All language subtitles for Letterkenny s02e01 A Fuss at the AG Hall.eng

Attention.

An amateur MMA asshole

asks you to engage in
aggressive altercation.

Who the fuck is the
toughest guy in here?

That'd be me.

- Bullshit.
- Bopped you so bad in the bean

you were beyond ass-backwards.

No blood, albeit bloody brutal.

- Clunk.
- Clocked your carriage,

clipped your canopy,
caught your conscious

with a carefully concocted
combative cuffing.

- Dink.
- Decked you defiantly.

- Easy.
- Ended you efficiently.

- Fuckin'...
- Fucked your face up

from front to Finland in
a fairly unfair fashion

unfortunately for females.

- Goof.
- So you got up,

gathered your goods, guts and gonads,

got after the goofy goon,
gave glory a good go.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

- Have at 'er.
- Hucked a haymaker.

- Instantly.
- Irked the idiot.

- Jackass.
- Out-juked the jerk.

Out-jabbed the joker.
Out-jammed the juice head.

- K.
- King Kong threw a karate kick

that kinda caught you in the kisser.

- Loser.
- But that legend lady luck

was lingering and you left you

with only a lovely
little lump on your lip.

- Mint.
- But maybe mention

you may use MMA, Mr. Muay Thai.

- Nincompoop.
- Knees are unnecessary.

- Over it.
- Okay, onwards.

- Please.
- You out-punched the prick.

Out-played the peasant.

Pushed proper pugnacity on the pinhead,

left him praying for peace

while Peter Piper picked
a peck of pickled peppers.

- Quickly.
- He got queasy,

wanted to quit, folks were
quoted as quietly quipping

he looked like a quirky,
quackish queen on Quaaludes.

- Right.
- Roughed up the rook.

Wrecked his reality. Ruined his rep.

- Superb.
- You socked the sucker.

Slammed the sally. Secured the scuffle

by successfully out-scrapping the skirt.

- Tremendous.
- You took over the tiff.

Out-tangoed the tosser.

Tough titties on that
trade, you twit. No truce.

- Unreal.
- Utterly.

- Violent.
- Very.

- Wonderful.
- Well, whatever...

- Exceptional.
- Exactly.

- Yup.
- Yup.

- Zebra?
- Zip it.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Subtitle by peritta

Tell us about your
date last night, Wayne.

Hard to the fuckin' no.

Pitter-patter.

Oh, I'd rather have a
cup-a-fart in the face.

What's cup-a-fart?

Oh, that's when you farts into your hand

and then cup it like you're
transporting a tiny bird

and release it into the
face of an unsuspecting pal.

There could be worse things.

You're up!

Well, for starters, I ran late chorin',

so I didn't have time
to get the truck washed

- before I went over there.
- So?

Well, so what if Dad's standing there

when I come up the laneway

to pick up his daughter
with a dirty truck?

- He'd say, "Who's this tit?"
- Fair.

And I barely got the truck in
park before she hops in there

so I can't get the door for her.

- So?
- Well, so what if

Mom's standing there
and I come up the laneway

to pick up her daughter and
I don't get the door for her?

She'd say, "Who's this nut tugger?"

- Fair.
- I couldn't get my footing

after the rocky start

so nothin' to report thereafter, fuck.

Well, you lived to fight another day.

Well, I am lookin' for love.

Boy, howdy.

Like I've been going on dates

and will be going on other dates.

- Get after it.
- Like if there was a general theme,

like, for the next six weeks,

it would be, "Wayne's looking for love."

(FARTING)

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

Could be worse things.

- Gentlemen.
- How're ya now?

- Perfect.
- Good 'n you?

Same bat time. Same bat channel.

Eh, shirt-tuckers?

Now, I'd say give your balls a tug,

but it looks like your
pants are doing that for you.

You look like you could lose a
hand in there playin' pocket pool.

WAYNE: Here's a poem.

