All language subtitles for Beyond.Paradise.S01E00.HDTV.x264-TORRENTGALAXY

DUCK QUACKS

Ah!

You know, pretty sure
the sound of a cockerel

should herald the
dawn of a new day.

Well, we've got a duck.

Deal with it.

It's very disconcerting.

I've got all the food to make for
the Christmas concert tonight,

so Mum's doing breakfast.

Get a move on! OK.

Fine. DUCK QUACKS

Cold, Selwyn.

Very cold.

It was agreed at
the family meeting -

no job, no driving lessons.

I don't mind having a job,
but this is embarrassing.

Why? People know
you're not a real elf.

It's a bit childish,
don't you think?

Says the girl eating
SpongeBob Choco Pops.

Everyone I know will be
in town. All my mates.

Boys? Exactly.

And what boy is going to ask me out
when I'm dressed as a five-foot elf?

Someone who appreciates
the spirit of Christmas.

Anyway, like I said,
family meeting.

You agreed you'd do it
until Christmas Eve.

Keep calling it a family
meeting, but it's basically just

sitting at the dining table
and you telling me what to do.

What can I say?
It's a mum thing.

Right, I've got to go.

Put your bowl in the
sink and lock the door.

Oh, no Maccie D's for lunch.

Get something elfy.
You're funny. I know!

Well, apparently we're now the
subject of a full-scale review.

Did they say why?

I think the bottom line is they want
to make sure we're cost-effective.

Sounds very corporate.

It's been the elephant in
the room since I got here.

Small station houses aren't part
of the bigger picture any more.

They'd quite like everyone
under the same roof. Super hubs.

Well, it's obvious
what that's all about.

Is it?

Yeah, they want to
sell the building.

Turn it into flats or something.

It's right in the centre of
town. Must be worth a fortune.

That would be a
shame. Yes, it would.

Shall I organise
a protest group?

"Save our station."

Well, hopefully I can convince them of
our worth by doing an excellent job.

I'll start by making
a few calls anyway.

MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY

HUMS JINGLE BELLS

Morning. Morning. Morning.

Didn't we have a health
and safety meeting

about hanging
Christmas decorations?

I'm wearing a hat.

I'm not sure that's
exactly what we agreed.

Still, looking very festive.

I love Christmas.

Yeah, well, I could
do with a quiet day.

I've still got presents to buy.

I'm buying everyone the
same thing this year.

It's a revelation.

No picking and choosing and a
discount for buying in bulk.

Genius.

What are you doing
for Christmas Day?

Cooking 43 Christmas
dinners at the church hall.

You're amazing, Margo. Oh...

What about you, Kelbs?

Oh, I'm at home.

Me, Mum, Dad and Aunt Lou.

Oh, Nan might come as well,

but she needs to find someone
to look after her cat.

Well, can't she
bring it with her?

No. Mum's allergic to cats. Oh.

Her head blows up
like a football.

We even have to hoover
Nan when she arrives.

OTHERS SNICKER

The Inspector not here?

No. He's at HQ this morning.

'Course he is.

PHONE RINGS Urgh.

So much for a quiet day.

DS Williams.

MACHINE BEEPS

MACHINE BEEPS

BEEPS REPETITIVELY

GROANS

Oh.

Sorry to keep you.
Oh, not at all.

Um, I just seem to be
having an issue with...

MACHINE BEPS

Oh.

Thank you.

Bit of a tricky little
critter, isn't it?

The one at the station
is a bit more basic.

Well, it's a tap.

HE CLEARS THROAT

Sorry, I, er...

Oh, thank you.

Would you like a glass of water?

No, thank you.

Ah.

Thank you.

You know why you're here?

Er, the review, yes.

Could you stop
doing that, please?

Sorry? Could you stop?

Oh.

As discussed, there is a
wider review taking place

of outlying station houses
over Q1 of next year.

And whilst the criterion
is still under review,

the overall aim is to
identify a SOPPS ratio.

Er, SOPPS?

Successful Outcome
Per Pound Spent.

It's an algorithm that sets
performance against cost.

Right.

I have some sympathy for the
concept of local station houses,

and community-based
policing, I really do.

But I have to balance
that with making sure

we provide value for money.

Right, so ultimately, you think
Shipton Abbott should close.

I think you need to give me
a good reason for it not to.

Yeah, leave everything as it is.

