All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s04e11 O Captain My Captain.eng

Ah, the teachers of our youth.

They pushed us, inspired our minds,

and made us who we are today.

And when those great teachers got sick,

my mom stepped in to be a sub.

Bonjour, my little French fries.

By the time I'm done with you,

you're going to be eating snails,

not taking baths,

and enjoying the silent art of mime.

(Laughs) Like most substitute teachers,

she didn't know very much.

They're a weird people, hmm?

Then one day, everything changed.

My Mom saw the movie
"Dead Poets Society."

O Captain! My Captain!

O Captain! My Captain!

When Robin Williams inspired
those stuffy rich kids

to stand on their desks,

my mom saw her true calling.

Who knew Mork from Ork
had such a serious side?

This movie proves that a sub

is the most important
person in a child's life.

Come Monday, that's
just what I'm gonna do...

inspire my kids.

You mean your students
or your actual kids?

Both. It's a win-win.

I'm sure they'll see it that way.

- Hey, shut up!
- You shut up!

Good morning, class.

Uh, before we get started,
does anyone need to make?

Hmm? Anyone?

There's gonna be a
lot of learning today,

so if you got to make, do it now.

Anyone got to make poo-poos?

Stop!

- No one has to make!
- Moving on.

All right, according to this
memo from Principal Ball,

Mr. Gluckman has been
checked into a rehab facility

to address his
relationship with cocaine.

"Please tell the
students he has the flu."

Okay. Mr. Gluckman has the flu.

(Chuckles)

I'll be your sub for the next 30 days.

- Sweet!
- A sub!

We get to waste a whole
month of critical learning

that'll put us behind for years to come!

No, JTP! History has proven

my mom turns awesome things to garbage!

Aw, who's that handsome fella?

- Is he single?
- This is a nightmare.

Question, Who here is familiar

with the film "Dead Poets Society?"

Chill, dude.

Your mom's gonna show us a movie.

It's a classic sub move.

Oh, we're not watching it.

We're living it!

- Oh, no.
- Barry's right.

In fact, I need a volunteer

chosen completely at random

to come stand on my
desk and view the world

- from a new perspective.
- Oh, No!

She wants us to learn
by standing on furniture?

Standing on a desk was how Robin
Williams inspired his students.

Unfortunately, not everyone
liked to see things

from a different angle.

Whoa, whoa!

There's no climbing in
school! Unless it's on a rope

hung dangerously from the
rafters of the gymnasium.

Dude, the hot sub told us to do it.

Are you crazy?

What do you think you're doing?

(Laughing) Ho! Look, everyone!

It's the stuffy administration
coming to clip my wings!

No! For the past 30 years,

Mr. Gluckman has sloshed
corrosive chemicals

all over that old desk.
It's falling apart.

I fear nothing.

Like any great teacher,
I encourage my students

to seize the day! (Creaking)

Aah!

Synced and Corrected by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com

It was January 4, 1980-something,

the day a single text
message rocked my world.

Yo.

Get this note to Goldnerd for me.

Yep, back in the '80s,

this was our version of sending a text.

You'd have to pass a note the
old-fashioned way, by hand.

Only problem was, your messages
weren't password-protected.

Mr. Goldberg, since that little paper

is more important than life-saving CPR,

maybe you'd like to stand

and share it with the rest of us.

"Ballsssss."

To be clear...

I did not write this.

"Dude, when did Emmy
Mirsky get so dang foxy?

I mean, holy boobs,
Batman! (Scattered laughter)

Look at those sweatshirt puppies."

Again, I did not write this.

Oh, that sucked.

My intention was to teach you
a lesson about note-passing,

but instead, I just made us
all feel wildly uncomfortable.

(Chuckles) Let's just
move on to Chapter 6, okay?

Female reproductive... Nope.

Class dismissed.

Next time you get caught with a note,

just do what a normal person does

- and eat it.
- Dude, you can't eat paper.

My mom says it plugs up your bottom.

Small price to pay to
avoid total humiliation.

I know, right?

I had to stand up in front of everyone

and talk about my best
friend's, you know, stuff.

Wait.

You thought that note
was embarrassing for you?

Well, who else would it embarrass?

- Me!
- Why?

The note said you were hot.

You should be happy about it.

Are you serious right now?

Dork!

Boy, you really know your way

around relationships with human beings.

I agree I'm flawed,

but I honestly have no
idea what I said wrong here.

