All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s02e12 Will the Real Adolf Please Stand Up.eng

ANNOUNCER:
CBS presents this program in color.

( theme song playing )

*

Newkirk's
away, Colonel.

All right, good.
LeBeau, you're next.

Three minutes, then Carter,
Kinch; I'll be last out.

Okay.
Now, look, stay on schedule.

Wait until we're all assembled
at the rendezvous point.

This one has got to work.

You're a little
jumpy, mon colonel.

This is important.

That Kraut officer's
carrying plans

for the German
coastal defense for the channel ports.

Oh, yeah, big stuff.
Now, look,

the underground has
assigned a girl.

Her name is Christina.

She's going to stop
the Kraut's car.

A girl to stop a car?

It's been done before.

She wouldn't have
any trouble with me.

You don't even know
what she looks like.

After two years in
here, who cares?

LeBeau.

All right, stand by.

Kinch, you'll handle
the camera.

Right.
Bring the film back and get it developed.

London wants the negatives
delivered to a local contact.

His name is Carl.
Right.

Any questions?

Colonel, we're all going
to be out of camp.

Now, what happens
if Schultz or Klink decide

to make a surprise
bed check tonight?

Impossible. I locked
the barracks door.

I know there's a war on,

but we're entitled
to some privacy.

( tapping at glass )

Franz.

Franz?

Was ist los?

Madame Fraulein,
trouble?

Afraid so.

I started to turn around,
and the engine went dead.

Sorry I have blocked the road.

We'll see what we can do.

Baggert, have
a look at it.

Would you care to
wait in my car?

Danke, Major.
That is very kind of you.

You know, there
is a café

just down the road.

Excellent idea.

We might as well
be comfortable,

and I am ready
for a drink.

Carry on, Baggert.

Madame Fraulein,
Herr Major.

Madame,
this way, please.

I think I have
a table for you.

Ah.
Danke.

Allow me.

Would you care to order?

Uh, cognac, bitte.

Sir?
Eins Schnaps for me.

Eins cognac
and eins Schnaps, bitte.

Would you like me
to hang your coat up, sir?

No. Uh, I will keep it
right here.

Yes.

I'll get your drinks
right away.

Must be in his overcoat.

He didn't seem to care
about the briefcase.

Eins mal cognac...

und eins mal Schnaps.

A vache lot of
good it does us.

Everything's
going to be okay.

The Marines
have landed.

NEWKIRK:
Guten Abend, Captain.

Eins cognac.
Danke.

Eins Schnaps.
Danke.

Bitte.

Karl?

Aren't you
Major Grunnel?

Afraid not.
Uh, my name is Klantz.

You look enough like Major
Grunnel to be his twin brother.

Forgive me, sir.

Perhaps the captain
would like to join us?

Oh, I would be intruding.

No intrusion, Captain.
Uh, join us, by all means.

Danke.
Uh, Captain Hoganlaffer.

Well, you know my name,
and this is Fraulein Etst.

Fraulein.
Captain, may I?

Ah, danke.

Uh, would you like me to,
uh, hang your coat up, sir?

Please do,
and bring me some beer.

Right away, sir.

Eins beer, Rudolph.

Eins beer... Rudolph?

And with a
little champagne

I was able to get
on the black market,

the trip should not be
too dull.

Now, uh, what about
another cognac?

Ja, I think I will.

Captain?

Oh, no, it's
past my bedtime.

Waiter, my coat, please.

Jawohl, Herr Captain.

Well... Major.

Captain.

Fraulein.

It's been most pleasant.

Danke, Captain.

I don't know when I've gotten
more out of an evening.

My pleasure, Captain.

Yes. Heil Hitler.

BOTH:
Heil Hitler. Auf Wiedersehen.

ALL:
Auf Wiedersehen.

Waiter, eins mal, bitte.

Jawohl. Danke.

Eins mal, bitte, Rudolph.

( knocking at door )

Come in.

Commandant,
you wanted to see me?

Yes, Hogan, I have
a very serious matter

to discuss with you.

At your service,
Colonel.

I know everything
that happened last night.

You what?

I know all about it,

every move that was made.

Hogan, you don't fool me
for one minute.

How did you find out?

General Burkhalter just
telephoned the news from Berlin.

He knows, too?

Of course!

Now, Hogan, there were two
attempted escapes last night:

one from Stalag Nine,
one from Stalag Five,

almost at the same hour.

Phew!

That's wonderful news.

Now don't tell me you didn't
know anything about it.