Someone will be there shortly.

Yeah.

That makes four.

Where's Kelby?

Got a call about a shoplifter.

Well, I'd better make a start.

Can you message the Inspector?

Tell him to meet me at the
first one, er, the Owens.

Will do.

Thanks.

Who's this?

He got caught nicking a jumbo
sausage roll from the bakery.

Why didn't you just take him
home, speak to his parents?

Because he said his name was Rishi
Sunak and that he lived in Canada.

Right.

How old are you?

27.

I'll leave this one to
you, I think, Margo.

Oh, thanks.

Give him something to
drink and a biscuit.

I'll call Social Services.

They let him keep it?

No.

He said he was hungry,
so I paid for it.

I want that back from
your mum and dad, though.

Come on.

Wait, Rishi.

Sit, Rishi.

Um...

Be good.

So how was it?

Slightly mind boggling.

But I think the bottom line
is we're something of a sliver

in a bigger pie chart.

Is that good or bad?

We'll find out at the end of Q1.

So what do we need to do?

Well, if I understood correctly,
we need to catch as many

criminals as we can for
the least amount of money.

Talking of which,
what have we got?

Er, four break-ins
reported overnight.

SOCOs have attended at all four,
and although we can't be sure,

it looks like the same
MO on all of them.

Someone's been busy.
Anything to work with?

No prints. Er, we've got a few
cloth fibres. Nothing else.

This is the first -
Kai and Hannah Owen.

Flipping 'eck, Kai.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Mrs Owen? I'm Detective
Sergeant Williams.

This is DI Goodman.
Can we come in?

Hi, yeah.

Please, excuse the mess.

We think they came through here.

My husband says they knew
what they were doing.

He's a builder.

Right, have you any idea
what time it happened?

Er, we went up to
bed just after 11:00,

and Kai was up again for work at
6:00, so somewhere between then.

You don't have any
cameras anywhere?

Oh, I've got a doorbell but
I checked it, and nothing.

MUSIC FADES OUT

Do you have an alarm system?

It wasn't on.

Right. We'll need you to make
a list of what's been stolen.

Well, that's just it. Nothing.

Nothing?

I have checked everywhere, and
I can't find anything missing.

They must have been disturbed.
So it would seem, yes.

Where's the next one?

Er, Sandcroft Way.

Josh Woods and
his fiancee, Lucy.

Josh Woods? So the
predator becomes the prey.

Hmm.

Yeah, we reckon they
climbed over the back fence.

There's wheely bins out there,

so if you lay them on their side
you can use them to get over.

Land in the garden,
kitchen window's there.

If I had to guess.

The kitchen window
was wide open, though.

Any damage?

No, you get a bit of bent wire,
use it to scoop the latch.

Bob's your uncle, you're in.

Probably.

Do you have a list
of what was stolen?

I assume you'll be making
an insurance claim.

Well, I...

No, no, that's just it.

Um, I don't think anything
was missing. Nothing?

Well, we don't know that yet.

Not that I can see.

Could they have been disturbed?

Well, by what?

I was in bed and Josh was
dead to the world on the sofa.

They could have used a bulldozer
and he wouldn't have woken up.

Yeah. Party at Langstone.

I was hammered.

Still am.

I've checked through the presents and
had a good look through every room.

Can't find anything missing.

Haven't, er, wrapped everything,
though, yet, have you?

What?

I know you got me an iPad.

You wish. Strange.

You've got ash on top
of your electric fire.

You been smoking that
stuff in here again? No.

Better not have
been. I haven't. Hmm.

I saw a pile of ash in the
fireplace at the last house.

No offence, Sir, but isn't that what
you'd expect to find in a fireplace?

Ordinarily, yes, yes, but the
rest of the hearth was spotless.

So they missed a bit.

Guys. Guys.

You know this has nothing
to do with me, right?

Just whenever anything
like this happens,

you always think I've done
it. Because you usually have.

Yeah, that may or not be true, but
this time you have to believe me.

I didn't do nothing.

Anything. Eh?

You didn't do anything.

I know, that's what
I'm trying to tell you.

We know. See, this is
exactly... Say what now?

We know this is
nothing to do with you.

Yeah. Good.

How?

Because even you aren't stupid
enough to break into your own

house and not steal anything.

Exactly.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Bye, Josh.

Looks like it was prised open.

