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Adult Adam: Back in the day,
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00:00:01,220 --> 00:00:02,968
winter break was my favorite time of year.
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The hot cocoa, the gift-wrapping,
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00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,272
the taste of buttery popcorn
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00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,107
as you watched your favorite holiday movie.
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00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,776
For me and my big bro, it
was "A Christmas Story."
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For some reason, it just spoke to us.
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The Sox traded Bullfrog,
the only player they got,
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00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:16,582
for Shottenhoffen.
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00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,885
The Phils are trading Ryne
Sandberg for Larry Bowa!
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00:00:19,921 --> 00:00:20,920
It's ludicrous!
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00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:22,888
Ralphie! On the double!
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Everybody get your asses in here!
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We didn't do Christmas,
but we had Hanukkah.
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And that meant lots of forced family time
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00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,930
and Eastern European foods.
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00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:32,631
Gah! What's that smell?
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Lucky, not cool!
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00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:35,634
But it wasn't the dog. It was this.
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Stuffed cabbage time!
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Let's go! It's freakin' Hanukkah!
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Again? Didn't we just do that?
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Yeah, last year. Go set the table.
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00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,310
A lot of people think
that because there are
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eight nights of Hanukkah, you
get eight awesome presents.
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Truth is, they were mostly filler.
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00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:49,248
Shoelaces.
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00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:50,015
Batteries.
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00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:50,950
Underpants.
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I got to go. I got a thing.
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As the days stretched
on, so were the limits
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of what was considered a present.
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School supplies.
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Raisins.
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00:00:57,992 --> 00:00:58,791
Underpants.
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I got to go. I got a thing.
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By night 8, it was straight-up
bottom of the barrel.
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Toothbrush.
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00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,064
Zit cream?
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More underpants?!
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What is the deal, people?!
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Zit cream isn't a gift! It's an insult!
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I'm gonna go. I got a...
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- Thing.
- We know. You've got a thing.
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And your new underpants
are a gift for me, Barry.
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Even if we didn't have the holiday spirit,
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we tried our best to make it fun.
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What the hell happened
to all the sour cream?
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Adam dared me.
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I ate it, along with the rest
of the condiments.
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In your face, mustards and jams!
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What is the one rule we have
in this house, huh?
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No daring Barry to do stupid stuff.
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Why? 'Cause I have no regard
for my personal well-being.
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Frankly, for us, it wasn't
the most joyous holiday,
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especially after visiting
the Christmas wonderland
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at the Kremps'.
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Daisy, it's the Goldbergs!
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[Baby voice] Hello, Goldbergs.
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[Laughs] We've been expecting you!
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Merry Chris...holiday.
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Winter fest.
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Welcome!
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Oh, uh, Charles is out back
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splitting wood for the yule fire.
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Do you want to give him a hand, Murray?
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He's good. I believe in him.
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00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:01,706
Can I wet your whistle with some eggnog?
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00:02:01,731 --> 00:02:02,955
Don't forget your cinnamon stick.
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00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:05,105
Be careful...Scott is our college boy,
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00:02:05,130 --> 00:02:06,185
and he makes a strong nog.
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00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,894
Mom? Did you finally give me that B.B.
gun I always wanted?
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00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,262
Oh, this is a snare drum, isn't it?!
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I told you...No peeking, okay?
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I want the two of you back
to icing that gingerbread house.
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Chad, put down the snare drum.
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I knew it!
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He gets me every year.
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00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,908
Okay, what are my eyes looking at?
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00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,877
Nothing. They're just excited
for Kremp Christmas.
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00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:28,614
But why are your kids here,
willingly participating?
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- What else are they gonna do?
- Seriously?
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You mean to tell me you're
that good at family?
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00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,552
Good at family? That's not a saying.
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Oh, it's a saying, and you
are good at family.
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You are good at family.
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We're fine at family.
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- You're fab at family.
- We're not.
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It's been fun. It has.
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Let's do it again sometime.
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00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,564
Uh, but let's not make a plan.
We'll wing it.
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00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:46,732
Oh, Murray, before you go,
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00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,168
I have the teensiest of favors to ask you.
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Our Santa fell through this year,
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00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,771
and it would just mean the world to us
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if you could just pop
over and hand out some gifts.
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Thank you so much for thinking of him.
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He'd love to.
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Murray, you'll put on the suit.
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00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:02,614
Or...
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I'm twisted up inside
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00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:11,357
But nonetheless, I feel the need to say
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Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
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I don't know the future
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00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:19,732
But the past keeps getting
clearer every day
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It was December 23, 1980-something...
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Christmas vacation.
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That meant my brother's dopey
friends were out of town,
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and I was his only playmate.
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00:03:27,742 --> 00:03:29,926
The alone time with Barry was awesome!
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00:03:29,951 --> 00:03:31,110
It's how we came up with
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our favorite brotherly game...Ball ball.
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There were hundreds of rules,
but the most important
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was every time you took
a shot, you had to yell...
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Ball ball!
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Ball ball!
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Ball ball!
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Whoo!
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Nine points.
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I win. Suck it!
