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00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:03,467
( Announcer )
and now a message
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00:00:03,534 --> 00:00:05,100
from the nationalentitilitus foundation.
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00:00:05,167 --> 00:00:07,033
Hi, i'm ronnie dobbs.
4
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,434
By the time you see this,
I will have passed.
5
00:00:09,501 --> 00:00:12,634
The killer what took me
Is entitilitus.
6
00:00:12,701 --> 00:00:15,133
No one knows where
Entitilitus comes from,
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00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,834
Or what
Entitilitus is,
8
00:00:16,901 --> 00:00:18,868
But entitilitus kills.
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00:00:18,934 --> 00:00:20,100
So please,
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00:00:20,167 --> 00:00:23,033
If y'all could sponsor
An entitilitus volunteer
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00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,567
On the annual
Talk-backwards-for-one-day-
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00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:28,200
To-raise-awareness-
About-entitilitus day,
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00:00:28,267 --> 00:00:30,200
I'd greatly
Appreciate it.
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00:00:30,267 --> 00:00:33,267
Also, if y'all are
Gonna be in a crowd,
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00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,734
Y'all wear condoms
On both your ears.
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00:00:35,801 --> 00:00:37,300
I think it's funny.
17
00:00:37,367 --> 00:00:38,467
( Coughing )
18
00:00:38,534 --> 00:00:39,634
Ohh.
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00:00:45,801 --> 00:00:49,601
( Audience cheering )
20
00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:52,667
( Announcer )
hey, everybody,it's bob and david.
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00:00:53,567 --> 00:00:55,234
( Audience applauding )
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00:00:57,734 --> 00:00:59,868
Hey, thank you.
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00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,434
Thank you.
24
00:01:02,901 --> 00:01:04,434
Thank you.
25
00:01:05,968 --> 00:01:08,133
Hi, i am
Bob odenkirk.
26
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,067
( Audience cheering )
27
00:01:11,968 --> 00:01:13,567
And i'm david cross.
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00:01:13,634 --> 00:01:16,400
( Audience cheering )
29
00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:18,133
Well, america,
You asked for it.
30
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,434
You told hbo--
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00:01:19,501 --> 00:01:20,868
"We wanna see
A sketch show
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00:01:20,934 --> 00:01:23,467
"Hosted by 2 people
We've never seen before."
33
00:01:23,534 --> 00:01:25,767
And that's us !
So here we are.
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00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:27,167
( Audience applauding )
35
00:01:27,234 --> 00:01:28,400
Whatever.
Now you're, uh...
36
00:01:28,467 --> 00:01:29,734
You're probably
Asking yourselves--
37
00:01:29,801 --> 00:01:31,767
"What is this show ?"
Well...
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00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:33,400
It's whatever
You want it to be.
39
00:01:33,467 --> 00:01:35,234
Yeah, so,
Let's start, um...
40
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:37,234
We need a suggestion
For a show.
41
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,701
Anybody ? A suggestion
For a show ?
Anybody at all ?
42
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,501
Over here.
Yes, sir ?
43
00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:43,901
Yeah, i have
An idea. Um...
44
00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:45,400
( Whiny voice )
"I have an idea."
45
00:01:45,467 --> 00:01:46,801
What if,
For your show,
46
00:01:46,868 --> 00:01:49,267
You guys, um,
Played...
47
00:01:49,334 --> 00:01:50,901
Beep, beep, beep !
Ahh !
48
00:01:50,968 --> 00:01:53,167
Different
Characters ?
49
00:01:53,234 --> 00:01:54,300
Thanks, good.
50
00:01:54,367 --> 00:01:56,400
Great suggestion,
Moron.
51
00:01:56,467 --> 00:01:58,033
Bob.
What ?
52
00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,434
You can't insult
People like that,
53
00:01:59,501 --> 00:02:00,701
Not right
Off the bat.
54
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:02,067
I mean, they don't
Know who we are--
55
00:02:02,133 --> 00:02:03,601
Ok, all right,
You're right.
56
00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:06,734
Well, let's show them why
Hbo gave us this show.
57
00:02:06,801 --> 00:02:09,167
Let's--let's knock
'Em on their asses.
58
00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:10,133
Yeah !
59
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,067
You brought your
Asses, didn't ya ?
60
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,334
Yeah.
Ok.
61
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,701
Let's do a little
Ass-knocking.
62
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:16,067
You start.
All right.
63
00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:18,300
Ok, a little taste.
I will now do
A selection
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00:02:18,367 --> 00:02:19,868
From my
One-man show,
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00:02:19,934 --> 00:02:21,601
hitler sings.
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00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,100
( Audience laughing )
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00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:32,467
* When will i
Be special ? *
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00:02:32,534 --> 00:02:35,968
* When will i be someone
Who's loved *
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00:02:36,534 --> 00:02:39,100
* For me ?
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00:02:39,167 --> 00:02:42,000
* If i stumble upon
A me at the door *
71
00:02:42,067 --> 00:02:43,667
* Will i open it wide
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00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:47,601
* Or close it and look
Through the peephole ? *
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00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,100
* I want to be... *
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00:02:49,167 --> 00:02:51,100
Folks, there's something
You should know
About david cross.
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00:02:51,167 --> 00:02:53,667
He attended public
Schools, and, uh,
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00:02:53,734 --> 00:02:56,567
He confuses hitler
With anne frank.
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00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,701
David cross,
Everyone !
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00:03:00,367 --> 00:03:01,467
Thank you so much.
79
00:03:01,534 --> 00:03:02,567
Now it's my turn.
80
00:03:02,634 --> 00:03:03,501
All right.
81
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:06,200
Now it is my turn.
82
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:07,901
I would now
Like to recite
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00:03:07,968 --> 00:03:10,400
The names of
All the states
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00:03:10,467 --> 00:03:12,734
In 18 seconds.
( Clearing throat )
85
00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:13,968
You'll time me ?
86
00:03:14,033 --> 00:03:15,000
You got it.
87
00:03:15,868 --> 00:03:16,868
( Exhaling )
88
00:03:16,934 --> 00:03:18,634
Ok, you ready ?
89
00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:20,534
I'll just wait for it
To go back around.
90
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,901
( Audience laughing )
91
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,133
How much time
Have we got ?
92
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,567
Uh, about
55 seconds.