I thought you might send
that nice young constable.

Kelby? Oh, he was dealing
with a shoplifter.

Oh.

What a nice-looking boy.

If only I were 20 years younger.

THEY SNICKER

Oh, and I always close
this door at night, cos my,

my Minnie sleeps in here by the Aga,
but it was wide open when I got up.

Minnie? Cat.

Ah. And you're absolutely
certain nothing has been taken?

Yes, positive.

Well, I know, it looks a bit muddled
but I know where everything is.

Is this yours?

No. Are you sure?

Positive.

Well, I can't wear
gold, you see.

I come out in a rash.

My mum did Arts and Crafts.

Used to make me bangles and
the like, but never gold.

Visitors, perhaps?

Oh, I don't have visitors.

Well, only you.

And young Kelby.

So, no, no, no, I have never
seen that before in my life.

Yes.

Well, I don't understand.

I mean, why would someone
break in but not take anything?

Why indeed?

Um, when will Social
Services get here?

They're short-handed, Kelby.

They said they'll get
here when they can.

OK.

Could I have a go with your hat?

Er, no, you can't.

Can I have a go
with your handcuffs?

No.

You have to have
special training.

What else you got?

I've got a baton, CS spray...

..and access to a
Taser, if I need it.

Can I Taser you?

No.

Can you Taser me? No.

OK, but if you give me
your real name and address,

I'll let you have
a go on my bike.

No, thanks.

OK.

And did you or your wife
see or hear anything?

No. And you say
nothing has been taken?

Not as far as we can... see.

Have you lived here long?

Nine years in February.

We inherited the house from
Mary's mum when she passed.

Sorry, do you mind me asking, why
have you only got half a moustache?

It was my eldest
son's stag last night.

Honestly, I have two boys
and they are a nightmare.

Practical jokers.

I dozed off at one point and
they thought it would be funny

to shave it off, or
at least half of it.

Well, I wouldn't worry.

It's rather fetching.

Do your boys still
live with you?

Oh, God, no!

Though they do come
home often enough,

bring their washing
and steal food,

and put clingfilm
over the toilet bowl.

They have their parcels delivered
here because we're always in.

I've been tripping over a
television in the hallway

since I got back home.

It would have been their
own fault if it got nicked.

Maybe I'll tell them it was.

Why would someone break
into four different houses

just to burn
something and leave?

I've absolutely no idea.

Witchcraft? Some
kind of pagan rites?

Isn't it the winter solstice?

Well, whatever it was, it's clear
that theft wasn't the motive.

There's a brand-new TV
in there, still boxed.

All it needed was a
label saying "steal me".

Let's find out what we
can about the bracelet.

If it was dropped by whoever broke
in, it's the only real lead we have.

I'll get these ash
samples to the lab,

see if they can
tell us anything.

SHE CLEARS THROAT Sir.

So, Archie's definitely gone?

Well, he's still
at the vineyard.

We're just not
partners any more.

Probably wise.

Always best to
remove temptation.

I wasn't tempted.

Not even a little bit?

Absolutely not.

Well, you have more
willpower than me.

I could have spread
mayonnaise all over him

and eaten him in a sandwich.
That's very specific.

Hiya. All right?

Being a widow doesn't permanently
dull the senses, you know, darling?

I still have the
occasional itch.

I'm not sure I want to
talk about your itches.

Ah, Kelby.

What can I get you?

Ooh, er, three coffees and
a sausage sandwich, please.

Brown sauce?

Mayonnaise?

Er, I didn't ask.

Better leave it plain.

Not for you, then?

It better not be for Humphrey,
after I cooked him breakfast.

No, it's, er, for this young
boy we're looking after, er,

until Social
Services pick him up.

Do you know who he is?

He says he's Rishi Sunak,
but we don't believe him.

Right.

I'll get your
coffee and sandwich.

Thanks, Martha.

Actually, better make it
two sausage sandwiches.

Ketchup on the
second one, please.

SHE CHUCKLES

Right.

Well, it seems to me there are
two questions we need to answer.

Actually, three.

One - why on Earth would
you break into a house

with the sole purpose
of burning something?

Two - why those
houses in particular?

Why not a neighbour or a
house across the street?

And three - why is there a small
child sitting next to Margo?

Kelby brought him in.

He got caught nicking a
sausage roll at the baker's.

He's eaten the evidence.

