All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s02e07 Hogan Springs.eng

ANNOUNCER:
CBS presents this program in color.

( theme song playing )

( Morse code beeping )

Those guys in London
got to be kidding.

Snatch four prisoners
from the Krauts?

And it's got
to be done tonight.

Who do they think
I am, John Wayne?

( imitating John Wayne ):
That's about the size of it.

Uh, the underground radio

will transmit the details
of the plan in five minutes.

Round up the boys
for a meeting.

I'll wait for
the message.

Right.

Oh, Colonel, we got roll call
in a few minutes.

Right. If I'm not there,
start without me.

Halt!

( brakes squealing )

Was ist los?

No traffic beyond
this point.

The bridge is out.

I never heard
of a bridge on this road.

When did they build it?

A few minutes ago.

Muller, Schmidt--
schnell!

In the ditch,
and get their weapons.

Which one of you
is the leader of this group?

I am.

I speak for these men.

What's the name you use
in the underground?

And it better be
the right one.

I'm called Sparrow.

That's it.

Colonel Hogan.
Ja.

Everybody out
of the truck.

Carter, get this truck
off the road.

CARTER:
Right away, Colonel.

( engine starting )

Can you vouch
for these men?

Ja, Ja.

We all work together
in the underground, Colonel.

We were captured
at the same time.

Everybody down.

All right, look.

Orders from London
are to hide you

until the Krauts
stop looking for you.

Then we'll smuggle you
to England.

Four men?

Is it possible?

No, but we'll do it anyway.

First thing is to get you
into Stalag 13.

You hide us
in a prisoner-of-war camp?

We're the only motel
for miles around.

How shall we get there?

Hitch a ride with the next truck
that comes along... anytime now.

Are you sure it will be safe,
Colonel?

We're a small organization,
but we have a large payroll.

( dog whimpering )

You are late,
Schnitzer.

I had a flat tire.

Need any help?

Stick to your own business.

Oh, excuse me.

Everybody wants to
be an expert nowadays.

Finished.

"Finished."

( barking )

( speaking French )

It's only me,
Uncle Louis. Quiet.

Psst.

What's going on in
town, Schnitzer?

Eh, town.

Any excitement?

Eh, excitement.

Any new girls around?

Eh, girls.

Always good
to talk to you.

I get all the news.

( engine starting )

Wiedersehen.

Eh, auf Wiedersehen.

( growling )

Down. Down.

It's only Uncle Schultzy.

LeBeau, get up the ladder;
make sure the coast is clear.

Oui, Colonel.

Hey, hold it, Colonel.

Look at this.

It's wet.

It sure is.

Hey, that's got to be water.

Well, it ain't champagne.

Kinch, what happened?

Beg to report, Colonel...

one of our tunnels
is missing.

You're kidding.
The emergency?

Right. Happened
while you were out.

Well, that's swell.

Beautiful.

Good job we didn't try
to come back in that way.

It's an old
water line, Colonel.

The pipe
is rusted through,

and there's a hole in it
that big.

What are the chances?

Well, I don't know.

I might be able
to get a sleeve around it

if we can get at it.

There's a lot of mud
to be moved.

We've got to get
these men out through that tunnel

within the
next few days.

Well, you can forget that.

We got a bigger problem.

Enough water could undermine
this whole side of the camp.

Okay, we start digging.

Right, first thing in the
morning, we start digging.

We dig now.

Oh, have a
heart, Colonel.

We've been out here
mucking about for hours.

We're done in.

We'd do a lot better
after a good night's kip.

Well, legally you can't
demand that we dig now.

I-It's inhuman, indecent
and impossible, right, men?

Well, why are we
standing around

when we should
be working, eh?

Go on. Come on, you.

Man, am I beat.

Does G.I. insurance
cover a broken back?

No, I don't think so.

If it did, every
guy in the army...

Carter, shut up.

Hold it;
hold the buckets, huh?

All right,
take a break, fellas.

I got good news for you.

Kinch just plugged the leak.

NEWKIRK:
Good, good.

Boy, about time.

We, uh,
we go out soon?

Not through
the tunnel.

It'll take us a long
time to clear it.

But every day we stay here
is dangerous, no?

Dangerous, yes.

We'll have to
figure another way

to get you
out of here.

Why cannot we go out
the way we came in--

in the truck
with the animals?