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Looks like the trophy is mine.
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Damn it! You cheated! Rematch!
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00:03:47,823 --> 00:03:50,305
It was days and days
of bro-ing out with Barry.
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You ready, Barry?
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You better be, 'cause we're
about to play some...
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- Ball ball!
- Ball ball!
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00:03:55,136 --> 00:03:55,901
Ball ball!
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00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,536
Yes! 10 points.
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00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,037
What the hell is this?
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[Chuckles] It's called ball ball.
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It's this awesome game
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where you throw the ball back and forth.
133
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I'm familiar with the game.
134
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,044
I helped invent it.
135
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,247
I added the second "ball".
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00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:11,350
And I'm the official world champion.
137
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,886
Yeah, we don't recognize
that federation anymore.
138
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,989
Lainey and I now play
for champion of the universe!
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00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,424
I didn't ratify these changes.
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00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,792
Adam, it's fine. You can play.
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00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,127
No! The ball ball he knew is over.
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00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:23,867
Plus, I wouldn't even be able to explain
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all the changes we made
in the past 10 minutes.
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00:04:25,901 --> 00:04:27,657
Whatever.
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00:04:27,682 --> 00:04:29,303
Enjoy your stupid game.
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00:04:29,330 --> 00:04:31,197
While I was losing Barry, my mom
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was gonna win over our family
with a new holiday plan.
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00:04:33,953 --> 00:04:35,442
Big news, everyone.
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This family's about to experience
some exciting changes
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this holiday season.
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If it costs me money, it ain't happening.
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It'll actually save you money.
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It's happening.
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In the long run.
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In the short run, it'll cost way more.
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[Groans]
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I just got back from the Kremps',
and guess what.
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There are people out there
who actually enjoy
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celebrating the holidays together. [Chuckles]
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Turns out, it's not that we're
not good at family.
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It's just that we've been doing it
all wrong.
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00:05:02,471 --> 00:05:05,739
So this year, we're gonna spice things up
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with a little celebration I like to call...
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Super Hanukkah!!
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Whoo! Mama's jazzed, and here's why.
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We're gonna make Hanukkah sizzle and pop!
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We're gonna decorate the house.
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We're gonna drink buttery booze milk
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and put all our gifts
under a festive topiary
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together as one big family.
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So, like a...Christmas tree?
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No! A Hanukkah bush!
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And instead of opening presents
on eight separate nights,
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we're gonna save 'em up and open
'em all on one night!
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Or one morning.
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00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,710
So, like...Christmas morning?
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No...Super Hanukkah morning.
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But you better not be naughty,
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or else you-know-who won't
bring you any presents.
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00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:43,583
Santa Claus!
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00:05:43,619 --> 00:05:45,886
No! Hanukkah Harry.
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00:05:45,921 --> 00:05:48,288
The Jon Lovitz character
from "Saturday Night Live"?
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00:05:48,323 --> 00:05:50,423
Actually, he's based on a real person.
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00:05:50,459 --> 00:05:52,125
Don't look it up! Who has the time?
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Just...Trust me on this.
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Well, I'm all for getting
this over with in one night.
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That's the super Hanukkah spirit!
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00:05:58,133 --> 00:06:01,101
And here's a box of lights for you
to string up on the house.
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00:06:01,136 --> 00:06:02,636
This has now become work.
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00:06:02,671 --> 00:06:04,538
Not work...fun.
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00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:05,906
Just like the Kremps have.
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Now get to work.
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00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,441
I mean "fun"!
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00:06:08,477 --> 00:06:10,043
Neil Diamond:
you better watch out
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You better not cry
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00:06:14,516 --> 00:06:15,949
And so my mom finally got
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the Hanukkah she always wanted...
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Christmas.
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Do it with care.
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00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,589
One that would rival the Kremps'.
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Before we knew it,
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we'd all been swept
up in the super Hanukkah spirit.
203
00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:29,262
And for the first time ever,
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00:06:29,298 --> 00:06:31,131
our house wasn't the only one on the block
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that didn't have festive lights.
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Three...Two...One.
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00:06:35,737 --> 00:06:37,504
[Electricity crackles] [Laughs]
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Yeah, baby!
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00:06:38,707 --> 00:06:39,706
Looks expensive.
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00:06:39,741 --> 00:06:42,375
It is! Super Hanukkah!
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Gonna find out
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00:06:44,346 --> 00:06:46,713
Oh, my god! [Gasps]
213
00:06:46,748 --> 00:06:48,448
It's like I gave you
a list of stuff I wanted
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00:06:48,483 --> 00:06:49,816
and you actually bought it!
215
00:06:49,851 --> 00:06:52,485
Well, you made the list.
I checked it twice.
216
00:06:52,521 --> 00:06:54,487
No socks. No raisins.
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00:06:54,523 --> 00:06:55,689
No underpants.
218
00:06:55,724 --> 00:06:58,358
Every gift under the bush
is better than the last!
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00:06:58,393 --> 00:07:00,126
There's more where that came from.
220
00:07:00,162 --> 00:07:01,928
This bad boy's from me.
