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1
00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:04,254
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:04,631 --> 00:00:05,585
And you know, Colin,
3
00:00:05,710 --> 00:00:10,424
I was surprised to find out how many Ohioans
are making cheese on their own backyards.
4
00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:12,624
And who knew cheese
came from an animal?
5
00:00:13,265 --> 00:00:14,264
All right, everybody.
6
00:00:16,536 --> 00:00:18,672
And for those of you who like
wine with your cheese,
7
00:00:18,797 --> 00:00:20,397
and I know you do, Victoria,
8
00:00:20,432 --> 00:00:23,600
tonight's tech report reviews
a groundbreaking new app
9
00:00:23,635 --> 00:00:25,970
that actually lets you
taste and smell things
10
00:00:26,004 --> 00:00:27,471
right on your computer.
11
00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:30,607
For example, this 1964 Lafite.
12
00:00:30,642 --> 00:00:31,642
[Sniffs]
13
00:00:31,676 --> 00:00:33,210
Oh, that is fantastic.
14
00:00:33,244 --> 00:00:36,547
Victoria, smell the bouquet.
[Sniffs]
15
00:00:36,581 --> 00:00:39,483
- I don't smell anything.
- Really?
16
00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:40,617
Oh, they did say
senior citizens
17
00:00:40,652 --> 00:00:41,719
might not be able
to smell it--
18
00:00:41,753 --> 00:00:43,487
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
19
00:00:43,521 --> 00:00:45,956
Ah, yes, yes.
No, I--I smell it now.
20
00:00:45,991 --> 00:00:47,558
I smell it big time.
21
00:00:47,592 --> 00:00:50,294
And the most amazing feature is
22
00:00:50,328 --> 00:00:51,862
if you lick the screen,
23
00:00:51,896 --> 00:00:53,597
you can actually
taste the wine.
24
00:00:53,631 --> 00:00:59,370
It's remarkable.
25
00:00:59,404 --> 00:01:02,306
Mmm.
Oh it's a bit tannic.
26
00:01:02,340 --> 00:01:04,274
But, um, very bold finish.
27
00:01:04,309 --> 00:01:05,876
[Electronic cackling]
28
00:01:05,910 --> 00:01:10,547
[Laughter]
29
00:01:10,582 --> 00:01:12,883
Gotcha!
30
00:01:12,917 --> 00:01:15,319
Oh, the fun we have here
at Channel Seven.
31
00:01:15,353 --> 00:01:17,254
Oh, we certainly do.
Lots of fun.
32
00:01:17,288 --> 00:01:19,390
But what isn't fun
33
00:01:19,424 --> 00:01:21,325
is that there is something
in your house right now
34
00:01:21,359 --> 00:01:23,160
that may be killing you
and your children.
35
00:01:23,194 --> 00:01:25,362
Stay tuned right
after these words.
36
00:01:27,198 --> 00:01:29,333
I mean, Colin pulls these
pranks all the time.
37
00:01:29,367 --> 00:01:30,634
This is just the first
time he's had the nerve
38
00:01:30,668 --> 00:01:32,302
to do it on the air.
39
00:01:32,337 --> 00:01:33,670
So what did you say to him?
40
00:01:33,705 --> 00:01:35,739
Oh, I went ballistic,
of course.
41
00:01:35,774 --> 00:01:37,274
And then he said what
he always says.
42
00:01:37,308 --> 00:01:39,543
"Oh, get over it!"
Ew!
43
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:41,578
I hate when men say
things like that.
44
00:01:41,613 --> 00:01:43,380
"Get over it" or "just relax"
45
00:01:43,415 --> 00:01:46,750
or "how did you get into my
apartment without a key?"
46
00:01:46,785 --> 00:01:49,286
Anyway, this time I don't
want to get over it.
47
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:50,487
I want to get even.
48
00:01:50,522 --> 00:01:52,856
Well, you've come
to the right place.
49
00:01:52,891 --> 00:01:55,559
- What's his horse's head?
- Excuse me?
50
00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:56,927
His weakness.
51
00:01:56,961 --> 00:01:58,362
You know,
like in The Godfather,
52
00:01:58,396 --> 00:02:00,330
where the guy wakes up with his
horse's head in the bed.
53
00:02:00,365 --> 00:02:02,366
- Good one that.
- Oh, yeah.
54
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,301
Well, Colin considers himself
55
00:02:04,335 --> 00:02:06,503
Cleveland's premier ladies man.
56
00:02:06,538 --> 00:02:08,939
You know, he pumps them up
and then sleeps with them
57
00:02:08,973 --> 00:02:11,542
and dumps them and brags
about it in the newsroom.
58
00:02:11,576 --> 00:02:12,910
Hmm.
Has he ever been dumped?
