All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s04e06 Recipe for Death II Kiss the Cook.eng

Adult Adam: The '80s were the pinnacle

of the badass, jacked-up action hero.

They tore up the movie screen

and inspired every kid to let
out their inner commando.

Dude! It's like looking into a mirror!

[As Arnold Schwarzenegger] I'll be back.

You're not going anywhere, mister.

You got schmutz all over your face.

Here, let Mama get it off.

No! I'm Commando.

Commando? No, no, no.
Go put some undies on.

You're gonna chafe your little gumdrops.

Yep. Growing up, a new
Arnold movie was an event.

Remember, Sully, when
I promised to kill you last?

That's right, Matrix, you did!

- I lied.
- [Screams]

Schwarzenegger really is
the coolest man alive.

And his acting gets slightly
better in every movie.

Hoo-hoo! Look at Commando go!

He just punched that guy dead!

Like most dads in the '80s,

Murray Goldberg loved action
movies as much as me.

No, Commando! Don't go in that shed!

Adam, Commando won't listen!

[Whispering] You know who is listening?

[Normal voice] The entire theater!

But my dad
just couldn't contain himself.

Incredible! That had everything
you want in a movie!

Explosions, revenge,

a steam pipe being thrown through a guy.

All movies should be "Commando."

Or "Rambo."

Or any action movie
with an "O" on the end, I'm in!

For the first time,

me and my dad had something in common.

Naturally, I'd use it for my gain.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Arnold said six lines in that movie

and your dad talked over every one?

No! This is my big ticket to get him

to finally pony up some dough
for a homemade action movie!

- Dude, when are you gonna learn?
- What?

It's like every week you go to your dad

and ask him to support one
of your insanely geeky hobbies.

[Scoffs] Name one.

Robots, swords, video games,

Space Camp, D&D, Magic, Fraggles,

a new computer so you could
"Weird Science" up a hot girl.

I live a rich life, Dave Kim!

But this time's gonna be different

'cause for the first time,
we love the same thing.

He can't say no!

And yet, I think he'll find a way.

And so began the presentation
of a lifetime.

Evening, dad. Full disclosure...

I'm gonna do that thing
where I present you

with an awesome idea
and ask you to fund it.

Kiddo, please don't put us all
through this again.

It's hard to watch.

Not this time!

I've decided to make
my first action movie.

And I need you to help me
realize my vision.

Behold!

It's called "Recipe for Death."

I'm in.

I play John Cook, the street-wise chef

whose brother was kidnapped
by the Mafia.

Now the only thing I serve

- is vengeance.
- I'm in.

Let me finish before you mock me.

My movie stars the world's
biggest, baddest action hero.

He's not from Austria, like Arnold,

or Belgium, like Van Damme,

or wherever Steven Seagal is from.

Probably central Florida.

No! This superstar lives in our house!

Me.

Stop talking! I'm in!

We get it, you're out,
just let the poor yutz finish.

What part of "I'm in" don't you get?

The answer is yes.

Oh, sweet balls!
I've never made it this far.

What do I ask for? I'm panicking.

He's having some sort of episode.

Get everything you can.

Just take my 80 bucks.

Dear Lord! This is a big-budget movie!

I'm making a big-budget movie!

Yoo-yah! [Grunts] Ya-ya-ya!

I'm already regretting this.

Too late!

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

It was November 9, 1980-something,

and my sister was obsessed
with the one thing

every teen girl loved... fashion.

Seriously! That dress could
literally not get any radder.

It's a sweater dress from Benetton.

They can take even the lamest
and lumpiest of all clothes

and make it sleek and sexy.

Well, Benetton is
the Italian word for "style."

I agree.

It's the perfect dress
for our homecoming party.

Me and Barry are gonna look so classy.

God! I want a sweater dress so bad.

- I wish I could afford it.
- Maybe you can get a job.

And maybe you can try and help
me instead of talking nonsense.

Well, then just ask your mom
to buy it for you.

No way! Shopping with her
is a nightmare.

