All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s02e13 Dont Write.eng

ANNOUNCER:
CBS presents this program in color.

( theme song playing )

Make yourself comfortable.

You'll be staying
with us a while.

May I ask how long
it may be, sir?

At least until the Krauts
stop searching for you.

Then we'll move you out.

Our contact with the underground

will pass you along
to the coast,

and one of your own subs
will pick you up.

Oh, I say,
that is clever, Colonel.

But supposing the Jerrys
find us down here

while we're waiting?

Simple. Then it
won't be so clever.

Herman, come on, vite, vite.

I need another egg
for the soufflé.

Be a good chap, Herman.

Give over or out,
whichever is easier.

KINCH:
Herman, come on.

Hi, any luck?

Unless he shapes up,
no soufflé tonight.

Watch this.

Chicken! This is
your commanding officer speaking.

( squawking )

You lay an egg,
and that's an order.

Nobody respects officers
anymore.

Any action?

Nothing. That chicken's a
ruddy Kraut if you ask me.

Stubborn.

Newkirk, name calling never
solves anything.

Come on, darling, I want
a souffle tonight.

Hey, Schultz, aren't you
supposed to be on guard duty?

Ja, but Colonel Klink
is busy in his office

with a colonel from Berlin.

Really, which one is that?

His name is Bessler.

A personnel officer
of the Luftwaffe.

Another big shot on a very
important assignment.

A personnel officer, huh?

I guess I'll
have to look into that.

Colonel Hogan, this
is none of your concern.

Come on, chicky, come on.

( clucks like a chicken )

( clucking )

LeBEAU:
Herman!

Oh, that's great!

Was it something I said?

You seem to have

a very efficient
operation here, Klink.

Danke,Colonel.

I have worked very hard
to make Stalag 13

the toughest P.O.W. camp
in all of Germany.

And believe me, it
has not been easy.

My burdens have been heavy--

problems,
sleepless nights,

trying to solve them...

Nice snow job.

"Snow job"? It's a blizzard.

To me, duty comes first.

When I was transferred here,

I was with the
410th bomber group.

Yes, I know.

Ah, here, let me show you

a picture of my old outfit.

( chuckling )

There we are.

That's me in the middle,
with the white scarf.

Ah, real comrades,
all of you.

I can see that.

Ja, ja.

Ah, I was sad at the thought
of being grounded,

but, uh, as I said,
duty uber alles.

The Fuhrer commands,
I serve.

You prefer a combat
assignment then?

( clears throat )

My dear Colonel,
when I was with the 410th,

they called me
the Iron Eagle.

Oh.

Ah, yes.

The Iron Eagle-- up there
in the wild blue yonder.

At the control of my Heinkel,
zooming through the enemy.

Of course, uh, now
the Iron Eagle flies

at somewhat lower altitudes.

I'm very glad
you feel the way you do.

Actually, I'm here
on what you might call

a recruiting mission
for the Russian front.

We need manpower.

Watch out, Klink,
he's setting you up.

Herr Bessler,
I shall be very happy

to transfer any of my men
that you may need.

But, uh, I'm afraid
they're not all

a front-line quality
like myself.

It's not them
he wants, dummy.

It's you.

Clam up, will you?

Colonel, the
Russian Front

needs officers,
experienced leaders.

I understand, sir.

Ooh, how I wish I could go.

I'd show those Ruskies
a thing or two.

You can go, Colonel.

I've got a few tricks
up my sleeve. I...

I can go?

Tell me when it's over.

We need you.

Well, uh, frankly,
my flying tricks

are a little out of date.

They'll soon brief you
in the newer techniques.

Now, a flight surgeon
will be sent here next week,

to give you
your physical examination.

( clears throat )

I haven't been too well lately.

If you pass and you're fit--
( spurts )-- off you go.

But what about my work
here at Stalag 13?

No problem.

They'll assign
another officer.

Congratulations, Colonel.

