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Adult Adam: Back in the '80s,
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00:00:01,125 --> 00:00:03,733
everyone had their favorite
guitar-shredding rock god.
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00:00:03,758 --> 00:00:05,756
But there's only one musical bad boy
4
00:00:05,781 --> 00:00:06,734
who rocked my world...
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00:00:08,188 --> 00:00:09,375
Weird Al.
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00:00:09,489 --> 00:00:10,822
Dare to be stupid?
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You know it!
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00:00:11,814 --> 00:00:13,554
Weird Al made me want to write comedy.
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00:00:13,579 --> 00:00:16,482
The way he'd parody a pop song
never ceased to amaze me.
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00:00:16,507 --> 00:00:18,141
Is that my Cher wig from Halloween?
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Darn right.
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Can I borrow some hair spray?
I think I need more body.
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00:00:21,323 --> 00:00:22,755
You are so weird.
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00:00:22,791 --> 00:00:25,546
Weird Al even inspired me
to write my own parody songs.
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00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:26,403
Good news, bro.
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I've decided to honor you in song.
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00:00:27,796 --> 00:00:29,062
It's about time!
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00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,331
You know the Wang Chung song
"Everybody have fun tonight"?
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00:00:31,366 --> 00:00:33,599
Well, I changed all the lyrics
to make them all about you.
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00:00:33,635 --> 00:00:36,178
Ahh, you've improved
the song. Let's hear it.
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00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:39,372
Everybody have fun tonight
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00:00:39,468 --> 00:00:42,108
my brother Barry is a Wang tonight
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Barry's gonna kick your ass tonight
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00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:46,612
Yep, Weird Al was my comic muse,
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00:00:46,648 --> 00:00:49,048
and I finally had
the chance to see him live.
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00:00:49,084 --> 00:00:52,373
Mom, I have the single-greatest
news on the planet.
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00:00:52,398 --> 00:00:54,359
You have that terrible disease
that makes you stop growing,
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00:00:54,384 --> 00:00:56,723
and you're gonna stay my
little Schmoopie forever.
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00:00:56,758 --> 00:00:59,425
No. Weird Al is playing
at the Mann music center.
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00:00:59,461 --> 00:01:01,921
And you want to take your
mama as your date. Aww.
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00:01:02,046 --> 00:01:04,330
Stop hearing what you want and listen.
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He has two shows this week,
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and Dana's in town visiting her grandma.
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I'll surprise her with tickets!
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While I find his Hawaiian shirts festive.
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You're much too young
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to go to a family-friendly
comedy show unsupervised.
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00:01:14,943 --> 00:01:17,750
Please, you have to say yes.
Dana's the love of my life.
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[Groans]
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I mean, after you.
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[Groans]
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The best mama in the world.
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[Groans]
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I'll let you sniff the top
of my head for two seconds.
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- 30.
- 5.
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- 10.
- 5.
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- 30.
- Done.
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I'm twisted up inside
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but nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
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Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
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I don't know the future
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00:01:39,341 --> 00:01:42,906
but the past keeps getting
clearer every day
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It was February 12, 1980-something...
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00:01:45,948 --> 00:01:48,582
The day my brother actually
got involved in school.
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00:01:48,617 --> 00:01:50,717
- What's that?
- Just a lame old sign-up sheet
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for kids that want to
become peer counselors.
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00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:55,956
[Chuckles] It's a boring
old club for nerds.
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You're not a nerd, are you?
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'Cause this here... This is nerd city.
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Sign me up.
- What? No.
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You're underselling it,
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00:02:03,065 --> 00:02:04,765
which means it's awesome, and I want in.
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00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:05,945
[Sighs]
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00:02:05,970 --> 00:02:08,368
Look, Mr. Goldberg, I
have dreamt of starting
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00:02:08,404 --> 00:02:11,062
a peer-counseling program
at this school for years.
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00:02:11,171 --> 00:02:13,040
I need emotionally mature students
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00:02:13,075 --> 00:02:14,708
who are a healing presence in school.
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00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:16,343
Well, you just got yourself
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00:02:16,378 --> 00:02:18,879
an officially licensed school therapist.
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00:02:18,914 --> 00:02:21,548
No! Wow. Do not tell people that.
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It's too late. I signed the sheet,
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which means I can advise
anyone on anything,
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00:02:26,055 --> 00:02:27,854
and they have to listen to me.
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00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:29,623
That's not what it means.
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00:02:29,658 --> 00:02:32,993
Fellas, I've recently become
a fully licensed and bonded
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00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,529
medical psychiatrist,
so if any of you want
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00:02:35,564 --> 00:02:37,864
to work through your personal
issues, this is your safe space.
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I really miss my grandpa.
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00:02:39,235 --> 00:02:41,268
You're short, be taller. Boom. Next!
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00:02:41,303 --> 00:02:42,402
There's this girl I like,
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00:02:42,438 --> 00:02:43,937
but she won't give me the time of day.
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00:02:43,973 --> 00:02:46,306
Well, that's 'cause you
suck at nunchucks, Bro.
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The fastest way to a girl's
heart is some sweet 'chuckin'.
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Boom. Next!
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00:02:50,412 --> 00:02:51,845
I feel like my father doesn't respect me.
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00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,113
So be less boring.
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- Boom! Next!
- No, stop!
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00:02:54,732 --> 00:02:57,084
No one listen to a word
this douche-monger just said.
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00:02:57,119 --> 00:02:59,119
Naked Rob, just open up to your Dad a bit.
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00:02:59,154 --> 00:03:00,487
Nothing earns respect more
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00:03:00,522 --> 00:03:02,089
than being honest with how you feel.
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00:03:02,124 --> 00:03:04,725
And, Andy, it's perfectly
normal to miss your grandpa,
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00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:05,859
no matter what size you are.
