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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,168
Hot in cleveland is recorded
In front of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,305 --> 00:00:11,675
Hey, ladies.
Who had the beer,
3
00:00:11,709 --> 00:00:12,776
and who had the shot
of Jagermeister?
4
00:00:12,810 --> 00:00:15,647
Me and me.
5
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:16,814
What can I do for you?
6
00:00:16,849 --> 00:00:18,249
Well, that sports game
has been on
7
00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:19,385
an awfully long time.
8
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,854
Could you change the channel?
9
00:00:20,889 --> 00:00:22,289
It's kind of a big game.
10
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:25,726
But Oprah and Gayle
are camping again.
11
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,028
Pretty please?
12
00:00:28,063 --> 00:00:31,565
Well, how can I say no
to you?
13
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,633
That never would have worked
in L.A.
14
00:00:33,668 --> 00:00:35,368
- Hey...
- Whoa...
15
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:37,903
It didn't completely
work here.
16
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:41,473
Oh, guys, sorry.
17
00:00:41,507 --> 00:00:42,740
It's okay.
18
00:00:42,775 --> 00:00:45,243
I love this town.
19
00:00:45,277 --> 00:00:49,179
Now make them get us
some ice cream from next door.
20
00:00:49,213 --> 00:00:53,918
Well, I'm not wearing
the right bra, but I'll try.
21
00:00:55,490 --> 00:01:01,490
Sync & corrections by Alice
Resync for 720p by Baqinardo for www.addic7ed.Com
22
00:01:09,902 --> 00:01:12,069
Scusi, signora.
23
00:01:12,104 --> 00:01:14,072
You're wearing my house.
24
00:01:14,106 --> 00:01:17,408
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't see you.
25
00:01:17,443 --> 00:01:18,410
Here.
26
00:01:18,444 --> 00:01:19,611
Just put it back
in the kitchen.
27
00:01:19,645 --> 00:01:24,949
That's the dining room!
The kitchen.
28
00:01:24,983 --> 00:01:27,951
There's a customary
remodeling fee.
29
00:01:27,986 --> 00:01:30,520
Oh, sure.
30
00:01:32,323 --> 00:01:34,191
Bloody hell,
I can't find my wallet!
31
00:01:34,226 --> 00:01:35,994
I must have left it
at the I.N.S. office
32
00:01:36,028 --> 00:01:37,896
when I was filling out
those stupid forms.
33
00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:41,399
My whole life
is in tatters.
34
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,636
Oh, sorry.
35
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,505
Actually, I do all right
for myself.
36
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,212
♪ ♪
37
00:01:55,849 --> 00:02:00,252
♪ ♪
38
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:03,288
Oh, please...
please stop.
39
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:06,224
You're really very good,
but I've had a rough day.
40
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:09,494
Oh... you look
almost ready to cry.
41
00:02:09,528 --> 00:02:11,296
Let the tears fall.
42
00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:13,932
Well, it has been
a rough few months.
43
00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:16,668
You see,
I need a green card.
44
00:02:16,702 --> 00:02:19,572
And I had a potential
fake marriage that fell apart.
45
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:21,741
Then I had a potential
real marriage that fell apart.
46
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:24,710
And now I'm gonna be deported
in two weeks,
47
00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:27,412
unless I can find
an American citizen to marry me.
48
00:02:27,447 --> 00:02:30,049
- I...
- I'm an American citizen.
49
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,420
First of all, Victoria,
thanks for auditioning.
50
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:37,223
I am a huge
Honor St. Raven fan.
51
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,992
So for an actress
of your caliber
52
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,528
to even consider
a local news program is...
53
00:02:41,563 --> 00:02:43,364
Extraordinary.
I know.
54
00:02:43,398 --> 00:02:44,966
You know, I'll admit that
at first,
55
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,434
even I had reservations.
56
00:02:46,468 --> 00:02:49,403
But then I thought,
I'm not lowering myself.
57
00:02:49,438 --> 00:02:53,542
I am raising the drab
little lives of clevelanders.
