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1
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:17,726
( theme song playing )
2
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,973
It is an important and
highly secret meeting.
3
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:57,808
I understand,
General Burkhalter.
4
00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,184
I doubt it.
5
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,146
Staff officers,
generals, admirals
6
00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:07,150
from every branch of the forces
will attend this meeting.
7
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,068
Strategy meeting?
8
00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,152
What for?
9
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:10,570
They've been
doing okay.
10
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,115
Generals have to keep busy
while everyone else is fighting.
11
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,492
Hammelburg has been chosen
12
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,495
because of its proximity
to Stalag 13.
13
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,998
Very good planning,
General Burkhalter.
14
00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,709
Klink, shut up and listen.
15
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,877
Yes, sir.
Shut up and listen.
16
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,838
The conference
will begin on the 15th.
17
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:30,340
The night before, on the 14th,
18
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,884
you will arrange
a dinner party-- a banquet--
19
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:37,014
just to start things off on
a friendly basis with, uh,
20
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,516
plenty of Gemutlichkeit.
21
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:41,351
( chuckles ):
Exactly as I would have done it.
22
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,352
Really?
23
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:44,521
We'll go ahead with it anyway.
24
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,148
I shall make
all the arrangements--
25
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,276
the banquet, security,
everything.
26
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,403
I will be at Berchtesgaden,
27
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:55,198
so the entire affair
is your responsibility.
28
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,867
I need the cooperation
of everyone
29
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,201
connected with this conference.
30
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,911
We'll cooperate, won't we?
31
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,955
( all talking at once )
32
00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:04,040
I knew I could count on you.
33
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,043
Here are the names
of the officers
34
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,713
who will attend this meeting.
35
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,882
For your eyes only.
36
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,216
Yes, sir.
37
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,385
Memorize it and destroy it.
38
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:19,097
The finest military minds
in all of the Third Reich.
39
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,891
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
40
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:23,685
General Kordle...
41
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,604
Very impressive list.
42
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,898
( chuckles )
43
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:30,066
It doesn't have the name
"Colonel Klink" in there.
44
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,110
Probably an oversight
at headquarters.
45
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,906
I consider it
the perfect oversight.
46
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:40,243
( laughs )
47
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,037
Kinch, I'll need
a camera right away. Right.
48
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,581
I also need five minutes
in Klink's office, alone.
49
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:45,999
Oh, sure.
50
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,918
Come on, fellas,
just follow my lead.
51
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,920
We got to stall them
a little bit.
52
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,505
What do you
want us to do?
53
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,632
Pick up some dusters and rags.
Let's go.
54
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,470
HOGAN:
Colonel. Colonel.
55
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,222
May I talk
to you a moment?
56
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,389
Not now, Hogan.
Can't you see
57
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,390
I'm busy with
the general?
58
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,475
Sorry, sir.
It's personal.
59
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,143
Wait for me in my office.
Thank you, sir.
60
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,853
All right,
make it shine.
61
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,605
SCHULTZ:
What's the matter with you?!
62
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:09,689
Are you crazy?
63
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,566
Just a moment!
64
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:12,776
What is the meaning of this?
65
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:13,985
It's pride, sir.
66
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,195
You can't expect
the general
67
00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:16,863
to return to Berlin
from Stalag 13
68
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:17,948
with a dirty car.
69
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,199
Get them out
of here.
70
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,200
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
71
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,535
No, no.
Let them finish.
72
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,620
Small matter.
73
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,747
Yes, sir. Proceed.
74
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,666
Sir, I must apologize,
75
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:30,126
but sometimes they act
like little children.
76
00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:31,711
Right, but we've
got the most
77
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:33,880
wonderful daddy in
the whole world.
78
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,067
KLINK:
I have no idea where it is.
79
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:55,318
It's probably
somewhere in the files.
80
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,319
Please look for it.
81
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,195
This is absolutely
ridiculous.
82
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,655
You've got to be
able to find it.
83
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,617
So, Hogan, you were
very anxious to see me.
84
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,244
Something personal,
you said.
