fact that they're all
houses and people live in them.

Anything back on the bracelet?
No.

What's this?

They sent over all the paperwork
for the station review.

Anything not closed by the
Christmas break,

will be included in the Q1 figures.
What does that mean?

Well, it means that with
these break-ins,

our clear-up rate will
begin at minus four.

We're screwed.

Great.

Mm, where's the Munchkin?

Oh, Martha took him to the
cafe for something to eat.

I think he's got hollow legs.

Well, I'll check in,
make sure she's OK

and maybe get some coffees
while I'm at it.

I've a feeling we're going
to need them.

Hi.

Freddie.

How's the food?

Wicked. Wicked.

Well, I'm starting to think we're
doing you a disservice,

creating the illusion that
running away from home

is far more fun than it ought to
be -

a world festooned with sweets
and sausages in various forms.

Take no notice.

He just likes using big words.

Yes.

All the same, though,
we need to get you home, OK?

So what happened?
Had a fallout with your mum?

She's well annoying. Yeah.

Well, mums can be annoying
sometimes,

but it's usually
because they care about you.

Don't feel like it.

So what did she do that was so bad?

She took my phone off me.

Golly.

I didn't even have a phone
when I was your age.

Well, if you did, you'd be annoyed
if someone took it off you.

Dare say I would.

Now I can't talk to my grandad.

Are you close to your grandad?

We're best friends.

Hmm.

I'm sure you love your grandad,

and it's not fair that
you can't talk to him,

but I'm still not sure that's
a reason to run away from home.

I'm not running away.

I'm thinking.

Oh, you're thinking?

Well, you know that when the lady
from Social Services gets here,

you'll have to tell her
where you live.

Why?

Well, because if you don't,
there's a good chance they'll take

you into care.

And you don't want that to happen,
do you?

However annoying your mum is.

Can't I just stay here?

Well, as much as we'd enjoy that
too, it's just not really possible.

Why not?

Well, as a policeman, I am...

..well placed to quote on elements
of the law and I can report

that kidnapping children is
incontrovertibly frowned upon.

Big words again.

You wouldn't be kidnapping me,
not if I wanted to stay.

Yeah, I'm sorry,
it's not really up to you, or us.

Well, it should be.

DI Goodman?
Thought I recognised the name.

Ah, Mrs Owen. Hannah Owen.

Social Services.

Hello, Ryan. Ryan?

You know him?

I work with his social worker.

We've been helping the family deal
with a few issues, haven't we, Ryan?

Don't want to go home.

I want to stay here.

Well,
your mum's very worried about you.

She won't let me
talk to my grandad.

Well, we can all go and talk
about that together, can't we?

Shipton Abbott Police Station.

She's on the other
line at the moment.

DI Goodman's just popped out.

Can I take a message?

OK. Thank you.

This is very strange.

What is?

I can't work out if it
means anything or it doesn't.

And I can't help you
if you don't tell me what it is.

Well, I hit a dead end trying
to find a link between the houses,

like the Inspector said,

so I did a cross-check against any
previous crimes at those addresses.

And...?

It's happened before.

What has?

Those exact four houses,

they were all burgled at the same
time 50 years ago.

He said he had a
falling-out with his mum.

One of many, I'm sorry to say.

He lost his dad a few years back.

Mum got a new boyfriend.

He reacted quite badly,
became a bit disruptive at school.

They contacted us and we've been
keeping an eye on things.

He mentioned his grandad.

The one real constant in his life.

They're very close.

Look, his mum's trying really hard.

He'll be fine when I get him home.

Bless him.

I'll make sure he's OK
before I leave.

Do you think he'll be all right?

Let's hope so.

Oh, Sir, we found something.

All four houses were burgled before,
all within three days of each other.

What?

Christmas week, 50 years ago.

1973.

Only that time, things were stolen.

Why did none of them mention this?

Well, the Owens and Josh Woods
didn't live there then,

and neither did the Beckers.

They inherited
the house from her mother. Kathleen?

She grew up in that house
but it's a long time ago.

Mm.

Coins...

..games console...

..TV.

One of these is a gold bracelet.

Coincidence?

It cannot be!
I don't believe in them.

Kelby, was anyone
arrested for these burglaries?

Um...

One suspect arrested and questioned,
released without charge.

Ernest Buchanan.

The detective in charge, DI Foster,
cites a lack of evidence.

Anything else?

Only that they were
opportunistic thefts.

Windows left open,
back doors and the like.

Oh, and he adds
at the bottom that they weren't

looking for anyone else.

Sounds like they knew who it was
but couldn't prove it.

Mm.

Oh, Frank Becker phoned
while you were out.