59
00:02:12,944 --> 00:02:15,412
No, no, he prides
himself on that.
60
00:02:15,447 --> 00:02:16,914
Then that's what we'll do.
61
00:02:16,948 --> 00:02:18,916
I'll seduce him, lead him on,
62
00:02:18,950 --> 00:02:21,418
then dump him in one of
the hideously embarrassing ways
63
00:02:21,453 --> 00:02:24,254
men have always dumped me.
64
00:02:24,289 --> 00:02:27,691
It's about time I gave a man
a taste of his own medicine.
65
00:02:27,725 --> 00:02:30,427
Like that pharmacist I dated.
66
00:02:30,462 --> 00:02:32,162
Only I didn't know
he'd have that reaction
67
00:02:32,197 --> 00:02:34,932
to his own medicine.
68
00:02:34,966 --> 00:02:37,534
Anyway, this will be fun.
[Chuckles]
69
00:02:37,569 --> 00:02:40,104
And I won't micro-manage
your method.
70
00:02:40,138 --> 00:02:42,072
You know, just be sure
that I am there when you do it,
71
00:02:42,107 --> 00:02:44,475
so I can pop out and sneer,
"oh, get over it!"
72
00:02:44,509 --> 00:02:46,610
[Laughs]
73
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:49,546
You'll never believe
who I ran into.
74
00:02:49,581 --> 00:02:51,949
Dead wife guy.
75
00:02:51,983 --> 00:02:54,985
You mean the guy who almost
threw up when he saw you
76
00:02:55,019 --> 00:02:57,287
because you look
like his dead wife?
77
00:02:57,322 --> 00:02:58,889
Yes.
Dead wife guy.
78
00:02:58,923 --> 00:03:00,958
We had
a beautiful conversation.
79
00:03:00,992 --> 00:03:02,126
He asked me out.
80
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,861
And get this--he imports
81
00:03:03,895 --> 00:03:06,130
Italian...Designer...Shoes.
82
00:03:06,164 --> 00:03:07,731
- No!
- Get out!
83
00:03:07,765 --> 00:03:10,167
Yes, I got myself
a number three
84
00:03:10,201 --> 00:03:11,902
on the perfect husband list.
85
00:03:11,936 --> 00:03:13,971
I thought number three
was a plastic surgeon
86
00:03:14,005 --> 00:03:15,339
who looks just like
George Clooney.
87
00:03:15,373 --> 00:03:17,674
No, no, no, no, no.
It goes island owner,
88
00:03:17,709 --> 00:03:19,977
plastic surgeon who looks
like George Clooney,
89
00:03:20,011 --> 00:03:21,545
importer of designer shoes,
90
00:03:21,579 --> 00:03:23,714
plastic surgeon who doesn't
look like George Clooney,
91
00:03:23,748 --> 00:03:25,749
and any childless
billionaire who...
92
00:03:25,783 --> 00:03:27,251
All: Just needs a companion
93
00:03:27,285 --> 00:03:31,255
for the last two weeks
of his life.
94
00:03:31,289 --> 00:03:32,689
[Tablet chiming]
95
00:03:32,724 --> 00:03:34,024
Ooo!
That must be Elka.
96
00:03:34,058 --> 00:03:36,260
She's skyping in from Europe.
97
00:03:36,294 --> 00:03:39,496
Bonjour!
All: Bonjour.
98
00:03:39,531 --> 00:03:42,966
You know, the food
here in Paris is delicious.
99
00:03:43,001 --> 00:03:46,770
Victoria, you would love this
chocolate croissant.
100
00:03:46,804 --> 00:03:48,672
Here, have a lick.
101
00:04:07,792 --> 00:04:11,094
Oh! I'm sorry.
I must have the wrong office.
102
00:04:11,129 --> 00:04:14,164
Or the right one.
103
00:04:14,199 --> 00:04:15,933
What's your handicap?
104
00:04:15,967 --> 00:04:18,635
Beautiful brunettes
with killer smiles.
105
00:04:18,670 --> 00:04:22,406
Wait!
You're Colin Cooper.
106
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,675
Yes, I get that quite a lot,
107
00:04:24,709 --> 00:04:27,377
being Colin Cooper and all.
108
00:04:27,412 --> 00:04:29,746
Your the most trusted face
in Cleveland Broadcasting.
109
00:04:29,781 --> 00:04:32,916
It's the rest of me you
gotta worry about.
110
00:04:32,951 --> 00:04:37,321
I'm Joy.
Joy Scroggs.
111
00:04:37,355 --> 00:04:40,157
Big fan.
112
00:04:40,191 --> 00:04:41,825
Well, thank you.
113
00:04:41,859 --> 00:04:44,161
Mind if I perch?
114
00:04:44,195 --> 00:04:46,630
A lovely bird should perch.