Your request for
combat duty is very commendable.

My request?

Well, he did it.

The Iron Eagle just got his tail
caught in the barbed wire.

Good riddance to him.

Glad to see
the last of him.

Talk is cheap, Newkirk.

We've got two prisoners
waiting to escape,

now this happens.

Well, if they do
transfer Klink,

we might get lucky

with another Kraut
we can train.

And suppose we don't?

Suppose the new commandant's
an efficiency expert?

We got to figure a way
to stop that transfer.

Well, I can't believe
they'd take him.

He makes a lot of noise,

but he's empty
inside, you know?

Are you kidding?

If he passes that physical,
he's gone.

Well, maybe he won't pass.

You know, he's
got something there.

If Klink doesn't
pass his physical,

we might be able
to save his neck.

Question, sir.

Must we?

( knock at door )

Come in!
Colonel?

Yes, Hogan, what is it?

I've been told

you have orders
for the Russian Front.

Big-Mouth Schultz?

Big-Mouth Schultz, sir.

There is no truth
in what he says.

I have just had
a long conversation

with General Dohrmeyer.

He assures me that
there has been a mistake,

and that my orders
will be, will be...

I have not been able to get
General Dohrmeyer on the phone.

Not even any general...
or colonel.

Not even a major or a captain.

Why don't you look at it

as a great sacrifice
for the fatherland?

Thank you, that's very helpful.

Look, I have a going-
away present here for you from the men.

A wallet.

Oh, that's a very
touching gesture, I must say.

They made it themselves.

Here, let me point out
some of the features of it.

It has a compartment
in here, see,

and it's got
an I.D. card.

You put your name

and your rank
on that line,

and on the line beneath...

Oh, forget that.

That was tactless of me
to bring it up.

Wait a minute, Hogan,
let me see that.

"In case of death,
notify the following person."

Of course,
if you're missing in action,

it's not much good.

By the way,
when do you leave?

The Luftwaffe doctor
will examine me in a few days.

Then I'll know.

Any chance you
won't pass the exam?

Unfortunately, I'm a beautiful
physical specimen.

Yeah, too bad.

Of course,
there are ways,

but that wouldn't
interest you.

Well, tally-ho.

Go get 'em.

Hogan, wait a minute.

Wait, wait, what do
you mean, "ways"?

Not passing the physical,

getting yourself
into a weakened condition,

starving yourself,
catching a cold,

maybe even pneumonia,
if you're lucky.

It's been done before.

Hogan, I am a German
and an officer.

Now, what you're suggesting

is obviously dishonest,
vile and deceitful.

Now, if I'm ordered
to the Russian Front,

to be shot
out of the wild blue yonder

and die in the snow,
then that is what I must do.

Spoken like a true
German patriot.

Thank you.

Good luck.

Don't forget to write.

Hogan... wait!

Your lunch, Herr Kommandant.

Bread and water again?

There is a little dessert.

Ja?

Guten appetit.

A toothpick?

On that you can have seconds.

Mmm.

Ah, Schultz,
please don't get up.

At ease.

Having your lunch, I see.

Yes, sir.

That's a nice, big sandwich.

Oh, that's the appetizer.

The real lunch
is in there.

Oh, more?

Well, then,
you won't mind if I join you.

Yeah, but, Herr Kommandant,
please, Colonel Hogan says...

Never mind, Hogan.

Now, Schultz, you will share
your food with me

or the next lunch you have
will be covered with icicles.

HOGAN:
Ah-ah-ah-ah.

There goes the Iron Eagle
into the wild blue yonder.

Sandwiches are a big no-no,
Commandant.

( groans )

You know, Schultz, sometimes
it's so hard to help people.

Mm-hmm.

There must be an easier way
to catch pneumonia than this.

It should work.
Come on.

Pleasant dreams.

Oh, oh, oh.
The coat, the coat.

( groans )

( Klink shivering )

Okay.

