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00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:02,634
Hot in Cleveland
is recorded
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00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,937
in front of
a live studio audience.
3
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:06,772
Your wedding day
4
00:00:06,806 --> 00:00:09,441
is an occasion
of great joy.
5
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:12,444
Nothing gives more hope
for the future
6
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:15,447
than a young bride
walking down the aisle
7
00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:18,017
with the blush of innocence
on her cheek,
8
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:20,352
joining hands
with the groom,
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00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,187
eager and nervous,
10
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:25,357
barely more
than a boy himself.
11
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:32,531
You know, I'm gonna call
a timeout right now.
12
00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:34,600
I realize that you
wanted me to talk to you
13
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:36,869
like any young couple
about to get married,
14
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:42,341
but given your...
"Life experience,"
15
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,376
maybe we can skip over
a few things.
16
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:47,379
No, we want you
to go completely by the books.
17
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,715
We want this
to feel like the first time.
18
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,784
Please continue.
19
00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:53,786
Okay. Well, the next thing
I usually discuss
20
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:55,687
is the wedding night.
21
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,590
You know,
family planning and such.
22
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,026
You got
any questions there?
23
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:04,297
No. We're good
in that area.
24
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:06,899
All right,
well, what kind of ceremony
25
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:08,667
did you have in mind?
26
00:01:08,701 --> 00:01:11,003
Uh, something simple,
tasteful.
27
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,004
I had a thought...
28
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:15,374
Ooh, no, you didn't.
No, uh...
29
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,775
I'm gonna give you
the advice
30
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,544
I give all grooms
31
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,712
when it comes
to wedding planning.
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00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:23,682
Go limp.
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00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:25,951
Not one part of this day
is about you.
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00:01:25,985 --> 00:01:28,220
- All I was trying to say...
- Okay, see,
35
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:31,023
there's that word "I" again.
36
00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:33,258
That's gonna cause you
nothing but trouble.
37
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:36,795
And whatever you do,
when speaking to your bride,
38
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,231
never use the word "relax"
39
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:43,902
or refer to anything as being
"not that big a deal."
40
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,404
But the music...
41
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:46,905
Okay.
But, you see, Fred,
42
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,574
really, come on now.
43
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,644
You know that
little part of your mind
44
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,580
that makes judgments,
45
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,949
that thinks that,
"oh, this is dumb"
46
00:01:56,983 --> 00:01:58,884
or "that's unnecessary"?
47
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:01,620
I want you
to turn that off right now.
48
00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:03,689
Just shut your brain down
49
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:06,692
and do what
your woman says.
50
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:07,860
And by the way,
51
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:11,130
that is also my advice
for the marriage.
52
00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:14,333
We picked
the right minister.
53
00:02:15,019 --> 00:02:18,519
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
54
00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:27,846
Oh, I'm so excited!
We get to have a wedding!
55
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,849
Well, my favorite wedding
was definitely my third.
56
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,951
You mean to
your gay husband?
57
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,854
Well, I didn't know he was
at the time.
58
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,356
Oh, he just took care
of everything.
59
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:38,824
He designed the dress,
and the cake,
60
00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:41,660
and the flowers, and...
61
00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:43,829
He did my hair and makeup,
and he wouldn't rest
62
00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:46,398
until he found
the right pair of heels.
63
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,067
And yet you had no clue
64
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,403
there might be problems
in the actual marriage.
65
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:54,573
Well, what am I?
A detective?
66
00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:56,375
No, I mean, I suppose
I might've been tipped off
67
00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:58,310
by the fact
that his bachelor party
68
00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:01,580
was just a quiet dinner
with his best man.
69
00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:04,917
In San Francisco.
70
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:08,420
For an entire weekend.
[Clears throat]
71
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:10,889
Ooh, here's
the blushing bride now!
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00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,357
Did you bring us
your wedding album?
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00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,526
- This is it.
- What? One picture?
74
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:17,763
Oh, Elka,
you're beautiful!