115
00:04:46,664 --> 00:04:48,899
It's such a pleasure
to hear someone speak
116
00:04:48,933 --> 00:04:52,836
without an accent.
117
00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:54,538
Well, then I know just where
to take you for lunch.
118
00:04:54,572 --> 00:04:56,173
There's a brand-new pub
down on prospect.
119
00:04:56,207 --> 00:04:57,407
Feels just like home.
120
00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:58,976
Pints of lager,
steak and kidney pie,
121
00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:00,010
plates of mushy peas.
122
00:05:00,044 --> 00:05:04,147
Mmm! Mushy peas.
123
00:05:04,182 --> 00:05:06,049
Let me just run down
to the set and grab my jacket
124
00:05:06,084 --> 00:05:07,584
- and we'll head off, eh?
- Lovely.
125
00:05:07,619 --> 00:05:10,687
Good.
126
00:05:10,722 --> 00:05:12,256
Sss!
127
00:05:12,290 --> 00:05:14,858
Joy?
Where did he go?
128
00:05:14,892 --> 00:05:16,560
Oh, relax.
He just went to get his jacket.
129
00:05:16,594 --> 00:05:18,829
- It is going splendidly.
- Heh!
130
00:05:18,863 --> 00:05:20,030
There's something freeing
about hitting on a man
131
00:05:20,064 --> 00:05:22,065
I know I'm gonna break up with.
132
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:23,834
You know me, if I were
really into this guy,
133
00:05:23,868 --> 00:05:25,502
I'd be nervous,
self-conscious, obsessive.
134
00:05:25,536 --> 00:05:29,373
Clingy, unbalanced, insecure.
135
00:05:29,407 --> 00:05:32,109
What?
You started it.
136
00:05:32,143 --> 00:05:33,977
I like being cool Joy.
137
00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:35,746
I mean, there could be
a naked woman
138
00:05:35,780 --> 00:05:36,980
hiding in that closet right now
139
00:05:37,015 --> 00:05:39,283
- and I could not care less.
- Oh, come on!
140
00:05:39,317 --> 00:05:41,818
Now what woman in this day
and age would hide in a closet?
141
00:05:41,853 --> 00:05:43,787
I've got a lunch.
I'll be back in an hour.
142
00:05:47,325 --> 00:05:51,028
Yes, I am aware of the irony.
143
00:05:51,062 --> 00:05:53,530
- Shall we?
- Let's.
144
00:05:53,564 --> 00:05:56,867
Me first.
145
00:06:00,338 --> 00:06:03,774
You know, Gucci is about to
unveil a new shoe.
146
00:06:03,808 --> 00:06:07,377
A six-inch heel that also
tones your thighs.
147
00:06:07,412 --> 00:06:10,047
Oh!
148
00:06:10,081 --> 00:06:13,717
Say that again...
Only slower.
149
00:06:13,751 --> 00:06:15,619
- I can get you a sample.
- Oh!
150
00:06:15,653 --> 00:06:17,287
I'm a 6-1/2!
151
00:06:17,322 --> 00:06:20,924
Oh. Perfect sample size.
[Chuckles]
152
00:06:20,958 --> 00:06:22,392
You about ready to
order dessert?
153
00:06:22,427 --> 00:06:25,662
- Oh, uh, let's see...
- Excuse me.
154
00:06:25,697 --> 00:06:31,301
I had bread, two glasses
of wine and pasta.
155
00:06:31,336 --> 00:06:33,637
So I need to find
something chocolaty
156
00:06:33,671 --> 00:06:35,439
that's negative 300 calories.
157
00:06:35,473 --> 00:06:36,673
Is everything okay down there?
158
00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:39,776
- Oh, all good.
- Oh.
159
00:06:39,811 --> 00:06:41,244
Ah, I'm really glad
you decided to
160
00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:42,746
go out with me again, Melanie.
161
00:06:42,780 --> 00:06:44,915
You really are
the perfect package.
162
00:06:44,949 --> 00:06:46,216
From the top
of your pretty head
163
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:48,318
all the way down to your...
164
00:06:48,353 --> 00:06:50,287
Super sexy toe cleavage.
165
00:06:58,629 --> 00:07:02,065
I think dead wife guy
might be into feet.
166
00:07:03,534 --> 00:07:07,304
Well, not all feet.
My feet.
167
00:07:07,338 --> 00:07:08,805
He likes my feet.
168
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:09,940
Oh, so he's a shrimper.
169
00:07:11,976 --> 00:07:13,577
A what?
170
00:07:13,611 --> 00:07:15,445
A shrimper.
A guy who likes feet.
171
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,814
Well, actually
toes to be exact.
172
00:07:17,849 --> 00:07:20,450
Because toes look just like
baby shrimp, ergo shrimper.
