Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,249 --> 00:00:02,283
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
2
00:00:02,317 --> 00:00:04,251
in front of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:04,286 --> 00:00:06,120
Where do I begin?
4
00:00:06,154 --> 00:00:08,022
My business is in shambles,
5
00:00:08,056 --> 00:00:10,157
I'm about to be deported.
6
00:00:10,192 --> 00:00:11,625
My fake fiance dumped me,
7
00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:14,195
so I can't even keep a phony
relationship going.
8
00:00:14,229 --> 00:00:18,566
Oh... and yesterday, I lost a tooth.
9
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,434
No warning, just sneezed.
10
00:00:20,469 --> 00:00:21,569
My upper-right molar
flew out,
11
00:00:21,603 --> 00:00:24,605
landed in my purse.
12
00:00:24,639 --> 00:00:26,907
So... be honest.
13
00:00:26,942 --> 00:00:29,210
Do you think I'm projecting
feelings of insecurity
14
00:00:29,244 --> 00:00:31,345
because I'm clinically codependent?
15
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:34,148
I think this works better
if you come closer
16
00:00:34,182 --> 00:00:38,119
to the crystal ball.
17
00:00:38,153 --> 00:00:40,321
No offense, but I can't stare
18
00:00:40,355 --> 00:00:42,423
at that ridiculous ball.
19
00:00:42,457 --> 00:00:45,559
No problem.
We go off the ball.
20
00:00:45,594 --> 00:00:48,362
Now, I give you something to help,
21
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:51,799
but you have to keep open mind.
22
00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:55,269
They are spanx.
23
00:00:55,303 --> 00:00:57,571
Spanx?
24
00:00:57,606 --> 00:01:00,708
I'm confused, not to mention offended.
25
00:01:00,742 --> 00:01:03,777
These not ordinary spanx.
26
00:01:03,812 --> 00:01:05,513
Magic spanx.
27
00:01:05,547 --> 00:01:09,683
They shape and control the future.
28
00:01:09,718 --> 00:01:12,987
Right, magic spanx.
29
00:01:13,021 --> 00:01:14,455
Do you validate parking?
30
00:01:14,489 --> 00:01:17,124
Because I'd like to get
something out of this.
31
00:01:17,159 --> 00:01:19,160
[Cell phone rings]
32
00:01:23,465 --> 00:01:25,065
"Cute Oliver."
33
00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:26,367
"Cute Oliver"?
34
00:01:26,401 --> 00:01:28,068
Oh, my God, cute Oliver!
35
00:01:28,103 --> 00:01:30,037
The guy I met at the market
a few months ago.
36
00:01:30,071 --> 00:01:33,407
Spanx is working.
37
00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:36,744
Hello.
Yes, this is Joy.
38
00:01:36,778 --> 00:01:38,412
Of course I remember you.
39
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:41,815
Tall, brown eyes,
wobbly wheel on your cart.
40
00:01:41,850 --> 00:01:43,083
Oh.
41
00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:44,785
Saturday night.
42
00:01:44,819 --> 00:01:46,153
Brilliant.
43
00:01:46,188 --> 00:01:50,424
I will see you then.
Bye.
44
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:52,593
$300.
45
00:01:52,627 --> 00:01:55,496
$300 for a pair of spanx?
46
00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:58,399
I'll save them for the next customer.
47
00:01:58,433 --> 00:02:00,267
Do psychics take credit cards?
48
00:02:00,302 --> 00:02:02,736
Anything but Discover.
49
00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:10,678
These things have brought us
nothing but misery.
50
00:02:10,712 --> 00:02:12,012
I say we burn them.
51
00:02:12,047 --> 00:02:13,280
Ooh, I don't know.
Do you think it's legal?
52
00:02:13,315 --> 00:02:14,882
You can't burn leaves anymore.
53
00:02:14,916 --> 00:02:16,317
Oh, please.
54
00:02:16,351 --> 00:02:17,618
You can burn anything.
55
00:02:17,652 --> 00:02:21,255
I once set fire
to Ryan O'Neal's Porsche.
56
00:02:21,289 --> 00:02:23,824
Well, he wasn't in it.
57
00:02:27,095 --> 00:02:29,096
Cincinnati blows!
58
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,267
Oh, Indians lose again?
59
00:02:33,301 --> 00:02:34,501
Ugh.
60
00:02:34,536 --> 00:02:36,537
We got swept by the Reds.
61
00:02:36,571 --> 00:02:40,107
Stupid inter-league play.
62
00:02:40,141 --> 00:02:41,842
Bet all the ladies
from the senior center
63
00:02:41,876 --> 00:02:43,611
were pretty bummed
on the bus ride home, huh?
