All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s03e30 Drums Along the Dusseldorf.eng

( theme song playing )

HOGAN ( whispering ):
Another Gestapo patrol.

What kind of fuel is
that truck carrying, Colonel?

According to
the underground,

it's experimental fuel
for jet aircraft.

If that truck got
through to Berlin,

it could change
the whole course of the war.

Right.

All right,
let's move out.

Colonel, do you think
there's a chance

we might be able
to get the formula for this jet fuel?

No way.

Only one German scientist
knows it.

Well, maybe we could get
ahold of his papers.

He keeps the formula
in his head.

That's what I call
a bit of bad luck, sir.

No, it's good luck.

How's that, sir?

He's riding in the
truck with the fuel.

That's what I said, sir.

That's what I call
a bit of good luck.

More Krauts. Hit the dirt.

( truck approaching )

Newkirk, would you get
your leg off my hip?

You're always
complaining.

I'm not complaining.

That's where I'm carrying
the dynamite.

You could have
told me, Carter!

It's not even fused yet.

I just wanted to see
the look on your face.

I hope you're not
carrying any dynamite in your nose,

because that's where
I'm going to punch you.

All right, let's go.

Take it easy.

Yep.

LeBeau...

Yeah.

This plunger's
the trigger.

Don't release it

till you get it up to
the bottom of the bridge.

Okay.

Watch it.

That's it.

Got it?

Maybe.

Newkirk, watch
the other side.

Yes, sir.

Carter, you sure
this is going to work?

I got it all
figured out, sir.

Hold it.

( footsteps continue
overhead )

Okay.

Here's how
it's going to work.

Now, the vehicle
that's carrying the fuel

is a 1½-ton
truck, right?

Right.

Therefore,
I've set this trigger

so that only a vehicle
of that weight

can set off
the charge.

Right.

Now, then, the truck's
going to come this way

tomorrow between
1:30 and 1:45.

Therefore, I calculate

the exact number
of hours and minutes

between now and then

so that I can set this
precision timer perfectly.

And you've calculated it
to the exact second?

Oh, right.

Good.

Oh, there's
one thing, Colonel.

What?

I forgot my watch.

All right, Newkirk,
in the tunnel.

All right, Kinch,
radio the underground.

Tell them we mined
the bridge.

Right.

Any chance they might
suspect us, Colonel?

When that bridge blows,
we'll be back in camp.

We haven't missed
a roll call yet.

Where's Carter?

He was there
a minute ago.

Leave it to him
to make a mess of things.

Go ahead
in the tunnel.

Where have you been?

I went to
the wrong tree trunk.

Carter,
did you ever feel

that you were in
the wrong line of work?

Well, I once seriously
considered becoming a doctor.

Oh, good choice.

Brain surgeon?

Yeah.

Get in the tunnel.

LeBEAU:
Want some coffee?

NEWKIRK:
Yeah, fill her up.

( all shout "Mail!" to Schultz )

SCHULTZ:
Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Back, back, back,
back, back, back!

Everybody back!

Sit down... and behave,
or you won't get any mail.

Let's go.

They're not
your letters.

Oh, Colonel Hogan!

Thanks, Schultz.

Come on,
Schultzy.

Sergeant Kinchloe.

Is there
one for me?

Thanks.

Corporal LeBeau.

( sniffing )

Mmm! I can tell by the scent

it's from my Paulette
in Bordeaux.

Smells to me like
after-shave lotion.

Where do you expect her
to get perfume?

We're at war, you know.

Got anything for me,
Schultzy?

Uh... Newkirk.

Oh, thanks,
old boy.

There... Hansen.

Saunders.

Sergeant...

"Sergeant Little Deer Who Goes
Swift and Sure Through Forest"?

You're kidding,
Schultz.

That's what it says.

That's me.

You're Little Deer Who Goes
Swift and Sure Through Forest?

That's right.

( thud )

I think he just
broke his hoof.

If I were you,
Little Deer,

I'd stay out of the woods
during the hunting season.

CARTER:
All right, have your little joke.

I didn't know you had
Indian blood, Carter.

Oh, sure, we're from
the Sioux Indians.

My great-grandfather
fought with Sitting Bull.

Oh, you mean, you are real
Indian, like in the movies?

( feigning war cry )

Schultz has got
some Indian blood, too.

He's got
natural rhythm.

Hey, Little Deer,
who's the letter from? Pocahontas?

It happens to be
from my cousin in North Dakota.

What is his name?

Angry Rabbit Who Has Thorn
in Cottontail.

That'd make
anybody angry.

This is wunderbar!

I always wanted to meet
a real, live Indian.

Oh, I can hardly wait
to tell it to my wife.

Oh, by the way, Colonel Hogan,

Commandant Klink wants
to see you in his office.