She always turns it
into a daylong bonding marathon

with brunch and mani-pedis
and ice cream and long talks.

You mean like a loving mom
who you can always count on?

Ugh! I know, right?

Well, the question
you have to ask yourself

is how bad do you want
that sweater dress?

The answer... bad.
So bad that she did this.

Mommy, remember that one time
when I lived in your tummy?

[Gasps] So weird.
I was just thinking about that.

Anyway. Can we go shopping for a dress?

Wait, to clarify, I'm being
invited to go shopping

by you, my delicious little pickle.

Yeah, that's me. A pickle.

Whatever it takes.

- [Camera shutter clicks]
- Oh!

I just had to capture the moment
so I could remember it forever.

The moment when my daughter
became my best friend.

So that's a yes?

Heck, yes! Grab your coat!

Look out, Gimbels! The Goldberg
gals are coming in hot!

Actually, I was thinking
a different store.

Oh, but everybody loves Gimbels.

Yeah, it's like traveling back

to a simpler, less-fashionable era.

I was thinking more Benetton.

Ooh, yes.

That's the place
where you order the meats

and they cook them right there
next to you

and then they flip the meats
into your mouth

and then you eat the meats.

- That's Benihana.
- Okay, then.

So, Gimbels first, then flying meats,

then we get our nails done,
then a sherbet stop,

then I gotta pick up
your dad's prescription,

then paddleboating in the park,
and then who knows?

The moon! [Chuckling]

I just want a sweater
that's also a dress.

Lucky for Erica,
Gimbels wasn't an option.

Going out of business?

What could that possibly mean?

I think that means
they're going out of business.

Gimbels is the biggest
shopping chain in America.

That's like saying
Blockbuster Video shut down,

or B. Dalton Books, or Circuit City.

It's impossible!

It seems possible
and very much happening.

I think you need
to shut your face-mouth!

I'm sorry. This is
the worst day of my life.

No. No way. Why are they naked?

Give them their decency!

They need bulky khakis
and nylon blouses!

Calm down, mom. It's just a store.

Not to me.
I've had my best memories there.

Just think of all the coupons
I've doubled.

All the managers I've made cry.

All the clothes I've worn for a decade

and then returned no questions asked.

No wonder they're going out of business.

Now I'm store-less, Erica.

Life will never be the same.

Hey. It doesn't matter
that Gimbels is closing.

What matters is that we're
spending time together.

Now, come on. Let's buy me stuff.

While Erica was playing my mom,

I was about to play
my cinematic masterpiece

for my producer, my dad.

[Suspenseful music plays]

Yah!

[Gunshot]

[Gunshot]

- Cool, right?
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Lots of good stuff there.

Dad, you're actually
interested in my movie!

I want your feedback.

Good or bad? We're partners on this.

Partners? Okay then.

Well, it's all dark and hard to see.

There were some lighting
challenges. Note taken.

And the camera shakes like crazy.

Camera's kinda heavy, so...

Also, it sounds like crap.

Wow. Lotta thoughts.

And it looks cheap as hell.

All right, maybe ease off.

Like a washed-out,
crummy public-access show

that's on at midnight.

I'm just a boy!

I gave you $80 to make a real movie.

You said you were gonna do
some real "Van Damage."

Look, a film camera and lights and
boom mic cost a ton of money.

It's not just going to fall in my lap.

Here's the stuff. Make it good.

Wow. Where'd you score this?

My cousin Russ films
bar mitzvahs for a living.

He said you could borrow it.

Whoa. Wait.
All this time, I've had access

to high-tech Hollywood film equipment,

and you've never told me?

I guess I never connected the dots.

Oh, my God.

There's, like, a warm sensation
inside my heart.

Don't make it weird.

It's like you're one of
those dads in the stands

cheering me on 'cause I'm good
at athletic-sport competitions.

You made it weird.
Now, just take the stuff and go.

Now that I'm a real director,

I've gotta write a script
and hire a crew...

And hire your leading man?
You've come to the right place.

And I accept your offer.

We didn't come to you,
and there's no offer.

Wait! Maybe this is the one time

Barry would actually be helpful.