64
00:02:43,645 --> 00:02:46,614
There were more balled-up
tissues on that floor
65
00:02:46,648 --> 00:02:49,483
than in a teenage boy's bedroom.
66
00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:53,621
Elka!
67
00:02:53,655 --> 00:02:54,955
What?
68
00:02:54,990 --> 00:02:58,092
Teenagers cry a lot.
69
00:02:58,126 --> 00:03:02,496
'Cause they want it so bad and
they're just not getting any.
70
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:04,965
Listen,
71
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,734
I know it's not a great time
to be a fan,
72
00:03:06,768 --> 00:03:07,835
but come on.
73
00:03:07,869 --> 00:03:08,936
You are a Grady's lady.
74
00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:11,171
And win or lose,
Grady Sizemore is still
75
00:03:11,206 --> 00:03:13,941
one of the best-looking
players around, right?
76
00:03:13,975 --> 00:03:17,311
He did help me learn
how to use Google images.
77
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,383
So what are you three bats doing
78
00:03:22,417 --> 00:03:25,686
flapping around the fireplace?
79
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,022
We were about to set these ablaze.
80
00:03:28,056 --> 00:03:30,824
You're burning a girdle?
81
00:03:30,859 --> 00:03:32,359
It's not a girdle.
82
00:03:32,394 --> 00:03:34,561
Well, it looks like a girdle.
83
00:03:34,596 --> 00:03:36,797
No, it's spanx, it's a shaper.
84
00:03:36,831 --> 00:03:39,733
So it's a girdle.
85
00:03:39,768 --> 00:03:42,269
It's a compression garment
that makes a smooth line
86
00:03:42,304 --> 00:03:43,470
under your clothes.
87
00:03:43,505 --> 00:03:44,905
Oh.
88
00:03:44,939 --> 00:03:47,941
Oh, I have a compression garment
like that.
89
00:03:47,976 --> 00:03:49,910
It's called a girdle.
90
00:04:00,622 --> 00:04:04,058
So why do you have to burn the spanx?
91
00:04:04,092 --> 00:04:05,859
I was so desperate for advice,
92
00:04:05,894 --> 00:04:07,961
I went to a psychic, and she swore
93
00:04:07,996 --> 00:04:10,064
these would bring me luck,
but they didn't.
94
00:04:10,098 --> 00:04:14,201
Well, obviously, the only
authentic psychics are in L.A.
95
00:04:14,235 --> 00:04:16,870
I know it's silly,
but the moment I touched these,
96
00:04:16,905 --> 00:04:19,840
this guy I'd been dying
to hear from suddenly called.
97
00:04:19,874 --> 00:04:22,609
We made a date,
I slipped on the magic spanx,
98
00:04:22,644 --> 00:04:24,645
and I truly believed things
were finally
99
00:04:24,679 --> 00:04:26,613
going to turn around for me.
100
00:04:26,648 --> 00:04:31,919
I like where this is heading.
101
00:04:31,953 --> 00:04:33,954
[Doorbell rings]
102
00:04:36,791 --> 00:04:38,092
Joy?
103
00:04:38,126 --> 00:04:40,427
Oliver.
104
00:04:40,462 --> 00:04:42,129
Wow. A tux.
105
00:04:42,163 --> 00:04:43,630
And I was worried I was overdressed.
106
00:04:43,665 --> 00:04:45,065
No, you look great.
107
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,401
Um, please come in.
108
00:04:47,435 --> 00:04:51,338
I'm so glad this finally happened.
109
00:04:51,373 --> 00:04:53,307
Joy, this is awkward.
110
00:04:53,341 --> 00:04:55,409
I think on the day we met
at the market,
111
00:04:55,443 --> 00:04:57,111
I met another lady, a young lady.
112
00:04:57,145 --> 00:05:00,347
Not that you're not young.
113
00:05:00,382 --> 00:05:01,782
But I'm looking
for a baby-sitter
114
00:05:01,816 --> 00:05:03,450
for my three-year-old son
and I think
115
00:05:03,485 --> 00:05:06,019
I wrote down her number next to yours.
116
00:05:06,054 --> 00:05:07,588
So when I called you...
117
00:05:07,622 --> 00:05:08,989
- You were looking
for a baby-sitter.
118
00:05:09,023 --> 00:05:10,591
I am so sorry.
119
00:05:10,625 --> 00:05:12,526
You know, I didn't remember
the baby-sitter
120
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,062
having an English accent,
but then I thought, "great,"
121
00:05:15,096 --> 00:05:17,464
"she sounds just like Mary Poppins."
122
00:05:17,499 --> 00:05:19,500
Yes, well, it's gonna take more
123
00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:23,103
than a spoonful of sugar
to make this one go down.
