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Adult Adam: If being sentimental were
a sport, my mom would've gone pro.
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00:00:03,062 --> 00:00:05,895
Each moment of our lives
was documented, decorated,
3
00:00:05,897 --> 00:00:11,034
and preserved forever in one
of her many creepy scrapbooks.
4
00:00:11,035 --> 00:00:12,702
Aw. [Chuckles]
5
00:00:12,703 --> 00:00:14,471
His little body's changing.
6
00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:18,718
You said that was to show
the dermatologist! Lies!
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00:00:18,734 --> 00:00:19,977
My dad, on the other hand,
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00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,613
wasn't quite as sentimental about us.
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Bye, dad.
10
00:00:24,182 --> 00:00:28,018
Have fun at camp or college
or wherever it is you're going.
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00:00:28,019 --> 00:00:30,954
It drove him crazy that my mom
would commandeer the garage
12
00:00:30,955 --> 00:00:33,390
to obsessively save
every little piece of artwork,
13
00:00:33,391 --> 00:00:35,626
doodle, and drawing
that we have ever done.
14
00:00:35,627 --> 00:00:36,827
[Sighs heavily]
15
00:00:39,397 --> 00:00:42,433
It accrued slowly over time
until that fateful day
16
00:00:42,434 --> 00:00:44,768
of the great Goldberg avalanche.
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00:00:44,769 --> 00:00:46,036
Aah!
18
00:00:47,421 --> 00:00:49,139
Are you kidding me?!
19
00:00:49,140 --> 00:00:51,008
Oh! Damn it!
20
00:00:51,609 --> 00:00:52,575
Help!
21
00:00:52,576 --> 00:00:55,311
Bevy! [Horn honking]
22
00:00:55,312 --> 00:00:56,780
I could've been killed!
23
00:00:56,781 --> 00:00:58,515
Oh, poop!
24
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:02,452
You ruined Adam's jelly bean
diorama of custer's last stand.
25
00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:03,820
Poopies!
26
00:01:03,821 --> 00:01:06,423
That's it. I'm cleaning
this whole place out.
27
00:01:06,424 --> 00:01:09,993
No! Where am I gonna hide
my six-pack of... homework.
28
00:01:09,994 --> 00:01:11,962
And the magazines
I'm holding for a friend.
29
00:01:11,963 --> 00:01:14,965
Hide it in the woods like every other kid!
30
00:01:14,966 --> 00:01:17,934
All this crap has got to go!
31
00:01:17,935 --> 00:01:19,602
It's not crap.
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00:01:19,603 --> 00:01:22,605
Every box is filled
with priceless family memories,
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00:01:22,606 --> 00:01:25,008
each one more valuable than the next.
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00:01:25,009 --> 00:01:28,378
Bevy, we are drowning
in our children's art projects.
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00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:31,881
You have literally kept
every drawing, every doodle,
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00:01:31,881 --> 00:01:34,983
every macaroni necklace
they have ever made.
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00:01:34,985 --> 00:01:36,553
Did you know that Albert Einstein's
38
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:41,723
first macaroni necklace
just sold for over $1 million?
39
00:01:41,725 --> 00:01:44,861
Einstein, huh? Which child would that be?
40
00:01:44,862 --> 00:01:46,229
Hey, bar?
41
00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:47,530
Ugh!
42
00:01:47,531 --> 00:01:48,656
Ew!
43
00:01:48,658 --> 00:01:50,199
I'm twisted up inside
44
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,773
but nonetheless I feel the need to say
45
00:01:53,774 --> 00:01:56,371
The Goldbergs - 02x10
DannyDonnieJoeJonJordan
46
00:01:56,373 --> 00:01:57,807
I don't know the future
47
00:01:57,808 --> 00:02:01,046
but the past keeps getting
clearer every day
48
00:02:02,045 --> 00:02:04,180
It was January 7, 1980-something,
49
00:02:04,181 --> 00:02:06,516
and Erica was finding
a new and exciting way
50
00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:07,784
to torture us.
51
00:02:07,785 --> 00:02:10,353
Ha! Look, it's Barry's baby helmet.
52
00:02:10,354 --> 00:02:13,022
No! I thought we gave that
back to the institute.
53
00:02:13,023 --> 00:02:15,158
You were so cute
with your little flat head.
54
00:02:15,159 --> 00:02:16,926
I used to rest my kool-aid on you.
55
00:02:16,927 --> 00:02:19,262
Well, my head's perfectly round now.
56
00:02:19,263 --> 00:02:22,932
Oh, my gosh. It's a picture
of you all helmeted up.
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00:02:22,933 --> 00:02:24,200
This is gonna look great in the yearbook.
58
00:02:24,201 --> 00:02:25,768
No, please, show mercy.
59
00:02:25,769 --> 00:02:29,305
Yep, my sister had a gift for
making our lives a living hell.
60
00:02:29,306 --> 00:02:31,807
The more public
the humiliation, the better.
61
00:02:31,808 --> 00:02:33,075
Hey! [Giggles]
62
00:02:33,076 --> 00:02:34,510
Why?!
63
00:02:34,511 --> 00:02:37,280
You wore tear-away pants. This is on you.
64
00:02:37,281 --> 00:02:38,915
[Singsongy] Hey, Adam.
65
00:02:38,916 --> 00:02:40,216
Oh, balls!
66
00:02:40,217 --> 00:02:41,417
It's your potty pal, remember?
67
00:02:41,418 --> 00:02:42,718
Mom bought him for you
68
00:02:42,719 --> 00:02:44,887
because you thought
monsters lived in the toilet.
69
00:02:44,888 --> 00:02:47,056
They weren't monsters!
70
00:02:47,057 --> 00:02:48,724
They were toilet trolls.
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00:02:48,725 --> 00:02:50,849
[Baby voice] Aw, is pudgy
wittle Adam still too scared
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00:02:50,851 --> 00:02:52,461
to make poo-poos now, huh?
73
00:02:52,462 --> 00:02:56,232
Oh, like you're so perfect
with all your... your trophies.
74
00:02:56,233 --> 00:02:58,067
And your "A" papers,
75
00:02:58,068 --> 00:03:00,836
and your... your framed
commendation from the mayor?
76
00:03:00,837 --> 00:03:02,805
- Seriously?
- Yeah, nice try.
77
00:03:02,806 --> 00:03:06,148
Well, let's see what
treasures lie in this box.
78
00:03:07,710 --> 00:03:09,278
Nothing to see here, bye-bye.
79
00:03:09,279 --> 00:03:12,348
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
80
00:03:12,349 --> 00:03:15,151
It's an old box of your
new kids on the block stuff.
81
00:03:15,152 --> 00:03:16,619
You still love them.
82
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:19,054
[Scoffs] No, I'm way too old
to like boy bands.
83
00:03:19,055 --> 00:03:20,456
Then I'll throw them away for you.
84
00:03:20,457 --> 00:03:21,924
No! Don't touch them! They're mine!
85
00:03:21,925 --> 00:03:24,693
Yep, long before One Direction and N Sync,
86
00:03:24,694 --> 00:03:25,995
there was the original boy band...
87
00:03:25,996 --> 00:03:27,696
New Kids on the Block.
88
00:03:27,697 --> 00:03:30,432
- You still love the new kids. You love 'em.
- You're lame. You're so lame!
89
00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:33,302
No, you guys are lame sacks of...
90
00:03:33,303 --> 00:03:34,570
Just shut up!
91
00:03:34,571 --> 00:03:35,771
Damn it!
92
00:03:35,772 --> 00:03:37,940
She got away with all our ammo!
93
00:03:37,941 --> 00:03:39,174
Not all of it.
94
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,409
- How?
- Sleight of hand.
95
00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:42,344
And you thought magic camp was for dorks.
96
00:03:42,345 --> 00:03:44,279
I still do, but good work.
97
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,483
After years of one-sided torture,
we finally got some ammo.
98
00:03:47,484 --> 00:03:48,820
Oh, hey, guys.
99
00:03:48,822 --> 00:03:53,555
- Adam: And it would change everything.
- It's Erica Goldberg, your number one fan.
100
00:03:53,556 --> 00:03:56,058
[Laughs] And I wanted to make this video
101
00:03:56,059 --> 00:03:58,927
so that you could see
firsthand how much I love you
102
00:03:58,928 --> 00:04:01,997
and wanna marry you. [Giggles]
103
00:04:01,998 --> 00:04:04,800
But not all of you. Just you, Jonathan.
104
00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:06,902
In fact, I wrote a song about you.
105
00:04:06,903 --> 00:04:08,704
So I'm gonna... I'm gonna sing it for you.
106
00:04:08,705 --> 00:04:11,140
Jonny
107
00:04:11,141 --> 00:04:13,842
Jonny, Jonny
108
00:04:13,843 --> 00:04:16,545
I love you
109
00:04:16,546 --> 00:04:17,980
[Crying]
110
00:04:17,981 --> 00:04:20,515
I love you so much! [Sobbing]
111
00:04:20,516 --> 00:04:24,152
I do! I-I love you!
112
00:04:24,153 --> 00:04:25,554
I love you
113
00:04:25,555 --> 00:04:26,989
[High-pitched voice] I love you so much!
114
00:04:26,990 --> 00:04:30,492
I always knew one day
a good thing would happen to me.
115
00:04:30,493 --> 00:04:31,827
- And that day is now.
- I love you so much!
116
00:04:31,828 --> 00:04:33,395
Do you know what this means?
117
00:04:33,396 --> 00:04:36,264
Her reign of terror is finally over.
118
00:04:36,265 --> 00:04:38,633
And we must annihilate her.
119
00:04:38,634 --> 00:04:40,135
Absolutely.
120
00:04:40,136 --> 00:04:42,037
Don't steeple your fingers.
I'm steepling mine!
121
00:04:42,038 --> 00:04:43,872
We can't both do it.
122
00:04:43,873 --> 00:04:45,607
If anybody should be
steepling, it should be me.
123
00:04:45,608 --> 00:04:47,809
- Your fingers are weird.
- What?
124
00:04:47,810 --> 00:04:50,312
No, they're not.
What are you talking about?
125
00:04:50,313 --> 00:04:53,546
How's that weird? How can you
say that with a straight face?
126
00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:55,984
I don't think it's that weird, man.
127
00:04:55,985 --> 00:04:58,053
They're like witch's fingers.
128
00:04:58,054 --> 00:05:00,055
Adult Adam: Meanwhile,
my dad had laid down the law.
129
00:05:00,056 --> 00:05:03,158
My mom was allowed to fill
a single trunk with our art.
130
00:05:03,159 --> 00:05:05,460
Sadly, it didn't have infinite space.
131
00:05:05,461 --> 00:05:08,563
Bevy, we've been at this for hours.
132
00:05:08,564 --> 00:05:10,765
Please move it along. Come on.
133
00:05:10,766 --> 00:05:14,035
Oh! Adam's family portrait
from kindergarten.
134
00:05:14,036 --> 00:05:15,670
I gotta keep this.
135
00:05:15,671 --> 00:05:18,139
What are we, a family
of potatoes? Toss it.
136
00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:21,576
All right, fine, but you can't
expect me to get rid of this.
137
00:05:21,577 --> 00:05:24,279
Oh, yes, I can. It's a turkey. We get it.
138
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,614
It's his little hand preserved forever.
139
00:05:26,615 --> 00:05:28,416
He still has a hand!
140
00:05:28,417 --> 00:05:31,553
Adam! Come down here and show
your mother your hand!
141
00:05:31,554 --> 00:05:35,223
Oh, now it's all... huge and gangly.
142
00:05:35,224 --> 00:05:38,159
Don't you just miss
those pudgy little baby hands?
143
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,628
It's just a crappy turkey. Toss it!
144
00:05:40,629 --> 00:05:44,599
And toss the blue banana
and the dog with six legs!
145
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,535
Okay, you seriously can't tell
me that Erica's finger painting
146
00:05:47,536 --> 00:05:49,304
makes you feel nothing.
147
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:52,907
I feel something... confused.
Who the hell's "babby"?
148
00:05:52,908 --> 00:05:54,809
It says "daddy."
149
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:56,644
She made her little D's backwards.
150
00:05:56,645 --> 00:05:59,948
You're her "babby."
How do you not feel anything?
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00:05:59,949 --> 00:06:01,983
I'll tell you how, and it's simple.
152
00:06:01,984 --> 00:06:05,219
Our children are not talented.
153
00:06:05,220 --> 00:06:06,587
You're a monster.
154
00:06:06,588 --> 00:06:08,589
Well, that would explain
why I have three eyes
155
00:06:08,590 --> 00:06:09,957
and lobster hands.
156
00:06:09,958 --> 00:06:11,259
Toss!
157
00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:13,594
Okay, fellas, it's all gotta go.
158
00:06:13,595 --> 00:06:15,730
Are you sure Bevy's fine with this?
159
00:06:15,731 --> 00:06:18,132
Absolutely. She's more than fine.
160
00:06:18,133 --> 00:06:21,869
Then why do I feel her eyes on me
like a thousand tiny daggers?
161
00:06:25,641 --> 00:06:29,610
I let her keep her one trunk.
That's more than fair.
162
00:06:29,611 --> 00:06:31,913
Trust me, once that stuff's at the dump,
163
00:06:31,914 --> 00:06:33,180
she'll forget all about it.
164
00:06:33,181 --> 00:06:35,016
All right, that's everything.
165
00:06:35,017 --> 00:06:36,651
Thank you.
166
00:06:36,652 --> 00:06:40,087
- I feel good about this.
- Mm.
167
00:06:40,088 --> 00:06:43,724
Wait, where's the trunk?
168
00:06:43,725 --> 00:06:45,126
- Hey, wait!
- Hey, hold on!
169
00:06:45,127 --> 00:06:46,627
- Wait, wait!
- Stop! Stop!
170
00:06:46,628 --> 00:06:49,130
All right, you run after them,
I'll go get the car keys.
171
00:06:49,131 --> 00:06:50,498
Why do I have to run after them?
172
00:06:50,499 --> 00:06:51,999
You're spry. It's your thing.
173
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,402
How 'bout you run, I get the keys?
174
00:06:54,403 --> 00:06:55,770
You can't drive!
175
00:06:55,771 --> 00:06:57,471
Get off my jock, Mur.
176
00:06:57,472 --> 00:07:00,074
I'm making this stuff up on the fly here.
177
00:07:00,075 --> 00:07:01,942
Fine! We'll both get the damn keys.
178
00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:07,715
That truck is gone.
179
00:07:07,716 --> 00:07:09,817
Yes... It is.
180
00:07:09,818 --> 00:07:12,562
[Laughter]
All: Hey!
181
00:07:12,564 --> 00:07:13,631
Come on in!
182
00:07:13,856 --> 00:07:15,022
We just invited over a few pals
183
00:07:15,023 --> 00:07:17,558
- for a little video premiere party.
- No.
184
00:07:17,559 --> 00:07:19,227
I like it when you said
your hand was Jonathan
185
00:07:19,228 --> 00:07:20,761
and then you made out with it.
[Laughter]
186
00:07:20,762 --> 00:07:23,630
Wait, you made fun of me
for my Corey Feldman shrine,
187
00:07:23,632 --> 00:07:25,131
and all along, you were doing this?
188
00:07:25,133 --> 00:07:26,467
- No!
- Yes.
189
00:07:26,468 --> 00:07:28,502
- No!
- Let's play it again, shall we?
190
00:07:28,503 --> 00:07:30,638
Stop doing what you're doing
and turn it off.