173
00:07:20,485 --> 00:07:23,019
Hmm.
174
00:07:23,054 --> 00:07:24,955
Well, when you put it that way,
175
00:07:24,989 --> 00:07:29,092
you know, it's...kinda cute.
176
00:07:29,127 --> 00:07:30,794
And maybe I'm wrong.
177
00:07:30,828 --> 00:07:34,064
I mean, all he did was notice
that I have attractive feet.
178
00:07:34,098 --> 00:07:35,966
Melanie, men don't notice feet
179
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,534
unless they're into feet.
180
00:07:37,568 --> 00:07:40,237
Yeah, they barely notice faces.
181
00:07:40,271 --> 00:07:42,372
[Phone chimes]
182
00:07:42,407 --> 00:07:43,707
[Chuckles]
183
00:07:43,741 --> 00:07:45,509
What's so funny?
184
00:07:45,543 --> 00:07:48,445
Oh, it's from Colin.
Private joke about the welsh.
185
00:07:48,479 --> 00:07:50,714
[Laughs]
186
00:07:50,748 --> 00:07:52,682
You already have private jokes?
187
00:07:52,717 --> 00:07:54,651
Oh! That is so delicious.
188
00:07:54,685 --> 00:07:56,686
He is never going
to see it coming.
189
00:07:56,721 --> 00:08:00,257
Ah! I am going to sleep
like a baby tonight.
190
00:08:00,291 --> 00:08:01,892
[Phone chimes]
191
00:08:01,926 --> 00:08:03,860
[Chuckling]
192
00:08:03,895 --> 00:08:07,097
You really seem to be having
a good time with this guy.
193
00:08:07,131 --> 00:08:09,533
Are sure you're not
falling for him?
194
00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:10,634
Of course not.
I would never fall for him.
195
00:08:10,668 --> 00:08:11,635
That would ruin everything.
196
00:08:11,669 --> 00:08:14,538
You're a good friend, Joy.
197
00:08:14,572 --> 00:08:17,841
I've fallen for him.
I've ruined everything!
198
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,451
How could you be crazy
about him already?
199
00:08:23,485 --> 00:08:25,786
- It was just one lunch.
- A three-hour lunch
200
00:08:25,821 --> 00:08:27,622
where we never stopped
laughing or talking
201
00:08:27,656 --> 00:08:29,991
or finishing each
other's sentences.
202
00:08:30,025 --> 00:08:32,927
I mean, sure, he's pompous
and smarmy and arrogant.
203
00:08:32,961 --> 00:08:36,864
And in an uglier man,
that would be unattractive.
204
00:08:36,899 --> 00:08:39,066
But you know me.
205
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,802
Good-looking bad boy.
That's my horse's head.
206
00:08:43,238 --> 00:08:45,940
[Laughter]
207
00:08:45,974 --> 00:08:48,142
You booby-trapped
the doughnut box
208
00:08:48,177 --> 00:08:49,977
to make me storm in here
looking ridiculous.
209
00:08:50,012 --> 00:08:53,214
Well, it didn't work.
210
00:08:53,248 --> 00:08:54,882
Oh, come on, Victoria,
211
00:08:54,917 --> 00:08:56,784
you can't possibly think
I meant that for you.
212
00:08:56,818 --> 00:08:58,052
You're the one whose always
saying, "I never eat sweets.
213
00:08:58,086 --> 00:09:00,021
I've got willpower."
214
00:09:00,055 --> 00:09:02,657
Yeah, well I was having
a low blood sugar moment.
215
00:09:02,691 --> 00:09:04,625
Well, listen, if you're
still a bit peckish,
216
00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:06,627
have a three musketeers bar.
My treat.
217
00:09:06,662 --> 00:09:08,696
- Thank you.
- Gotcha!
218
00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:12,266
- Oh, you juvenile, pathetic...
- Oh, get over it!
219
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:14,135
[Phone rings]
220
00:09:14,169 --> 00:09:16,737
Colin Cooper.
Oh, hi Phil!
221
00:09:16,772 --> 00:09:18,406
Yeah, I can't make
the poker game tonight.
222
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,440
I've got a date.
223
00:09:19,474 --> 00:09:21,175
Well, that's just it, mate.
224
00:09:21,210 --> 00:09:22,610
I would rather spend
poker night with Joy
225
00:09:22,644 --> 00:09:23,678
'cause I could see this
really turning into
226
00:09:23,712 --> 00:09:25,446
something serious.
227
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:26,914
Oh, so I'm a woman
228
00:09:26,949 --> 00:09:28,216
because now I care
about someone.
229
00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:30,117
Well, you're the woman!
230
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,786
No, just don't tell
the other guys.
231
00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:34,722
Just say I'm sick or something.
232
00:09:37,659 --> 00:09:39,126
[Exhales]
233
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:41,696
Are you okay?