124
00:05:23,138 --> 00:05:25,305
I am so sorry and I...
125
00:05:25,340 --> 00:05:26,673
I know this is out of line,
126
00:05:26,708 --> 00:05:28,776
but would you consider staying anyway?
127
00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:30,944
I wouldn't ask, but I'm in a bind.
128
00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:33,313
Tonight's a really big night for me.
129
00:05:33,348 --> 00:05:35,182
I'm proposing to my girlfriend.
130
00:05:35,216 --> 00:05:36,483
[Chuckles]
131
00:05:36,518 --> 00:05:37,918
Could this possibly get any worse?
132
00:05:37,952 --> 00:05:39,186
Oh, you're right, you're right.
133
00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:40,421
This isn't fair.
134
00:05:40,455 --> 00:05:41,789
I shouldn't ask you to stay.
135
00:05:41,823 --> 00:05:43,424
I'm just gonna call the restaurant.
136
00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:46,226
Probably can't stop
the fireworks, but, uh...
137
00:05:46,261 --> 00:05:48,662
Oh, all right.
I'm here.
138
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,164
I might as well stay.
139
00:05:50,198 --> 00:05:51,832
Oh, thank you.
140
00:05:51,866 --> 00:05:53,434
Thank you.
I'm just so nervous
141
00:05:53,468 --> 00:05:54,668
about the proposal.
142
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,136
I've been practicing all day.
143
00:05:56,171 --> 00:05:59,139
And, uh, would you mind
if I run it by you?
144
00:05:59,174 --> 00:06:02,576
[Laughs]
145
00:06:02,610 --> 00:06:05,779
You're not joking.
146
00:06:05,814 --> 00:06:07,815
Okay, fine.
147
00:06:11,286 --> 00:06:12,853
My darling, Angelique.
148
00:06:12,887 --> 00:06:17,191
"Angelique."
149
00:06:17,225 --> 00:06:18,992
Before I ever laid eyes on you,
150
00:06:19,027 --> 00:06:22,296
my life was filled with love,
laughter, and song.
151
00:06:22,330 --> 00:06:23,630
Well, that's pretty.
152
00:06:23,665 --> 00:06:25,499
And then I saw your face
153
00:06:25,533 --> 00:06:27,134
and I knew I'd never heard music,
154
00:06:27,168 --> 00:06:30,337
never laughed, never truly loved
until that moment.
155
00:06:30,371 --> 00:06:32,306
I like that bit as well.
156
00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:33,941
My darling, darling...
157
00:06:33,975 --> 00:06:37,211
- Joy.
- Angelique...
158
00:06:37,245 --> 00:06:38,612
will you marry me?
159
00:06:38,646 --> 00:06:39,913
I will.
160
00:06:39,948 --> 00:06:41,415
I do... I shall.
161
00:06:41,449 --> 00:06:43,784
Okay!
162
00:06:43,818 --> 00:06:45,719
I'm feeling much more confident now.
163
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,020
All right, so listen.
164
00:06:47,055 --> 00:06:48,622
Jacob's pull-ups are
in the bathroom cabinet.
165
00:06:48,656 --> 00:06:50,190
He's pretty much potty trained now,
166
00:06:50,225 --> 00:06:52,025
but he still like
to wear one on his head.
167
00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:54,027
Ha. Who doesn't?
168
00:06:54,062 --> 00:06:57,064
- Hey, Jacob, come on out
and meet your baby-sitter.
169
00:06:59,167 --> 00:07:01,168
What happened to pretty Cindy?
170
00:07:01,202 --> 00:07:03,670
Oh, sorry, kid.
171
00:07:03,705 --> 00:07:05,005
Yes, tonight, you're stuck with
172
00:07:05,039 --> 00:07:07,708
"why did I buy a new dress" Joy.
173
00:07:10,512 --> 00:07:12,846
Oh, how humiliating.
174
00:07:12,881 --> 00:07:16,083
Tell it again.
175
00:07:16,117 --> 00:07:19,019
Oh, okay, fine.
176
00:07:19,053 --> 00:07:20,754
So what did the spanx do to you?
177
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:23,657
Well, not to belittle
your experience, Joy,
178
00:07:23,691 --> 00:07:27,227
but your experience is so much
smaller than mine was.
179
00:07:27,262 --> 00:07:29,997
So it was still a few days
before Joy needed the spanx,
180
00:07:30,031 --> 00:07:32,799
so I thought, "well,
I'm poor and out of work,
181
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:37,204
"that's he perfect time
to believe in magic."
182
00:07:37,238 --> 00:07:39,339
Within an hour of putting them on,
183
00:07:39,374 --> 00:07:41,008
my agent called me with an audition
184
00:07:41,042 --> 00:07:43,477
in New York for a major motion picture.