Does he have a
name? PHONE RINGS

DS Williams.

Well, he gave me a false
name to start with.

It took me three sherbet dabs to
find out his real name's Freddie.

Hello, Freddie. All right?

Won't your mum and dad
be worried about you?

Ain't got a dad.

OK. Your mum, then?
Okey dokey. Thanks.

That was the lab.

The ash found in all four
houses originated from the same

material source - decent-quality
writing paper, traces of ink -

which confirms all four
break-ins are linked.

And they think the cloth
fibres found at the scene

came from white cotton gloves.

What kind of burglar
wears white cotton gloves?

I know who it is.

It's obvious, innit? Um, is it?

A man sneaking into people's houses
at Christmas wearing white gloves.

It's Santa.

HE CHUCKLES

He's got a point. That would
make sense with the ash, too.

It got caught on his clothes
when he came down the chimney.

So our only credible
suspect is Father Christmas.

Open-and-shut case.
Can we all go home now?

Not quite, Margo. And
thank you, Freddie.

No, before we arrest Santa
and ruin everyone's Christmas,

let's check all
other avenues first.

Such as, what links, if any, can
we find between the four victims?

Anything back on the bracelet
we found? PHONE RINGS

Not yet.

Shipton Abbott Police
Station. Coffees.

And I got Rishi a lemonade
to go with his sandwich.

His name's Freddie.

I've got Josh
Woods on the phone.

He wants a crime number
for his insurance.

Nothing was stolen.

He says he's just realised he
might have lost his gold bracelet.

Erm...

I'm not sure.

You're not sure?

I just had it on my wrist. I
didn't spend all day looking at it.

If it is yours,

can you explain what it might have
been doing in Mrs Jones' cottage?

Maybe she nicked it.

Or, maybe it came off your wrist
while you were breaking in.

I didn't break in anywhere.

Can you account for your
whereabouts last night?

I told you, I had a
party at the Langstone.

Birthday for Snoop
Dogg. Snoop Dogg?

Not that one. Paul Harris.

Works at the wool shop.

I tell you why we call him
Snoop Dogg... Doesn't matter.

So you have people who can
confirm you were there?

Yeah.

Till what time? Half one, two?

And after that?

It's all a bit of a
blur, to be honest.

Thoughts?

He got drunk, reverted to type,

wandered around breaking into
houses smoking his wacky baccy.

Except the ash wasn't
marijuana. It was writing paper.

And why would he also
break into his own house?

All I know is, whenever Josh
Woods is in the picture,

he's usually guilty
of something.

That he may be, but is he
really our housebreaker?

I don't know.

His fiancee, Lucy, seems a
little more straightforward.

Let's talk to her again.

Ooh, the Christmas market.

Mind if we just stop off?

Er, no.

Let me wear
your outfit now.

Come on, please.

Hello. Oh! How's it all going?

Shouldn't you be working?

We are. We had four
break-ins last night

and we're just on our way
to see a suspect's fiancee.

Not to mention baby-sitting a mystery
boy until Social Services get here.

Oh, Kelby told me.

Has a taste for sausages.

It would seem so.

Well, this all looks
very Christmassy.

That's the general idea.

Hello. Hi.

It's been quite a year.

Yeah, it has.

Glad to see the back of it?

No.

Not even the IVF?

It didn't work.

But we always knew it might not.

And we broke up.

And we got back together.

And we moved here, and you bought
a boat, and we've got a duck,

and it's Christmas.

So we're winning?

I think we are. Don't you?

I'm definitely
winning. I've got you.

How very true.

Put her down. She's supposed
to be hanging tinsel.

Sorry.

Are you joining us
tonight, Esther?

Er, as long as I
don't have to sing.

Singing is compulsory.
We should go. Yeah.

See you later.

Bye.

Oh, my daughter's at
the grotto. Do you mind?

No, of course not.

If you don't let go, I'm going to
tell Santa not to bring you any

presents this year, and take
back the ones you got last year.

How's it going?

They keep pulling on me bells.

You do know elves are
supposed to be happy.

I will be when I get home.

Zoe, this is Inspector Goodman
I've been telling you about.

Hi. Very pleased
to meet you, Zoe.

She's not really an
elf. It's a costume.

Excuse my mum, she
thinks she's funny.

So, er, do you need
anything? Yeah.

This lot to stop
pulling me about.