Star light, star bright,

why the fuck you got earrings on?

Bet your lobes ain't the only thing
that got a hole punched in 'em.

See the muscle shirt came today.

- Muscles comin' tomorrow?
- You get a tracking number?

Oh, I hope he got a tracking number.

That package is gonna be smaller than
the one you're currently sporting.

- WAYNE: Tall order, Dary.
- You ever had a cup-a-fart?

You can cup-a-fuck off.

Hey, Katy.

Hi, Dan.

Gentlemen.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

- (ENGINE STARTING)
- STEWART: Seatbelt.

That kid's a polished turd.

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Heard about you and your sweetie, buddy.

Heard she cheated on you, buddy.

That's a real kick in the knackers, bro.

Just a real ouchie, bro.

- (ENGINE STARTING)
- (MUSIC CONTINUES)

Wait, does Stewart get points
for opening Katy's door?

Johnny Cash could have
stepped out of that shit box

and I'd still say,
"Why is it not clean?"

Well, should we jump
into Dary's shit box

and go to the Ags Hall?

(DARYL GROANING)

Now, I know McMurray's meetings
can be a bits of a chore.

Even worse when Mrs. McMurray's there.

But the Ags Hall is as
much ours as anyone else's,

and we should be there for
the important decisions-making.

Squirrelly Dan, you'll be
snoring within the first five

and I'd bet as many bucks on it.

Well, I had my coffee today
so I will takes that bet.

You don't need to shake, I trust ya.

It's 'cause I cup-a-fart, isn't it?

(SNORING)

McMURRAY: That was a very productive

first hour and 45 minutes, I must say.

On to item number 29 of 39.

Yep!

It's still item number 28,
baby. Item 28 is a two-part item.

Huh! Thank you, darlin'.

MRS. McMURRAY: You're welcome, baby.

McMURRAY: All right,
on to item 28, part B.

I, McMurray, motion that the
front weather mat be changed,

from a Remington charcoal,
four-foot by eight-foot

by three-millimeter
thick rubber doormat,

to a raisin charcoal

three-foot by six-foot
by three-millimeter thick

ribbed vinyl boot tray.

It came in a gainsboro Grey also,
which is a pale tone of Grey.

- That's correct. It also came in puce.
- Puce is a warm Grey, tonally.

Grey tones don't clean
up as well as dark tones.

Hence, the raisin charcoal.

Better look goddamn clean after
you're done cleanin' the cocksucker,

- that's what I always say. (SCOFFS)
- McMURRAY: Mmm-hmm.

Would a member second my motion?

- I second, baby.
- (GAVEL BANGS)

- I second so hard.
- Thank you, baby,

I knew you'd second the
shit right out of it.

- Dan!
- (SNORING)

- Daniel.
- Mm, he's a real deep sleeper.

Oh, super deep.

Like he fell asleep at the IMAX
during Transformers 2.

Fell asleep riding the back
of a garbage truck one time.

- Intolerable.
- Daniel!

Do you know dogs sleep
for 80% of their lives?

You wanna know what?
He might be faking it.

- DARYL: He's faking it.
- WAYNE: Oh, he's faking it.

- DARYL: I can see he's faking it.
- Are you faking it, Dan?

Look, I can see one
of his eyes are open.

- WAYNE: Yeah, he's faking it.
- Daniel!

Don't touch it, it hurts.

You better cut out all
that goddamn snoring

before I stuff a cocksuckin' work sock

down your skull cave.

Keep going, baby. Everybody's listening.

- Everybody loves you.
- Thank you, darlin'.

You better listen to her, Daniel.

Now,

I'm sure you no doubt
have all noticed that

we are down to one dozen coat
hangers in the front hall.

There are approximately
twelve dozen in the rear hall.

All standard steel wire, baby?

All standard steel wire in
a flattened triangular shape.

I, McMurray, motion that one dozen
be transported to the front hall.

- K.
- Wayne.