58
00:02:53,576 --> 00:02:56,111
We watched your tape.
59
00:02:56,145 --> 00:02:58,046
You're welcome.
60
00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,748
There's just one little thing.
61
00:02:59,782 --> 00:03:01,049
Uh, we find you, uh...
62
00:03:01,084 --> 00:03:04,152
Too chic? Charismatic?
Fabulous?
63
00:03:04,186 --> 00:03:05,787
Unlikable.
64
00:03:05,821 --> 00:03:11,459
Unlikable? Me?
In what way?
65
00:03:11,493 --> 00:03:13,594
We found you vain,
self-centered,
66
00:03:13,629 --> 00:03:15,996
and completely uninterested in
the person you were talking to.
67
00:03:16,031 --> 00:03:17,898
All right,
now you're just babbling.
68
00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:19,733
I'm gonna level with you.
69
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,568
I am broke,
so I really need this job.
70
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:22,735
Now, why don't you tell me
71
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,537
exactly what it is
you're looking for.
72
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:25,938
We call it
the three P's.
73
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,574
Perky, playful,
and puns.
74
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:31,576
That's the kind of thing
that plays in middle America,
75
00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:35,414
where likeable people
like... likeability.
76
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:38,117
You wouldn't know
likeability
77
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,752
if it sat in your lap
and blew in your ear.
78
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:43,088
Would you like that?
79
00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:46,158
There you are.
80
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:47,259
We were starting
to get worried
81
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,527
that something terrible
happened to you.
82
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:52,230
I'm engaged...
to a homeless man.
83
00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:53,832
Oh, Joy!
84
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:57,436
Haven't the homeless
suffered enough?
85
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,908
You're engaged
to a random homeless man?
86
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,777
He's not random.
He's opera guy.
87
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,347
The guy that stands outside
and sings?
88
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,949
Yes. This means I get
to stay in the country.
89
00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:11,017
Be happy for me.
90
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,086
I'm happy for you.
91
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,289
Sad for the country.
92
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:18,390
Sweetie, isn't this
a little extreme?
93
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,192
Look, I know
this is crazy,
94
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:22,460
but I only have two weeks
to get a green card.
95
00:04:22,494 --> 00:04:24,495
Well, you know how much
I want you to stay here,
96
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,130
so I'll do whatever I can
to help.
97
00:04:26,164 --> 00:04:28,332
That's good, because
he'll be living with us
98
00:04:28,366 --> 00:04:30,368
for the next two weeks.
99
00:04:30,402 --> 00:04:31,736
What? Why?
100
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,071
Well, I can't just
put his address down
101
00:04:33,105 --> 00:04:35,707
on the I.N.S. forms
as "behind the Quiznos."
102
00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:39,979
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a wedding to plan...
103
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,948
And a fiance's name to learn.
104
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,951
Shouldn't we do something
about this?
105
00:04:44,986 --> 00:04:47,788
Oh, he'll soon come
to his senses.
106
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,791
Oh, wow...
107
00:04:50,825 --> 00:04:53,393
That is a good-lookin' man.
108
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,595
Oh, that's Jason Disbrow...
109
00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,430
shooting coach
for the cavaliers.
110
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,299
Yummy.
111
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,066
Well, go talk to him.
112
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,569
Use your powers.
113
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:06,171
Oh, I don't know
if my powers are strong enough
114
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,641
to penetrate
that kind of handsome.
115
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,342
What should I say?
116
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:12,878
Uh, how 'bout, uh,
117
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,582
"J. J. Hickson better
square up to the basket
118
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,284
"if he ever wants
to hit a jumper."
119
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,086
I can't say that.
120
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,921
I don't even know
what it means.
121
00:05:21,956 --> 00:05:25,258
Excuse me, would you mind
if I put the game back on?
122
00:05:33,368 --> 00:05:35,503
Thanks.