Well, if they hurt
you, tell someone,

because it's very important.

What is?

ELF and safety in the workplace.

Wow.

He lost it in June.

What?

On a jet ski in Minorca.

As soon as you mentioned insurance,
he started making a list of all

the things that we've lost, or
that have broken, in the past year.

"Watch, microwave,
smartphone, gold bracelet."

You, er, do know that such
a claim would be fraudulent?

I told him that, but he said he'd
get a crime number just in case.

I wouldn't have let him do it.

I'm sorry, but you
know what he's like.

Right, well, we'll, er,
we'll send him home.

We can keep him if you like.

Chuck away the key?

Nah.

Oh, I love the bones of him.

Right.

Anyone for hot chocolate?
I need a taste test.

Oh, go on, then.

There's a few cakes too.

Ooh, thanks, Martha.

This our mystery
boy, is it? Er, yeah.

Social Services are
supposed to be on their way,

but the social
worker got held up.

Well, I'm going
back to the cafe.

Do you want me to
take him for a while?

He must need feeding again.

You hungry?

Yeah.

You look like a
girl who needs cake.

Thanks.

Just catching my
breath before we start.

You looking forward to it?

Not if this morning
is anything to go by.

I've already been pulled about
by a load of ankle-biters

demanding to see Santa.

You'll be fine
once you get going.

All those smiling little faces
excited to see Father Christmas.

Or not.

I'm dreading it.

Then, why do it in
the first place?

Mum said I had to get a job or she
wouldn't get me driving lessons.

That doesn't sound unreasonable.

No, but why couldn't she
get me something normal,

or at least indoors?

Oh, so that's what
you're kicking against.

You don't like it
because it's Mum's idea.

You know, my daughter
is exactly the same.

Has been since she was old
enough to have an opinion.

If I suggested something,
she'd disagree on principle.

It's perfectly natural.

She's so annoying.

I don't doubt it.

But I suspect not quite as
annoying as my daughter finds me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to...

Don't be.

It's the way of the world.

The thing to remember, though,

is no matter how hard
done by you're feeling,

you should try to see it from
other people's point of view.

Right or wrong, your mum is
only trying to teach you that

if you want something out of
life you need to work for it.

That's not a bad lesson
to learn, now, is it?

And then there's all those
little ones who've been

excited for weeks, knowing
that today is the day they're

going to see Santa Claus,
and they're going to tell him

what they want to find under
the tree on Christmas morning.

And the last thing they deserve
is to be greeted by a grumpy elf.

Hmm?

THEY CHUCKLE

Shall I tell you a mums' secret?

The more you complain about
something, the more fun it is for us.

So if you really
want to get her back,

tell her you're
really enjoying it.

She'll be mortified.

HE SIGHS

OK, I've tried everything.

I can't find any link between
the houses that were broken into,

apart from the fact that they're
all houses and people live in them.

Anything back on
the bracelet? No.

What's this?

They sent over all the paperwork
for the station review.

Anything not closed by
the Christmas break,

will be included in the Q1
figures. What does that mean?

Well, it means that
with these break-ins,

our clear-up rate will
begin at minus four.

We're screwed.

Great.

Mm, where's the Munchkin?

Oh, Martha took him to the
cafe for something to eat.

I think he's got hollow legs.

SNICKERS

Well, I'll check in,
make sure she's OK

and maybe get some
coffees while I'm at it.

I've a feeling we're
going to need them.

Hi.

Freddie.

How's the food?

Wicked. Wicked.

Well, I'm starting to think
we're doing you a disservice,

creating the illusion that
running away from home

is far more fun than
it ought to be -

a world festooned with sweets
and sausages in various forms.

Take no notice.

He just likes using big words.

Yes.

All the same, though, we
need to get you home, OK?

So what happened? Had a
fallout with your mum?

She's well annoying. Yeah.

Well, mums can be
annoying sometimes,

but it's usually because
they care about you.

Don't feel like it.

So what did she do
that was so bad?

She took my phone off me.

Golly.

I didn't even have a
phone when I was your age.

Well, if you did, you'd be annoyed
if someone took it off you.

Dare say I would.

Now I can't talk to my grandad.

Are you close to your grandad?

We're best friends.

Hmm.

I'm sure you love your grandad,

and it's not fair that
you can't talk to him,

but I'm still not sure that's
a reason to run away from home.