75
00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:19,097
Oh!
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00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,600
I was miss teen potato.
77
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:24,036
In Poland,
that's as good as it gets.
78
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:26,538
Oh, well, look at
that fresh face and that hair.
79
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:28,707
And, oh,
that tiny little waist.
80
00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,542
And I'll say it...
Nice rack!
81
00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:31,643
[Laughs]
82
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:33,145
You look like a teenager.
83
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:34,913
I was a teenager.
84
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,915
Oh, and were you a virgin
on your wedding night?
85
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:39,084
You don't get to be
miss teen potato
86
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:41,787
without peeling
a few skins.
87
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,264
Well, Elka, we have
a surprise for you.
88
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,899
As our wedding gift to you,
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00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,034
we would like to plan
and pay for everything.
90
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,402
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, that's not necessary.
91
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,304
I just want
something simple.
92
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:00,772
Well, we can
totally do simple!
93
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,841
You know, I hear that
under 200 guests
94
00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:05,110
- is very chic right now.
- Mm-hmm.
95
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,478
So we could get away
with two tents.
96
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:07,779
Chamber instead of
a full orchestra.
97
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,815
Maybe just three horses
for the carriage.
98
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,149
Oh, wait.
99
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,986
All I want
are a few close friends
100
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,421
as I exchange vows
before God
101
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,757
with the man I adore.
102
00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:20,993
Well, that's just sad.
103
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,496
You just need
to do some research.
104
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:25,831
We've got bride magazines,
105
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:27,499
and there's
a ton of wedding shows
106
00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:29,635
- you can download.
- Yeah, you have to make sure
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00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:31,470
that every detail
is perfect.
108
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,972
Remember, all eyes
will be on you.
109
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,241
That's true.
110
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,143
This was
a long time ago.
111
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:39,244
[Doorbell rings]
112
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,480
- Oh, good! It's here.
- What is?
113
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:44,650
What's going to help us pay
for this wedding and more.
114
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:47,519
Oh, all right.
Well, here, start studying.
115
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:54,660
Thank you.
116
00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:57,029
Okay, you remember
when I did that commercial
117
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:59,197
for Mrs. Ladypants?
118
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,967
Oh, yeah,
your diaper pants.
119
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:04,670
They weren't diapers.
They are activewear slacks.
120
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:05,871
That you pee in.
121
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:09,441
[Laughter]
122
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,643
Look, they didn't air any
of those commercials in America,
123
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:14,112
and they're paying me a bundle
to try their newest product.
124
00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:17,983
"Dear Chase Victoria,
125
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:20,652
"million of women
trust Mrs. Ladypants,
126
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:25,624
"number one
for freshness of crotch.
127
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,193
"Now crotch-fresh feelings
can whisper all over
128
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:31,630
"with Mrs. Ladypants
for body.
129
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,298
"Feed your garbage daily
130
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,234
with our single-use
freshness jumpsuits."
131
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,174
So they're
disposable diaper clothes?
132
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:45,177
No. They are
experimental prototypes.
133
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:46,645
I'm supposed to wear them
day and night
134
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:47,913
for the next week.
135
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:51,249
Uh, "you will feel
so much happy
136
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,685
"you will make water
in your clothes.
137
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,890
"No problem
for Chase Victoria,
138
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:02,561
"the face of incontinence,
139
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,930
and now sweating."
140
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:07,466
[Laughter]
141
00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:16,375
- Aah!
- Joy, get up! Now!
142
00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:18,877
- Elka, what is it?
- You were right!
143
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:21,380
My wedding
needs to be big!
144
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:24,483
You're my wedding planner!
145
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:25,550
Why me?
146
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,552
Because Melanie's
too nice,
147
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,388
and Victoria's
too crazy.
148
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:32,224
You've got just
the right amount of bitch
149
00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:34,826
to get the job done.
150
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:37,963
Oh, I'm flattered
that you chose me.