Left a message.

He said he doesn't know what it
means, but the TV

in the lounge wasn't ordered by his
sons or anyone else in the house.

It just appeared,
after the break-in.

Looks like it WAS Santa after all.

Maybe that's exactly what it was.

If the bracelet isn't a
coincidence, then neither is the TV.

I wonder...

Kelby, find out
what you can about Ernest Buchanan.

Is he still alive?
Did he go on to commit other crimes?

We need to check the other
two crime scenes.

Coffee.

Like what?

A jar of coins.

Has one just appeared anywhere?
Or a game console.

No. You haven't found anything
in the house that you thought didn't

belong here or you didn't know
where it came from?

No.

Josh?

No.

Oh, except for you know what?

I told you. In your dreams.

Ta-da! I saw it on the side.

It's nothing to do with me.

Josh.

Thank you.

What?

OK, what's the first ever
Christmas present you remember?

I think the first main present
I remember was an Easy-Bake oven.

You got an oven for Christmas?

Not a real one, you gurt noodle.

A little toy one.

Green, it was,
with little light bulbs inside.

But could you actually cook
in it, though?

Well, I mean,
you couldn't do a Sunday roast,

but you could do cakes.

That doesn't sound safe,
letting kids cook.

We didn't worry about things
like that when I was young.

We rode bikes without helmets,

we spent all day on the beach
without sun screen.

We didn't even have
seat belts in the car.

What happened
if you had an accident?

It was Mum's job.

Put her arm across you.

That is wild.

How about you?

Ooh, first one I proper remember
is getting

all four Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtle characters.

You see, that's
the difference in our generations.

We got presents to prepare us
for the life ahead.

You got turtles.

Yeah, but they fought crime,
though, didn't they?

So that prepared me
for being a policeman.

You know, sometimes, Kelby,

I don't think you're
half as daft as you look.

Thanks.

How'd you know that?

Call it a lucky guess.

Well, it weren't coins.

I mean,
I didn't think anything of it.

Kai's a builder. He's always leaving
cash lying around.

I banked it...

..to cover the mortgage that's
just gone up, again.

Can I ask how much you found?

Kelby.

Ernest Buchanan?

Er...

Born December 29th, 1953,
widowed in 2019, one son, er,

nothing further on record of him,
not even a parking ticket.

Oh, last known address,
Upper Denbury.

It's about eight miles away.

Occupation?

Jeweller.

White gloves.

Indeed.

So...

So...

1973.

Let's say a 19-year-old
Ernest Buchanan

wasn't so much a burglar
as an opportunistic thief.

Breaking into what is now
the Owen house,

he stole a glass jar
containing £55 in coins.

Later the same week,
I think he stole a gold bracelet

from Kathleen's cottage.

As Kathleen has an allergy,
I'm guessing it was her mother's.

Followed by the game console
from the house

that now belongs to
Josh Woods and fiancee Lucy.

And finally, the TV from the home
of Frank Becker's mother-in-law.

OK. So what if,
all these years later,

Ernest Buchanan had some
kind of crisis?

For some reason yet to be
established,

he was overcome with guilt,

with an undeniable desire to
put right the wrongs of his past.

We know he never offended again.

I don't think the gold bracelet was
dropped there by accident.

I think it was put there on purpose.

Then someone must have
knocked it on the floor.

One down, three to go.

The TV was simple enough.

New for old.

And Frank Becker thought
the TV turning up

was another prank by his two
boisterous sons. Yes.

Then, the game console.

Which was a little harder to
replace like for like,

so instead he bought a tablet.

Which Josh saw,

but just assumed it was a Christmas
present from Lucy yet to be wrapped.

Exactly.

Flipping 'eck, Kai.

And the jar of coins?

As Hannah said,
her husband Kai is a builder,

who has a habit of leaving cash
lying around.

She found £569,

which I bet is exactly what

£55 in 1973 would be worth today.

So Ernest Buchanan returned to the
scene of his former crimes

to replace the things he'd stolen.

But why would he go to all this
trouble after half a century?

I'm dying.

I have cancer.

They tell me it's stage four,

which apparently means
I'm riddled with it.

And it's strange how discovering
you've only got a few months

to live helps to
reacquaint you with God.

It's no time to be making enemies.

No.

My father, er, was a very religious
man.

He found comfort in it,
and, er, I thought I might.

So I picked up a Bible,

which is something I haven't
done for a long time.

I suppose I was looking for a way to
make sense of what's happening.

Anyway, I found something.

Sort of leapt out at me
while I was flicking through.

It's a story about an old king
called Hezekiah, and he was dying.

And a prophet, called Isaiah,
said to him...