185
00:07:43,511 --> 00:07:45,212
Oh, Amanda.
186
00:07:45,246 --> 00:07:47,814
Of course I'll forgive you.
187
00:07:47,849 --> 00:07:49,416
No matter what you do, you'll always
188
00:07:49,450 --> 00:07:51,585
be my little girl.
189
00:07:51,619 --> 00:07:53,253
Hello?
190
00:07:53,288 --> 00:07:54,821
Oh, hi. Perfect timing.
191
00:07:54,856 --> 00:07:56,690
Melanie, this is Victoria Chase.
192
00:07:56,724 --> 00:07:58,759
Victoria, you must know
Melanie Griffith.
193
00:07:58,793 --> 00:08:00,160
Of course.
Melanie, we've never met,
194
00:08:00,194 --> 00:08:01,161
but I love your work.
195
00:08:01,195 --> 00:08:02,296
I love your work.
196
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:04,097
- And I love your shoes.
- And I love your shoes.
197
00:08:04,132 --> 00:08:05,566
And I love my shoes.
198
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,934
Why don't I start to tape rolling,
199
00:08:06,968 --> 00:08:08,368
so you two can read together?
200
00:08:08,403 --> 00:08:10,103
- Okay.
- Read together?
201
00:08:10,138 --> 00:08:11,371
Yeah, I'm Amanda.
202
00:08:11,406 --> 00:08:14,875
I'll be playing your daughter
in the movie.
203
00:08:14,909 --> 00:08:16,643
You're playing my dau...
204
00:08:16,678 --> 00:08:19,046
You're playing my daughter?
205
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,848
Obviously, there has been
some sort of mistake.
206
00:08:21,883 --> 00:08:23,984
What kind of mistake?
207
00:08:24,018 --> 00:08:25,085
I mean, Melanie,
208
00:08:25,119 --> 00:08:26,954
you're a beautiful, talented woman,
209
00:08:26,988 --> 00:08:28,488
but I am not sure that an audience
210
00:08:28,523 --> 00:08:29,590
would buy you as my daughter.
211
00:08:29,624 --> 00:08:31,391
I mean, come on.
212
00:08:31,426 --> 00:08:32,559
Look at us.
213
00:08:32,594 --> 00:08:35,596
We're virtually the same age.
214
00:08:38,032 --> 00:08:39,433
Okay, good.
Fine. Wonderful.
215
00:08:39,467 --> 00:08:41,034
Let's just jump right in.
216
00:08:41,069 --> 00:08:44,371
Okay.
217
00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:46,607
Oh, Amanda.
218
00:08:46,641 --> 00:08:48,742
Of course I'll forgive you.
219
00:08:48,776 --> 00:08:53,246
No matter what you do,
you'll always be my little...
220
00:08:53,281 --> 00:08:56,450
My little gi...
221
00:08:56,484 --> 00:08:58,118
You caught me.
222
00:08:58,152 --> 00:09:01,321
You see, I didn't actually
read the script.
223
00:09:01,356 --> 00:09:05,325
Um, is this some sort
of Avatar, CGI thing?
224
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:08,228
Perhaps we're both green with tails.
225
00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:09,930
- No.
- I see.
226
00:09:09,964 --> 00:09:12,933
Then am I getting punked?
Should I act surprised?
227
00:09:12,967 --> 00:09:14,101
No.
228
00:09:14,135 --> 00:09:17,404
C'est une comedie grotesque?
229
00:09:17,438 --> 00:09:20,273
You mean the French conceit
where the roles of the play
230
00:09:20,308 --> 00:09:23,343
are cast with the most
unsuitable actors possible?
231
00:09:23,378 --> 00:09:26,413
No.
232
00:09:26,447 --> 00:09:28,181
Let's just run the scene and try
233
00:09:28,216 --> 00:09:29,716
to have fun with it, okay?
234
00:09:29,751 --> 00:09:31,018
Melanie, why don't you start?
235
00:09:31,052 --> 00:09:34,187
All right.
236
00:09:34,222 --> 00:09:37,324
Mother, there's nothing left
for me in Gettysburg,
237
00:09:37,358 --> 00:09:38,725
but if I leave, will you ever
238
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,494
be able to forgive me?
239
00:09:40,528 --> 00:09:43,797
Oh, Amanda...
240
00:09:43,831 --> 00:09:45,899
Of course I'll forgive you.
241
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,100
No matter what you do here...
242
00:09:47,135 --> 00:09:49,636
Victoria, just read it normally.
243
00:09:49,671 --> 00:09:50,971
Normally?
244
00:09:51,005 --> 00:09:54,241
Whatever do you mean?
