All language subtitles for Hold the Sunset s01e04 The Burglary.eng

? Have I the right to hold you? ?

? You know I've always told you ?

? I've loved you from the very start ?

? Come right back ?

? I just can't bear it ?

? I've got this love
and I long to share it ?

? Come right back ?

? Right back where you belong ?

? Oh, yeah ?

? You belong. ?

Wendy, please sit down.
You're making me nervous.

- I'm sorry. I know I'm a nuisance.
- You're not a nuisance.

- A liability.
- You're not.

- A bore.
- Well, if you go on thinking you are...

You see?

Wendy, sit down, please.
That's all I'm asking.

Never used to be boring.

I used to be outgoing and fun.

Friends. Whatever happened to them?
They used to remark on it.

"You're so much fun, Wendy.
You're so life-enhancing."

Are you eating properly? You look as
if you've lost some weight.

I'm getting fat. It's all the worry.

I constantly have to eat comforting,
high-calorie junk food.

"You're so vivacious, Wendy,"
they used to say.

Well, you are vivacious.

Yes, but in the wrong way.

Oh, and I dreamt I killed Roger.

Oh, dear.

Last night. And I
didn't just kill him.

I did unspeakable things to him first.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, with chainsaws and corkscrews
and baths of acid and...

Eee-eee-eee-eee!

You know, like in that film by...
by Hancock.

Hitchcock. That must have been
extremely unpleasant for you.

- Not really.
- No?

- Not at all.
- Ah.

You see, that's what worries me.

Inch by inch, he's turning me into a
pathologically violent killer.

It was only a dream.

A very vivid dream.

I don't want to be a murderer.

- Well, no.
- A fat murderer.

And I certainly don't want to be
punished for doing away with Roger,

however lenient the sentence.

- Wendy...
- Yes?

What did you come to see me about?

Roger's in arrears with
the mortgage! I just...

[EDITH SIGHS]

Should that thing be off the leash?

- What?
- I don't want to get snapped at.

You won't be.

You seem very confident.

I am.

He's dead.

- Dead? Are you sure?
- Well, of course I'm bloody sure!

Sorry. Sorry.

I wouldn't be wrong about that, would I?

No, I'm sorry. Sorry.

He died on Saturday.

Heart attack.

Very sorry.

It's all right. You don't
have to say anything.

I know you don't mean it.

- No, I do, I do really.
- Really?

Really, yes, uh...

Every dog's death diminishes me.

Excuse me?

Well, my wife, Celia,
she died eight years ago, you know,

so I know what it's like. It's not easy.

This is one of your bad-taste jokes.

No, no, certainly not.

Are you seriously suggesting there's

an equivalence between your
late wife and Wellington?

- Wellington?
- My dog.

You're suggesting that Wellington
and your wife were on a par?

Well, obviously I wouldn't have
married Wellington.

See? Bad-taste jokes again.

You just can't resist them, can you?

No, no, no, no, no, look,
I'm trying to make a serious point.

I mean, death is indivisible.

Whether it's a beloved animal or a
spouse, it's...

not dissimilar in effect.

Well, yes, I see.

Love can't tell the difference.

That's my belief.

I miss him... in more ways than
I ever expected.

At every turn.

Of course you do. I miss Celia.

That's the way it goes.

He always let me know
when someone was at the door.

Oh, that was useful. Celia was
rather shy in that department.

She always let me answer the door.

He snored.

Gently. Very calming.

Yes, well, he had the edge on Celia
there.

Unless he heard something outside,
then he really let rip.

Lots of burglaries around here
at the moment.

Do you have a burglar alarm?

No.

Oh, I hear strange
noises in the night all the time.

You're still, erm, carrying his leash.

Are you going to get another one?

I think I may be too
old for another Wellington.

Well, I'd recommend a cat.

Not expensive to run,

and keeps me in touch with
the infinite on a budget.

I'm a dog man. Always have been.

But, um...

..thanks.

Yes.

Thank you.

Poor sod.

It's a vendetta, isn't it?