Okay, I'm gonna shed some light

on what it's like to be a freshman girl,

and it ain't gonna be pretty.

The seniors called me
"Frizzica Spazzberg."

Every 9th-grade girl,
no matter how she looks,

feels uncomfortable in her own skin.

There's a hunk of
lettuce in your braces.

How did you not feel it?

I was going through a salad phase!

My point is, Emmy just needs a friend

who understands how she feels.

Seriously, though,

there's like a whole
head of romaine in there.

I am gonna give you
one second to walk away.

1!

As I was learning how
to be a better friend,

my mom was teaching Barry
how to be a better student.

I don't understand!

This is my house, not my school.

Now that I have the teaching
tools I learned in a movie,

I will not rest until you
get an "A" in this class.

Okay, now, the atomic symbol "C"

stands for what?

- Chemistry!
- Carbon.

It stands for Carbon.

But it also stands for chemistry,

so half a point?

Okay. Name three types of inert gases.

Easy. There's regular, unleaded,

and... farts?

- Farts?
- Farts.

The answer is not farts!

How is fart not a gas?!

Science makes no sense,
and I don't need it!

Especially 'cause I'm
gonna marry Kathy Ireland.

- Who?
- Supermodel Kathy Ireland.

I'm gonna be her lazy mooch of a husband

who lives in her mansion in Ireland!

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go brush
up on my Irish culture

and (bad Irish accent) find me gold

at the end of the rainbow, mon.

Well, that accent was
definitely Jamaican.

Boopie, don't give up!

Mama believes in you!

Question... Why?

You're a substitute teacher.

Just give the boy a damn "A" already.

- You want me to cheat?
- Of course I do.

We got to get that moron
into some sort of college.

Can you believe this, Dad?

- He thinks Barry can't do it.
- His answer was "farts."

Okay, you really want
him to buckle down?

Let me go upstairs and
get his ass in gear.

By yelling at him and
calling him a moron?

No way. That doesn't work.

Barry needs inspiration.

All I need to do is
unlock his potential,

and then the sky's the limit.

His many limits are the limit.

His answer was "farts."

That day, I was also on a mission

to prove to Emmy I felt her pain.

All right, hormonal disasters!

It's time to pick teams!

Shirts, Skins, Shirts, Skins,

Okay, so why exactly did we cut math

to sit in on some random gym class?

What you're witnessing

is a barbaric practice
known as "Shirts vs. Skins."

Nothing is worse than
having to awkwardly disrobe

- in front of your bros.
- You got to be kidding me.

I know!

I mean, why not shorts vs. pants?

or red shirts vs. blue shirts?

Sure, it would take some
planning the night before,

but I could get a phone tree going.

I mean, we are not the same.

Do you wear thick, baggy-ass clothes

when it's 90 degrees
out to hide your body?

I thought you wear that
'cause you love Epcot.

I've never even been
there! Why would I love it?

'Cause it's like taking
a trip around the world

without leaving the
safe confines of Orlando?

Being a Skin in gym

is nothing compared to
being stared at all day.

Well, if you think about it,

my thing's actually way worse

'cause at least you get to
cover up with bulky fabrics.

I get no fabrics! None!

You're a douche lord!

(Music Playing)

Hey, Bar, how's studying with Mom going?

Rad as all get-out.
Only took two minutes

to finish all of my homework.

She's really teaching you science stuff?

Let's just say Mom is gonna be
very pleased with my answers.

(Chuckles) Pops, give us a taste.

Question 1.

"What is the chemical
symbol for sodium?"

And my answer?

"My mommy is the best mommy ever

of all mommies on Planet Mommy."

Nailed it!

What the hell are you doing, you moron?

Just giving the lady

the answers she always wanted to hear.

Pops, what's the atomic
weight of chloride?

"Wittle Barry-wary like
Mummy's snuggy-wuggies."

Okay, this is just nonsense.

And with that, my dad knew it was time

to inspire Barry in his own way.

Look, I hate to tell you this,

but your mom is looking
for any excuse to fail you.

What? Why?

Mom telling you to
study is just a trick,

because she knows you
never do what she says.

I do don't do that!

She really wants you to
fail so you don't graduate.

And no college means
you live here forever.

And that means she
picks out your clothes

for the rest of your life.

But I want Kathy Ireland
to pick out my clothes

for the rest of my life.

Well, I hope she enjoys
sharing a family bathroom.

No! She likes sushi and
smoothies and Malibu!