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00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:08,095
And, you, this girl, who's clearly me,
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00:03:08,130 --> 00:03:09,396
just wants to be friends.
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00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:12,099
My heart hurts, but I appreciate
the open communication,
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00:03:12,134 --> 00:03:13,748
and it only makes me like you more.
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00:03:13,773 --> 00:03:14,873
Well, well.
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00:03:15,053 --> 00:03:17,638
God gives you one Goldberg
and counters it with another.
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00:03:17,673 --> 00:03:19,273
You're right. She's the worst.
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JTP out.
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00:03:20,676 --> 00:03:23,043
Erica, look, I'm not gonna
beat around the bush about this.
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I need you to become a peer counselor.
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You're smart, you're
popular, and only you can undo
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the terrible damage that your brother
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is going to wreak upon this school.
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00:03:30,986 --> 00:03:32,386
I appreciate the offer, but...
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00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,288
I'll give you an "A"
in any class you want.
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00:03:34,323 --> 00:03:35,789
What? You can do that?
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Open up a file cabinet and
make a mark with my pen?
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00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:39,881
[Chuckles] Yeah, I can do that.
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Seems wrong to give me an "A" in gym
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when I've been cutting all year.
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That said, I won't notice
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'cause I'll be too busy
counseling peers and stuff.
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[Chuckles] Deal.
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[Milk carton clatters] Here's
your informational binder
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and your therapy puppet.
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00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:54,675
This is usually for smaller kids,
121
00:03:54,710 --> 00:03:56,748
but the burners like it, too. [Chuckles]
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As Erica was getting ready
to connect with others,
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00:03:59,318 --> 00:04:01,815
I was about to reconnect
with the love of my life.
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00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:02,749
Hi, Mrs. Goldberg.
125
00:04:03,178 --> 00:04:04,115
Dana.
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00:04:05,154 --> 00:04:06,987
I brought you some coffee
beans from Seattle.
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00:04:07,022 --> 00:04:11,191
Aww. That is so thoughtful
for someone who drinks coffee.
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00:04:11,226 --> 00:04:12,659
I don't. I'm a tea drinker.
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00:04:12,695 --> 00:04:13,994
You've known me for two years,
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00:04:14,029 --> 00:04:15,962
but thanks for the partial gift, Dana.
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00:04:15,998 --> 00:04:17,331
That's very sweet. [Chuckles]
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00:04:17,366 --> 00:04:20,200
Adam, Dana brought me a bag of beans!
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00:04:20,235 --> 00:04:24,004
Dana Eleanor Caldwell, are you
ready for the greatest,
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00:04:24,039 --> 00:04:26,039
most-romantic weekend of your life?
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00:04:26,075 --> 00:04:28,909
[Giggles] In this box,
I've prepared our greatest hits,
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00:04:28,944 --> 00:04:30,842
and we're gonna tackle each one.
137
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Laser tag, "Alf" marathon,
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00:04:34,717 --> 00:04:36,316
"Super Mario Bros.",
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00:04:36,385 --> 00:04:38,185
Pogo Ball.
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00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:39,318
You in?
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00:04:39,428 --> 00:04:40,645
Um, sure, it's been a while.
142
00:04:40,689 --> 00:04:43,323
Come on! Pogo balling
is just like riding a bike.
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00:04:43,359 --> 00:04:45,759
Oh! We should also ride bikes.
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00:04:45,794 --> 00:04:47,160
Classic us. [Giggles]
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00:04:48,318 --> 00:04:49,660
But to our surprise,
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our greatest hits suddenly
felt like misses.
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00:04:52,301 --> 00:04:53,767
Pogoing on a ball is fun.
148
00:04:53,802 --> 00:04:56,136
Well, it's kind of hard in these jellies.
149
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,038
But they're cute, right? [Chuckles]
150
00:04:58,073 --> 00:04:59,506
Yeah, they're shoes.
151
00:04:59,541 --> 00:05:00,941
We were off to a slow start,
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00:05:00,976 --> 00:05:03,543
but a romantic Beefaroni
dinner would change that.
153
00:05:03,579 --> 00:05:05,479
Is it me, or did your tree
house get smaller?
154
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:06,857
No. Same size.
155
00:05:07,216 --> 00:05:09,383
Guess it's us who got bigger.
156
00:05:11,123 --> 00:05:12,443
You want an Ecto cooler?
157
00:05:12,468 --> 00:05:15,146
Chef Boyardee himself
recommends it with the beef.
158
00:05:15,173 --> 00:05:17,207
Yeah, I'm just gonna grab a Perrier.
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00:05:18,594 --> 00:05:19,826
Balls!
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00:05:21,803 --> 00:05:24,331
Maybe I should spend
a little time with my grandma.
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00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:25,366
No, wait!
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00:05:25,401 --> 00:05:27,107
I actually have a big surprise for you.
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You and me are going to our first
rock concert together!
164
00:05:30,984 --> 00:05:32,435
No way! Who is it?
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00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:34,541
Only the greatest artist of our time.
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00:05:34,566 --> 00:05:35,308
- Madonna?
- Better!
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00:05:35,344 --> 00:05:36,076
- The police?
- Better!
168
00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:36,977
Michael Jackson?!
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00:05:37,012 --> 00:05:38,278
Well, he's worked with all three,
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00:05:38,313 --> 00:05:39,646
but in a way, he's improved their work
171
00:05:39,681 --> 00:05:40,947
by making it super funny!
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00:05:40,983 --> 00:05:42,893
[Gasps] Weird Al Yankovic!
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00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:45,819
The guy who sings about food.
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00:05:45,854 --> 00:05:49,456
Sure, some songs are about food,
like "Eat It", "Lasagna",
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00:05:49,491 --> 00:05:52,025
"I Love Rocky Road", and "My Bologna".
