All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s02e22 Dance Party USA.eng

Adult Adam: Back in the '80s,
this is what cool looked like.

The makeup was as heavy
as the perfume,

the hair crimped and curled,

and, most importantly,
the shoulders bared.

Even though my sister
owned the look,

it was a bumpy ride
to get her there.

Back in ninth grade,

my sister was a giant ball
of awkwardness.

Hi, Dan.

Gah.

Cool clarinet.
[Laughs]

Um... So, I know
I've asked a few times,

but did you
ever figure out

your plans
for the winter formal?

Listen, Erica, I only like you
as a lab partner.

And to be honest,
e-even then,

I fantasize about
other lab partners, so...

But then
a miracle happened.

Erica Goldberg
got contact lenses,

stopped shampooing
with bar soap,

lost her braces,

and learned how to tame
her rat's nest.

And just like that,

my sister blossomed
from awkward to awesome.

Hey. Hi, Erica.

Hey, Don.

It's, uh... it's Dan.

But you could call me Don
if you like that name better.

In fact, Erica was so awesome
that in one week,

she would get to be
on the coolest TV show

proudly filmed in our hometown.

It was "Dance Party USA"...

30 minutes
of fierce '80s grooving

featuring the hottest girls
and baddest boys

in the skimpiest
of belly shirts.

Holy God,
look at those dance moves!

I'd do anything to tease my bangs that high.

Just think...
In one week everyone in school

will see us dancing
under those neon lights.

We'll be
regionally famous.

So, what moves
you gonna bust out first?

I'm thinking
I'd walk like an Egyptian

right into the safety dance.
Aah!

Speaking of dancing,
Barry has arrived!

- Whoo!
- God, Barry.

The only thing worse than
your moves is your gross eye.

It's just pink eye.
Everyone gets it.

Everyone doesn't get it

from a kaleidoscope
they found under a bridge.

A goopy eye
is well worth

the colorful view of the world
this baby's given me.

Honey, you're gonna give it
to your other eye.

- Huh?
- Unlike Erica,

Barry was still struggling
to find his awesomeness,

and growing that rat tail
last summer didn't really help.

This will always be awesome.

I'm so stoked
to be on TV!

I want to make sure
I lock down a solo platform.

That sounds like
a perfect plan.

But there's only one teeny,
tiny problem...

You're not coming.

Lainey,
you're my girl, girl.

Talk some sense
into her.

You don't want him
to go?

- No.
- Sorry.

- Did everything I could.
- Come on, baby.

Look in my good eye
and give me one reason why?

Barry,
this is going on TV.

They don't want
spazzy dancing freaks

who lose their mind when the
lunch lady runs out of pudding.

That only happened
three times!

They should know by now
to fully stock the pudding!

Sweetie,
you're doing it again.

Fine. I'll just...
Dance it off, okay?

Watch me go.

How can you deny the world
this sweet rhythmic magic, huh?

- Oh, is this happening?
- What?

Get away!
I'm contagious!

The only thing
that's contagious

are your sweet
dance moves.

The Goldbergs - 02x22
Dance Party USA

It was April 29,
1980-something,

and I was about
to spend the day

with the most magical badass
I knew... pops.

Here you go, boys.

Toad in the hole
for my snuggle face,

raisin bran and prune juice

for the coolest
and most regular daddy I know.

That's a pass
on breakfast, Bev.

Me and the kid are headed out
for a big day on the town.

First,
tennis at the club.

And if there's time,
we hit the Art Museum.

Honestly, there should be
a museum for the two of you.

It will be called
the Shmoopie Center For Cuteness

and I will be the curator

and people will line up
for blocks

just to delight
in your deliciousness.

She just had her morning coffee.
You go.

I'll stay and be a body
in the room for her.

And go we did, but not
to tennis or a museum, no.

we headed to the South Jersey
Gem known as Atlantic City.

back then, it was a sketchy,
degenerate wonderland

where they actually let in
a baby-faced boy like me...