93
00:03:24,634 --> 00:03:27,033
( Audience laughing )
94
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:29,067
Why don't you just
Start it on the 15 ?
95
00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:30,300
( Clicking )
96
00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:32,367
Go !
97
00:03:32,434 --> 00:03:33,334
Illinois, indiana...
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00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,434
Ugh...
99
00:03:35,501 --> 00:03:38,567
( Stammering )
Wi-winkechin, uh...
100
00:03:38,634 --> 00:03:41,801
( Stammering )
T-t-t-tassini, uh...
101
00:03:41,868 --> 00:03:42,934
Chim-cham...
102
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,133
Yeah, got it !
Bob, you did it !
103
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,367
Yeah ! Yeah !
104
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,167
Yeah !
105
00:03:47,234 --> 00:03:49,234
Yeah ! Yeah !
Go get 'em !
106
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:50,834
( Audience applauding )
107
00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:52,801
( David )
Look at him go !
108
00:03:52,868 --> 00:03:54,934
All right, folks...
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00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,033
Bob missed his
First day of school,
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00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:58,567
And he never
Really caught up,
111
00:03:58,634 --> 00:04:01,601
So he thinks there are
Only 5 states, you know,
112
00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:03,367
And that one of them
Is named chim-cham.
113
00:04:03,434 --> 00:04:04,734
So, it's--
114
00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:06,200
Yes ! Yes !
115
00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:08,534
Yeah, all right !
Way to go, buddy !
116
00:04:08,601 --> 00:04:10,434
Ha, ha, yeah !
117
00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:14,000
Congratulations.
118
00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:15,133
( Man in audience )
Um, yeah, um...
119
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,167
( Man #2 )
"Um, yeah, um..."
120
00:04:16,234 --> 00:04:19,033
Um, bob and david,
I had another idea.
121
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:20,634
"I had an idea."
Yeah, what is it ?
122
00:04:20,701 --> 00:04:22,133
( Bob )
What ?
123
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:25,000
What if, um,
Instead of making it up
As you went along,
124
00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:25,901
( Making farting noise )
125
00:04:25,968 --> 00:04:27,934
You had a script
For the show ?
126
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,467
And, um,
You did, like,
127
00:04:30,534 --> 00:04:32,133
Tested material ?
128
00:04:33,133 --> 00:04:34,067
Ow !
129
00:04:34,634 --> 00:04:35,667
What ?
130
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:36,801
You know what ?
131
00:04:36,868 --> 00:04:38,767
You just wrote your
Ticket out of here !
132
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:41,033
That's right, get him outta
Here, and his friend, too !
133
00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:42,000
Ow, hey,
I didn't--
134
00:04:42,067 --> 00:04:42,968
Bye !
Yeah, bye !
135
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,234
I didn't
Do nothin' !
136
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:46,834
mr. Show ?mr. Blow is more like it !
137
00:04:46,901 --> 00:04:48,100
Stupid--
138
00:04:48,167 --> 00:04:49,834
I didn't do shit !
139
00:04:49,901 --> 00:04:50,868
Bye.
140
00:04:53,934 --> 00:04:56,701
Wow, bob and david have
Really changed, huh ?
141
00:04:56,767 --> 00:04:57,801
Aw, fuck that.
142
00:04:57,868 --> 00:04:59,834
Who wants to see their
Dumb-ass show, anyway ?
143
00:04:59,901 --> 00:05:02,567
I did,
But not anymore.
144
00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:03,968
They used to be
Nice guys,
145
00:05:04,033 --> 00:05:05,934
But now that they
Got this mr. Show,
146
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,734
It's, like,
Gone to their head.
147
00:05:07,801 --> 00:05:10,734
Yeah, they think they're
Ronnie fuckin' dobbs !
148
00:05:10,801 --> 00:05:12,501
Please don't swear.
149
00:05:12,567 --> 00:05:14,033
( Imitating his voice )
Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh !
150
00:05:15,033 --> 00:05:16,067
( Horn honking )
151
00:05:16,133 --> 00:05:17,567
Hey, stevie !
152
00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:19,701
All right,
Party time !
153
00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:22,734
Hey, see ya later,
You sack of shit !
154
00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:24,100
Boom !
155
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:25,634
H-h-h-hey !
156
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:27,767
Pah-tay time !
157
00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:29,434
( Laughing )
158
00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:30,534
What about ernie ?
159
00:05:30,601 --> 00:05:31,601
Shut the fuck up, man !
160
00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,467
You want him to hear us ?
All right.
161
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,167
Fuck you,
Asshole !
162
00:05:36,234 --> 00:05:39,167
( Ernie )
wow, he's really changed.
163
00:05:39,234 --> 00:05:40,901
he used to bea nice guy,
164
00:05:40,968 --> 00:05:43,367
but nowhe's kinda mean.
165
00:05:43,434 --> 00:05:46,434
wow, look atthose leaves.
166
00:05:46,501 --> 00:05:49,567
oh, they'vereally changed.
167
00:05:49,634 --> 00:05:52,234
hey, a caterpillar.
168
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:54,501
oh, he's reallychanged.
169
00:05:54,567 --> 00:05:59,033
now he's a butterfly,he thinks he's so big.
170
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:02,434
oh, man, look at thattraffic light !
171
00:06:02,501 --> 00:06:05,267
oh, wow,it's really changed.
172
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:07,601
( Horn honking )
173
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:08,667
( Thudding )
174
00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:10,834
( Doorbell ringing )
175
00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:11,968
Hey !
Hey !
176
00:06:12,033 --> 00:06:13,801
Hey, father jim,
How are ya ?
177
00:06:13,868 --> 00:06:15,167
A cheese ball !
Aw !
178
00:06:15,234 --> 00:06:16,767
Geena !
Hi.
179
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,868
What a beautiful
New apartment.
180
00:06:18,934 --> 00:06:20,734
Aw, thanks.
181
00:06:20,801 --> 00:06:21,801
Hey, father jim,
182
00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:23,400
You allowed to drink
Seltzer water ?
183
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:25,067
After 5 p.M.
184
00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:26,567
( Laughing )
185
00:06:27,534 --> 00:06:29,067
Boy, it's so
Nice to know
186
00:06:29,133 --> 00:06:31,200
A thoughtful,
Progressive priest.
187
00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:32,801
Honey, do you know
That he took
188
00:06:32,868 --> 00:06:34,868
The church youth group
To see forrest gump ?