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00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:55,562
But he also sings about love
and life and hernias!
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00:05:55,597 --> 00:05:57,931
I didn't realize you were still into him.
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00:05:57,966 --> 00:05:59,021
And the best part...
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00:05:59,046 --> 00:06:01,601
I got us Al shirts to wear to the concert.
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00:06:01,810 --> 00:06:03,162
Ladies' choice. [Chuckles]
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00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,304
But if I were a lady,
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00:06:04,339 --> 00:06:06,840
I'd want to see my man
in a jungle tiger pattern.
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00:06:07,170 --> 00:06:07,959
Rawr!
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00:06:07,984 --> 00:06:09,709
As I was planning our big date,
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00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,945
Erica helped Naked Rob
make a big breakthrough.
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00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:14,201
I can't thank you enough
for all the help with my dad.
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00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:16,383
I really think we turned a corner.
188
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,753
That's my job, Naked
Robert. I'm here for you.
189
00:06:19,788 --> 00:06:21,553
So great to have someone
I can trust and...
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00:06:21,578 --> 00:06:23,523
- How dare you!
- What?!
191
00:06:23,559 --> 00:06:26,526
Healing my nutjob friends behind my back?
192
00:06:26,562 --> 00:06:28,199
You're not legally authorized for that.
193
00:06:28,224 --> 00:06:29,937
- Only I am!
- Not anymore, pal.
194
00:06:29,965 --> 00:06:32,065
Mr. Glascott asked me, and you know what?
195
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,201
It feels awesome to actually help people.
196
00:06:34,236 --> 00:06:37,070
Unlike you, who just leaves
behind a wake of broken souls.
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00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,407
All you did was charm Naked
Rob with your feminine wiles.
198
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,609
If it was anyone else, I'd
totally out-counsel you.
199
00:06:42,644 --> 00:06:43,977
It's adorable you think that.
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00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:46,112
Then I challenge you to a counsel-off.
201
00:06:46,148 --> 00:06:47,380
Name anyone.
202
00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:49,316
First one to fix that person's brain
203
00:06:49,351 --> 00:06:51,485
is crowned champion advicer.
204
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,019
First of all, not a word,
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00:06:53,055 --> 00:06:55,388
and second, when you lose, you quit.
206
00:06:55,424 --> 00:06:56,890
Same goes for you, sucker.
207
00:06:56,925 --> 00:06:58,625
Go ahead. Pick anybody.
208
00:06:58,660 --> 00:06:59,926
The more depressed, the better.
209
00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:02,184
Do you even know what the signs
of depression actually are?
210
00:07:02,209 --> 00:07:03,162
Of course!
211
00:07:03,187 --> 00:07:06,199
I just need you to say them so
you can understand them better.
212
00:07:06,235 --> 00:07:08,935
[Sighs] Fine. Number one... fatigue.
213
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:12,138
Will you two stop yapping?
I'm exhausted from a hard day.
214
00:07:12,174 --> 00:07:13,807
Number two... lethargy.
215
00:07:13,842 --> 00:07:15,442
[Groaning] Oh, so far.
216
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:16,843
Number three... Irritability.
217
00:07:16,879 --> 00:07:21,314
I told you two morons... put
the remote in the side pocket!
218
00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:23,183
Four... persistent aches and pains.
219
00:07:23,218 --> 00:07:27,220
[Groans] Oh, now I hurt
my back from stretching!
220
00:07:27,256 --> 00:07:28,303
Five... mood swings.
221
00:07:28,328 --> 00:07:30,090
Eh, "Love Boat's" on!
222
00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:32,359
And finally, sudden exhaustion.
223
00:07:32,394 --> 00:07:33,894
[Snoring]
224
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:34,991
- Dad!
- Dad!
225
00:07:35,016 --> 00:07:36,196
All right, first one to fix
226
00:07:36,231 --> 00:07:37,898
that man's crippling depression wins.
227
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,232
This is gonna be really hard.
228
00:07:39,266 --> 00:07:39,670
[Snoring]
229
00:07:40,756 --> 00:07:42,769
As Erica and Barry
were playing therapist,
230
00:07:42,804 --> 00:07:44,604
Dana and I were playing
"Mario Brothers",
231
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,406
but even though we
were on the same side,
232
00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:47,908
we felt miles apart.
233
00:07:47,943 --> 00:07:50,176
Hey, snuggle bunny... and also Dana.
234
00:07:50,212 --> 00:07:51,978
Gear up, we're gonna
leave in five minutes.
235
00:07:52,444 --> 00:07:53,914
Even though we all agree
236
00:07:53,949 --> 00:07:57,150
Adam should be taking me
to his first comedy concert.
237
00:07:57,185 --> 00:08:00,020
The good news is Adam will
be all yours soon enough.
238
00:08:00,055 --> 00:08:01,288
What do you mean?
239
00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:04,053
Look at how they're playing
"Super Immigrant Plumbers."
240
00:08:04,078 --> 00:08:06,626
Their thumbs are in it,
but their hearts aren't.
241
00:08:06,662 --> 00:08:09,629
No way. Adam and Dana
are as solid as ever.
242
00:08:09,665 --> 00:08:11,364
Did you see them Pogo Ball?
243
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,033
That's a sport for lovers,
244
00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:15,435
and they were just going
through the motions.
245
00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:17,837
Oh, my god. No!
246
00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,881
Adam and Dana are so wonderful together!
247
00:08:19,906 --> 00:08:21,575
Since when do you like Dana?
248
00:08:21,610 --> 00:08:22,733
I adore the girl.