85
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:05,912
Yes, sir. The entertainment
committee is planning
86
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,330
another show
in a few weeks,
87
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,332
and they'd like you to be
master of ceremonies.
88
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:10,959
Perhaps do a violin solo?
89
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,673
What's so personal
about that?
90
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:17,966
I didn't want
to say anything
91
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,092
in front of
General Burkhalter.
92
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,135
He might resent
your talent.
93
00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:21,678
That was very wise.
94
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,014
General Burkhalter
plays the mandolin.
95
00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:25,432
And badly.
96
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,017
Then I can give the
entertainment committee
97
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,018
the green light, sir?
98
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,061
No, Hogan, you cannot.
99
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,772
Last year, my name was in
the same size and type
100
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,190
as Sergeant Schultz.
101
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,067
And all he can do
is make animal noises.
102
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,527
Yeah, well, look.
103
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,487
We'll put your solo
in the top spot,
104
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,613
right next to closing,
105
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,240
and I guarantee
star billing.
106
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,200
I'll think about it.
107
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:47,203
You do that, sir.
And take your time.
108
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,205
Hello. Look at this.
109
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:52,876
General Kordle, Wehrmacht...
110
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,753
Beckman, SS...
111
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:58,798
Wilhelm, Panzer...
112
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,425
Admiral Donner...
113
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,218
CARTER:
Real brass.
114
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,220
Top men
in the monster division.
115
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:07,056
Kinch should have gotten
all that information
116
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,558
off to London by now.
117
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,561
Carter,
watch the door.
118
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,355
LeBEAU:
Want some food?
119
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,190
No, just coffee.
120
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:16,566
Okay.
121
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,067
London had some
information on the meeting,
122
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,569
but didn't know
the location.
123
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,866
It's a logistic
and supply briefing
124
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,785
for an all-out offensive.
125
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:30,246
They want the Kraut generals
knocked off.
126
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:31,623
By who?
127
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:32,749
By us.
128
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:33,917
LeBEAU:
They must be kidding.
129
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,210
Come on, Colonel.
130
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:37,295
NEWKIRK:
Colonel, look, we've blown up bridges,
131
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,882
railway stations,
munitions plants.
132
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:43,092
I mean, we've done
a lot of dodgy things
133
00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:44,427
and gotten clean away.
134
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,930
But, sir, knocking off
those Kraut generals?
135
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,389
No, sir.
Too much bloody risk.
136
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,016
LeBEAU:
That's absolute suicide.
137
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,519
KINCH:
Yeah, how come London can't do it from the air?
138
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,937
CARTER:
Yeah, that's a good idea.
139
00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,271
What about that,
Colonel?
140
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,815
NEWKIRK:
Colonel, I surveyed the men in the ranks,
141
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,777
and the men are overwhelmingly
in favor of bombing.
142
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,445
From London.
143
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:03,905
The minute that meeting starts,
144
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,115
every flack battery
in Messerschmitt squadron
145
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:08,868
from here to the Channel
will be on a ten-second alert.
146
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,497
20% of an attacking force
might get through,
147
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,165
and that's a big maybe.
148
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,125
Yeah, well, our percentage
might not be that good.
149
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,168
That's right.
150
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,711
But, if we can
stop that offensive,
151
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,255
we might save a lot of lives.
152
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,966
Now, anyone who wants to
can sit this one out.
153
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:25,468
Volunteers only.
154
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:34,811
Kinch?
155
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,314
Okay, I'm in.
156
00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:40,066
LeBeau?
157
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,484
( sighs )
158
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,027
Oui, d'accord, I'll go along.
159
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,405
It's been nice
knowing all of you.
160
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:47,865
Newkirk?
161
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,159
I'm still thinking about it.
162
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,371
Carter?
163
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,915
Oh, I got nothing
else to do.
164
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,168
I finished my woodworking
class in Barracks Five.
165
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,337
I made a very
pretty salad bowl.
166
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,172
Carter.
167
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:11,180
Well, there's no law against
being a coward, is there?
168
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,812
I'm with you, sir.