All right, Schultz.

Good-bye, Chief.

( feigns war cry )

What does your cousin say,
Carter?

( chanting in Sioux )

Oh, I'm glad
he's feeling better.

( knock at door )

Come in, come in, come in.

You wanted to see me,
Colonel Klink?

Yes, Hogan, I want your men
to prepare a barracks

for 12 new
American prisoners.

I don't think
it's in our deal

to provide you
with maid service.

Hogan, these are
your countrymen.

I should think
that you would be delighted

to want to make things
comfortable for them.

Oh, I'll see
that each one of them

has a pipe and slippers
by his bunk then.

Your sarcasm does not
impress me, Hogan.

When are they arriving?

The prisoners are due
to leave Wiesbaden

in a few minutes, and will be
here between 1:00 and 2:00.

We'll have it ready, Commandant.

You did say Wiesbaden,
didn't you?

That's right.

And they'll have to cross

over the Düsseldorf River?

Yes.

By way of the Hammelburg Bridge?

Why are you so interested
from which way they're coming?

I want to make sure
they come by the scenic route.

There's nothing
like a nice drive

down the Düsseldorf
in a staff car.

They happen to be coming
in a truck.

Oh, I have to hand
it to Burkhalter.

He's done it again.

He's done what again?

Oh, it's obvious
this is another one

of Burkhalter's schemes
to get you, Colonel.

May I remind you,

Colonel Hogan, that
General Burkhalter

has only the highest admiration
and respect for me?

And he's handing
these prisoners to me

because he knows that
I'm the finest commandant

of any German prison camp.

And what do you think
his scheme is?

Same old story.

He wants to make you look bad.

He wants to break
your perfect record of no escapes.

But what has this
got to do with it?

12 new prisoners
with the same old

understaffed,
overworked, stir-crazy guards.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

12 new prisoners,
12 more chances of escape.

Burkhalter's
getting better odds every day.

Perhaps I should call him.

Frau Hilda, get me
General Burkhalter

on the phone at once.

I like a man
of action, sir.

I saw through Burkhalter's
scheme all along.

You've got to get
up pretty early in the morning

to fool Colonel Klink.

General Burkhalter, this is
Colonel Klink speaking!

General Burkhalter,
I must insist

that the 12 new
American prisoners

be sent to another stalag
at once!

Please, General Burkhalter,
try to understand--

we are already
overcrowded here.

My guards are understaffed
and overworked.

( whispering ):
Don't forget the stir-crazy bit.

And we're going
stir-crazy, sir.

What's that?

No, sir,
I do not speak Russian.

( laughing )

Yes, sir. Russian.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

It was merely a suggestion,
General Burkhalter.

I assure you,
12 new prisoners

won't be any trouble
at all.

As a matter of fact, sir,

may I suggest that you
send me 40 or 50 more.

I will welcome them
with open arms, sir.

( nervous laughter )

Yes, sir.
Only 12 prisoners.

Yes, sir.

Well, General Burkhalter,

it has been absolutely
wonderful

having this little chat
with you.

Heil, Hitler.

Prepare for
12 new prisoners.

They'll be here
within two hours.

And Hogan... dismissed!

Hilda, what kind of
a truck are the new prisoners coming in?

A German truck. You see,
all the good trucks have been sent...

I know that.
What size?

( sighs )

A 1½-ton truck.

But I shouldn't be
telling you this.

Don't feel bad.

You're not giving comfort
and aid to the enemy.

Thanks, Hilda.

( all feigning war cries )

NEWKIRK:
Come on, Carter,

show us how
to do the dance.

Why don't you two
just knock it off?

But we want you to help us
with the rain dance.

If it rains, we won't
have to go outside

and do those
ruddy exercises.

We Sioux aren't too much
on rain dances.

Massacres are more our style.

And if you two fellows will wait

until I get through carving
this little bow and arrow,

I'll be happy to give you
a little demonstration.

That's not very nice.

Oh, come on, Carter,
be a sweet Sioux.

( others laugh )

All right, fellows,
gather round.

Something the
matter, Colonel?

Don't tell me
old Klink's on the warpath.

Nothing
personal, Carter.

I just found out a group
of American prisoners

is crossing
the Hammelburg Bridge in a truck

between 1:30 and 1:45.

Hey, if they cross
that bridge before that fuel truck,

they're going to be
blown sky-high.

Exactly.

One of us had better
get out there

and demine that bridge.

Yeah, and since this is
broad daylight,

this is a job that calls
for the little old lady.

Do, uh...

...you think you're up to
the job, Frau Newkirkburger?

( feeble, high voice ):
I'll not only demine the bridge,

but I may stay around

and try and find a rich
old widower meself.

What are you doing,
old woman?

Excuse me, Sergeant.