221
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:04,264
That's an officially licensed key chain.
222
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,398
[Sniffs] Very rare.
223
00:07:05,434 --> 00:07:07,567
Stop speaking your stupid words.
224
00:07:07,603 --> 00:07:10,604
Behold the gift Lainey got me...
An Eagles jersey!
225
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,906
My dad re-tiled their training facility.
226
00:07:12,941 --> 00:07:14,441
But the best part...
227
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,509
The whole team signed it!
228
00:07:16,545 --> 00:07:18,345
But the limit was $10!
229
00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:20,513
Oh, it's cool. I got it for free.
230
00:07:20,549 --> 00:07:22,515
I love you so much right now.
231
00:07:22,551 --> 00:07:24,484
This is the holiday of my dreams,
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00:07:24,519 --> 00:07:27,120
and I don't ever want it to end...ever!
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00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,888
You better not pout
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00:07:28,924 --> 00:07:30,023
Ever! [Chuckles]
235
00:07:30,058 --> 00:07:31,891
What the hell is this?
236
00:07:31,927 --> 00:07:33,893
Super Hanukkah!
237
00:07:33,929 --> 00:07:35,195
-
Santa Claus...
- and what is this music?
238
00:07:35,230 --> 00:07:37,564
Neil Diamond...The voice of our people.
239
00:07:37,599 --> 00:07:38,965
It's a Christmas song!
240
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:41,301
My god! Is that a Christmas tree?
241
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,136
No, it's a Hanukkah bush.
242
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,838
That's not a thing. A...
243
00:07:44,873 --> 00:07:46,506
Oh, my lord.
244
00:07:46,541 --> 00:07:49,576
Did you hang stockings
by the chimney with care?
245
00:07:49,611 --> 00:07:52,078
Not stockings...Hanukkah socks.
246
00:07:52,114 --> 00:07:53,813
Ma, we're running out of candy canes.
247
00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,615
Not candy canes...
248
00:07:55,651 --> 00:07:56,983
Peppermint J's.
249
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:59,185
Can I wet your whistle with some hanu-nog?
250
00:07:59,221 --> 00:08:00,086
No!
251
00:08:00,122 --> 00:08:02,055
Dad, I'm just trying to spice it up,
252
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:03,089
like the Kremps do.
253
00:08:03,125 --> 00:08:05,692
They're good at family, and now so are we.
254
00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:07,727
Trading in your family's tradition
255
00:08:07,763 --> 00:08:09,729
is not being good at family.
256
00:08:09,765 --> 00:08:11,631
I mean, what's next? Santa Claus.
257
00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:14,934
I did the thing for the blond
neighbor people.
258
00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:15,869
No more.
259
00:08:15,904 --> 00:08:18,204
Understand? No more!
260
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,373
And just when Pops thought
it couldn't get any worse...
261
00:08:20,409 --> 00:08:21,775
[Doorbell rings] Hi!
262
00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:24,344
Hello! I brought you some decorations.
263
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:26,913
[Gasps] Oh, my! Oh, my.
264
00:08:26,948 --> 00:08:30,517
Your holiday is just so much
more vibrant than I remember.
265
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,419
Well, we kicked it up a notch.
266
00:08:32,454 --> 00:08:35,321
No! Hanukkah only has one notch.
267
00:08:35,357 --> 00:08:36,456
Look at this!
268
00:08:36,491 --> 00:08:37,924
That's our Hanukkah bush.
269
00:08:37,959 --> 00:08:40,293
You know, I never knew that there
were so many similarities
270
00:08:40,328 --> 00:08:41,828
between our two holidays.
271
00:08:41,863 --> 00:08:44,864
What is the story
behind the Hanukkah bush, anyway?
272
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,866
Yeah, Betty. What is the story?
273
00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:50,804
I mean, obviously, there's a rich
cultural significance.
274
00:08:50,839 --> 00:08:52,906
Otherwise, why would you do this to me?
275
00:08:52,941 --> 00:08:57,177
Well, the Maccabees only had
enough oil for one night,
276
00:08:57,212 --> 00:08:59,179
and it was a miracle.
277
00:08:59,214 --> 00:09:01,147
And another miracle...
278
00:09:01,183 --> 00:09:05,518
Was the finding of the bush
in the temple basement.
279
00:09:05,554 --> 00:09:09,055
And they decorated it with...
Festive tchotchkes.
280
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,090
So interesting.
281
00:09:10,125 --> 00:09:11,825
Where'd they find the tchotchkes?
282
00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:13,326
In their pockets.
283
00:09:13,361 --> 00:09:15,528
Tchotchke pockets.
They were potchkes.
284
00:09:15,564 --> 00:09:19,532
You forgot the part where
Aquaman swam to Egypt
285
00:09:19,568 --> 00:09:22,502
and parted the Red Aea
with his fish friends
286
00:09:22,537 --> 00:09:24,704
and Moses the porpoise.
287
00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:26,840
Okay, that's enough.
You're being ridiculous.
288
00:09:26,908 --> 00:09:28,274
I'm ridiculous?!