189
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:35,934
( Whispering )
Did he really ?
190
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,200
Yes, well,
191
00:06:37,267 --> 00:06:38,534
I think that gump is
A role model
192
00:06:38,601 --> 00:06:41,567
For teens and
Sweetly retarded people,
193
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,934
And society
As a whole.
194
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,033
Well, you know
What i say ?
195
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,334
Gump for president.
196
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,734
( All laughing )
197
00:06:48,801 --> 00:06:50,634
What if
That happened ?
198
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,067
Oh, my goodness !
199
00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:53,267
Shut up, man. You don't
Know shit about dick.
200
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:55,100
Hey, come on.
201
00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:56,667
Sorry, guys.
202
00:06:56,734 --> 00:06:58,667
Gary overheard me
Talking about the party,
203
00:06:58,734 --> 00:06:59,701
And i had to
Pick him up.
204
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,100
Hey, hey,
Hey, hey !
205
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:02,467
I'll bet any
Of you lame-ass
206
00:07:02,534 --> 00:07:04,033
Motherfuckers
A cigarette
207
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:06,234
I can eat all the butts
In this ashtray.
208
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:07,400
That's ok, gary.
209
00:07:07,467 --> 00:07:08,567
Uh-huh, yeah.
210
00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,501
Bit of a
Character.
211
00:07:10,567 --> 00:07:12,701
So, what's this
I hear about
A guitar mass ?
212
00:07:12,767 --> 00:07:15,167
Oh, 2 of 'em--
An acoustic and
A heavy metal.
213
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:16,434
Oh, it's like
Lollapalooza.
214
00:07:16,501 --> 00:07:18,334
( All laughing )
215
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:19,968
Yeah, yeah !
Did it !
216
00:07:20,033 --> 00:07:21,567
Pay up. You owe
Me a cigarette.
217
00:07:21,634 --> 00:07:23,167
All you had to
Do was ask.
218
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,801
Hey, guess what ? I don't
Even smoke, dumb-ass.
219
00:07:25,868 --> 00:07:27,701
Gary, language ?
220
00:07:27,767 --> 00:07:28,968
Sorry, father.
221
00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:30,734
"Look upon the corn
In the wheat,
222
00:07:30,801 --> 00:07:32,767
"For even the chaff
Has its place."
223
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:34,834
Oh, all right,
This is it.
224
00:07:34,901 --> 00:07:36,868
You fuckers are gonna
Believe it now.
225
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:38,801
Ok, $20 says
226
00:07:38,868 --> 00:07:41,667
I can balance this glass
On my nose for an hour.
227
00:07:41,734 --> 00:07:43,868
Gary, what are you doing ?
That's their glass.
228
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:45,501
Oh, man !
Thank you very much.
229
00:07:45,567 --> 00:07:46,968
Gary, what are
You doing ?
230
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,367
I'm the hit
Of the party
No, you're not.
231
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,934
Everybody loves it.
No, they don't.
232
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:50,968
Alright, gary,
Just--
233
00:07:51,033 --> 00:07:51,601
All right.
234
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:53,367
Gary !
235
00:07:53,434 --> 00:07:55,234
All right, here's the
Bet. Here's the bet !
236
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,334
If i can eat
237
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,501
All this broken glass
In my hand,
238
00:07:58,567 --> 00:08:01,334
Y'all have to be my personal
Slaves for a year.
239
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,300
No, get--
240
00:08:02,367 --> 00:08:04,701
( Swallowing noises )
241
00:08:04,767 --> 00:08:07,033
Is he eating it ?
He's eating it.
242
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:08,300
Yeah.
243
00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:09,634
( Grunting )
244
00:08:10,734 --> 00:08:11,868
Man.
245
00:08:13,734 --> 00:08:15,601
( Grunting )
246
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:17,734
Oh, look at it.
247
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,200
Stop looking at it !
248
00:08:24,501 --> 00:08:26,000
Whoo !
249
00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:27,167
Yeah !
250
00:08:27,234 --> 00:08:28,267
( Audience cheering )
251
00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:30,400
Yeah, i did it !
252
00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:31,968
I did it !
253
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:34,334
Now y'all have to be
My personal slaves.
254
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,334
Are you ok ?
255
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,133
"Sir."
"Are you ok, sir."
256
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,601
Now get me
A beer, slave.
257
00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:40,334
I'm not your slave !
258
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,601
I never agreed
To your stupid bet.
259
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:43,734
I'll get
Him a beer.
260
00:08:43,801 --> 00:08:44,767
No, father !
261
00:08:44,834 --> 00:08:47,701
Yes, actually,
I think i'm
Obliged to.
262
00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:50,901
Gina, len, stevie...
263
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:54,033
Earlier, when he
Bet us that he could
Eat the ashes,
264
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,767
No one agreed
To his bet.
265
00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:56,968
But upon
Succeeding,
266
00:08:57,033 --> 00:08:58,534
He was rewarded--
One cigarette.
267
00:08:58,601 --> 00:08:59,701
No, i just--
268
00:08:59,767 --> 00:09:01,334
In doing so, a
Precedent was set--
269
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,868
An implicit
Agreement that no
Direct negative
270
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,167
Acknowledges acceptance
Of his bargain.
271
00:09:06,234 --> 00:09:08,534
Now get me
A beer, slave.
272
00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:11,067
( Audience laughing )
273
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,400
Yes, sir.
274
00:09:13,334 --> 00:09:14,400
Here you go.
275
00:09:14,467 --> 00:09:16,367
Ah, good
Little slave.
276
00:09:16,434 --> 00:09:19,000
All right. Now, let's talk
About a comedy mass
277
00:09:19,067 --> 00:09:21,167
With you
As the m.C.
278
00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:22,200
Wouldn't that
Be fun ?
279
00:09:22,267 --> 00:09:24,167
Oh, slave,
I'm hungry.
280
00:09:24,234 --> 00:09:25,300
I want a banana.
281
00:09:25,367 --> 00:09:26,300
They're
Right there.
282
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,934
I'll--i'll get one.
No--
283
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:28,968
No, slave.
284
00:09:29,033 --> 00:09:31,534
Pick me up and
Carry me there.
285
00:09:31,601 --> 00:09:33,067
Father, don't.