They only change the
dogs once a month.

Besides, it's
too risky.

Hey, Colonel?
Yeah?

We have some trouble outside.

Hogan's 24-
hour service.

We never sleep.

It started
a little while ago, Colonel.

This could be
real trouble.

What happened?

Kinch plugged the leak.

Must have changed
the water pressure.

Now it's broken
out in a new place.

If Klink orders the
guards to start digging,

it'll only take
them ten minutes

to reach the tunnel.

Attention.
Here they come.

All right,
whatever I say, follow my lead.

Oui, Colonel.

Achtung!

At ease.

It is water,
Herr Kommandant.

Thank you, Schultz.

It seems to be under
quite a bit of pressure.

Mother Nature's
sure powerful when she wants to be.

Right, LeBeau?

Oh, oui, Colonel,
mother nature.

Hogan, what are you
and that cockroach babbling about?

Don't you smell it?

( sniffing )

Smell what?

The sulfur... that's
a mineral spring.

It is?

I mean...
oh, yes, it is.

I don't smell anything,
Schultz.

Do you smell anything?

Oh, yes, Herr Kommandant.

Sauerkraut
and potato pancakes

from the sergeant's mess.

Does anyone else here
smell anything?

No doubt about it.

Absolutely.

That tastes bad enough
to be very healthy.

That's a sure sign.

Hm-mm... you're
a very lucky man, sir.

Imagine, commanding
a POW camp

with a mineral
spring underneath.

I am not convinced.

The plans, please.

Mm-hmm.

Now, here's a diagram
of all the underground pipes

running in and out
of Stalag 13.

Now, uh...
now, uh...

May I be
of assistance, sir?

What do you know
about this?

Before the war, I was
a plumber's helper.

That's how I got my commission
in the Air Corps.

Ah, this is about
where we are.

There's the pipe,
and there's another.

There's a turn-off valve.

There's a turn-on valve.

There's
a pressure booster.

There's an interlocking
Grenastand joint.

Oh, interlocking
Grenastand joint.

That's what it is
all right, huh?

So smart.
Silence!

Go on.

Yeah, there are no pipes
in this area.

The pipes just run
from building to building.

Just as I suspected.

How's that?

What are you two
whispering about?

All I can do is ask him.

Thank you, sir.

Corporal LeBeau
would like to know

if we could have some
of this health-giving water for our own use.

Request denied.

Schultz, post
a 24-hour guard at once.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Then see to it
that the pipe is rigged

so all the water
can run off properly.

And then I want
two bottles drawn for chemical analysis.

It shall be done,
Herr Kommandant.

Sergeant Carter could
analyze that for you, sir.

Thank you, Colonel Hogan.

But there happens to be
a civilian chemist

in the town
of Hamelburg.

Not as good as Carter.

Why are you so interested
in this matter?

Just trying
to cooperate, sir.

You have your orders.

Dismissed!

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Back, back, back,
back, back.

Well, at least he
didn't order digging.

We may be able
to use that

to get Sparrow and
his men out of here.

Colonel,
there's no such thing

as an interlocking
Grenastand joint.

Why didn't you
tell me that before?

You know I hate
to lie to the Germans.

I've got some sulfur...

some potassium,
and ordinary rock salt.

Okay.

Now, use these two bottles.

They're the same kind
that Schultz

will draw from the supply
sergeant for the samples.

Just plain ordinary
tap water?

Right. Get busy
and mix two bottles

of the greatest
mineral water in history.

I'll do it.

Don't worry, Colonel.

You can depend on me.

And you didn't want our
son to study chemistry.

Here comes Papa Bear now.

What are you doing?

Oh, feeding time
at the zoo, Schultz.

What's in there?

Jelly beans from the Red Cross.

Hey, would you like one?

Here.

Mm, they are good.

Hey, Colonel, you can't
give him just one jelly bean.

That's right,
he's a big man.

Give him a handful.

All right, Schultz.
Hey, Schultz, let me hold the bottle.

Danke.

Jelly beans, huh?
Uh-huh.

( moans with pleasure )

Give me back the bottles.

Now wait a minute.

I gave them to the Englander.

I've been standing here
all the time.

Schultz, you been
nipping at that water?

The time has come for me to say
I know nothing, nothing!

( knocking )
Come in.

Excuse me,
Herr Kommandant. Yes, what is it?