289
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:31,077
I'll show you who's ridiculous.
290
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,846
You'll see.
291
00:09:32,881 --> 00:09:34,814
[Door closes] You'll see!
292
00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:38,084
Well, that was the traditional re-enactment
293
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,654
of the storming out of the land of Egypt...
294
00:09:41,690 --> 00:09:42,856
By Aquaman.
295
00:09:42,891 --> 00:09:43,990
Whoa.
296
00:09:45,053 --> 00:09:45,835
297
00:09:46,042 --> 00:09:47,491
As the holiday break were on
298
00:09:47,516 --> 00:09:49,123
Lainey continued to edge me out
299
00:09:49,148 --> 00:09:50,914
of my holiday traditions with Barry.
300
00:09:50,950 --> 00:09:52,750
She even edged me off the couch.
301
00:09:52,785 --> 00:09:54,051
[Rustling]
302
00:09:54,086 --> 00:09:55,619
Shh!
303
00:09:55,654 --> 00:09:56,954
Stop shifting in the beanbag.
304
00:09:56,989 --> 00:09:59,223
Lainey and I are trying to watch
our favorite movie here.
305
00:09:59,258 --> 00:10:00,524
Your favorite movie?!
306
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,526
It's supposed to be our favorite movie.
307
00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:03,694
Well, it's been re-favorited.
308
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:04,728
That's not even a word.
309
00:10:04,764 --> 00:10:05,763
There's no way to know.
310
00:10:05,798 --> 00:10:08,065
You know what? Fudge both you guys!
311
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:11,201
And you've seen the movie,
so you know what that means!
312
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,906
Dude, wait. What's your deal?
313
00:10:15,941 --> 00:10:17,040
Did I do something wrong?
314
00:10:17,076 --> 00:10:19,743
Oh, look at you, acting
all foxy and innocent.
315
00:10:19,779 --> 00:10:20,944
I'm onto you, lady.
316
00:10:20,980 --> 00:10:21,912
What are you talking about?
317
00:10:21,947 --> 00:10:23,480
This is the only time all year
318
00:10:23,516 --> 00:10:25,149
that Barry's actually nice to me.
319
00:10:25,184 --> 00:10:27,785
But then you crashed our movie
and stole ball ball
320
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,086
and ruined everything.
321
00:10:29,121 --> 00:10:30,521
I didn't mean to, okay?
322
00:10:30,556 --> 00:10:32,256
I'd never get between two brothers.
323
00:10:32,291 --> 00:10:33,957
Again. It happened once at summer camp.
324
00:10:33,993 --> 00:10:35,359
There were these hot twins, and...
325
00:10:35,394 --> 00:10:36,315
It's not important.
326
00:10:36,340 --> 00:10:37,928
I'll just give you
and Barry some time alone.
327
00:10:37,963 --> 00:10:39,530
Y-you'd do that for me?
328
00:10:39,565 --> 00:10:40,542
Of course.
329
00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:42,366
I think it's really cute
that you love your big brother.
330
00:10:42,401 --> 00:10:43,500
I'd never get in the way of that.
331
00:10:43,536 --> 00:10:45,269
Have fun with Barry. Tell
him I'll see him tomorrow.
332
00:10:45,304 --> 00:10:47,604
Thanks for being so curvy
and understanding.
333
00:10:47,673 --> 00:10:48,739
Hey, no problem.
334
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:49,540
Wait...what?
335
00:10:49,575 --> 00:10:50,774
Nothing! See ya.
336
00:10:52,978 --> 00:10:54,845
Guess who made caramel corn.
337
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,414
Move! That seat is saved for laineys only.
338
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:58,782
Actually, she had to bail,
339
00:10:58,818 --> 00:11:00,517
but now we get to watch "A
Christmas Story" together,
340
00:11:00,553 --> 00:11:01,413
like we always do.
341
00:11:01,438 --> 00:11:03,654
Nyeh. I've seen it a billion times.
342
00:11:03,689 --> 00:11:05,556
Wait! Wait! Where you going?
343
00:11:05,591 --> 00:11:07,191
Lainey's. I miss her laugh.
344
00:11:07,226 --> 00:11:09,193
That's very sweet and angering!
345
00:11:09,228 --> 00:11:10,928
See? You get it. Bye, nerd.
346
00:11:12,665 --> 00:11:14,031
[Muffled] Don't leave me! Come back!
347
00:11:14,066 --> 00:11:17,067
In that moment, I decided
to get Barry to stay
348
00:11:17,102 --> 00:11:19,937
by breaking the one cardinal
rule in our house...
349
00:11:19,972 --> 00:11:22,472
Never dare Barry Goldberg.
350
00:11:22,508 --> 00:11:23,574
Wait!
351
00:11:23,609 --> 00:11:25,309
You could go see Lainey,
352
00:11:25,344 --> 00:11:27,945
or you could accept my double dog dare.
353
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,613
Tell me what it is,
and I'll do it right now.
354
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:30,647
I don't know.
355
00:11:30,683 --> 00:11:32,649
You'll be way too afraid of this one.
