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00:00:00,468 --> 00:00:03,969
ELKA:
Last time on "Hot in Cleveland" Joy met George,
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00:00:04,068 --> 00:00:07,369
a great guy who only
had 3 months to live.
3
00:00:07,468 --> 00:00:09,569
But while Joy
was helping George
4
00:00:09,603 --> 00:00:11,471
cross things
off his bucket list,
5
00:00:11,505 --> 00:00:14,274
she fell for him--hard.
6
00:00:14,308 --> 00:00:15,575
Who are you?
7
00:00:15,609 --> 00:00:18,617
Your new boyfriend.
Get used to it.
8
00:00:20,323 --> 00:00:21,805
[Laughter]
9
00:00:21,839 --> 00:00:24,398
Ah, we did it, Joy.
10
00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:27,070
To Rio and back
in under 24 hours.
11
00:00:27,104 --> 00:00:29,709
- Where's your bucket list?
- Oh!
12
00:00:29,743 --> 00:00:31,808
I am officially
crossing off
13
00:00:31,842 --> 00:00:36,335
"fly to Brazil for
a truly great cup of coffee."
14
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,863
Oh, I hadn't noticed
this one.
15
00:00:38,897 --> 00:00:42,128
"Sleep with 300 women."
16
00:00:42,163 --> 00:00:44,630
- Did I write that?
- It's underlined twice
17
00:00:44,663 --> 00:00:46,463
and all in caps.
[Sighs]
18
00:00:46,497 --> 00:00:47,531
George!
19
00:00:47,565 --> 00:00:49,133
You only have
three months to live!
20
00:00:49,168 --> 00:00:51,133
How could you possibly
sleep with 300 women?
21
00:00:51,167 --> 00:00:52,701
Hmm, you're right.
22
00:00:52,736 --> 00:00:54,504
How about I just
sleep with you 300 times?
23
00:00:54,538 --> 00:00:56,338
[Laughs]
In three months?
24
00:00:56,372 --> 00:00:58,308
Well, it's only,
like, 31/2 times a day.
25
00:00:58,342 --> 00:01:01,410
Huh, well,
we already did the half one.
26
00:01:01,444 --> 00:01:03,379
Yeah,
sorry about that.
27
00:01:03,413 --> 00:01:04,946
You know,
having sex on the beach
28
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,781
sounds like a good idea,
but then there's all the sand
29
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:07,883
and the bottle caps,
30
00:01:07,917 --> 00:01:11,452
and that kid
with the lost soccer ball.
31
00:01:11,486 --> 00:01:12,954
Marry me, Joy.
32
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:14,522
What?
33
00:01:14,556 --> 00:01:16,457
- We hardly know each other.
- What's to know?
34
00:01:16,491 --> 00:01:18,958
I've only got three months.
How bad could it be?
35
00:01:18,992 --> 00:01:21,426
You're right,
there's nothing so awful
36
00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:24,127
you can't put up with it
for three months.
37
00:01:24,161 --> 00:01:26,361
And suddenly,
that doesn't sound romantic.
38
00:01:26,395 --> 00:01:29,762
Hmm, to the contrary,
it's nothing but romantic.
39
00:01:29,797 --> 00:01:31,063
All we'll have
is the honeymoon--
40
00:01:31,097 --> 00:01:33,297
a three-month honeymoon.
41
00:01:33,332 --> 00:01:35,131
Travel the world with me.
42
00:01:40,203 --> 00:01:43,505
But I only have to put up
with it for three months!
43
00:01:43,539 --> 00:01:45,407
True!
44
00:01:45,441 --> 00:01:48,142
[Clears throat]
45
00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:50,011
I hate when you
clear your throat like that.
46
00:01:50,045 --> 00:01:53,513
But I'd only have to put up
with it for three months!
47
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,217
That is the ugliest shirt
I have ever seen,
48
00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:01,620
and I dated Jimmy Buffet.
49
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,556
I stole it out of
George's bag this morning.
50
00:02:04,590 --> 00:02:06,390
I told him I could put up
with anything for three months,
51
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:09,159
but this shirt
is too hideous,
52
00:02:09,193 --> 00:02:11,560
especially now that
I'm going to be... his wife!
53
00:02:11,595 --> 00:02:13,561
- What?
- Are you k--what?
54
00:02:13,596 --> 00:02:17,197
I give it two months.
55
00:02:18,933 --> 00:02:20,901
He has three months
to live.