This is the one time, bro!

I've extensively studied
the work of Chuck Norris

and know what it takes to be
a badass action star.

Karate!

Stunts!

[Groans]

Acting.

Surprise! Anger!

Surprise! Anger!

And most important... love scene.

No. Please don't show us love scene.

Oh, sweet Lord.

He's never getting married.

Adam, a word.
Are you serious about this?

The guy's a moron.

- He's your son.
- That's how I know!

Trust me. Barry's gonna be amazing.

Also, I have no other options.

So do I have the part?

- No.
- Yes.

I see what's happening.
You're negotiating.

I will reduce my normal fee
of $1 million

and will work for free.

No, wait. $1,000!

No. I'll pay you!

Damn it. I blew it.

While Barry was preparing
for his new role,

my mom wasn't at all prepared
for Benetton.

Welcome to the future of clothing.

The United Colors of Benetton.

It's very bright and it smells weird.

Forget Gimbels.
This will be just as fun.

Hey. What's the one thing
you love doing most

when we go shopping?

Nodding yes or no as you try on outfits

like they do in the movies.

Well, then get ready to nod yes

because we have some shopping to do.

[Katrina & the Waves'
"Walking on Sunshine" plays]

Uh-uh.

- [Music cuts]
- Stop shaking no.

I need a yes. Shake yes!

I can't shake yes!

Just try!

It won't do it.
My neck loves Gimbels too much.

Well, I don't care
about your stupid neck

as long as your credit card is nodding.

I'm trying!

[Sighs] Perhaps a dollop of tuna salad

from the Benetton cafe
will calm my nerves.

There is no cafe.

Oh [bleep] no!

I will find tuna.

Give me [bleep] tuna!

What kind of store doesn't have tuna?

It was the morning of the shoot,

and while my star was ready to shine,

my dad was ready to pull the plug.

And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to...

Barry Norman Goldberg!

A lot of other actors
would say, "Thank you."

I'm saying, "You're welcome."

Hey, Barry, are you sure

this is how you want to spend
your Saturday?

Dude. This movie
is gonna be my calling card,

and it'll make
Jamie Lee Curtis notice me.

Don't tell Lainey!

No wait, tell her. She needs to know.

All right, first off,

I wouldn't rock the boat
of that relationship.

And secondly, I think I saw
your Jenkintown Boys Club

down at the Wawa parking lot.

The JTP? Who was leading them?

I don't know. Some new guy.

- Was it Dan?!
- Sure.

Stupid Dan!

I will challenge him
to a game of smashball

and reassert my dominance.

[Tires screech]

Turns out, when it
came to being a producer,

my dad knew how to get
exactly what he wanted.

Why would he pass
on the role of a lifetime?!

Why?! We're screwed blue!

We have no time to recast!

I'm way ahead of you.

Coach is here and ready for his closeup!

I am your clay.

Mold me.

Coach Mellor? He's our star?

Oh, yeah. I slipped him the script.

He responded to the material.

Well, I guess you're my only
option, so... you got the part.

You honor me.

Do you know your lines?

I memorized the whole script.
I love the zingers.

My favorite one... "See you ladle."

I like how you wrote "ladle"
instead of "later."

'Cause I'm a cook.

"See you ladle"? I-I didn't write that.

That'd be me. I did some noodling
with the script, partner.

Dad! You can't rewrite my script!

But you didn't have any snappy
one-liners like Arnold says.

That's the best part of an action movie.

Now you got a bunch of 'em.

Sear you later.

Spat-u-later.

Cheese ya grater.

They are all the same!

Dad, I appreciate the support,
but this is still my movie.

Hey. Everyone knows
that you're the creative vision

behind "Recipe for Death 2."

Two?! We haven't even filmed part one.

The best action movies
are always the sequel,

so we're just skipping ahead
to the good stuff.

Know what? We're a team.

The important thing here is
we're working on this together.

Pops, I need a new producer!

Huh? What am I producing?

- 80 bucks and no back talk.
- I'm in.