356
00:11:32,685 --> 00:11:34,785
Impossible! I was born
without the fear gene.
357
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:36,720
It's a medical miracle. Ask any doctor.
358
00:11:36,755 --> 00:11:37,921
Okay. It's on.
359
00:11:37,957 --> 00:11:38,956
Grab your jacket.
360
00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:40,724
Dare complete. I win.
361
00:11:40,759 --> 00:11:42,326
Yeah, that's not the dare.
362
00:11:42,361 --> 00:11:44,027
Follow me to the tetherball pole.
363
00:11:44,063 --> 00:11:46,396
While I was trying to spend
time with my brother,
364
00:11:46,432 --> 00:11:48,498
my mom was having the time of her life
365
00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:50,500
with her made-up holiday.
366
00:11:50,536 --> 00:11:52,005
Lucky! Stop it!
367
00:11:52,030 --> 00:11:52,536
[Door closes]
368
00:11:52,571 --> 00:11:53,637
Hey, honey.
369
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,539
Have you been wearing
that Santa suit all day?
370
00:11:55,574 --> 00:11:56,694
Oh, yeah.
371
00:11:56,719 --> 00:11:59,109
Turns out these pants keep
the fellas warm and toasty.
372
00:11:59,144 --> 00:12:02,512
And the girl at Wawa...She
gave me a free lotto ticket.
373
00:12:02,548 --> 00:12:04,815
People love Santa Claus!
374
00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:05,816
Who knew?
375
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:06,728
I think everyone.
376
00:12:06,753 --> 00:12:11,021
And a merry Hanukkah to you and yours!
377
00:12:11,056 --> 00:12:11,989
Dad, what are you doing?
378
00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:13,023
What's it look like?
379
00:12:13,058 --> 00:12:15,225
I'm handing out goodies for the holiday.
380
00:12:15,261 --> 00:12:16,627
If you're trying to be Hanukkah Harry
381
00:12:16,662 --> 00:12:19,129
to rub it in my face,
you've got it all wrong.
382
00:12:19,164 --> 00:12:21,431
No. I'm Hanu-Claus.
383
00:12:21,467 --> 00:12:24,501
I'm mashing two words together
to make one offensive one,
384
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:25,802
just like you do.
385
00:12:25,838 --> 00:12:28,538
Now, who wants presents?
386
00:12:28,574 --> 00:12:29,506
Me, Hanu-Claus!
387
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,327
Then prepare yourselves
388
00:12:31,352 --> 00:12:34,611
as I dole out gifts from my sack of shame.
389
00:12:34,647 --> 00:12:37,814
No! Guilt has no place
in our people's holiday.
390
00:12:37,839 --> 00:12:39,752
Shame on you. I hope you feel guilty.
391
00:12:39,777 --> 00:12:43,654
Look! It's your great-grandpa
Samuel Solomon.
392
00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:46,523
He crossed Poland with $2 in his shoe
393
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:50,027
so his traditions could
live on here in America...
394
00:12:50,062 --> 00:12:53,063
Only for you to dismantle his dream.
395
00:12:53,098 --> 00:12:54,231
Fun!
396
00:12:54,266 --> 00:12:55,532
I don't like Hanu-Claus.
397
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,833
And what's this?
398
00:12:56,869 --> 00:12:58,769
This jar stores all the traditions
399
00:12:58,804 --> 00:13:00,771
you've passed down to your children.
400
00:13:00,806 --> 00:13:02,105
But it's empty.
401
00:13:02,141 --> 00:13:03,140
And look!
402
00:13:03,175 --> 00:13:05,909
Why, it's a button...From the sweatshop
403
00:13:05,945 --> 00:13:09,246
your grandmother worked
in to put food on our table,
404
00:13:09,281 --> 00:13:11,815
even though we didn't have a table.
405
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,116
You had a table, Al.
406
00:13:13,152 --> 00:13:14,184
It wobbled!
407
00:13:14,219 --> 00:13:15,319
My god.
408
00:13:15,354 --> 00:13:18,088
There's like 20 more
super-sad things in here.
409
00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:20,157
And we're going through them all...
410
00:13:20,192 --> 00:13:23,060
Every last depressing one of them.
411
00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:24,494
Fun!
412
00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:26,163
As Pops was trying to put an end
413
00:13:26,198 --> 00:13:27,564
to my mom's new traditions,
414
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:31,034
I was trying to get back
at Barry for ruining ours.
415
00:13:32,004 --> 00:13:33,704
Go on. Do it already.
416
00:13:33,739 --> 00:13:35,138
Oh, I will do it.
417
00:13:35,174 --> 00:13:37,074
I've stuck my tongue to tons
of different things.
418
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:38,308
You're stalling.
419
00:13:38,344 --> 00:13:39,343
Come on.
420
00:13:39,378 --> 00:13:41,845
I triple dog dare you.
421
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,481
There it was, the coup
de gr?ce of all dares...
422
00:13:44,516 --> 00:13:47,150
The sinister triple dog dare.
423
00:13:47,186 --> 00:13:49,119
Barry had no choice but to accept.