245
00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:56,710
He means just use your regular voice.
246
00:09:56,744 --> 00:09:59,680
You know, my own mother is only
a few years older than you.
247
00:09:59,714 --> 00:10:02,949
You take that back.
248
00:10:02,984 --> 00:10:04,718
Nobody knows how old I am.
249
00:10:04,752 --> 00:10:07,387
I am an evergreen.
250
00:10:07,422 --> 00:10:09,523
Well, maybe we should just
cut you in half
251
00:10:09,557 --> 00:10:12,626
and count the rings.
252
00:10:12,660 --> 00:10:14,494
You know, it is just so crazy to think
253
00:10:14,529 --> 00:10:17,964
that anyone with eyes could
believe that I bore you.
254
00:10:17,999 --> 00:10:20,701
Actually, you do bore me.
255
00:10:20,735 --> 00:10:22,102
How dare you?
256
00:10:22,136 --> 00:10:26,039
You busty, bleached-blonde
bombshell.
257
00:10:26,074 --> 00:10:28,008
Hey, I am a natural blonde.
258
00:10:28,042 --> 00:10:29,843
But while we're on the subject,
259
00:10:29,877 --> 00:10:32,546
you might want to rethink
those gray hairs
260
00:10:32,580 --> 00:10:34,881
that you're passing off as highlights.
261
00:10:34,916 --> 00:10:38,785
I bet the only magazine
you ever read is Highlights.
262
00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:40,053
Ooh.
263
00:10:40,088 --> 00:10:42,289
Nice comeback... mommy.
264
00:10:42,323 --> 00:10:44,157
[Gasps] Don't you walk away from me.
265
00:10:44,192 --> 00:10:46,693
Ah-ya!
266
00:10:46,728 --> 00:10:49,396
You forget that I did all my own stunts
267
00:10:49,430 --> 00:10:50,864
in Crazy in Alabama.
268
00:10:50,898 --> 00:10:54,167
And you forget a little
Lifetime Original Movie
269
00:10:54,202 --> 00:10:56,803
called Soccer mom ninja.
270
00:10:56,838 --> 00:10:58,839
Ah!
271
00:11:04,628 --> 00:11:05,694
So clearly, I have been cursed
272
00:11:05,979 --> 00:11:07,212
by these stupid spanx.
273
00:11:07,247 --> 00:11:09,047
Now all over show business,
Victoria Chase
274
00:11:09,082 --> 00:11:11,450
is known as
a "difficult actress."
275
00:11:11,484 --> 00:11:13,952
To watch?
276
00:11:18,358 --> 00:11:20,325
Oh, Elka.
277
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,997
Dear, sweet,
shar-pei in a sweatshirt Elka.
278
00:11:25,031 --> 00:11:27,332
So what do you blame the girdle for?
279
00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:29,601
Oh, well, in my case, I just wanted
280
00:11:29,636 --> 00:11:31,303
to look better in the dress
I was wearing.
281
00:11:31,937 --> 00:11:34,672
See, I've had my eye on this cute guy
282
00:11:34,673 --> 00:11:37,008
for a few weeks and he goes
into Stormi's
283
00:11:37,009 --> 00:11:38,843
every Saturday, so I thought I would
284
00:11:38,844 --> 00:11:41,245
take the spanx out for a stroll.
285
00:11:42,682 --> 00:11:44,416
Hi.
Is this seat taken?
286
00:11:44,450 --> 00:11:46,785
Uh, no.
287
00:11:46,819 --> 00:11:48,253
Although I keep putting my coat on it
288
00:11:48,288 --> 00:11:51,190
and taking my coat back off
and putting it back on again.
289
00:11:51,224 --> 00:11:53,492
I'm sort of saving it
for this cute guy over there
290
00:11:53,526 --> 00:11:54,526
who doesn't even know I exist.
291
00:11:54,561 --> 00:11:55,761
And why am I still talking?
292
00:11:55,795 --> 00:11:56,995
You just want to sit.
I'm sorry.
293
00:11:57,030 --> 00:11:57,996
Sit, please.
294
00:11:58,031 --> 00:12:00,399
Thanks.
295
00:12:00,433 --> 00:12:02,167
You know, I'm kind of here
for the same reason.
296
00:12:02,202 --> 00:12:03,835
There's this really cute guy
I've been watching.
297
00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:04,937
Oh, no.
298
00:12:04,971 --> 00:12:06,238
Does he look like Rob Lowe,
299
00:12:06,272 --> 00:12:08,640
only blonder and, ironically, smarter?
300
00:12:08,675 --> 00:12:10,375
Is he playing darts over there?
301
00:12:10,410 --> 00:12:11,577
Please tell me he's not playing darts.