I don't know what to tell you.

Mom will not control me.

I will learn all chemistry...

No, all science!

- Mom says you won't.
- Oh, I will.

Time for me to tear off
this plastic shrink-wrap

and get to learning.

But the year is half-over.

And that, my friend, is
how you truly inspire a kid.

All you did was use his mother
as a weapon to rile him up.

I do it all the time.

It's how I got Erica to learn piano,

Adam to ice skate.

I just tell them that their
mom is holding them back.

You do know that if Bev
finds out about this,

she'll never forgive you.

No doubt.

Aw, screw it. You did
what you had to do.

It had been days since
Emmy talked to me,

so I decided to recruit
someone who spoke her language.

Okay, before you throw
a hard object at me

- and say "Get out"...
- Get out!

I have a big favor to ask

and will pay a huge
sum of money to do it.

I'm listening.

I need you to give this note to Emmy

and make her read it.

She's still not talking to you, huh?

Honestly, she's being
crazy and irrational,

but as you can see in this note,

I'm the bigger man and
still willing to apologize.

"Dear Emmy, you're being
crazy and irrational.

Let me explain the many reasons

why your super-silly female body issues

are all in your head." No.

Fine! Then... Then you fix it.

Exactly how much money
are we talking here?

$1,000.

Which is what this
Megatron will be worth

on the black market in 30 years.

- I'll do it for 20 bucks.
- 5 bucks and a Skeletor?

I'll do it if you just go away now.

And so my sister would help
me, but not by going to Emmy.

Hey, Coach. Got a minute?

Kind of busy, female Goldberg.

I'm inventing a new hybrid sport.

Either, uh, baseball
fencing or water-polo squash.

You can't play squash under water.

- People need to breathe.
- Need to breathe.

(Sighs) That makes sense.

"Need... to... breathe".

Uh-huh.

So, my brother's been a
bad friend to Emmy Mirsky.

Ah, stabbed in the
back by her best amigo.

That is a crime worse than
all the murders in the world.

I don't think that's right, but sure.

So, could you help her

by blatantly abusing your authority?

You want old Coach to
exact sweet revenge, huh?

No problem.

- You're an amazing teacher.
- I'm sure of it.

While Erica was looking
to teach me a lesson,

Barry was ready to learn.

- JTP!
- JTP!

I need you to teach me
everything about chemistry

so I can get an "A."

Are you sure you want to join us, bro?

Yeah, you tend to just sort
of peter out, insult us,

and then leave us high and dry.

Not this time, my tiny
friend I can fit in my pocket!

I have enough anger in me

to last for at least
three days. Let's do this!

- What are you doing?
- Taking photographs with my mind.

You mean memorizing?

Done! Quiz me.

- Fire away.
- Dude. (Chuckles)

It takes more than just
glancing at our note cards

to know what elements are in
Group Four of the Periodic Table.

Titanium, Zirconium,
Hafnium, and Rutherfordium.

Whoa. When you've got
hate in your heart,

- you're, like, crazy-smart.
- Also, it totally proves

you were never living
up to your potential.

Indeed, Geoffrey.

And I will use that potential
to stop my mom's evil plan.

And he did.

Barry was so psyched to
teach my mom a lesson,

he couldn't stop teaching himself.

Well, look at you guys studying.

Just tutoring my boys.

They're having a hard time keeping up.

Keeping up... with you?

Turns out science just
kind of clicks when I try.

Barry's even read four
chapters ahead for fun.

That's right. He knows stuff

we can't even begin to comprehend.

Until we read that far into the book.

Thanks to you telling
me about Mom's awful plan

to keep me here to love me forever.

You're really showing her.

Uh, just maybe you keep your
rage-learning between us.

But what's the point of knowledge

if you don't use it
to destroy your mother?

You know what would
really stick it to her?

If you tell her after
you got into college.

(Laughs) Yeah.

Imagine how miserable she'll
be when I go off to Harvard.

You'll destroy her for sure.

But until then, let's
just keep it our secret.

Our wonderful secret.

As my dad was trying
to keep Barry quiet,

I was just trying to keep my shirt on.

Shirt. Skin.

Shirt, Skin, Shirt,
Skin, Shirt, Skin, Shirt.

- Yes! I'm golden.
- Shirt.

Skin.

Skin.

Whoa. Hey, hang on!

This better be important, Goldfarb!

- It is. You double-skin.
- Oh, how about that?