151
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:40,532
I know we've
never been close, but...
152
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,100
This is not
a sweet moment!
153
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:45,470
Get your bony ass
out of bed!
154
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,642
Wow! You're up early.
155
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:52,878
Oh, Lord,
wait till I tell you.
156
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:55,247
[Rustling]
157
00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,015
What's that noise?
158
00:06:57,049 --> 00:06:59,951
Oh, I hope there's not
an animal in the walls.
159
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:03,922
[Rustling]
160
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,467
[Hoarsely]
Morning.
161
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,638
- Are you okay?
- Ugh.
162
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,139
This suit seems
to be just sucking
163
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,941
all the moisture
out of me.
164
00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:24,910
Just so dry.
165
00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:28,313
So...
[Clears throat]
166
00:07:28,347 --> 00:07:29,481
What's all this?
167
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,650
Oh, your
wedding assignments.
168
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:33,285
For the last two days,
Elka's done nothing
169
00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:35,120
but study magazines,
and books,
170
00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:36,655
and watch cable shows...
171
00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:39,825
Bridezillas, bride wars,bridalplasty
172
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:41,359
Bridalplasty?
What's that?
173
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,694
It's this ridiculous show
174
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:44,496
where women get plastic surgery
before their weddings.
175
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:47,799
And? I am missing
the twist.
176
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:50,802
Last night,
Elka woke me up at 3:00 A.M.
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00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:53,104
To announce that I
was her wedding planner.
178
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,007
And you wouldn't believe
the mood swings.
179
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,143
I'm afraid we've created
a bit of a monster.
180
00:07:58,177 --> 00:08:00,545
Oh, well, now, you and Elka
never see eye to eye.
181
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,147
I'm sure she'll be fine.
182
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:16,027
I got a spray tan.
183
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,198
Yes, we can see that.
184
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,100
[Chuckles]
Why?
185
00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:23,969
All the brides do it.
186
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:27,372
What do you think?
Now, be honest.
187
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,043
- Well...
- You don't like it.
188
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,513
- My wedding's ruined!
- No, no, no, no.
189
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,648
We... we love it a lot.
190
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:40,151
You look very tropical.
191
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:45,290
Oh, no!
192
00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:48,326
I look like
a [Bleep] oompa-loompa!
193
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,531
Elka!
194
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,533
Don't you watch
bridal shows?
195
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:58,003
That's how we all talk.
196
00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,971
Also, bride has requested
197
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,073
that we do a choreographed
aisle walk.
198
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:05,410
I want it to go viral.
199
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:06,745
Now, Elka...
200
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:10,482
Get...it...done.
201
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,854
She's also become a fan
of turning everything
202
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,023
into a string
of one-word sentences.
203
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,157
All...
204
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:21,293
Brides...
205
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,827
[Quickly]
Do it.
206
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,868
Welcome to bridezelka.
207
00:09:37,853 --> 00:09:39,987
Crap.
208
00:09:40,022 --> 00:09:41,522
Crap.
209
00:09:42,925 --> 00:09:45,126
Crap.
210
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:48,696
I need rosier roses.
Write it down.
211
00:09:48,730 --> 00:09:49,764
I'll remember.
212
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,767
Write...it...down.
213
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,735
[Doorbell rings]
214
00:09:58,407 --> 00:10:02,109
- Hello, Fred.
- Hi.
215
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,444
Hi, groom.
216
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,046
Hi, bride!
217
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,380
You're late.
218
00:10:07,449 --> 00:10:09,083
I'm sorry.
I was, uh, delayed,
219
00:10:09,117 --> 00:10:12,119
answering questions
about this.
220
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,722
Do we have to wear this
all the time?
221
00:10:14,756 --> 00:10:16,891
[Crying]
I didn't realize
222
00:10:16,925 --> 00:10:20,394
that doing the least
little thing for me
223
00:10:20,429 --> 00:10:23,231
was such a chore.