No questions asked.

Pops' game of choice was craps.

and although
no human could understand it,

all I knew was
that as long as my grandfather

had his lucky watch,
the man was unstoppable.

-
You got the touch

Is that bad?

Oh, not for us.

I dropped a C-note on the come
at the last second,

so now we're up $50.

My God,
even when you lose you win.

Here you go, Al.
Seafood buffet on us.

Free all-you-can-eat
popcorn shrimp?

Seriously, how does this casino
stay in business?

As I was living it up
with my hero,

Barry was beyond desperate

to no longer be
the crusty eyed zero.

Yo! Big "E"!

Siblings, am I right?

- You can't come with us.
- Just hear me out.

"Dance Party USA"
is the one chance I get

to show everyone
at school

that I'm not just
a pink-eyed loser

dating some girl
out of his league.

They'll have to
respect the guy

who danced briefly
on local television.

I'm begging you
with all my heart.

Please do this for me.

I'm glad you came to me
with this,

and I really appreciate
your honesty.

And now I hope
you can appreciate mine.

I think you're unappealing
and gross.

Barry knew no amount of begging
could change Erica's mind.

What he didn't know was

that pink eye
is highly contagious.

[School bell rings]
Aah!

What's happening
on your face?

I caught Barry's
gross pink eye.

I can't
wear my contacts.

At all? We're supposed to be
on TV in three days.

Move it, Lainey.
Get to class.

Ugh.
Take Mrs. Magoo with you.

Don't worry, Lainey.
I'll look fine for TV.

These are just reading glasses.
I don't need them to see.

[Clang]

Aah!

How did you not see that?!

'Cause I lied!
I want to dance on TV!

Walk it off,
Goldberg.

As Erica was headed

for an emergency
dental procedure,

pops and I
were headed home winners.

That's another one
for the record books.

Here's your taste
of the action, kiddo.

Always a pleasure.

Me too, pops.

I'm just hoping
one of these days,

some of your awesomeness
will rub off on me.

What are you talking about?
You're plenty awesome.

Not like you.

Your life is a parade of money,
free shrimp,

and old ladies that you find hot
and I find sad.

You're the luckiest guy I know.
It's like magic.

Trust me,
you have it in you, too.

Really? 'Cause my life
hasn't been magical at all.

Even at magic camp,
I was a total third-stringer.

All the magic you need
is right in here.

If you just believe in yourself
like I do, you can't lose.

After pops made me realize
I was a winner,

I tested my gambling skills
at the riskiest game in town...

Finger football.

What do you say
we make this interesting?

Fine. The big boys play
for lunch snacks.

What did your hot mom pack
for dessert today?

She is hot, dude.

Dave Kim
likes an hourglass shape.

Harkens back
to old Hollywood.

Shut up, Dave Kim.

And lunch snacks
are adorable,

but I say we play
for your "Hulk" issue 181.

What are you offering?

Let me just whip out
my money clip here.

How's about every series 1
garbage pail kid I got.

Big mistake, Goldberg.

The mistake is yours,
bro.

-
You got the touch

Thanks to pops,
I knew I had the magic touch...

And nothing
could stop my luck.

- [Music stops]
- [Sighs]

Nice doing business
with you.

Wait. You can't
just walk away now.

- Double or nothing.
- I'm listening.

I bet my Megatron.

I bet all my robots.

My entire Nintendo system.

All my games.

Is my soul
worth anything?

[All groan]

It's gone.
It's all gone.

Walk it off,
Goldberg.

And so ended
the worst losing streak

in finger-football history.

What are you doing
sitting in the dark?

I had a terrible day.

I gambled pretty bad,
and I lost.

Well, hey,
that's why you always keep

a spare pair of underpants
in your locker.

- That gem's for free.
- No!

I lost my toys to Garry Ball
playing finger football.