286
00:09:33,133 --> 00:09:35,667
Really, i must.
287
00:09:35,734 --> 00:09:36,701
( Grunting )
288
00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:37,968
Gary--
289
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:40,534
"For the
Samaritan must
Fulfill his duty."
290
00:09:41,934 --> 00:09:44,133
Now, what about
A puppet mass
291
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,234
For the kids,
The little ones ?
292
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:47,234
Oh, slave,
Put me down.
293
00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:51,200
I'm kind of bored
Right now, slave.
294
00:09:51,267 --> 00:09:52,334
I wanna be
Entertained.
295
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,000
Entertain me
With this banana.
296
00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:55,267
No.
297
00:09:55,334 --> 00:09:57,033
It'll just be
A moment.
298
00:09:59,501 --> 00:10:01,934
( Making tooting sound )
299
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,267
No.
300
00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:05,701
No, slave.
301
00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:08,100
Slave, not like that.
302
00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:10,300
I want you to take
That banana
303
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:11,834
And stick it in
Your butt crack.
304
00:10:11,901 --> 00:10:13,100
Gary !
305
00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:14,367
And...
306
00:10:14,434 --> 00:10:16,868
Tell everyone you
Were born out
Of satan's ass.
307
00:10:16,934 --> 00:10:18,300
Oh, please don't
Make me do that.
308
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,701
Hey, come on,
Say the words !
309
00:10:19,767 --> 00:10:22,067
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
310
00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:25,467
I was born
Out of satan's ass.
311
00:10:25,534 --> 00:10:27,300
Do a dance.
Jig it up.
312
00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:28,634
Do a jig.
313
00:10:28,701 --> 00:10:31,267
* I was born out
Of satan's ass *
314
00:10:31,334 --> 00:10:34,868
* I was born out
Of satan's ass *
315
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,133
Strip naked.
316
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,200
* I was-- *
317
00:10:37,267 --> 00:10:38,300
Strip naked, slave.
318
00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:39,868
Oh, slave,
Strip naked.
319
00:10:39,934 --> 00:10:41,400
What happened
To your voice ?
320
00:10:41,467 --> 00:10:43,000
Oh, god.
321
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,434
What's so funny ?
322
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:47,167
We had this great idea
A couple of weeks ago
323
00:10:47,234 --> 00:10:48,767
To make you agree
To be his personal slave
324
00:10:48,834 --> 00:10:50,467
For one year.
325
00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:52,834
We got the whole
Thing on video.
Look up there.
326
00:10:52,901 --> 00:10:54,968
Let's watch it.
Come on.
327
00:10:55,033 --> 00:10:57,033
Well, can i take
The banana out ?
328
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:59,300
( Audience laughing )
329
00:11:01,834 --> 00:11:05,000
( Sighing )
Guess i should be upset.
330
00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:07,734
But when life
Gives me lemons...
331
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,968
I make lemonade.
332
00:11:11,033 --> 00:11:12,667
If i ask for
A glass of water
333
00:11:12,734 --> 00:11:14,701
And somebody hands me
A glassful of sand,
I turn it over,
334
00:11:14,767 --> 00:11:17,100
Make a sand castle
And pretend i'm the king.
335
00:11:17,167 --> 00:11:18,601
( Audience laughing )
336
00:11:18,667 --> 00:11:20,701
If somebody throws
A rock at my head,
337
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,200
I pretend the bruise
Is a faded tattoo,
338
00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:24,968
And that i was
Once a sailor
339
00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:26,634
And ran a sweatshop
In singapore.
340
00:11:26,701 --> 00:11:28,367
( Audience laughing )
341
00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:31,334
I'm not too proud
342
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,300
Of that time in
My imaginary life, but...
343
00:11:34,367 --> 00:11:36,767
I'm comforted
In the knowledge
344
00:11:36,834 --> 00:11:38,133
That my friends,
345
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,033
Who made me stick
A banana in my crack,
346
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,734
Feel even worse.
347
00:11:42,801 --> 00:11:44,534
strip naked, slave !strip naked !
348
00:11:44,601 --> 00:11:45,834
Aww.
349
00:11:45,901 --> 00:11:48,567
Oh, man,
That's great.
350
00:11:48,634 --> 00:11:50,033
Whoo ! What else
You got, man ?
351
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,300
( Len )
Ahh, let's see.
352
00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:52,701
"2 murders,"
353
00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:54,868
"Faces of
People crying,"
354
00:11:54,934 --> 00:11:56,467
"Defective cribs" ?
355
00:11:56,534 --> 00:11:58,300
"Faces of
Confused elderly."
356
00:11:58,367 --> 00:11:59,934
Oh, check this one out.
357
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,334
"Convenience store
Security cam 5."
358
00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:08,934
All right, so i just
Put the wax on
359
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,601
And then rip the hair
Right out, huh ?
360
00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:12,834
All right.
361
00:12:12,901 --> 00:12:14,434
You know best.
362
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,033
Why don't you
Take a picture ?
It'll last longer.
363
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,667
Jagoff !
364
00:12:20,734 --> 00:12:22,667
( Audience laughing )
365
00:12:25,734 --> 00:12:27,467
I just need
Change for $1.
366
00:12:28,901 --> 00:12:30,634
I just need quarters, i--
367
00:12:30,701 --> 00:12:33,067
( Audience laughing )
368
00:12:41,033 --> 00:12:43,434
I-i'll just go
Across the street.
369
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:48,767
Next.
370
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:51,167
W-what was all that
About ? Are you closed ?
371
00:12:51,234 --> 00:12:52,968
I was on my break.
372
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,300
Ok. I just need
Change for $1.
373
00:12:56,367 --> 00:12:58,067
Change for $1 ?
Yeah.
374
00:12:58,133 --> 00:12:59,267
Hmm...
375
00:12:59,334 --> 00:13:00,934
( Clicking )
376
00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:03,200
Quarters, mostly.
377
00:13:03,267 --> 00:13:05,400
Quarters ? You want
Quarters ? Hmm...
378
00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:07,000
( Clicking )
379
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:14,200
Let me think.
Doo, doo, doo...
380
00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:16,467
Change, change, change,
Change, change, change...
381
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:17,701
Ch-ch-ch change,
Change, change...
382
00:13:17,767 --> 00:13:19,501
( Clicking )
383
00:13:23,501 --> 00:13:24,534
( Sighing )
384
00:13:24,601 --> 00:13:26,167
Tell you what.