I did double-Skin.

But you can't double-Skin.

It's Shirt, Skin, Shirt, Skin.

I can Skin-Skin anytime I like.

If you Skin-Skin, there's
no rules! It's chaos!

Maybe now you'll know what it feels like

to be a young girl coming of age!

Wait, is this about Emmy?

The best teachers never
reveal if it's about Emmy.

So it is about Emmy!

You should have just eaten the note.

Everybody eats the note!

Why do people think eating
paper is a viable option?!

Just for the back-talk, you're a skin

- for the rest of the week!
- No!

Now you're a Skin for
the rest of the year!

You keep it up, you'll
be a Skin for life!

You can't do that.

Trust me, On your wedding day,

you will walk down the aisle shirtless.

No respectable venue would allow that!

It'll be a beach wedding!

(Groans) That sounds wonderful...

and like my worst nightmare.

That was when I realized

the person I'd enlisted to help me

only made it worse.

You did this!

You said you wanted my
help, so I'm helping you.

I meant talk to her and make
everything better for me.

Instead, you got Mellor all riled up!

You know he riles easily!

I wasn't just gonna bail you out.

- You'd never learn if I did that.
- Learn what?

Do you know how hard it
was for me to be Frizzica?

I used to eat lunch
in the bathroom stalls.

I'd take the back
hallways to avoid boys.

I even spent Saturday nights at home

watching the news with Dad.

He yells so much at the news.

It's like he thinks they can hear him!

But you want to know the worst part?

Is I had no one to
talk to about any of it.

But Emmy does. She has you.

But you're only thinking about yourself

instead of being there for her.

(Whistle blows)

All right. Enough lesson-learning.

Shirt off. Get in the game.

You'll have to catch me first!

I'm athletic when determined.

(Thud)

(Groans) I'm a Skin.

(Backgroud Music playing)

Boom! Read it and weep.

Read it to me. It
hurts when I look down.

It's Barry's chemistry
test, and guess what?

He aced it!

Or should I say, I aced him!

Guess you did, huh?

No, you said I couldn't "Captain" him,

- but you were wrong, sucka!
- You showed me.

Attention, people in the room.

I have a huge announcement
about my future

that I need to rub in my mother's face.

No, no, no. We said we
were gonna be rubbing

- at a much later date.
- I'm sorry, Dad.

I couldn't wait for Harvard to beg me

to join their ranks.

This is too good. It must be rubbed.

Wait, did I hear "Harvard"?

I think I heard "Harvard."

Oh, you heard it.

Thanks to my newfound love of sciences,

I've officially decided
what to do with my life.

I shall be a doctor.

(Gasps)

- I give you the JTP.
- JTP!

Not the Jenkintown Posse.

I'm talkin' about the
Jenkintown Practice,

an all-in-one medical facility

where I'll be C.E.O. and lead surgeon.

I'm the in-house ophthalmologist.

I'm the foot doc, y'all!

And I'ma play drums in the waiting room.

I cannot believe what I'm hearing!

Tell me more!

No. Let's not.

Sorry, Mom. You lose.

- We've heard enough.
- I will succeed in life

- just to spite you.
- No!

What'chu have to say about that?

This is the happiest fucking
day of my fucking life!

What?! Why is this good news?

'Cause I inspired you to learn!

Now, get up on that table and
"O Captain! My Captain!" me.

But I thought you
secretly wanted me to fail.

Of course not.

Uh, who would give
you such a nasty idea?

(Dog yelps)

Maybe we should go.

What the hell's happening here?

Ooh, I'd like to stay and quietly watch.

I may have slightly motivated the kid

using you as a springboard for his hate.

- Yeah, you get it.
- Wait.

My mom genuinely wants me to thrive?

- This is horrible!
- No, it's great!

You love science now. We all win.

It's all built on lies!

I fully reject science and all learning!

(Sighs) I'm sorry, JTP.

We're no longer the JTP.

We're just the JTP.

(Sadly) JTP.

Bevy, I only wanted to
help the kid succeed.

Well, your way worked. Congrats.

Wait... Where you going?

To quit.

I'm no teacher.

And the worst part is,

the only thing I inspired
in my son is resentment.

(Sighs)

I had messed up with Emmy,

and it would take a miracle
to fix our friendship...

- or a couple of jerks.
- Dude.

Fresh hottie, 9:00.

(Coughing) Nice rack.

Sorry.