( Klink groaning and shivering )

Ah-ah-ah-ah.
! Huh?

Nighty-night.

( speaks German )

Schultz, shut up.

Schultz...

You better stay out here tonight
and guard him.

Me? Are you crazy?

A man could catch cold
on a night like this.

Ol' Klink, he's sleeping outside
last night.

Talk about a room
with a view.

( laughing )

All right, all right,
Hold it, fellas,

I just got the word.

Klink gets his physical
in 48 hours.

Between now and the time
that doctor examines him,

I don't want Klink
to shut his eyes.

No sleep at all.

That ought to do something
to his blood pressure.

And his pulse rate.
Yeah, but Colonel,

how do we
keep him awake?

Talk to him, amuse him--
anything at all.

We'll work in shifts
and go on rotation.

Carter, you lead off.

Kinch, LeBeau, second shift,

and maybe Schultz
and Newkirk next.

All clear?
Yes, sir.

The chips are down,
so make this work.

Under no circumstances
is Klink to fall asleep.

Right.
! Right.

Wake up, sir.

Huh?

You're not supposed
to fall asleep.

Of course.

Now, uh, you were saying?

I was telling you
about how I enlisted.

See, I wanted to get
in the war early--

you know, before the
war got too crowded.

That's very interesting.

Yeah, but I had
this friend Charlie,

and he didn't want
any part of the war.

But he finally gave up.

I think he was glad

the draft board
caught up with him.

( stifled laugh )

Yeah, I guess
it was no fun

hiding under that
porch for two years.

Wake up, sir, wake up.

Huh?

You're not supposed
to fall asleep.

( singing in French )

Colonel? Colonel Klink?

I haven't finished yet.

Colonel. Klink!

Mmm?

( singing in French )

( bangs desks )

Herr Kommandant, wake up.

You're not supposed
to fall asleep.

Schultz, if you want
to keep me awake

you must talk to me.

Yes, Herr Kommandant, but

we have nothing in common.
What shall I say?

Talk about anything.

Your philosophy of life.
Anything.

Yes, Herr Kommandant.

Let's see...

My philosophy of life is

that people should be always
very kind to each other

and never worry about things
too much

because when it comes to trouble
it never rains, it pours.

Oh, shut up, Schultz.

Who cares about your philosophy?

( yawns )

Schultz, wake up!

It's your turn.

Hmm.

A safe card.

Colonel?

Colonel?

Ooh, blimey.

Ahh.
* Ahh.

Hmm.

* Hmm.

Doctor, I hope that there is
nothing wrong with my throat.

I-I mean, whatever it is,
you must pass me.

I've got to fly again.

Yup. They used to call
the Colonel the Iron Eagle.

Is that so?

Well, some of his
feathers have gotten a little rusty.

Good!

I mean, it's good to be up there
in the wild blue yonder.

Herr Colonel,

you are in terrible
physical condition.

Oh, that is awful.

You know, I had my heart so set
on flying.

However,

you have passed the one
important test

for a combat assignment
to the Russian Front.

I have?

Ja.

You are breathing.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

In accordance with
staff order number

459-8723-J6,

duly signed by
General Burkhalter,

I herewith
relinquish my command

of Stalag 13

to Captain Fritz Gruber.

Stand at
attention!

Your beloved commandant,
Wilhelm Klink,

has volunteered for duty
on the Eastern Front!

( cheering )

Bravo.

( laughing ):
Bravo.

GRUBER:
Quiet!

With the transfer of command,

certain changes will be made.

From now on,
you will obey

every order and regulation

to the letter!

Anyone who fails to do so
will be punished

without mercy!

That a boy,
Fritz Baby!

( laughter )

Sergeant, that man there--

30 days in
solitary.

And as a reminder
to the rest of you,

all recreational privileges
are canceled

for the same period!

It shall be done,
Herr Captain.

Captain, I must protest
this unusual...