169
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,731
That's the best kind.
Let's go.
170
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,774
You were just kidding,
weren't you?
171
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,448
All right, it's got
to be an inside job,
172
00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:30,158
and the best time
is that first night
173
00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:31,701
when they're all
together for the banquet.
174
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,119
We poison
their Wiener Schnitzel.
175
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,912
We got to come on
stronger than that.
176
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,081
We need access to the banquet
room at the hotel.
177
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,791
KINCH:
Fine, but how?
178
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:41,878
We need a man who's experienced
in catering and food.
179
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,380
And speaks German fluently.
180
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,716
We'll need him in 48 hours.
181
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,761
Have to arrange a drop point,
signals, the works.
182
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:51,304
KINCH:
Right.
183
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:54,182
Carter, I want you
to start thinking.
184
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:56,559
Well, we're dead
before we start.
185
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,311
We need a couple
of bombs, maybe more.
186
00:07:58,352 --> 00:07:59,479
They've got to be disguised
187
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,481
so they look natural
in a banquet room.
188
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:03,149
And they'll need timers.
189
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,817
Think you can swing it?
190
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,736
Boy, that's a tough
one, Colonel.
191
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:10,573
A man who can make a salad bowl?
Please.
192
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,136
Captain Jacques Mornay,
Colonel Hogan.
193
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:33,429
Hi.
194
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,934
Basic Frenchman's
very emotional.
195
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,019
You've, uh, met
the rest of the fellas?
196
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,020
Yes.
All right, good.
197
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:41,437
How are you?
198
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,064
Do the Germans,
199
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:44,857
especially the Gestapo,
have a file on you?
200
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,442
I don't think so, Colonel.
201
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,528
When a man is in
the Free French,
202
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:50,071
usually they try
to get at him
203
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,364
through his family.
204
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:52,949
They have left mine alone.
205
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:54,367
That's very good,
because tomorrow you're
206
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,618
coming into Stalag 13
207
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,245
as a collaborator
working for the Gestapo.
208
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,788
Kinch, what's the setup
with the underground?
209
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,665
We've got a car,
a driver
210
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,166
and a uniform--
Gestapo.
211
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,335
The plan is to meet
the sergeant here
212
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,837
in two
and a half hours.
213
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:06,963
They'll hide him
overnight,
214
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,965
and then bring him into
camp tomorrow morning.
215
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,383
All right.
216
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,635
Now, Mornay, your mission here
is to prepare a banquet
217
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:14,303
for a meeting of Kraut generals.
218
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:15,513
It's on the 14th.
219
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,473
Newkirk.
Yes, sir.
220
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,308
Because you're a collaborator,
221
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,143
here's your
identity card
222
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,229
countersigned
by the Gestapo.
223
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,480
Oh, it's perfect.
224
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,815
I have seen them.
225
00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,775
All right. Here
are your instructions
226
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:30,653
and your authorization
to work on the banquet.
227
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,697
Here's a list
of the generals
228
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:33,739
who will be there.
229
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,324
Memorize it.
It might come in handy.
230
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:36,909
Mm-hmm.
231
00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:39,787
This is the most efficient
organization I've ever seen.
232
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,038
Thank you very much, sir.
233
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,832
If all the armies
were like this,
234
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,333
the war would soon
be over.
235
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:46,127
Yeah, it'd be great
for the world,
236
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:48,087
but we'd be out
of a swell job.
237
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,841
I figure about four
or five of these
238
00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:53,342
will probably
be enough.
239
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,052
And you can set them
right there on the table
240
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,929
with the other
decorations and the flower and stuff,
241
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:58,139
because I'm going
to build a box
242
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,181
right over
all these things.
243
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,683
And it's going to be
a flag stand, see?
244
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:01,851
That's great.
245
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,060
Each explosive
pack is going
246
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,395
to have a timer
just like this.
247
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,022
And you can adjust
it from the bottom
248
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:07,189
'cause I'm
going to fix it
249
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,190
so it hinges
on the box.
250
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,358
That's good. Good.