385
00:13:26,234 --> 00:13:28,367
I'm gonna have to
Ask my boss.
386
00:13:28,434 --> 00:13:29,667
Ok.
387
00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:39,634
( Audience laughing )
388
00:13:47,267 --> 00:13:48,400
Oh, what
Did he say ?
389
00:13:48,467 --> 00:13:49,834
I went the wrong way.
390
00:13:49,901 --> 00:13:51,968
( Audience laughing )
391
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,200
What the hell do you mean,
You're taking it away ?
392
00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:04,100
Yesterday, i was the
World's greatest grandpa,
393
00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:05,667
Today, i'm not ?
394
00:14:05,734 --> 00:14:08,100
Well, i've used
The mug already.
395
00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:09,367
I--
Hold on.
396
00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:10,567
What ?
What is it, pete ?
397
00:14:10,634 --> 00:14:12,000
Um, there's a
Man out front
398
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:14,033
Who wants to know if he
Can get change for $1.
399
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:14,934
Change ?
400
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,000
Yeah, um,
Quarters, mostly.
401
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,067
( Sighing )
402
00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:19,567
I'm gonna have to
Call you back.
403
00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:21,367
I got a
Situation here--
404
00:14:21,434 --> 00:14:23,400
Huh ?
Hello ?
405
00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:24,634
They hung up.
406
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:27,767
( Sighing )
Change ?
407
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:29,300
Yeah, for $1.
408
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:30,968
( Sniffing )
Hmm...
409
00:14:31,033 --> 00:14:33,133
Hmm...
410
00:14:33,901 --> 00:14:35,467
( Sighing )
411
00:14:37,133 --> 00:14:39,501
( Grunting )
412
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:42,334
Well...
413
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,100
( Sighing )
414
00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:45,267
( Grunting )
415
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:47,100
Uh...
416
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:49,200
I'm gonna have
To call albany.
417
00:14:50,501 --> 00:14:51,400
( Ringing )
418
00:14:51,467 --> 00:14:52,300
Yo ?
419
00:14:52,367 --> 00:14:53,734
Mr. Spivey, please.
420
00:14:53,801 --> 00:14:55,501
Hey, danny. What's up ?
I'm in a hurry.
421
00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:57,968
I got a fella here who
Wants change for $1.
422
00:14:58,033 --> 00:15:00,267
Whew, change
For $1. Um...
423
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,000
( Clicking )
424
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:04,234
wow, uh...
425
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,634
( Farting noise )
426
00:15:12,033 --> 00:15:13,434
ohhh...
427
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,234
No, no, no, no !
428
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:17,701
Change, all right,
429
00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:20,801
Lemme think...
Buh, bah, bah, bah, bah...
430
00:15:20,868 --> 00:15:21,968
Uh...
431
00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:23,667
* Ahh *
432
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,868
Change, all right,
All right,
433
00:15:29,934 --> 00:15:31,767
I'll tell you what,
Danny...
434
00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:33,033
I'm gonna have to
Call the big guy.
435
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,601
All right.
436
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:37,634
Goddamn it.
437
00:15:38,767 --> 00:15:40,400
( Whistling )
438
00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:41,501
( Ringing )
439
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:43,667
( Grunting )
Damn it !
440
00:15:45,868 --> 00:15:47,934
What is it ?
I'm on vacation.
441
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,067
I'm sorry, sir,
442
00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:51,267
but there's a manin our worcester store
443
00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:52,767
Who wants change
For $1.
444
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:55,033
Oh, ok, all right, i'm
Sorry i snapped at you.
445
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:56,067
Change, huh ?
446
00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:57,400
For $1.
447
00:15:57,467 --> 00:15:59,834
Damn it, it's too
Late to fly back.
448
00:15:59,901 --> 00:16:02,133
All right,
I have to think. Uh...
449
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,968
Phil, one second.
450
00:16:04,033 --> 00:16:07,300
Oh, ta, ta, ta,
Ta, ta, ta...
451
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,100
ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta...
452
00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:10,901
( Making trumpet noises )
453
00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:22,133
( Making drum noises )
454
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:29,667
Whoo !
455
00:16:29,734 --> 00:16:30,934
ok, uh...
456
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,734
I'm gonna have to call
You back, all right ?
457
00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,200
( Telephone ringing )
458
00:16:36,634 --> 00:16:38,000
President of
The united states.
459
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:39,100
Shithead, it's kyle.
460
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,601
Dumb-fuck,
How's the golf ?
461
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,567
Stop needling me,
You prick.
462
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:44,901
Look, some ass-wipe
At my worcester store
463
00:16:44,968 --> 00:16:46,801
Wants change for $1.
What should i do ?
464
00:16:46,868 --> 00:16:48,267
Hmm...
465
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:50,868
( Clicking )
466
00:16:50,934 --> 00:16:51,868
No.
No ?
467
00:16:51,934 --> 00:16:53,567
Tell him no.
thanks, asshole.
468
00:16:53,634 --> 00:16:54,601
And fuck you.
469
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:55,901
( Laughing )
470
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,200
( Telephone ringing )
471
00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:00,133
no.
472
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,701
No. Yes.
473
00:17:01,767 --> 00:17:03,601
( Telephone ringing )
474
00:17:04,834 --> 00:17:05,968
Mcginty's,
Open 4 days--
475
00:17:06,033 --> 00:17:07,801
No. Tell him no.
476
00:17:07,868 --> 00:17:09,501
All right, no.
477
00:17:09,567 --> 00:17:11,033
No. Tell him no.
478
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:12,367
All right.
479
00:17:13,868 --> 00:17:15,667
( Audience chuckling )
480
00:17:19,968 --> 00:17:20,934
No.
481
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,667
( Audience laughing )
482
00:17:22,734 --> 00:17:23,801
Ok.
483
00:17:27,968 --> 00:17:29,834
I'm sorry,
They didn't have any.
484
00:17:29,901 --> 00:17:31,868
Well, did you ask for
Quarters, mostly quarters ?
485
00:17:31,934 --> 00:17:33,701
I did.
"Quarters mostly," i said.
486
00:17:33,767 --> 00:17:35,467
Well, i mean, did you
Check with the manager ?
487
00:17:35,534 --> 00:17:36,868
I did.