302
00:12:11,611 --> 00:12:13,512
No, it's the bartender.
303
00:12:13,546 --> 00:12:14,913
Ben!
304
00:12:14,948 --> 00:12:16,181
Oh, we always thought he was gay.
305
00:12:16,216 --> 00:12:18,584
But you just go for it.
306
00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:20,085
Would you like me to introduce you,
307
00:12:20,119 --> 00:12:21,220
because we're sort of friends.
308
00:12:21,254 --> 00:12:23,555
Oh, no.
I'm way too shy.
309
00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:25,257
Which is why I wrote him this note.
310
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:28,227
Maybe you could give it to him for me.
311
00:12:28,261 --> 00:12:29,695
I mean, kind of romantic, right?
312
00:12:29,729 --> 00:12:31,230
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
313
00:12:31,264 --> 00:12:33,498
In a third grade sort of way.
314
00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:38,003
Ben, if I had a note
from somebody who liked you,
315
00:12:38,037 --> 00:12:41,873
would you be hoping it was
from a girl or a guy?
316
00:12:41,908 --> 00:12:45,711
That depends on what it says.
317
00:12:45,745 --> 00:12:50,215
Here.
318
00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:51,416
What?
What are you doing?
319
00:12:51,451 --> 00:12:52,584
Ben?
320
00:12:52,619 --> 00:12:54,186
"Empty the cash register.
I have a gun"?
321
00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:56,688
That's not very romantic.
322
00:12:56,723 --> 00:12:59,458
Oh!
Ooh.
323
00:12:59,492 --> 00:13:00,692
Thanks.
324
00:13:00,727 --> 00:13:01,927
And good luck with your guy.
325
00:13:01,961 --> 00:13:03,962
Oh, thank...
326
00:13:06,332 --> 00:13:07,799
Let me through!
I'm a doctor!
327
00:13:07,834 --> 00:13:09,134
A doctor?
328
00:13:09,168 --> 00:13:10,469
I mean, help her!
329
00:13:10,503 --> 00:13:12,537
Somebody call an ambulance!
330
00:13:12,572 --> 00:13:13,739
Stat!
331
00:13:13,773 --> 00:13:16,942
Thanks.
332
00:13:16,976 --> 00:13:18,310
I need more than these napkins
333
00:13:18,344 --> 00:13:19,911
to make a tourniquet.
334
00:13:19,946 --> 00:13:23,982
I need something with compression.
335
00:13:24,017 --> 00:13:28,053
Does anybody here have anything
that's strong and stretchy?
336
00:13:30,757 --> 00:13:33,492
It's a matter of life or death!
337
00:13:33,526 --> 00:13:35,294
I have something that can help.
338
00:13:35,328 --> 00:13:37,996
But you have to turn away.
339
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:40,583
I said turn away.
340
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:54,011
You know, these spanx
really look great
341
00:13:54,045 --> 00:13:55,279
while you're wearing 'em, but they
342
00:13:55,313 --> 00:13:57,347
are not pretty to take off.
343
00:13:57,382 --> 00:13:59,549
I mean, as soon as you
roll down the waistband,
344
00:13:59,584 --> 00:14:03,754
this creates this totally
unnatural spillage, right?
345
00:14:03,788 --> 00:14:05,889
It's like your stomach is a volcano
346
00:14:05,924 --> 00:14:09,026
and layers of molten lava
347
00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:12,696
and it's just, like,
lapping over the top.
348
00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:15,065
Okay, I've heard enough.
349
00:14:15,099 --> 00:14:18,635
Stop blaming an innocent girdle.
350
00:14:18,670 --> 00:14:20,270
You're desperate,
351
00:14:20,305 --> 00:14:21,505
you're vain
352
00:14:21,539 --> 00:14:25,709
and you're gullible.
353
00:14:25,743 --> 00:14:28,779
I say we burn her too.
354
00:14:31,883 --> 00:14:35,185
[Cell phone rings]
355
00:14:35,219 --> 00:14:37,688
Oh, right after I speak to my agent.
356
00:14:37,722 --> 00:14:39,423
Here.
[Doorbell rings]
357
00:14:39,457 --> 00:14:44,861
Oh, I'll get it.
358
00:14:44,896 --> 00:14:46,797
Oh, hi, it's you.
359
00:14:46,831 --> 00:14:49,967
Dr. "I'm a doctor."
360
00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:51,535
[Chuckles]
361
00:14:51,569 --> 00:14:52,803
Yeah, I'm sorry.
362
00:14:52,837 --> 00:14:53,904
Actually, I don't know your name.
363
00:14:53,938 --> 00:14:55,639
- I'm Aaron.
- I'm...