Pops convinced me that I was
lucky like him, but I'm not.

I found this guy
trying to hide under my bed.

I know you're scared,
starscream.

So am i.

I'm not sure
what I'm watching here,

but at least you learned
a valuable lesson.

All gamblers
eventually lose.

Not pops.

He always wins.
It's like the man's magic.

Except he does lose,

and there's no such thing
as magic.

You do know that right?

So, you're saying my hero
is just a regular old man

and there really is
no magic in the world?

Yes.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

Don't listen to him.

You just continue loving pops
the way you always have.

Your dad's the reason he gambled
all his stuff away.

Well,
then pops will fix it.

I'll take him
down to the school,

he'll work
his magical magic,

and get it all back
for you.

- Really?
- Really.

- Really?
- Really.

And with that,
my mom rushed off

to settle my gambling debts.

19, 20.

All right.
[Blows whistle]

Hit the showers.

And don't wear
your underwear in there

like a bunch
of weirdos.

Coach.

I'm kind of going through
some personal stuff.

Do you have time
to talk?

I'm not just your
wrestling coach, Goldberg.

I'm your life coach.

Now drop
and give me feelings.

Everyone in school
thinks I'm a joke.

Maybe I am.
I can't change that.

But being on TV
is a game-changer.

I was thinking
if someone taught me

some sweet
dance moves,

maybe everyone would look past
who I really am.

Why you coming to me
for this?

I remember you told me
you took up tap dancing

to help you with your balance
and flexibility.

Not true.
Tap is for wuss-bags.

I took modern.
It's a man's dance.

So...
Maybe you can help me?

Okay, son.

I'm gonna tell you the same thing
I told my ex-wife's lawyer...

You better bring
everything you got.

Let's dance.

And with that,
coach Mellor would train Barry

to dance his way
to local TV stardom.

with moves this flawless,
Erica and Lainey

would have no choice
but to look past the pink

in Barry's eye
and into the fire in his heart.

Oh, my God,
it's midnight.

Mellor: Welcome to the first midnight
of the rest of your life...

[Groans]

'Cause I taught you
to dance.

And now you will succeed
at the thing you wanted...

Whatever that was.

While Barry
had some new sweet moves,

my mom was using some old ones
on principal ball.

Thank you for agreeing
to meet with me

- on such short notice, Earl.
- You're welcome.

But technically,
you just pounded on the door

while I tried
to hold my breath

until you heard me gasp for air,
then you barged right in.

Look, I know you're
in a tough position

being both principal
and Garry's father,

but something very upsetting
has happened between our boys.

The finger-football fiasco.
I am so sorry.

I told Garry gambling in school
will never be tolerated again.

So, I'll just swing by later
and pick up Adam's toys?

Oh, gosh no.
Garry won them in a bet.

So they're his toys now.

But you just said gambling
at school was unacceptable.

Completely.

However, welching on a
gentleman's wager is even worse.

That is an important life lesson
for our boys to learn.

But I think the take-away here
is you never bet against a ball.

Oh,
is that the take-away?

We're an unusually lucky
brood.

Well, why not put your money
where your mouth is, ball?

- Meaning?
- You may be lucky, but when it comes

to Beverly Goldberg's love
of her children,

she never loses.

If I win,
I get Adam's things back.

If I lose, I'll stay out
of your office for a week.

[Drawer opens, closes]

Mississippi Stud, Deuces
and One-Eyed Jacks are wild.

I only know the...
The game where you do

the flippy thing with the card
and the highest one wins.

You want war?
You got it.

Ace.

Two! Damn it!
Double or nothing.

King.

Two! Damn it!

Shall we go
for a year?

How did it go, Bev?
Did you strong-arm him or what?

I'll explain
in the car.

I'm not allowed on school
grounds for the next decade.

Hold on. Let me just go in
and charm the man.

It's my thing.

Okay, fine,
but listen to me very carefully.

Under no circumstances
are you to play war.