You seem a little nervous.
234
00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:43,731
No, it's just that
I got you something,
235
00:09:43,765 --> 00:09:47,935
and I just hope
it's not too soon.
236
00:09:47,970 --> 00:09:51,272
Oh, bill.
It's a ring box.
237
00:09:51,306 --> 00:09:55,710
It most certainly is.
238
00:09:55,744 --> 00:09:57,778
It's a toe ring.
239
00:10:00,882 --> 00:10:03,551
It most certainly is.
240
00:10:08,123 --> 00:10:09,924
May I?
241
00:10:15,998 --> 00:10:17,198
Yes.
242
00:10:17,232 --> 00:10:19,900
[Applause]
243
00:10:23,605 --> 00:10:26,574
Patrons: Ew! Ugh!
244
00:10:32,281 --> 00:10:35,750
Break out the cocktail sauce,
I'm dating a shrimper.
245
00:10:35,784 --> 00:10:37,618
Really?
246
00:10:37,653 --> 00:10:40,087
You gonna keep him
or throw him back?
247
00:10:40,122 --> 00:10:42,390
Keep him, I think.
248
00:10:42,424 --> 00:10:43,924
I mean, that's why I moved
to Cleveland.
249
00:10:43,959 --> 00:10:45,559
To try new things, right?
250
00:10:45,594 --> 00:10:48,629
I mean, how bad could it be to
have a guy worship your feet?
251
00:10:48,664 --> 00:10:50,298
Wouldn't know.
252
00:10:50,332 --> 00:10:54,268
Never had a man travel
that far South.
253
00:10:54,303 --> 00:10:56,837
Most just make a quick stop
at the Equator,
254
00:10:56,872 --> 00:10:59,874
empty my fridge,
and peel out of the driveway.
255
00:11:03,945 --> 00:11:07,715
Ladies, I have fabulous news!
256
00:11:07,749 --> 00:11:09,950
You started playing paintball?
257
00:11:09,985 --> 00:11:12,620
Oh, no, no, it's just
another one of Colin's pranks.
258
00:11:12,654 --> 00:11:15,623
Which makes my fabulous news
even more enjoyable.
259
00:11:15,657 --> 00:11:17,892
I overheard Colin on the phone.
260
00:11:17,926 --> 00:11:20,961
Joy, he is genuinely
crazy about you.
261
00:11:20,996 --> 00:11:23,030
Really?
Are you sure?
262
00:11:23,065 --> 00:11:24,799
Not only are you going
to destroy his ego,
263
00:11:24,833 --> 00:11:26,567
but you are going to
break the heart
264
00:11:26,601 --> 00:11:31,806
of a man who truly thinks
you have a future together.
265
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,674
You know, to prolong his agony,
266
00:11:33,709 --> 00:11:36,610
maybe you should let Joy
string him along for a while.
267
00:11:36,645 --> 00:11:37,912
Yes!
268
00:11:37,946 --> 00:11:41,849
Like after Christmas
in London with my family.
269
00:11:41,883 --> 00:11:44,685
That'll really get him.
- No, no!
270
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,688
What are you talking about?
Now I had this all planned.
271
00:11:47,723 --> 00:11:49,857
No, , you were going to
dump him on the porch tonight.
272
00:11:49,891 --> 00:11:52,193
And while he's
reeling in shock,
273
00:11:52,227 --> 00:11:54,261
you'll ring the wind chimes,
and that'll be my signal
274
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:57,798
to come out and gloat.
275
00:11:57,833 --> 00:11:59,433
Oh, so now you like
the wind chimes.
276
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:00,801
When I bought them
at the renaissance fair,
277
00:12:00,836 --> 00:12:02,203
you said they were stupid.
278
00:12:02,237 --> 00:12:03,704
Yeah, well they are stupid,
279
00:12:03,739 --> 00:12:07,274
and so is the renaissance fair.
280
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:08,576
Oh, yeah?
Well that's just because
281
00:12:08,610 --> 00:12:12,847
you weren't selected to
be wench of the joust.
282
00:12:12,881 --> 00:12:15,549
Maybe.
283
00:12:15,584 --> 00:12:17,618
Anyway, the important thing is
284
00:12:17,652 --> 00:12:19,754
Colin will never be able
to look at Joy again
285
00:12:19,788 --> 00:12:21,689
without disgust nd heartbreak.
286
00:12:21,723 --> 00:12:24,058
Oh!
It's just so beautiful.
287
00:12:29,873 --> 00:12:33,209
Colin, stop!
I don't think we should--
288
00:12:33,243 --> 00:12:35,177
Should what?
289
00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:37,680
Stop kissing.