364
00:14:55,673 --> 00:14:58,709
Melanie Hope Moretti.
365
00:14:58,743 --> 00:15:00,210
- I have your wallet.
- Oh.
366
00:15:00,244 --> 00:15:01,578
You must have dropped it when you
367
00:15:01,612 --> 00:15:04,748
were trying to give me your girdle.
368
00:15:11,356 --> 00:15:12,589
Spanx.
369
00:15:12,623 --> 00:15:14,257
You're welcome.
370
00:15:18,129 --> 00:15:19,963
Anyway, your license
had your address...
371
00:15:19,998 --> 00:15:21,098
Oh! You saw my license?
372
00:15:21,132 --> 00:15:23,433
I mean, yeah, sure,
the address is correct,
373
00:15:23,468 --> 00:15:26,536
but, you know, the weight and the age,
374
00:15:26,571 --> 00:15:28,238
it's totally typos!
375
00:15:28,272 --> 00:15:29,840
And that picture?
376
00:15:29,874 --> 00:15:31,508
That picture's adorable.
377
00:15:31,542 --> 00:15:33,210
Oh, stop it.
378
00:15:33,244 --> 00:15:35,178
You're just saying that.
379
00:15:35,213 --> 00:15:37,447
Say it again.
380
00:15:37,482 --> 00:15:39,983
Okay, how about over dinner this week?
381
00:15:40,018 --> 00:15:42,619
Well, that would be perfect,
382
00:15:42,653 --> 00:15:45,589
because I'm gonna be hungry this week.
383
00:15:50,194 --> 00:15:51,161
I'll call you tomorrow.
384
00:15:51,195 --> 00:15:53,063
I'll answer tomorrow.
385
00:15:53,097 --> 00:15:56,366
And I'll stop doing that.
386
00:15:56,401 --> 00:15:57,501
[Laughs]
387
00:15:57,535 --> 00:15:58,602
Don't burn the spanx.
388
00:15:58,636 --> 00:16:00,270
I just got a date
with the dreamy doctor.
389
00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:02,539
And I just got a job.
390
00:16:02,573 --> 00:16:04,474
The videotape of my tussle
with Melanie Griffith
391
00:16:04,509 --> 00:16:07,444
made the rounds of a few
prominent casting directors
392
00:16:07,478 --> 00:16:09,246
and I have been offered a star turn
393
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,782
on opposite...
394
00:16:11,816 --> 00:16:17,354
Susan Lucci.
395
00:16:17,388 --> 00:16:20,390
Will you be playing her mother too?
396
00:16:25,329 --> 00:16:26,463
No.
397
00:16:26,497 --> 00:16:28,398
I am going to chew her up
and spit her out
398
00:16:28,433 --> 00:16:30,033
and hope there's a mouthwash
strong enough
399
00:16:30,068 --> 00:16:32,402
to get the taste of bitch
out of my mouth.
400
00:16:32,437 --> 00:16:34,304
I am back!
401
00:16:34,338 --> 00:16:35,505
Congrats.
402
00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:37,541
Let's celebrate this
with a glass of wine
403
00:16:37,575 --> 00:16:39,843
in front of a roaring fire of spanx.
404
00:16:39,877 --> 00:16:41,545
No! I need those for my date!
405
00:16:41,579 --> 00:16:46,249
I'll buy you a new pair
with my baby-sitting money.
406
00:16:46,284 --> 00:16:50,120
Where are my matches?
407
00:16:50,154 --> 00:16:51,788
Aww.
408
00:16:51,823 --> 00:16:52,789
Jacob.
409
00:16:52,824 --> 00:16:54,191
What is it?
410
00:16:54,225 --> 00:16:57,060
The little boy I baby-sat
for drew this picture of me.
411
00:16:57,095 --> 00:16:59,463
Oh, it's a smiley face.
412
00:16:59,497 --> 00:17:04,935
He got the stick figure part right.
413
00:17:04,969 --> 00:17:06,603
That's not very good.
414
00:17:06,637 --> 00:17:09,239
He's just three.
415
00:17:09,273 --> 00:17:11,041
So how come you're smiling
in that picture
416
00:17:11,075 --> 00:17:12,576
if you had such a terrible time?
417
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:14,644
It wasn't terrible.
418
00:17:14,679 --> 00:17:18,215
To be honest, Jacob and I had
a wonderful evening together.
419
00:17:18,249 --> 00:17:20,784
"Sweet dreams, mister moon.
420
00:17:20,818 --> 00:17:23,086
"Sweet dreams, mister star.
421
00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:26,756
"Sweet dreams, mister comet,
wherever you are.
422
00:17:26,791 --> 00:17:29,092
"Sweet dreams, little truck.