224
00:10:23,265 --> 00:10:25,600
Please don't cry.
I'm happy to wear it.
225
00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:27,935
Oh.
226
00:10:29,771 --> 00:10:31,906
Whoa! Whoa,
what's all this?
227
00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:33,441
Whatever happened
to "simple"?
228
00:10:33,475 --> 00:10:35,176
Bride has decided
229
00:10:35,210 --> 00:10:37,645
she'd like something
a little more elaborate.
230
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,014
Mmm. This red velvet
is heaven!
231
00:10:40,048 --> 00:10:41,849
Yeah, if heaven
is three layers of crap
232
00:10:41,884 --> 00:10:45,019
with crap in between.
233
00:10:45,053 --> 00:10:47,021
O-kay...
234
00:10:47,055 --> 00:10:48,356
[Instant messenger chimes]
235
00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:50,958
Oh, it's Melanie
and Victoria skyping us
236
00:10:50,993 --> 00:10:52,360
from the bridal shop.
237
00:10:52,394 --> 00:10:54,328
It's the annual running
of the dress.
238
00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:56,330
- What's that?
- It's this huge sale
239
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:57,832
where hundreds
of brides compete
240
00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:00,334
to grab top designer
wedding gowns.
241
00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:02,270
The dress bride wants
is there.
242
00:11:02,304 --> 00:11:04,372
I saw it
in a bridal magazine.
243
00:11:04,406 --> 00:11:06,841
I wanna feel like
a princess.
244
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,845
Yes, but all that trouble
over one dress sounds...
245
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:12,613
Sounds what?
246
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:16,317
What does it sound like?
247
00:11:16,351 --> 00:11:19,387
Come on, open your cakehole
and tell me.
248
00:11:19,421 --> 00:11:22,056
Nothing, princess.
249
00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:23,391
Oh, hi!
250
00:11:23,425 --> 00:11:25,192
Melanie and Victoria,
we can see you!
251
00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:27,295
These women are crazy!
252
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,298
We got your dress!
253
00:11:30,332 --> 00:11:32,133
Ooh, it's perfect!
254
00:11:32,167 --> 00:11:33,901
Melanie, sweetie,
try it on.
255
00:11:33,936 --> 00:11:35,970
But there's
no dressing rooms!
256
00:11:36,004 --> 00:11:38,539
Try it on.
257
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:42,043
[Women speaking indistinctly]
258
00:11:45,514 --> 00:11:48,015
May I help you?
259
00:11:53,288 --> 00:11:56,023
In this second
counseling session,
260
00:11:56,058 --> 00:11:58,259
I usually answer
any additional questions
261
00:11:58,293 --> 00:11:59,994
that may've come up.
262
00:12:00,028 --> 00:12:01,896
But first I have a question.
263
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,030
Who are you?
264
00:12:03,065 --> 00:12:06,767
Oh. Joy Scroggs.
265
00:12:06,802 --> 00:12:08,769
I'm the bride's proxy.
266
00:12:08,804 --> 00:12:10,871
You see, none of
the cake decorators
267
00:12:10,906 --> 00:12:12,740
in Cleveland
met her standards,
268
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,076
so she's spending
the day in Chicago.
269
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,210
Mm.
270
00:12:16,244 --> 00:12:17,278
Is that a bruise?
271
00:12:17,312 --> 00:12:20,581
Ugh, it's just
a rejected bouquet.
272
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:21,882
She threw it at you?
273
00:12:21,917 --> 00:12:23,617
Our official position
274
00:12:23,652 --> 00:12:27,488
is that I failed
to duck properly.
275
00:12:27,522 --> 00:12:29,724
It's like I was saying
on the phone, reverend.
276
00:12:29,758 --> 00:12:31,425
I don't know
what's come over Elka.
277
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,260
She's lost her mind.
278
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:34,595
[Phone chimes]
279
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:35,696
Oh.
280
00:12:35,731 --> 00:12:37,431
It's a text from bride.