He'd like to see us destitute,

out on the streets without
a roof over our heads.

Preferably starving. He'd enjoy that.

Perhaps he forgot.

Edith, forgive me for saying so,

but you've got to stop giving Roger
the benefit of the doubt.

You've always loved him unconditionally

and see where it's led.

Wendy, you've got a very strange
way of asking for sympathy.

I'm not asking for sympathy,
I'm asking for justice.

I think you mean revenge.

I'm not a vindictive person.
Far from it.

But I do think that Roger
and people like him should be

in prison for the good
of society as a whole.

Right.

Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt.

- I'll pop back later.
- Phil, Phil...

I forgot something. You know,
you need a burglar alarm.

What?

Anyway, this looks like the sort
of conversation that's best

conducted in the absence of chaps.

Phil, get in. Get in.

Dugdale's dog died.

Roger's fallen behind on the mortgage.

Is that our problem?

Well, it's almost certainly mine.

OK, well, where is he? I'll kill him.

How will you do that?

In quite a different way to me,
I expect. More... more methodical.

Oh...

How far behind on the
mortgage do you have to get

before they confiscate the property?

Well, it depends on your prospects
and the lender.

I mean, did you borrow the money
from a reputable building society

or the local branch
of the Stoke Poges mafia?

I don't know.

Well, I mean, when they came to the door

were there any signs of coercion?
You know, baseball bats,

hear a lot of shouting, cleavers,
that sort of thing?

- Phil?
- Hm?

Incidentally, that white Audi
out there, is that yours?

Yes.

Well, it's a very nice
car for a bankrupt.

Roger got it cheap.

Did he?

Well, he wouldn't have bothered,
but Edith was so upset

when he sold my old car.
He only bought this to please you.

Dugdale's dog died.

I-I-I mentioned it earlier,
but I don't think you took it in.

Dugdale's dog died? Oh, I'm sorry.
Poor man.

I know, I was trying to console him.

Hello?! What about me?
What am I going to do?

Divorce Roger,
take possession of the house,

mortgage it again or sell it,

find yourself a better job,

flog the Audi and get a scooter.

A scooter?!

How am I supposed to take the twins
to school on a scooter?!

Practice!

[SHE SOBS]

[SHE CRIES]

[DOOR CLOSES]

I'm sorry, it's just that Wendy
doesn't always bring out the...

very best in me.

[POTS CLATTER]

Roger, what are you doing?

Security.

There's been a few
burglaries in the neighbourhood

and the kitchen is the weakest
spot in this house.

Well, Phil's going to fit an alarm.

Yeah, but when?

Tomorrow, I expect.

It might be too late by then.

We might be all murdered in our beds.

If someone broke in to steal something,

they wouldn't want to murder us,
would they?

Not you.

- Not me?
- Me.

- What are you talking about?
- I've got enemies.

Could you just hold this end for me?

Roger, now you're frightening me.
"Enemies"?

Wendy.

Oh, good gracious.
Wendy wouldn't hurt a fly.

Yeah? You haven't seen her diary.

You know, she left it on the kitchen
table, open, on purpose,

- so that I'd read it.
- This isn't going to work. It's crazy.

You won't believe the fate
she has in store for me.

Dozens of pages of it, all in little
tiny, poisonous, spidery writing.

She's just venting her anger.

She was furious with me.
Even from the very beginning,

- before we were married.
- You're making all this up.

See, the thing is, I didn't really
want to go out with her

- and she knew it.
- So why did you?

Well, I was desperately in love with
Rose.

Rose? Her sister?

I was crazy about Rose.

I only pretended to fancy Wendy
so I could be close to Rose.

So why didn't you go out with Rose?

Oh, she was going out with
Martin Norton and I hoped that

that would break down
and I'd be strategically placed.

I hoped that true love would
win out in the end.

So you were stuck with Wendy.

Yeah, tragically.

And even...

And even more tragically,
Wendy got stuck with you.

Roger, I don't want to hear
any more of this.

Any of it. Ever.