Wayne, Wayne, Wayne. Wayne. Wayne.

Wayne. Look at me, Wayne. Wayne.

There is a tried, tested
and true system at work here.

And, as President of
the Agricultural Hall,

I must demand it be respected.

One member makes a motion.

Then another member
then seconds that motion.

Second, K.

K is not a second.

Well, it's the second time I said "K".

So you second my motion?

You want to know what? I'm
all out of seconds, bud.

So it's not a second?

Well, this is taking too many
seconds is what I'm saying.

Well, you only have to second once.

All right, give me a second.

So are you saying that you
second or that you need a second?

- Well, one second.
- All right.

Wayne, you shall be given one second.

Whilst Wayne is taking one second...

I second the fuckin' motion, McMurray!

Now move the fuckin' coat hangers!

Well, thank you, Wayne.

Let the secretary note that I, McMurray,

motioned to move one
dozen coat hangers...

I'll move the fuckin'
coat hangers myself.

Can't sit around here all fucking
day with my horn in my hands.

Got chorin' to do, for fuck's sake.

(HANGERS CLATTERING)

Would the secretary note that
aforementioned coat hangers

have such been moved.

Thanks to a very over-zealous beaver.

There's order, people,
and it must be followed.

Concluded!

Item 30 of 39.

Wayne.

Jim Dickins. How're ya now?

- Good 'n you?
- Not so bad.

Wayne, 100% bullsit 'round here.

(AUCTIONEERING) Got a bidder now, one.

Lookin' at two. Two, and
now at lookin' at three.

Three hundred now, can I get a four?

Four there now, sold.

400% bullshit 'round here.

Well, it's never so bad
it couldn't be worse.

Worse than 400% sounds an
awful lot to me like five...

(AUCTIONEERING) 500%,
now lookin' at six.

600%, lookin' at seven.

700%, can I get an eight?

Sold.

800% bullshit 'round here.

Well, meetings run a C-hair long

but it's important business so...

If someone doesn't do something
about this bullshit soon...

(AUCTIONEERING) We'll be at nine.

900%, now lookin' at 10.

Ten over there, now lookin' at 11.

- Can I get a 12...
- All right.

All right, cool it.

What would you have him do, there, Jim?

If Wayne runs for Ag Hall
president, I'll give him...

(AUCTIONEERING) One vote
right here, looking at one,

we got one vote here,
and lookin' to get two...

Well, see, now that sounds
a bit dramatic to me, Jim.

No. I don't think
that's such a bad idea.

Did that not sound a
bit dramatic to you?

I'd back that.

Well, it's bloody Shakespearean.

It'd be usurpin' the throne.

I'd back that like a spinal cord.

It just sounds dramatic to me.

(AUCTIONEERING)

- Jim!
- Tell you what, Jim...

I'll think on it.

Have a good one.

Have a good one, Jim.

One little birdie
bird flying in the sky.

We got two little birds
and we're lookin' at three.

Three little birdies,
now we're lookin' at four.

Why do birds suddenly appear
every time I auctioneer?

REILLY: Just a series of bad bounces

for a couple of stick
and pucksters, bud.

Not getting the bounces, bro.

Cut from the Letterkenny Shamrocks

in our overage year, bud.

No victory lap for the Shammy's, bro.

No victory lap, Ferda.

Ferda.

And no Katy.

- Katy-Kat stepped out.
- Two-timed.

- Played around.
- Caught a matinee.

Carried on.

(SIGHS)

You know, I should be mad,
but I'm just sort of...

BOTH: Sad.

MAN: Give your balls
a tug, you tit fucker!

Not gonna miss playing
with Shoresy, though, bud.

Always a silver lining, buddy.

You know, bud, he's right.

Game faces on, it's our first
day of senior hockey, bud.

Well, first impression's
a lasting one, bro.

Are you ready for this, bud?

Fore-check, back-check, pay check, bro.

Ding!

(LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

What the fuck are you doing?