56
00:02:20,935 --> 00:02:25,038
I know.
57
00:02:25,072 --> 00:02:26,239
We're getting married
on Friday,
58
00:02:26,274 --> 00:02:27,574
then we're traveling
the world together.
59
00:02:27,609 --> 00:02:31,745
Joy, are you sure
you've thought this through?
60
00:02:31,779 --> 00:02:33,012
You know,
obviously not.
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00:02:33,047 --> 00:02:36,315
I mean, how are you
going to pack for three months?
62
00:02:36,349 --> 00:02:39,351
I know I'm rushing into this,
but what's the alternative?
63
00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:42,086
George doesn't have much time,
and I truly adore him.
64
00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:44,589
You're doing
a good thing, Joy.
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00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:49,592
Having you for a wife
will make dying much easier.
66
00:02:51,528 --> 00:02:53,762
You're just mad because
you can no longer call me
67
00:02:53,796 --> 00:02:55,263
"the spinster Scroggs."
68
00:02:55,298 --> 00:02:58,265
Hmm, "the widow Scroggs"
does have a classic ring.
69
00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:59,366
Aren't you gonna
take his last name?
70
00:02:59,401 --> 00:03:00,401
You've always hated yours.
71
00:03:00,435 --> 00:03:02,403
Yes, but George's
is worse.
72
00:03:02,437 --> 00:03:03,637
Well, how much worse
could it be?
73
00:03:03,671 --> 00:03:05,639
Believe me,
it's gross.
74
00:03:05,673 --> 00:03:07,107
Well, come on,
it can't be that bad.
75
00:03:07,142 --> 00:03:10,511
His last name
is "Gross."
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00:03:10,545 --> 00:03:12,746
I'd be "the widow Gross."
[Doorbell rings]
77
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,315
Oh, I wonder
who that could be.
78
00:03:14,349 --> 00:03:17,351
Probably my twin sister.
79
00:03:17,385 --> 00:03:18,452
Your what?
80
00:03:18,486 --> 00:03:20,821
- You have a twin?
- Elka...
81
00:03:20,856 --> 00:03:22,723
Why did you
never mention this?
82
00:03:22,758 --> 00:03:26,694
I'm an enigma,
wrapped inside a conundrum,
83
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:29,330
shrouded in dimples.
84
00:03:29,364 --> 00:03:31,532
Why hasn't
she visited before?
85
00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:33,701
We had a big fight.
86
00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:36,871
We haven't spoken in 40 years!
[Doorbell rings]
87
00:03:36,905 --> 00:03:40,374
But Joy's dying guy
got me thinking,
88
00:03:40,409 --> 00:03:43,177
maybe it's time
we let bygones be bygones.
89
00:03:43,211 --> 00:03:45,512
Oh, that's so sweet.
You're gonna patch things up.
90
00:03:45,547 --> 00:03:47,848
[Doorbell rings]
91
00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:50,617
I forgot
how needy she was.
92
00:03:50,651 --> 00:03:54,654
I'm annoyed already.
93
00:04:01,127 --> 00:04:02,093
Elka!
94
00:04:02,128 --> 00:04:05,363
Anka!
[Laughter]
95
00:04:06,899 --> 00:04:09,500
Both: Ah...
96
00:04:09,535 --> 00:04:13,537
Both: You look terrible!
97
00:04:15,535 --> 00:04:20,537
Sync, corrected by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
98
00:04:22,779 --> 00:04:25,215
What have you done
to our face?
99
00:04:25,249 --> 00:04:26,215
Me?
100
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:29,252
What about you?
"Natural aging."
101
00:04:29,286 --> 00:04:32,422
Disgusting!
102
00:04:32,956 --> 00:04:36,626
Where's the famous
Ostrovsky neck freckle?
103
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:38,094
You had it removed!
104
00:04:38,128 --> 00:04:39,629
Oh, please.
105
00:04:39,664 --> 00:04:43,269
After five facelifts,
it's on my forehead!
106
00:04:45,303 --> 00:04:47,237
Oh, Anka, would you like
something to eat?
107
00:04:47,271 --> 00:04:48,671
Oh, no,
thank you, no.
108
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:51,507
I couldn't eat with that
freakish thing in the room.
109
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,576
Yeah, Joy puts me
off my food too.
110
00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:56,445
No, no, no,
I--I meant the shirt.
111
00:04:56,479 --> 00:05:00,181
Relax, I'm tossing it
in the rubbish right now.