123
00:05:35,537 --> 00:05:37,204
J.J. Hickson better
square up to the basket
124
00:05:37,239 --> 00:05:39,373
if he ever wants to hit
a jumper.
125
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:43,043
Wow, I just said that to him
this morning at practice.
126
00:05:43,078 --> 00:05:44,545
Can I buy you a drink?
127
00:05:44,579 --> 00:05:48,883
Don't waste your money.
She's good to go.
128
00:05:52,554 --> 00:05:55,523
And this is
the pick and roll.
129
00:05:55,557 --> 00:05:58,059
What you guys doing?
130
00:05:58,093 --> 00:06:00,228
Oh, Elka's teaching me
the finer points of basketball
131
00:06:00,262 --> 00:06:01,763
so I don't blow it
on my date with Jason.
132
00:06:01,798 --> 00:06:02,831
Well, that's silly.
133
00:06:02,865 --> 00:06:04,032
Just be yourself.
He'll adore you.
134
00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:05,467
Thanks, but he already thinks
135
00:06:05,502 --> 00:06:07,603
I'm a basketball savant.
136
00:06:07,638 --> 00:06:09,105
The only thing
standing in the way
137
00:06:09,139 --> 00:06:10,406
of me and free tickets
138
00:06:10,441 --> 00:06:14,076
is her ignorance
of the game.
139
00:06:14,111 --> 00:06:16,645
Couldn't I just,
you know, sleep with him?
140
00:06:16,679 --> 00:06:21,182
I don't want the cheap seats.
I want courtside.
141
00:06:23,685 --> 00:06:25,920
All right,
I have a question.
142
00:06:25,955 --> 00:06:27,922
The guy who left
to play for Miami,
143
00:06:27,956 --> 00:06:31,892
is his name pronounced
"le-bron" or "le-braun"?
144
00:06:31,927 --> 00:06:35,763
In this house,
it's pronounced traitor!
145
00:06:40,869 --> 00:06:42,336
Hey, where have you been
all day?
146
00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:44,037
Oh, let's not make this
about me.
147
00:06:44,072 --> 00:06:46,940
I'm more interested
in you and you... and you.
148
00:06:46,975 --> 00:06:50,710
What's wrong with you?
149
00:06:50,745 --> 00:06:52,279
There is nothing wrong
with me.
150
00:06:52,313 --> 00:06:53,947
I'm just interested
in my friends,
151
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,782
like any likeable person.
152
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:59,051
Okay. Well, I have a date
with a coach
153
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,719
- from the Cleveland Cavaliers.
- Ah.
154
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,690
And I'm engaged
to a homeless man.
155
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:05,757
He's moving in today.
156
00:07:05,791 --> 00:07:10,628
What... a...
heartwarming surprise.
157
00:07:10,662 --> 00:07:13,164
Look, I know what an
incredible imposition this is,
158
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:15,200
but he's actually
a pretty good guy.
159
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:16,902
No different
from any of us.
160
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:20,238
Honey, I'm home!
161
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,746
Hi... fiance.
162
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:32,385
Now, please, introduce me
to your sister-wives.
163
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,890
Well, this is Melanie
and Elka.
164
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,292
And I'm Victoria.
165
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:42,562
- Delighted to meet you.
- Charmed.
166
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:45,632
Oh, such a beautiful home!
167
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,400
I love all the little
touches.
168
00:07:47,435 --> 00:07:49,136
Like the crown
molding and... oh!
169
00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:54,274
Windows with glass
instead of trash bags!
170
00:07:54,309 --> 00:07:56,343
We've set up a cot for you
in the garage.
171
00:07:56,378 --> 00:07:57,411
Oh, a cot!
172
00:07:57,445 --> 00:07:58,512
I won't hear of it.
173
00:07:58,547 --> 00:08:02,583
You bitch!
174
00:08:02,617 --> 00:08:07,788
No, I mean you must stay
in our guest room.
175
00:08:07,823 --> 00:08:10,591
- I'll show you the way.
- Thank you.
176
00:08:10,626 --> 00:08:12,660
I'm so grateful
to be in your home.