- BARTS: What does it look like?
- YORKIE: Doing legs.

BARTS: Leg day!

Where's Stormy been? I
haven't seen her all day.

- In her pen.
- Why?

- She's being punished.
- Why?

She tried to kill her stud again.

(CHUCKLES) That's my girl.

Why?

Well, fucked if I know, Dan.

It's supposed to be natural
for animals to want to breed.

And fucked if those pups wouldn't
be as beautiful as she is.

She was a beautiful pup.

She's a beautiful dog.

- She was a gorgeous pup.
- Well, she's a gorgeous dog.

But why is she in her pen?

It's 'cause aggression's
to be discouraged.

It's like Cesar Millan says,

exercise, discipline and affection,

in that order.

I'd have a Bloody Caesar.

Do you wanna know what?
I'd have a Caesar, too.

I could have a Caesar if
you guys are havin' Caesars.

Hard to see a Caesar
and not want a Caesar.

That's actually how they market Caesars.

You should call up Gail
over at her Bed and Biscuits.

I bet ya she's got
some studs for Stormy.

Well, better to let the dust settle

on Modean's burn-down before I bug her.

We need a new bar in this town.

But why's Stormy trying
to kill all her studs?

'Cause they're sayin'
the wrong things, likely,

just like humans.

First line better be a winner.

First impression's a lasting one.

Like what?

Well, to be honest,

I've taken to breaking the ice
with the lyrics from '90s pop songs.

The words are penetrating because
she's likely heard 'em before,

but she likely won't realize
it when they're spoken

rather than sung with
musical accompaniment.

Five bucks says you cannot
successfully sell me on this.

Hey, girl, give me your heart.

Make it real or else forget about it.

That's Rob Thomas and Carlos Santanas.

K.

Hey, girl. I wanna stand
with you on a mountain

and I wanna bathe with you in the sea.

Savage Gardens.

Uh-oh.

Hey, girl,

I swear by the moon,

the stars in the sky, I'll be there.

All-4-Ones.

Well,

fuck a duck.

Hey, girl, I'll make love to you

like you want me to,
then I'll hold you tight,

baby all through the night.

Are you talking to me,
you fuckin' greaser?

You don't talk to me like
that, you fuckin' pud.

- Argh!
- I'll beat the shit outta you.

Ah! Don't!

You're real good at beatin' up Dary

and that's what I
appreciates about you, Katy.

Oh, is that what you
appreciate about me?

I'll stake 20 to 25% off her
over there, Squirrely Dan.

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, Roald, uh,

I bet you have a name for your bong.

- ROALD: Samwise Ganja.
- Cool.

ROALD: Formerly known as Paul Tokenfold.

- Awesome.
- Formerly known as Air Bud.

Hey, maybe your next one can be called

Air Bud 2: Golden Receiver.

All right, guys, we're outty.

Peace.

- (SARCASTICALLY) Peace.
- (ROALD SNORTS)

Bye, guys.

DEVON: Bye, Stewart, not Katy.

- (ROALD SNORTS)
- Pardon?

- DEVON: Huh?
- (ROALD SNORTS)

I'll be in the car.

Cool, baby.

Devon,

you may elaborate on your entanglement.

And, Roald, your exasperation.

- (SARCASTICALLY) Cool, babe.
- (ROALD SNORTS)

Speak!

My entanglement

is that when that came along,

that started happening.

Seriously, Stewart what
are you even wearing?

It's so gay.

- But you're gay.
- So what?

- He's a homophobe now, too.
- (SCOFFS)

- No!
- Yes!

I was born this way, Stewart!

We don't even know where
you are half the time.

We're going to the Weeknd show.

It's Tuesday.

No, The Weeknd is here.

In three days, yeah.

No, I mean The Weeknd is here today.

- No, it isn't.
- Yes, he is.

Who is "he"?

The Weeknd.

Wow! Slightly sexist statement

to say Saturday and Sunday
are the masculine ones.