424
00:13:49,154 --> 00:13:50,454
No fear!
425
00:13:53,103 --> 00:13:53,746
It's stuck !
426
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:55,606
It's stuck !
427
00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:56,303
It's stuck !
428
00:13:56,328 --> 00:13:57,594
That's right.
429
00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,596
You ain't going nowhere, bro.
430
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:01,065
I'm going to kill you !
431
00:14:01,066 --> 00:14:04,134
You've been ignoring me
all week, but no more!
432
00:14:04,203 --> 00:14:06,870
Looks like you'll be hanging
out with your little brother,
433
00:14:06,905 --> 00:14:08,038
like it or not.
434
00:14:08,062 --> 00:14:10,534
Adam I'm sorry okay ?
435
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,843
I do want to spend time with you.
436
00:14:11,844 --> 00:14:12,743
Really?
437
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:16,417
Of course, I was dumb. We're brothers.
438
00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:18,859
Now let's go inside and play
a game of ball ball.
439
00:14:18,884 --> 00:14:19,683
Original version?
440
00:14:19,707 --> 00:14:21,383
Original version!
441
00:14:21,407 --> 00:14:24,498
Now come over here
and give Big Tasty a hug.
442
00:14:24,523 --> 00:14:25,288
Aww.
443
00:14:27,526 --> 00:14:28,825
No! No!
444
00:14:28,861 --> 00:14:30,427
[Grunts]
445
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:31,885
Vengence is mine!
446
00:14:31,909 --> 00:14:32,474
You putz!
447
00:14:32,475 --> 00:14:35,782
Now we're both stuck
and nobody knows we're here!
448
00:14:35,806 --> 00:14:37,015
Huh.
449
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,313
I did not think that through.
450
00:14:39,338 --> 00:14:41,872
As Barry and I were airing our grievances,
451
00:14:41,907 --> 00:14:44,041
Pops had decided to sing his.
452
00:14:44,076 --> 00:14:49,446
On the fifth day of Hanukkah,
my daughter said to me
453
00:14:49,481 --> 00:14:51,381
Five backs a-stabbing
454
00:14:51,417 --> 00:14:53,216
Four neglected customs
455
00:14:53,252 --> 00:14:54,818
Three sellout children
456
00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:56,686
Two shameful parents
457
00:14:56,722 --> 00:15:00,190
And she spit in my face, too
458
00:15:00,225 --> 00:15:02,692
Put down the banjo, Dad. We get the point.
459
00:15:02,728 --> 00:15:06,129
O Hanukkah bush, o Hanukkah bush
460
00:15:06,165 --> 00:15:09,599
You crap all over our culture
461
00:15:09,635 --> 00:15:10,801
Everyone!
462
00:15:10,836 --> 00:15:12,369
Okay, this was fun for a bit,
463
00:15:12,404 --> 00:15:14,971
and then it got sad,
and now it's just bonkers.
464
00:15:15,007 --> 00:15:16,106
Give it to me. Give me the banjo.
465
00:15:16,141 --> 00:15:16,873
No!
466
00:15:16,909 --> 00:15:18,508
Just give her the banjo, Al!
467
00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:19,309
No! Give it!
468
00:15:19,344 --> 00:15:21,044
Give her the damn banjo, Al!
469
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:21,978
Give it!
470
00:15:22,014 --> 00:15:22,946
Watch the candles!
471
00:15:25,918 --> 00:15:26,883
Ohh!
472
00:15:26,919 --> 00:15:29,519
[Gasps] My Hanukkah tree!
473
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,588
My...Christmas bush! Whatever!
474
00:15:31,623 --> 00:15:32,823
Murray, do something! Move!
475
00:15:37,196 --> 00:15:38,528
Are you happy now?
476
00:15:38,564 --> 00:15:40,363
You ruined Super Hanukkah!
477
00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:44,067
How can I ruin something
that's not even real?
478
00:15:44,103 --> 00:15:45,602
Hi!
479
00:15:46,805 --> 00:15:47,704
Hey!
480
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:49,172
Interesting tradition there.
481
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:51,374
Can we come over and hear all about it?
482
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:54,511
What exactly does all this symbolize?
483
00:15:54,546 --> 00:15:57,280
We suck at family, okay? Is
that what you want to hear?
484
00:15:57,316 --> 00:15:59,883
You don't suck at all, but we do.
485
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:04,387
We, like...Suck butt...At family.
486
00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:06,123
The big suck.
487
00:16:06,158 --> 00:16:07,624
[Bleep]
488
00:16:07,659 --> 00:16:08,592
Yeah!
489
00:16:10,662 --> 00:16:11,862
We do.
490
00:16:13,286 --> 00:16:13,802
[Bleep]
491
00:16:14,699 --> 00:16:16,699
It was hour two on the pole
492
00:16:16,724 --> 00:16:18,753
It was freezing, but nothing could thaw
493
00:16:18,785 --> 00:16:20,141
the tension between me and Barry.
494
00:16:20,164 --> 00:16:21,848
I can't feel my face
495
00:16:21,873 --> 00:16:23,348
Not to sound dramatic,
496
00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:24,871
but we're goint to die out here.