177
00:08:12,694 --> 00:08:15,296
You must wake up every day
feeling blessed.
178
00:08:15,330 --> 00:08:18,866
Don't touch my stuff!
179
00:08:18,901 --> 00:08:21,469
Oh, what a charming fellow.
180
00:08:21,503 --> 00:08:24,472
Humans are so... interesting.
181
00:08:24,506 --> 00:08:26,541
Okay, why are you being
so weird?
182
00:08:26,575 --> 00:08:30,778
I'm just being my normal,
upbeat, likeable self.
183
00:08:30,812 --> 00:08:34,682
Oh, God,
my career is over!
184
00:08:34,716 --> 00:08:36,817
What's wrong?
What are you talking about?
185
00:08:36,851 --> 00:08:39,353
Well, I was embarrassed
to tell you guys,
186
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:43,958
but I auditioned for a job
at a local TV News station.
187
00:08:43,992 --> 00:08:45,593
I didn't get it.
188
00:08:45,627 --> 00:08:47,828
They found me "unlikable."
189
00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:50,631
- That's ridiculous.
- You're wonderful.
190
00:08:50,665 --> 00:08:54,368
I like you better than Joy.
191
00:08:56,271 --> 00:08:58,906
They wanted me to do
human interest stories,
192
00:08:58,940 --> 00:09:02,576
but you know that I have
no interest in humans.
193
00:09:02,611 --> 00:09:05,112
Except for you guys.
194
00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:06,814
Oh, God, I need this job.
195
00:09:06,848 --> 00:09:08,982
So... you're a great actress.
196
00:09:09,017 --> 00:09:11,585
Go on.
197
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,353
Pretend to be interested.
198
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:16,756
Pretend!
Oh, you're right. You're right.
199
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,925
I've been going about this
all wrong.
200
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,194
No, I just need
to think of this
201
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,996
as another role I'm playing.
202
00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,865
You know, it's kind of like
when they ask me to host
203
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,200
those charity functions.
204
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,335
I just need to pretend
to care.
205
00:09:30,615 --> 00:09:33,350
And for the homeless man
known as "opera guy,"
206
00:09:33,385 --> 00:09:37,955
this far-from-fat lady
has sung a song of love.
207
00:09:37,989 --> 00:09:41,692
Well, for "Oh Hi, Ohio",
this is Vicki Chase saying
208
00:09:41,726 --> 00:09:43,694
that's amore!
209
00:09:43,728 --> 00:09:46,197
And for s'amore
on the weather,
210
00:09:46,231 --> 00:09:50,302
here's Glenn to tell us
if spring is in the Aria.
211
00:09:51,837 --> 00:09:55,306
Wow. Now that
is a home run.
212
00:09:55,341 --> 00:09:59,110
Or perhaps you should say
a homeless run.
213
00:09:59,144 --> 00:10:01,612
No, you did not say that!
214
00:10:01,647 --> 00:10:03,514
So?
215
00:10:03,549 --> 00:10:07,118
Welcome to northeast Ohio's
number three television station.
216
00:10:11,179 --> 00:10:12,212
It's so great
to be with a woman
217
00:10:12,247 --> 00:10:13,481
who knows so much
about basketball.
218
00:10:13,515 --> 00:10:15,883
So who do you think
we should start at power forward
219
00:10:15,917 --> 00:10:16,984
against Detroit?
220
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,622
Huh?
221
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:26,459
Say, "I'd go with
Antawn Jamison."
222
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:29,829
I'd go with
Antawn Jamison.
223
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:33,099
You know, he's old,
but he has a lot of gas left
224
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,335
in his tank.
225
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,537
You know, LeBron used to say
the same thing.
226
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,806
- Oh, were you guys close?
- Super close.
227
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:43,008
Had all my hopes and dreams
invested in him.
228
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,911
And just like the rest
of the city, it still hurts.
229
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,680
Well, at least he'll
come back and play
230
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,548
a couple times a year.