281
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:40,935
"What is Fred
saying about me?"
282
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,437
I know you said
to go limp, reverend,
283
00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,872
but shouldn't I
be honest?
284
00:12:44,906 --> 00:12:48,709
Uh, that depends on
how long you wanna be married.
285
00:12:48,744 --> 00:12:51,445
Tell her I worship
the ground she walks on.
286
00:12:52,514 --> 00:12:54,215
And add a compliment
about her hair.
287
00:12:54,249 --> 00:12:55,716
I can't see her hair.
288
00:12:55,751 --> 00:12:56,784
Oh, that don't matter.
289
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,619
Women just like
somebody somewhere
290
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,654
saying something nice
about their hair
291
00:13:00,689 --> 00:13:02,590
at all times.
292
00:13:02,624 --> 00:13:05,793
By the way,
yours looks lovely.
293
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,995
Oh! Thank you
so much.
294
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:10,331
[Chuckles]
295
00:13:10,365 --> 00:13:12,033
Hey!
296
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:14,668
I wanna have sexwith you!
297
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:19,473
Wow! Elka told me
you were a tramp!
298
00:13:21,109 --> 00:13:22,410
He's a minister!
299
00:13:22,444 --> 00:13:24,311
Fred, I wasn't
always a minister.
300
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:27,314
Uh, I was a singer
before I got my calling.
301
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:31,752
I wanna have sex with you
was a record I made.
302
00:13:31,787 --> 00:13:35,156
♪ Ooh, baby,
it's time to lock the door ♪
303
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:40,294
♪ You know I wanna see
that clothing hit the floor ♪
304
00:13:40,328 --> 00:13:42,930
Both: ♪ Ooh-ooh,
ooh, ooh ♪
305
00:13:42,964 --> 00:13:46,100
♪ Bah-bah, bah,
bah-bah, bah ♪
306
00:13:46,134 --> 00:13:50,938
♪ I wanna have sex
with you ♪
307
00:13:50,972 --> 00:13:52,773
Both: [Laugh]
308
00:13:52,808 --> 00:13:55,509
My friend Melanie
lost her virginity to you.
309
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,211
Oh, yeah,
I get that a lot.
310
00:13:57,245 --> 00:14:00,047
[Laughs]
311
00:14:00,082 --> 00:14:02,183
How does your congregation
feel about that song?
312
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,018
Well, I get
varied reactions.
313
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,787
It's an issue.
314
00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:09,323
[Phone chimes]
315
00:14:09,357 --> 00:14:12,026
Oh. It's Elka again.
316
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,662
New wedding theme...
317
00:14:14,696 --> 00:14:17,031
Robin hood
and maid Marian.
318
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,166
I gotta wear tights now?
319
00:14:19,201 --> 00:14:22,336
I'm sure you've got
the legs to pull it off.
320
00:14:22,370 --> 00:14:24,505
This is it.
I can't take anymore.
321
00:14:24,539 --> 00:14:26,073
Reverend,
say something.
322
00:14:26,108 --> 00:14:27,208
I... I don't know.
323
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:30,077
I'm worried about
being friar tuck.
324
00:14:31,847 --> 00:14:33,981
The wedding is off.
325
00:14:34,015 --> 00:14:36,350
Fred!
326
00:14:36,384 --> 00:14:39,053
What am I gonna do?
Elka's gonna be furious!
327
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,322
Well, I suggest you
turn the other cheek.
328
00:14:41,356 --> 00:14:43,724
That way the bruises
will match up.
329
00:14:47,773 --> 00:14:48,940
I can't believe it!
330
00:14:48,974 --> 00:14:50,942
I delegate one thing,
and you screw it up!
331
00:14:50,976 --> 00:14:52,610
Where's
my hurling bouquet?
332
00:14:52,644 --> 00:14:54,045
I'll get it.
333
00:14:56,548 --> 00:14:58,216
Wait, what...
What's this?