112
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,184
So, 40 years.
That must've been some fight.
113
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,587
- Horrible.
- Oh, vicious.
114
00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:07,622
What was it about again?
115
00:05:07,656 --> 00:05:11,659
Oh, crap.
Alzheimer's!
116
00:05:13,429 --> 00:05:14,729
Has it gotten
to the point
117
00:05:14,764 --> 00:05:18,767
where she thinks
Kleenex is money?
118
00:05:19,969 --> 00:05:22,537
Okay, so what was
the fight about?
119
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,406
[Sighs]
120
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,976
Well,
I don't remember.
121
00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:28,577
Was it when
I pretended to be you
122
00:05:28,612 --> 00:05:30,146
and slept with
your boyfriend?
123
00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:31,581
No.
124
00:05:31,615 --> 00:05:34,517
Was it when
I pretended to be you
125
00:05:34,552 --> 00:05:37,821
and escaped from Poland?
126
00:05:37,855 --> 00:05:39,990
No.
127
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:41,825
What about a drink?
128
00:05:41,859 --> 00:05:43,794
It's 9:00 A.M.!
129
00:05:43,828 --> 00:05:46,832
- Vodka then.
- Sure!
130
00:05:53,337 --> 00:05:57,141
[Phone rings]
131
00:05:57,175 --> 00:06:00,010
Oh!
It's my husband-to-be.
132
00:06:00,045 --> 00:06:02,679
Hello,
husband-to-be.
133
00:06:02,714 --> 00:06:04,581
Your lucky flowered shirt
is missing?
134
00:06:04,616 --> 00:06:06,149
Yeah,
I know the one.
135
00:06:06,184 --> 00:06:10,087
I love that shirt.
136
00:06:10,121 --> 00:06:15,125
I'm in my bedroom right now.
I'll look around for it.
137
00:06:16,161 --> 00:06:19,362
Nope,
don't see it anywhere.
138
00:06:19,397 --> 00:06:20,397
What?
139
00:06:20,431 --> 00:06:23,066
You want to
be buried in it?
140
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:24,601
Don't worry, I'll find it.
[Truck beeping]
141
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:29,205
I've got to retrieve that shirt
before the trash man does!
142
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,407
Hello, Joy!
143
00:06:31,442 --> 00:06:33,309
Oh, thank God.
144
00:06:33,344 --> 00:06:35,111
Well, this is going better
than I thought.
145
00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:39,082
- Take off your shirt.
- A lot better than I thought!
146
00:06:39,117 --> 00:06:41,718
Artie, I need that shirt back.
It's my fiance's favorite.
147
00:06:41,752 --> 00:06:43,353
He's dying and he wants
to be buried in it.
148
00:06:43,387 --> 00:06:44,788
Oh, I'm sorry.
149
00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,923
Thank you, but we've
made peace with it, so--
150
00:06:46,957 --> 00:06:50,426
No, no, no, I'm sorry
I can't give you the shirt back.
151
00:06:50,461 --> 00:06:53,563
I found it in the trash,
and as a former homeless man,
152
00:06:53,598 --> 00:06:56,633
I'm well-versed
in the 1988 landmark decision,
153
00:06:56,667 --> 00:07:00,003
Finders v. Weepers.
154
00:07:00,037 --> 00:07:01,371
Artie,
you're a billionaire now.
155
00:07:01,405 --> 00:07:03,373
Surely you can buy yourself
100 hideous shirts.
156
00:07:03,407 --> 00:07:06,476
Perhaps. Or perhaps
I will hold this one hostage.
157
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,344
For what?
Money?
158
00:07:08,378 --> 00:07:11,347
No, for love!
The love of a good woman!
159
00:07:11,381 --> 00:07:14,849
Joy, I need you to give me
a makeover so I can find one!
160
00:07:14,884 --> 00:07:17,185
Wait, what happened to
the love of your life, Preshi,
161
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:18,552
from the rubber ball?
162
00:07:18,587 --> 00:07:21,321
Ah, I am a Firestone,
of Firestone rubber.
163
00:07:21,356 --> 00:07:23,857
She is an Elmer,
of Elmer's glue.
164
00:07:23,892 --> 00:07:27,828
When our families realized
I was rubber and she was glue...
165
00:07:27,862 --> 00:07:29,165
Well!
166
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,067
But I don't have time
to give you a makeover.