251
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,028
And, well, get this,
boy-- I mean Colonel.
252
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,363
You can set this
timer for 12 hours.
253
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:15,531
Maybe even 13.
254
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,283
Carter,
you're a genius.
255
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,368
Well, I wouldn't
go that far.
256
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:20,536
No, I really mean it.
257
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,371
You're a genius.
258
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,583
Maybe
I'd go that far.
259
00:10:25,624 --> 00:10:26,959
( phone rings )
260
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:30,046
General Burkhalter.
Heil Hitler. Klink here.
261
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:31,172
Klink, sir. Yes.
262
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:33,466
I have a man here
263
00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:35,259
who was sent to me
by the Gestapo.
264
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,719
His name is
Jacques Mornay.
265
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,429
His identity card
is countersigned
266
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,805
by Gestapo section nine.
267
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:42,141
He has orders to assist
with the dinner party,
268
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:46,103
and he knows the names
of the guests.
269
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,272
Now, I consider that an insult,
270
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,775
sending a man here
to spy on us, and I...
271
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:56,238
Yes, sir. Cooperate
with the Gestapo,
272
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,823
and keep my big mouth shut.
273
00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,158
Yes, sir. Heil Hitler.
274
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,576
Sergeant Schultz,
275
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,078
see to it that
Monsieur Mornay
276
00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:03,245
has adequate quarters
277
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:04,914
and all the assistance
he needs.
278
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,082
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
279
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:07,249
It will be done.
280
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:08,501
Merci beaucoup,
Colonel.
281
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:09,502
( knocking on door )
282
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:10,753
Excuse me, Commandant.
283
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,254
May I have a word with you?
284
00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:14,882
Hogan, why is it,
every time I am busy,
285
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,759
you manage
to show up?
286
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,385
I don't know.
Just lucky, I guess.
287
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,429
Our business
is finished
288
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,431
for the moment,
Colonel.
289
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,225
Or... one
more thing.
290
00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:27,937
I would require
the services of a good chef.
291
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:31,315
Yes! I was going to suggest
Corporal Hinkelman.
292
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,692
He cooks for the officers' mess.
293
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,653
Hinkelman
is wonderful!
294
00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:38,114
He makes the best
pigs' feet.
295
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:39,949
He chops them up,
296
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,118
and then he puts a
little paprika on, a little salt,
297
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:45,037
and a little bit
of bay leaf,
298
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,331
and then he sautés it...
299
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,792
And it still tastes
like pigs' feet.
300
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,794
What we need
is a very good chef.
301
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,046
Now, the problem
is where to find one.
302
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,173
Let me think.
303
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,508
I don't care what you say,
304
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,676
I'm not going to do it.
305
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,386
You won't?
No. And that's final!
306
00:12:00,427 --> 00:12:01,637
What are you two mumbling about?
307
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,305
Oh, he wants me to
ask Corporal LeBeau
308
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,306
to cook for you.
I do?
309
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:05,391
If you think he's going
310
00:12:05,432 --> 00:12:07,309
to slave over a hot
stove for the enemy...
311
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:10,187
That's enough, Hogan.
312
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:13,274
Um... your
entertainment committee
313
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:16,110
wants me to be the master
of ceremonies for their show?
314
00:12:16,151 --> 00:12:17,862
And do a violin
solo, sir.
315
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:22,366
I will consent
if your man LeBeau
316
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,409
will work with
Monsieur Mornay.
317
00:12:23,450 --> 00:12:25,160
It's hard to refuse.
318
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,204
KLINK:
And, if he agrees,
319
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,414
I must have your word
320
00:12:28,455 --> 00:12:30,583
there will be no attempt
at an escape.
321
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,001
Oh... I'll do it.
322
00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:33,919
I'll go talk to LeBeau.
323
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:36,338
I think I can
talk him into it.
324
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,007
He loves violin solos.
325
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:39,883
You see?
326
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,885
When one knows how,
327
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:46,223
there's always a way
to solve these little problems.
328
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,022
Bonjour, Colonel.
329
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:54,356
Right on time, Mornay.