249
00:08:22,780 --> 00:08:24,528
Got to say, I'm surprised,
250
00:08:24,553 --> 00:08:27,208
given all the
passive-aggressive interactions,
251
00:08:27,251 --> 00:08:29,985
not to mention the
aggressive-aggressive ones.
252
00:08:30,021 --> 00:08:34,523
But deep down, I think she's
sweet and kind and beautiful,
253
00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,259
and it helps that she
lives 3,000 miles away
254
00:08:37,295 --> 00:08:39,662
and I get Adam 98% of the time!
255
00:08:39,697 --> 00:08:42,097
That's the whole problem
right there, Bevy.
256
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:43,741
They've been apart too long.
257
00:08:44,135 --> 00:08:46,435
Let's hope that Weird
Al is just what they need
258
00:08:46,471 --> 00:08:47,803
to bring them back together.
259
00:08:48,498 --> 00:08:49,171
What?
260
00:08:49,207 --> 00:08:50,806
[Crowd chanting "Weird Al!"]
261
00:08:50,842 --> 00:08:54,710
Man: Ladies and gentlemen, Weird Al!
262
00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:55,644
[Cheers and applause]
263
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,246
Oh, my god. This is amazing!
264
00:08:57,281 --> 00:08:58,747
We got to get a photo of the two of us.
265
00:08:58,783 --> 00:09:00,449
Yeah, that'd be nice!
266
00:09:00,485 --> 00:09:02,618
Make sure you get Weird
Al's whole body in it.
267
00:09:02,653 --> 00:09:05,254
268
00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:06,289
[Camera shutter clicks]
269
00:09:10,428 --> 00:09:12,419
Barry and Erica's
counsel-off was on.
270
00:09:12,444 --> 00:09:16,208
It was a Mano-a-Mano battle
of who could fix Dad first.
271
00:09:16,233 --> 00:09:18,666
Hey, big guy.
272
00:09:18,702 --> 00:09:20,401
How you feeling today? You look sad.
273
00:09:20,437 --> 00:09:21,669
Are you sad? Can I help?
274
00:09:21,705 --> 00:09:22,637
I'm not giving you money.
275
00:09:22,672 --> 00:09:24,239
I'm not here for money.
276
00:09:24,274 --> 00:09:25,507
I'm here for you.
277
00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:26,875
You're afraid to open up to me.
278
00:09:26,910 --> 00:09:29,577
Feels like we can tackle this
with some word association.
279
00:09:29,613 --> 00:09:30,745
- You ready?
- No.
280
00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:32,080
- Abandonment.
- Stop.
281
00:09:32,115 --> 00:09:33,081
- Family.
- Go.
282
00:09:33,116 --> 00:09:34,382
- Love.
- Leave!
283
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:36,584
You seem angry, Bro.
284
00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:38,453
Know what cures me when I'm angry?
285
00:09:38,488 --> 00:09:40,021
Screaming into something.
286
00:09:40,056 --> 00:09:41,923
Here. Try my rage pillow.
287
00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:43,458
It'll make you feel better.
288
00:09:43,493 --> 00:09:46,060
What? You're supposed to yell
in it, not throw it at me!
289
00:09:46,096 --> 00:09:47,962
What's the matter with you?
That's my favorite pillow!
290
00:09:47,998 --> 00:09:49,240
I do feel better.
291
00:09:49,766 --> 00:09:50,766
Hey, mur-man.
292
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,867
It's safe to tell me your dark secrets.
293
00:09:52,903 --> 00:09:54,402
What's with the puppet? What's going on?
294
00:09:54,437 --> 00:09:55,470
Get out of here!
295
00:09:55,505 --> 00:09:58,773
You're getting sleepy. When you wake up...
296
00:09:58,808 --> 00:10:00,842
What the hell's wrong with you two?
297
00:10:00,877 --> 00:10:02,710
Forget what that dope's doing.
298
00:10:02,746 --> 00:10:04,846
All I'm looking for is
a smile on your face.
299
00:10:04,881 --> 00:10:05,914
Let me see that smile.
300
00:10:05,949 --> 00:10:06,981
Yeah, smile for Barry.
301
00:10:07,017 --> 00:10:07,882
No. Shut up.
302
00:10:07,918 --> 00:10:08,750
Smile for Erica!
303
00:10:08,785 --> 00:10:09,785
Fine.
304
00:10:09,819 --> 00:10:12,587
If I smile, will you both leave?
305
00:10:12,622 --> 00:10:14,122
Mm-hmm.
306
00:10:15,892 --> 00:10:17,525
That's your smile? God, what is that?
307
00:10:17,561 --> 00:10:19,260
- Why?
- Yeah, this is what you wanted.
308
00:10:19,296 --> 00:10:20,461
It's so wrong and disturbing!
309
00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:21,796
- Look at it!
- Stop it!
310
00:10:21,831 --> 00:10:23,164
Look at the joy on my face!
311
00:10:23,199 --> 00:10:24,065
Are you my dad?
312
00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:25,700
Now get over here and hug me!
313
00:10:25,735 --> 00:10:27,201
This was a terrible mistake! I'm so sorry!
314
00:10:27,237 --> 00:10:28,770
No, wait! Don't leave
me alone with that face!
315
00:10:28,805 --> 00:10:29,671
Oh, my god!
316
00:10:29,706 --> 00:10:31,146
That's right! Run!
317
00:10:31,171 --> 00:10:32,574
Okay, that didn't count.
318
00:10:32,609 --> 00:10:34,509
Just pick someone else
we can counselor-ate.
319
00:10:34,544 --> 00:10:35,910
Forget the competition!
320
00:10:35,946 --> 00:10:38,947
Don't you realize we have
a Dad who can't even smile?
321
00:10:38,982 --> 00:10:40,848
That's like an actual problem.