While I had found a way to
push my dad out of the picture,

Erica had finally found her new look.

Find everything you need?

[Grumbling] Mm. Eh.

We did. Thank you.

Whatever.

I have a coupon.

Oh. I'm sorry, this coupon
is for Gimbels.

Correct. It's a competitor's
coupon, so you match the price.

And when we're done here,
I'm gonna need this back

so I can use it at other stores.

Yeah, we don't really consider
Gimbels a competitor

because we're fresh
and cool and hip and fun,

and they're... closing.

Oh, God. Um. Just run
the credit-card machine thing.

Let me get this straight.

Benetton thinks it's better than Gimbels

because you have all these
glossy posters hanging around?

These kids were clearly dressed
against their will.

Come on, make the ch-chunk.

This is bull corn.

Okay. I'm going to have to ask you

to take your business elsewhere.

Ho-ho!

You're banning me from your store?

No-no, sister.

I'm banning you.

You can't ban me.

Oh, I just did.

You are Ban-itonned!

That's not a word.

Oh, it is now. I Bani-ton you

from having the pleasure of us
in your store, sucka!

Come on, Erica.

- The cu... I'm...
- No!

While my mom was making a scene,

I was directing a scene of my own.

We meet again, Blade.

Well, well, John Cook.

I'm surprised you survived
the series of traps

I set in my deadly labyrinth.

Well, I'm back, a...

And I'm ready to spoon-feed you
a delicious mouthful of pain.

I'll see ya ladle.

[Dramatic music plays]

Looking for something?

Cut! Cut. Cut.

You're not selling it, Dave Kim.

Think about how dumb your haircut is.

Use your pain.

- Gah! Steady up the boom, Taz.
- What's a boom?

It's the thing you're holding.

I kept whispering, "Boom" so
you'd raise it out of frame.

Oh! I thought you were going like,

"Boom! We just got another
great cinematic moment."

Ah. Wh-What's all this?

Oh! Hey! I thought sending you

to get donuts at the airport
would take much longer.

You're shooting movies without me?

Kinda.

I thought we were doing
this whole deal together.

Uh. I decided to go
with a different producer.

[Mumbling] I have no notes.

I love everything the kid does.

I don't get it.
You said you wanted my support.

I do! I-I did. I don't.

You can't give back support.

- I just did.
- No!

You keep the support!

And you're gonna get much more!

I'm gonna support you but good!

Don't you dare say that!

Oh, you heard me!
I'm a big blanket of support!

A big blanket!

- You monster.
- Fine! Do what you want.

Also, you got some kind of bag
so I can bring home this fruit?

- You sure about this?
- Oh, I'm sure.

My mom gets me banned from Benetton?

Then I'll just bring Benetton to me.

Uh, [scoffs] you can't just make
a sweater dress.

Can't I?

She could.

My sister had access

to the biggest, loudest
sweater collection

in the greater Philadelphia area.

She has a sweater

that celebrates the culture of sweaters?

My mind is melting!

Hey. This one shows promise.

Yeah, but those sleeves. Blech.

But...

if you took these sleeves

and the bottom half of this sparkly one,

that could totally be a dress!

And if you took the rhinestones
from this one...

And used this fringe and these ruffles

and these weird tiny pockets,
that would totally work!

So cute!

And so they sewed.

They searched. They glued.

They ripped, snipped, and glittered.

Okay. The big reveal.

Eat your heart out, Bene... Oh, my God!

This did not work!

No, it did not!

This does not look like Benetton!

No, it does not!

We need to cut up
more sweaters and fix it!

And so they did it again.

They sewed, they cut, they tore.

They generally made a mess...

until they got it just right.

[Voice breaking] I made it worse.

You really did!

Why?!

Why?!

[Gasps] My sweaters!

My glorious sweaters!

I'm realizing now this whole
thing got away from me.

Gimbels is out of business!

I can't replace them. They're all I had.

It's not my fault!

I mean, it is.

What I did sucks,
but what you did sucks, too!

You got me Ban-itonned!

That is not a word.

And I thought that
the most important thing

was us spending time together.