And put all this lot back where you
found it. Now!

[DISTANT SMASHING]

[MUFFLED LOUD MUSIC]

[SHE SIGHS]

Bloody Roger.

[RADIO JINGLE]

Oh, yes!

Come on!
[VOLUME INCREASES]

[MUSIC THUMPS]

[HE PLAYS ALONG]
? I can't get no ?

? Satisfaction... ?

What on Earth?

? I can't get no ?

? Satisfaction ?

? Cos I try ?

? And I try ?

? And I try ?

? And I try! ?

? I can't get no ?

? I can't get no ?

? When I'm drivin' in my car ?

? And a man comes on the radio ?

? He's telling me more and more ?

? About some useless information ?

? Supposed to fire my imagination ?

? I can't get no ?

? Oh, no, no, no ?

? Hey, hey, hey ?

? That's what I say ?

? I can't get no... ?

Hi!

? Satisfaction ?

? I can't get no ?

? Satisfaction... ?

[MUSIC STOPS]

Sorry, did I wake you?

Who the hell are you?

Er, Steve.

Would you like a cuppa?

Are you a friend of Roger's?

Roger's? Vincent Rogers?

What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm your,
I'm your local friendly burglar.

"Friendly"?

I'm completely 'armless.

Well, I'm not completely 'armless
cos I do have one arm.

- Oh?
- Yeah - armless, harmless.

I've got to get that joke in before
anybody else does.

I know, it's pathetic, I know.

My son... Both my sons are upstairs.

They'll be down in a moment.
They're calling the police.

- Excellent.
- Excellent?

Yeah, don't worry about it.

I don't understand.

I wouldn't expect you to.
People like you.

- People like me?
- Well, comfortable people. Nice houses.

That's a bit steep, isn't it?

You break into my house and then you
blame me for having one.

[HE LAUGHS]

I like that!

You'll go to prison.

Yeah, they're a bit slow around here.

Who is?

The police. The dawdle squad.
That's what we call them.

Who's "we"?

Me, and my fellow losers.

Losers?

Yeah, that's what I am. A loser.

How nasty.

Well, nobody likes a loser.

I didn't mean that.

I meant the expression.

Loser, you know, winners and losers.

That's not what life should be like.

No, it's not, but it is.

I don't agree with that.

There's more to you than meets the eye.

Was that meant to be a compliment?

Hey... Do I know you?

Do you live around here?

I used to, about 100 years ago.

What... You do look familiar, somehow.

Do you remember the great deposit
box robbery in Knightsbridge?

Hmm?

�34 million never recovered.

No. Were you involved in that?

No.

Oh! Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Eddie Somerton, Mada Avenue, July 1962.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Bob! Bob Angel-Face Whitley!

Yeah, I wish you wouldn't say that.

The handsomest boy in town!

Yeah, don't remind me!

I'd forgotten all about you!

Had you? Had you really?

Well, not completely.

I had wondered from time to time
what you were up to,

but, to be honest,

I've never thought of you with any
great fondness.

I'm not surprised. I was a...

callous, self-centred bastard.

What are you doing in my kitchen?

Oh, I decided to go back inside.

- Back inside? In prison?
- Yeah.

You know, even at this time of year,
it gets cold at night.

What happened to your arm?

Oh, well, car crash. Head-on.

Trans-Siberian Highway.

Oh, how dreadful. I'm sorry.

And you, eh? Nice home.

Nice husband. Nice kids.

Lovely grandchildren?

Well, quite lovely.

I'm happy for you. I really am.

Ah...

- Don't tell me - your husband died.
- Yes.

I'm sorry.

But, Eddie...

this is the hand of fate bringing us
back together again.

You do realise that, don't you?

This was meant.

That's not quite how I see it.

You will. You're in shock just now,
but you will.

We can turn the clock back.

We can get back together again.

Anything is possible.

Are you sure you don't
know my son Roger?

He's big on putting the clocks back.

The one upstairs?

Tell him to call the police back
and say it was a mistake.

I doubt he called them.
He's probably still asleep.