322
00:10:40,884 --> 00:10:42,279
I see what you're saying.
323
00:10:42,304 --> 00:10:44,152
You forfeit! Barry
wins. The puppet's mine.
324
00:10:44,187 --> 00:10:45,887
- Forget the puppet!
- I want the puppet!
325
00:10:45,922 --> 00:10:47,221
Take the stupid puppet.
326
00:10:47,257 --> 00:10:48,656
I'll just help Dad myself.
327
00:10:48,684 --> 00:10:51,098
Damn it. You've made
this a hollow victory.
328
00:10:51,123 --> 00:10:52,677
And now I'm worried. Wait up.
329
00:10:52,702 --> 00:10:55,430
As Barry and Erica were on
a mission to help my dad,
330
00:10:55,465 --> 00:10:57,632
I was on a mission to meet my hero.
331
00:10:57,667 --> 00:10:59,000
[Cheers and applause] Look! There he is!
332
00:10:59,035 --> 00:11:01,369
His glasses are so much
bigger in real life.
333
00:11:01,404 --> 00:11:03,738
People, please, please,
please, settle down.
334
00:11:03,773 --> 00:11:05,239
No, we're too far back.
335
00:11:05,275 --> 00:11:07,175
Come on. Let's elbow our way to the front.
336
00:11:07,210 --> 00:11:09,410
Can we maybe just do
something more fun instead?
337
00:11:09,446 --> 00:11:10,446
How can you say that?
338
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,013
Wasn't it fun when we slow-danced
339
00:11:12,048 --> 00:11:13,448
to "I Think I'm A Clone Now"?
340
00:11:13,483 --> 00:11:15,703
Only 'cause I like the Tiffany song.
341
00:11:15,828 --> 00:11:18,152
I closed my eyes and
imagined the original lyrics.
342
00:11:18,188 --> 00:11:19,354
You faked it?
343
00:11:19,389 --> 00:11:21,556
I just don't like Weird
Al like I used to, okay?
344
00:11:21,591 --> 00:11:22,790
Ouch!
345
00:11:22,826 --> 00:11:24,425
Not gonna lie, random child.
346
00:11:24,461 --> 00:11:25,426
That stings.
347
00:11:25,462 --> 00:11:27,495
Oh, god. I'm sorry, Mr. Weird.
348
00:11:27,530 --> 00:11:29,263
Mr. Al. She didn't mean it.
349
00:11:29,299 --> 00:11:30,398
Sounded like she did, Bro.
350
00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:31,699
Please don't judge me by her words.
351
00:11:31,735 --> 00:11:33,401
I don't even know her. Adam!
352
00:11:33,436 --> 00:11:35,503
How do you know my name, strange lady?
353
00:11:35,538 --> 00:11:37,839
Seriously? You're picking him over me?
354
00:11:37,874 --> 00:11:38,940
I don't know what to do!
355
00:11:38,975 --> 00:11:40,308
I've never been asked to choose between
356
00:11:40,343 --> 00:11:41,843
two people I love equally.
357
00:11:41,878 --> 00:11:43,277
I'm so out of here.
358
00:11:43,711 --> 00:11:45,413
Fine! Go!
359
00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:47,946
I'll just be here cold chillin'
with my new best buddy, Al.
360
00:11:48,071 --> 00:11:49,017
Ooh.
361
00:11:49,052 --> 00:11:51,552
[Laughing] I really wouldn't
make me part of your plan.
362
00:11:51,588 --> 00:11:54,389
Look. I didn't even want to be here.
363
00:11:54,424 --> 00:11:55,590
I just wanted to hang out,
364
00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:59,293
not ride bikes or play
laser tag or Pogo ball.
365
00:11:59,329 --> 00:12:00,461
What are you saying?
366
00:12:00,497 --> 00:12:03,631
I just don't think we
get each other anymore.
367
00:12:06,110 --> 00:12:06,744
Ooh!
368
00:12:06,779 --> 00:12:09,847
She looks super mad!
369
00:12:10,391 --> 00:12:11,782
Kind of like that time I asked prince
370
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:17,254
if I could turn "When Doves
Cry" into "When Spuds Fry."
371
00:12:18,094 --> 00:12:19,133
You know, spuds are potatoes.
372
00:12:19,157 --> 00:12:20,423
No, I-it's genius.
373
00:12:20,458 --> 00:12:23,092
It's just... things are so bad with Dana.
374
00:12:23,127 --> 00:12:24,660
You know, sounds to me like
375
00:12:24,696 --> 00:12:27,229
you and Agnes just drifted apart.
376
00:12:27,586 --> 00:12:29,565
Doesn't mean you don't
love each other, Todd.
377
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,767
You just grew up.
378
00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:35,004
As Dana was slipping away,
Erica and Barry were trying
379
00:12:35,039 --> 00:12:36,806
to get a grip on my
dad's depression.
380
00:12:36,841 --> 00:12:39,508
You kids made the right
choice coming to old Glascott.
381
00:12:39,544 --> 00:12:40,710
Let's do this.
382
00:12:40,745 --> 00:12:43,112
Well, technically, we came
to you for a recommendation.
383
00:12:43,147 --> 00:12:44,947
And I recommended myself.
384
00:12:44,982 --> 00:12:47,416
I come highly recommended. [Chuckles]
385
00:12:47,452 --> 00:12:50,119
Look, if anyone knows the
ins and outs of depression,
386
00:12:50,154 --> 00:12:51,520
it's me.
387
00:12:51,556 --> 00:12:54,190
I'm proud to say that I've
slayed that dragon many a time.
388
00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:56,211
Dad's coming down the
hall. Get in position.
389
00:12:58,096 --> 00:12:58,994
Mr. Goldberg.
390
00:12:59,063 --> 00:13:00,396
Got your call.