I wonder if you could
give an old lady a ride.

Are you out
of your mind?

This vehicle is
for military use only.

I was a nurse
in the last war.

Old lady, please...

I was the personal nurse
of Kaiser Wilhelm.

Old lady, I cannot...

Oh, the Kaiser...

It was more than just
a nurse-patient relationship.

When we were alone,

I used to
call him Willie,

and he used to
call me Bubbie.

My dear frau, I must deliver
this truckload of prisoners.

It would only take
you a few minutes

to give an
old lady a ride

to her granddaughter.

( grunts )

Oh, Stalin should have
my rheumatism today.

I cannot be concerned
with your rheumatism!

I understand,
Sergeant,

but it seems a shame you
won't meet my granddaughter,

the out-of-work
fan dancer.

Your granddaughter
is a fan dancer?

Oh, she's so beautiful,
and so lonely.

Now that all of
you handsome men

are off in the army,

she just sits alone
in her apartment,

with just her two fans.

( truck approaching )

Of course, uh, if your
rheumatism is so bad,

and, uh, well,
the Kaiser's nurse,

perhaps, uh... perhaps
we could take you

to your granddaughter.

What were you saying,
Sergeant?

I said perhaps we could take you
in the truck after all.

( explosion )

( shouts )

Oh, you can forget
your ride, Sergeant.

Your military trucks
are too dangerous.

NEWKIRK:
Hey, you ought to have seen the look on that Kraut's face

when the bridge and the truck
exploded with all that jet fuel.

Blimey! It was something.

And his eyes...
his eyes got as big as...

well, almost as big as when
I told him about the fan dancer.

Hey, Newkirk,
that was an inspiration.

I could have never
thought of that.

Well, it comes easy
to me, chumps.

Haven't you've ever noticed

the occasional feather
dropping out me envelopes?

Mission
accomplished.

Hey, let's celebrate.

I will open a bottle
of vintage wine.

It's almost
four hours old.

Marvelous.

Take the glasses, huh?

Yeah.

There's something
I got to tell you.

I'm standing
there, right,

the truck
goes up-- boom!

Dirt all over
the place.

You never...

( speaking in German )

Colonel Hogan, guards
have been posted

around the barracks,
and you and your men

are restricted
to the quarters.

Oh, just a minute, Schultz.

Those are
my orders,

and anybody seen
outside...

ALL:
Will be shot.

What is it this
time, Schultz?

I know nothing.

I know
what it is.

We all know
what it is.

Who said
sabotage?

I did.

Why is it we can never
keep a secret from you?!

Because the other guards

are not as close-mouthed
as you, Schultz.

All right,
but nobody leaves

until further notice.

Verstanden?

OTHERS:
Verstanden.

So anyway,
everything's flying...

Carter...

could you
do me a favor?

When you write home,

ask them for
the little hat

with the feather
on top.

And if he can't
get one,

Newkirk's girlfriend
will send you one.

Fine, Schultzy.

Thank you.

( feigns war cry )

Hey, Colonel, I finished
my bow and arrow.

You want me to show you
how to use it?

HOGAN:
Not now, Carter.

CARTER:
It'll just take a minute.

Colonel, the underground
just contacted us.

They're going to send champagne?

Nope.

Oh, that's great.

I go out and
risk my life,

and that's the way
they show their appreciation.

They do appreciate you
risking your life, Newkirk,

but the jet fuel
wasn't in the truck we blew up.

Are you serious?

Yep.

What was the truck carrying?

Our Red Cross
packages.

But where's the truck
with the jet fuel?

It's been rerouted.

What's the new route?

It's due to pass right
by this camp tonight

between 9:00 and 9:15.

And they still want us
to knock it off.

They've got Krauts crawling
all over the place.

They're even at the opening
of the tunnel.

How can we
do anything?

They didn't say how;
they said do.

NEWKIRK:
Don't worry, sir.

We'll think
of something.

Yeah, well, if somebody
comes up with a brainstorm,

I'll be in my office.

LeBeau, put away
the wine, please.

Let it age
a few more hours. Right.

Do they really think
that jet fuel is so important?

They said it could
be the difference

between winning
and losing.

CARTER:
It just isn't fair.

Why is it always one of us
that has to do the dirty work?

Are you all right, Colonel?

Carter, I had nothing
to do with the sale of Manhattan Island.

The 24 bucks was
Peter Stuyvesant's idea.

I'm sorry, sir.

I was testing the bowstring,
and it must have slipped.

Carter, put
that thing away.

You're a ruddy menace.

Oh, leave him alone.

Better a bow and arrow
than a tomahawk.

CARTER:
I'm glad it didn't fly through the window.

These things aren't
easy to make.

HOGAN:
Hold it a minute, fellows.