167
00:07:34,102 --> 00:07:36,236
I'm getting married
in two days.
168
00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:38,138
You know what, Joy?
We'll give him a makeover.
169
00:07:38,172 --> 00:07:39,239
- You will?
- Yeah, why not.
170
00:07:39,273 --> 00:07:40,540
We like a good challenge.
171
00:07:40,575 --> 00:07:42,442
It's like My Fair Lady.
172
00:07:42,477 --> 00:07:44,277
Eliza Doolittle me!
173
00:07:44,311 --> 00:07:48,015
[Cockney accent]
I'm a good girl, I am!
174
00:07:48,049 --> 00:07:50,417
What's going on in here?
175
00:07:50,452 --> 00:07:54,155
Holy moly! Twins!
176
00:07:57,503 --> 00:07:59,937
What was
that fight about?
177
00:08:00,471 --> 00:08:03,440
Was it when I shot you
in the shoulder?
178
00:08:03,474 --> 00:08:06,142
Oh, no,
you were drunk.
179
00:08:06,177 --> 00:08:09,312
I'm sure our fight happened
when we were sober.
180
00:08:09,347 --> 00:08:13,183
Well,
that narrows it down.
181
00:08:13,217 --> 00:08:14,885
Oh, really, mom?
182
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,388
You can't make it in time
to the wedding?
183
00:08:17,422 --> 00:08:19,190
Oh, I'm so disappointed.
184
00:08:19,224 --> 00:08:21,426
[Silently]
Yes!
185
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,462
Well, we're traveling the world.
Of course we'll stop in London.
186
00:08:24,497 --> 00:08:26,231
[Mouths silently]
187
00:08:26,265 --> 00:08:28,400
I love you, too.
188
00:08:28,434 --> 00:08:30,836
You know,
with that accent and figure,
189
00:08:30,870 --> 00:08:34,272
you remind me of a--
a gorgeous British movie star.
190
00:08:34,307 --> 00:08:36,742
Oh, um, oh,
well-what's the name?
191
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:40,079
Kate Beckinsale?
192
00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:41,981
No.
193
00:08:42,515 --> 00:08:43,816
Who am I thinking of?
194
00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:47,219
- Hugh Grant.
- Bingo!
195
00:08:52,258 --> 00:08:53,692
All right, Artie,
now you walk into the bar
196
00:08:53,727 --> 00:08:56,729
and scan the room.
197
00:08:59,065 --> 00:09:01,033
Now you spot
a beautiful woman at the bar.
198
00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:03,102
You approach, say hello,
199
00:09:03,136 --> 00:09:07,639
and then say the first thing
that comes to mind.
200
00:09:07,674 --> 00:09:09,174
- Hello.
- Hello.
201
00:09:09,208 --> 00:09:15,047
I wonder how you'd look
in a vat of creamed corn.
202
00:09:16,282 --> 00:09:17,850
The second thing
that comes to mind.
203
00:09:17,884 --> 00:09:21,253
A vat of baked beans.
204
00:09:21,787 --> 00:09:23,889
No vats.
Third thing.
205
00:09:23,923 --> 00:09:27,293
I bet I could fit
your whole head in my mouth!
206
00:09:27,327 --> 00:09:28,560
Fourth thing.
207
00:09:29,095 --> 00:09:31,029
You're a beautiful woman,
208
00:09:31,064 --> 00:09:33,798
yet there's a sadness
behind your eyes.
209
00:09:33,833 --> 00:09:36,935
May I buy you a drink?
210
00:09:36,969 --> 00:09:39,104
Yes!
That's it!
211
00:09:39,138 --> 00:09:41,106
Artie,
when you're with a woman,
212
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:43,943
say only the fourth thing
that comes to mind.
213
00:09:43,977 --> 00:09:46,579
By George,
I think I've got it!
214
00:09:46,613 --> 00:09:52,284
And now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to use the...
215
00:09:52,318 --> 00:09:53,954
Men's room.
216
00:09:59,525 --> 00:10:01,159
- That was incredible.
- [Sighs]
217
00:10:01,193 --> 00:10:03,127
- Wanna hear some music?
- Sure.
218
00:10:03,161 --> 00:10:05,429
[Sighs]
219
00:10:05,463 --> 00:10:08,265
[Plucking ukulele]
[Laughs]
220
00:10:08,299 --> 00:10:09,566
What are you doing?