290
00:12:37,714 --> 00:12:39,515
[Wind chimes ring]
291
00:12:39,549 --> 00:12:41,183
[Loudly]
That wind chime noise
292
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:43,619
was caused by the wind!
293
00:12:43,653 --> 00:12:46,956
Isn't that usually
the case with wind chimes?
294
00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:48,357
[Wind chimes ring]
295
00:12:48,391 --> 00:12:50,392
Oh, no, a second chime!
You've got to go now!
296
00:12:50,427 --> 00:12:52,128
You gonna turn into
a pumpkin or something?
297
00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:53,562
I'll explain
everything tomorrow.
298
00:12:53,597 --> 00:12:55,030
Just go!
299
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,066
Text me!
300
00:12:57,100 --> 00:13:00,202
Oh, get over it--
wait, where did he go?
301
00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:01,470
I heard wind chimes.
302
00:13:01,505 --> 00:13:04,707
I didn't break up with him.
303
00:13:04,741 --> 00:13:06,208
There's just this thing
between us.
304
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:07,543
I can't explain it.
305
00:13:07,577 --> 00:13:08,911
You know the thing
you can't explain.
306
00:13:08,945 --> 00:13:10,346
You know the thing.
307
00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:11,680
Yeah, we all know the thing.
308
00:13:11,715 --> 00:13:14,150
We've all done stupid things
for the thing.
309
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:16,418
And if you think
that this thing is
310
00:13:16,453 --> 00:13:18,854
going to turn into
a bigger thing, then...
311
00:13:18,889 --> 00:13:21,023
Well I won't stand in your way.
312
00:13:21,057 --> 00:13:24,260
I'll just have to get back
at Colin some other way.
313
00:13:24,294 --> 00:13:26,295
Thank you, Victoria.
314
00:13:26,329 --> 00:13:28,330
All right.
315
00:13:28,365 --> 00:13:31,500
[Phone chimes]
316
00:13:31,535 --> 00:13:33,035
It's from Colin.
317
00:13:33,069 --> 00:13:34,537
"Lunch tomorrow, baby?"
318
00:13:34,571 --> 00:13:36,405
That's what he calls me.
"Baby."
319
00:13:36,439 --> 00:13:39,041
- Ah.
- Hmm!
320
00:13:39,075 --> 00:13:40,376
Oh, God,
what term of endearment
321
00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:42,678
should I write back?
Honey?
322
00:13:42,712 --> 00:13:44,280
Sounds like we're old marrieds.
323
00:13:44,314 --> 00:13:46,415
Ducky?
Who am I, Benny Hill?
324
00:13:46,449 --> 00:13:47,983
Oh, God!
It's happening!
325
00:13:48,018 --> 00:13:51,120
I was cool Joy when I knew
it was going to end,
326
00:13:51,154 --> 00:13:53,222
but now that I care,
I'm nervous and insecure.
327
00:13:53,256 --> 00:13:56,525
No, no, fight it.
You can be cool Joy again.
328
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,761
Just like I'm cool Melanie
dating a shrimper.
329
00:13:58,795 --> 00:14:00,796
Me!
330
00:14:00,831 --> 00:14:02,231
That's right, Joy.
331
00:14:02,265 --> 00:14:03,899
I mean, if someone
as uptight as Melanie
332
00:14:03,934 --> 00:14:05,000
can date a pervert,
333
00:14:05,035 --> 00:14:08,003
then surely
there's hope for you.
334
00:14:08,038 --> 00:14:09,905
You are crazy.
335
00:14:09,940 --> 00:14:11,774
You're much prettier
than Keira Knightly.
336
00:14:11,808 --> 00:14:12,908
Oh, please.
337
00:14:12,943 --> 00:14:14,877
Tell me more.
338
00:14:14,911 --> 00:14:16,912
And support your argument.
339
00:14:16,947 --> 00:14:18,180
You seen her feet?
340
00:14:18,215 --> 00:14:19,448
She's a two-socker.
341
00:14:21,351 --> 00:14:23,052
You know, bill,
I'm getting a sense
342
00:14:23,086 --> 00:14:25,020
of what you're into,
and if I'm right,
343
00:14:25,055 --> 00:14:29,158
I am willing to...
Dip my toe in the water.
344
00:14:29,192 --> 00:14:31,026
Really?
345
00:14:31,061 --> 00:14:33,562
It's all new to me,
but I'm cool.
346
00:14:33,597 --> 00:14:35,497
I'm cool Melanie
trying new things.
347
00:14:35,532 --> 00:14:37,066
Well, fantastic!
348
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:39,702
Well, then would you be up
for a little role playing?
349
00:14:39,736 --> 00:14:41,503
Role playing?
350
00:14:41,538 --> 00:14:43,272
Yeah, with--
351
00:14:43,306 --> 00:14:44,740
hang your feet off
the edge of the chair there.