The guy checked.
488
00:17:36,934 --> 00:17:38,501
He called someone.
489
00:17:38,567 --> 00:17:39,834
That don't do me
No good, though.
490
00:17:39,901 --> 00:17:43,100
I--i ain't got no
Quarters anymore.
491
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:44,567
Ronnie ?
492
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:48,634
Terry ?
493
00:17:50,734 --> 00:17:54,801
( Terry )
i remember the first timei met ronnie dobbs.
494
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,701
at the time,i was a cameraman
495
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:01,601
for a popular tv showabout the coppers.
496
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,801
* naughty boys,naughty boys *
497
00:18:10,834 --> 00:18:13,100
A lot of times, you get
There, and they're drunk...
498
00:18:13,167 --> 00:18:14,701
It's the 3rd time we've
Been here this week.
499
00:18:14,767 --> 00:18:16,367
It's like arresting a
Couple of 9-year-olds.
500
00:18:16,434 --> 00:18:18,200
She's a professional
Lie-ologist.
501
00:18:18,267 --> 00:18:19,734
Yeah, that's great.
502
00:18:19,801 --> 00:18:21,501
Well, you be a
Professional, and move
Back 2 feet.
503
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,000
Now, what's
Going on here ?
504
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:24,834
I gave him money to
Go to the food circus,
505
00:18:24,901 --> 00:18:26,000
And get some
Macaroni and cheese.
506
00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:27,300
So what
Did he do ?
507
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:30,534
Lyin' bitch !
He goes drinking again.
508
00:18:30,601 --> 00:18:31,667
Lyin' bitch !
Did he hit you ?
509
00:18:31,734 --> 00:18:33,133
Hold on,
Did he hit you ?
510
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,467
Here it goes !
Did he hit you ?
511
00:18:34,534 --> 00:18:35,834
He was about to--
512
00:18:35,901 --> 00:18:37,167
But did he ?
513
00:18:37,234 --> 00:18:38,567
How do you feel
About that ?
514
00:18:38,634 --> 00:18:40,234
Those are my plates !
515
00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,167
( Terry )
nothing remarkable, really.
516
00:18:42,234 --> 00:18:44,067
but then,3 weeks later
517
00:18:44,133 --> 00:18:46,667
and hundredsof miles away...
518
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,100
That's that
Ronnie guy...
519
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,334
That ronnie dobbs
Guy again.
520
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,334
That's all behind me.
I'm cleaned up--
521
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:52,300
Please calm down.
522
00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:53,968
I'm cleaned up,
And i'm--
523
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,100
What's that ?
524
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,033
Oh, ronnie.
Oh, ronnie.
525
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,367
Let me explain it, ok ?
526
00:18:59,434 --> 00:19:00,601
( Woman )
Why is it in your pocket ?
527
00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:02,801
I was standing here,
Minding my own business,
528
00:19:02,868 --> 00:19:05,901
Doin' my work, and
A man came up to me
529
00:19:05,968 --> 00:19:07,767
With a scar, he
Had a big ol' scar,
530
00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:09,334
And he came
Up to me, and
He was like--
531
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,367
"Hey, man." He put that
In my pants and said--
532
00:19:11,434 --> 00:19:12,567
"Hold on
To this for me."
533
00:19:12,634 --> 00:19:13,767
I was like, "what's
All that about ?"
534
00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:16,067
And he ran off
Before i could see.
535
00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:18,100
He had a scar, and--
There he goes !
536
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:19,467
There goes
The perpetrator,
Officer !
537
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,234
Get in the car.
You can catch him now !
538
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:23,968
You are so stupid, ronnie.
You are so stupid.
539
00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:27,701
I hope you're happy, bitch.
You stupid, dumb-ass bitch.
540
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,734
Hey, y'all forgot
Y'all's cameraman.
541
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:32,667
( Terry )
2 weeks later, another city...
542
00:19:32,734 --> 00:19:33,701
We got him.
543
00:19:33,767 --> 00:19:35,801
an increasinglyfamiliar face.
544
00:19:35,868 --> 00:19:37,801
There he is,
I got him !
545
00:19:39,901 --> 00:19:41,901
( Crashing )
546
00:19:41,968 --> 00:19:45,133
Y'all's unfair.
Y'all's unfair.
547
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,434
What's this
White stuff ?
548
00:19:46,501 --> 00:19:49,267
I was bakin'
For my mama !
549
00:19:49,334 --> 00:19:53,067
( Terry )
ronwell quincy dobbswas like a magnet for police--
550
00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:55,701
a drunken, loudmagnet.
551
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:56,901
It was an
Innocent arm !
552
00:19:56,968 --> 00:19:58,667
Ok, i'm sure
It was, fellas.
553
00:19:58,734 --> 00:20:01,934
( Terry )
i put together a tapeof ronnie's finest moments
554
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,701
and shopped itround hollywood.
555
00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,033
a hungry producerconvinced ronnie
556
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:08,400
to get arrestedexclusively for us,
557
00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:10,200
in a scene whichthe network deemed
558
00:20:10,267 --> 00:20:11,701
"not funny enoughfor you."
559
00:20:11,767 --> 00:20:13,400
hence, this montage.
560
00:20:13,467 --> 00:20:15,033
( Screaming )
561
00:20:15,100 --> 00:20:16,300
Don't make me
Shoot you, sir.
562
00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:17,367
Come on down.
563
00:20:17,434 --> 00:20:18,734
Don't make me
Shoot you.
564
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:21,200
ronnie was anatural-born drunk.
565
00:20:21,267 --> 00:20:23,634
Man's best friend is a dog,
And this is my dog,
566
00:20:23,701 --> 00:20:25,467
And i made my best
Friend a sweater.
567
00:20:25,534 --> 00:20:27,167
he never needed a 2nd take,
568
00:20:27,234 --> 00:20:28,801
and he soon gothimself arrested
569
00:20:28,868 --> 00:20:31,000
in every statein the union.
570
00:20:31,067 --> 00:20:31,968
Come on.
571
00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:33,400
All i want's--
572
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:35,534
we had to take himout of the country.
573
00:20:36,467 --> 00:20:37,667
( French music playing )
574
00:20:37,734 --> 00:20:40,634
( Shouting in french )
575
00:20:40,701 --> 00:20:42,200
I can't even understand
What you're saying !