I'm not running away.

I'm thinking.

Oh, you're thinking?

Well, you know that when the lady
from Social Services gets here,

you'll have to tell
her where you live.

Why?

Well, because if you don't,
there's a good chance they'll take

you into care.

And you don't want
that to happen, do you?

However annoying your mum is.

Can't I just stay here?

Well, as much as we'd enjoy that
too, it's just not really possible.

Why not?

Well, as a policeman, I am...

..well placed to quote on elements
of the law and I can report

that kidnapping children is
incontrovertibly frowned upon.

Big words again.

You wouldn't be kidnapping
me, not if I wanted to stay.

Yeah, I'm sorry, it's not
really up to you, or us.

Well, it should be.

DI Goodman? Thought I
recognised the name.

Ah, Mrs Owen. Hannah Owen.

Social Services.

Hello, Ryan. Ryan?

You know him?

I work with his social worker.

We've been helping the family deal
with a few issues, haven't we, Ryan?

Don't want to go home.

I want to stay here.

Well, your mum's very
worried about you.

She won't let me
talk to my grandad.

Well, we can all go and talk
about that together, can't we?

PHONE RINGS

Shipton Abbott Police Station.

She's on the other
line at the moment.

DI Goodman's just popped out.

Can I take a message?

OK. Thank you.

This is very strange.

What is?

I can't work out if it means
anything or it doesn't.

And I can't help you if you
don't tell me what it is.

Well, I hit a dead end trying to
find a link between the houses,

like the Inspector said,

so I did a cross-check against any
previous crimes at those addresses.

And...?

It's happened before.

What has?

Those exact four houses,

they were all burgled at
the same time 50 years ago.

He said he had a
falling-out with his mum.

One of many, I'm sorry to say.

He lost his dad
a few years back.

Mum got a new boyfriend.

He reacted quite badly, became
a bit disruptive at school.

They contacted us and we've
been keeping an eye on things.

He mentioned his grandad.

The one real
constant in his life.

They're very close.

Look, his mum's
trying really hard.

He'll be fine when
I get him home.

Bless him.

I'll make sure he's
OK before I leave.

Do you think he'll be all right?

Let's hope so.

Oh, Sir, we found something.

All four houses were burgled before,
all within three days of each other.

What?

Christmas week, 50 years ago.

1973.

Only that time,
things were stolen.

Why did none of
them mention this?

Well, the Owens and Josh
Woods didn't live there then,

and neither did the Beckers.

They inherited the house
from her mother. Kathleen?

She grew up in that house
but it's a long time ago.

Mm.

Coins...

..games console...

..TV.

One of these is a gold bracelet.

Coincidence?

It cannot be! I don't
believe in them.

Kelby, was anyone arrested
for these burglaries?

Um...

One suspect arrested and
questioned, released without charge.

Ernest Buchanan.

The detective in charge, DI
Foster, cites a lack of evidence.

Anything else?

Only that they were
opportunistic thefts.

Windows left open, back
doors and the like.

Oh, and he adds at the
bottom that they weren't

looking for anyone else.

Sounds like they knew who it
was but couldn't prove it.

Mm.

Oh, Frank Becker phoned
while you were out.

Left a message.

He said he doesn't know
what it means, but the TV

in the lounge wasn't ordered by his
sons or anyone else in the house.

It just appeared,
after the break-in.

Looks like it WAS
Santa after all.

HE LAUGHS

Maybe that's
exactly what it was.

If the bracelet isn't a
coincidence, then neither is the TV.

I wonder...

Kelby, find out what you
can about Ernest Buchanan.

Is he still alive? Did he go
on to commit other crimes?

We need to check the
other two crime scenes.

Coffee.

Like what?

A jar of coins.

Has one just appeared
anywhere? Or a game console.

No. You haven't found anything in
the house that you thought didn't

belong here or you didn't
know where it came from?

No.

Josh?

No.

Oh, except for you know what?

I told you. In your dreams.

JOSH CHUCKLES

Ta-da! I saw it on the side.

It's nothing to do with me.

Josh.

Thank you.

What?

OK, what's the first ever
Christmas present you remember?

I think the first main present I
remember was an Easy-Bake oven.

You got an oven for Christmas?

Not a real one, you gurt noodle.

A little toy one.

Green, it was, with
little light bulbs inside.