.."Put your house in order,
because you are about to die."

That seemed like sensible advice.

Have a bit of a tidy up before...

And it's funny, as I read it,
I heard it in my dad's voice,

like he was telling me what to do.

And that's what you were doing?

Putting your house in order?

Yeah.

I always felt guilty, taking those
things from those people.

So why not put it right,

and make my peace with
the universe before I leave it?

And...have a bit of fun
at the same time.

And the ash?

The ash you left at all the houses.

That's a thing my dad used to
make us do when we were children.

Write our sins on a piece of paper
and then burn it to show remorse.

If you were trying to show remorse,
Ernest, you left it a long time.

I know.

Life keeps you busy though,
doesn't it?

Your priorities change
and time just goes.

One day you go to sleep a boy of 19,
and you wake up

a 70-year-old man, looking back
at all the stupid things you did.

Didn't you have family?

No, I lost my wife, and my son.

I'm sorry.

My son's widow, she got herself
a boyfriend eight months after

my son died, and I thought it was
too soon, and then we argued and...

..I said things that I regret now.

The boyfriend didn't last,
of course,

but the damage had been done.

Your daughter-in-law, does
she know that you're not well?

No, no.

No, she doesn't know.

Don't you think you should tell her?

Well, I thought about it,
but why pass on my problems to them?

Maybe some things are better
left as they are.

So, what now?

Do you need to take me in?

Even if he put things back,
rather than taking anything,

it's still forced entry.

Yes.

So do we pursue with CPS or not?

Well, we'll go through the
process because,

because we have to,
but it'll never go to court.

I think we could push for a caution.

You know, without a conviction,

we've got four burglaries that
won't qualify for the review.

Well, sometimes there are more
important things

than a pie chart, I suppose.

Like a real pie.

A pie of the ginger and cinnamon
variety, cooked by the woman I love

and about to be served
with a hot mulled wine

at the Christmas market,
right about now.

Sir.

Can we stop somewhere on the way?

Wash your hands, darling,
your tea's nearly ready.

Jane Buchanan?

Yeah.

Hi, Grandad. Oh!

Mum found out I was calling you,
so she took my phone off me.

But now she's just given it me back.

Hi, Ernie. How you doing?

Oh, you know, love,
rolling with the punches.

Police came round.

They said you've not been well.

I wish you'd said.

No point both of us worrying,
is there?

It's been too long.

Yes, it has.

Want a chip, Grandad?

Oh, ta.

Can we finish the story now?

Yeah, 'course we can.

You comfortable?

Yep.

All right...

"'Mr Scrooge?'"

"'Yes', said Scrooge,
'that is my name,

"'and I fear it may not be
pleasant to you.

"'Allow me to ask your pardon.'"

God, sorry, excuse me.
Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.

Gosh, it's busy.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, can I? Please.

Ooh, how was it?

Loved it.

Mm-hm.

What's she talking about?

Oh, hiya.

How's Ryan doing?

Really good.

He's got his phone back,
he's talking to Grandad,

and he and Mum have
made their peace.

Oh, that's brilliant news.

You and Humphrey were
so good with him.

He talked about you all
the way home. Ah, that's nice.

You don't have kids?

No, it didn't really happen for us.

Oh. Oh.

Well, if you ever feel
you have the time and the energy

to do for other kids what you
did for Ryan today, here's my card.

We're always looking for
foster carers.

Inspector.

Ma'am.

Are an inspector's wages

so bad these days that you can't
afford a coat?

Oh, I can't really do coats.

Too many pockets.

Last time I wore one, I missed three
trains trying to find my ticket.

I spoke with Sergeant Williams.

She talked me through the outcome
of the break-ins investigations,

and your desire to pursue a caution
with the man responsible, and why.

Yes, Ma'am.

Which will put you at a disadvantage
with regards to your review.

Unfortunately, yes, it will.

In the circumstances I think it
prudent that we don't start

to collect your figures
until January.

Circumstances, Ma'am?

It's Christmas, Inspector.

So it is.

See you in the New Year.

Hi. Yeah.

Feeling all right?

Everything is absolutely perfect.

I've been thinking.

Today's been a bit like
A Christmas Carol.

You know, Scrooge and the spirits of
Christmas past, present and future.

Oh?

We had a bit of a strange
case today,

which was all about righting
the wrongs of a Christmas past.

Then in the Christmas present,

a young boy was reunited
with his grandad.

If we could only know
what our Christmas future holds.

Happy Christmas.

Happy Christmas.

Oh, sorry.

Kelby! Kelby!

Santa! Santa!

Santa!

Merry Christmas, Sir.

Merry Christmas, Sergeant.