576
00:20:42,267 --> 00:20:43,534
( Speaking french )
577
00:20:43,601 --> 00:20:45,300
Speak english,
Motherfucker !
578
00:20:45,367 --> 00:20:48,501
after that, the only placeleft was outer space.
579
00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:50,000
( Astronaut )
we have one ronnie dobbs...
580
00:20:50,067 --> 00:20:51,667
( Ronnie )
y'all get off me !
581
00:20:51,734 --> 00:20:53,601
ronnie's facewas everywhere,
582
00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:56,167
and his nameon everyone's lips.
583
00:20:56,234 --> 00:20:57,734
Trick or treat.
584
00:20:57,801 --> 00:20:59,100
But, ronnie,
585
00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:01,601
Weren't you actually going
To do a special where...
586
00:21:01,667 --> 00:21:05,634
y'all are brutalizing me !police brutality !
587
00:21:05,701 --> 00:21:08,133
( Heavy metal music playing )
588
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,601
* Ronnie dobbs,
Ronnie dobbs *
589
00:21:10,667 --> 00:21:13,334
* Ronnie dobbs,
Ronnie dobbs *
590
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,901
He's guilty, yeah,
But he knows it.
591
00:21:16,968 --> 00:21:18,934
I mean, we're guilty,
You don't know it.
592
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,701
So, you know,
593
00:21:20,767 --> 00:21:23,334
Who's really in jail ?
You know ?
594
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,701
( Terry )
ronnie got himselfa new hollywood house,
595
00:21:25,767 --> 00:21:27,234
and a newhollywood wife,
596
00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:29,834
and then ronnie forgotwhat got him there.
597
00:21:29,901 --> 00:21:31,834
How y'all doin' ?
Y'all know rhonda ?
598
00:21:31,901 --> 00:21:33,767
Yes, we do. Hi, ronnie.
How are you today ?
599
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,667
Arrest me, officer.
600
00:21:35,734 --> 00:21:36,634
For what ?
601
00:21:36,701 --> 00:21:39,133
What did you do ?
What's goin' on ?
602
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,801
Wh...
603
00:21:40,868 --> 00:21:42,534
I'm not wearin'
A shirt !
604
00:21:42,601 --> 00:21:43,767
So...
605
00:21:43,834 --> 00:21:45,000
Fuck you, pigs !
606
00:21:45,067 --> 00:21:46,300
( Laughing )
607
00:21:46,367 --> 00:21:47,934
That's very funny,
Ronnie. Um...
608
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,434
Would you mind signing this
For my nephew, neil ?
609
00:21:50,501 --> 00:21:51,767
I would really
Appreciate it.
610
00:21:51,834 --> 00:21:52,868
( Terry )
ronnie couldn't get arrested
611
00:21:52,934 --> 00:21:55,000
in this town orany other town,
612
00:21:55,067 --> 00:21:57,300
and i intendedto find out why.
613
00:21:57,968 --> 00:21:59,234
Ronnie ?
614
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:01,567
Ronnie ?
615
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:08,734
( Coughing )
616
00:22:08,801 --> 00:22:10,300
Ronnie !
617
00:22:10,367 --> 00:22:12,167
Ronwell !
618
00:22:12,901 --> 00:22:15,000
Ronnie !
619
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:16,234
Terry.
620
00:22:18,934 --> 00:22:21,000
I thought you
Was in hawaii.
621
00:22:21,067 --> 00:22:24,634
A lot of people think
A lot of things about hawaii.
622
00:22:24,701 --> 00:22:27,000
( Audience laughing )
623
00:22:27,067 --> 00:22:28,767
Ronnie, i'm going to
Put it to you bluntly--
624
00:22:28,834 --> 00:22:31,501
How long have you
Been not drinking ?
625
00:22:31,567 --> 00:22:33,334
Terry, i drink
All the time !
626
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:34,367
You know me.
Come on !
627
00:22:34,434 --> 00:22:36,801
No, you come on, ronnie !
What's in this ?
628
00:22:36,868 --> 00:22:38,767
Terry, come on,
That's my cocaine.
629
00:22:38,834 --> 00:22:42,601
Bullshit, ronnie.
It's fucking baking soda !
630
00:22:42,667 --> 00:22:44,067
Ronnie, i'm going to
Read you a letter
631
00:22:44,133 --> 00:22:45,467
I received the other day.
632
00:22:45,534 --> 00:22:46,567
Terry, i--
633
00:22:46,634 --> 00:22:48,968
"Dear mr. Dobbs,
My name is lamar.
634
00:22:49,033 --> 00:22:52,300
"I am 8 years old.
I am your biggest fan.
635
00:22:52,367 --> 00:22:55,567
"How come you are
Not so drunk anymore ?
636
00:22:55,634 --> 00:22:58,000
"What's wrong ?
Are you sick ?
637
00:22:58,067 --> 00:23:01,067
"My daddy says you were
Never really drunk,
638
00:23:01,133 --> 00:23:03,634
"But just a
Hollywood phony.
639
00:23:03,701 --> 00:23:06,033
"I told him he was
Wrong, and he beat
The shit out of me.
640
00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:07,234
"Love, lamar.
641
00:23:07,300 --> 00:23:09,067
"P.S. Please start
Drinking again soon."
642
00:23:09,133 --> 00:23:11,634
Ronnie, i've got 12 sacks
Of these back at my office.
643
00:23:11,701 --> 00:23:13,300
Look in the mirror.
644
00:23:13,367 --> 00:23:15,000
What do you see ?
645
00:23:17,734 --> 00:23:19,534
( Sobbing )
646
00:23:19,601 --> 00:23:20,968
A monster !
647
00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:24,734
But i don't care !
648
00:23:24,801 --> 00:23:27,133
I don't care ! People don't
Know how hard it is, terry.
649
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,934
They don't know
What it takes
650
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,200
To put on these
Little shows.
651
00:23:30,267 --> 00:23:31,601
I mean, jesus, bob,
652
00:23:31,667 --> 00:23:33,300
Look at our
Working conditions.
653
00:23:33,367 --> 00:23:35,868
I mean, fuck, hbo spent
More money on fraggle rock.
654
00:23:35,934 --> 00:23:37,267
Look at this place.
655
00:23:37,334 --> 00:23:39,167
You know, this is
Supposed to be a mansion ?