And there's only one son, really.

Eddie...

I always loved you.

I was...

..completely and utterly
obsessed by you.

Besotted.

Until you met someone else.
Someone with money.

- That was a mistake.
- Not fate?

No, bad luck. Very bad luck.

Edith! It's all right, I'm here!

Quick, get behind me! Get behind me!

- Who are you?
- This is my friend Phil.

Oh. Hello, Phil.

Where are the police?

Well, they're very
slow around here, apparently.

- What?
- The dawdle squad.

- Where's Roger?
- Asleep, I should think.

I asked Roger to call the police
when he called me.

Where the hell have you been?!

Upstairs, keeping guard.

Well, did you call the police?

- Yes.
- He's lying. I'm a pro. I know.

I couldn't remember the number.

You couldn't remember the number?!

Now he's telling the truth.

You couldn't remember the nu...
You couldn't remember 999?!

Yeah, well, I can now,
but I couldn't then.

I was stressed. I thought
you were going to ring the police.

No, no, you were going to call the
police!

Mum, are there any biscuits?

[SHE SIGHS]

Who the hell are you, anyway?
What are you doing here?

Oh, this is kismet that I'm here.

You see, Eddie and I were once at item.

Yes, 1962 for six weeks. Or was it five?

Bob Angel-Face Whitley.

I wish you wouldn't say that.

He broke into here
so we'd call the police

and then he'd get put away for
a while out of the cold.

Well, then, I think that we can
oblige him.

Er, no, I've changed my mind.

- No, you haven't.
- Eddie...

How did you lose your arm?

Oh, er, line of duty.

Shellfire.

First Gulf War.

Oh, was it painful?

Yeah, extremely. But I wouldn't
let them give me anaesthetic.

I wanted to...
I wanted to know what was going on.

Cool. Did you kill anyone?

Well, not intentionally.

Did you get a medal?

Perhaps you'd like to continue this
conversation as a prison visitor?

Er, no, no, no jail.

I'm turning over a new leaf
with the help of Eddie.

No, I'm afraid that's not possible.

Who says? The valiant neighbour?

Phil and I are getting married.

- Oh, you mean I'm too late?
- Well, 55 years too late.

Eddie...

Are you making the right choice?

You may have lost your looks, Bob...

And an arm.

..and an arm, but you've
still got the brass neck.

Yeah, and that's all I've got left.

And I'm not very proud of it.

I'll call the police.

All right.

Well, maybe a cup of tea
and a piece of cake, maybe?

Or some smoked salmon?

Plover's eggs?

Chocolate ants?

- Yeah, whatever.
- How did you get that scar?

Duelling.

Wow. Did you win?

Er, yes, I did. Yeah.

What was it about?

To settle a gambling debt.

Cool.

You'd have grasped by now
that my stepson-to-be

is looking for a role model.

I'm interested in people. I'm
interested in the human predicament.

That's why I watch documentaries
about real people, like Gogglebox.

Bob, I'm going to make some tea
and then I'd like you to go.

All right.

Some tea and, er, a cooked
breakfast, if you can manage it,

and then call the police.

We're entirely at your disposal.

Do we really need to call the police?

- I could lend you some money.
- How much?

Roger! You've got other commitments!

Like the mortgage.

Oh, yeah. Uh, yeah, yeah, that.
OK, well, I mean,

I would lend you some if I could.

Oh. Oh, thanks, buddy.

A diamond geezer. Nice to meet you.

Yeah.

Great to meet you, too. Roger.

[CAR SCREECHES OUTSIDE]

What is it?!

- Wendy.
- My wife. - Where?!

She just drove up.

With the handbrake full-on.
Unmistakable.

Roger, did you call Wendy?

Yeah.

What on earth did you call Wendy for?

Well, if anyone could scare
off an intruder, it would be her.

She doesn't need any more stress.

Well, she's always complaining
about being left out of the loop.

What's happened? Is everyone all right?

Yes, everyone's perfectly all right.

- Who's this?
- This is Bob.