That should be fun, right?
231
00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:56,990
And I thought you
were the dumb one.
232
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:05,566
Ladies... the shower!
233
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,168
Like the piss of angels!
234
00:11:08,202 --> 00:11:11,337
Wow, you clean up
really well.
235
00:11:11,372 --> 00:11:12,705
This might actually work.
236
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:16,543
Have you seen
my plastic owl Vibrato?
237
00:11:16,577 --> 00:11:19,579
He protects me from squirrels.
238
00:11:19,614 --> 00:11:21,615
Although it has
less of a chance
239
00:11:21,649 --> 00:11:23,617
with statements like that.
240
00:11:23,771 --> 00:11:26,506
Defense wins championships.
241
00:11:26,541 --> 00:11:30,810
I got a buddy
that talks to himself too.
242
00:11:32,244 --> 00:11:34,047
No, she's on Bluetooth.
243
00:11:34,081 --> 00:11:37,017
What's that like, meth?
244
00:11:39,687 --> 00:11:41,455
Look, here are some answers
to questions
245
00:11:41,489 --> 00:11:42,857
the I.N.S. Might ask us.
246
00:11:42,891 --> 00:11:46,060
Please try to memorize them.
247
00:11:46,095 --> 00:11:48,863
"Joy sleeps on the right side
of the bed.
248
00:11:48,898 --> 00:11:50,999
"I sleep on the left."
249
00:11:51,034 --> 00:11:54,036
Ah...
250
00:11:54,070 --> 00:11:56,105
"Unless england's
in the world cup,
251
00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:59,709
"then nobody sleeps,
small chuckle."
252
00:11:59,744 --> 00:12:01,879
No, you don't say
"small chuckle."
253
00:12:01,913 --> 00:12:03,347
You chuckle small-y.
254
00:12:06,885 --> 00:12:10,888
Face it lebron is
le-gone!
255
00:12:10,922 --> 00:12:13,890
Face it, LeBron is
le-outta here.
256
00:12:13,925 --> 00:12:17,927
Oh, she's gone rogue.
257
00:12:17,961 --> 00:12:19,962
You're right,
I gotta let him go.
258
00:12:19,996 --> 00:12:21,397
Right. Would you like
to go to dinner?
259
00:12:21,431 --> 00:12:23,799
- You got a favorite place?
- Oh, my gosh, dozens.
260
00:12:23,833 --> 00:12:25,634
Cleveland has so many
great restaurants.
261
00:12:25,668 --> 00:12:27,469
That's another thing I love
about this city.
262
00:12:27,503 --> 00:12:28,970
Great. I would hate to think
that Cleveland was
263
00:12:29,004 --> 00:12:31,038
just some stepping stone
for you to a larger market,
264
00:12:31,073 --> 00:12:36,377
like Chicago, New York...
Miami.
265
00:12:36,411 --> 00:12:38,145
No, no, I'm staying.
266
00:12:38,179 --> 00:12:39,913
That's what lebron
used to say.
267
00:12:39,947 --> 00:12:42,315
Hey, listen, you gotta
stop beating yourself up.
268
00:12:42,350 --> 00:12:44,784
I mean, it's not like
you told LeBron to go.
269
00:12:44,819 --> 00:12:47,820
Uh, actually, I did.
270
00:12:47,855 --> 00:12:50,423
You see, I was trying this
reverse-psychology thing, and...
271
00:12:50,457 --> 00:12:52,458
He's to blame!
272
00:12:52,493 --> 00:12:54,460
I'm gonna kill that mother...
273
00:13:03,803 --> 00:13:06,337
-Oh, hi!, Ohio.
274
00:13:06,372 --> 00:13:10,142
It's Vicki Chase live
from the shores of lake Erie.
275
00:13:10,176 --> 00:13:13,278
Not everyone finds
our Cleveland winter weather
276
00:13:13,313 --> 00:13:14,447
hard to take.