What happened
to your jacket?

[Bleep] That guy.

While pops and my mom
needed a new plan

to get back
my prized possessions,

Barry planned
to win over Lainey

with his new dance moves.

[Sneakers squeak]
Oh, hello.

Barry?
Uh, what are you doing?

Now finish it.

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but that was kind of hot.

Welcome to the new Barry,

and the new Barry's
been working on his moves.

-Hmm.
- What's up, gang?

- Aah!
- Whoa!

[Lisping] I know. I messed my teeth
up when my face hit that locker

so Doctor Chang put me
in some temporary braces.

Did Doctor Chang do something
to your hair, too?

Oh, no,
I tried to cheer myself up

with a home perm, but...
I can't see good, so... Yeah.

Well, good news is

the whole package
kind of goes together.

[Chuckles] Yeah, you have this whole
cat-lady drifter thing going on.

Shut up, will ya?

I'll totally be camera-ready
by tomorrow.

Uh, in light of your recent
medical issues,

maybe I should just go
with Barry instead?

No. Barry,
you're my brother.

Talk some sense into her.

Do you want her
to go like this?

- No.
- I'm sorry.

- I did everything I could.
- Fine!

I don't want to go to
the stupid dance party anyway.

I'll just eat my soft foods
and go, hmm?

Dang it,
where's the pudding?

Sorry, we're all out.
Got some pears, though.

I don't want a pear.
I want chocolate.

Again, we have no pudding.
We have pears.

Fine. You want me
to take a damn pear?

Then I'll take
all the pears, woman.

That way, you'll run out
of pears instead of pudding!

For the first time,

Erica got a taste of what
it was like to be her brother.

Yeah!

But none
of Barry's public meltdowns

ever rivaled my sister's
pear-throwing, pudding rant.

Huh?!
Everyone gets a pear!

- All right, show's over! My office!
- [Screams]

[Shoes squeaking]

- Whoa!
- [Thud]

Ooh, that's gonna be
a tough one to walk off.

While Erica was forced
into detention,

I was was forced
to entertain myself

with my backup toys
from the '70s.

Big news, little man.

Guess who just won
all your toys back.

It was me.

Yeah, I did exactly whatever
she's about to tell you.

Really? How?

Specifics aren't important.
[Chuckles]

What matters is that pops
once again saved the day.

That's why
he's your hero.

He really is.

What the hell
is this?

Oh, that's one of those, uh,
robo change 'em ups

you love so much.

This is a GoBot.

I gambled away
all my Transformers.

And the difference
would be?

This is a Transformer,
and this is a GoBot.

Look at the obvious
difference.

Forget about the robots.
Look what you've got here.

[Singsong voice]
Nintardo!

What did
you just call me?

No, it's the thing you play
all day long... Nintardo.

Oh, my God, are you combining
Nintendo and Atari

into some horrible
mom word?

Bev, enough. It's time
we just level with the kid.

I, uh...

May have gone to the toy store
to replace your toys.

Pops, why couldn't you
just win it all back for me?

That's the thing...
Over the years,

I may have fudged a few details
about how much I've won.

What are you
talking about?

I've see you win so much
at Casinos,

they shower you
with the freshest seafood

the ocean has to offer.

First of all,
that seafood I-i-is both frozen

and of
the lowest quality.

And they give it to you when
you bet aggressively and lose.

So, have you been fudging
other things, too?

No... Maybe.

What about all your legendary
war stories?

- Are those true?
- Well, mostly.

Did you karate-kick Mussolini
in the face?

No, but I was
a very outspoken critic.

Unbelievable.

My whole life, I thought
that you were special.

But you're just a liar.

It had been an hour
since Erica's meltdown,

- and she was feeling the pain.
- This is a nightmare.

Well, why don't you let coach
buck you up with a little story?

Please don't.

It's about an awkward
and goofy-looking caterpillar.