330
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:55,774
Have some coffee?
Merci.
331
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:56,775
What's the story?
332
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,485
Well, I was taken
to the hotel
333
00:12:58,527 --> 00:12:59,778
by your
Colonel Klink.
334
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:02,698
He showed me
the banquet room and the kitchen.
335
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,533
I have made
a rough sketch.
336
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,243
And the menu
for the dinner.
337
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,453
Good.
338
00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:08,871
All set, Colonel.
339
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,206
Newkirk, watch the door, huh?
340
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:12,541
I got five of them.
341
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:21,884
Table decorations--
the kind that explode.
342
00:13:21,925 --> 00:13:23,594
Oh, magnifique.
343
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,513
Carter showed
me how to set the timers, Colonel.
344
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:29,058
Tomorrow, LeBeau and I will go
to the hotel
345
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,476
at 9:00 in the morning.
346
00:13:30,517 --> 00:13:31,894
First, we set the table,
347
00:13:31,935 --> 00:13:33,645
then we go to the kitchen
and prepare the dinner.
348
00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:34,688
Mm-hmm.
349
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,482
The timers will work
for 12 hours,
350
00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:38,859
so LeBeau can set 'em
whenever he wants to.
351
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,570
Let's have a look
at the floor plans again, huh?
352
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,116
Uh! It's kind
of sensitive stuff.
353
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:48,077
Sorry.
354
00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:49,244
May I show you the layouts,
Colonel?
355
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:50,245
Go ahead.
356
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,915
The hall outside
the banquet room.
357
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:57,544
And the room itself
with a long table, the bar,
358
00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:00,506
and on this side
is a dumbwaiter leading
359
00:14:00,547 --> 00:14:02,424
to the kitchen
on the floor below.
360
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:04,093
All the food has
to come up the dumbwaiter?
361
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,136
Oui. And served from here.
362
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,262
( door opens )
363
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,847
Kraut's coming.
Watch it.
364
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:10,599
Scatter.
365
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,394
SCHULTZ:
Achtung!
366
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:14,895
At ease.
367
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,189
Oh, what a pleasant surprise--
our commandant.
368
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:20,901
Monsieur Mornay,
you were seen leaving your quarters.
369
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,611
Just a few details
in the menu.
370
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,989
The barracks are off limits
to all civilians.
371
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,449
Now, you finish
your business here
372
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:28,867
and then return
to your room.
373
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,202
Oui, at once.
374
00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:37,793
Flags for the banquet
table, Colonel.
375
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,629
I brought them
with me from Berlin.
376
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:41,672
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
377
00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:46,677
Seems quite heavy.
378
00:14:46,718 --> 00:14:47,845
We made it that way.
379
00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:50,472
We, we don't want them
to tip over into the salad.
380
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:52,808
Yeah, you wouldn't want
mayonnaise on your swastika.
381
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:54,601
Mayonnaise?
382
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:57,813
Herr Kommandant, there is
no mayonnaise on the menu.
383
00:14:57,813 --> 00:14:59,940
Silence!
Oh, shut up.
384
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,692
Dismissed.
385
00:15:10,325 --> 00:15:13,161
This room will be sealed off
until 7:30 tonight.
386
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,663
Double all security orders.
387
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,331
The guests will
arrive at 7:30.
388
00:15:16,331 --> 00:15:18,834
Cocktails first.
Banquet starts at 8:30.
389
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,752
You will remain
in the kitchen until that time.
390
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:21,837
Oui, Colonel.
391
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,088
I received a call from Berlin.
392
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,590
There is an additional
guest coming--
393
00:15:24,631 --> 00:15:27,301
a General Felix Mercer.
That's all.
394
00:15:27,342 --> 00:15:30,345
We need a few more
pots and pans in the kitchen.
395
00:15:30,345 --> 00:15:32,681
Oh, yes.
I almost forgot.
396
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,391
Uh, Colonel, please,
397
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,435
may I go back
to the camp
398
00:15:36,476 --> 00:15:38,228
for more pots
and pans?