221
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:10,967
Don't tell me
I'm the first man
222
00:10:11,002 --> 00:10:14,838
you've been with who plays
the post-coital ukulele.
223
00:10:14,872 --> 00:10:16,273
[Plucking ukulele ]
224
00:10:16,307 --> 00:10:17,908
Any requests?
225
00:10:17,942 --> 00:10:22,078
Do you know
the refrain from playing?
226
00:10:23,848 --> 00:10:25,282
Why do I smell bananas?
227
00:10:25,316 --> 00:10:28,952
I lit my monkey candle.
228
00:10:28,987 --> 00:10:32,023
But a monkey
doesn't smell like a banana.
229
00:10:32,057 --> 00:10:36,027
You want it to smell
like burning monkeys?
230
00:10:36,061 --> 00:10:39,397
[Laughter]
231
00:10:39,432 --> 00:10:40,999
You're adorable.
232
00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:43,101
You know, if I weren't
already marrying you,
233
00:10:43,136 --> 00:10:44,336
I'd want to marry you.
234
00:10:44,370 --> 00:10:47,206
Aww.
235
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,041
[Clears throat loudly]
236
00:10:49,075 --> 00:10:51,043
Sorry.
237
00:10:51,077 --> 00:10:54,013
Three months.
[Laughs]
238
00:10:54,047 --> 00:10:56,181
Hey, I finished writing
my wedding vows this afternoon.
239
00:10:56,216 --> 00:10:59,217
- You wanna hear 'Em?
- No, they'll only make me cry.
240
00:10:59,252 --> 00:11:01,186
Would you rather
I played my ukulele again?
241
00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:04,222
Let's hear those vows!
242
00:11:06,525 --> 00:11:08,059
"Joy.
243
00:11:08,093 --> 00:11:11,162
"From this day on,
I choose you to be my wife.
244
00:11:11,196 --> 00:11:14,065
"I pledge to kiss you slowly,
to be food for your soul,
245
00:11:14,099 --> 00:11:17,702
"to sleep in your arms,
to comfort you with my body,
246
00:11:17,736 --> 00:11:19,771
"just as you promise
to comfort me with yours,
247
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,473
"and we both promise
to comfort no others
248
00:11:22,508 --> 00:11:24,809
for the rest of eternity."
249
00:11:24,843 --> 00:11:28,078
Wait, did you just say
I can't sleep with other men
250
00:11:28,113 --> 00:11:30,547
after you're gone?
251
00:11:30,582 --> 00:11:33,383
Well, for,
you know, eternity.
252
00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:34,718
Hey, I'm not gonna
have any sex either.
253
00:11:34,752 --> 00:11:37,621
Because you'll be dead!
254
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:40,223
Okay, what if
I promise to observe
255
00:11:40,257 --> 00:11:43,292
a proper grieving period?
How about six months?
256
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,394
- 30 years.
- Nine months.
257
00:11:45,429 --> 00:11:47,797
Two years!
And nothing below the belt.
258
00:11:47,831 --> 00:11:50,366
One year,
final offer.
259
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,201
Okay, one year,
but you have to promise me,
260
00:11:52,236 --> 00:11:53,636
the first person
you have sex with again,
261
00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:54,971
you have to cry out
my name.
262
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:57,106
[Laughs]
Oh, George.
263
00:11:57,141 --> 00:12:01,612
No, more like,
"oh! George!"
264
00:12:01,646 --> 00:12:04,448
Unless his name is George,
and then, silence.
265
00:12:04,483 --> 00:12:07,485
[Laughs]
266
00:12:09,289 --> 00:12:11,589
Melanie,
you're so beautiful,
267
00:12:11,624 --> 00:12:14,793
I'd like to keep you
in my basement.
268
00:12:17,063 --> 00:12:19,131
That was your third thought,
wasn't it?
269
00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:23,637
Yes.
I need the fingers.
270
00:12:23,671 --> 00:12:25,138
You look
breathtaking tonight.
271
00:12:25,173 --> 00:12:27,474
Aw, thank you.
272
00:12:27,508 --> 00:12:30,076
Fourth-thought Artie
is a very charming guy.
273
00:12:30,111 --> 00:12:32,078
Oh! This is
what I was afraid of!
274
00:12:32,113 --> 00:12:33,947
You created
the perfect man,
275
00:12:33,981 --> 00:12:36,917
and now you've fallen in love
with your creation.
276
00:12:36,951 --> 00:12:38,485
No, I have not.