391
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:02,975
What'd these morons do that
I had to leave work early?
392
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,300
Please, have a seat, Mr. Goldberg.
393
00:13:04,335 --> 00:13:07,336
We need to have a very serious
discussion about you.
394
00:13:07,759 --> 00:13:08,203
Me?
395
00:13:08,243 --> 00:13:09,342
Your kids are concerned
396
00:13:09,377 --> 00:13:10,993
that you might have a
real case of the blues.
397
00:13:11,149 --> 00:13:14,047
Luckily, I'm here to help, and so is Carl.
398
00:13:14,082 --> 00:13:17,317
He's a real sad sack, too.
Why don't you two talk?
399
00:13:17,594 --> 00:13:18,818
[High-pitched voice] Hey, Mr. Goldberg.
400
00:13:19,063 --> 00:13:20,015
What's up, buddy?
401
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,339
What's with everybody and puppets?!
402
00:13:21,374 --> 00:13:22,640
You can talk to me.
403
00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:24,071
Is that what this is all about?
404
00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:25,233
You're worried about me?
405
00:13:25,269 --> 00:13:27,869
You're very moody and sleepy and angry.
406
00:13:27,905 --> 00:13:28,905
And you sit a lot.
407
00:13:28,939 --> 00:13:30,609
I'm not depressed.
408
00:13:30,812 --> 00:13:31,960
I'm a Dad!
409
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:32,774
[Normal voice] Let me get this straight.
410
00:13:32,799 --> 00:13:34,571
You don't struggle getting
out of bed every morning
411
00:13:34,610 --> 00:13:35,743
- because, what's the point?
- No.
412
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:39,007
You don't desperately fear being
alone again at Thanksgiving?
413
00:13:39,032 --> 00:13:39,414
No.
414
00:13:39,439 --> 00:13:41,507
You've never faced the
bottom of an ice-cream pint
415
00:13:41,532 --> 00:13:42,712
and thought, "Screw it. I'm going again"?
416
00:13:42,748 --> 00:13:45,741
No. You don't write "Help me"
417
00:13:45,766 --> 00:13:47,327
in steam on the shower door?
418
00:13:47,352 --> 00:13:48,518
- What?
- Nothing.
419
00:13:48,553 --> 00:13:49,282
Okay, well, look.
420
00:13:49,321 --> 00:13:51,175
I'm glad that we could
help you, Mr. Goldberg.
421
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,320
If you guys don't mind, I
need to take a personal day.
422
00:13:54,430 --> 00:13:56,352
Hey, kiddo.
423
00:13:56,555 --> 00:13:58,266
I know you're hurting,
but you're never gonna
424
00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:01,232
be over one girl until
you're under the next.
425
00:14:01,267 --> 00:14:03,827
Whoa! Shut the [Bleep] up, Dad.
426
00:14:03,852 --> 00:14:06,404
What he means is don't give up on Dana.
427
00:14:06,439 --> 00:14:08,483
We can still fix this.
428
00:14:08,508 --> 00:14:11,397
But Al's my number-one hero,
and I believe anything he says.
429
00:14:11,422 --> 00:14:13,803
What exactly did Weird Al say to you?
430
00:14:13,828 --> 00:14:15,746
All that matters is that he was right.
431
00:14:16,047 --> 00:14:17,882
People change and love dies.
432
00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:20,695
At that moment, all my mom wanted
433
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:21,703
was to fix my broken heart.
434
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:23,493
And so she did the
only logical thing.
435
00:14:23,528 --> 00:14:26,329
Weird Al! Over here, Weird Al!
436
00:14:26,364 --> 00:14:28,765
We need to talk! It's about love!
437
00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:30,585
[Clatters] Who said that?
438
00:14:30,610 --> 00:14:31,968
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
439
00:14:32,003 --> 00:14:34,037
Who is this who speaks of love?
440
00:14:34,072 --> 00:14:36,740
[Sighs] Beverly Goldberg.
441
00:14:36,775 --> 00:14:38,819
I'm sure you remember
my delicious boy, Adam.
442
00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:39,976
Of course.
443
00:14:40,011 --> 00:14:42,946
Super-tall mute dude with
dreadlocks and a droopy eye?
444
00:14:43,364 --> 00:14:44,364
Please tell him I said...
445
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:46,680
No, look.
446
00:14:46,705 --> 00:14:48,796
You made him think his
relationship was over,
447
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,120
and now you're gonna fix it.
448
00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:52,016
It's not happening. Oh, it's happening.
449
00:14:52,110 --> 00:14:53,623
You're gonna get on that tour bus,
450
00:14:53,658 --> 00:14:56,392
take it into the suburbs,
and put on a private concert
451
00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:58,399
for Adam and Dana with
all their favorite songs.
452
00:14:58,532 --> 00:14:59,028
Such as?
453
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,230
"Every Rose Has Tts Thorn".
454
00:15:00,265 --> 00:15:01,464
"Every Toe Has Its Corn"?
455
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,032
"The Wind Beneath My Wings".
456
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,768
"The Bed Above My Springs".
457
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:05,568
"Material Girl".
458
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:06,903
"Bacterial Earl"!
459
00:15:06,938 --> 00:15:08,505
"Heaven Is A Place On Earth".
460
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:10,442
"Kevin Is A Dude With Girth".
461
00:15:10,467 --> 00:15:11,307
"Careless Whisper".
462
00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:12,642
"Your Hairless Sister".
463
00:15:12,881 --> 00:15:13,777
"Fight The Power".
464
00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:15,278
"Smell The Flounder"?
465
00:15:15,313 --> 00:15:16,373
- Stop it.
- Listen.
466
00:15:16,413 --> 00:15:19,022
A private concert isn't gonna
bring those kids back together.
