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1
00:00:01,008 --> 00:00:03,960
Hot in Cleveland is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,011 --> 00:00:09,182
Councilwoman, you honor
us with your presence.
3
00:00:09,216 --> 00:00:10,383
This is crazy.
4
00:00:10,434 --> 00:00:12,385
You won a city council post.
5
00:00:12,436 --> 00:00:15,772
Why is everyone treating you
like you're the Godfather?
6
00:00:19,393 --> 00:00:22,061
The councilwoman says it would
be a shame if something were
7
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:27,534
to happen to those legs
you so shamelessly display.
8
00:00:27,568 --> 00:00:29,486
Councilwoman.
9
00:00:29,537 --> 00:00:33,706
I bring you special cannolis
prepared by my wife.
10
00:00:33,741 --> 00:00:38,828
[As Brando] This is
a nice thing you do for me.
11
00:00:38,879 --> 00:00:40,497
Councilwoman, a request.
12
00:00:40,548 --> 00:00:44,551
Food inspectors, they come here,
they give me a "B."
13
00:00:44,585 --> 00:00:48,671
I say to my staff, for justice
we must go to Councilwoman Ostrovsky.
14
00:00:48,722 --> 00:00:52,008
I see an "A" in your future.
15
00:00:52,059 --> 00:00:54,260
Thank you, Councilwoman.
16
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:56,729
How are you going to get them
to change the grade?
17
00:00:56,764 --> 00:01:01,518
Don't ask me about my business, Joy.
18
00:01:01,569 --> 00:01:02,902
Look, it's Victoria.
19
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,572
Is that academy award-winner,
Victoria Chase?
20
00:01:05,606 --> 00:01:07,607
It is, it is!
21
00:01:07,658 --> 00:01:09,359
Oh, stop.
22
00:01:09,410 --> 00:01:11,611
This is so embarrassing. [giggles]
23
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,949
Not bad, but you forgot, "she's
even more beautiful in person."
24
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,534
Oh, look what I got.
25
00:01:17,585 --> 00:01:21,337
It's a fake Oscar
I found at a novelty store.
26
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,339
I'm gonna use it
to figure out the best place
27
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:26,593
to display my real one when it arrives.
28
00:01:26,627 --> 00:01:28,845
You know, I read that when you
won, 80% of American's thought
29
00:01:28,879 --> 00:01:32,215
that John Travolta read the wrong name.
30
00:01:35,219 --> 00:01:39,138
Did I mention it's also a water pistol?
31
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,523
[text alert plays]
32
00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:41,891
Oh, it's from Mitch.
33
00:01:41,942 --> 00:01:43,776
He's going out of town for a few days.
34
00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:46,446
It says, "I miss you already."
35
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,731
- Aw. You look very happy, Joy.
- I am.
36
00:01:48,782 --> 00:01:50,533
But I'm scared to trust it.
37
00:01:53,370 --> 00:01:55,822
The moment I just come out
and say I'm happy,
38
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,790
and I'm in love with Mitch.
39
00:01:57,825 --> 00:01:59,876
[text alert plays]
40
00:01:59,910 --> 00:02:02,412
Oh, my God! Something awful has happened!
41
00:02:02,463 --> 00:02:04,130
It's Simon.
42
00:02:04,164 --> 00:02:05,999
I haven't heard from him in months, and now
43
00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:09,135
out of the blue he wants to video chat?
44
00:02:09,169 --> 00:02:11,254
Oh, I should get this over with right now
45
00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:13,306
and tell him about Mitch.
46
00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:15,975
- But I can't.
- Why not?
47
00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:18,094
I can't video chat like this.
48
00:02:18,145 --> 00:02:20,146
You have to look your sexiest
when you're telling a man
49
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:21,931
you're never going to have sex
with him again.
50
00:02:21,982 --> 00:02:24,767
[overlapping agreement]
51
00:02:24,818 --> 00:02:26,569
Shall I clear the table?
52
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:27,687
Oh, thank you.
53
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,606
Oh, I've seen these.
54
00:02:29,657 --> 00:02:31,574
It's a water gun, right?
55
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:32,692
Leave the gun.
56
00:02:32,743 --> 00:02:35,745
Take the cannolis.