277
00:12:38,519 --> 00:12:40,587
You hide it well.
278
00:12:40,621 --> 00:12:43,256
And we're done.
279
00:12:43,791 --> 00:12:45,192
Your perfect woman
is at the bar,
280
00:12:45,226 --> 00:12:48,261
tearing up over The Bachelor.
No wedding ring.
281
00:12:48,296 --> 00:12:50,330
She's already had
two glasses of Pinot.
282
00:12:50,364 --> 00:12:52,899
Ah, make that three.
283
00:12:52,933 --> 00:12:54,967
Okay, you got your lady,
now give us the shirt.
284
00:12:55,002 --> 00:12:58,537
Not until the deal is sealed,
but here's a picture of it
285
00:12:58,571 --> 00:13:03,641
with today's newspaper,
so you know it's still alive.
286
00:13:03,676 --> 00:13:06,177
Okay,
she's drunk, he's rich.
287
00:13:06,212 --> 00:13:09,782
It could work.
288
00:13:09,816 --> 00:13:11,283
Melanie,
we pulled it off.
289
00:13:11,317 --> 00:13:14,820
We've actually made Artie
palatable to women.
290
00:13:14,855 --> 00:13:19,860
[Shouting] I'm five feet away,
and thank you!
291
00:13:23,191 --> 00:13:26,426
- Jacob!
- Edward!
292
00:13:26,461 --> 00:13:29,729
- Tupac!
- Biggie!
293
00:13:29,764 --> 00:13:31,630
Look, I-I don't mean
to butt in, but you two
294
00:13:31,665 --> 00:13:33,732
have been fighting on either
side of me for over an hour.
295
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:38,537
Now Joy told me that my
situation inspired your reunion.
296
00:13:38,571 --> 00:13:40,805
Do you think there's any way
that I can inspire you guys
297
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,075
to bury the hatchet?
Life is short!
298
00:13:43,109 --> 00:13:46,645
Dying guy's
kinda preachy.
299
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,681
Did you see
the cheap ring he got her?
300
00:13:48,715 --> 00:13:52,051
What's he saving
his money for?
301
00:13:52,086 --> 00:13:53,987
Well,
glad I could help.
302
00:13:54,021 --> 00:13:55,791
Pay it forward, guys.
303
00:13:57,826 --> 00:13:59,660
The bride
is almost ready.
304
00:13:59,694 --> 00:14:01,429
She's nervous,
so she borrowed something blue
305
00:14:01,463 --> 00:14:02,864
from my medicine cabinet.
306
00:14:02,898 --> 00:14:05,467
I suppose I didn't
have to announce that,
307
00:14:05,501 --> 00:14:08,336
but I took something orange
and, well, I'm a little chatty.
308
00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:11,373
[Doorbell rings]
309
00:14:13,509 --> 00:14:16,277
- The deal is sealed.
- Oh, great, thanks.
310
00:14:16,311 --> 00:14:17,578
Uh, we're about to
have a wedding,
311
00:14:17,613 --> 00:14:19,380
but I'm glad that things
went well last night.
312
00:14:19,414 --> 00:14:22,683
No, things
did not go well!
313
00:14:22,718 --> 00:14:26,588
Yes, I got,
as the Bible says, "laid,"
314
00:14:26,622 --> 00:14:30,225
but all that counting to four
before I speak, it's exhausting.
315
00:14:30,259 --> 00:14:32,260
I want a woman
who loves me for myself!
316
00:14:32,294 --> 00:14:34,362
- Like you, Victoria.
- I do not love you.
317
00:14:34,396 --> 00:14:36,099
Liar!
318
00:14:38,134 --> 00:14:40,368
Here comes the bride!
319
00:14:40,402 --> 00:14:41,870
Ohh.
320
00:14:41,904 --> 00:14:43,271
All dressed in...
321
00:14:43,305 --> 00:14:45,373
White!
322
00:14:45,407 --> 00:14:48,575
Bold choice.
323
00:14:48,610 --> 00:14:50,410
Where's George?
He showed up, didn't he?
324
00:14:50,445 --> 00:14:55,115
I'm right here, baby.
And you look insanely beautiful.
325
00:14:55,149 --> 00:14:57,717
And you look
very handsome as well.
326
00:14:57,751 --> 00:15:00,186
So are you ready for
three months of wedded bliss?
327
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:02,255
Absolutely.
328
00:15:02,289 --> 00:15:03,923
Hey, look!