But could you actually
cook in it, though?

Well, I mean, you couldn't
do a Sunday roast,

but you could do cakes.

That doesn't sound
safe, letting kids cook.

We didn't worry about things
like that when I was young.

We rode bikes without helmets,

we spent all day on the
beach without sun screen.

We didn't even have
seat belts in the car.

What happened if
you had an accident?

It was Mum's job.

Put her arm across you.

That is wild.

SHE CHUCKLES How about you?

Ooh, first one I proper
remember is getting

all four Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtle characters.

You see, that's the
difference in our generations.

We got presents to prepare
us for the life ahead.

You got turtles.

Yeah, but they fought
crime, though, didn't they?

So that prepared me
for being a policeman.

You know, sometimes, Kelby,

I don't think you're
half as daft as you look.

Thanks.

How'd you know that?

Call it a lucky guess.

Well, it weren't coins.

I mean, I didn't
think anything of it.

Kai's a builder. He's always
leaving cash lying around.

I banked it...

..to cover the mortgage
that's just gone up, again.

Can I ask how much you found?

Kelby.

Ernest Buchanan?

Er...

Born December 29th, 1953,
widowed in 2019, one son, er,

nothing further on record of
him, not even a parking ticket.

Oh, last known
address, Upper Denbury.

It's about eight miles away.

Occupation?

Jeweller.

White gloves.

Indeed.

So...

So...

1973.

Let's say a 19-year-old
Ernest Buchanan

wasn't so much a burglar
as an opportunistic thief.

Breaking into what is
now the Owen house,

he stole a glass jar
containing £55 in coins.

LOUD THUD

Later the same week, I think
he stole a gold bracelet

from Kathleen's cottage.

As Kathleen has an allergy, I'm
guessing it was her mother's.

INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION

Followed by the game
console from the house

that now belongs to Josh
Woods and fiancee Lucy.

And finally, the TV from the home
of Frank Becker's mother-in-law.

OK. So what if, all
these years later,

Ernest Buchanan had
some kind of crisis?

For some reason yet
to be established,

he was overcome with guilt,

with an undeniable desire to put
right the wrongs of his past.

We know he never offended again.

I don't think the gold bracelet
was dropped there by accident.

I think it was put
there on purpose.

Then someone must have
knocked it on the floor.

CAT MEOWS

One down, three to go.

The TV was simple enough.

New for old.

And Frank Becker thought
the TV turning up

was another prank by his
two boisterous sons. Yes.

Then, the game console.

Which was a little harder
to replace like for like,

so instead he bought a tablet.

Which Josh saw,

but just assumed it was a Christmas
present from Lucy yet to be wrapped.

Exactly.

Flipping 'eck, Kai.

And the jar of coins?

As Hannah said, her
husband Kai is a builder,

who has a habit of
leaving cash lying around.

She found £569,

which I bet is exactly what

£55 in 1973 would
be worth today.

So Ernest Buchanan returned to
the scene of his former crimes

to replace the
things he'd stolen.

But why would he go to all this
trouble after half a century?

I'm dying.

I have cancer.

They tell me it's stage four,

which apparently means
I'm riddled with it.

And it's strange how discovering
you've only got a few months

to live helps to
reacquaint you with God.

It's no time to
be making enemies.

HE CHUCKLES

No.

My father, er, was a
very religious man.

He found comfort in it,
and, er, I thought I might.

So I picked up a Bible,

which is something I haven't
done for a long time.

I suppose I was looking for a way
to make sense of what's happening.

Anyway, I found something.

Sort of leapt out at me
while I was flicking through.

It's a story about an old king
called Hezekiah, and he was dying.

And a prophet, called
Isaiah, said to him...

.."Put your house in order,
because you are about to die."

HE CHUCKLES

That seemed like
sensible advice.

Have a bit of a
tidy up before...

And it's funny, as I read it,
I heard it in my dad's voice,

like he was telling
me what to do.

And that's what you were doing?

Putting your house in order?

Yeah.

I always felt guilty, taking
those things from those people.

So why not put it right,

and make my peace with the
universe before I leave it?

And... have a bit of
fun at the same time.

And the ash?

The ash you left
at all the houses.

That's a thing my dad used to
make us do when we were children.

Write our sins on a piece of paper
and then burn it to show remorse.

If you were trying to show remorse,
Ernest, you left it a long time.