656
00:23:39,234 --> 00:23:41,701
Look at this.
Did steve and eydie have
A yard sale or something ?
657
00:23:41,767 --> 00:23:43,234
Look at this.
658
00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:45,000
We're performing in a
Restaurant, for christ's sake.
659
00:23:45,067 --> 00:23:46,968
Here, show 'em.
Here.
660
00:23:47,033 --> 00:23:48,567
Look at that.
Look at this, everybody.
661
00:23:48,634 --> 00:23:49,534
There it is, right there.
662
00:23:49,601 --> 00:23:51,267
"Wingdings and things.
$3.50."
663
00:23:51,334 --> 00:23:52,634
Isn't the reason
We're down here
664
00:23:52,701 --> 00:23:54,000
And living in this shitty city
665
00:23:54,067 --> 00:23:55,534
Because there's
Studios everywhere ?
666
00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:56,667
Ok, good, all right.
667
00:23:56,734 --> 00:23:59,000
You know, i'm sorry.
I'm sorry, terry,
668
00:23:59,067 --> 00:24:00,467
But ronnie dobbs
Has to do
669
00:24:00,534 --> 00:24:03,234
What's best
For ronnie dobbs.
670
00:24:03,300 --> 00:24:06,000
And if that means drying out
With kelsey grammer,
671
00:24:06,067 --> 00:24:08,434
Then so be it.
672
00:24:08,501 --> 00:24:10,834
You know what
You are, terry ?
673
00:24:10,901 --> 00:24:11,868
British ?
674
00:24:11,934 --> 00:24:13,767
You're an enabler !
675
00:24:13,834 --> 00:24:15,767
You are an enabler !
676
00:24:16,601 --> 00:24:18,167
Now, get out of my house !
677
00:24:18,234 --> 00:24:20,334
Yeah, go on and leave,
You british frog !
678
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,801
( Terry )
we parted ways,and i was at a loss
679
00:24:22,868 --> 00:24:25,801
as to how i wouldmake more money off ronnie.
680
00:24:25,868 --> 00:24:29,100
and then, a stroke of luck--he died !
681
00:24:29,167 --> 00:24:32,601
and i sold his life storyto the movies.
682
00:24:46,267 --> 00:24:47,501
Ronnie ?
683
00:24:49,667 --> 00:24:52,100
Ronnie dobbs ?
Is that you ?
684
00:24:54,133 --> 00:24:55,467
Terry...
685
00:24:55,534 --> 00:24:57,167
Ronnie, i can't
Believe this.
686
00:24:57,234 --> 00:24:58,434
It is you !
687
00:24:59,501 --> 00:25:01,901
How far
We've fallen !
688
00:25:01,968 --> 00:25:03,634
Oh, we can still
Do it, ronnie--
689
00:25:03,701 --> 00:25:04,968
You and i,
Together. Come on,
690
00:25:05,033 --> 00:25:06,300
We'll buy a bottle
Of cheap wine,
691
00:25:06,367 --> 00:25:07,400
We'll raise a ruckus--
692
00:25:07,467 --> 00:25:09,067
Terry, no !
693
00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:12,434
I did not want to have to
Reveal this to you, but--
694
00:25:12,501 --> 00:25:14,634
What's this ?
A doctor's note ?
695
00:25:15,901 --> 00:25:16,801
You're dying !
696
00:25:16,868 --> 00:25:18,501
I'm dying.
697
00:25:18,567 --> 00:25:20,634
I've got
Entitilitus !
698
00:25:20,701 --> 00:25:22,601
Damn this entitilitus !
699
00:25:23,334 --> 00:25:24,667
How serious is it ?
700
00:25:24,734 --> 00:25:27,501
They say i could go
At any minute.
701
00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:28,601
Oh !
702
00:25:28,667 --> 00:25:29,634
No, no, i'm all right.
703
00:25:29,701 --> 00:25:30,667
I've got you.
704
00:25:30,734 --> 00:25:32,234
I'm all right.
( Chuckling )
705
00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:33,334
Oh !
706
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,734
( Groaning )
707
00:25:36,801 --> 00:25:38,534
Actually, no, wait--
708
00:25:38,601 --> 00:25:40,000
Oh, oh, god !
709
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:42,601
( Laughing )
710
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:43,601
Oh.
711
00:25:46,667 --> 00:25:47,901
Ronnie ?
712
00:25:50,234 --> 00:25:55,267
( Screaming )
Ronnie !
713
00:25:57,534 --> 00:26:02,434
Ronnie !
714
00:26:06,634 --> 00:26:09,234
ronnie !
715
00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:11,901
My scream went on
For 2 hours,
716
00:26:11,968 --> 00:26:14,934
And i set a new world
Record for screaming.
717
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,968
I received a letter
From the president,
718
00:26:17,033 --> 00:26:21,267
And a baked carrot from the
Society for unpleasant gifts.
719
00:26:21,334 --> 00:26:23,834
I opened a screaming school
In upstate new york--
720
00:26:23,901 --> 00:26:24,801
And time !
721
00:26:24,868 --> 00:26:25,801
Really ?
722
00:26:25,868 --> 00:26:26,968
Yeah, the lady
Said 30 minutes.
723
00:26:27,033 --> 00:26:29,067
All right, let's check.
724
00:26:29,133 --> 00:26:30,400
Oh, my goodness.
725
00:26:30,467 --> 00:26:32,033
( Gasping )
Aw !
726
00:26:32,100 --> 00:26:34,234
Oh, yay !
727
00:26:34,300 --> 00:26:35,701
Hey, guys,
Come on out !
728
00:26:35,767 --> 00:26:37,434
Yeah, check this out.
Check it out.
729
00:26:37,501 --> 00:26:38,801
Hey, the pants
Worked.
730
00:26:38,868 --> 00:26:40,267
Aww !
731
00:26:40,334 --> 00:26:41,400
Man, those pants !
732
00:26:41,467 --> 00:26:42,667
The pants worked.
733
00:26:42,734 --> 00:26:43,968
tonight's showwas brought to you
734
00:26:44,033 --> 00:26:46,167
by o'henderson'sincubation pants.
735
00:26:46,234 --> 00:26:48,767
dark, warm, withplenty of "egg room."
736
00:26:48,834 --> 00:26:50,167
o'henderson's-- the pantsthat get you chicks !
51132
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