What mattered was the dress! Not you!

Fine.

[Smacks lips]

Go buy it.

Hope you feel good knowing
the real price you paid.

I think the price was her.

I know the price, Lainey!

It had been a day since me and my sister

tricked our parents into supporting us.

And now my mom and dad were
farther from us than ever.

Look at her. She's not even
Parming the shrimp.

Without her Parm,
it's just plain shrimp.

Wow, you really messed her up.

Wow, you really messed him up.

He's wearing pants and not
touching his rocky road?

This is bad.

This is awful.

All I wanted was for my mom
to leave me alone.

All I wanted was for my dad
to be a little more involved.

Now I've completely pushed him away.

I know this is the last thing
you want to hear,

but you've gotta figure out
a way to make her feel good.

Just figure out a way to get him back.

Damn it, why are you always right?

Damn it, you're right.

- 'Sup?
- What the...?

Wh-Where'd you come from?

Dad said Dan took over the JTP,

and I had to stop him at all costs.

- Who's Dan?
- No idea.

So I gave everyone in school
named Dan a wedgie.

Look. Movie's done, bro.

Damn you, Stallone!

I assume he took the part
after I fell out!

Get your coat. We're going shopping.

Nice try. I'm done being used
for my charge card.

Actually, this time it's my treat.

The Gimbels downtown store

is having a going-out-of-business sale.

One day only. Everything 50% off.

Big whoop. Sales come and go.

I also believe you've been collecting

a lifetime of coupons,
one of which is good

for 50% off your entire purchase.

Again, not interested.

You should also know that I
called my old Gimbels manager

and he said he would honor
my employee discount.

- [Mike & the Mec. "All I Need is a Miracle"]
- Another 50% off.

That's half of half of half off.

The shopping trifecta.

Only the luckiest yentas
ever get to see it.

I know I messed up.

But what do you say
we go do some damage?

Together.

Let's go make some memories!

-
All I need is a miracle

went on the shopping spree
of a lifetime.

Racks were emptied,
displays were toppled,

sweaters were replaced,
and carts were overflowing.

Go, go, go!

Housewares up ahead! I'm on it!

- [Music cuts out]
- The reason he's cheating on you

- is 'cause your house is so filthy.
- Right?

This is my mom's! All of these are!

-
All I need...

And if Gimbels wasn't
going out of business before,

they sure would have after my
mom and sister were done there.

Yes!

Ha-ha-ha! We did it! We did it!

Hey, can we talk?

No talk. I-I-I'm fine.

Well, then just sit in your chair.

I've never said no to that.

I-I wanna show you something.

That something was my very
first big-budget movie.

And I anxiously awaited
the first review.

Wow. Your movie turned out really good.

Our movie.

See you ladle.

[Thud]

Hey, you kept in my one-liners.

Yeah. You're a pretty good
producer after all.

Even though I kind of fired you,

it was really awesome
having your support.

[Sighs]

You know I'm not the kind of dad

who cheers and screams
from the sidelines.

But it's really important
for you to know

that I'll always be rooting for you.

Always.

That day, my mom got her
picture-perfect ending.

Just not in the way she thought.

'Cause in the end,

it's not about the costumes
or the music...

or the explosions, for that matter.

It's the characters.

And in our house, you never
had to look too far...

I don't know how you did that.

...to find the perfect cast.

_

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

See you ladle!

My dad has a seriously freaky talent

of making action-movie zingers. Watch.

Hey, Dad. What would Arnold say
if he threw a guy off a cliff?

"My favorite season is fall."
"You've been grounded."

"It's a bird, it's a plane,
it's a dead guy."

"Surprise! Hope you weren't thrown."

What would Arnold say to a guy
he just fed to a lion?

"Pleased to eat you."

"This won't hurt, or am I lyin'?"

"Show some pride." What would Arnold say

if he just ripped a guy's heart out?

"You're under cardiac arrest."

"Be my Valentine."

"Don't be so heartless."

He could be an action star.

Bevy! I need your strong fingers!

Or maybe not.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

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