I am not interested
in your protest!

Dismissed!

I hope you just
learned something, Klink,

in case you ever come back
from the Russian Front.

Yes, sir.

Which is doubtful.

Yes, sir. Doubtful.

SCHULTZ:
Roll Call!

Everybody out, out, out,
out, out, out, out!

Roll call!

( indistinct chatter )

Everybody out!

Formation outside!

Formation outside!

Oh, Schultzy!

Everybody out, out!

KINCH:
Formation...

Out! Put your
clothes on!

...Clothes on!
Roll call!

What do you mean roll call?

Roll call! Don't
look at me like this!

Orders from the
new kommandant!

And, oh boy,

is he a real sweetheart.

Out! Out!

Everybody out, out, out,
out, out, out, out!

( indistinct chatter )

Roll call! Raus!

NEWKIRK:
Yeah. Rausyourself.

KINCH:
Close it, Carter. It's cold!

What's all the excitement?

Surprise roll call outside

in five minutes.
Gruber's orders.

Yeah, shocking
thing this time of night.

We have to get rid
of that Gruber...

( indistinct chatter )

All right, hold it down,
hold it down.

We only have a couple
of minutes.

You're right, we've got to do
something about Gruber,

and we got to do it fast.

You got any ideas,
Colonel?

Just one,
and let's hope it works.

LeBeau, Carter, Newkirk,
take off

through the emergency tunnel
now.

I'll report you missing
at roll call.

Escape where?

Use the three emergency hideouts
until they come for you.

Understood?
Right.

Right, sir.
All right.

The rest of you get ready
for roll call. Gotcha.

Are you absolutely
sure, Sergeant?

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

I had roll call four times,

and I've searched the barracks.

They are gone.

GRUBER:
Turn out the force. Notify

the sentries at the roadblocks
and release the dogs.

This camp is on red alert
until further notice.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

And Sergeant,

see that General Burkhalter
is not disturbed.

Oh, boy.

Gruber?

What's going on here?

General, I
regret to report

three men
have escaped.

What?!

In the middle of the night?

That's the best time, they say.

Fortunately, I ordered
a surprise roll call.

The escape
was discovered.

Don't try to take credit
for a disaster.

Order a red alert at once!

The order has
already been given,

Herr General.

What a mess.

If those men are not found,
it will go against my record,

as well as yours.

I understand, sir.

No, you don't.

I am the one
who has to face the Fuhrer.

Oh, oh.

( knocking )

Come in, come in.

Hi, Colonel.
( laughing )

How do you like
the escape so far?

Oh marvelous,
exhilarating.

It couldn't have
happened at a better time.

That's true.

Ho-ho, they are running
around out there

like a bunch of dogs
chasing a rabbit.

( laughing, speaking German )

If General
Burkhalter thinks

that Gruber can
recapture those men,

he is out of his head.

Could be.

There was never a
successful escape while I was here

at Stalag 13.

That's true. You
all packed, Colonel?

All packed.

Tell me something.

How would, uh...

How would you
like not to go?

Not go?
Mm-hmm.

Why, that's silly.

I'm a soldier,
and I have my order.

It's my duty to go.

Well, if that's
how you feel.

Yes, that's how I... how I...

How can I get out of going?
Please tell me.

Easy, Colonel, pull
yourself together.

Don't slobber.
It's embarrassing.

Oh, I can feel the ice
forming on my wings.

I don't even have a plane.

How can I get out
of it, Hogan? How?

Well, if you recapture
the prisoners,

Burkhalter might
cancel your orders and reinstate you.

What? Help them?

Of course. You know
how the prisoners think.

You'd know where
to look for them.

I would?

Mm-hmm. You'd, uh...

You'd know that one of
the men might hole up

in a barn near the
Hammelburg road.

Ja, ja, ja.

The second might possibly
be in one of those caves,

near the Barnsdorf Bridge.

Ja, ja?