352
00:14:44,774 --> 00:14:47,176
Like they're sticking out
of the window of a parked car,
353
00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:50,946
and I'll be the officer
passing by.
354
00:14:54,417 --> 00:14:56,151
Excuse me, ma'am.
355
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,387
I couldn't help
noticing your feet.
356
00:14:58,421 --> 00:15:01,624
Oh, sorry.
357
00:15:01,658 --> 00:15:03,158
I was just...
358
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:06,295
Airing them out.
359
00:15:06,329 --> 00:15:09,698
Well, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to arrest you
360
00:15:09,733 --> 00:15:11,734
for a dui.
361
00:15:11,768 --> 00:15:16,238
Deliciously unforgettable
instep.
362
00:15:16,273 --> 00:15:18,107
Oh, officer,
363
00:15:18,141 --> 00:15:20,309
couldn't you just let me off
with a warning?
364
00:15:20,343 --> 00:15:22,878
Well, there's also the issue
365
00:15:22,913 --> 00:15:25,814
of indecent exposure.
366
00:15:25,849 --> 00:15:28,117
But I could give you
something to slip on.
367
00:15:28,151 --> 00:15:30,519
Shoe sample?
368
00:15:35,659 --> 00:15:38,460
This one's for you...
369
00:15:38,495 --> 00:15:42,765
Cause you're a good girl.
370
00:15:42,799 --> 00:15:46,735
And this one's for you...
371
00:15:46,770 --> 00:15:49,004
Cause you're a bad girl.
372
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:52,341
You know what?
373
00:15:55,211 --> 00:15:57,179
Hi! Ready for lunch.
374
00:15:57,213 --> 00:16:00,249
- Oy, you look ravishing.
- Thank you.
375
00:16:00,283 --> 00:16:01,717
Hey, does this
sound scary enough
376
00:16:01,751 --> 00:16:03,352
for the 11:00 news program?
377
00:16:03,386 --> 00:16:05,087
"There's a flesh-eating virus
that may be lurking
378
00:16:05,121 --> 00:16:07,523
in something you and your
children eat every day."
379
00:16:07,557 --> 00:16:09,358
Oh, my God, is there?
380
00:16:09,392 --> 00:16:11,093
No, that's why I legally
have to say may be.
381
00:16:11,127 --> 00:16:13,262
Oh, excuse me,
Mr. Cooper?
382
00:16:13,296 --> 00:16:14,663
They need you
in editing for a second,
383
00:16:14,698 --> 00:16:15,698
and this came for you.
384
00:16:15,732 --> 00:16:17,466
Thanks, Devon.
385
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:19,034
Devon.
386
00:16:19,069 --> 00:16:20,703
It's a pretty name.
Pretty girl.
387
00:16:20,737 --> 00:16:23,005
Yeah, I suppose so.
388
00:16:23,039 --> 00:16:24,440
Who's the gift from?
389
00:16:24,474 --> 00:16:25,541
Probably just a fan.
390
00:16:25,575 --> 00:16:28,377
Hmm. A fan
named "love ya, Jennifer."
391
00:16:28,411 --> 00:16:29,878
Who's "love ya, Jennifer"?
392
00:16:29,913 --> 00:16:31,146
I haven't a clue.
393
00:16:31,181 --> 00:16:33,315
I'll make this as quick
as I can, baby.
394
00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:39,288
Cool Joy.
395
00:16:39,322 --> 00:16:41,056
Cool Joy.
396
00:16:41,091 --> 00:16:44,293
Cool Joy.
397
00:16:44,327 --> 00:16:45,394
Oh, screw it!
398
00:16:45,428 --> 00:16:46,996
Aah!
Gotcha!
399
00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:52,634
Victoria, you did this?
400
00:16:52,669 --> 00:16:54,036
Joy, that was meant for Colin.
401
00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:56,572
- Why did you open it?
- It was taunting me.
402
00:16:56,606 --> 00:16:58,374
I could hear it saying,
"I'm from Jennifer!
403
00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,342
"I'm 22!
I have big breasts.
404
00:17:00,377 --> 00:17:02,578
Colin and I laugh about you
when we're having great sex!"
405
00:17:02,612 --> 00:17:03,946
All right, now I'm confused.
406
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:06,248
Are you the box
or are you Jennifer?
407
00:17:06,282 --> 00:17:08,217
He's coming back!
Hide in your closet.
408
00:17:08,251 --> 00:17:10,786
- It is not my closet!
- Just hide!
409
00:17:14,691 --> 00:17:18,193
So, you're ready to go?
410
00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:20,496
What happened to you?
411
00:17:20,530 --> 00:17:22,498
I opened the box.
412
00:17:22,532 --> 00:17:25,200
Victoria.
I'm sorry.