Carter, is that the best you
can do with your native weapon?

Oh, no, sir,
I won a lot of trophies

with this thing
back home.

It's like riding
a bicycle:

Once you learn,
you never forget.

Kinch?

Yeah.

Come with me.

How far would you say
it is from this window

to the road just
outside of the camp?

KINCH:
Well, I can throw a football about 50 yards,

and I once threw a pass

from just outside
the barracks here to Carter,

who was standing just
inside the barbed wire.

And he
dropped it.

We could say it's
about 60 yards, huh?

I'd say that's about it.

I think we
could also say

that it's within range
of Carter's arrow.

My arrow?

Your flaming arrow.

What have you got
in mind, Colonel?

Carter's people burned up
a lot of covered wagons.

Just think what
a flaming arrow could do

to a truck
carrying jet fuel.

That's
a smashing idea.

And to think
we owe it all to Little Deer.

Who Goes
Swift and Sure Through Forest.

Hang on-- German military
vehicles have governors,

and they never travel at
more than 35 miles an hour.

Now, the truck will be coming
down the road from the north,

and the wind is from the south.

That means the arrow
should be aimed

about 15 yards in front
of the moving vehicle.

Now, figuring
the area of canvas

on a 1½-ton truck,
that should give Carter

about a seven- to ten-foot
margin for error.

And I'd say he'd need
every foot of it.

Well, we're not going
to take any chances.

Newkirk, take Little Deer
down in the tunnel

and practice
till show time.

Right, sir,

the moment I check out
my G.I. insurance.

We didn't need Newkirk
at the Little Bighorn, sir.

This is
the first time

I've made
arrow flambé.

Better write down
the recipe.

We may use it again.

How's Little Deer doing
with the bow and arrow?

Just don't lend him
your bicycle.

No sweat.

Roll call!

All right, look,
everybody outside

except Newkirk and Carter--
come with me!

KINCH:
Schultz will know you're missing.

Create a confusion.

We'll be out in a minute.
Right.

All right, Carter,
any second.

Get it ready.

You got a match, Newkirk?

Oh, some Indian
you are.

Remember, lead the truck
by about 15 yards.

Why do we need
a roll call

at this time of
the night, Schultzy?

Colonel Klink ordered it.

It is not up to you, LeBeau!

Let's leave it up
to the others, then.

All of those in favor
of roll call, raise your hand!

All of those opposed
to roll call...

( cheering )

Hey! Hold...

Hold it!

I will not stand
for any insubordination!

Good word.

Thank you.

Would you
just get back?

Where is Colonel Hogan?

And where is Newkirk?

And where is Little Deer

That Goes Swift and Sure
Through Forest?

I guess they
were asleep.

SCHULTZ:
Colonel Hogan!

Everybody out for roll call!

( engine humming )

All right, Carter,
let it fly.

No wonder you lost
the West.

Beautiful, Newkirk.

You've got Indian blood
in you, too.

Well, actually, sir,
descended from Robin Hood.

If you like,
for an encore,

I'll go out and rob
some rich people.

Forget it, the truck
should be passing

the front gate
in about a minute.

Are all the men
assembled, Schultz?

SCHULTZ:
We are waiting

for Colonel Hogan,
Herr Kommandant.

You're not waiting
for me, Schultz.

Prisoners, your
stupid underground

has attempted to
stop the shipment

of a vital
war material.

At this very moment

a truck with
experimental jet fuel,

and one of Germany's
most brilliant scientists,

is passing by this very camp

on its way
to Berlin

with ultimate victory
for our glorious fatherland.

( explosion )

You were saying,
Colonel?

I can't believe it.

You know, you'd think
a brilliant scientist

would be smart enough
to put up a "no smoking" sign.

( whispers ):
Hi, Schultz.

Colonel Hogan,

Commandant Klink is
very angry at you.

He'll get over it,
Schultz.

I got a gift for you
from Carter.

Yeah?

He's made you

an honorary chief
of the Sioux tribe.

Ooh!

It's beautiful.

Ooh!

Uh-huh.

He's also given you
a new name, Schultz.

What? What? What?
What? What?

You are now
Big Chief Running Bear

Who Goes Swift and Sure
to Beer Garden.

Or you could be
Big Fat Schultz

Who Goes Swift and Sure
to Russian Front.

Colonel Hogan,
you and your men

are restricted
to barracks,

and all privileges
are canceled.

Why?!

Because the lights
were still on at 10:30.

It's not every night, sir,

we get a chance
to see a German truck barbecued.

I can assure
you, Hogan,

we will find
those saboteurs.

Dismissed.

He took my feather.

I'd say
we scalp him,

but somebody
beat us to it.

( door opens )

HOGAN:
Colonel, I think the...

Sorry, Chief.

Out!

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