And the third, in
a place so obvious

they'd never think
to look there.

In a haystack on the
farm right outside camp.

Ja, ja, ja, ja.

If you're right,
you save yourself

from the
Russian Front,

and the expense
of a colorful military funeral.

That I could
do without!

All right, do you want
to do business with them?

No, never. It
is a matter of principle with me.

General Burkhalter
must learn his lesson.

Even if it kills you?

So long, Colonel.

Happy landings,
but don't count on it.

Don't worry
about me, Hogan.

I'm not afraid.

I will survive this war,
and, uh...

Go on, Colonel.

And I remember the first two,

but where was the third place
a prisoner might hide?

Don't tell me

you have no idea where they are.

It is your duty to know.

Now talk, Hogan.

How did they get
out of the camp?

They walked
in their sleep.

Hogan!

You played your little games
with Klink,

but it won't work with me.

Klink? If he'd been the command,
this wouldn't have happened.

Ach!

He understood
our psychology.

Frankly, sir,
I'm glad he's gone.

Are you suggesting
that Klink would know

where to look for these men?

He might.
Impossible.

Shut up, Gruber.

Sometimes even a child knows
how to do one thing expertly.

We all know
what a big baby Klink is.

Colonel Klink,
we were just talking about you.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh! General Burkhalter!
I didn't know that you were...

What is it, Klink?

Oh, I left my copy
of Mein Kampf, uh,

in the desk here, sir.

It should be of great comfort
to me at the Russian Front.

Very handy for
starting campfires.

Klink, I want to talk to you.

Gruber, dismissed.

Yes, sir?

Klink, have you any idea

where the escaped prisoners
might be?

Do I have any idea?

Why, in a few minutes
I could, uh, uh...

I could, uh, pick up my book
and be out of here.

That's not an answer
to my question.

Do you know where these men are,
or don't you?

I, uh, have a few ideas.

This is important, Klink.

I am not anxious
to go to Bertesgarten

and report this matter.

I understand, sir.

You capture these men,

and I will tear up
your transfer.

But... But
Herr General,

I want to fly
again in combat.

Up in the wild
blue yonder

at the control
of my Heinkel...

Forget it.

We will do the best we can
without you.

Yes, sir.
Uh, Herr General, uh,

I have thought
it over, and, uh,

I accept your
very kind offer.

Good. Get started at once.

Yes, sir.

A reprieve, Hogan,
a reprieve!

Congratulations.

Hogan, in this life,

we must always fight
for what we want.

I thought I, uh,

handled it rather brilliantly,
didn't you?

Believe me, Colonel,

I couldn't have
done better myself.

He's not in there,
Herr Kommandant.

Well, he better be.

Then try again
and keep trying.

Need some help?

Stay out of
this, Carter.

Carter!

Hi there... gang.

Comrade.

LeBeau!

Wake up, LeBeau!

LeBeau, wake up.

I'm tired, Schultz.

Come back for me in an hour.

An hour!
Are you crazy?!

You're an escaped prisoner.

Come on, come on...

SCHULTZ:
Aha!

Afternoon, mates.

Come-around time
so soon, is it?

Uh, you've heard me speak
of Brunhilde.

SCHULTZ:
Into the truck!

Oh, some other time,
perhaps, eh?

Ta, ta.

A right old darling,

eh, Schultzy?

Into the truck!

One, two, three, that's
the last of them.

Nice work, Commandant.

Thank you.
They'll get 30 days

solitary
confinement.

30 days?

I guess I'll have to protest
to Burkhalter

and tell him the whole story.

The whole story?

Lie by lie.

Perhaps, uh, 30 days
is a little harsh.

I'll work
something out.

SCHULTZ:
Colonel Hogan?

Does that mean he won't go
to the Russian Front

and maybe freeze to death?

Exactly.

Hmm. That's what I thought.

Schultz,
you're smiling.

It is not easy
when your heart is breaking.

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

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