57
00:02:39,917 --> 00:02:44,537
There, this will take care of the shadows.
58
00:02:44,588 --> 00:02:47,006
You're all set for your video chat.
59
00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,875
Just remember, your right side
is your best,
60
00:02:48,926 --> 00:02:51,010
never show the left side of your face.
61
00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,712
What's wrong with my left side?
62
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,931
Nothing, it's gorgeous.
63
00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:57,216
- But you just said...
- Melanie, hello!
64
00:02:57,267 --> 00:02:59,052
Something terrible just happened.
65
00:02:59,103 --> 00:03:01,220
- A cop just gave me a ticket.
- What?
66
00:03:01,271 --> 00:03:04,023
We can't flirt our way
out of tickets in Cleveland?
67
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:06,225
Why even live here?
68
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:07,777
No, it was a female cop.
69
00:03:07,811 --> 00:03:10,229
And I got caught up in
the whole Elka Godfather thing.
70
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,532
And I said, if the ticket
would somehow go away,
71
00:03:12,566 --> 00:03:14,434
that Elka would give her a promotion.
72
00:03:14,468 --> 00:03:15,535
Now she's going to investigate Elka.
73
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:17,453
Why would you do that?
74
00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:19,656
I'm weak. I'm Fredo.
75
00:03:19,707 --> 00:03:21,074
Ugh!
76
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,125
[text alert plays] - Oh, my God.
77
00:03:22,159 --> 00:03:23,610
It's Simon.
78
00:03:23,644 --> 00:03:24,811
Okay, just remember, your
left side's your best side.
79
00:03:24,962 --> 00:03:26,412
No, no, no, her right side
is her best side.
80
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,580
Her left side is crap.
81
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,748
No, her right side is crap.
82
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,216
Go!
83
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:32,418
[text alert plays]
84
00:03:34,628 --> 00:03:35,722
Hello, Simon.
85
00:03:35,756 --> 00:03:38,641
How are you?
86
00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:40,476
[Scottish accent] Joy, you look fantastic.
87
00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:41,594
Do I?
88
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,980
This is how I look all the time now.
89
00:03:44,014 --> 00:03:45,565
Since you left.
90
00:03:45,599 --> 00:03:48,735
Why are your breasts glowing?
91
00:03:48,769 --> 00:03:51,738
That happens all the time now too.
92
00:03:51,772 --> 00:03:54,273
Look, Simon...
93
00:03:54,324 --> 00:03:55,992
Joy, I'm sorry I haven't been
in touch lately,
94
00:03:56,026 --> 00:03:58,111
but I think about you all the time.
95
00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:00,196
And Owen and Wilbur. How is everyone?
96
00:04:00,247 --> 00:04:02,782
Everyone is doing great.
97
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,084
But there's something I need to tell you.
98
00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:08,538
I've met someone, and, well...
99
00:04:08,589 --> 00:04:12,625
I'm in love.
100
00:04:12,676 --> 00:04:15,845
Simon?
101
00:04:15,879 --> 00:04:17,130
You seem to have frozen.
102
00:04:17,181 --> 00:04:18,965
I don't know what you heard.
103
00:04:19,016 --> 00:04:20,600
Simon.
104
00:04:20,634 --> 00:04:24,270
Simon!
105
00:04:24,304 --> 00:04:25,805
Look close.
106
00:04:25,856 --> 00:04:27,306
Tell me what you think?
107
00:04:27,357 --> 00:04:29,976
Is this the face of a man
who just heard me say,
108
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:33,229
"I'm in love with someone else"?
109
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:34,781
I don't know.
110
00:04:34,815 --> 00:04:40,286
But this is the face of somebody
who's tired of hearing about it.
111
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,322
Joy, honey, we've been
analyzing this for two days now,
112
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:46,042
And, until you reach him, you're
not going to know what he heard.
113
00:04:46,076 --> 00:04:48,578
I think you should
just delete it and move on.
114
00:04:48,629 --> 00:04:50,079
I want to, but for some reason
115
00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:52,381
I can't seem to delete his stupid face.
116
00:04:52,416 --> 00:04:54,584
Do you think you still might
have feelings for him?
117
00:04:54,635 --> 00:04:55,835
I don't know.
118
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,003
I hope not.
119
00:04:57,054 --> 00:04:58,971
I'm so unsettled about the whole thing.
120
00:04:59,006 --> 00:05:00,556
I just wish Mitch would get back.
121
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,225
Oh, I know how you feel, honey.
122
00:05:02,259 --> 00:05:06,929
I'm waiting and hoping for my man too.
123
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:11,017
It's an Oscar, not a real man.
124
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,186
But he's made of gold,
and he has no opinions,
125
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,438
So in some ways he's better.
126
00:05:15,489 --> 00:05:17,607
That's true.
127
00:05:17,658 --> 00:05:20,276
You know, Joy, when I'm troubled
128
00:05:20,327 --> 00:05:23,996
And I want to talk things out,
I go to confession.
129
00:05:24,031 --> 00:05:27,667
The last time I went
was when Simon got me pregnant.
130
00:05:27,701 --> 00:05:32,205
I suppose God might enjoy the irony.
131
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,706
Oh, poor Joy.
132
00:05:33,757 --> 00:05:38,377
If only there was some way she
could get in touch with Simon.
133
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:41,514
I might be able to help with that.
134
00:05:44,384 --> 00:05:46,886
[upbeat music]
135
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:49,055
Ba-Ba, Ba-Ba
136
00:05:49,106 --> 00:05:52,391
Ba-Ba, Ba-Ba, hey!
137
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:54,811
Oh, my God, Simon?
138
00:05:54,862 --> 00:05:56,529
What are you doing here?
139
00:05:56,563 --> 00:05:58,064
Before the computer crashed,
140
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,316
I heard enough to know
that Joy was dumping me.
141
00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:02,819
I was on the next flight out of the Sudan.
142
00:06:02,870 --> 00:06:05,204
He got in last night.
143
00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:09,242
He stayed at my place.
144
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:12,295
Nothing happened, obviously.
145
00:06:12,329 --> 00:06:15,131
That's our story.
146
00:06:15,165 --> 00:06:17,750
Simon, you can't just leave Joy again
147
00:06:17,801 --> 00:06:20,720
And then just waltz back into
her life whenever you're ready.
148
00:06:20,754 --> 00:06:22,221
Yeah, you left.
149
00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:23,256
She found someone else. She's happy.
150
00:06:23,307 --> 00:06:25,141
- Buzz off.
- I made a mistake.
151
00:06:25,175 --> 00:06:26,592
I should've come back sooner.
152
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,895
I love her. I can't live without her.
153
00:06:28,929 --> 00:06:31,597
I need to see for myself
if this Mitch makes her feel
154
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,065
the way I used to make her feel.
155
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:34,233
And how are you going to do that?
156
00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:35,434
Just up and confront her?
157
00:06:35,485 --> 00:06:37,103
No, if I did that, she'd send me packing.
158
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,188
I need to find a way to get close to her
159
00:06:39,239 --> 00:06:40,606
without her knowing it's me
160
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:42,775
So I can soften her up a little bit first.
161
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:45,244
You know, remind her
of what I used to mean to her.
162
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,864
Mm, you mean trick her
into liking you again.
163
00:06:47,915 --> 00:06:50,867
Look, if Joy really
loves Mitch, then there's
164
00:06:50,918 --> 00:06:52,785
nothing I can say that's gonna change that.
165
00:06:52,836 --> 00:06:54,787
And if that's the case, I'll admit defeat
166
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,505
and head off back to Khartoum.
167
00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:58,791
Oh, my God, this is like something
168
00:06:58,842 --> 00:07:00,343
out of those great Rom-come.
169
00:07:00,377 --> 00:07:03,129
He flew halfway around the world
just to win her back.
170
00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:06,599
What if Simon is her true love,
and Mitch is just a rebound?
171
00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,801
I think I'm on team Simon.
172
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,469
I'm still on team Mitch.
173
00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,855
I'm sorry, Simon, but you had your chance.
174
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,640
Let me take one more shot.
175
00:07:14,691 --> 00:07:17,109
Please.
176
00:07:17,144 --> 00:07:18,811
All right.
177
00:07:18,862 --> 00:07:21,314
I need something to fill the
time until my Oscar gets here.
178
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:25,234
So is it big news in Sudan that I won?
179
00:07:25,285 --> 00:07:29,572
People are fighting and dying there.
180
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:32,959
Is that a yes or a no?
181
00:07:32,993 --> 00:07:34,961
I have an idea.
182
00:07:34,995 --> 00:07:36,579
If you need a disguise,
183
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:39,165
maybe you should be a Scottish nanny,
184
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:43,669
like Mrs. Doubtfire.
185
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:45,471
What a great movie that was.
186
00:07:45,505 --> 00:07:49,892
My favorite part
was when the pots boiled over.
187
00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:55,598
There's nothing funnier than boobs on fire.
188
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:56,933
So it's settled.
189
00:07:56,984 --> 00:07:59,318
No, it's not settled!
190
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:01,487
I'm not being Mrs. Doubtfire.
191
00:08:01,521 --> 00:08:04,073
I'll come up with something better.
192
00:08:04,107 --> 00:08:05,074
[text alert plays]
193
00:08:05,108 --> 00:08:06,442
[gasps]
194
00:08:06,493 --> 00:08:08,077
Councilwoman.
195
00:08:08,111 --> 00:08:09,862
Somebody tried to bribe a police officer
196
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,031
using your name.
197
00:08:12,082 --> 00:08:14,367
We have a rat in our midst.
198
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:19,205
This does not please me.
199
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,540
Did they mention a name?
200
00:08:21,591 --> 00:08:23,876
No, but we'll find out who it is.
201
00:08:23,927 --> 00:08:28,297
And when we do, we go to the mattresses.
202
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,053
What?
203
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:37,139
We always think better after a nice nap.
204
00:08:44,231 --> 00:08:45,698
Hello, Father.
205
00:08:45,732 --> 00:08:49,652
It's been 30 years or so
since my last confession.
206
00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:53,739
So, if I confess my sins,
it would take way too long.
207
00:08:53,790 --> 00:08:57,126
I'd actually just like to talk
about a guy, if that's okay.
208
00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,413
[resonant voice]
Tell me everything, my child.
209
00:09:05,569 --> 00:09:06,635
His name is Simon.
210
00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:09,138
Simon. There's a good strong name.
211
00:09:09,172 --> 00:09:13,175
I'm pretty sure he was one of the apostles.
212
00:09:15,478 --> 00:09:17,112
Pretty sure?
213
00:09:17,147 --> 00:09:19,715
[clears throat] Tell me about him.
214
00:09:19,749 --> 00:09:21,450
He was my first love.
215
00:09:21,484 --> 00:09:24,220
We had a child together
that I gave up for adoption,
216
00:09:24,254 --> 00:09:27,289
and just recently he's come back
into my life again.
217
00:09:27,324 --> 00:09:29,858
Sounds like you're still in love with him.
218
00:09:29,893 --> 00:09:32,127
No. I mean, I was.
219
00:09:32,162 --> 00:09:33,262
I don't know.
220
00:09:33,296 --> 00:09:35,965
I found someone else, and I'm happy.
221
00:09:35,999 --> 00:09:37,399
His name is Mitch and...
222
00:09:37,434 --> 00:09:40,469
I've never cared for that name.
223
00:09:40,503 --> 00:09:45,007
There's the story in the Bible of a Mitch
224
00:09:45,041 --> 00:09:46,442
who broke women's hearts
225
00:09:46,476 --> 00:09:51,680
and, um, fornicated with goats.
226
00:09:51,715 --> 00:09:53,716
- Really?
- Mm.
227
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:55,551
Well, my Mitch is not like that.
228
00:09:55,585 --> 00:09:58,654
When I first saw him, I had
the feeling that he was the man
229
00:09:58,688 --> 00:10:01,156
I was going to marry.
230
00:10:01,191 --> 00:10:03,158
I think he's my soul mate.
231
00:10:03,193 --> 00:10:05,628
Did you ever think Simon
was your soul mate?
232
00:10:05,662 --> 00:10:06,962
I did.
233
00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:09,765
And I felt happy and fulfilled
when he came back.
234
00:10:09,799 --> 00:10:11,567
Then he left.
235
00:10:11,601 --> 00:10:12,635
He always leaves.
236
00:10:12,669 --> 00:10:14,003
That's what he does.
237
00:10:14,037 --> 00:10:17,039
Did he leave for some vile reason?
238
00:10:17,073 --> 00:10:18,507
No.
239
00:10:18,541 --> 00:10:21,176
He stopped being a paparazzi
for me and left to do something
240
00:10:21,211 --> 00:10:24,446
noble with his life so his
grandson would be proud of him.
241
00:10:24,481 --> 00:10:28,751
So your original soul mate is a hero.
242
00:10:30,754 --> 00:10:32,154
Maybe.
243
00:10:32,188 --> 00:10:34,089
Sounds like you miss him.
244
00:10:34,124 --> 00:10:36,458
I bet he misses you too.
245
00:10:36,493 --> 00:10:39,094
I feel confused.
246
00:10:39,129 --> 00:10:43,866
Well, as the Church says,
it's good to doubt.
247
00:10:48,171 --> 00:10:50,839
You're a very unusual priest.
248
00:10:50,874 --> 00:10:56,111
Well, you know, new pope, new rules.
249
00:10:58,448 --> 00:11:00,366
Elka's going to find out I'm the rat.
250
00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:01,367
Well, so what?
251
00:11:01,418 --> 00:11:02,785
She's not really the Godfather.
252
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,286
She's not going to do anything to you.
253
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:06,205
But she's going to be
so disappointed in me.
254
00:11:06,256 --> 00:11:07,756
I mean, I'm the good one.
255
00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:08,874
I'm the sweet one.
256
00:11:08,925 --> 00:11:12,628
You have no idea what that's like.
257
00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:16,265
No, I don't, but it sounds dull.
258
00:11:16,299 --> 00:11:17,633
Oh, look, there's Joy.
259
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,635
So how did things go with the priest?
260
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:20,803
Terrible.
261
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:22,521
I went there hoping to get Simon
off my mind.
262
00:11:22,555 --> 00:11:24,306
Now he's all I can think about.
263
00:11:24,357 --> 00:11:26,558
I almost thought I smelled his cologne.
264
00:11:26,609 --> 00:11:28,027
I'm sorry, guys.
265
00:11:28,061 --> 00:11:29,361
I'm not good company right now.
266
00:11:29,396 --> 00:11:32,398
I'm just gonna take my wine to go.
267
00:11:45,245 --> 00:11:48,997
Wow, Joy really seems torn about Simon.
268
00:11:49,049 --> 00:11:50,332
I know.
269
00:11:50,383 --> 00:11:51,500
Isn't it great?
270
00:11:51,551 --> 00:11:53,802
The seed of doubt has been planted.
271
00:11:53,837 --> 00:11:56,338
She's weak and vulnerable
and drinking heavily.
272
00:11:56,389 --> 00:11:59,892
She's the woman I fell in love with.
273
00:11:59,926 --> 00:12:02,728
I'm not so sure this
is in Joy's best interest.
274
00:12:02,762 --> 00:12:05,481
I'm sorry, Simon,
but I'm on team Mitch now.
275
00:12:05,515 --> 00:12:07,516
Well, I'm switching to team Simon.
276
00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:09,184
He shows an impressive range
277
00:12:09,235 --> 00:12:11,070
and a real commitment to his character.
278
00:12:11,104 --> 00:12:13,489
- She should be with him.
- Well put.
279
00:12:13,523 --> 00:12:17,076
So I reminded her how she used
to think I was her soul mate.
280
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:21,914
Now I need to remind her of how
she used to thrill to my touch.
281
00:12:21,948 --> 00:12:25,701
[with German accent]
Just close your eyes,liebchen,
282
00:12:25,752 --> 00:12:30,672
and let Hans hands set you free.
283
00:12:30,707 --> 00:12:32,124
[Sighs sensually]
284
00:12:32,175 --> 00:12:36,345
I'm so grateful Victoria
insisted on this massage.
285
00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:39,298
I've been a bit tense lately.
286
00:12:39,349 --> 00:12:42,101
There's something very familiar
about your touch.
287
00:12:42,135 --> 00:12:43,352
Uh-uh, no looking.
288
00:12:43,386 --> 00:12:45,187
The hands become shy.
289
00:12:45,221 --> 00:12:48,941
Hans' hands are uber "Ge-shy-zingen."
290
00:12:48,975 --> 00:12:52,978
Your tenseness suggests
a lack of sexual fulfillment.
291
00:12:53,029 --> 00:12:55,564
Joy, tell me about the sex that you make.
292
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,232
Don't worry, I'm 100% gay.
293
00:12:57,234 --> 00:13:00,702
The sight of your naked body
actually repulses me.
294
00:13:00,737 --> 00:13:04,039
Oh, well...
295
00:13:04,073 --> 00:13:07,075
Sex with Mitch is actually amazing.
296
00:13:07,127 --> 00:13:08,744
And since you're gay,
297
00:13:08,795 --> 00:13:13,999
I can tell you he has the most... ow!
298
00:13:14,050 --> 00:13:15,751
So what I am hearing is,
299
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:18,754
he's not the best sex you've ever had.
300
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,973
I didn't say that!
301
00:13:21,007 --> 00:13:23,258
Well, there is another man from my past
302
00:13:23,309 --> 00:13:26,178
who is Mitch's equal, sexually.
303
00:13:26,229 --> 00:13:29,565
I've put the thought of this
wonderful man in your mind.
304
00:13:29,599 --> 00:13:32,985
I created doubt and confusion in your head.
305
00:13:33,019 --> 00:13:37,189
Oh, I feel terrible.
306
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,274
Well, I've awakened
all of the old feelings,
307
00:13:39,325 --> 00:13:42,945
and I reminded her that
I'm the best sex she ever had.
308
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:46,865
I don't think I could name a best partner.
309
00:13:46,916 --> 00:13:50,953
To me orgasms are like doughnuts.
310
00:14:00,463 --> 00:14:05,100
I never had a bad one.
311
00:14:05,134 --> 00:14:08,220
Even day-olds are just fine.
312
00:14:15,144 --> 00:14:17,863
What I need to do
is tug at Joy's heart strings.
313
00:14:17,897 --> 00:14:19,982
We share a son and a grandson.
314
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:24,486
I've got to make her realize how much
this chance to be one happy family
315
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:26,655
really means.
316
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,040
Oh, that's Joy!
317
00:14:28,074 --> 00:14:30,993
Get down.
318
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,461
I can't believe it.
319
00:14:32,495 --> 00:14:35,330
On top of everything else,
Wilbur's nanny just quit.
320
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:37,799
Apparently, she wants a family of her own.
321
00:14:37,834 --> 00:14:40,919
Well, this time I'm hiring an older nanny.
322
00:14:40,970 --> 00:14:46,808
Someone who's looking at her
uterus in the rear-view mirror.
323
00:14:46,843 --> 00:14:49,645
So Joy needs a nanny.
324
00:14:49,679 --> 00:14:52,898
Perhaps a scottish nanny.
325
00:14:52,932 --> 00:14:54,766
No.
326
00:14:54,817 --> 00:14:56,652
There has to be a better idea.
327
00:14:56,686 --> 00:15:00,322
I'm sorry, I'm having a bit
of trouble reading your resume.
328
00:15:00,356 --> 00:15:01,940
I'm a bit blind right now.
329
00:15:01,991 --> 00:15:05,277
Somehow my contacts
and my glasses disappeared.
330
00:15:05,328 --> 00:15:07,529
[Silly falsetto voice]
That's all right, dearie.
331
00:15:07,580 --> 00:15:10,532
You have a very pretty squint.
332
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,367
Really?
333
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,086
Thank you, Mrs. Mccracken.
334
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,621
Oh, please.
335
00:15:15,672 --> 00:15:18,674
Call me Elspeth.
336
00:15:21,675 --> 00:15:23,092
Well, you seem delightful,
337
00:15:23,143 --> 00:15:25,010
and whatever you're baking
in the kitchen smells wonderful.
338
00:15:25,012 --> 00:15:26,929
Do you have any questions for me?
339
00:15:26,980 --> 00:15:29,697
Well, just the one, dearie.
340
00:15:29,838 --> 00:15:34,285
I was wondering about the whereabouts
of Wilbur's grandfather.
341
00:15:34,578 --> 00:15:36,487
He's no longer around.
342
00:15:37,016 --> 00:15:39,257
We were together, but I'm
in a new relationship now
343
00:15:39,983 --> 00:15:41,283
And very happy.
344
00:15:41,318 --> 00:15:43,035
Onwards and upwards, no regrets.
345
00:15:43,270 --> 00:15:45,604
Oh, there's always regrets.
346
00:15:45,606 --> 00:15:48,324
I had a man, my first love, in fact.
347
00:15:48,358 --> 00:15:51,944
He was handsome and craggy, quite a catch.
348
00:15:51,946 --> 00:15:56,699
But then I was considered
a great beauty in my home town.
349
00:15:56,750 --> 00:16:00,836
Was it a small town?
350
00:16:00,871 --> 00:16:05,457
It was, but I didn't treat him well,
and I lost him to another woman.
351
00:16:05,508 --> 00:16:08,260
You say you're happy with your new man,
352
00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:13,015
but there must be part of you
that dreamed of keeping your clan together.
353
00:16:13,049 --> 00:16:15,184
- I suppose so.
- Mm.
354
00:16:15,218 --> 00:16:16,936
Just think of the Christmases.
355
00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:19,772
The bairn and his parents and grandparents
356
00:16:19,806 --> 00:16:21,807
all hanging stockings by the fire.
357
00:16:21,809 --> 00:16:27,446
Wilbur, Owen, Joy and...
What was the grandfather's name?
358
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,982
- Simon.
- Simon.
359
00:16:29,984 --> 00:16:34,470
Oh, goes so well on a sock.
360
00:16:34,672 --> 00:16:35,622
[Bell chimes]
361
00:16:35,673 --> 00:16:38,675
That would be my cookies.
362
00:16:42,931 --> 00:16:44,047
I've done it.
363
00:16:44,049 --> 00:16:45,766
[Normal voice] I've done it.
364
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:49,386
Her mind, her body and her heart
are all a mess, thanks to me.
365
00:16:49,437 --> 00:16:51,221
I'm going to stay in Cleveland.
366
00:16:51,223 --> 00:16:54,274
I'm going to do whatever
it takes to win her back.
367
00:16:54,309 --> 00:16:57,611
Oh, how romantic.
368
00:16:57,645 --> 00:17:01,231
Uh-oh. Those pots look
like they're boiling over.
369
00:17:01,282 --> 00:17:05,486
Oh, you're right, Mamie Sue, they are.
370
00:17:05,537 --> 00:17:06,987
What?
371
00:17:07,038 --> 00:17:10,123
I thought I was just making cookies.
372
00:17:10,158 --> 00:17:13,710
Oh, no. I know what you're doing.
373
00:17:13,745 --> 00:17:18,799
You want me to set my boobs
on fire like Mrs. Doubtfire.
374
00:17:18,833 --> 00:17:20,467
Well, it's not gonna happen,
375
00:17:20,502 --> 00:17:23,554
'cause these babies are not made of foam.
376
00:17:23,588 --> 00:17:27,341
They're a realistic mix of
popcorn kernels and birdseed.
377
00:17:29,978 --> 00:17:32,596
Now, we know why he likes Joy.
378
00:17:32,598 --> 00:17:37,651
He has no idea how a real breast feels.
379
00:17:37,685 --> 00:17:39,486
Anything I can do to help?
380
00:17:39,521 --> 00:17:41,822
[Falsetto voice]
No, everything's under control.
381
00:17:41,856 --> 00:17:43,690
Oh! Hot!
382
00:17:43,741 --> 00:17:45,742
Is everything all right?
383
00:17:45,777 --> 00:17:48,612
Ah, just a spot of bother with my rack.
384
00:17:48,663 --> 00:17:52,533
[crisp popping]
385
00:17:52,584 --> 00:17:54,117
Do I smell popcorn?
386
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:57,704
[sniffs] No, I-I don't think so.
387
00:17:57,755 --> 00:17:59,423
There's some on your blouse.
388
00:17:59,457 --> 00:18:02,843
Oh, yes, my blouse corn.
389
00:18:02,877 --> 00:18:06,046
The kiddie-winks love it.
390
00:18:06,097 --> 00:18:07,714
Well, I just remembered,
391
00:18:07,765 --> 00:18:10,717
there's another interview
that I have to go to.
392
00:18:10,768 --> 00:18:13,387
So I'll leave you with my cookies,
393
00:18:13,438 --> 00:18:15,556
and I'll, uh, pop off.
394
00:18:15,607 --> 00:18:18,609
Bye.
395
00:18:18,643 --> 00:18:23,480
-[birds cawing]
- Oh, my God, birds!
396
00:18:25,886 --> 00:18:28,169
So you just got a slap
on the wrist from the mayor?
397
00:18:28,205 --> 00:18:29,854
Well, that's not so bad.
398
00:18:29,933 --> 00:18:31,907
You probably don't even care
who the rat is anymore, right?
399
00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:34,226
Moving on. [chuckles]
400
00:18:35,429 --> 00:18:37,024
[smooches]
401
00:18:37,122 --> 00:18:38,926
I know it was you, Melanie.
402
00:18:38,989 --> 00:18:43,680
[as Brando] You broke my heart.
403
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,089
Elka, I'm so sorry.
404
00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:46,590
Can you ever forgive me?
405
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:50,128
As a sign of forgiveness,
the councilwoman has asked me
406
00:18:50,173 --> 00:18:54,181
to take you on a boat ride tomorrow.
407
00:18:56,888 --> 00:18:58,806
I just got a text from Mitch.
408
00:18:58,808 --> 00:19:01,058
He's coming back early because
he misses me so much.
409
00:19:01,109 --> 00:19:02,776
Oh, that's so sweet.
410
00:19:02,811 --> 00:19:03,861
It is.
411
00:19:03,895 --> 00:19:05,646
I have a man who comes back.
412
00:19:05,648 --> 00:19:09,233
Why am I making myself crazy
over a man who always leaves?
413
00:19:09,284 --> 00:19:11,902
I mean Mitch is rushing back
to me, and Simon is halfway
414
00:19:11,953 --> 00:19:16,156
around the world, probably not
even thinking about me.
415
00:19:16,158 --> 00:19:19,159
Although, before his face froze,
416
00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:21,545
he did say he was thinking
about me all the time.
417
00:19:21,579 --> 00:19:24,548
Oh, why can't I get him out of my head?
418
00:19:24,582 --> 00:19:26,050
Well, we just want you to be happy.
419
00:19:26,084 --> 00:19:28,635
So whoever you do choose,
we are on Team Joy.
420
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:30,587
Team Joy all the way.
421
00:19:30,638 --> 00:19:32,923
- Thanks, guys.
- [doorbell chimes]
422
00:19:32,974 --> 00:19:34,058
[gasps]
423
00:19:34,092 --> 00:19:36,643
Oh, my God, that must be my Oscar.
424
00:19:36,678 --> 00:19:38,679
Coming, darling!
425
00:19:38,681 --> 00:19:41,432
Oh, thank you, thank you!
426
00:19:41,483 --> 00:19:45,652
No, no autographs.
427
00:19:45,687 --> 00:19:47,187
This is it!
428
00:19:47,189 --> 00:19:51,108
The thing that will finally
give me peace and contentment.
429
00:19:51,159 --> 00:19:55,079
What the hell is this fat man?
430
00:19:55,113 --> 00:19:56,246
It's a Buddha.
431
00:19:56,281 --> 00:19:57,831
Well, what does a Buddha have to do
432
00:19:57,866 --> 00:20:02,002
with peace and contentment?
433
00:20:02,037 --> 00:20:07,441
Wait, if you've got someone's
Buddha, who has your Oscar?
434
00:20:07,475 --> 00:20:10,397
[both speaking Japanese]
435
00:20:10,838 --> 00:20:13,113
_
436
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,696
_
437
00:20:16,890 --> 00:20:21,388
[speaking Japanese] _
438
00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:22,773
Oh!
439
00:20:22,774 --> 00:20:26,735
_
440
00:20:26,736 --> 00:20:28,884
_
441
00:20:28,885 --> 00:20:29,955
Synced and corrected by Squallounet
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442
00:20:30,005 --> 00:20:34,555
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