Colonel Hogan
wishes to see you.

Send him in.

Colonel...

I have a request to make
and a proposition to offer.

You offer me a proposition?

Yes, sir.

My men would like to pipe
that mineral spring water

into the storeroom
and convert it

to a bath house
and steam room,

if we can use
it occasionally.

It's good for bathing
and drinking?

Of course, it must be.

Colonel, you're
asking and answering your own questions.

That's tops in
German efficiency.

Thank you, Hogan.

Uh, tell me...

are you still convinced
that this mineral spring

has special properties?

Oh, yes, sir.

You happen to be right.

Here is the chemical analysis
of the water.

Sulfur, high concentration
of potassium,

and a substance
resembling rock salt.

Amazing.

It's richer
than I dreamed.

Yes, it is.

Oh, this is a great discovery.

Now how to use it to advantage,

that is the problem.

Oh, very plain to me, sir.

Klink's Marvelous Miracle Water.

Cures everything.

Grows hair on your chest,

even if you don't want it.

You'll make millions.

Oh, it has great possibilities
for after the war.

But you see,
what concerns me is now.

Why don't you send
Old Crazy Eyes a dozen bottles?

What?

Besides being a nut,

I understand he's also batty
about natural remedies.

That nut happens to be
our beloved Fuhrer.

What's the one thing
you want most in the world?

General's stripe, am I right?

Well, it has crossed my mind.

I could never approach Hitler

over the head
of General Burkhalter.

That's right.

Go over his head,
you'll lose yours.

There must be a way.

Bet I know what
you're thinking.

You do?

Invite General Burkhalter
and his staff here

to inspect the
mineral springs. Yeah.

Suggest that he give
Hitler the good news.

Ja, ja.
He can't turn you down in front of his own men,

so he has to do it.
Ja, ja, ja.

You get the credit.
Ja.

General Klink.

Ah, Hogan, that's exactly
what I was thinking. Yeah.

I will call General Burkhalter

and invite him right away.
Yeah, yeah.

I will even send Schultz
with a car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get me General Burkhalter's
headquarters at once.

Hogan, go ahead
and build that bathhouse,

and make it good.
Yes, sir.

Incredible.

I always come up
with an idea, don't I?

Sometimes your
brilliance is dazzling.

( sawing )

Pretty good,
huh, Schultz?

I think there is

something funny
going on here.

Monkey business.

Don't think
too much, Schultz.

It brings on
your headaches.

Hmm. Jolly joker.

KLINK:
And now it is my honor

to welcome one of the greatest
leaders of the Third Reich.

A member of the Fuhrer's
personal staff,

General Burkhalter.

GERMANS:
Hoorah!

Hoorah! Hoorah!

( applause )

Thank you.

Colonel Klink, gentlemen,

I'm very honored to be here

and participate
in these ceremonies;

the dedication
of this beautiful bath house.

And even though
this is an auspicious occasion,

I have no intention
of making a speech.

( cheering )

Thank you.

And now, I believe
we are ready for the dedication.

I declare this bathhouse open.

May I have the scissors,
please?

The scissors!

Dummkopf!

Thank you,
Herr General.

( applause and cheering )

Bravo!
Wunderbar!

What does that mean?

( chuckling ):
Well, you know

our glorious slogan,
"Strength Through Joy."

Well, I changed it
for the occasion.

Just the last word.

Uh, clever,
don't you think?

No, you don't think.

Well, gentlemen, shall we?

( chuckles )

Please? This way.

Thank you, thank you.

All right, so far so good.

LeBeau, Newkirk,
get in there and go to work.

Oui, Colonel.
Right, gov.

Kinch, let's go.

Everybody here?

Yes, sir.

We're ready, Colonel.

Okay, now, look,

stay out of sight,
away from the windows,

until we're set.
Yeah.

Then move out fast.
Yeah.

What about
Schultz, Colonel?

Kinch'll keep him busy
in front of the building.

Now, everybody calm.

Make it work.

Oh, wunderbar.

Not bad at all.

I'm not sure yet, Klink,

but you may have done something
right for a change.

( laughing ):
Thank you, very much, Herr General.

Oh, by the way.

I enjoyed your dedication
speech immensely.

You would.

Little more hot
water, gentlemen?

We've had enough, thank you.

I'd like to push their
bleeding heads under.