423
00:17:29,127 --> 00:17:31,795
"Sweet dreams, little duck."
424
00:17:31,829 --> 00:17:34,564
Good God, this book is tedious.
425
00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:38,168
Don't you think, Jacob?
426
00:17:38,202 --> 00:17:41,972
And perhaps that's the point.
427
00:17:42,006 --> 00:17:43,406
This is silly,
428
00:17:43,441 --> 00:17:44,875
I took care of a little boy.
429
00:17:44,909 --> 00:17:46,409
It was fine, now it's over.
430
00:17:46,444 --> 00:17:47,644
Are you sure?
431
00:17:47,678 --> 00:17:49,679
No.
432
00:17:49,714 --> 00:17:50,981
I'm not.
433
00:17:51,015 --> 00:17:52,916
You know, they say the urge to mother
434
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:54,618
is purely chemical.
435
00:17:54,652 --> 00:17:56,186
Your body tells you it's ready,
436
00:17:56,220 --> 00:18:00,757
so you get knocked up
and then you spit one out.
437
00:18:00,791 --> 00:18:03,627
I mean, that's how it happened
both times for me.
438
00:18:03,661 --> 00:18:05,996
Victoria, you have three children.
439
00:18:10,034 --> 00:18:12,135
Look, I know I have a grown
son out there somewhere,
440
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,104
but I didn't raise him.
441
00:18:14,138 --> 00:18:16,206
And before it's too late,
I'd like to raise a child
442
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,574
of my own.
443
00:18:17,608 --> 00:18:19,676
I think I might be good at it.
444
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:23,413
I bet you would be good at it.
445
00:18:23,447 --> 00:18:24,981
And?
446
00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:27,217
No "and."
447
00:18:27,251 --> 00:18:30,854
Just take the compliment.
448
00:18:30,888 --> 00:18:32,222
Elka's right.
449
00:18:32,256 --> 00:18:33,990
You would make a great mom.
450
00:18:34,025 --> 00:18:36,126
You're responsible, you're fun,
451
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,427
you're caring.
452
00:18:37,461 --> 00:18:42,132
So how long we gonna yank her chain?
453
00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:46,369
You're too old.
454
00:18:46,404 --> 00:18:48,438
Well, it's not impossible.
455
00:18:48,472 --> 00:18:50,273
The Scroggs women are famous
for having babies
456
00:18:50,308 --> 00:18:52,842
later in life and there's
always adoption.
457
00:18:52,877 --> 00:18:56,246
Yeah, you gave one away.
You deserve one back.
458
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,514
You know, it's like
the give-a-penny,
459
00:18:57,548 --> 00:18:59,950
take-a-penny tray
at the gas station.
460
00:18:59,984 --> 00:19:02,052
I know the timing couldn't be worse
461
00:19:02,086 --> 00:19:03,620
for me to come to this epiphany,
462
00:19:03,654 --> 00:19:06,690
but the thought of it makes me happy.
463
00:19:06,724 --> 00:19:10,460
Maybe these turned out
to be lucky for me too.
464
00:19:10,494 --> 00:19:12,362
My turn.
465
00:19:12,396 --> 00:19:14,130
Wait a minute.
466
00:19:14,165 --> 00:19:16,833
I thought you didn't believe in magic.
467
00:19:16,867 --> 00:19:20,670
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
468
00:19:24,437 --> 00:19:25,904
It says here that it takes
469
00:19:25,939 --> 00:19:29,374
an average of 22 months for
a woman over 40 to get pregnant.
470
00:19:29,409 --> 00:19:31,510
Is that counting the 18 months
471
00:19:31,544 --> 00:19:35,848
it'll take you to find somebody
willing to go there?
472
00:19:35,882 --> 00:19:37,282
Oh, look, here we go.
473
00:19:37,317 --> 00:19:39,451
Grady's up to bat.
474
00:19:39,485 --> 00:19:40,652
[Baseball bat cracks]
475
00:19:40,687 --> 00:19:42,020
Bam! Wow!
476
00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:44,156
Grady Sizemore’s having
some kind of game!
477
00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:45,691
That's three home runs today.
478
00:19:45,725 --> 00:19:48,393
And is it just me
or does Grady's uniform
479
00:19:48,428 --> 00:19:50,362
look a little smoother than usual?
480
00:19:50,396 --> 00:19:53,732
I mean, I cannot see a line.
481
00:19:58,004 --> 00:19:59,738
That's right.
482
00:19:59,772 --> 00:20:01,540
I spanx'd him.
483
00:20:01,574 --> 00:20:04,576
Sync by dr.Jackson | Corr by Alice
www.Addic7ed.Com
484
00:20:04,626 --> 00:20:09,176
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33107
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof