All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s02e03 Diamonds in the Rough.eng

ANNOUNCER:
CBS presents this program in color.

( theme song playing )

Nein, nein, nein,
nein, nein, Fraulein.

Oh, but it's
such nice, fresh milk

right from the farm.

And nein, Fraulein.

It is verboten.

Only a few fenigs
a glass.

Hey, what's going on,
Schultz?

She wants to
sell some milk.

( men cheering )

No, no, no, no,
back, back, back,

back, back, back!

You know
it's against regulations.

No civilian
is allowed in camp.

She's not a civilian,
Schultz, she's a girl.

They're the best kind, Schultzy.

Yeah, come on, Schultz,
forget the regulations.

Yeah, Sergeant,
what possible harm could I do?

A big strong man like you,
afraid of me?

Oh, shucks.

"Aw, shucks"
from the Kraut?

I-I taught him that.

I also taught him,
"Gee whillikers."

Please?

( laughs ):
Come on, Schultz.

( chuckling ):
All right, ten minutes.

Okay, sir, thank you.
But only ten minutes!

All right, thank
you, Schultzy. Thanks, Schultz.

I don't know what
it is, but, uh...

beautiful girls
cannot resist me.

No, no, no, Schultz, you mean
you just can't resist them.

I like it my
way better.

I have some
for the lot of you.

Here we go, here
we go, have some.

What are you doing?

Give that note to Colonel Hogan.

It's very important.

Why'd you put that note
in my milk for?

Shh, the guards are watching us.

Did you see that?
She put that note right...

Carter, just
don't gripe.

Just give the
note to Hogan.

But she put it right...
Carter.

Okay.

Thanks, Fraulein, ma'am.

"At 10:00 tonight,
woods,

"sector Y-14.

Meet important
contact."

The signature is
Robinson Crusoe.

Hey, that's the code name
for a commando.

If she's a commando,

I like the way
this war is going.

My guess is somebody was dropped
in and got lost on a mission.

So Robinson Crusoe used
the underground

to get in touch with us?

I read Robinson Crusoe
when I was a kid.

There's a fascinating bit
of news.

I don't like it.

London usually notifies us
in advance of commando activity.

I don't like it.

Fine, then let's forget
the rendezvous.

On the other hand,
it could be on the level.

Well, let's
take a vote.

I say no.

Definitely no.

No.
No.

We'll make contact
10:00 tonight.

Hey, I demand a recount.

Write to your congressman.

One, two, three...

Forget it.

What's the
action, Kinch?

Oh, it's all clear
outside the wire, Colonel,

right into the woods,
and Schultz is asleep.

He's sitting against a tree.

Condition normal.

Do you see any dogs?

The dogs are guarding Schultz.

All right, look,
let's play this cozy.

Give me 15 minutes' start,
then follow.

Keep the noise down.
Good luck.

Thank you.

( Schultz snoring )

( dogs whimpering )

Shh.

He's sleeping.

Thank you, liebchen.

Anytime.

No, it couldn't be.

( whispers ):
Colonel Hogan.

Myra?

You came alone?

Yeah. Where's
Robinson Crusoe?

Oh, you'll meet him
in due time,

but first, there are certain
precautions we must take.

You're under arrest.

Gestapo.

Some precaution.

Your gun.

My car is parked
on the road.

We walk to it very slowly
and carefully.

Serves me right for
going on a blind date.

Stand still
and don't say a word.

Hey, there's
the colonel.

NEWKIRK:
And the bird as well.

Boy, I hope she's got
some milk with her.

I'm thirsty.

You did not come alone.

I'm a terrible liar.

Well, tell them
to throw down their weapons,

or my first shot
will be for you in your back.

Make up your mind.

Decisions,
always decisions.

Ah, bonjour,
mademoiselle.

Hi, there, Fraulein.
Guten Abend, my dear.

HOGAN:
Hold it right there.

Throw down your guns.

You heard me.
Throw 'em down.

I won't give
up my gun. The whole place

is crawling with Krauts.
What is that?

Throw them down, or
your milkmaid friend

is going to shoot
me in the back.

What good is
half a colonel?

See, it was a trap.

Correction: is a trap,
and we're in it.

Blimey,
we've been shopped.

Get rid of the guns.

Boy, what a war.
You can't trust anybody.

Okay, lady, so
far, you've been a barrel of laughs.

Now what do you
want with us?

Yeah, I'm sleepy.
I want to go back to camp.

All you'll get
out of us

is name, rank
and serial number.

I'll promise you that.

We may not even give you
a serial number.

Good evening, gentlemen.

I'm Major Hegel,
"Robinson Crusoe."

You've done very
well, my dear.

Danke.

Real chummy, ain't we?

Now, Colonel, we're going
to have a nice little talk.

The only talk you'll
get is name, rank and serial number.

You obviously know
we're prisoners in Luft Stalag 13.

Oh, I know a great deal more
than that.

For example, you're running
an underground organization.

What?

You assist allied prisoners
to escape.

You've got
the wrong information somewhere.

You also sabotaged
the German war effort.

Wrong again.

The commandant of Stalag 13,
Colonel Klink,

has no knowledge
of these activities

because he's a fool.

That's the first thing
you've gotten right.

You have radio contact
with London.

Your code name is Goldilocks.

You have a network of tunnels
under Stalag 13.

Your men make uniforms.

Sergeant Carter here
is very good with explosives.

Well, thank you, Major.

Actually, it's not
so complicated... Carter.

In addition...

you have wired
Colonel Klink's office

so you can listen
to his conversations.

You have arms, ammunition and
contact with the underground.

He's what I call a nosy-parker.

By the way,
where is your radio man,

Sergeant Kinchloe?

Is he back in the camp?

What is the expression
you Americans use...

watching the business?

Oh, you mean watching the store.

Thank you.

That's all right.

I realize
some of these American...

Carter, shut up.

Carter, will you please
button your big mouth?

Who blew
the whistle?

Do you remember
Sergeant Williams,

the P.O.W. who was transferred
from Stalag 5 to your camp?

Williams. We used him
on a couple of jobs.

HEGEL:
That's the one.

Sergeant Williams is really
Lieutenant Kroeger, Gestapo.

One of my officers.

He gave me a full report
on your activities.

Unfortunately,
he's since been transferred

to the Eastern Front...

Where he was killed in action.

He volunteered.
I insisted on it.

I find it very difficult
to warm to this person.

Now, I could shoot you
as escaping prisoners.

Or I could report the matter
to Berlin, get a medal,

then have you shot.

It's a choice.

Take all the
time you want to think it over.

Yeah, you know what they say.

"Act in haste,
repent in leisure."

Hogan, I know how important
your operation is to London.

It's also very important
to me.

What's your angle?

I've been wearing this uniform
for a long time,

waiting for a chance
to make it pay...

and pay big.

What's big?

$1 million in diamonds.

Blimey, he knows
how to ask, don't he?

Where would we get
a million dollars worth of diamonds?

Same place you get
everything else you need--

from London,
by air drop.

You'll be taken back
to Stalag 13.

You have one week
to deliver.

All right, let's say we get you
the million dollars in diamonds.

What guarantee do we have

you won't shoot us
to keep us quiet?

My dear Colonel, you have
the best guarantee in the world.

My word of honor.

Serves me right.

Ask a silly question...

I say we do it to him
before he does it to us.

Right, knock him off.

You know,
that seems logical.

HOGAN:
Look, you just can't go around

knocking off
German officers.

The ones that are
left start asking

embarrassing
questions.

Colonel,
it's my considered...

Colonel, I just got
an answer from London.

Well?

"Supreme Allied
Headquarters, London,

"to Colonel Robert
Hogan, Stalag 13.

"Regarding your request

for $1 million
in diamonds--"

quote, "Are you
nuts?" unquote.

What kind of an answer
is that?

It makes sense to me.

I mean, the war is costing
a fortune as it is.

Why, the canopy
on a P-51...

That's the answer
I expected.

What do you mean,
that's the answer you expected?

Hegel must have
stolen our code.

It's an even
money bet

he'll be monitoring
our transmissions

to London to
keep tabs on us.

So, now he thinks
we can't get the diamonds, huh?

Right, but it's only
the first round, Kinch.

Now I want you to use
the emergency code.

Ask London again?

Yeah, but this time
for fake diamonds.

A pile that looks
like a million bucks worth.

That kind they'll send.

Well, sure.
It's much cheaper.

Very clever,
you Americans.

Thanks, Newkirk.

Oh, Colonel, I
think you've got something cooking.

Right-- a Nazi fink
named Hegel, I hope.

Now, Hogan,
let me understand this.

A mass escape
in return for diamonds?

That's right, sir.

Only there's a little
clause in fine print.

We make the deal,
try the escape,

they shoot us
and blame you.

I don't believe it.

I didn't think you would.