191
00:07:30,639 --> 00:07:31,972
Turn it up? Yeah, you got it.
192
00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:33,207
- Turn it off!
- Erica on TV: I love you!
193
00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:35,809
- Barry, the attic!
- I love you so much!
194
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:37,278
Adult Adam: My sister was furious
195
00:07:37,279 --> 00:07:38,979
she had lost all the power,
but not half as mad
196
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:41,148
as when she saw what we did to her room.
197
00:07:41,149 --> 00:07:42,950
Ho, ho!
198
00:07:46,855 --> 00:07:48,022
Donald.
199
00:07:48,023 --> 00:07:50,124
Why are you doing this to me?!
200
00:07:50,125 --> 00:07:53,427
We just wanted to make sure
you had... "The right stuff."
201
00:07:53,428 --> 00:07:55,429
Just take your stupid flat helmet head
202
00:07:55,430 --> 00:07:57,431
and get out of my room.
203
00:07:57,432 --> 00:07:59,967
Normally, that would send me
into an emotional tailspin.
204
00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:02,703
But from now on, no matter what you say,
205
00:08:02,704 --> 00:08:04,338
you're just a borderline adult woman
206
00:08:04,339 --> 00:08:05,906
who likes lame boy bands.
207
00:08:05,907 --> 00:08:09,543
No! You do not have the power.
I have the power.
208
00:08:09,544 --> 00:08:13,413
Oh, no. For years, our stupid life choices
209
00:08:13,414 --> 00:08:15,682
and physical awkwardness
has given you ammo
210
00:08:15,683 --> 00:08:18,051
to humiliate us, but no more!
211
00:08:18,052 --> 00:08:20,087
I say, no more!
212
00:08:20,088 --> 00:08:22,289
And just like that,
213
00:08:22,290 --> 00:08:25,759
Erica's childhood dreams
became her adult nightmare.
214
00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:27,746
- ["You got it (The right stuff)" Playing]
- It had been three days
215
00:08:27,747 --> 00:08:29,980
since we started using new kids
to taunt Erica.
216
00:08:29,982 --> 00:08:34,983
Unfortunately, all that musical exposure
led to some unintended consequences.
217
00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:37,487
-
First time was a great time
-
First time was a great time
218
00:08:37,488 --> 00:08:39,289
-
Second time was a blast
-
Second time was a blast
219
00:08:39,290 --> 00:08:40,890
-
Third time I fell in love
-
Third time I fell in love
220
00:08:40,891 --> 00:08:42,592
-
Now I hope it lasts
-
Now I hope it lasts
221
00:08:42,593 --> 00:08:44,260
- What are you doing?
-
I could see it in...
222
00:08:44,261 --> 00:08:45,261
[Music stops] Me?
223
00:08:45,262 --> 00:08:47,363
Like, right now? Just...
224
00:08:47,364 --> 00:08:49,666
You know, bagging on Erica
and her stupid music.
225
00:08:49,666 --> 00:08:51,533
- By singing along?
- Yes!
226
00:08:51,535 --> 00:08:54,737
I mean, how am I really gonna
torture Erica if I don't know
227
00:08:54,738 --> 00:08:56,239
all the words to the song?
228
00:08:56,240 --> 00:09:00,143
It was a wobbly premise at best
and there's no way he'd buy it.
229
00:09:00,144 --> 00:09:01,778
That's a good point, dude.
230
00:09:01,779 --> 00:09:03,880
- It is?
- Yeah.
231
00:09:03,881 --> 00:09:06,049
'Cause I might've
memorized their entire album.
232
00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:08,918
Smart! That'll really piss her off!
233
00:09:08,919 --> 00:09:11,387
What's your favorite song?
To torture Erica with.
234
00:09:11,388 --> 00:09:13,256
That'd be a 10-way tie
between all of them!
235
00:09:13,257 --> 00:09:14,857
Take that, Erica!
236
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:18,042
Can you believe her favorite
new kid is Jonathan Knight?
237
00:09:18,044 --> 00:09:20,196
I mean, hello, he's the shy one.
238
00:09:20,197 --> 00:09:22,965
Yeah, but you put him on the dance floor,
he blows everyone away.
239
00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:24,334
Of course!
240
00:09:24,335 --> 00:09:26,299
That's why I learned
all of Joey McIntyre's lyrics!
241
00:09:26,301 --> 00:09:29,651
'Cause he's like me, the youngest and the
cutest and always getting into shenanigans.
242
00:09:29,661 --> 00:09:31,641
Joey?! If anything, you're a Jordan.
243
00:09:31,642 --> 00:09:32,742
'Cause your voice is all high
244
00:09:32,743 --> 00:09:33,943
and you're cocky when you shouldn't be.
245
00:09:33,944 --> 00:09:35,878
Oh, yeah? Well, you're a Danny.
246
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:38,381
Please. I'm Donnie,
the bad boy, and you know it.
247
00:09:38,382 --> 00:09:41,217
Can you knobs please keep it down?
I'm trying to study.
248
00:09:41,218 --> 00:09:42,818
Why? You studying with your boyfriends
249
00:09:42,819 --> 00:09:46,555
- Danny, Donnie, Joey, Jon, Jordan?
- Gosh, shut up with that!
250
00:09:46,556 --> 00:09:48,624
I have the power!
251
00:09:48,625 --> 00:09:51,494
See? I know at a glance
I have Danny aspects,
252
00:09:51,495 --> 00:09:54,763
but Donnie has that roughneck
appeal that ladies love!
253
00:09:54,764 --> 00:09:57,666
Hey, you know what would
totally drive Erica nuts?
254
00:09:57,667 --> 00:09:59,001
If we learned all their dance moves.
255
00:09:59,002 --> 00:10:01,237
Know what else would really
rub her nose in it?
256
00:10:01,238 --> 00:10:04,139
We do a shot-for-shot remake
of their music video.
257
00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:05,941
Yes! [Giggles]
258
00:10:05,942 --> 00:10:08,143
Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh
259
00:10:08,144 --> 00:10:09,545
- Oh, yeah.
- All right.
260
00:10:09,546 --> 00:10:11,680
I'm gonna go cut off
the sleeves of my Jean jacket,
261
00:10:11,681 --> 00:10:15,251
you go gather up some leather vests,
and that'll really stick it to her!
262
00:10:15,252 --> 00:10:16,652
While my brother and I
were fooling ourselves,
263
00:10:16,653 --> 00:10:18,854
my dad and pops were hoping to fool my mom
264
00:10:18,855 --> 00:10:20,623
by forging our old artwork and putting it
265
00:10:20,624 --> 00:10:22,257
in a duplicate trunk.
266
00:10:22,258 --> 00:10:23,826
There you go.
267
00:10:23,827 --> 00:10:26,795
Good as the real thing.
268
00:10:26,796 --> 00:10:27,997
The hell is this?
269
00:10:27,998 --> 00:10:29,732
You said Adam drew a potato family.
270
00:10:29,733 --> 00:10:32,534
Not actual potatoes! Potato-shaped!
271
00:10:32,535 --> 00:10:34,136
And what are they doing on a farm?
272
00:10:34,137 --> 00:10:36,004
Where else would a potato family live?
273
00:10:36,005 --> 00:10:38,173
It's too good! It's supposed to be awful.
274
00:10:38,174 --> 00:10:41,143
Well, we gotta fill up
this trunk with something,
275
00:10:41,144 --> 00:10:43,512
and all we got is
a few macaroni necklaces,
276
00:10:43,513 --> 00:10:47,282
a blue banana, and this glittery thing.
277
00:10:47,283 --> 00:10:50,719
It's supposed to say,
"I love you babby." Babby!
278
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:51,954
What the hell is a babby?
279
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:54,156
I'm the babby!
280
00:10:54,157 --> 00:10:56,625
It's too good. Do it again,
and do it worse.
281
00:10:56,626 --> 00:10:58,894
Hey, I got talent. I can't suppress it.
282
00:10:58,895 --> 00:11:02,231
In fact, if you don't want
my potato family,
283
00:11:02,232 --> 00:11:03,832
perhaps "the New Yorker" will.
284
00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:06,001
I give up.
285
00:11:06,002 --> 00:11:08,989
There's no way Bevy's gonna
believe this crap.
286
00:11:09,005 --> 00:11:10,067
What are you gonna do?
287
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:13,542
The only thing I can do...
Come clean and end this.
288
00:11:13,543 --> 00:11:15,577
My dad hoped she would take it well,
289
00:11:15,578 --> 00:11:17,846
but she didn't. [Crying]
290
00:11:17,847 --> 00:11:20,115
Well, on the bright side,
our garage is clean.
291
00:11:20,116 --> 00:11:21,216
[Crying]
292
00:11:21,217 --> 00:11:22,317
[Sighs heavily]
293
00:11:22,318 --> 00:11:23,919
Okay, you win.
294
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,521
I will never make you
throw anything away again.
295
00:11:26,522 --> 00:11:28,323
- Promise?
- Yes!
296
00:11:28,324 --> 00:11:31,493
You can hoard whatever crap
you want from now on.
297
00:11:31,494 --> 00:11:33,595
You won't hear so much
as a grumble from me.
298
00:11:33,596 --> 00:11:35,263
Well, that's a start.
299
00:11:35,264 --> 00:11:37,232
[Inhales deeply]
Now if you'll excuse me,
300
00:11:37,233 --> 00:11:42,737
I need to, uh, be alone to mourn the
piece of my heart that died today.
301
00:11:46,108 --> 00:11:49,477
My dad came clean,
but my mom was playing dirty.
302
00:11:49,478 --> 00:11:50,912
To teach my dad a lesson,
303
00:11:50,913 --> 00:11:53,849
she had paid the haulers
to stash our art here.
304
00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:55,517
Okay, so for the monthly storage cost,
305
00:11:55,518 --> 00:11:57,919
- I'm gonna need a credit card.
- Mm, no, no, Gabe.
306
00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:59,754
This will be a strictly cash transaction.
307
00:11:59,755 --> 00:12:01,690
No paper trail that way. [Chuckles]
308
00:12:01,691 --> 00:12:04,993
Um, that's kind of weird, but okay.
309
00:12:04,994 --> 00:12:09,965
See, I had all these pieces
of my kids in these boxes,
310
00:12:09,966 --> 00:12:12,967
and someone tried
to take them away from me.
311
00:12:12,968 --> 00:12:14,936
We can't have that, can we, Gabe?
312
00:12:14,937 --> 00:12:19,507
[Laughing] [Laughing nervously]
313
00:12:19,508 --> 00:12:22,310
That day, my mom's guilt trip
worked a little too well.
314
00:12:22,311 --> 00:12:24,779
My dad actually went down
to the local dump
315
00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:27,182
and searched for our art
with a can-do attitude.
316
00:12:27,183 --> 00:12:31,820
[Bleep]
317
00:12:31,821 --> 00:12:36,491
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
318
00:12:36,492 --> 00:12:38,960
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
319
00:12:38,961 --> 00:12:42,030
Man, look at our moves!
Our lines are so crisp.
320
00:12:42,031 --> 00:12:45,066
in your face, Erica!
321
00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:47,702
Wait, I'm confused.
322
00:12:47,703 --> 00:12:50,104
How exactly is this a joke on Erica?
323
00:12:50,106 --> 00:12:52,141
Um, earth to Chad Kremp.
324
00:12:52,141 --> 00:12:55,410
It's called a parody,
like weird Al. Look him up.
325
00:12:55,411 --> 00:12:58,179
But weird Al changes the song into a joke.
326
00:12:58,180 --> 00:13:00,048
This is clearly a labor of love
327
00:13:00,049 --> 00:13:01,683
executed by two superfans.
328
00:13:01,684 --> 00:13:03,751
Hangin' tough
329
00:13:03,752 --> 00:13:06,187
[Door creaks]
330
00:13:06,188 --> 00:13:08,990
So, apparently, that whole
revenge plot on Erica?
331
00:13:08,991 --> 00:13:10,591
It took a strange turn.
332
00:13:10,592 --> 00:13:12,059
It seems like it, yes.
333
00:13:12,060 --> 00:13:14,829
- You need to destroy that tape!
- For sure.
334
00:13:14,830 --> 00:13:17,465
But I didn't.
That was some of my best work.
335
00:13:17,466 --> 00:13:19,433
So I hid it under my bed...
336
00:13:19,434 --> 00:13:22,336
A decision I would quickly regret.
337
00:13:22,337 --> 00:13:24,539
Listen up, everybody,
if you wanna take a chance
338
00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:26,774
[Laughter]
339
00:13:26,775 --> 00:13:30,711
Just get on the floor
and do the new kids dance
340
00:13:30,712 --> 00:13:33,414
[Laughter]
Don't worry 'bout nothin'
341
00:13:33,415 --> 00:13:34,749
Hey, come on in.
342
00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:36,684
We're just having a little
video premiere party.
343
00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,986
- No!
-
Hangin' tough
344
00:13:38,987 --> 00:13:40,988
Adam, I thought you destroyed the tape.
345
00:13:40,989 --> 00:13:44,492
I couldn't do it! Our lines were so crisp.
346
00:13:44,493 --> 00:13:47,795
Dude, this is way worse than Erica's tape
'cause at least she was, like, young...
347
00:13:47,796 --> 00:13:48,963
And a girl.
348
00:13:48,964 --> 00:13:50,998
I'm sorry, Adam, I didn't wanna watch,
349
00:13:50,999 --> 00:13:52,967
but then I just couldn't look away.
350
00:13:52,968 --> 00:13:54,902
We've watched this video four times.
351
00:13:54,903 --> 00:13:56,303
Boy: We're watching it again!
352
00:13:56,304 --> 00:13:58,572
- All: Yes!
-
We're rough!
353
00:13:58,573 --> 00:13:59,874
Oh, oh, oh...
354
00:13:59,875 --> 00:14:02,443
[Turns off TV] Guys, come on.
355
00:14:02,444 --> 00:14:04,445
You showed that video to all my friends
356
00:14:04,446 --> 00:14:07,047
- and the girl of my dreams?
- And my girlfriend!
357
00:14:07,048 --> 00:14:08,716
I can only take so many hits like that
358
00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,818
before she comes to her senses
and dumps me.
359
00:14:10,819 --> 00:14:13,254
I mean, you handed me the ammo.
What did you expect me to do?
360
00:14:13,255 --> 00:14:15,656
Oh, please! You've always had the ammo.
361
00:14:15,657 --> 00:14:17,825
'Cause we're the easiest targets
on the planet!
362
00:14:17,826 --> 00:14:20,027
Making fun of Adam for his lazy eye
363
00:14:20,028 --> 00:14:22,096
and his inability to hit a baseball,
364
00:14:22,097 --> 00:14:23,964
and his stupid haircut.
365
00:14:23,965 --> 00:14:25,599
- His bad breath...
- Okay, okay, okay.
366
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,900
And then there's me!
367
00:14:26,901 --> 00:14:28,802
Always gunning for one
of my many awesome qualities
368
00:14:28,803 --> 00:14:30,304
that you feel threatened by.
369
00:14:30,305 --> 00:14:32,906
Just once we had the upper hand.
370
00:14:32,907 --> 00:14:34,241
Oh, I see, so you can dish it out,
371
00:14:34,242 --> 00:14:35,342
but you can't take it.
372
00:14:35,343 --> 00:14:37,778
We always take it!
373
00:14:37,779 --> 00:14:40,080
You're our big sister.
You're supposed to protect us,
374
00:14:40,081 --> 00:14:41,915
but you always just make things worse.
375
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,254
While my sister was feeling like garbage,
376
00:14:47,255 --> 00:14:49,289
my dad was still knee-deep in it.
377
00:14:49,290 --> 00:14:51,825
- You gotta be kidding me.
- As fate would have it,
378
00:14:51,826 --> 00:14:55,362
he stumbled upon a box of children's art.
379
00:14:55,363 --> 00:14:58,265
Oh! [Laughs] Yeah!
380
00:14:58,266 --> 00:15:00,634
Unfortunately, my dad had no freaking clue
381
00:15:00,635 --> 00:15:02,035
it wasn't ours.
382
00:15:02,036 --> 00:15:03,770
Whoa, now. What's happening?
383
00:15:03,771 --> 00:15:06,907
You would not believe my luck, Al.
384
00:15:06,908 --> 00:15:08,275
I went down to the dump,
385
00:15:08,276 --> 00:15:10,510
and I actually found one of the boxes.
386
00:15:10,511 --> 00:15:11,645
And I had 'em framed.
387
00:15:11,646 --> 00:15:14,014
I really hope that wasn't expensive.
388
00:15:14,015 --> 00:15:16,316
[Lowered voice] Incredibly expensive.
389
00:15:16,317 --> 00:15:17,951
[Normal voice] You know,
at first, I was doing this
390
00:15:17,952 --> 00:15:19,853
so Bev wouldn't hold it over me forever,
391
00:15:19,854 --> 00:15:21,655
but as I look at my children's art,
392
00:15:21,656 --> 00:15:24,157
I realize I was wrong to throw it away.
393
00:15:24,158 --> 00:15:26,493
Out of curiosity, who would this be?
394
00:15:26,494 --> 00:15:29,996
Well, that's, uh, me, uh, and Mr. Chair.
395
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:32,199
And since when does Mr. Chair have wheels?
396
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,901
And since when is your name "Abuela"?
397
00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:36,336
What do you think that means?
398
00:15:36,337 --> 00:15:39,739
It means this is someone's
Hispanic wheelchair grandma,
399
00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:43,476
and you've spent a fortune
framing a stranger's art.
400
00:15:43,477 --> 00:15:44,511
Huh.
401
00:15:44,512 --> 00:15:47,514
Also, this call came in. [Beep]
402
00:15:47,515 --> 00:15:49,049
Man: Hey, Jenkintown Storage.
403
00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:51,985
That larger unit opened up
for your boxes and your trunk.
404
00:15:51,986 --> 00:15:53,787
Give us a call. [Beep]
405
00:15:53,788 --> 00:15:55,655
[Dial tone, beep] Huh.
406
00:15:55,656 --> 00:15:57,991
You know what I think happened?
407
00:15:57,992 --> 00:16:00,460
I think Bevy lied
and made a fool out of you.
408
00:16:00,461 --> 00:16:01,961
Huh.
409
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,164
Huh.
410
00:16:04,901 --> 00:16:07,679
It had been two days since
Erica outed us as blockheads
411
00:16:07,681 --> 00:16:08,948
and we still weren't talking to her.
412
00:16:08,950 --> 00:16:11,937
Hey, guys. Got a couple cold ones.
413
00:16:11,939 --> 00:16:15,208
I decline your hollow peace
offering of an ecto cooler.
414
00:16:15,209 --> 00:16:17,411
And I will take it,
but it changes nothing.
415
00:16:17,412 --> 00:16:19,746
Come on, guys. You can't give me
the silent treatment forever.
416
00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:22,015
Oh, we can, and we will.
417
00:16:22,016 --> 00:16:23,583
Too much finger. Put it down.
418
00:16:23,584 --> 00:16:24,785
Enough, okay?
419
00:16:24,786 --> 00:16:27,587
Brothers and sisters torture each other.
That's how it works.
420
00:16:27,588 --> 00:16:30,057
If you're so upset about it,
then just do it back.
421
00:16:30,058 --> 00:16:32,492
We'd like to, believe me,
but here's the thing...
422
00:16:32,493 --> 00:16:34,795
That new kids ammo
is all we ever had on you.
423
00:16:34,796 --> 00:16:36,897
Please stop acting like I'm so perfect.
424
00:16:36,898 --> 00:16:38,098
You saw my video.
425
00:16:38,099 --> 00:16:40,634
I had braces and glasses and frizzy hair.
426
00:16:40,635 --> 00:16:44,137
[Lisping] Look at this!
This is what braces look like,
427
00:16:44,138 --> 00:16:46,306
not your cute little metal ones.
428
00:16:46,307 --> 00:16:49,576
Mine has a chin strap. A chin strap!
429
00:16:49,577 --> 00:16:51,811
Okay! You're pathetic fish in a barrel.
430
00:16:51,812 --> 00:16:53,146
What do you want from me?
431
00:16:53,147 --> 00:16:55,482
To stop humiliating and belittling us.
432
00:16:55,483 --> 00:16:58,485
We're just asking for basic human decency.
433
00:16:58,486 --> 00:16:59,519
What all men want!
434
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:00,654
[Inhales deeply]
435
00:17:00,655 --> 00:17:03,256
Ooh, God. I can't do it.
436
00:17:03,257 --> 00:17:05,225
I'd like to say yes, but it's impossible.
437
00:17:05,226 --> 00:17:07,827
Right, 'cause you have the power.
438
00:17:07,828 --> 00:17:11,498
You always have the power.
I hope it feels good.
439
00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:16,469
While Erica was striking out with us,
440
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:19,039
my dad hoped to strike back
against my mom.
441
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,608
Oh, wow.
442
00:17:21,609 --> 00:17:24,377
Uh, what's going on here?
443
00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:25,779
Good news, honey.
444
00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:28,448
I just spent six hours
wading through toxic garbage,
445
00:17:28,449 --> 00:17:30,316
and look, I found our kids' art!
446
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:31,985
Great! [Chuckles]
447
00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:33,253
You were right.
448
00:17:33,254 --> 00:17:35,722
From now on, we're keeping
every piece of art
449
00:17:35,723 --> 00:17:39,425
'cause each one is a masterpiece of love.
450
00:17:40,497 --> 00:17:42,395
You know about the storage unit.
451
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:43,997
Of course I know!
452
00:17:43,998 --> 00:17:46,199
You made me go to the dump!
453
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,433
Well, what was I supposed to do?
454
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,302
You were gonna throw it all away.
455
00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:51,471
Secret storage was my only option.
456
00:17:51,472 --> 00:17:53,907
I just want one room
with my special things.
457
00:17:53,908 --> 00:17:56,776
And now I guess you're gonna
take that away, too, huh?
458
00:17:56,777 --> 00:17:58,211
And that's when my dad
459
00:17:58,212 --> 00:18:00,213
decided to stop torturing my mom.
460
00:18:00,214 --> 00:18:02,749
Actually, I already did.
461
00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:05,618
Turns out, my dad was
sentimental after all.
462
00:18:05,619 --> 00:18:09,355
You schlepped it all back? For me?
463
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:12,458
Just do me a favor and try to...
464
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:15,328
Thin it out a little bit.
465
00:18:15,329 --> 00:18:18,898
- But won't you miss your garage?
- Yeah...
466
00:18:18,899 --> 00:18:23,069
But you never know, one of our morons
can turn out to be the next Einstein.
467
00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:24,404
The right stuff
468
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,742
Hey, need a ride?
469
00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:33,212
- Uh, no.
- We're gonna walk, thanks.
470
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,714
Wait, come on, just...
471
00:18:34,715 --> 00:18:37,316
- Come back!
- Wow, nice new kids shirt.
472
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,417
You got us good.
473
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,052
I'm not wearing it to bust on you.
474
00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:41,587
It's an olive branch.
475
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:44,790
I could see it in your walk,
tell it when you walk
476
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,626
New kids third row center?
477
00:18:46,627 --> 00:18:48,594
Look, I thought we could go.
478
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,764
Sure, I'm too old to like them,
and you're... dudes,
479
00:18:51,765 --> 00:18:54,900
but everyone has that band
that they listen to in secret.
480
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,803
So why can't we just go have
fun at the concert and own it?
481
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,006
But... what if someone sees us there?
482
00:19:00,007 --> 00:19:02,375
I'm your big sister. I'll protect you.
483
00:19:02,376 --> 00:19:05,311
That was the beginning of
our sister having our back...
484
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,079
When she felt like it.
485
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:10,049
It was also the beginning
of my mom letting go...
486
00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:13,552
You know, I thought maybe
we should hang this one up.
487
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,988
And my dad learning the value
of holding on.
488
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:19,058
And all that I wanted was you
489
00:19:19,059 --> 00:19:20,759
Turns out, being called "babby"
490
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,194
did make him feel something.
491
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:25,030
And as we danced in a sea
of 12-year-old girls,
492
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:27,666
we realized that
some things from your past
493
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,268
are worth hanging on to.
494
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:31,003
Donnie!
495
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,905
You're the best!
496
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:35,641
Yeah! He pointed at me!
497
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:37,509
Sure, you might think
you've outgrown them,
498
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,646
but deep down, they always
stay in your heart.
499
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:43,048
That's why it's nice
to hold on to your memories,
500
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,451
even if they're tucked
in the back of your closet,
501
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:48,087
to remind you of where you came from
502
00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:49,621
and the people who knew you when.
503
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,457
The right stuff
[Switch clicks]
504
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:56,795
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
505
00:19:56,796 --> 00:20:01,800
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
506
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:07,139
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
507
00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:11,977
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
508
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:16,949
Listen up, everybody,
if you wanna take a chance
509
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:21,720
Just get on the floor
and do the new kids dance
510
00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:25,504
All right, and we're rolling.
511
00:20:25,505 --> 00:20:29,107
World's most badass "Hangin' Tough"
music video ever made, take one.
512
00:20:29,108 --> 00:20:31,810
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
513
00:20:34,113 --> 00:20:39,028
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
514
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,284
Get loose, everybody
515
00:20:40,286 --> 00:20:43,889
'Cause we're gonna do our thing
516
00:20:43,890 --> 00:20:48,827
'Cause you know it ain't over
till the fat lady sings
517
00:20:48,828 --> 00:20:51,463
Hangin' Tough
518
00:20:51,464 --> 00:20:53,999
Hangin' Tough
519
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,703
Hangin' Tough
520
00:20:57,704 --> 00:20:59,938
We're rough
Rough, rough, rough
521
00:20:59,939 --> 00:21:02,515
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
522
00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:07,115
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40383
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