Allergies. (Chuckles)

In that moment, I finally
saw how hard it was for Emmy,

and I knew just what I had to do,

even if it killed me.

Excuse me. Hi, I'm Adam F. Goldberg.

Not be confused with
the other Adam Goldberg.

- The artsy dude?
- Actually, we both have

an appreciation for the arts.

He's more of a multi-hyphenate.

I've been focusing on the written word.

What the hell is your problem, dorknard?

I just heard you talking
about my friend here.

Dude! Go away, it's fine.

No, it's not!

I mean, how would you feel

if every time you walked through school,

the girls talked about your body?

I'd nod and say, "This saddle seats one.

Unless you're a twin,
then it seats two."

Point is, maybe we should
just be more sensitive.

It's hard enough to be a freshman

hoping you can fit in.

I'm hoping you can
fit in that trash can.

Exactly. W... Wait, what?

Oh! Oh, God!

(Panting) Not the trash!

That's where Nurse Steve
dumps all the old Band-Aids.

Ow! Ow, ow, ow!

- Hands off the dork.
- Or what?

I sit behind you in Spanish.

Next siesta you take in class,

snip-snip, you lose the ponytail.

But that's where my soul resides.

Come on, man.

She's turning the tables
on us, and I don't like it.

Dude! That was badass.

Well, you're a tough girl.

It may take you a few
years, but you'll get there.

Trust me.

Are you crazy?

You almost got trashed!

I just figured I
should be there for you,

no matter how hard it gets.

(Chuckles)

Thanks a lot. (Sniffles)

Now I'm crying at school

'cause you're such a dumb, great friend.

The dumbest. (Both chuckle)

Yep, growing up is an awkward adventure,

but with a little understanding,

we can help each other get
through the rough spots.

Hey.

Please don't make a
big deal out of this.

Wow. I get a hug even though
I made you a Skin for life?

You also just saved it.

I'm your big sis.
That's what I'm here for.

I'm gonna hug you again.

- Do it and you die.
- No, I...

Sometimes, we're so consumed
with our own problems,

we can't see what other
people are going through

until we open our eyes and our hearts.

Dude!

Knock first!

What'd you put under the mattress?

Magazine.

Dirty kind with lady parts.

- Physics?
- (Sighs)

Fine.

Look, I love science.

I'm good at it, and I feel ashamed.

Well, don't.

- I'm proud of you.
- You are?

Look, it was wrong to use
your mother against you,

but now we know how much you can do

if you actually try.

Yeah. Who knew?

I'll tell you who
knew... Beverly Goldberg.

She believed in you the whole time.

I guess she is a good teacher.

And she's also a damn-good mother.

And maybe it wouldn't
hurt if you let her know.

- (Indistinct conversations)
- (Whistle blows)

All right! Quiet down!

I'm your substitute sub,

which means study hall for a month!

Sorry to interrupt. I
just came to get my mug.

Wait!

Mom!

(Music Playing)

O Captain! My Captain!

- Sit down, Mr. Goldberg!
- On behalf of me

and the rest of the Jenkintown Practice,

thank you for believing in us.

And in me.

I said sit down, Mr. Goldberg!

- O Captain! My Captain!
- O Captain! My Captain!

O Captain! My Captain!

What'd I say about
standing on the desks?

Everybody down!

Dude, they're sticking it to Mellor

by standing on school property!

I'm king of whatever class this is!

This school sucks!

Screw you, Dad!

Rush rules!

I will never die!

Turns out, Beverly Goldberg

was way more than just
a substitute teacher.

She was permanent inspiration.

My baby's gonna be a doctor.

Eh, I'll believe that when I see it.

_

- (Applause) (Ding!)
- _

Dad, say something. How do you feel?

I am so proud and happy.

Now that he's gonna be
going to medical school,

I cried like a baby.

Because that means
for another four years,

he'll still be out of the house

and we can keep the room neat.

And that is how you
perform CPR on a man.

Whoa, Mr. Goldberg, what
is that you have there?

Is that another note?

What? You just...

You know the rule. If you
get caught with a note,

you have to stand up
and read it out loud

so that everybody can hear it.

"Hey, Adam. Who's your favorite teacher?

I know mine's old Glascott.

He's hip like us. Dude just gets it.

Did you know he's in a funk
fusion band called Funk and Games?

I heard he's playing at the
farmer's market this weekend."

I can't read any more.
I'm just gonna eat it.

You can't eat paper! It'll plug you up!

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