399
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:39,771
You arrange it, Schultz.
400
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:41,857
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
401
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:45,027
Now, back to camp!
March! One, two, three, four...
402
00:15:45,068 --> 00:15:47,696
"Felix Mercer,
top allied agent.
403
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:50,532
Reports to British
Intelligence."
404
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,117
According to this,
405
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:54,912
he's a VIP
in the spy department.
406
00:15:54,953 --> 00:15:57,164
More good news, Colonel.
407
00:15:57,205 --> 00:16:01,209
"Urgent, repeat, urgent.
No harm to Mercer.
408
00:16:01,209 --> 00:16:06,381
Protect at all cost.
Cancel plan."
409
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,552
We got a peck of trouble.
410
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,012
We could stop the timers
411
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,556
when Klink lets us back
into the banquet room.
412
00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:17,142
We can't take the chance.
413
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,727
Look, tell Klink
you need more help
414
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,395
in the kitchen; more waiters.
415
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:22,272
I'll go back to the hotel
with you.
416
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,399
We'll take Carter,
the munitions king.
417
00:16:24,399 --> 00:16:26,568
Yes, he could disarm the bombs.
418
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,403
If we get the chance.
419
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,913
There's the hall
and the door.
420
00:16:41,541 --> 00:16:42,709
Dumbwaiter.
421
00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:51,718
Carter, get in there.
422
00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:59,976
Good.
423
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,353
Get your feet in.
424
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:02,396
I can't!
425
00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:04,940
That's as far
as I can go!
426
00:17:04,981 --> 00:17:06,483
Get out.
427
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:07,526
LeBeau?
428
00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:08,485
Sorry, Colonel.
429
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:09,778
Yeah?
430
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:10,946
Can you stop
those timers?
431
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:11,947
I think so, Colonel.
432
00:17:11,988 --> 00:17:13,281
Try.
Okay.
433
00:17:18,286 --> 00:17:19,037
Okay?
434
00:17:19,287 --> 00:17:20,288
Yeah.
Go.
435
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,541
Good luck.
Have a nice trip.
436
00:17:22,582 --> 00:17:23,750
Thank you.
437
00:17:28,046 --> 00:17:31,049
Bonjour.
Just testing.
438
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,801
Don't play the jack.
439
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:33,718
He's saving them.
440
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:53,989
I am so very happy
you could join us, General Mercer.
441
00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:54,990
And so am I.
442
00:17:55,031 --> 00:17:56,158
Thank you.
443
00:17:56,199 --> 00:17:58,160
I don't think
I heard your name correctly.
444
00:17:58,201 --> 00:18:00,537
Klink, sir.
Colonel Wilhelm Klink.
445
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:01,997
In charge
of security.
446
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:03,498
A cohost.
447
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,292
You might say.
I would not.
448
00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:07,711
No. Oh, General,
your glass is empty.
449
00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:09,629
Mornay, another drink
for the General, please.
450
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,550
Ah.
Your drink, sir.
451
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,510
Merci, bien.
452
00:18:15,510 --> 00:18:17,012
Oh, the General
speaks French.
453
00:18:17,053 --> 00:18:22,434
( speaks French )
454
00:18:22,475 --> 00:18:24,019
Oui, General.
455
00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:25,395
( speaks French )
456
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:39,451
In exactly 17 minutes, that
room takes off for the moon.
457
00:18:39,492 --> 00:18:40,785
Pull those bombs
out of there.
458
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:41,870
Use any excuse.
459
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,205
Colonel, Mercer
speaks French.
460
00:18:44,247 --> 00:18:46,041
I can get him alone,
explain what we are doing...
461
00:18:46,082 --> 00:18:48,793
By now, he's been
told you're a Gestapo collaborator.
462
00:18:48,835 --> 00:18:49,920
Would he believe you?
463
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:53,214
All right,
I'll do what I can.
464
00:18:53,256 --> 00:18:54,925
Wait a minute. Hold it.
465
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:58,053
You say Mercer
speaks French?
466
00:18:58,386 --> 00:18:59,387
Yes.