You found my lucky shirt!
329
00:15:03,958 --> 00:15:06,893
I did?
330
00:15:06,928 --> 00:15:09,163
I did!
Surprise!
331
00:15:09,197 --> 00:15:11,432
When is the minister
gonna get here?
332
00:15:11,466 --> 00:15:12,767
What time
did you tell him to come?
333
00:15:12,801 --> 00:15:14,502
I thought the minister
was your job.
334
00:15:14,536 --> 00:15:16,672
I thought it was yours.
335
00:15:16,706 --> 00:15:19,408
Perhaps I can be
of service.
336
00:15:19,442 --> 00:15:23,412
Reverend Artie Firestone,
Universal Life Church.
337
00:15:23,446 --> 00:15:25,681
I'm also a licensed mohel,
338
00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:28,517
should you feel the urge
to take a little off the top.
339
00:15:29,552 --> 00:15:31,653
- Should we?
- Why not?
340
00:15:32,188 --> 00:15:34,957
Come on, everybody.
I'm getting married.
341
00:15:36,992 --> 00:15:40,394
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today
342
00:15:40,428 --> 00:15:44,065
to join this man and woman
in holy matrimony.
343
00:15:44,099 --> 00:15:49,637
Do you, Rejoyla Scroggs--
what a ghastly name--
344
00:15:51,307 --> 00:15:54,576
- take this man, George...
- Gross.
345
00:15:54,611 --> 00:15:57,714
George Gross, to be
your lawful wedded husband,
346
00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:02,219
for better or for worse--
[Phone rings]
347
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,654
Sorry,
I meant to turn that off.
348
00:16:04,688 --> 00:16:06,189
- Oh, it's my doctor.
- Oh, you should take that.
349
00:16:06,223 --> 00:16:07,657
- No, no, I could always--
- No, no, no, no.
350
00:16:07,691 --> 00:16:11,194
- It could be important.
- Hmm, okay.
351
00:16:11,228 --> 00:16:13,095
Hi, Dr. Marcil.
352
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:15,131
No, it's okay,
I'm just getting married.
353
00:16:15,165 --> 00:16:17,166
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
354
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,034
Really?
Are you sure?
355
00:16:19,768 --> 00:16:20,869
Wow.
356
00:16:20,903 --> 00:16:24,505
That's--
oh, thank you, thank you.
357
00:16:24,539 --> 00:16:26,307
What?
What is it?
358
00:16:26,342 --> 00:16:27,575
I can't believe this.
359
00:16:27,610 --> 00:16:29,778
I just got
my new blood work back,
360
00:16:29,812 --> 00:16:33,682
and instead of a few months,
I've got more like two years.
361
00:16:33,717 --> 00:16:37,587
- Really? That's amazing!
- Yes!
362
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:40,357
- Two years! Wow!
- Two years!
363
00:16:40,391 --> 00:16:43,527
- Two years.
- Two years.
364
00:16:43,561 --> 00:16:47,864
- Not three months.
- Not three months.
365
00:16:47,898 --> 00:16:49,865
May I continue?
366
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,100
By all means.
367
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,102
[Clears throat loudly]
368
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,370
Hang on.
369
00:16:54,405 --> 00:16:57,540
Uh, we both said
there were a lot of things
370
00:16:57,575 --> 00:16:58,942
we could put up with
for three months,
371
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,211
like throat clearing,
and monkey candles,
372
00:17:01,245 --> 00:17:03,679
- and ugly shirts, and--
- What ugly shirt?
373
00:17:03,714 --> 00:17:05,548
Never mind.
374
00:17:05,582 --> 00:17:08,384
It's just that now
you have all this time
375
00:17:08,419 --> 00:17:10,053
to do all the things
on your bucket list,
376
00:17:10,087 --> 00:17:12,990
and I don't want to
stand in your way.
377
00:17:13,024 --> 00:17:14,458
Be honest with me, George.
378
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:19,062
Well, I guess I still
would like to take a shot at
379
00:17:19,097 --> 00:17:22,033
sleeping with 300 women.
380
00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:24,235
- What?
- You told me to be honest.
381
00:17:24,269 --> 00:17:26,273
You should've
said the fourth thing.
382
00:17:29,576 --> 00:17:31,910
Are you saying
two years is too long
383
00:17:31,945 --> 00:17:34,046
to have sex with just me?