413
00:17:25,235 --> 00:17:28,137
That must have been
a practical joke meant for me.
414
00:17:28,171 --> 00:17:31,306
But, darling,
why did you open it?
415
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:35,844
Because I get crazy jealous
when I care about a man.
416
00:17:35,879 --> 00:17:37,746
Also crazy paranoid.
417
00:17:37,781 --> 00:17:40,582
Oh, and crazy insecure.
418
00:17:40,617 --> 00:17:42,951
But for what it's worth,
I've been trying to fight it.
419
00:17:42,986 --> 00:17:44,319
But it's hard.
420
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:45,687
I just want to be honest
with you.
421
00:17:45,722 --> 00:17:47,289
Then I'll be honest with you.
422
00:17:47,323 --> 00:17:49,425
I've been fighting
my true nature as well.
423
00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:51,393
I've been faithful to you
since we've met.
424
00:17:51,428 --> 00:17:54,663
And it's killing me.
425
00:17:54,697 --> 00:17:56,432
We met eight days ago.
426
00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:58,901
I know.
It's a personal best.
427
00:17:58,935 --> 00:18:01,637
So our fake selves
are compatible,
428
00:18:01,671 --> 00:18:03,972
but our real selves
wouldn't stand a chance.
429
00:18:04,007 --> 00:18:07,276
Insane jealousy does not pair
well with serial womanizer.
430
00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:09,711
Not in my experience, no.
431
00:18:09,746 --> 00:18:11,413
On the other hand,
432
00:18:11,448 --> 00:18:14,817
my real safe and my fake self
433
00:18:14,851 --> 00:18:16,718
are incredibly attracted
to you.
434
00:18:16,753 --> 00:18:18,320
Please tell me
at least one of them
435
00:18:18,354 --> 00:18:20,589
is about to get naked.
436
00:18:20,623 --> 00:18:23,826
Well, it has been eight days.
437
00:18:23,860 --> 00:18:26,528
Wait!
What about my green face?
438
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:27,863
What green face?
439
00:18:27,897 --> 00:18:29,431
Men really don't notice
faces, do they?
440
00:18:29,466 --> 00:18:30,799
I should warn you.
441
00:18:30,834 --> 00:18:33,202
I normally break up with a woman
once I sleep with her.
442
00:18:33,236 --> 00:18:34,603
And I should warn you.
443
00:18:34,637 --> 00:18:36,205
Something will be missing
from your office tomorrow,
444
00:18:36,239 --> 00:18:37,306
or broken off your car.
445
00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:39,508
- Fine!
- Fine!
446
00:18:48,318 --> 00:18:50,119
Victoria?
What the--
447
00:18:50,153 --> 00:18:52,788
Oh, get over it!
448
00:18:57,450 --> 00:18:58,784
Coming up next.
449
00:18:58,818 --> 00:19:00,519
Is there something
in your house
450
00:19:00,553 --> 00:19:02,688
that's causing you
and your children
451
00:19:02,722 --> 00:19:04,456
to go bald?
452
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:06,158
The answer may surprise you.
453
00:19:06,192 --> 00:19:08,260
Isn't that right, Colin?
454
00:19:08,294 --> 00:19:10,295
Sure surprised me.
455
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,801
Heh!
How did you--
456
00:19:15,835 --> 00:19:17,035
I switched out his shampoo
457
00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:19,571
for something
a little more potent.
458
00:19:19,606 --> 00:19:21,306
I did it for me and Victoria
459
00:19:21,341 --> 00:19:23,842
and all the other women
he's dumped.
460
00:19:23,877 --> 00:19:25,444
Although I must say,
461
00:19:25,478 --> 00:19:28,413
he looks rather good bald,
doesn't he?
462
00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:31,016
A lot of women find
that look attractive.
463
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:33,051
Me for instance.
464
00:19:33,086 --> 00:19:35,287
Oh, great, now he's going to
have even more women,
465
00:19:35,321 --> 00:19:37,055
and there's no chance we'll
ever get back together again.
466
00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:38,991
[Gasps]
I know!
467
00:19:39,025 --> 00:19:41,093
I'll pin this on Victoria.
468
00:19:41,127 --> 00:19:43,662
That way he'll need me
to get back at her.
469
00:19:43,696 --> 00:19:45,531
I'll make it up
to Victoria somehow.
470
00:19:45,565 --> 00:19:47,332
It will all be fine in the end.
471
00:19:47,367 --> 00:19:48,367
Good night, Joy.
472
00:19:48,401 --> 00:19:50,135
Oh, good night, Melanie.
473
00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:52,371
Melanie.
474
00:19:52,405 --> 00:19:55,541
The only problem
with this plan is Melanie.
475
00:19:55,575 --> 00:19:57,576
She knows too much.
476
00:19:57,701 --> 00:19:59,782
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