He's a misogynist now, too!

- No.
- Yes!

I mean we are going to
see The Weeknd perform.

She's got you totally brainwashed, man.

You don't even know what day it is.

I was born this way, Stewart.

(CHUCKLES)

(SNIGGERING)

- Ahh!
- No, no, no!

- (YELLS)
- (GROANS)

(GROANS)

Did you just stab me with an EpiPen?

(GROANS)

(SHUDDERS)

- Pain is good.
- (WAILING)

- Taste three mills.
- (SCREAMS)

Oh!

Oh! What?

If any bees come in
here we are so fucked!

Don't open those peanut M&Ms, Connor!

(SCREAMS)

(ALL WAILING)

STEWART: Epinephrine OD.

Well, uh, Jimmy Dickskin...

Dickins.

Dickskin, that's what I said.

You motioned for an emergency
meeting and that's why we're all here.

Goddamn Dickskin's cuttin'
into my gin and tonic time,

that's all I know.

Dickins!

- That's what I said, Dickskin.
- (CHUCKLES)

(MUTTERING) All right, well,
Dickskin, you can have the floor.

MRS. McMURRAY: Dickskin.

After, of course, we explore the
several Agricultural Hall related issues

that I have detected
within the last 24 hours.

Pick one!

Well, as I've mentioned,
there are several

so we will begin with one of them.

Well, don't bore us, get to the chorus.

Wayne, you're uh, acting fairly curt.

I'll be fuckin' Courtney

if it gets us through
this before Christmas.

I motion Wayne assume

the title of President of the Ag Hall

effective immediately. (AUCTIONEERING)

All those in favor, gonna need one vote.

Do we have one vote?
Are we lookin' at one?

One over here, now we're gonna need two.

Two down, we got two. Lookin' at three

for Wayne for president
and we'll get it over there.

Now gonna get four,
gonna get four over here.

Now we're gonna have four over
here for Wayne for President.

Can we get five? What've we got, five?

Five over here now!
We're getting into six.

Six over here, feels good over here,

now we're lookin' at seven.

Seven over here now, can
I get an eight? Eight now,

- can we get any more here?
- (MOUTHS) You shit.

No nine, that's all
right, for my friend Wayne.

Celebrate good times. Baby get along.

Sold!

This is a fuckin' outrage.

You're out of order!
This... It wasn't...

It wasn't motioned.

That's not the right way.

There wasn't a motion.

Well, you're about to find out
how hard this job really is.

You're in the hot seat now, big boy.

It is fuckin' pipin' hot.

Like 1500 goddamn watts.

Well, you're gonna run 'er.

(MOUTHS) I love you.

(MOUTHS) I love you, so much.

Anything pressing?

- Back to chorin'.
- (BANGS GAVEL)

REILLY: Gotta break the ice here, boys.

JONESY: We gotta get
the ball rolling, bro.

First impression's gotta be a good one.

First impression's a lasting one, buddy.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Great minds think alike, buddy.

You boys wanna go wheel
some snipes after praccy?

Wheel snipe celly, boys.

Dirty fuckin' dangles, boys.

I'm married, you little bitch.

Yorkie?

Happily married. Scholtzy?

I love my wife, pussy. Fisky?

I'd fallen in with the wrong
crowd, went down a dark path.

My wife saved me. Boomtown?

I love my wife like I love doing legs.

- Okay.
- All right. Um...

You guys wanna grab
some sandos after praccy?

Crush some appies?

I'm gluten-free, you little bitch.

Yorkie?

Fuck gluten. Scholtzy?

Gluten gives me gravy pants, pussy.

Fisky?

Gluten-free, dairy-free, gaseous
intestinal by-product-free.

Boomtown?

I love gluten-free living
like I love my wife.

- Okay.
- Uh, yeah.

What... What do you guys like to do?

Winning, you little bitch.

Yorkie?

Love winning. Scholtzy?