467
00:15:19,436 --> 00:15:20,715
But do you know what can?
468
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:22,542
A mother's love.
469
00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:24,244
You think?
470
00:15:24,279 --> 00:15:25,405
Yes.
471
00:15:25,430 --> 00:15:28,031
Only you can fix this.
472
00:15:28,183 --> 00:15:31,318
Their future is in your hands.
473
00:15:31,353 --> 00:15:32,853
Thank you, Weird Al.
474
00:15:32,888 --> 00:15:35,188
Thank you so much.
475
00:15:35,224 --> 00:15:36,289
[Giggles]
476
00:15:36,325 --> 00:15:38,792
Move it! I need to fix
my baby's relationship.
477
00:15:38,817 --> 00:15:42,005
Okay, why do I even pay for security?!
478
00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:45,684
She was clearly crazy, and
you just stood there! Ugh!
479
00:15:46,505 --> 00:15:48,668
After some sage
advice from Weird Al,
480
00:15:48,693 --> 00:15:51,035
my mom decided to put
on a show of her own.
481
00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:53,160
There he is! Come on in, Smushie.
482
00:15:53,195 --> 00:15:54,929
You know Dana. Have a seat.
483
00:15:54,964 --> 00:15:56,797
Oh, god. What have you done?
484
00:15:56,832 --> 00:15:58,332
What is this? Why are you here?
485
00:15:58,367 --> 00:16:00,401
All I'm asking is for
a minute of your time.
486
00:16:00,436 --> 00:16:02,603
After that, you can both
move on with your lives.
487
00:16:02,638 --> 00:16:03,771
Please.
488
00:16:03,806 --> 00:16:05,572
489
00:16:05,608 --> 00:16:07,041
Now, what I'm about to show you
490
00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:08,575
was gonna be played at your wedding,
491
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:11,045
so when the day comes, act surprised.
492
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,813
[Chuckles]
493
00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:14,137
Remember this?
494
00:16:14,162 --> 00:16:15,228
Dana: Wow, I actually do.
495
00:16:15,318 --> 00:16:17,851
I lost my kite, and you gave me yours.
496
00:16:17,887 --> 00:16:19,820
I was so nervous talking to you.
497
00:16:21,824 --> 00:16:23,824
That was the night of our first kiss.
498
00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:26,393
Yeah. Best birthday ever.
499
00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:28,972
Wait. Were you, like,
lurking around the whole time?
500
00:16:28,997 --> 00:16:29,596
No.
501
00:16:29,632 --> 00:16:31,799
Then how did you... Moving on.
502
00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:33,667
Dude, were you spying on us?
503
00:16:33,703 --> 00:16:34,935
What? No.
504
00:16:34,971 --> 00:16:36,537
I was cleaning the
closet, and, you know...
505
00:16:36,572 --> 00:16:38,973
Shh! Just focus on your love.
506
00:16:39,270 --> 00:16:40,307
What the...
507
00:16:40,343 --> 00:16:42,209
You took that hanging off the roof?
508
00:16:42,244 --> 00:16:44,745
A photographer does what she
needs to do to get the shot.
509
00:16:44,958 --> 00:16:49,116
The point is, it's
always been Adam and Dana.
510
00:16:49,185 --> 00:16:51,003
You can't just throw that away.
511
00:16:51,028 --> 00:16:51,590
Enough!
512
00:16:51,615 --> 00:16:54,088
All those photos are in the past.
513
00:16:54,123 --> 00:16:55,356
There's nothing to show now
514
00:16:55,391 --> 00:16:57,658
'cause Dana lives in
Seattle and I'm stuck here.
515
00:16:59,028 --> 00:17:01,895
It just... isn't the same.
516
00:17:06,684 --> 00:17:07,679
He's right.
517
00:17:08,637 --> 00:17:11,872
Seeing those photos,
it's... It's not us anymore.
518
00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:14,174
I just wish you two
didn't leave it like this.
519
00:17:14,210 --> 00:17:15,909
You deserve so much better.
520
00:17:15,945 --> 00:17:16,575
I'm sorry.
521
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:17,880
I'm sorry.
522
00:17:18,614 --> 00:17:21,181
I just thought I could fix it.
523
00:17:21,217 --> 00:17:22,903
I'm kind of surprised.
524
00:17:23,614 --> 00:17:25,419
I always thought you didn't like me.
525
00:17:25,454 --> 00:17:27,426
Oh, Dana.
526
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:31,525
You'll always be the best
first love my baby could have.
527
00:17:33,662 --> 00:17:35,380
Besides me, of course.
528
00:17:35,598 --> 00:17:36,797
[Chuckles]
529
00:17:36,832 --> 00:17:39,700
In that moment, Dana
realized my mom was right.
530
00:17:39,735 --> 00:17:41,512
We couldn't leave it like this.
531
00:17:41,537 --> 00:17:44,438
[Weird Al's "King Of Suede" plays]
532
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:52,846
There's a sale on our
gabardine suits today
533
00:17:52,882 --> 00:17:55,082
[Window opens]
534
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,684
-
They're all 30% off from yesterday
- What are you doing?
535
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,254
This is how you won me over two years ago.
536
00:18:00,289 --> 00:18:02,890
So this is how I want to say goodbye.
537
00:18:02,925 --> 00:18:05,592
There's fortrel polyester,
leather, wool, and tweed
538
00:18:05,628 --> 00:18:07,061
[Door closes]
539
00:18:07,096 --> 00:18:08,295
You're playing Weird Al.
540
00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:10,197
I thought you don't like him anymore.
541
00:18:10,232 --> 00:18:12,533
-
Just a visa or mastercard is all you need
- I may have outgrown him,
542
00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:14,835
but it doesn't mean I
still don't like him.