Well, sir, I...
Hogan,

you can't hide a thing from me.

That's very true, sir.

Now, General Burkhalter feels,
and I agree...

Naturally.
...that this may be part of a master plan

in which allied prisoners
in all the Stalags

at the same time
attempt an escape,

creating confusion and
tying down German forces

that may be needed
for the front.

That's a great idea.
Mind if I borrow it?

That is exactly why
I've ordered special security forces.

Now, all guards
inside the camp will be doubled,

and a strong patrol
will be placed outside the camp.

That's against the Geneva
Prisoner of War Convention.

I must protest.
Your protest has been noted.

Now, I understand
that General Burkhalter

will make a surprise visit
to investigate

my new special
security forces,

and when he does,
I shall be able

to give him
a perfect report.

And I'll have to report this

to the Swiss Protecting Power
when they come here.

By all means, but I warn you,

any attempt at an escape
will be crushed without mercy.

From now on, every soldier
under my command

will have to work
an extra shift.

How are they going to feel
about that in Berlin?

What do you mean?

That runs into a lot
of overtime.

...all there.

Now you go out
through the emergency tunnel.

You meet Carl,
give him the film.

He'll pass it
along to London.

Oui, Colonel.

There he is.

All right, keep an
eye on him, Kinch.

What's the recognition code,
Colonel?

Three first names.

Now, use Harry, George,
Joe, any names.

He must answer yes
to all of them.

Then use the
name Carl.

He must answer
no. Got it?

Right.
On your way and good luck.

Thank you.
KINCHLOE: Hey, hold it.

Uh-uh.

Trouble.

Real trouble, Colonel.

Take a look.

HOGAN:
The Kraut's got him!

What?!

I thought Klink
was bluffing

about those
patrols.

Let's spring him,
Colonel.

Sure, before
they take him away.

Take it easy,
take it easy.

Nothing's going
to happen to him.

He's a local man.
They have no evidence on him.

They'll question him
and let him go.

And we get the film
to him tomorrow night.

That's the problem.

The Krauts have
Carl tagged now.

They'll keep
an eye on him.

He's useless to us.

Then what about this?

The alternate plan
is to get this film to Christina.

She knows the
next link in the chain to London.

We'll contact
her in town.

Klink's got it sewn up tight.
We can't get out.

Right. Tomorrow,
I go to work on old blood and guts

and make him
pull those patrols out of the woods.

How, Colonel?

I'll tell you how.

I turn into a rat
fink and squeal on you guys.

That's how.

The way I get it,

one of my men
would sacrifice himself

by going over the wire here.

Over the wire?
By what means?

A ladder,
grappling hooks.

Uh-huh.

Once outside,

he'd divert the patrols
this way.

He'd also draw off
the tower guards

who would be firing
into the woods.

Uh-huh!

And now comes
the real escape. Right.

They plan on stealing
your staff car.

They'd start the motor
by crossing the ignition wires.

Then they race across here
and crash through the gates.

That's it!

That's very interesting.

Mm-hmm.

Schultz, can you confirm
any of this?

Do you have
any indication?

I see nothing. I know nothing.

Hmm. "I know nothing.
I see nothing."

You, too, Herr Kommandant?

They kept it
very quiet, sir.

Well, you knew.

Well, the escape committee
must report all their plans

to me for approval.

And here you are--
how do you say--

squealing on
your own men?

Mm-hmm.
Why, Hogan, why?

Well, I told them how you had
tightened your security,

but they wouldn't believe me.

I just don't want anybody
to get hurt.

Such a nice man for an officer.

Schultz!

A show of force might stop them
from doing it, sir?

You think so?
Yes.

Now, if you were
to pull some of your men

and their gun positions
from out of here

and put them
down inside the wire,

might discourage the men
from even trying.

Hogan, I am
very impressed

by your attitude.

You're being
very helpful.

Thank you, sir.

As a matter of fact,

I would be even
more impressed

if the whole thing
were not a lie!

Lie? Colonel, that hurts!

You come here
with this nonsense,

trying to get me
to redeploy my men

so I would leave
an area unguarded?

Then the real escape
would be attempted

with you leading
the pack.

Sir, you're doing me
an injustice.

Huh! Even if
this escape were unsuccessful,

it would embarrass me

in the eyes of
General Burkhalter!

HOGAN:
Colonel, just a minute!

I am going to take
your suggestion, Hogan,

only in a slightly
different way.

I am going to order
reinforcements

from divisional
headquarters at once.

That is what I think

of your childish
little scheme.