467
00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,723
That may be it.
468
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,558
Go back in and tell Klink
to start the dinner.
469
00:19:03,558 --> 00:19:04,851
The food's ready--
anything.
470
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:07,729
Get them seated and then
come back out here fast.
471
00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:09,397
All right, sir.
472
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:14,402
( laughter and conversation )
473
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:25,914
Gentlemen, your
attention, please.
474
00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:29,084
I have just been informed
that dinner is served.
475
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:31,336
Will you take
your places, please?
476
00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:32,754
Thank you.
477
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:34,798
KLINK:
Please follow me, General Mercer.
478
00:19:41,846 --> 00:19:44,224
I want you to start
an argument real loud in French.
479
00:19:44,265 --> 00:19:45,892
Now, keep it going.
480
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,894
Don't let anybody stop
you but Mercer. Go.
481
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,604
Right.
482
00:19:49,604 --> 00:19:51,189
( yelling in French )
483
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:02,534
Each of you will receive
a complete set of flags
484
00:20:02,575 --> 00:20:05,286
( argument continues outside )
indicating supply depots...
485
00:20:05,286 --> 00:20:07,789
and the routes
the convoys will use
486
00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:09,541
to the various forces.
487
00:20:09,582 --> 00:20:12,168
( loud argument continues )
488
00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:18,341
These plans are not
to leave this room.
489
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:21,636
I repeat,
are not to leave this room.
490
00:20:21,719 --> 00:20:22,720
I know. I know.
491
00:20:22,762 --> 00:20:23,763
I'll handle it, sir.
492
00:20:27,475 --> 00:20:29,185
What is going on here?!
493
00:20:29,227 --> 00:20:30,353
Stop that noise at once!
494
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,021
I'm trying to, sir!
495
00:20:32,063 --> 00:20:33,314
Schultz, break it up!
496
00:20:33,356 --> 00:20:37,318
You break it up,
you won't have a banquet!
497
00:20:37,318 --> 00:20:39,154
What's going on?!
They can't hear me in there!
498
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,822
They're having
a fight in French!
499
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:42,157
Klink, arrest this man!
500
00:20:42,198 --> 00:20:43,992
If I do,
there'll be no banquet.
501
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,952
Can anyone speak to them
in their own language?
502
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:46,870
That's a good idea.
503
00:20:46,911 --> 00:20:47,996
Break it up!
504
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,456
Can anyone speak French?
505
00:20:49,497 --> 00:20:50,665
Get General Mercer.
506
00:20:50,665 --> 00:20:51,499
General Mercer.
507
00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:55,378
Stop it!
508
00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:58,965
General, there's some
trouble here.
509
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,133
Speak to these men in French!
510
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:02,260
Make them stop!
511
00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:04,846
( speaking French )
512
00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:07,390
Shh!
513
00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:15,190
Orders from London
to get you out, General.
514
00:21:15,231 --> 00:21:17,400
Those centerpieces in there
are loaded with explosives.
515
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:18,943
That whole room goes up
in ten minutes.
516
00:21:18,985 --> 00:21:20,528
Then you've got to stop it.
517
00:21:20,528 --> 00:21:22,989
Those plans are
much more important than any general.
518
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:25,325
They show every supply
depot in France.
519
00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:27,660
They just issued us
with a complete set.
520
00:21:27,702 --> 00:21:30,038
It's going
to be close.
521
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:31,122
All right, look.
522
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,707
Give me a few minutes
head start.
523
00:21:32,707 --> 00:21:35,084
Go back and
expose the bombs and clear the room.
524
00:21:35,126 --> 00:21:36,669
All right.
What about the plan?
525
00:21:36,711 --> 00:21:37,837
Make sure you're
the last one out.
526
00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:39,380
Close the door,
leave your set on the table.
527
00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:40,465
Right.
528
00:21:40,506 --> 00:21:42,217
All right,
back to the kitchen.
529
00:21:42,258 --> 00:21:43,259
Now, look,
someone's got
530
00:21:43,301 --> 00:21:44,344
to go up that
dumbwaiter
531
00:21:44,385 --> 00:21:45,720
and get the plans
off the table
532
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:46,804
before the bomb
goes off.