I know.

Life keeps you busy
though, doesn't it?

Your priorities change
and time just goes.

One day you go to sleep a
boy of 19, and you wake up

a 70-year-old man, looking back
at all the stupid things you did.

Didn't you have family?

No, I lost my wife, and my son.

I'm sorry.

My son's widow, she got herself
a boyfriend eight months after

my son died, and I thought it was
too soon, and then we argued and...

..I said things
that I regret now.

The boyfriend didn't
last, of course,

but the damage had been done.

Your daughter-in-law, does
she know that you're not well?

No, no.

No, she doesn't know.

Don't you think you
should tell her?

Well, I thought about it, but
why pass on my problems to them?

Maybe some things are
better left as they are.

So, what now?

Do you need to take me in?

Even if he put things back,
rather than taking anything,

it's still forced entry.

Yes.

So do we pursue with CPS or not?

Well, we'll go through
the process because,

because we have to, but
it'll never go to court.

I think we could
push for a caution.

You know, without a conviction,

we've got four burglaries that
won't qualify for the review.

Well, sometimes there
are more important things

than a pie chart, I suppose.

Like a real pie.

A pie of the ginger and cinnamon
variety, cooked by the woman I love

and about to be served
with a hot mulled wine

at the Christmas
market, right about now.

Sir.

Can we stop
somewhere on the way?

DOORBELL RINGS

Wash your hands, darling,
your tea's nearly ready.

Jane Buchanan?

Yeah.

TABLET RINGS

Hi, Grandad. Oh!

Mum found out I was calling you,
so she took my phone off me.

But now she's just
given it me back.

Hi, Ernie. How you doing?

Oh, you know, love,
rolling with the punches.

Police came round.

They said you've not been well.

I wish you'd said.

No point both of us
worrying, is there?

It's been too long.

Yes, it has.

Want a chip, Grandad?

Oh, ta.

Can we finish the story now?

Yeah, 'course we can.

You comfortable?

Yep.

All right...

"'Mr Scrooge?'"

"'Yes', said Scrooge,
'that is my name,

"'and I fear it may
not be pleasant to you.

"'Allow me to ask your pardon.'"

BAND PLAYS SILENT NIGHT

God, sorry, excuse me.
Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.

Gosh, it's busy.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, can I? Please.

Ooh, how was it?

Loved it.

Mm-hm. CHUCKLES

What's she talking about?

Oh, hiya.

How's Ryan doing?

Really good.

He's got his phone back,
he's talking to Grandad,

and he and Mum have
made their peace.

Oh, that's brilliant news.

You and Humphrey were
so good with him.

He talked about you all the
way home. Ah, that's nice.

You don't have kids?

No, it didn't really
happen for us.

Oh. Oh.

Well, if you ever feel you
have the time and the energy

to do for other kids what you did
for Ryan today, here's my card.

We're always looking
for foster carers.

Inspector.

Ma'am.

Are an inspector's wages

so bad these days that
you can't afford a coat?

Oh, I can't really do coats.

Too many pockets.

Last time I wore one, I missed three
trains trying to find my ticket.

I spoke with Sergeant Williams.

She talked me through the outcome
of the break-ins investigations,

and your desire to pursue a caution
with the man responsible, and why.

Yes, Ma'am.

Which will put you at a disadvantage
with regards to your review.

Unfortunately, yes, it will.

In the circumstances I think
it prudent that we don't start

to collect your
figures until January.

Circumstances, Ma'am?

It's Christmas, Inspector.

So it is.

See you in the New Year.

CUPS CLINK

Hi. Yeah.

Feeling all right?

Everything is
absolutely perfect.

I've been thinking.

Today's been a bit
like A Christmas Carol.

You know, Scrooge and the spirits of
Christmas past, present and future.

Oh?

We had a bit of a
strange case today,

which was all about righting
the wrongs of a Christmas past.

HE LAUGHS

Then in the Christmas present,

a young boy was reunited
with his grandad.

If we could only know what
our Christmas future holds.

Happy Christmas.

Happy Christmas.

APPLAUSE

Oh, sorry.

OVERLAPPING WHOOPING,
CHEERING, LAUGHTER

Kelby! Kelby!

Santa! Santa!

Santa!

Merry Christmas, Sir.

Merry Christmas, Sergeant.

MUSIC ENDS, CHEERING