334
00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:01,152
It's Fred's jacket.
He dropped it off.
335
00:15:03,155 --> 00:15:06,524
[Crying]
Oh, Fred.
336
00:15:06,558 --> 00:15:11,662
I ruined everything!
337
00:15:11,697 --> 00:15:13,698
Oh, Elka. Elka,
this never would've happened
338
00:15:13,732 --> 00:15:16,167
if we hadn't talked you
into having a big wedding.
339
00:15:16,201 --> 00:15:19,537
No. I blew it!
340
00:15:19,571 --> 00:15:22,039
There's no fool
like an old fool!
341
00:15:30,616 --> 00:15:34,385
[Extremely hoarsely]
This is so sad.
342
00:15:38,457 --> 00:15:42,260
Do you think
the wedding's really off?
343
00:15:42,294 --> 00:15:43,761
No.
344
00:15:43,795 --> 00:15:45,263
No, it is not off.
345
00:15:45,297 --> 00:15:47,098
I have put up
with too much abuse,
346
00:15:47,132 --> 00:15:49,767
and foul language,
and bouquet grenades
347
00:15:49,801 --> 00:15:51,102
to give up now.
348
00:15:51,136 --> 00:15:52,870
The problem is,
349
00:15:52,904 --> 00:15:54,939
Fred is only seeing
the labor pains.
350
00:15:54,973 --> 00:15:57,775
We are gonna show him
the baby.
351
00:16:03,682 --> 00:16:05,549
[Over P.A.]
Ladies and gentlemen,
352
00:16:05,584 --> 00:16:08,886
we give you
your wedding party!
353
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,223
[Dance music plays]
354
00:16:12,257 --> 00:16:15,259
♪ ♪
355
00:16:29,107 --> 00:16:31,976
That was
very impressive, but...
356
00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:34,245
Wait, wait, wait.
Before you say anything more,
357
00:16:34,279 --> 00:16:35,813
the reason
we showed you this
358
00:16:35,847 --> 00:16:37,448
was so that you could see
what a spectacular day
359
00:16:37,482 --> 00:16:38,983
Elka was trying
to put together for you.
360
00:16:39,017 --> 00:16:41,018
I mean, look
how much fun it's gonna be.
361
00:16:41,053 --> 00:16:42,953
The aisle walk,
that's just the beginning.
362
00:16:42,988 --> 00:16:44,322
[Rustling]
363
00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:46,891
I don't wanna ruin
the moment here or anything,
364
00:16:46,925 --> 00:16:49,293
but are you
about to explode?
365
00:16:49,328 --> 00:16:52,630
[Hoarsely]
Oh...
366
00:16:52,664 --> 00:16:56,634
It's the sweat
from all the dancing.
367
00:16:56,668 --> 00:16:58,969
But I might need somebody
to cut me out of this
368
00:16:59,004 --> 00:17:00,938
one more time.
369
00:17:00,972 --> 00:17:03,007
Elka was just acting
the way she was
370
00:17:03,041 --> 00:17:04,208
because she wants
your special day
371
00:17:04,242 --> 00:17:05,543
to be perfect.
372
00:17:05,577 --> 00:17:07,978
That's not the reason!
373
00:17:08,013 --> 00:17:10,381
Who said that?
374
00:17:10,415 --> 00:17:12,950
I did.
375
00:17:12,984 --> 00:17:14,185
Elka?
376
00:17:14,219 --> 00:17:16,787
Elka, we didn't know
you were here.
377
00:17:16,822 --> 00:17:19,557
So, Elka,
what is the reason?
378
00:17:19,591 --> 00:17:21,392
The first time
I got married,
379
00:17:21,426 --> 00:17:23,561
I was 19.
380
00:17:23,595 --> 00:17:26,864
At that age,
I didn't even need a bouquet.
381
00:17:26,898 --> 00:17:28,466
I was the flower.
382
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,368
[Laughs]
Well, Elka...