Winning red ribbons, pussy.

Fisky?

Winning hardware,
winning gold. Boomtown?

I love winning like I
love gluten-free livin'.

Okay, we really need
to pull out the big guns

on this one here, buddy.

Dig deep. Bear down, buddy, okay?

(BOTH SNIFFING)

Have you boys ever heard of dinker-ball?

How about a round of dinker-ball, boys?

Dinker-ball?

Okay, I got this.

Okay... You see, you grab
your dink or your ball.

You scrunch it up in your hand
and then someone has to guess

whether it's a dink or a ball.

Dink or ball?

You fuckin' serious right now?

We don't want to see your junk, Schmelt.

BARTS: Put your junk away, Schmelt.

- Uh, Schmelt?
- What's Schmelt?

So the schmelts want
to play games, Yorkie.

YORKIE: Yeah, I think we got
a game for the schmelts, Barts.

You like games, right?

- Sure.
- (DOOR CLOSES)

You're out.

- Out of what?
- This.

- What's this?
- This...

Is not your crew anymore.

This is not your life anymore.

This is not the weekend.

- It's Tuesday.
- (POPS)

- But this is...
- Not your basement anymore.

This is my basement now.

And you are not welcome.

Are those loaded?

Only one way to find out.

The great playwright Anton Chekhov

invented the principle of Chekhov's Gun.

What is the principle of Chekhov's Gun?

Ha!

If in the first act you
say a gun is in the room,

then in the second act,

it must absolutely

go off.

In other words, if
you're gonna bring heat,

you better use it.

I'm preheated to 375,

ready to go to 425, big boy.

Blast off, Major Dongfucker.

(GROWLING)

(SNARLING AND YELPING)

(SNARLS)

(RETCHES)

(VOMITS)

(GASPING)

You schmelts ever
played Duck, Duck, Goose?

Yeah, with the four-to
six-year-old group

we had at hockey summer camp.

What are we, four-to
six-year-olds, boys?

I guess you're four-to six-year-olds.

(LAUGHS)

You schmelts ready?

Close your eyes.

BOTH: Duck.

BOTH: Duck.

BOTH: Duck.

BOTH: Duck.

BOTH: Duck.

BOTH: Goose!

(FARTING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Schmelts are gongshows, boys.

Schmelts are gongers.

This is better than doing
legs, you little bitch. Yorkie?

Let's do legs right now. Scholtzy?

I love doing legs, pussy. Fisky?

Stairs. Works calves,
quads, glutes. Boomtown?

I love doing stairs like I love winning.

Let's do this, boys!

(ALL CHEERING)

(RHYTHMIC GRUNTING)

How many games in this season, buddy?

42, buddy.

(SNIFFS)

Do you have any baby wipes?

I don't, buddy.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

There's been...

An uprising.

K.

- I'm homeless.
- K.

- Wayne.
- Hard no.

If a man asks you for
help, you help him.

You're gonna work the
ground game, then, huh, Katy?

If you asked me for help...

I would help you.

Oh, look, they're comin'
land, sea and air now.

- You can stay here.
- Wondrous!

For a couple of days.

Favorable.

That's 48 hours, max.

Satisfactory.

(SIGHS) We'll put your
shit in the spare bedroom.

Come on.

(CAR APPROACHING)

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

WAYNE: Hold it!

End of the laneway. Don't
come on the property.

- Rematch.
- K.

Knocked you out. Can't
believe you got back up.

You come here to throw fists
or flap lips there, big shooter?

You suckered him.

Still knocked him the fuck out.

Then he got back up and knocked you out.

- So rubber match then.
- We already established that.

Unless you wanna do some more talking.

Good amount of chin-wagging
goin' on over there.

All right, I suckered you.

So we shake hands, clear
the air, then we square off.

Good enough.

(UPTEMPO ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(EXHALES)

You're fuckin' 10 ply, bud.

Subtitle by peritta

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0