543
00:18:14,870 --> 00:18:18,405
I just thought we'd be
together forever, you know?
544
00:18:18,441 --> 00:18:20,707
-
We got every color, we got every shade
- And maybe we will,
545
00:18:20,743 --> 00:18:23,944
-
We're located next door to Willy's fun arcade
- but for now, I think we're supposed to be apart.
546
00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,979
-
We got every fabric that was ever made
- That still doesn't change the fact
547
00:18:26,015 --> 00:18:28,315
that you will always be my first crush.
548
00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:30,384
-
But I'm known in this city as the king of suede
- My first kiss.
549
00:18:30,419 --> 00:18:31,755
My first love.
550
00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:37,324
-
It's the same old sale as yesterday
- You keep it. To remember me.
551
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:39,493
I will always remember you, Adam.
552
00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:45,899
-
30 years in the same location I have stayed
- Truth is, it wasn't how I saw things ending...
553
00:18:45,935 --> 00:18:47,601
-
'Cause it's my destiny to be the king of suede
- ... With the girl from down the street,
554
00:18:47,636 --> 00:18:49,069
but part of growing up
555
00:18:49,105 --> 00:18:50,804
is learning when
it's time to move on.
556
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,773
-
If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom
- Hey, can we talk?
557
00:18:52,970 --> 00:18:53,769
No.
558
00:18:53,794 --> 00:18:54,856
Not about feelings.
559
00:18:54,958 --> 00:18:55,976
We just want to apologize.
560
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:58,212
Yeah, we didn't realize you
being so lazy and angry
561
00:18:58,247 --> 00:19:00,414
-
we can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan
- ... is actually you crazy happy.
562
00:19:00,449 --> 00:19:04,051
I'm a simple guy. I sit
in my chair. I watch TV.
563
00:19:04,086 --> 00:19:06,286
-
We got jackets with patches on the elbows, too
- I yell at you two morons.
564
00:19:06,322 --> 00:19:08,922
And honestly, that's my happy place.
565
00:19:08,958 --> 00:19:10,657
Well, it's good to know we don't
have to worry about you.
566
00:19:10,693 --> 00:19:12,726
-
And we'll sell 'em all factory-direct to you
- Hey, that means you care.
567
00:19:12,761 --> 00:19:15,262
You know, now would be a perfect time
568
00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:16,763
for you to actually smile.
569
00:19:16,799 --> 00:19:18,765
- Pass.
- Worth a try.
570
00:19:18,801 --> 00:19:20,467
Well, I never made it
past the second grade
571
00:19:20,536 --> 00:19:23,704
In the end, Erica and Barry
did make my dad smile,
572
00:19:23,739 --> 00:19:25,739
and they also discovered there
was someone else in the house
573
00:19:25,774 --> 00:19:28,075
- who could use their help.
- Hey, what's wrong?
574
00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:30,577
-
There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits
- Just packing up my greatest hits with Dana.
575
00:19:30,613 --> 00:19:32,146
-
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots
- It's over.
576
00:19:32,181 --> 00:19:35,048
Oh, god. I-I'm so sorry.
577
00:19:35,084 --> 00:19:36,617
-
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose
- You want to talk about it?
578
00:19:36,644 --> 00:19:37,363
No.
579
00:19:37,388 --> 00:19:40,262
Come on. Let's go to
Wawa. Tastykakes on me?
580
00:19:40,389 --> 00:19:44,458
30 years in the same
location I have stayed
581
00:19:44,493 --> 00:19:46,026
-
there I am, right next door to Willy's fun arcade
- That's the thing about growing up...
582
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:48,662
You try to hold on to
things until you realize...
583
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,476
-
I got tough competition, but I'm not afraid
- Maybe change is a good thing, and if you're lucky,
584
00:19:51,501 --> 00:19:53,913
your family is there to
guide you through it all.
585
00:19:53,938 --> 00:19:57,771
'Cause it's my destiny
to be the king of suede
586
00:19:57,798 --> 00:19:59,899
587
00:19:59,942 --> 00:20:01,341
Roll it! Roll it!
588
00:20:11,391 --> 00:20:13,343
Are you kidding me? No, I won't sing it!
589
00:20:13,376 --> 00:20:15,905
Bar, our little brother needs
our love and support right now.
590
00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:17,343
A good parody song is gonna help.
591
00:20:17,368 --> 00:20:18,946
That would make me feel better.
592
00:20:18,971 --> 00:20:20,532
[Groans] Fine.
593
00:20:20,557 --> 00:20:22,469
1, 2, 3, 4.
594
00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:26,458
Everybody have fun tonight
595
00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:30,024
my brother Barry is a Wang tonight
596
00:20:30,049 --> 00:20:33,985
brother Barry's so dumb tonight
597
00:20:34,010 --> 00:20:36,902
can't even tell
his left from right
598
00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:38,337
Barry, take it!
599
00:20:38,372 --> 00:20:41,440
My brother Barry is a stupid jerk
600
00:20:41,475 --> 00:20:43,809
I can't! I can't do this!
601
00:20:43,844 --> 00:20:45,611
Where's my rage pillow?!
602
00:20:45,646 --> 00:20:47,079
[Muffled screaming]
603
00:20:47,104 --> 00:20:48,614
You know, this song's
actually kind of funny.
604
00:20:48,649 --> 00:20:51,650
I know! And that's exactly
why I sent Weird Al a demo.
605
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:55,020
My brother Barry
is a Wang Toni...
606
00:20:55,055 --> 00:20:56,955
Who's this Barry?
607
00:20:56,991 --> 00:20:59,091
This song offers no context!
608
00:20:59,126 --> 00:21:00,359
Total amateurs!
609
00:21:00,409 --> 00:21:04,959
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