Anytime you care to report
to me again, Colonel Hogan,

I shall be at your disposal.

Colonel Hogan, what happened?

Schultz, I think
I'm losing my touch.

A cigarette
for a pal?

The Fuhrer does not share
his cigarettes with anybody,

especially with you, Newkirk--
a filthy Englander!

All I did was ask
him for a cigarette,

and he gives me a
bloody vaudeville.

( chuckles ):
Hey, I do that pretty good, if I do say so myself.

And you do.

Well, I used to go
to the news reels a lot.

Hey, you know,
I can also do Bette Davis.

Oh, really?

What a dump.

Oh, it's great.
Exactly like her.

Don't call us,
we'll call you.

That was pretty good.

Struck out.

You're kidding.

Had me figured
from the beginning.

Wouldn't take the bait.

Toyed with me.

I can't believe it.

The patrols are
still in the woods?

Worse than that.
He's ordered reinforcements.

Either Klink has smartened up,
or I've lost my touch.

Blimy, old Klink's
really got us boxed in.

HOGAN:
Right.

We're sitting here with the most
important piece of film

we've ever handled.

If our side tries
even a probing attack

on the coast of France,
could mean the difference

between living and dying
for a lot of people.

Colonel Hogan,
I will get that film

out of Stalag 13 for you,
because I, Adolf Hitler,

am basically a lovable person!

How can you kid around
at a time like this?!

You know what we're up against.
I just laid it out for you.

Sorry, Colonel.

HOGAN:
You should be.

Imitating that nut in Berlin.

It's not all that funny.

Wait a minute.

It's really not
all that funny.

Do it again.

Put the comb up
the way you had it.

Sure.

Now, walk
like old scramble-brains...

with your thumb in your buckle.

( sighs )

Just might work.

Mills, Foster
and Greenberg:

a colonel, a major
and a brigadier general.

Very good
uniforms, LeBeau.

Merci, mon
colonel.

HOGAN:
All right, this is

a very important job,
so make it work,

and it'll be a big score
for our side.

Only one man should talk.

Who's it going to be?

I'm elected, Colonel.

All right, Foster,
keep it to a minimum,

but very arrogant
and sure of yourself.

Yes, sir!

And stay away from the guards
as much as possible.

We don't want some nosy Kraut
recognizing you.

NEWKIRK ( clapping ):
Gentlemen,

gentlemen, a little Achtung
if you please!

And now, direct
from a successful engagement

in Berlin, where he bombed,

here he is, your enemy and mine,

Heil Jigglegruber!

Carter, it's great.

You look just like
Mr. Nutty himself.

Formidable.

You could fool
Eva Braun.

All right, look,
it's almost time.

Here's the setup.

Kinch has got a car
from the motor pool.

You drive along
inside the wire

just after they change
the guards.

Now, the Krauts coming
on duty will think

you've already been admitted
to camp through another gate.

You know the rest.
Good luck.

Yeah, good luck.

You scared, Carter?

I'm scared.

Doing this bit in here
is one thing,

but outside there
with those killers...

Heil!

HEROES:
Heil!

Why did I have to go
to those news reels?

Changing the guard now,
Colonel.

Corporal Schmidt
is posting the men.

There's the car.

Approaching the gate.

Right on time.

Should be over in five
minutes if we're lucky.

It's working!

He's going
to Klink's office.

( crickets chirping )

What is this?

I thought I gave the order:
no more barrage balloons.

This is the sergeant
of the guard, Mein Fuhrer.

Sergeant?

I was once a corporal,
you know.

I hated sergeants then,
and I hate sergeants now!

Danke, Mein
Fuhrer!

What is the
meaning of this?

What is this
car doing here?

This is against
all regulations.

Herr Kommandant, please...

Schultz, who are
these officers?

Herr Kommandant, they are...

Oh, shut up!

I am Major Hauptman
of the Fuhrer's staff.

Oh, you are?

And why didn't
you bring the Fuhrer with you?

I'm glad you did.

( breathlessly ):
Heil Hitler.

This man is
the commandant?

Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer.

We will the
war any minute!

It is indeed a very great honor

to have you here
with us, Mein Fuhrer.

His Excellency was on his way
to Dusseldorf,

and he decided to make
a surprise visit.

HITLER:
Ja!

Everything I do
is a surprise,

even to me!

Come on, Carter,
pack up and leave.

Stop gassing with Klink.

Is he balmy?

Every minute out
there is dangerous.

If he starts to sweat,
that mustache will come off.

His orders were
to get it over

as quickly as possible
and leave.