Take it easy.

Hi.

BURKHALTER:
Colonel Hogan.

Why don't you join us?

No, thanks, General.

It's Colonel Klink's party.

But I have a little
surprise for you.

We've arranged to give
you a little steam bath

at the same time.

Made with the same
fine mineral water.

Colonel Klink's idea.

It was?

Oh, yes, it was,
Herr General, it was.

Newkirk,
let her go. Yes, sir.

LeBeau, come with me.

Keep the steam going.

Right, sir.

What is it?

Hot towel, sir.

Ow!

Here you are, General.

( muffled shriek )

Dummkopf!

Mm-mm-mm.
Wunderbar.

We have more fun out here
than they have inside.

Well, that's the way
it's supposed to be, Schultzy.

Mm...

Mm-mm...

Come on, hurry it up.

Gentlemen, enough of
a good thing.

Oh, excuse me, sir.
Ja, ja.

But Colonel Hogan has arranged
for us to have lunch here.

LeBeau!
Lunch?

Allow me, sir.

It's a novel idea, sir.

Lunch while you bathe.

Please don't eat the soap.

War time shortage, you know.

May I?

Oh. Brown bread.
I love brown bread.

( engine starts )

Klink, I must say...

you know how to live
here in Stalag 13.

Thank you, Herr General.

Thank you.

This is a nice cigar.

Should be, sir.
They're yours.

They're what?

Oh.

Yes, yes, they are.

The question is, whether
to get drunk or drown.

If you can't make up
your mind, sir,

why not try
a little of both?

( cackling )

Hey, come on, fellas, please.
Get the lead out.

I'm due back right now.

We are almost ready.

Okay, now the sub's
going to pick you up

at the rendezvous
tomorrow night.

Everybody got
their maps? Ja, ja.

We split up here
and we go individually.

Understood?

Okay, good luck.

Thank you
for everything.

Yeah, sure.

Oh, and if you fellas

are ever back in this
neighborhood again,

just be sure and...

I mean, just forget it

and get to England
like we promised.

Auf Wiedersehen.

( moans ):
No, no, no, no.

Oh, come on, Schultz.

Have another one.
They're small.

No, no, I think
I'm getting sick.

I don't feel
too well myself.

You seen Carter?

No, sir, not yet.

I mean, not lately.

I have had enough.

Sir, we're just about
to serve dessert.

I have had enough!

We're going
to have music.

I may even sing.

Request numbers.

Heard the general,
he's had enough.

We've had no dessert
yet, sir.

Where is my uniform?

Mine, too?

They're all gone.

What is happening here?

Uniforms?

What did they look
like exactly, sir?

Isn't he a 46 stout?

Where are those uniforms?!

Schultz...!

Klink,
I should have known.

Anything you are connected
with turns out wrong.

Please, Herr General.

Schultz, you Dummkopf.

You were in charge
of security.

Where are those uniforms?

What's all the excitement?

KLINK:
I'll tell you what the excitement is.

Somebody stole our clothes
while we were bathing.

Just like those
uniforms over there,

and there and...

There must be
some mistake.

No mistake about it.

We had them cleaned
and pressed

while you were enjoying
your mineral water.

Sure, we aim to please.

And you didn't even
know about it?

Well, sir, I... I... I...

Klink, what am I going
to do with you?

HOGAN:
General, I have a suggestion.

Next time you guys start a war,
make him stay out of it.

( knocking )

Come in.

Thought I'd find you
in here, sir.

Hogan, I just talked
to General Burkhalter

on the telephone

and he has
given me permission

to send the bottled water
to the Fuhrer.

Congratulations, sir.

Now, the Fuhrer will have
some marvelous spring water

and he will know that
it came from Stalag 13.

You're forgetting
the best part of all, sir.

What, what?

When the Fuhrer gets
the water, tastes it,

and realizes what it is...
Yes, yes?

You, Colonel Wilhelm Klink,
will get the full credit.

Yes.

What's that?

Oh, that's
the bottled water.

We had it
gift wrapped, sir.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Do you think that a card
would be appropriate?

Oh, absolutely, sir.
Absolutely.

All right.

To my beloved Fuhrer.

"To my beloved Fuhrer."

From a grateful commandant.

"From a grateful commandant."

Thanks for a wonderful war.

"Thanks for a wonderful..."

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