383
00:17:30,402 --> 00:17:34,105
Go limp.
[Clears throat]
384
00:17:34,139 --> 00:17:37,274
Then I started reading
all those bridal magazines.
385
00:17:37,309 --> 00:17:39,977
Which was totally our fault.
[Sighs]
386
00:17:40,011 --> 00:17:44,482
They were all so young,
as brides are supposed to be.
387
00:17:44,516 --> 00:17:47,118
As I was.
388
00:17:47,152 --> 00:17:49,286
I didn't want you
looking down the aisle
389
00:17:49,321 --> 00:17:51,021
and being disappointed.
390
00:17:51,056 --> 00:17:52,890
Oh, Elka!
391
00:17:52,924 --> 00:17:56,293
Oh, I thought all the hoopla
would distract you.
392
00:17:56,328 --> 00:17:57,862
I was scared.
393
00:17:57,896 --> 00:17:59,130
I am scared.
394
00:17:59,164 --> 00:18:01,632
But that's just...
395
00:18:01,666 --> 00:18:04,268
I have a feeling the next words
I say are very important,
396
00:18:04,302 --> 00:18:05,603
and I don't wanna
mess it up.
397
00:18:05,637 --> 00:18:08,372
Can I have
a little help, please?
398
00:18:08,407 --> 00:18:10,374
Look, Elka,
399
00:18:10,409 --> 00:18:13,377
you know, I marry
young people all the time,
400
00:18:13,412 --> 00:18:15,613
but I worry about them.
401
00:18:15,647 --> 00:18:19,049
I even try to slow down
on certain vows...
402
00:18:19,084 --> 00:18:20,918
"For better or for worse,"
403
00:18:20,952 --> 00:18:22,486
"forsaking all others,"
404
00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:24,855
"in sickness and in health"...
405
00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:28,225
Just hoping they
really hear the words.
406
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:29,827
But how can they?
407
00:18:29,861 --> 00:18:31,762
They're living in
a dream world.
408
00:18:31,797 --> 00:18:35,499
They're young, and pretty,
and nothing hurts yet.
409
00:18:35,534 --> 00:18:38,502
But you two,
I don't worry.
410
00:18:38,537 --> 00:18:41,338
Most people your age
are alone.
411
00:18:41,373 --> 00:18:45,009
Oh, they have kids,
and grandkids, and friends,
412
00:18:45,043 --> 00:18:46,811
but they don't have
that special someone
413
00:18:46,845 --> 00:18:48,345
to hold in their arms.
414
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:53,184
So, Elka, when young Fred here
looks down the aisle,
415
00:18:53,218 --> 00:18:56,353
will he see his beautiful,
radiant bride,
416
00:18:56,388 --> 00:18:58,756
ready to have and to hold?
417
00:18:58,790 --> 00:19:01,792
Oh, yes!
[Laughs]
418
00:19:05,797 --> 00:19:08,432
Uh, hey,
what about me?
419
00:19:08,467 --> 00:19:10,468
Both: In a minute.
420
00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:19,700
♪ Now the whole world's
asleep ♪
421
00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:24,672
♪ but we're
still making plans ♪
422
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,006
Women: ♪ 'cause once
is not enough ♪
423
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:29,844
♪ when a woman loves a man ♪
424
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:32,379
All: ♪ ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
425
00:19:32,414 --> 00:19:35,816
♪ bah-bah bah,
bah-bah bah ♪
426
00:19:35,851 --> 00:19:40,821
♪ I wanna have sex
with you ♪
427
00:19:44,593 --> 00:19:45,926
So what do you think?
428
00:19:45,961 --> 00:19:48,195
We can sing it
at your reception!
429
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:51,799
Um, I think we'll
probably stick with Sinatra.
430
00:19:51,833 --> 00:19:54,168
Well, I have
other songs I can...
431
00:19:54,202 --> 00:19:55,936
Go limp.
432
00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,739
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
433
00:20:00,789 --> 00:20:05,339
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