Mein Fuhrer,

I had the
extreme honor

of being
presented to you

at a rally in
Munich, uh,

just before the war.

Before the war?
Ja, ja.

There was nothing
before the war!

Nobody existed
before the war!

Of course not,
Mein Fuhrer.

And I will make sure

no one will exist
after the war!

Hogan, out of your
barracks at a time like this?

I'm sorry, sir.
I heard voices.

Thought maybe
you were having a party.

Back to your
quarters at once!

Just a minute.
Who is this Americana?

Colonel Robert Hogan,

Senior Prisoner
of War, s-sir.

Colonel Hogan,

may I present
Adolf Hitler,

the supreme leader
of our German nation.

How do you do, sir?
I've heard a lot about you.

( muttering ):
Back to the barracks, Hogan.

I wish to talk
to this man.

Yes, Mein Fuhrer.

Carter,
what are you doing,

trying
for an Academy Award?

They're watching us;
be careful.

Yes, sir.

Your orders were
to get out of camp fast.

Well, I guess I started
imitating Hitler

and I lost my head.

Imitating Hitler
and you lost your head.

I'll guarantee it
if they get wise to us.

Now go back to them

and give orders
to resume your trip.

Get that film
out of here.

Yes, sir.

No matter
what happens, don't...

Wait a minute--
we've blown it.

Burkhalter!

General Burkhalter,
what a surprise.

As a matter of fact,

we are full of
surprises tonight.

The Fuhrer has
just arrived.

The Fuhrer, here?

And in a very
good mood, sir.

I must greet him at once.

I would have won the
war a long time ago

if it wasn't
for my generals!

They are ignorant,
stupid fools,

and they know
nothing about war!

All they do is eat
and have good times!

Really?
Ja!

I have one general
who looks like a stuffed goose!

But, believe me,

one day, the goose
will hang high by his heels!

On second thought,

I will see the Fuhrer
some other time.

But, Herr
General, I-I-I...

Ow!

Phew! That was
too close.

All right,
get going, Carter.

Yes, sir.

Mein Fuhrer...

would you care for
some refreshment?

Nothing. We must go.

We resume our trip
at once.

Mein Fuhrer, I
cannot tell you

what it has
meant to me...

Of course you can't.

Nobody can tell me
anything.

I enjoyed myself.

Danke, Mein Fuhrer.

Love your Stalag.

Very nice barbed wire.

We think so.

I like barbed wire.

It makes me feel very warm,
very sentimental inside.

Ja, mein Fuhrer.

Heil! Heil! Heil!
Heil! Heil! Heil!

Yes, yes, by all means.

Auf Wiedersehen, folks.

BOTH:
Heil, heil, heil, heil, heil...

Sig heil! Sig heil!

Heil, heil,
Heil, heil...

What a wonderful
human being.

What magnetism!

And a great soldier.

Let's not forget
one other thing.

What's that?

He's also a
pretty good actor.

* Oh, when the soldiers march
through the town, dear *

* Ba-r-r-um, pom...

Film's on its way
to London, Colonel.

Christina said she'd
take care of it.

Nice work, Adolf.

Yeah.

We-we buried the
clothes in the woods

and the car is parked
on the Hammelburg Road.

Fine.

Now, don't forget
your story.

You sneaked out
last night

while the Fuhrer
was here.

Right.

KLINK:
Achtung!

Now, there is
a touching sight.

Your colonel
consoling you.

It's no wonder he wins
all the popularity contests.

I have decided
on your punishment:

30 days in the cooler

and all privileges
revoked

for an additional
30 days.

That will teach you
to have more faith

in my security measures.

But, sir, we did give ourselves
up to the guards in the woods.

Only after you realized
you couldn't get away.

Sentence stands.

Carter, the
commandant is right.

The only thing
I can do now

is get in touch
with the Red Cross

and ask them to deliver
a letter to Hitler.

Hitler?

Yeah, he did ask me
to drop him a note.

Simply asked for
clemency in this case.

But you know there's been
an escape attempt,

and he adored
our barbed wire.

I know how you feel.

It's too bad,
Commandant.

Of course, if you
suspended the sentence,

I'd have nothing
to write about.

You could say,
"Having a wonderful time.

Wish you were here."

Very well,
sentence suspended.

Schultz, release him.

Dismissed!

Beautiful, Colonel.

You're a happy fella,
yeah?

Why shouldn't I be?

I think I've got
the old touch back.

Oh.

( chuckling )

He's got his old touch back.

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