How did you communicate
with this Gestapo man?

He has never been here.

I can't tell you that.

Did he communicate
with you?

Can't tell you that.

Where would you get diamonds?

I can't tell you that either.

What can you tell me?

There's a shortage of colonels
at the Russian front.

Now, I'm going
to call the Gestapo

and have
this traitor arrested. Yes.

HOGAN:
No!

No?

No. They'll cover
for their own man

and cut your head off.

It'd be much smarter

to get the evidence
on him yourself,

then turn him in.

It occurs to me

that this is a lie--
some trick of yours.

Would you like to hear it
direct from the Kraut...

I mean the horse's mouth?

How?

Arrange for a work detail

of P.O.W.s
for the Hammelburg Road,

day after tomorrow.

You come along
as one of the guards.

I'll arrange
for Hegel to be there.

We'll talk, you listen.

Me, put on a
guard's uniform?

Hegel has
never seen you.

( chuckling )

Would anybody believe

I could be just an
ordinary private?

Why not? I believe.

I just got word
from London, Colonel.

Mm-hmm.
Fake diamonds will be dropped

tomorrow night,
2200 hours.

Send Carter and LeBeau
out to pick 'em up, huh?

Right. Will do.

I gave her the message,
Colonel.

Day after tomorrow,
Hammelburg Road.

Will she get the word
to Hegel in time?

I guess so.

I-I-I don't trust
that dame, Colonel.

Why?
She short-changed me for the milk.

Put it on my bill.

Colonel Hogan,
is it true

that Big Shot is going
to be a private?

Yeah, just for a few hours,
Schultz.

It's an intelligence matter.

Under my command?
Right, right.

Oh, it's a trick just
to get me into trouble.

No, no, Schultz,
it's on the level.

Here comes
Private Klink now.

Did you explain
it to him?

Now, Schultz, I want
you to treat me

as you would any private
under your command.

Understood?

Understood.

I don't want any
special favors,

any special
treatment, an...

You-you-you...
you are a private?

Yes, I am.

Shut up!

How dare you
tell me...

Achtung!

Face front!

Put the helmet
straight.

Chest out,
stomach in.

Answer only when
you're spoken to.

Jawohl.

"Jawohl" what?

Jawohl, Herr
Hauptmann.

That's better.

About face!

File in with the rest of them,
you Dummkopf!

Eins, zwei...
The dregs, the dregs...

Oh, it feels so good.

Achtung!

Straighten up!

Hogan, I still
would like to know

how Major Hegel got
in touch with you.

It's all done with mirrors.

Mir... Ah, the sun.

That's the mirror?

Then you give
him a signal,

and he signals back.

Why don't I keep
my big mouth shut?

There's Hegel.

Get into the woods,
come up behind the car.

Herr Major, work detail
from Stalag 13 reporting,

Sergeant Hans Schultz
commanding.

At ease, Sergeant.

Where is the senior
P.O.W. officer?

I wish to talk to him.

Jawohl, Herr Major.

Colonel Hogan.

I will talk
to this man alone.

Carry on, Sergeant.

Well?

Can we talk alone
in the car?

All right.

( doors shut )

Now, Hogan, what seems
to be the trouble?

Well, diamonds
don't grow on trees,

especially a million
bucks' worth.

I'm trying.

Yes, I know.

"Are you nuts?"

I don't have to ask
where you heard that.

I'll need more time.

48 hours, no more.

There's a barn on this road
two kilometers beyond the town.

Be there two nights from tonight
with the diamonds.

And if I fail?

I will come to Stalag 13
and shoot you and your men.

How would you justify that?

Oh, I'll think of something
at the last minute.

Hegel, you're a real fun person.

Whether you live or die
is entirely up to you.

And Colonel Klink.

We're still
his prisoners.

You'll have
to shoot him, too,

and take over
the camp.

And take
at least another ten minutes.

I can see you're
terribly worried about Klink.

( chuckling )

Hogan, let me
tell you something.

Hitler is trying
to conquer the world.

If he fails,
it will be on account

of bubble-headed fools
like your Colonel Klink.

I thought you said
you didn't know him.

By the way, Mr. Wonderful...

Yes?

We're giving you
a million in diamonds

to keep your mouth shut.

I'll send you a postcard
from Switzerland.

Fine. But if you change
your mind,

we've got as much on you
as you've got on us.

That's true.

For both our sakes,
keep that in mind.

They should have
been back two hours ago, sir, two hours.

Don't worry,
they'll make it.

Oh, they'll make it
all right, sir.

I know they'll make it.

There's no doubt
about 'em making it.

It's just I should have gone out
with them, that's all.

What time did
you say it was?

What time is it,
Kinch?

It's 10:00.

Funny, it doesn't
seem like it's 10:00.

( door opening )

Oh, you took your flippin' time
about it, didn't you?

( speaking French )

Never mind the French!
English! Speak English!

All we had to do
was circle the whole Kraut division.

If you think that
was easy, boy...

You got the stuff?

Yeah, we had to
duck two patrols...

( all talking at once )

We were worried
about you, Andrew.

Sure, you were worried
about us.

We couldn't get back
any faster.

We'd have gotten
here if we could...

That's what
you're getting paid for.

Then I want a raise.

( men whistling )

NEWKIRK:
Cor! Blimey.

LeBEAU:
They are beautiful!

CARTER:
Boy, look at that.

NEWKIRK:
Smashing, aren't they?

LeBEAU:
Boy!

Beautiful fakes.

They could fool
an expert.

Oh, magnifique!

( speaking French )

Very nice, indeed.

Never tell
they're rubbish.

Here's your raise.

Merci, mon pote.

You know, Colonel,
I had a bird once in London,

a duchess she was...

Newkirk, save it
for your memoirs.

Listen...

this is our plan
for tomorrow night.

Klink has agreed
to let us out of here.

I've sold him on the idea

of grabbing Hegel
with this stuff on him.

We go out first,

Klink follows with his men
after the delivery.

Great.

Well, what's to keep
Hegel from talking

when Klink arrests him?

If he doesn't try
any fancy footwork,

there won't be an arrest.

We let him get away
with his pound of glass.

Yeah, but suppose
he does try a double cross?

That's why we bought
the policy

from the Klink
Insurance Company.

All clear in the back
of the barn, sir.

Just a guard.

All right, now, look.

When we get
inside the barn,

under no circumstances
go near the door.

Understood?

Let's go.

Achtung!

All ready, Schultz?

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant,
at your order.

Good.

Now, men, tonight we are going
on a dangerous mission.

Some of us
may not return,

so I want you to...

Herr Kommandant, please.

I just remembered, I have
a little personal problem.

Please, Herr Kommandant,

may I request a
three-day pass?

Schultz, you are
a coward!

Who is arguing?

Silence!
Into the truck.

Into the truck!

So, London decided
to save you after all.

There's not a diamond left
in the British Isles.

Nice lot of
merchandise you got there, Major.

Yeah, they sparkle
just like glass.

Achtung! Achtung!

This is Colonel Klink
speaking!

You're surrounded!

There is no chance to escape!

Come out with your hands up!

I give you two minutes.

Klink must have
followed us here.

Good!

He will save me the trouble
of killing you.

Look, Hegel,
you can still make it

by going out
the back way.

We'll cover for you.
You got your payoff.

You and your girlfriend
can live happily ever after.

Myra? She's dead.

And did you really think
I'd let you live?

KLINK:
Achtung!

Inside the barn!
Your time is up!

I'm going out that door alone,

and order him
to blast this barn to pieces.

HOGAN:
Hegel, you're making a mistake.

Go through
with the deal

and you're
home free.

Colonel Klink!

He has a gun!
Fire!

Go on, Colonel Hogan.

Well, sir, we were
being pursued

by Colonel Klink,

so we broke
into this barn.

No one has ever
escaped from...

You're not testifying.

He really is
a bloodhound, sir.

( chuckles )

OFFICER:
Silence!

( clears throat )

Continue, Colonel.

Well, we figured
we had it made,

then this man walked in
and surprised us.

Major Hegel?

That's right.

He had us cold.

Then Colonel Klink arrived
with his men and opened fire,

not realizing,
of course,

there was a German officer
in the barn.

And Major Hegel was the only one
who was killed?

Yes, sir.
Sir, I assure you, had I known...

Yes, sir.

Accident of war.

Hegel died a hero's death,

and we will see to it
that you and your men

are severely punished.

You will be
taken to Berlin

for further
questioning.

Sir, I must protest.

Colonel Hogan
is my prisoner.

His crime is against
the authority of Stalag 13.

I will see
to his punishment.

Very well, Klink.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler!

Hogan, you are
the biggest liar

I've ever met
in my whole life.

Colonel Hogan, he said
a terrible thing to you.

I know.

He called you a liar.

He really knows
how to hurt a guy.

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