497
00:16:24,895 --> 00:16:27,051
Dude no! I'm your big
brother and I'll save you.
498
00:16:27,075 --> 00:16:29,075
Quick! Huddle against me for warmth!
499
00:16:29,099 --> 00:16:29,715
No!
500
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:30,918
We have no choice !
501
00:16:30,942 --> 00:16:31,715
NO!!
502
00:16:31,739 --> 00:16:33,739
Put your body on my body!
503
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,238
Yeah, there you go.
504
00:16:36,605 --> 00:16:37,262
Thanks.
505
00:16:37,910 --> 00:16:38,840
It helps.
506
00:16:38,934 --> 00:16:40,644
Sorry I got so crazy.
507
00:16:40,668 --> 00:16:45,121
You just always spend so much time
with Lainey. We never hang out anymore.
508
00:16:45,145 --> 00:16:47,145
That's what this was all about?
509
00:16:47,583 --> 00:16:51,384
I mean she's my girlfriend
and she's supper hot but
510
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:54,509
you're my brother and no
one will ever replace you.
511
00:16:54,533 --> 00:16:55,884
You really mean that?
512
00:16:55,909 --> 00:16:56,470
Of course.
513
00:16:57,118 --> 00:16:58,228
I love you, dude.
514
00:16:58,783 --> 00:17:00,140
I love you, too.
515
00:17:00,678 --> 00:17:01,382
Wow.
516
00:17:01,406 --> 00:17:04,132
We've nerver said this stuff before.
517
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:04,750
I know.
518
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:07,553
It's just easy cuz we're
about to freeze to death.
519
00:17:07,577 --> 00:17:08,187
Well,
520
00:17:08,726 --> 00:17:09,898
at least we said it.
521
00:17:10,031 --> 00:17:12,031
And I wouldn't trade it
for the whole world.
522
00:17:14,677 --> 00:17:15,460
Whoa !
523
00:17:15,484 --> 00:17:16,507
Did you feel that ?
524
00:17:16,531 --> 00:17:17,804
The warmth in my heart?
525
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:18,828
No! No, no no.
526
00:17:18,852 --> 00:17:20,367
The pole is loose!
527
00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:21,172
Help me!
528
00:17:21,197 --> 00:17:22,730
[Grunts]
529
00:17:22,754 --> 00:17:24,399
You're a genius!
530
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,368
[Both grunting]
531
00:17:27,403 --> 00:17:29,370
[Door opens]
532
00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:32,940
[Both grunting]
533
00:17:37,079 --> 00:17:38,545
I've raised morons.
534
00:17:38,569 --> 00:17:39,536
That's fair.
535
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,548
You really have
536
00:17:40,549 --> 00:17:42,371
That's the thing about family.
537
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:44,043
Even though you my not say it clearly,
538
00:17:44,068 --> 00:17:45,198
you know in your heart
539
00:17:45,223 --> 00:17:46,720
they'll always be there for you.
540
00:17:46,756 --> 00:17:47,921
Hey.
541
00:17:47,957 --> 00:17:49,256
There any room for me?
542
00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:51,425
Of course.
543
00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:53,427
And sometimes you just have to accept
544
00:17:53,462 --> 00:17:55,796
that there's enough love to go around.
545
00:17:55,831 --> 00:17:57,498
You guys have some good brother time?
546
00:17:58,467 --> 00:17:59,733
It was all right.
547
00:17:59,769 --> 00:18:01,602
Who's naughty and nice
548
00:18:01,637 --> 00:18:02,836
Say it now
549
00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:05,164
'Cause being good at family wasn't about
550
00:18:05,207 --> 00:18:07,441
making the old holiday sizzle and pop.
551
00:18:07,476 --> 00:18:08,842
It was about remembering
552
00:18:08,878 --> 00:18:11,779
why the holiday was important
in the first place.
553
00:18:11,814 --> 00:18:12,780
Hey, Dad.
554
00:18:12,815 --> 00:18:14,715
What you got there?
555
00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:15,849
Mom's locket.
556
00:18:15,885 --> 00:18:19,422
Never saw this picture
of me and her before.
557
00:18:19,447 --> 00:18:21,522
[Chuckles]
558
00:18:21,557 --> 00:18:24,024
She looks...So happy.
559
00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:26,193
Oh, she was.
560
00:18:26,228 --> 00:18:28,328
It was your first Hanukkah.
561
00:18:28,364 --> 00:18:29,697
Meant the world to her.
562
00:18:29,732 --> 00:18:32,700
Dad, I'm sorry. I guess
I just got carried away.
563
00:18:32,735 --> 00:18:35,602
I think it's safe to say we both did.
564
00:18:35,627 --> 00:18:37,571
All I wanted was to be
good at family, you know?
565
00:18:37,606 --> 00:18:39,173
And you are, Bev.
566
00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:41,241
But part of being good at family
567
00:18:41,277 --> 00:18:44,545
is knowing where you came from.