533
00:21:46,846 --> 00:21:49,098
Someone? Someone?
534
00:21:51,559 --> 00:21:54,229
My point is that they don't
give enough consideration...
535
00:21:57,106 --> 00:21:59,233
I wish I was six-feet tall.
536
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:03,571
Now, look, you got
less than five minutes,
537
00:22:03,571 --> 00:22:04,906
so if anything goes wrong,
forget the plans
538
00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:06,407
and come back down.
539
00:22:06,407 --> 00:22:08,159
And if Carter's bombs
go off one second early,
540
00:22:08,242 --> 00:22:09,744
I'll never speak
to him again.
541
00:22:09,744 --> 00:22:11,537
All right.
542
00:22:11,579 --> 00:22:13,998
All right, Mornay,
the car will be waiting out back for you.
543
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,875
As soon as the plans
come down, you take off.
544
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:17,877
...when they should be
looking at plans,
545
00:22:17,919 --> 00:22:19,045
they are looking at...
546
00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:21,172
What I simply want to say
is you cannot...
547
00:22:21,214 --> 00:22:22,256
Achtung!
548
00:22:22,256 --> 00:22:24,092
These decorations are bombs!
549
00:22:24,133 --> 00:22:25,426
Everybody leave at once!
550
00:22:25,426 --> 00:22:26,803
( clamoring )
551
00:22:42,568 --> 00:22:43,945
Any second now.
552
00:23:02,171 --> 00:23:03,631
All right.
553
00:23:03,673 --> 00:23:05,007
( explosion )
554
00:23:07,844 --> 00:23:09,637
Good luck.
Get going.
555
00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:12,014
Thank you.
556
00:23:12,056 --> 00:23:14,100
Carter, I'll never
talk to you again.
557
00:23:14,142 --> 00:23:15,643
What's the matter?
558
00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:17,562
The bombs were
one minute late.
559
00:23:23,901 --> 00:23:26,612
Thank you for your
information. Heil Hitler.
560
00:23:26,654 --> 00:23:28,448
That was General Burkhalter.
561
00:23:28,489 --> 00:23:30,032
He discovered that Mornay
562
00:23:30,074 --> 00:23:32,118
was not authorized
by the Gestapo.
563
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,579
He was a fake. A saboteur.
564
00:23:34,620 --> 00:23:39,083
I realized it the moment
I laid eyes on him.
565
00:23:39,125 --> 00:23:41,836
We will find this Mornay.
566
00:23:41,878 --> 00:23:43,588
Oh, Hogan, I'm going
to be extremely busy
567
00:23:43,629 --> 00:23:44,589
for the next few weeks.
568
00:23:44,630 --> 00:23:47,216
I'm afraid I cannot
rehearse your show.
569
00:23:47,258 --> 00:23:48,968
What a pity.
570
00:23:50,928 --> 00:23:52,847
"Stalag 13 Presents
571
00:23:52,847 --> 00:23:55,183
"'Escapes of 1943'
572
00:23:55,183 --> 00:23:58,769
"Starring Col. Wilhelm Klink
573
00:23:58,811 --> 00:24:00,730
and his violin."
574
00:24:00,771 --> 00:24:02,940
Beautiful!
575
00:24:05,568 --> 00:24:07,904
I, uh, might just
have a little time
576
00:24:07,945 --> 00:24:08,821
for your show.
577
00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:15,328
After all, morale
is important, too.
578
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,082
Hambone.
579
00:24:20,124 --> 00:24:24,545
He plays the violin,
there will be a mass escape.
580
00:24:24,545 --> 00:24:28,049
Every prisoner is going
to go over the wall.
581
00:24:28,090 --> 00:24:29,884
Well...
582
00:24:32,970 --> 00:24:34,555
No show!
583
00:24:34,555 --> 00:24:36,015
No show.
584
00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:38,309
I couldn't stand being
alone in Stalag 13.
585
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:42,909
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