384
00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:35,147
Well, I--
385
00:17:35,182 --> 00:17:37,417
What if you had
six months to live?
386
00:17:37,451 --> 00:17:38,818
Oh, it would
still be you, baby.
387
00:17:38,853 --> 00:17:39,819
Nine months?
388
00:17:40,154 --> 00:17:41,723
Y-you...
389
00:17:43,757 --> 00:17:45,324
Definitely you, yeah.
390
00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,594
But come on, two years?
391
00:17:48,628 --> 00:17:51,063
That's longer than
any relationship I've ever had.
392
00:17:51,097 --> 00:17:54,533
It is?
I didn't know that.
393
00:17:54,567 --> 00:17:56,768
Well, there's lots of things
I don't know about you.
394
00:17:56,802 --> 00:17:59,337
Hmm, when Joy and I
were engaged,
395
00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:02,339
we knew everything
about each other.
396
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:05,142
Wait a minute,
you two were engaged?
397
00:18:05,176 --> 00:18:06,343
It was for a green card,
not for love.
398
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:08,147
Liar!
399
00:18:10,181 --> 00:18:11,215
Well, I guess
there's some things
400
00:18:11,249 --> 00:18:12,616
I don't know
about you too.
401
00:18:12,650 --> 00:18:14,418
We're rushing
into something
402
00:18:14,453 --> 00:18:17,454
that doesn't need
rushing into any more.
403
00:18:17,489 --> 00:18:19,690
Look, Joy, I don't know how
all this is going to play out,
404
00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:22,460
but in a year,
if you're still available,
405
00:18:22,494 --> 00:18:23,527
do you think
maybe I could--
406
00:18:23,562 --> 00:18:25,696
Come and see me again?
407
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:29,433
Yes, but not
in that hideous shirt.
408
00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:31,469
Fair enough.
One last kiss?
409
00:18:38,342 --> 00:18:39,843
[Sighs]
410
00:18:39,877 --> 00:18:41,912
By the power
vested in me,
411
00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:44,716
I now pronounce you
not man and wife.
412
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:50,256
And as a licensed mohel,
I will cut the cake.
413
00:18:53,691 --> 00:18:56,594
Well, it's officially
my second failed wedding,
414
00:18:56,628 --> 00:19:00,231
only this time I'm twice as old.
So, you know...
415
00:19:01,365 --> 00:19:03,268
[Mouth full]
It's not so sad.
416
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:08,072
Well, we're off
to the ballgame.
417
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,041
- Have fun.
- Go Indians!
418
00:19:10,075 --> 00:19:13,545
Indians? Sweetheart,
I root for the Reds.
419
00:19:14,580 --> 00:19:16,180
That was our fight!
420
00:19:16,414 --> 00:19:21,486
1972, you ditched Cleveland
to root for Cincinnati!
421
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,155
Because
the Indians sucked
422
00:19:23,189 --> 00:19:25,324
ever since
they traded Rocky Colavito!
423
00:19:26,059 --> 00:19:29,162
Gaylord Perry took
the Cy Young that year!
424
00:19:29,196 --> 00:19:31,131
Perry!
That dirty pitcher!
425
00:19:31,165 --> 00:19:33,266
That man had
more vaseline on his balls
426
00:19:33,301 --> 00:19:38,372
than Elton John uses
to squeeze into his show pants.
427
00:19:39,707 --> 00:19:41,375
Come on, we're gonna
miss the first pitch.
428
00:19:41,409 --> 00:19:43,877
Well,
age before beauty.
429
00:19:43,911 --> 00:19:45,612
I'm two minutes younger,
you know?
430
00:19:46,146 --> 00:19:48,615
The happiest two minutes
of Mom's life.
431
00:19:49,149 --> 00:19:51,017
I should've strangled you
while we were still in the womb
432
00:19:51,051 --> 00:19:53,753
and I had the chance.
433
00:19:53,787 --> 00:19:55,754
By the way,
you are buying the hot dogs.
434
00:19:55,789 --> 00:19:57,857
Oh,
speaking of hot dogs,
435
00:19:58,391 --> 00:20:01,561
your head is pulled tighter
than a ballpark frank.
436
00:20:01,595 --> 00:20:04,563
And full of
just as much crap.
437
00:20:05,098 --> 00:20:07,566
You still like mustard?
438
00:20:07,601 --> 00:20:12,601
Sync, corrected by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
439
00:20:12,651 --> 00:20:17,201
Repair and Synchronization by
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