568
00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:46,480
Come on, now
569
00:18:46,515 --> 00:18:49,650
Santa Claus is comin' to town
570
00:18:49,685 --> 00:18:50,784
Thanks, Dad.
571
00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:53,020
Santa Claus is comin' to town
572
00:18:53,055 --> 00:18:57,558
Santa Claus is comin' to town
573
00:18:57,593 --> 00:18:58,759
Oh, yeah
574
00:18:58,786 --> 00:19:01,113
Ginzy? You okay?
575
00:19:01,138 --> 00:19:02,396
Yeah.
576
00:19:02,431 --> 00:19:03,931
Yeah, all good.
577
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,834
Even though everything's poop.
578
00:19:06,869 --> 00:19:08,736
It's all poop, Bev...All of it.
579
00:19:08,771 --> 00:19:10,838
What are you talking about?
580
00:19:10,873 --> 00:19:13,273
You're good at family! Remember?
581
00:19:13,309 --> 00:19:14,208
Are you kidding?
582
00:19:14,243 --> 00:19:15,987
Scott gave Daisy some nog.
583
00:19:16,012 --> 00:19:17,678
Now I have to get my rugs cleaned.
584
00:19:17,713 --> 00:19:19,446
Steve shot drew with the stupid B.B. gun,
585
00:19:19,482 --> 00:19:20,714
and Charles burnt the ham.
586
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:22,349
Now we don't even have Christmas dinner.
587
00:19:22,384 --> 00:19:24,818
In that moment, my mom realized
588
00:19:24,854 --> 00:19:26,787
the Kremps were no better at family than us
589
00:19:26,822 --> 00:19:30,491
and there was no such thing
as a perfect holiday.
590
00:19:30,526 --> 00:19:32,059
Come with me.
591
00:19:32,094 --> 00:19:33,293
I know a place.
592
00:19:33,329 --> 00:19:38,365
...better be good, for goodness' sake
593
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,502
Little tin horns
594
00:19:41,537 --> 00:19:43,203
And little toy drums
595
00:19:43,239 --> 00:19:45,272
Who even knew restaurants were open today?
596
00:19:45,307 --> 00:19:46,507
We knew.
597
00:19:46,542 --> 00:19:48,976
Chinese on Christmas...
It's kind of our thing.
598
00:19:49,011 --> 00:19:50,144
[Chuckles]
599
00:19:50,179 --> 00:19:52,880
Learn something new every day, right?
600
00:19:52,915 --> 00:19:54,314
Sure do.
601
00:19:54,350 --> 00:19:56,450
So, this was our Christmas story.
602
00:19:56,476 --> 00:19:58,543
It for sure doesn't look like yours,
603
00:19:58,587 --> 00:20:01,989
but it's not
about how or what you celebrate.
604
00:20:02,024 --> 00:20:04,391
It's who you celebrate with.
605
00:20:04,426 --> 00:20:06,059
And, yeah, ours was crazy.
606
00:20:06,095 --> 00:20:07,728
Aah! Oh, geez!
607
00:20:07,763 --> 00:20:10,764
But it was awesome.
608
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,800
Can't stop that man nohow
609
00:20:12,835 --> 00:20:14,501
Santa Claus is comin' to town
610
00:20:16,839 --> 00:20:18,105
Merry Christmas.
611
00:20:18,174 --> 00:20:20,107
That's a great present.
612
00:20:20,142 --> 00:20:21,875
Chet, what do you have there? What is that?
613
00:20:21,911 --> 00:20:23,877
Let me look. [Drumming]
614
00:20:23,913 --> 00:20:26,280
Whoa! Dude, check this out!
615
00:20:26,315 --> 00:20:27,514
Sit! Sit!
616
00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:29,583
You want to have your Christmas present?
617
00:20:29,618 --> 00:20:30,517
Whoa!
618
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:35,550
Oh! A card!
619
00:20:35,575 --> 00:20:37,208
Thank you!
620
00:20:37,244 --> 00:20:38,543
It's the eighth day of Hanukkah.
621
00:20:38,578 --> 00:20:39,944
Figure I'd save the best for last.
622
00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:41,679
Well, I love it.
623
00:20:41,715 --> 00:20:44,148
But you know what present I'd really love?
624
00:20:44,184 --> 00:20:45,984
A snuggie from my biggest boy.
625
00:20:46,019 --> 00:20:46,918
Yeah, not gonna happen.
626
00:20:46,953 --> 00:20:48,486
Not even if I dare you?
627
00:20:48,521 --> 00:20:50,555
Oh, god. Don't do this.
628
00:20:50,590 --> 00:20:52,624
Triple dog dare!
629
00:20:52,659 --> 00:20:54,259
You'll regret ever challenging me.
630
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:55,593
Take these snuggies!
631
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:56,728
Take 'em!
632
00:20:56,763 --> 00:20:57,862
Barry wins at everything.
633
00:20:57,898 --> 00:20:59,831
[Chuckling] That's right, honey. You win.
634
00:20:59,866 --> 00:21:00,999
Barry wins at everything!
635
00:21:01,024 --> 00:21:04,171
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636
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:08,771
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