Bob Angel-Face Whitley.

He's a trainee burglar
and a professional fraud.

Wendy, Roger should never have
called you.

Oh, I'm glad he did. I'm glad you're
seeing his true nature.

This is typical of him.

You know, whenever there's a news
story about a serial killer, for example,

he sends me out alone, late
at night, to the 24-hour chemist.

- PHIL: And?
- Edith: Phil.

Well, don't you see?
He wants to put me in peril.

Oh, here we go.

I thought someone was
calling the police. Phil?

- PHIL: I can't.
- WENDY: Why not?

- PHIL: Well, he wants us to.
- WENDY: What?

Would you like a sausage?

Oh, yes, please.

Mushrooms?

Er, no. Not so crazy about mushrooms.

If we comply with his wishes,

then aren't we entering
into a conspiracy?

- No.
- Not really.

No, just don't say.
Don't tell them anything.

- Stay shtum.
- Well, look,

why don't we just tell the police
exactly what happened

and leave it to them?

I mean, after all, he did break in,
no matter what his motives.

- How do you like your eggs?
- Er, cooked both sides, please.

Roger, careful.

Roger!

[EDITH YELPS]

- Oh, Roger!
- That's it.

[SHE SIGHS]

I knew it would work.

[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO]

Isn't this the house where all those
geriatric hooligans were

having that rave-up?

With that mad old bat.
What was her name?

The cuppo. Mrs Gale. One to watch.

This is a local hot spot, then.

Looks like it.

Oh, hello. Talk of the devil.

Hey, what... What's going on?
What's happened?

We're just going to find out.

You two stop here. Don't budge.

It's the police!

Who called them?

Don't look at me!

Well, somebody must have called them.

Oh! There's a whole police
squad out there. Armed.

Oh, my God.

I can see why you called me,
Roger, I'd have got here sooner

but I couldn't find me trainers.

Don't say anything. I'll do the talking.

This is delicious.

Like some ketchup?

Yeah, why not? Mm-hm.

I hope that gives you
terminal gastroenteritis.

Huh!

Oh, officer.
I'm the person you're looking for.

I broke into these premises,
intent on theft,

and I was apprehended
by the householder here.

- Not true.
- Absolutely true.

Not true.

Bobby?

Little Bobby Whitley?

Ha-ha, well, I never.

What you been up to this time?

He was always a terrible tearaway,
right from the off.

Ah, true enough.

He lost the other one
larking about with a milk float.

What's he doing here?

Embracing kismet.

Does the owner of the white
Audi registration PF16 NNV

parked on the street at the front of
this house live here?

I don't live here,
but that is my car. Why?

That's a stolen vehicle, madam.

- What?
- Officer...

That man! That man, him!

Him! He gave me that car!

- Officer, I'm a common felon.
- I'll say!

Up to no good.

I didn't steal it. I bought
that car in good faith.

I must ask you both to accompany
me to the police station.

Officer, arrest me! It's your duty!

You don't have to say anything,
but it may harm your defence

if you do not mention, when questioned,

something you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say may be
given in evidence.

- Roger, what have you done?
- Don't say anything. - Roger!

I just told you not to say anything!
It'll harm your defence.

Just, just be quiet for once!

Phil!

Oh they'll be back in a
couple of hours, sadly.

[DOOR CLOSES]
Unbelievable.

What's the country coming to?

I'll see you later, eh?

Oh, you and Bobby.

Oh, you never forget your
first love, do you?

Your mum took a real shine to him.

She was heartbroken when it all came
to an end. Heartbroken.

Broke my heart, too.

Did it?

Well, they were made for each other.

Mrs Gale...

Oh, I'll go, then.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SHE SIGHS]

Oh, like a cup of tea?

Oh, will you not offer me
the full English, dear?

Oh, I can, if you'd like one.

Of course I don't want one.

I just want an ordinary
cup of tea, please.

[SHE STIFLES A LAUGH]

[SHE ERUPTS WITH LAUGHTER]

[HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

Oh, shut up!

I can't stop!

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