277
00:13:14,481 --> 00:13:17,750
In fact, this group
of speedo-clad warriors
278
00:13:17,785 --> 00:13:21,988
finds it downright
polar bear-able.
279
00:13:22,023 --> 00:13:25,693
In a few minutes,
these intrepid heroes
280
00:13:25,727 --> 00:13:27,628
are going to take
their annual plunge
281
00:13:27,663 --> 00:13:29,497
into the icy depths.
282
00:13:29,532 --> 00:13:31,432
And let me tell you, folks,
283
00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:37,238
this water is...
[Bleep] freezing!
284
00:13:37,272 --> 00:13:40,374
I'm sorry,
but you guys are crazy!
285
00:13:40,409 --> 00:13:42,109
Am I wrong?
286
00:13:42,143 --> 00:13:44,244
Tell you what, I am, like,
five minutes away
287
00:13:44,278 --> 00:13:45,712
from cutting open
one of these guys
288
00:13:45,746 --> 00:13:47,547
and crawling in.
289
00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:50,783
Oh, dear.
290
00:13:50,818 --> 00:13:52,352
That was a bigger disaster
291
00:13:52,386 --> 00:13:56,289
than when she ad libbed her way
through the Vagina Monologues.
292
00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:02,897
Hello.
293
00:14:02,931 --> 00:14:04,966
I'm Patricia Wellons
with the I.N.S.
294
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,968
I'm here for a surprise review.
295
00:14:07,002 --> 00:14:09,403
But we're not supposed
to meet you till next week.
296
00:14:09,438 --> 00:14:12,673
That's why
it's called a surprise.
297
00:14:19,501 --> 00:14:21,135
- It's just so tough.
- Mm.
298
00:14:21,169 --> 00:14:22,636
There's reminders
of LeBron everywhere.
299
00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:24,738
I still can't take
the number 23 bus.
300
00:14:24,772 --> 00:14:26,507
It's kind of funny.
301
00:14:26,541 --> 00:14:28,042
It's almost like
I'm going out with someone
302
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:31,278
with a very famous ex,
and I'm just the rebound.
303
00:14:31,813 --> 00:14:33,381
I'm sorry.
304
00:14:33,416 --> 00:14:36,051
Look, maybe this is
just a time in your life
305
00:14:36,085 --> 00:14:37,252
where you have to
forget the past
306
00:14:37,287 --> 00:14:39,955
and just power forward.
307
00:14:39,990 --> 00:14:41,324
Maybe I should just
go home.
308
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:44,161
- I keep saying the wrong thing.
- No, don't go.
309
00:14:44,195 --> 00:14:45,962
I want to show you
that I can be normal.
310
00:14:45,997 --> 00:14:48,598
Okay, but could you maybe
turn up the thermostat?
311
00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:49,633
It's a little chilly
in here.
312
00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:51,668
Oh, I'm sorry.
I like the cold.
313
00:14:51,702 --> 00:14:54,671
I like the heat.
314
00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:58,609
Right, right...
Miami Heat.
315
00:14:58,643 --> 00:15:01,879
You know what, I think maybe
we should do this another time.
316
00:15:01,913 --> 00:15:05,150
Okay?
Can I give you a ring?
317
00:15:05,184 --> 00:15:08,153
Right. No ring.
318
00:15:08,187 --> 00:15:10,000
No rings ever.
319
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,467
As I was saying,
320
00:15:11,501 --> 00:15:13,302
we like to meet
with each of you individually
321
00:15:13,337 --> 00:15:14,938
to make sure that
your stories are consistent.
322
00:15:14,972 --> 00:15:19,609
So how did you and Joy
get together?
323
00:15:19,644 --> 00:15:22,613
Well, when we met,
I was at a crosswalk...
324
00:15:22,647 --> 00:15:24,214
Crossroads!
325
00:15:24,248 --> 00:15:28,017
Crossroads!
326
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:31,453
And this beautiful woman
blew into my life
327
00:15:31,488 --> 00:15:32,888
like a tornado.
328
00:15:32,922 --> 00:15:36,458
She literally ripped the roof
off of my house.
329
00:15:36,493 --> 00:15:38,961
Don't ad lib,
just repeat what I say!
330
00:15:38,995 --> 00:15:40,262
Don't ad lib,
331
00:15:40,296 --> 00:15:42,397
just repeat what I say!
332
00:15:44,199 --> 00:15:45,400
I'm sorry. Excuse me?
333
00:15:45,434 --> 00:15:49,637
By that I mean
she changed my life,
334
00:15:49,671 --> 00:15:52,407
and made me feel like
a mannequin.
335
00:15:52,441 --> 00:15:56,410
Man again!
That makes more sense.
336
00:15:56,444 --> 00:15:58,212
Small chuckle.
337
00:16:04,253 --> 00:16:06,153
I'm lucky to have met her.
338
00:16:06,187 --> 00:16:10,057
Oh, she's lucky too.
My husband's a bum.
339
00:16:10,092 --> 00:16:11,859
Oh, really?
What's his name?
340
00:16:15,964 --> 00:16:17,031
What was that?
341
00:16:17,065 --> 00:16:19,066
Nothing.
Probably a squirrel.
342
00:16:19,101 --> 00:16:21,002
A squirrel?
343
00:16:21,036 --> 00:16:23,271
Oh, no.
Where's Vibrato?
344
00:16:23,305 --> 00:16:26,374
Oh, good lord!
It's just a squirrel!
345
00:16:26,409 --> 00:16:28,543
The squirrels are coming!
The war's started!
346
00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:29,879
Where's vibrato?
347
00:16:29,913 --> 00:16:31,714
Just get back out there.
348
00:16:31,748 --> 00:16:35,084
I'm sorry, I have to go.
I have a date with destiny.
349
00:16:35,118 --> 00:16:37,954
What are you laughing at?
350
00:16:44,996 --> 00:16:48,031
I find it sexy.
351
00:16:50,591 --> 00:16:52,491
So you picked a homeless man
to get your green card?
352
00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:54,460
Was that bad?
Should I not have done that?
353
00:16:54,461 --> 00:16:56,596
I'm new to your country.
354
00:16:57,630 --> 00:17:00,398
Your fiance is trying
to get a squirrel
355
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:01,900
to sign a peace treaty.
356
00:17:03,234 --> 00:17:04,711
I have a long ride.
357
00:17:04,716 --> 00:17:05,683
Do you mind it I use
your bathroom?
358
00:17:05,717 --> 00:17:08,819
Down the hall
to the left.
359
00:17:08,854 --> 00:17:11,889
Why does this
keep happening?
360
00:17:11,923 --> 00:17:13,057
I don't know.
361
00:17:13,091 --> 00:17:16,260
It seemed like such
an airtight plan.
362
00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,000
Well, I assume
you all witnessed
363
00:17:22,034 --> 00:17:24,101
my career suicide.
364
00:17:24,136 --> 00:17:25,903
They fired me.
365
00:17:25,938 --> 00:17:27,939
Oh, honey,
it's just one job.
366
00:17:27,973 --> 00:17:31,209
You've had dry spells before.
The right part will come along.
367
00:17:31,243 --> 00:17:32,476
Well, what if it doesn't?
368
00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,178
I mean,
what if it's over?
369
00:17:34,213 --> 00:17:37,115
If I'm not in front
of a camera, then who am I?
370
00:17:37,149 --> 00:17:39,751
I just don't know
if the un-televised life
371
00:17:39,785 --> 00:17:40,918
is worth living.
372
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:47,292
Sorry, Elka,
no courtside tickets.
373
00:17:47,326 --> 00:17:51,629
You slept with him.
374
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:54,031
No.
375
00:17:54,066 --> 00:17:55,733
But why is everyone
in this town
376
00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:57,234
so obsessed with their teams?
377
00:17:57,269 --> 00:17:59,603
My segment was a hit!
378
00:17:59,638 --> 00:18:02,272
The station said
they've been flooded with calls.
379
00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:04,775
Apparently I say
what other people are thinking.
380
00:18:04,809 --> 00:18:07,144
And luckily for me,
what other people are thinking
381
00:18:07,178 --> 00:18:09,145
is completely unlikable.
382
00:18:09,180 --> 00:18:11,214
Oh, we have company.
383
00:18:11,248 --> 00:18:14,283
Hello, Victoria Chase,
from "Oh hi, Ohio".
384
00:18:14,317 --> 00:18:16,385
Check local listings.
385
00:18:16,419 --> 00:18:18,654
This is Patricia Wellons,
from the I.N.S.
386
00:18:18,688 --> 00:18:20,488
Oh, hi.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
387
00:18:20,523 --> 00:18:22,223
- I'm being deported.
- What?
388
00:18:22,258 --> 00:18:24,459
But Joy and her fiance
are so in love.
389
00:18:24,493 --> 00:18:25,960
I know he's a homeless man.
390
00:18:25,994 --> 00:18:29,631
But that's what makes it
so... so heartwarming.
391
00:18:29,665 --> 00:18:31,766
Thanks for trying,
but it's over.
392
00:18:31,801 --> 00:18:33,736
No, I'm not gonna let
this be over.
393
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:34,904
No, me either.
394
00:18:34,938 --> 00:18:36,272
I mean,
I'll marry her myself,
395
00:18:36,306 --> 00:18:38,407
if that's what it takes.
396
00:18:38,442 --> 00:18:41,911
I can't stand her,
but I still want her to stay.
397
00:18:41,945 --> 00:18:45,215
She gets me.
398
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,083
Listen, Joy may not
be married,
399
00:18:47,118 --> 00:18:50,487
but she has deep ties
to this country... us.
400
00:18:50,521 --> 00:18:51,688
You know,
and in a lot of ways,
401
00:18:51,723 --> 00:18:53,557
our friendship is stronger
than any marriage.
402
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,726
I mean, we've been together
longer than
403
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,028
all four of my marriages
combined.
404
00:18:58,063 --> 00:19:01,732
- It's five.
- Five.
405
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:05,102
Shoot, I always forget
Ernie Hudson.
406
00:19:06,871 --> 00:19:08,238
We're a family.
407
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,874
If you deport Joy,
you'll break us up.
408
00:19:10,908 --> 00:19:13,410
- You all live here together?
- Mm-hmm.
409
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:18,581
We certainly do.
We're like sisters.
410
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:20,116
You know, my girlfriends
and I often joke
411
00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:23,085
about living together and
having our husbands come visit.
412
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:24,186
But you ladies are
doing it.
413
00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:25,520
I admire that.
414
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:27,589
So you'll get me
a green card?
415
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,859
- No.
- Oh, can't you just let her...
416
00:19:29,893 --> 00:19:32,328
Okay, what I will do
is give you an extension
417
00:19:32,363 --> 00:19:34,097
so that you have more time
to file an appeal
418
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:35,198
to stay here legally.
419
00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:37,735
Oh, thank you.
420
00:19:40,005 --> 00:19:46,177
You know, you ladies really
have something special here.
421
00:19:46,212 --> 00:19:48,746
Oh, Joy.
422
00:19:48,780 --> 00:19:51,382
I've had some time to think,
423
00:19:51,416 --> 00:19:54,852
and I can't go through
with this sham marriage.
424
00:19:54,886 --> 00:19:57,820
When I get married,
I want it to be for real.
425
00:19:57,855 --> 00:19:58,988
For love.
426
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:03,226
Hush, Vibrato!
I told her!
427
00:20:04,961 --> 00:20:08,598
It's funny because
she can't even hang on
428
00:20:08,632 --> 00:20:10,667
to a homeless man!
429
00:20:11,012 --> 00:20:17,012
Sync & corrections by Alice
Resync for 720p by Baqinardo for www.addic7ed.Com
430
00:20:17,062 --> 00:20:21,612
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