She had heart, she had spirit,
but nobody saw it

because, on the outside, she had
wild hair and a jacked-up eye.

You're clearly talking
about me.

No, I'm talking
about a caterpillar.

I'm clearly
the caterpillar.

Anyway, this caterpillar,
who is not you,

eventually spun herself
a little cocoon of confidence.

And then... Poof.

What emerged was
but a beautiful butterfly.

Oh, my God!

Y-you're giving me
the uggo speech.

That's the same story you tell
all the dorks and losers.

Wait,
people know this?

I know it 'cause you gave it
to me in ninth grade.

Really? That's a heck of
a long time to be in a cocoon.

I'm a butterfly!

I'm just going
though some stuff, okay?

Well, then,
let me tell you another story

about a lady
who never got married,

but she became
one heck of a cool aunt.

I'm a butterfly.

Yes, you are...
Under your skin.

Here's a pudding.
Thought you could use it.

Just go away.
I don 't want your pity pudding.

Damn it.
Yes, I do.

Okay,
I talked to Lainey,

and we want you to come
with us to "Dance Party USA."

I can't go on TV
looking like this.

I can't even go out
in the world like this.

Trust me, you can.

- How would you know?
- Honestly?

This is what
I feel like every day.

When I saw you freaking out
in the cafeteria, I saw me.

And I realized I never want to
see you feel that way again.

Why are you being so nice
to me?

'Cause no matter
how scary you look,

you'll always be
my big sister.

[Sobbing]
That's just so nice.

Oh, God, don't hug me.

-
Highway run

Sure, Erica and Barry
never really saw eye-to-eye,

-
Into the midnight sun

they saw each other clearer
than ever.

Oh, look at you.
You got all your crap back.

Only 'cause I agreed
to give Garry

all of my desserts at lunch
until we graduate.

You know, you were right.
Pops isn't a hero.

- He's a fraud.
- That's not what I meant.

Listen,
pops may not be magic,

but he's a terrific grandfather
and he's always there for you.

-
Sending all my love

He exaggerated.
That's what all grandfathers do.

You know why?

'Cause they want you to love
them as much as they love you.

Thanks to my dad, I realized
that pops wasn't the lucky one.

I was for having him
in my life.

Hey, pops,
what's with the bran cereal?

Don't you want to hit
the waffle house and the museum?

Always.

I-I just assumed you didn't
want to go with me anymore.

Just do me a favor

and give it to me straight
from here on out.

Deal. And I'm gonna start
by giving you this.

My grandpa gave it to me,

and now I carry him
with me wherever I go.

Now you'll carry me
with you.

And if that ain't magic,
I don't know what is.

When you're young, it's easy
to believe in magic.

-
Whoa, oh, oh-oh

Beverly: Have fun
with your grandfather.

-
Whoa, oh, oh-oh

-
Whoa, oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

But as you get older,

you realize the real magic
comes from the people you love.

Truth is,
your greatest memories

are always the ones
with family at your side.

Sure, they may not be pretty or
turn out exactly as you planned.

In fact, some of our
most embarrassing moments

lead to our greatest victories.

Of course, at the time,
it may not seem that way.

It's only when you sit down
and take a good look back

that you can't help but smile
'cause it's those very flaws...

that make the memories
absolutely perfect.

_

Happy to report
the dorks and dinks

are afraid
to talk to me again.

All is right
with the world.

Well, now that you've been
on the other side,

maybe you'll have pity
for them.

- Eh.
- What's up, gang?

- Oh my!
- Whoa!

Got your stupid pink eye...
In both eyes.

And I was so upset
I threw my hair dryer

against the wall
and broke it.

Now I'm so stressed,

I think I may be getting
a little pimple. Am I?

There might be
something coming in.

[Sighs]
I'm so sorry, Barry.

If you don't want to be seen
with me, I totally get it.

I'm not gonna lie.
I'm super into this.

I love dating
a weirdo.

That's right you do.

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